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Honky Kong
  • 6/12/2025
Original Broadcast Date: March 14th 2018

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Transcript
00:00People of Earth, attention.
00:30Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:39Now, I'd like to, if I may, shift the focus of this week's show
00:43from domestic politics in Australia generally
00:45to things that are actually important.
00:48I want to take the world's spotlight
00:50and shine it directly into the eyes of these two men here,
00:53Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un,
00:55who, as you know, have agreed to meet each other face-to-face
00:57to discuss how they might work together.
00:59A bit like when Michael Jackson and Sir Paul McCartney got together
01:02to record Say Say Say,
01:04except that hopefully the result will be to the benefit of humanity.
01:08So the difficulty is, where do they meet?
01:11The President obviously can't go to North Korea
01:13because he'd lose too much face
01:14and there are no American fast-food outlets over there.
01:17And Kim Jong-un can't go to the US
01:19because, as we know from Olympus Has Fallen,
01:21the North Koreans aren't the greatest house guests.
01:25Now, meeting in the demilitarised zone right on the border there
01:29might work if they separate the two either side of a sheet of glass.
01:32It certainly made Billy come to his senses in Midnight Express.
01:37But personally, I think Australia should take advantage of the opportunity
01:40to ingratiate itself with both parties
01:42by offering some of our excellent facilities
01:44for the two leaders to talk to each other.
01:47And where else would you have two crazed lunatics
01:50exchange their insane views than on Sky News?
01:55And if they wanted what they said to be private, free from public scrutiny,
02:00somewhere where no-one could see or hear them,
02:02where else? On Sky News but the Bolt Report.
02:05Now, the only slightly worrying thing about all of this
02:12is how keen Donald is to meet up with Kim given that,
02:15according to our own supreme leader, Malcolm Turnbull,
02:18Australia is supposed to be America's new best friend.
02:21Now, as you know, Malcolm went for a sleepover over at Donald's
02:24a couple of weeks ago and things went really well.
02:26Malcolm didn't once use nerve agents on anyone
02:29or threaten a nuclear attack, so that worked out well.
02:32But our 100 years of mateship seems to have been sinking this last week
02:37and it's that that I think warrants a little bit of plain speaking.
02:45Now...
02:51As we know, Malcolm is in a bit of trouble
02:55and needs all the friends he can get.
02:57What is it now? What is it?
02:58Two negative news polls away from equalling Tony Abbott's record.
03:02So, it sort of makes sense that he's not going to find those friends
03:06in his own party and has to go overseas.
03:08Now, there's nothing wrong with being liked by President Trump,
03:11as Stormy Daniels can and will testify.
03:15It's the President's will-I-won't-I approach on trade tariffs
03:18that's given me pause about this relationship with us.
03:21As you know, I admire our PM greatly.
03:23He looks, acts and, for all I know, smells like a real Prime Minister.
03:28And I'm happy to have him wandering about on the world stage occasionally.
03:32He also appears, and more importantly,
03:34knows he also appears like a man who knows what he's doing.
03:37That's why I'm scratching my head over
03:39why we were left hanging for so long over the tariffs.
03:42Now, the sleepover appeared to go well.
03:45Malcolm and Donald have lots in common, matching Bectons,
03:49the same taste in ties.
03:50The President even knew some of the cooler members
03:52of Malcolm's friendship group.
03:54Stand up, Greg.
03:55Stand up, Anthony.
03:56Where's Anthony?
03:58Good.
03:59Mmm.
04:02But despite that, it looked as though the US were going to lump us in
04:05with the rest of the world and slap the following tariffs
04:08on the following imports.
04:10It'll be 25% for steel.
04:12It'll be 10% for aluminum.
04:14Now, when I first heard that about steel,
04:17I was worried because that's pretty much all we make.
04:19And then I found out that aluminum is actually aluminum.
04:24Which we also make, and I was even more worried.
04:27There was talk of a trade war,
04:29which meant that if the US put tariffs on the stuff that we sell them,
04:31like steel and aluminum,
04:33then we'd put tariffs on the stuff they sell to us,
04:36like everything that we consume.
04:38And that makes these things more expensive
04:40and the government gets revenue from the tariffs.
04:42Or worse, we'd have to make them ourselves.
04:44We can do it more cheaply
04:45and we might end up having the manufacturing industry
04:47and jobs and wage growth and organized labor
04:50and blue-collar politicians
04:51coming from a thriving trade union movement.
04:54I don't think anybody wants to see that.
04:57I mean, what was really...
04:58What was the point of Malcolm going over in the first place?
05:00Let's be honest,
05:01he spent more time with Mike Pence
05:03than he did with the President,
05:04perhaps just enjoying the novelty
05:06of being in the company of a deputy leader
05:07who wasn't running around with his pants down by his ankles.
05:11No, in the end,
05:12it was up to people like Greg Norman to do the deal.
05:15I mean, alright, half the golf clubs in Greg's bag
05:17are made of steel, I suppose,
05:18but what are the rest of those guys?
05:20They know diddly squat about the industry.
05:23I mean, Anthony Pratt's in the cardboard recycling business,
05:26for God's sake.
05:27The fewer staples in the boxes,
05:28the easier it is for him to refold them.
05:30Don't get me wrong, though,
05:32any friend of Malcolm's is a friend of mine.
05:34Last year, Anthony pledged to invest
05:36two billion dollars of his own money
05:38into his own company.
05:40An act of...
05:42An act of generosity
05:44that should impress all of us,
05:46almost as nauseatingly as it did Malcolm.
05:48Fantastic pledge.
05:49Thank you, Prime Minister.
05:50That is such a great commitment.
05:51Thank you, Prime Minister.
05:52Because...
05:54Because that's how friendships work.
05:56It's a two-way street.
05:57We have tremendous faith
06:00supporting your leadership, sir.
06:02Faith, of course, being something you have
06:04when there's no proof of the existence
06:05of the thing you believe in.
06:10But why is whether we're subject to US trade tariffs
06:13dependent on a guy, you know,
06:15who plays golf with the President
06:16and not the PM's actual trade minister?
06:18I mean, what was Steve Chobo doing in Washington
06:20while he was there?
06:24I mean, these are good questions, aren't they?
06:26Is Tosh doing his finance character this evening?
06:29That's exactly right, Sean.
06:31It's all to do with the tariff exemption eclair.
06:34Oh, never mind that, Tosh.
06:35Now, why are Australian businesses more effective
06:37in getting what they want out of government
06:39than our elected officials?
06:40Well, they've had more experience, Sean.
06:42And, incidentally, I think you're selling Anthony Pratt short
06:44by suggesting he's just about recycled cardboard.
06:47He also makes bin liners.
06:48Does he?
06:49Out of recycled material.
06:51What?
06:52So he takes our rubbish, turns it into bin liners,
06:54which he then sells to us,
06:55which we fill up with our rubbish
06:56and then give to him to turn into more bin liners
06:58and then to sell back to us and fill them up again?
07:00Well, it's not called recycling for nothing.
07:05Thanks, Tosh.
07:06Sorry we didn't get to do your tariff exemption eclair bit.
07:08It looked very funny.
07:12The galling thing, though, is that for seven days or so,
07:15we didn't know what was going on.
07:16The president announced that exemptions were going to be offered
07:19to real friends, but that didn't include us.
07:21Apparently, America's real friends were Canada and Mexico.
07:25That's the same Mexico the president said was,
07:28not our friend,
07:30has horrible trade deals
07:32and a corrupt court system
07:34and who I want nothing to do with
07:36other than to build an impenetrable wall.
07:40And who is the most dangerous country in the world
07:44and also the second deadliest country in the world.
07:47Eh!
07:50That's what, that's, that's someone's right.
07:52Now...
07:57Eh!
07:59Um, old friends,
08:01Foreign Minister Julie Bishop
08:02and former Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd
08:04for some reason discussed this decision
08:06in front of other humans at a forum in New York.
08:08Although, as usual,
08:09one of them seemed more concerned
08:11with how their hair looked.
08:17Anyway...
08:19Anyway, it all turned out well in the end.
08:21The president changed his mind
08:22and providing we signed some sort of security agreement.
08:26Now, I'm not sure what this security agreement is,
08:28but hopefully it won't be the same one
08:30that Stormy Daniels had to sign.
08:33Er, Tosh, is Tosh still there?
08:36Tosh, I suppose, er,
08:37we say no to this security agreement,
08:39gun to our head thing
08:40and, er, and the exemption falls through.
08:42How do we get Australian steel into the US
08:44without attracting the tariff?
08:45Easy.
08:46You sell it to them in the form of guns.
08:48Alright.
08:49Thanks, Tosh.
08:50Tosh, Tosh Greenslay there,
08:51doing a satirical joke
08:52about America's dark obsession with firearms
08:54and combining it
08:55with their current protectionist trade policy.
08:57LAUGHTER
09:00Anywho, given the state of our friendship with the US,
09:02it does mean that we really can't trust them any more
09:04to look after us
09:05and it does raise the awkward question.
09:07Who's violent?
09:09Who's violent?
09:10Who's violent?
09:11Who's violent to be kissing now?
09:13Now, fortunately, the ASEAN Summit
09:16is due to start tomorrow
09:17and that'll present a handy speed-dating opportunity
09:19for us to acquire a new heavily-armed BFF
09:22in the event that one of the other countries we've invited
09:24suddenly taking more of a disliking to us
09:26than normal.
09:27Now, obviously, there's a few we can cross off the list
09:29straight away as unsuitable.
09:31Rodrigo Duterte isn't even turning up,
09:34so that's the Philippines out.
09:36Probably not such a bad thing in terms of trade.
09:38Remember, this is what he said about our mining companies.
09:41I will tax you to death.
09:47That's even worse than 25%.
09:50And, you know, I'd swipe left, too, on Hun Sen,
09:54the Prime Minister of Cambodia.
09:56I mean, yes, yes, he is one of the more moderate leaders
09:58of the Khmer Rouge, but I don't know.
10:00This is what he said would happen to anyone
10:02who burned an effigy of him while he was here in Australia.
10:10Malaysia's out as well because of, you know,
10:12family problems, I'm afraid.
10:13Malcolm's son blew the whistle
10:15on the Malaysian Sovereign Wealth Fund,
10:17from which the Malaysian PM allegedly stole a billion dollars.
10:20And I don't think that's going to be smoothed over
10:22by Greg Norman helping him with his swing.
10:26Oh, Aung San Suu Kyi's profile looks very attractive.
10:29Nobel Peace Prize winner, political prisoner,
10:31first popularly elected president of Burma
10:33since it was a military dictatorship.
10:35But lately, the bells aren't ringing for Myanmar girl.
10:43Joko Widodo's been arguing with us over our maritime border,
10:46so no matter how many cardboard boxers Anthony Pratt sends in,
10:49that's Indonesia out.
10:51The only viable contender, really, is Timor-Leste,
10:54who we used to be very close to many years ago.
10:57We've had some troubles lately,
10:58but we've been to relationship counselling in The Hague.
11:02Timor-Leste made us go.
11:03They said we were controlling and abusive
11:05and that we bugged their furniture or something.
11:09They're crazy.
11:11But it's been a friendship that's worked well over the years.
11:14In return for them helping us out in the Second World War,
11:16we stole all their gas and oil.
11:19So they say, I wasn't there in 1973
11:22when Gough Whitlam and Gareth Evans hammered out the deal.
11:24Someone who was, though, and helped negotiate the arrangement
11:27was Daniel Plainview.
11:29Daniel, how is it that Australia got the better end
11:31of that Greater Sunrise Oil and Gas Field deal?
11:34That land has been had, there's nothing you can do.
11:36It's gone, it's had, they lose.
11:39Yeah, so I understand that.
11:40Drainage!
11:42Sean!
11:43Drainage!
11:44If you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw,
11:52that's a straw, see there?
11:53Yep.
11:54Watch it.
11:55And my straw reaches across the sea and into your sovereign waters,
12:03and all the way down into the ocean bed, and starts to drink your milkshake.
12:08I drink your milkshake!
12:18I drink it up!
12:21OK, so...
12:24So, Team All-Leste it is.
12:26Who's with me?
12:27Yeah!
12:34Well, like the Australian Turf Club, once a year the world holds its own Ladies' Day.
12:39International Women's Day.
12:41Which, by the way, is not affiliated in any way at all with the magazine of almost the same name.
12:47Now, as you might recall, it was just a week ago tonight, on International Women's Day Eve,
12:53we couldn't get to sleep.
12:54So excited were we?
12:56Hoping to catch a glimpse of Old Father Woman coming down...
13:00Coming down the glass chimney, to bring every boy and every girl the gift of gender equality.
13:06Now, my only regret was that we don't go to air on a Thursday,
13:09because then I could have participated in the age-old ABC tradition
13:12of stepping aside as a male presenter
13:14and allowing a woman to take over my duties just for that day.
13:18I know it sounds like an old-fashioned patronising novelty, like...
13:23But like Opposite Day, or Backwards Day, where everything normal is the other way around,
13:27or the 40-hour famine, where we get to pretend to be dying of starvation for a worthy cause.
13:33It's all just a bit of fun.
13:35Former Minister for Women during the Abbott government, Tony Abbott,
13:38seized the day to label calls to exempt tampons from the GST a politically correct mistake.
13:46And he might be right.
13:48A correct mistake does kind of cancel itself out, doesn't it?
13:50So I'm not sure it's worth the effort.
13:52Of course, he is talking about political correctness,
13:54and once you correct a mistake politically, then you make a rod for your back as a politician,
13:58have to keep doing it. As Tony went on to say...
14:01Look, once you start having these sorts of exemptions, where does it end?
14:05Where does it end?
14:07Probably with wage parity, proportional representation on the front bench,
14:11and male politicians not referring to female politicians by saying...
14:15They're young, they're feisty, I think I can probably say have a bit of sex appeal.
14:28Now, Tone Deaf also took the opportunity to go on 2GB to voice his concerns about gender quotas.
14:36I think quotas are a problem, because then people aren't always thought to be there on merit.
14:43And look, I'm a little worried about what often sounds like an anti-man agenda.
14:50Now... No, no. No, no, no, you're very... No.
14:55No. Bad audience.
14:59Don't listen to them. I don't want to be unfair to Tony.
15:01It's perfectly normal to be afraid of new things.
15:05But an anti-man agenda can go a long way to resolving gender inequality.
15:09Like matter and anti-matter.
15:11When a man comes into contact with an anti-man, the two...
15:16The two collide to create what is called dark energy,
15:20which builds up to a big bang without the sexist double entendre.
15:24And then it creates a new universe in which every day is opposite day,
15:28and everything Tony Abbott thinks is a mistake is correct.
15:31Oh, incidentally, incidentally, to mark International Women's Day,
15:36a range of new Barbie dolls was released.
15:38The one-of-a-kind Barbies feature roles that have never before been filled by females,
15:43including Chairman of the AFL, Governor of the Australian Reserve Bank,
15:47and the head of ASIO.
15:48Yeah, leader of the Liberal Party was considered too fanciful, apparently.
15:57And I think the one that's going to be the most popular, though,
16:00is Governor of the Reserve Bank Barbie.
16:02Obviously, she smashed through the glass ceiling there
16:05and made some chairs out of it.
16:07But there's minutes of fun for young girls with this doll,
16:09bringing it out on the first Tuesday of every month
16:11to not do anything about the interest rate.
16:13Oh, of course, our current Prime Minister celebrated the day appropriately
16:18and in the time-honoured way of politicians avoiding difficult questions
16:21by going to a school and surrounding themselves with children
16:24as a sort of human shield.
16:27And you'll note that our Prime Minister is wearing
16:29twice as many pink International Women's Day ribbons as anyone else,
16:32and that's because the UN said former Minister for Women,
16:35Michaelia Cash, wasn't allowed to wear hers this year.
16:40And coming up, some helpful advice from Pauline Hanson.
16:43Bill Shorten, go and peddle your wares somewhere else
16:46for the votes in Batman because it's not in Queensland.
16:53Well, she's right. She's right.
16:54The Victorian City of Batman is not in Queensland.
16:57But can she go on to name the other five states and territories
17:00it's not in as well?
17:02We'll bring you that report later in the program.
17:04Well, one man many parts tonight.
17:14First up, mewling and puking, followed by the whining schoolboy.
17:19At 8.30, a woeful ballad made to his mistress's eyebrow with The Lover.
17:23And then, seeking the bubble reputation, a soldier.
17:27At 9.55, it's wise saws in modern instances
17:30with eye severe and beard of modern cut.
17:33Later, the slippered pantaloon with spectacles on nose
17:36returns again to childish treble.
17:38And finally, second childishness and mere oblivion
17:41Sol's teeth, eyes and everything.
17:44That's tonight's viewing on your ABC.
17:48Welcome back.
17:50Well, tests have proved that bones found on a Pacific island
17:53are definitely those of missing aviatrix Amelia Earhart.
17:56The testing was quite rigorous
17:58and Ms Earhart passed them with fine colours.
18:01So, well done, Amelia.
18:03Very good.
18:04Too soon.
18:12Not such good news, though,
18:13for Pauline Hanson's Chief of Staff, James Ashby,
18:16who is being investigated over his qualifications
18:18to fly Ms Hanson around.
18:20His pilot's licence doesn't allow him to fly for commercial purposes
18:24or in controlled airspace above major airports.
18:27Which is a shame, because Pauline Hanson
18:29could really use some controlled airspace, couldn't she?
18:32Media strategist for One Nation, Cindy.
18:35I need to go to the toilet, please.
18:37Now, this issue, Cindy, has arisen
18:39because Mr Ashby does not have a commercial pilot's licence.
18:42Although, according to this report...
18:44He has a recreational licence.
18:46Now, do you think he's in trouble?
18:48It's hard to see how travelling around Australia
18:50with Pauline Hanson could be described as recreational.
18:53I don't need to go now.
18:55Oh.
18:57And...
18:58It's also been an awkward time for slightly more mainstream parties
19:03like the Nationals.
19:05What, if anywhere, is the way ahead?
19:07Federal Secretary of the Nats, Mary Lou Noodles.
19:09Sure.
19:10I think the very first thing we need to do as a party
19:13is to stop talking about ourselves.
19:16Well, thank you, Mary Lou.
19:19Thank you, Mary Lou.
19:20Australians are sick to death of hearing us talk about ourselves.
19:23We need to start talking about something other than
19:25Barnaby Joyce and leadership challenges
19:27and ministerial codes of conduct
19:29and pregnant staff members
19:31and when it happened
19:33and what time in the months it was
19:34and who's the father
19:36and who's paying for whose accommodation
19:38and what kickbacks are they getting
19:39and what about the staff being moved around
19:41amongst ministers' offices
19:42and Deputy Prime Minister's hating Prime Minister's guts
19:44and Barnaby's colleagues, who were dumped from the ministry,
19:47wreaking revenge on him,
19:49dancing on his grave
19:50and laughing in his face
19:51if those two things are even possible at the same time
19:53and sexual misconduct allegations
19:55and who made them
19:56and who leaked them
19:57and why?
19:58And why then?
19:59And George Christensen joking about shooting greenies
20:00and Michael McCormack riding homophobic articles
20:02and all those things, all those things, all those things,
20:04all those things
20:05are those things that are the things we need to stop talking about.
20:07All right, Mary Lou Noodles, thanks for your time.
20:10See, Sean, Barnaby was overseas when the child was conceived
20:13so how could it possibly be his?
20:14Unless it was some sort of immaculate conception
20:16and I can't see him doing anything immaculate.
20:20OK, Mary Lou, once again, many, many thanks for your time, Mary Lou Noodles.
20:26I mean, maybe they got the dates wrong.
20:28Unless he secretly flew back from overseas for one night
20:31without anyone noticing
20:32and I don't think that's really possible, is it?
20:34But how else do you explain it?
20:35I mean, how else could he have done it?
20:38Unless the person who was filling in for him
20:41while he was out of the country...
20:43Yes, thank you, Mary Lou Noodles.
20:46Now, later on in the show, more on that remarkable story
20:49about Barbara Streisand having her recently deceased dog cloned
20:52to make two new ones.
20:55Oh, I see.
20:56When Barbara Streisand makes pirated copies, it's fine.
21:00But when I rip a CD of Shannon Knowles' latest album,
21:03I'm hurting the industry, apparently.
21:07Bloody celebrities.
21:08Excuse me just one moment.
21:10Hello, what? Yes.
21:14Right now, though, we cross live to Sky News senior political reporter
21:17David Spears.
21:18What have you got for us there, Davo?
21:20A major blaze has destroyed a Bunnings warehouse store in Perth.
21:23And moments ago, I spoke to firefighter Phlem Snack.
21:29Now is the perfect time to stop putting off those little drops
21:31like dousing those flames or extinguishing that inferno.
21:34And here at Bunnings, we've got the biggest range of possible fire causes.
21:38Electrical faults, discarded cigarette, chemicals, arson.
21:42Melted seven-piece outdoor setting, $1.29.
21:44Badly burnt shovel, $19.
21:46You'll find every possible accelerant here, all under one collapsed roof.
21:52Still to come, Pauline Hanson pops in for a quick hello.
21:57Hello.
21:58That's coming up a bit later on.
22:04And my interview with Dags Kay Lushbuster from Sydney Trains.
22:08I mean, everyone who works here takes public transport to this building.
22:11It's compulsory at the ABC.
22:13But look at this photograph here.
22:14That's a Sydney train.
22:15And that one is Melbourne.
22:17Now, why are we putting up with that level of overcrowding?
22:20Well, you say overcrowding, but if they were chickens,
22:22they'd be classified as free range.
22:25Yeah, well, but they're not chickens.
22:27No, I know.
22:28I said if they were.
22:30Well, if you know they're not,
22:31why are you even talking about the possibility that they're chickens?
22:34No, I'm saying if, rather than humans, they were chickens.
22:37Well, how do you propose to turn humans into chickens?
22:40I don't.
22:41And why would hundreds of chickens be commuting to the city anyway?
22:44Oh, I don't know, Sean.
22:45To fucking hand themselves in at KFC?
22:50Well, you're the one who started talking about chickens.
22:55Coming home to roost now, aren't they?
22:57I told her.
23:01Now, we should pause for a moment and congratulate Chinese President Xi Jinping
23:08on having his presidency extended to forever.
23:11It's something we should actually look at here, quite frankly,
23:14and then we wouldn't have to bother with all that campaigning and election nonsense.
23:18So, well done, Mr President.
23:20I know you have a lot of law supporters here in Australia,
23:23at our universities or infiltrating our political parties.
23:26So, no doubt they'll pass on to you our good wishes.
23:29On behalf of the ABC, let me assure you that we here on Mad As have nothing but the highest regard for communism.
23:36And when you and your people inevitably invade our country and take over,
23:41and the ABC becomes the state broadcaster, our show will be here to revere your authority and toe the one-party line.
23:49And as a token of our esteem and respect, we have put together a little package celebrating your achievement,
23:55which we hope you enjoy.
23:57Take out the papers and the trash
24:01Or you don't get no spending cash
24:05If you don't scrub that kitchen floor
24:08You ain't going to rock and roll no more
24:10Yackety-yack
24:11Don't pause back here
24:13Let's see that dust fly with that groove
24:18Get all that garbage out of sight
24:22Or you don't go out Friday night
24:25Yackety-yack
24:26Don't pause back here
24:29Right now, though, it's time for a Mad As Debate.
24:33Mad As Debate
24:37Scandal porn, a word I've made up that I hope will catch on.
24:41Are we addicted to the purine details of these increasingly sordid exposés and the gossip it provokes?
24:47Surely we've all had enough of this sort of licentious dirty talk.
24:51Joining us to talk about it some more are unqualified pop psychotrologist, Marie Spoons.
24:57Social media-aholic, Crane Girdle.
25:03Quizmaster on our Mad As Hell spin-off show, Why the Hell, Caspar Jonquil.
25:07I am not a pervert!
25:09Live from our Melbourne studios, the stars of Mob Wives Australia, Arabelle Crouton and Gail Bean.
25:16We love you!
25:18And of course, Waleed Ali.
25:22Now, Marie Spoons.
25:23Yes, Sean.
25:24Normally, you'd have to skim through the pages of a Fifty Shades of Grey type novel to get this level of smut.
25:31But now, we can gratify ourselves under the guise of watching the 7.30 report or reading an online newspaper.
25:40The reads right, Sean. If I can both support your right to be heard by cutting you off with my validation.
25:45Now, Crane Girdle, you've gone from spending 18 hours a day on the internet looking up what people are still saying about The Last Jedi.
25:52Not all of it. Entirely complimentary, Sean.
25:55To not sleeping at all for the last three months, just in case you miss a tweet from Koyi Mateel.
26:01The humanoid creature seen in wide shot leaving the Opera House in Revenge of the Sith.
26:07About her marriage to Duke Tita from the planet Ryloth.
26:12No, well, no. Sham marriage, Sean. Sham marriage.
26:16Yes, she is looking down as she leaves the performance of the Mon Calamari ballet, Squid Lake.
26:21And is dressed very provocatively and she's coloured her Twi'lek skin to make her appear more sexually alluring.
26:30Now, I want to know what's going on there and I don't think I'm alone.
26:34You do realise that she's a fictional character?
26:37Oh, that's right, yes.
26:39Well, there's most of my life I'm not going to get back.
26:42Never mind that. What about my right as a man to unthinkingly do what I want?
26:46Flirting in the workplace is as old as Father Time and Mother Nature herself.
26:48And don't you reckon they never got it on in the tea room like coked up weasels when they got half a chance?
26:54I told the young lass who takes my money at the gentleman's club I dance on on Tuesdays,
26:57you'll catch your death if you don't put a spencer on.
27:00I rang the speaking clock to complain about Louis CK and he said,
27:02oh, at the third stroke it'll be 7.36pm.
27:04Ah!
27:14Abrahel and Gale, as what passes for TV celebrities these days, what do you reckon?
27:18Sean, people are sick of the fake shit they get on TV and all that dry ass blah blah blah you get in the newspapers, right?
27:27Reality is what people want, right? Pumped up, in your face, fucking sex,
27:32arsehole men getting their arse kicked and where possible major criminal fucking charges.
27:37And if they have to watch the ABC or read the Herald online, that's the price they have to pay.
27:42Mob Wives Australia, 10.35 on Arena. Hosted by Roger Rogerson.
27:46Well, I'd like to thank all our guests for their time and as a token of our appreciation,
27:53I ask you all to please accept with our compliments a free one-on-one consultation with unorganised funerals.
28:01Celebrations are really big in our family and we like to do it in our own special way.
28:07A prepaid funeral ensures that your life is celebrated exactly the way you want it to be,
28:13right down to the last detail.
28:14But then, who could be asked?
28:17Why not leave it all to someone else?
28:20You're dead. Let them sort it out.
28:23They've got your money, make them earn it.
28:26Call Unorganised Funerals today and find out how you can make your funeral someone else's responsibility.
28:33Unorganised Funerals. Phone number to be advised.
28:38Well, not coming up because Squinters is on in a minute.
28:40New research argues e-cigarettes are saving thousands of lives each year, but orangutans still say cigarettes look cooler.
28:50Scotland Yard's nerve agent investigation.
28:53Monsters Inc. Mike Wazowski's brought in to assist.
28:55And Bill Shorten talks nude hang gliding.
28:59I'm not a fan of it.
29:03And finally...
29:04Not content with training killer whales to jump through hoops and perform tricks for human audiences,
29:09now scientists in France are trying to teach them to speak in English.
29:14This is so they'll be able to enter Australian waters under the tough new English language test for migrants.
29:20Goodbye.
29:21Giant, baby.
29:22Giant, baby.