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Honky Kong
  • 6/4/2025
Original Broadcast Date: July 13th 2012

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TV
Transcript
00:00Listen, the sport needs my client more than my client needs this sport.
00:04You know what I'm saying?
00:05Tony Buckram's the best damn track star this country's had since Herb Elliott.
00:08Not if he's taken anabolic steroids, he's not.
00:10We've been through this. His GP gave him a throat lozenge.
00:13Don't try it on, Cal. He's been pumping himself with that shit for years.
00:17You know it and I know it. He's out.
00:19Will you at least talk to him?
00:21We talked at the hearing.
00:22Just hear him out.
00:23He's here?
00:24Five minutes. He deserves at least that, doesn't he?
00:27Oh, right.
00:30All right, chap. Tell him what you told me.
00:37Look at him. He's barely human.
00:40He's been clean for six months. Good healthy diet. Mainly apples.
00:45Look at that overdeveloped muscle mass.
00:47He's written a letter of apology to the board promising to never take performance enhancing drugs again.
00:51He's jaw. That's the real giveaway.
00:53Just read the note. I defy you not to be moved.
01:00He never wrote this.
01:06I witnessed it.
01:07He's got hooves, Cal.
01:08He hasn't got hooves.
01:10He's got a very bad case of tinea.
01:12Oh, you don't believe me?
01:13You just go and check out the showers at the Harriers track he's been forced to train at since you bastards kicked him out of the AIS.
01:19He's lucky not to have leprosy.
01:21All right. This is way against my better judgement, but I will suspend the ban and put him on probation.
01:29But no second chances.
01:31No, no. Thank you.
01:33You've saved the career of a great Australian.
01:35When's his next race?
01:37Uh, Moonee Valley this Sunday.
01:39Come on, Tyne.
01:43I'm as mad as hell.
01:46Oh, my God.
01:47Oh, my God.
01:48Oh, my God.
01:49Oh, my God.
01:50Oh, my God.
01:51Oh, my God.
01:52Oh, my God.
01:53Oh, my God.
01:55Oh, my God.
01:56Oh, my God.
01:57Oh, my God.
01:58Oh, my God.
01:59Oh, my God.
02:00Oh, my God.
02:01Oh, my God.
02:02Oh, my God.
02:03Oh, my God.
02:04Oh, my God.
02:05Oh, my God.
02:06Oh, my God.
02:07Oh, my God.
02:08Oh, my God.
02:09Oh, my God.
02:11Oh, my God.
02:12Oh, my God.
02:13Oh, my God.
02:14Oh, my God.
02:15Thank you very much, thank you.
02:35Well, it's been a week of near misses, hasn't it?
02:38Not only did our leader of the opposition cheat death by a runaway scooter,
02:41there was also a near miss for Queensland Premier Campbell Newman,
02:46the Greens' Adam Bant, Senator Bill Heffernan,
02:49Treasurer Wayne Swan,
02:52Bob Catter,
02:54Jenny Macklin,
02:55and of course, Christopher Pyne.
02:59But both Ms Gillard and Mr Abbott remain admirably committed to getting out there in the community,
03:04despite the dangers, in order to talk up and denigrate the carbon tax respectively.
03:08But there was time amidst they're cancelling each other out for other messages as well.
03:13Our PM used News Corp's online technology to communicate what was on her mind,
03:18while Tony Abbott worked on somewhere to house the asylum seekers.
03:25Mind you, it's terrible what's going on, isn't it?
03:27New South Wales Labor says the Greens are like One Nation,
03:30the Greens say Joel Fitzgibbon's destabilising the government,
03:32Christine Milne says Kevin Rudd's wife's a stirrer,
03:34and Julia Gillard's calling Tony Abbott a coward.
03:37And all because they can't come together as Australians
03:40and agree on a simple way to prevent non-Australians coming into this country.
03:44Tony Abbott wants to send the boats back on this logic.
03:47It was done in the past, it can be done in the future.
03:52I mean, it is hard to argue against that reasoning,
03:55though it should be noted that it didn't work for young talent time.
03:57Royal Australian Navy's Commander of the Fleet,
04:01Rear Petty Officer Bobo Gargle, can you turn the boats around?
04:06Sean, if I had the power to turn these boats around
04:08and send them back from whence they came, I would.
04:11But these powers I do not have.
04:14I'm not King Neptune.
04:15I don't ever tried it.
04:16I don't live under the sea and control the Earth's oceans.
04:20I don't ever crack in it in my beck and call.
04:22I wish I did.
04:23So what do we do?
04:25Well, I think it's all about perception, Sean.
04:26Now, it's impractical to make Australia a less attractive option
04:31than Afghanistan or Pakistan
04:33by having Taliban insurgents hiding in us
04:36or by arranging to have the US drop bombs on us from drones.
04:39But we could at least change the name of Christmas Island
04:43to something that sounds like a less fun destination.
04:48Why not call it Shrove Tuesday Island?
04:51That sounds dull.
04:53I don't even know what a shrove is.
04:54I think it's a pancake, isn't it?
04:57Oh, that's no good.
04:58People like pancakes.
04:59Yes, they do.
05:00What about Boxing Day Island?
05:03Perfect.
05:04The day we traditionally return things we don't want
05:08that we received on Christmas.
05:12Yes.
05:13Nice, Sean.
05:14Nice message.
05:15Thank you very much.
05:15Take the Christmas out of the island.
05:17Yes.
05:18Alter the perception that ours is a country in any way
05:20associated with Christ and his teachings of helping and saving people.
05:24And the problem of having to deal with these Q-jumpers
05:27will be somebody else's.
05:28OK.
05:28But the reality is that most illegal immigrants
05:30come to Australia on planes and simply overstay their visas.
05:32Look, Sean, it would be a procedural can of worms
05:37for the Navy to shoot down passenger aircraft
05:39on the off chance that somebody may stay longer than their visa permits.
05:43Yes.
05:44The RAAF would quite rightly get their noses completely out of joint.
05:48Still, if Tony Abbott thinks it's a good idea
05:50and Angus Houston agrees, then we'll get on to it quick, Mark.
05:52Thanks, Verity.
05:53Of course, the difficulty with processing refugees
05:55arises from the fact that there are not enough AGL officers
05:58to assess their security risk.
06:00Could you just validate my parking?
06:01Sure.
06:03There you go.
06:05Too...
06:06Too many officers, it seems, are required out of the field
06:12dealing with the very real and present danger
06:13of terrorism in this country.
06:16A former Asia operative...
06:17A former Asia operative has blown the whistle
06:23on a controversial anti-terrorism technique.
06:26Grace Jones filed this story right down to make it fully automatic.
06:29Birdman's St. Monster Mash, not his real name,
06:33was involved in ASIO's counter-terrorism unit for six years.
06:38Initially, I was secreting listening devices on animals
06:41which were able to get close to our terrorist targets
06:44and record some of their planning.
06:46What sort of animals?
06:47Dogs and camels.
06:53I was told budgerigars as well.
06:56Yes.
06:57Is there a reason you didn't mention them?
06:58I can't do a budgie.
07:00Right.
07:01But you weren't getting enough information via these animals?
07:03So we'd hit on the idea of spamming the mobile phones
07:06of known terrorists with text messages
07:08which prematurely set off a number of their bombs.
07:11Before they had a chance to harm innocent civilians.
07:14Yes.
07:14But then we realised that if we just spammed every random number
07:18that we could punch into a phone,
07:19we could detonate the bombs of terrorists who weren't known to us
07:23or whose numbers we didn't have.
07:25Was it successful?
07:26Successful and surprising.
07:29Obviously, we didn't know what to expect.
07:32But the extent of infiltration of some of these terrorist cells
07:35was pretty alarming.
07:37It was an eye-opener for us, for sure.
07:39But these hits on terrorists weren't confined to Australia, were they?
07:42No.
07:43We quickly discovered that we only had to put in the international prefixes
07:47and pretty soon we were hitting unknown targets all over the world.
07:51It was an astonishing series of spectacular predictive strikes
07:54and it devastated a lot of extremist groups.
07:57With one particularly noteworthy strike on a residence in Pakistan.
08:00That's right.
08:01Without knowing it,
08:03we called the residence of a leading underwear bomb maker.
08:05And, yes, his mother was putting the washing out at the time.
08:10And from a counter-terrorist perspective,
08:12it was an extremely successful exercise.
08:14But my concern is it's just so random and uncontrolled.
08:17I don't think it's right.
08:19Well, thank you for your time.
08:21Thank you very much.
08:22Still on the subject of bombshells
08:30and WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange
08:32has dropped two and a half million of them this week.
08:34Emails embarrassing to Syria's Assad regime,
08:36its supporters and its opponents.
08:38Special envoy to the Ecuadorian embassy in Britain,
08:40Consuela Manatee,
08:42joins us from Julian's room at the embassy via his own laptop.
08:45Consuela, it's been about three weeks
08:47that Julian's been enjoying your hospitality.
08:49How's he coping?
08:50Julian is coping just fine, Sean.
08:53It's the rest of us that are going crazy bananas.
08:56He uses all the hot water.
08:57He leaves his towel on the floor.
08:59He never cleans up after himself.
09:01You think he could do one dish occasionally.
09:03But, no, he never lifts one little finger.
09:06He's always talking on the telephone
09:08and the internet charges in his room.
09:10Aye, aye, aye.
09:11Two million emails he's sending.
09:13And they charge by the hour here, you know.
09:15It's going to cost him a fortune.
09:16Where is Julian at the moment?
09:18Can we talk to him?
09:19Julian say he cannot go onto the laptop.
09:21He's having another shower.
09:23He's spending all his time in there
09:24when he's not Googling himself on the computer.
09:27He's washing his hair.
09:28He's brushing his teeth.
09:29And he never wipes down the mirror
09:31or rinse out the sink at all.
09:32And it all fogs up in there
09:34and he never turns on the fan.
09:35A big mess, wherever he goes.
09:37And he never thinks to clean it up.
09:38But most of the time,
09:39he is Google, Google, Google, Google, Google.
09:42It drives me crazy.
09:43All right.
09:43Thanks, Consuela.
09:44Tell him we're all rooting for him.
09:46Aye, aye, aye.
09:47He don't play any of that himself.
09:48That's how he get himself into all this trouble.
09:52But it's a funny old world, isn't it?
09:54Julian Assange hacks into 2.5 million private emails
09:56and he becomes a hero.
09:58Rupert Murdoch hacks into a few phones
09:59and he's a pariah.
10:00That's right.
10:01I'm talking about hypocrisy.
10:02Well, it's been a week since Rupert Murdoch
10:06cleaved his news corp in twain,
10:08splitting it like Solomon
10:09into an entertainment arm on one hand
10:11and a phone hacking arm on the other.
10:13But he remains committed to both,
10:15a foot in both arms,
10:17straddling the two like a colossus on a pair of skis,
10:20attempting a double somersault through a ring of fire.
10:22Can he do it?
10:23Media analyst Hermione vibes.
10:25Well, the news of the world
10:26was obviously a disaster for Rupert, Sean,
10:28but the sun's been a problem as well.
10:30James?
10:31No, the newspaper,
10:32but I think you only need to look at the arrest
10:34of Rebecca Brooks and Andy Coulson
10:35to see you can't possibly blame the sun for any illegality.
10:38The newspaper?
10:39No, James, but you know,
10:40something like this really hurts Rupert personally.
10:43The man's a newspaper man at heart.
10:44There's nothing he likes more than
10:45getting up every morning
10:47and picking the sun up off the front lawn.
10:49James?
10:50The newspaper.
10:51And he's not alone.
10:52I look forward to spreading the sun
10:54across my breakfast table
10:55while I'm having my toast.
10:58The newspaper?
10:59Yes.
11:01The sun is hot, though.
11:03James?
11:03No, the ball of gas
11:04at the centre of the solar system.
11:06Thanks, Hermione.
11:07And just a warning to you young people at home,
11:09don't ever look directly at the sun.
11:11It's bad for you.
11:12Quite agree.
11:12It's a f***ing terrible newspaper.
11:16Closer to home and cracks are also beginning to show
11:18in Mr Rupert Murdoch's Antipodean Empire
11:20with the Daily Telegraph's Steve Lewis
11:21meeting with Peter Slipper's accuser, James Ashby,
11:24and playing a part in creating the news
11:26he should have been just reporting.
11:27Time and Tide correspondent for the telly,
11:29Matthias Grogan.
11:30Is Anthony Albanese right
11:31to call this Australia's Watergate?
11:33I think the story has a lot in common with Watergate.
11:35Steve is like Woodward and Bernstein.
11:37Ashby's his deep throat.
11:38The hotel they're met in is like the garage.
11:41And yes, this story Steve's broken
11:42could bring down the government.
11:43I don't think that's what Anthony Albanese actually...
11:45The break-in at the Watergate hotel
11:47is a bit like Ashby getting those excerpts
11:48from Slipper's diary.
11:49Richard Nixon's a bit like Christopher Pyne.
11:51Yes, but Woodward and Bernstein didn't meet
11:53with the people who broke into the Watergate hotel
11:54while they were doing that
11:55and then text them saying,
11:56we're going to get him.
11:57They were investigating the story after it happened.
11:59Steve investigating the story while it's happening
12:01shows just how on the ball he is.
12:03Look, Watergate hotel,
12:05Lewis met Ashby in a hotel.
12:07Nixon tried to cover up the break-in.
12:08Christopher Pyne wears cover-up
12:10over his skin blemishes.
12:11Magruder, Chuck Colson, Gordon Liddy
12:13and Howard Hunt all denied a conspiracy.
12:16So does Mel Brough.
12:16Tell you what, Steve Lewis should win
12:18this year's Vance Palmer Prize.
12:20Isn't that for best fiction?
12:21Any way you look at it, Sean,
12:23Steve Lewis published a story
12:24no other newspaper in this country would touch.
12:26Well, at least we agree on one thing.
12:28In Melbourne too, Murdoch's paywalls
12:30may be in need of some SPAC filler,
12:31Xanthi Kalamazoo.
12:32Well, it doesn't happen often,
12:37but finally something worth reading
12:39has been written in the offices of the Herald Sun.
12:43In this case, the resignation letter of its editor,
12:45Simon Pristoll.
12:47A newspaper man for most of his working life,
12:50Simon delivered the news of his resignation
12:51the only way he knew how.
12:53Simon's abandonment of the ship
13:03follows on several high-profile leaping-offs
13:05at Fairfax.
13:07Even Gina Reinhardt can't scurry down
13:08the mooring rope fast enough.
13:10But if print is a sinking garbage scow
13:13in a dead pool,
13:15what of the little people trapped
13:16and gasping for air
13:17underneath the plastic cover?
13:19People like Lionel and Betty Bronte.
13:22Oh, Xanthi, Lionel and me
13:24make our living selling ink cartridges
13:26at an office supply shop
13:28for $70 each.
13:30The rise of online publishing
13:32means a reduced demand for ink
13:34and that means our business is dying.
13:36But, Xanthi, it gets worse.
13:38My Lionel makes his own ink.
13:41He has two or three thousand pet squids,
13:44which he milks every day.
13:46He loves those squids, Xanthi.
13:49But if the bottom falls out of the print business,
13:51we'll have no option
13:52but to cut them all up into calamari.
13:57I told you that.
13:59Sounds delicious.
14:01Sean?
14:03Brother, it is time for the mortals to pay.
14:08My child awaits your will.
14:15Release the Kraken!
14:17Coming up after the break,
14:35Q&A's carbon tax episode gets out of hand.
14:40And Suri would love living here with me,
14:43claims Tom Cruise.
14:44The reason we've got things like books and DVDs in the shop
14:50is that they have promotional tie-ins
14:51with programs broadcast on the ABC.
14:54Customers can watch the programs on the television
14:56and then come into the shop and purchase that program
14:59in the form of a bottle opener or a mug.
15:01The ABC shop has got all the merchandise you need
15:27and if you find a cheaper price elsewhere,
15:30well, you'd be sensible to purchase the product there.
15:33The ABC shop.
15:34ABC shops.
15:36We've got to have something to show the Senate Estimates Committee.
15:44Thank you very much.
15:45Just to say we've got some breaking news.
15:47Ross, good news today on the missing Hobart man, Brian Duckworth.
15:50Oh, you're not wrong, Sean.
15:52After police had set up an information booth outside his house,
15:55along with a mannequin dressed similarly to Mr Duckworth,
15:58a member of the public reported seeing the 38-year-old yoghurt enthusiast
16:01on a median strip in Perth.
16:03Bernie Duckworth.
16:04He was then driven home by police to his empty house
16:07where no-one else has ever lived.
16:09Well, that's...
16:11It's good to hear.
16:12No doubt you'll have developments on that story as they occur.
16:14No, no.
16:15I think that's it.
16:16All right.
16:16Thanks very much, Ross.
16:18Still to come,
16:19four legs bad,
16:20two legs good,
16:22and pit crew helps Kobayashi save wear and tear on brake pads.
16:29You know, it's been a sad week this week
16:31with the news that a famous marriage was over.
16:34While it's been fun to watch while it lasted,
16:36we all remember how weird it was when it was first announced on TV.
16:40But sometimes the things that were attractive initially
16:43become the things that annoy you the most.
16:46The way the other party thinks, speaks, their stubbornness.
16:48Sometimes it's just a result of one party spending too much time away.
16:52But it's always going to be difficult
16:53when one party in the marriage has all the power,
16:55when one party is more popular than the other,
16:57and when one party is part of a loony extremist cult.
17:02Something that's irked me no end this week
17:05is the short shrift seems to be paid to allegiance.
17:10And it's...
17:10And it's not just the lack of it in the Greens' commitment to Labour
17:14or in Katie's relationship with Xenu,
17:16dictator of the galactic confederacy.
17:18No lesser organisation than the Girl Guide movement
17:21have announced this week
17:22that Girl Scouts would no longer be required
17:24to swear allegiance to God or the Queen.
17:27Josie twinge with the lot.
17:28The Girl Guide's decision to drop the Oath of Allegiance
17:32to God and Queen
17:33has reversed over 100 years of tradition.
17:36And the normally conservative monarchists in this township
17:39are upset by the future of changing...
17:41But despite the negative feedback,
17:49the move also has its fair share of supporters.
17:52One of the people who welcomes the move with open arms
17:54is Republican Girl Scout 11-year-old Monica Blackbeverage.
17:59Monica has been campaigning for seven years
18:02to remove the Oath of Allegiance to the Queen.
18:05I think it's archaic.
18:07Australia should stand at its own two feet
18:09and cut our colonial ties.
18:10Another Girl Scout who's happy to see
18:12the end of the Oath of Allegiance to God
18:14is 13-year-old Girl Guide and Satanist Jessica Glottis.
18:19Well, it's been really hard to mix guides
18:21with my belief in a pagan deity.
18:24But now it'll be good.
18:26Thanks, Jessica.
18:27And all the best with your devil worship.
18:30My pleasure.
18:34If Lord Baden-Pow were alive today,
18:36he'd be alarmed at his state of decomposition.
18:39But what do other people think, and about other things?
18:42Let's have a squiz at the top of the Vox Pops.
18:44Decimating Whale is the job of Japan.
19:03The thing I love about Christopher Pyne
19:06are those sexy dreamboat eyes.
19:10He can put his slippers under my bed
19:11any day of the week.
19:13Poverty?
19:14I wouldn't be poor if you paid me a million dollars.
19:18Well, a mere fortnight to elapse
19:22before the Olympics kicks off.
19:23And inhabiting the ABC commentary box
19:25just opposite London's Olympic Park
19:26is Maggie Bathysphere and her team.
19:28Maggie, suppose things are hotting up now?
19:30Not really, Sean.
19:31Still pretty quiet this end.
19:33But we've been all keeping ourselves very busy
19:35downloading some new screensavers on our laptops.
19:38Hey, Rowley, show us yours, mate.
19:40It's a classic.
19:41Check it out.
19:42Look at that.
19:45Four tanks and a guy and his little dog.
19:48Check out the dog.
19:50Did you see any of the Wimbledon finals, Maggie?
19:53No Aussies in it, Sean, so we didn't bother.
19:55But I did get to have a one-on-one chat
19:57with my mum on Skype last night.
19:59She'd seen the results in the paper
20:00and she reckoned Serena Williams
20:02took home the tray for the ladies
20:03and Federer grabbed the Vars.
20:05Don't know the scores.
20:07Isn't that the Duke of Kent sitting next to you?
20:12Is that who it is?
20:13We've been trying to work it out.
20:14Just wanted in yesterday and sat down.
20:16Can't understand a word he's saying.
20:17Can we, mate?
20:18Hey?
20:18You don't know what I'm talking about.
20:23Piss her accent, though.
20:26Maggie, some excitement in the Tour de France
20:28over the last week?
20:29Oh, yeah, Sean.
20:30My sister emailed me some great highlights footage
20:32she taped off SBS.
20:34Check it out.
20:34Interesting interpretation of the rules there
20:37by Cadell Evans.
20:38Yes, yeah.
20:41Oh, hello.
20:43Now, Maggie, you're across this business
20:45with South Africa's Olympic contender, Oscar Pistorius.
20:47Pretty funny name.
20:49Yeah.
20:50There's some talk he's got an advantage
20:51over the other runners,
20:52but I reckon not having any legs
20:54would be a disadvantage,
20:55particularly in a track event like the 400.
20:57The real question, though, is
20:58if he comes to Australia to compete,
21:00would the carbon fibre in his prosthetics
21:02attract the carbon tax?
21:05Yeah, it's a good point.
21:06Thanks, Maggie.
21:07But, of course, the big Olympic story this week
21:08is the ugly spat going on
21:10between the dressage champions
21:11Mifini Fairbourn and Gayella Fitzbarron
21:14over so-called preferential treatment
21:15from the selection committee.
21:17Mifini, what gives?
21:18Oh, Sean, I wouldn't call it an ugly spat.
21:21Gayella, who's my good friend,
21:22has lodged an appeal with Equestrian Australia
21:24after she missed out on selection.
21:26But I understand that,
21:27and I wish her all the best, honestly.
21:29I mean, I hope I still get to go,
21:31but really, it has to be about
21:32what's best for Australia.
21:34OK.
21:34Gayella?
21:35Oh, but really,
21:36it has to be about what's best for Australia.
21:40If Daddy hadn't bought her tickets
21:41to soft competitions around the world
21:43so she got enough points to qualify,
21:44she'd be lucky to get a ride
21:45on a coin-operated octagonal
21:47outside the local butcher's.
21:48You bitch!
21:50Oh, careful, princess.
21:51Daddy might cancel your engagement
21:53to your inbred cousin.
21:55He may be inbred,
21:56and he may be my cousin,
21:57but at least if my horse broke its leg
21:59and the stewards brought out screens,
22:00they wouldn't put them in front of me
22:02because I'm so ugly.
22:03You bitch!
22:05You bitch!
22:06Bitch!
22:08Well, to a lighter story now.
22:10To a lighter story now.
22:12And this week is a very special anniversary.
22:17One that marks not just a triumph
22:19of the human achievement,
22:20perhaps more importantly,
22:21of the human spirit as well.
22:23A lesson from the wisdom of the elders.
22:38Bill,
22:39today marks the 43rd anniversary
22:42of man landing on the moon.
22:44Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.
22:46An historic achievement.
22:48Yes, it's a very proud day
22:49for all Americans, I think.
22:51And one in which you and Australia
22:53played a vital role.
22:56I wouldn't say that, no.
22:57You were an engineer
22:58at the Parkes Radio Telescope
23:00back in 1969.
23:01Well, yes.
23:01And without you,
23:02without Australia's involvement
23:04in the TV broadcast back then,
23:06billions of people
23:07would never have seen
23:08Neil Armstrong walk on the moon.
23:10Well, all we did was push a few buttons.
23:12I think you're being a bit modest.
23:14No, it's pretty much the American show.
23:16So you have to remember
23:17that we were Australians.
23:19Now, I still shake my head
23:21that we even had the capability
23:22to build a radio telescope
23:24in this country,
23:25let alone actually turn it on.
23:27So how closely did you work
23:28with the men from NASA?
23:30Well, not as closely
23:31as I would have liked.
23:32You know, they're wonderful men,
23:33good-looking, smart too,
23:35and polite.
23:36Never failed to thank me
23:37if I made them a cup of tea
23:38or baked them a cake
23:39or washed and lined their clothing
23:41or plaited their hair.
23:43And they were grateful
23:43for the little presents
23:44I left them as well
23:45and the songs
23:46that I would sing them
23:47outside their window at night.
23:49No, to me,
23:50they were like some
23:51technologically advanced super race.
23:53I would have happily
23:54been abducted by them
23:55and probed aboard their mothership.
23:58Sadly, it was not to be.
24:01Yes.
24:03And an occasion
24:04upon which Australia
24:05played a vital role.
24:06As anyone would attest
24:07who has seen
24:08that wonderful film,
24:09The Dish.
24:10Well, I was an advisor
24:10on that film.
24:11Really?
24:12Yes, I advised them
24:13not to make it.
24:15Why was that?
24:16Well, I read the script
24:17and this is just my opinion.
24:19I-M-H-O.
24:20It didn't make the Americans
24:22out to be as godlike
24:23as they were in real life.
24:24And at the same time,
24:26it made us out to be
24:27far less hopeless
24:28than we actually were.
24:29And I thought this was unfair.
24:32So, Bill,
24:33all these years later,
24:34what does the moon landing
24:35mean to you?
24:36Oh, the moon landing.
24:39Well, sometimes
24:40when I'm up on the roof,
24:41you know,
24:41dancing,
24:42I look up at that old moon
24:44and I wish...
24:48Oh, sorry.
24:50What do you wish, Bill?
24:53I wish I'd been born American.
24:56Black, probably.
24:59May I show you something?
25:01Yes.
25:02Come with me.
25:06Yes, it's a letter
25:07from America
25:08from none other
25:09than Buzz Aldrin.
25:10Oh.
25:14It's from Buzz Aldrin's solicitors.
25:16Yes.
25:18Dear Mr William Duffy,
25:19we request that you
25:20immediately cease
25:21posting letters
25:22of a personal nature
25:23to our client
25:24or we will have
25:25no alternative
25:25but to initiate
25:26legal proceedings
25:27forth with Respectfully.
25:30Respectfully.
25:33Yes, yes, yes.
25:35I think that shows you.
25:37We're done here.
25:39And there's a lovely picture of me
25:41and the moon.
25:43And not coming up
25:45because we've run out of time.
25:47South Korean scientific discovery.
25:49Wales are delicious.
25:51We hope that...
25:52And Indonesian president
25:53Bors Julia Gillard.
25:55And so ends a week
26:01in which the faux election campaign
26:02really hit its stripe.
26:04But what have we learnt so far
26:05about Messrs Abbott and Gillard?
26:07Well, we've learnt that
26:07Tony Abbott
26:08can calm rodents,
26:09survive polonium poisoning,
26:11outrun children,
26:12flattened bulky
26:13bothersome linen,
26:14put a cabinet together,
26:15dig a shallow grave,
26:17collect biscuits,
26:18collect wool.
26:19He's got his own tag.
26:20He understands that
26:20holding a dog is funny.
26:22He can identify by smell
26:23the ground John Howard
26:24has walked on.
26:25And he can just keep his tongue
26:27in his head while he's sewing.
26:28And, of course,
26:29can do whatever it is this is.
26:31Meanwhile, we've also learnt
26:32that the Prime Minister
26:33can meet children,
26:35meet children,
26:36meet children,
26:37meet children,
26:38and meet children.
26:40Here's tomorrow's talkback.
26:42Oh, Neil.
26:43It's Sean, actually.
26:43Yeah, yeah, you've had your say.
26:45I just worked out
26:46that under the Duckworth-Lewis system,
26:48Bernard Tomic has won Wimbledon.
26:50OK, next caller.
26:51Yeah, I remember
26:51the Rolling Stones
26:53playing at Koo-Yong in 74.
26:54From memory,
26:55it was Jagger and Richards
26:56up against Dibley and Newcombe
26:58in the men's doubles.
26:59And, of course,
26:59Dibley and Newcombe
27:00pissed at him.
27:01Hey, Sean,
27:02how about a shout-out
27:03to my dog?
27:04Yeah, go ahead.
27:04Oh, thanks.
27:05Out!
27:06Out!
27:06Go on!
27:07Out!
27:07Go on!
27:08Out!
27:10Giant baby!
27:21Out!
27:22Thank you!
27:22laughter
27:24laughter
27:26laughter