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Honky Kong
  • 6/9/2025
Original Broadcast Date: April 1st 2015

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Transcript
00:00Dr. Forrest, dial 118.
00:06Number 99.
00:08Here, Doctor.
00:10What have I got here, Nurse?
00:12Broken arm, leg, fractured ribs, concussion, in and out of consciousness, dislocated hips,
00:17suspected internal injuries.
00:19Any reason you didn't go and see your GP?
00:23You can't go clogging up emergency waiting rooms.
00:26We've got people who need these gurneys.
00:28I told him.
00:29Look, it's not our fault, mate.
00:31You should have wrote to your local member and tell him we need more corridors built.
00:34My carotid artery is best, Doctor!
00:38Look, you're just going to have to wait your turn.
00:41He's got private cover, Doctor.
00:43Yeah, that doesn't mean you can leapfrog over people who are already here.
00:46Socialised medicine is about need, Mr...
00:49Dutton.
00:50Mr Dutton?
00:52You're Peter Dutton, the former health minister, are you?
00:56The chart says he was visiting Manus Island in his present capacity as Immigration Minister,
01:01and he was set upon an attack by disgruntled Transfield security staff.
01:05Oh, I'm so, so sorry, Mr Dutton.
01:10I didn't recognise you.
01:11It's absolutely mad in here tonight.
01:14We've got a bloody ice addict in there.
01:16He's not the best doctor we've ever had, but he gets through his caseload pretty fast.
01:20Nurse, take him straight through to see him, won't you?
01:22Sure.
01:23Number one, two, three, four.
01:53Thank you very much.
01:54Well, well, well, what a very interesting weekend it was for politics in this country.
02:06And when I say interesting, I am, of course, lying.
02:08Mind you, I can hardly open with, well, what a predictably dull weekend it was for politics
02:13in this country, can I?
02:14I mean, this isn't a show on ABC News 24.
02:16If I told the truth on this thing, you'd all be switching off and YouTubing cat videos.
02:21Although, if you are thinking of doing that, check out this one.
02:26Because I'm happy, you feel like a rule without a rule.
02:32Oh, he's so cute.
02:35But the fact of the matter is that New South Wales Premier Mike Baird emerged victorious on the weekend,
02:40like the gladiator everybody knew would win anyway because he was stronger and more experienced.
02:44Holding aloft the torn off head of his token opponent, a man whose name I've already forgotten.
02:50But whose defeat will preoccupy the Labor rank and file until a butterfly or a bit of shiny material catches its eye
02:56and they all run off after it, giggling.
02:58So where did Labor go wrong?
03:00They had a big catchy campaign slogan, as you can almost see here.
03:04What's-his-name did everything Daniel Andrews did when he won Victoria for Labor,
03:08in that he always wore a blue suit with a red tie.
03:11But you've got to do more than always wear a blue suit with a red tie if you want to appeal to the public.
03:17I mean, for God's sake.
03:19A bit of variety doesn't go astray when it comes to wardrobe.
03:22Obviously, there are some people who can pull it off.
03:26And some people who can't.
03:28And let's face it, it's really more about connecting with your audience, isn't it?
03:33For example, the Labor Party State Conference on the weekend.
03:36Bill couldn't be there because he's doing a show at the Beijing Comedy Festival.
03:40But Daniel Andrews shows you how to ingratiate yourself with a group of people who've come to hear you speak.
03:46I am sick and tired of attending big meetings.
03:50But maybe-
03:52But maybe it's not about Labor.
03:53Maybe the fortunes of the Liberal Party have simply turned the corner.
03:56I noticed our leadership spill clock stopped over the weekend with just three seconds to spare.
04:01Mr Abbott has never been so popular.
04:04Look at the latest news poll.
04:05In early February, the preferred PM numbers had Mr Abbott leading the uncommitted by just 30 to 22.
04:11But now he holds a commanding 13-point lead over the uncommitted.
04:15I mean, you can only imagine what the result will be once these people make up their minds.
04:20And not only is the public responding positively to the back-in-control Tony Abbott,
04:24even his most bitter opponents, his fellow ministers, are impressed.
04:28As Sabra Lane reports.
04:30In the words of one, Mr Abbott's share price has gone up a lot in the last month.
04:35Mandershell's political editor, Lois Price, is that how you see it?
04:39Has the PM's share price gone up?
04:41Sean, it definitely has.
04:43But from my position high in the sky, this looks like cartel behaviour to me.
04:48How so, Lois?
04:49Well, the coalition have put a cap on the production of unpopular policies,
04:53which has naturally pushed Mr Abbott's price up.
04:56And Lois, I understand the Prime Minister's travelling with you tonight.
04:59Well, where are you off to?
05:00Yeah, we've got four birthday parties for major Liberal Party donors tonight.
05:05Well, so all that travel is at taxpayers' expense, is it?
05:08Oh, we'll be hovering over the opening of an aged care facility for two minutes, Sean,
05:12so it's all legit.
05:13Having trouble sleeping?
05:15You'll never toss and turn again in a Bob's bed, because Bob's beds are an insomniac's dream.
05:20If they can get to sleep to have one, get into a Bob's bed today, because Bob knows what you want in a bed apart from sex.
05:26I'm Lois Price for mad as hell.
05:28Right. Well, thank you very much, Lois.
05:30Thanks, Sean.
05:31But I also think the upward swing in the Prime Minister's fortunes are because everyone in the PM's leadership team are squarely behind each other.
05:38Like one of those trust exercises where you sit on each other's knees in a circle.
05:42So not only are they all over Mr Abbott's shoulder and nodding during his press conferences,
05:46they're also out actively supporting each other's ministries.
05:49For example, Immigration and Anti-Migration Minister Peter Dutton has very recently been very...
05:59Has recently been very supportive of Christopher Pyne by saying that classrooms on Nauru provided English classes
06:05in schools of a standard at least as good as in Australia.
06:08At least as good as in Australia.
06:11Maybe even better like in some other country.
06:13Mind you, I'm not sure how useful even Australian quality English is going to be for these refugees,
06:18given that the plan is to resettle them in Cambodia.
06:22And the Cambodians are impressed too, describing living conditions on Nauru, at least up to those of animals.
06:28Defence Minister Kevin Andrews and Health Minister Susan Lee would also be very, very happy with Mr Dutton's support
06:33after he said hospitals for our troops in Afghanistan were not up to the standard of those on Nauru.
06:38And indeed that many hospitals in regional Australia were not up to the standard of those on Nauru.
06:43Doctor, who was in the opening sketch, what could be done to improve our hospitals to the level of those for non-Australians?
06:49Well, I can see the government's problem, Sean.
06:52If we make our hospitals better than those on Nauru, then the refugees will find Australia more attractive
06:58and actually want to come here rather than stay where they are or go to Cambodia.
07:02Whereas if we lower the health standards on Nauru to bring them in line with Australia, then the UNHCR will get all crossed.
07:09It's lose-lose, really. But we are in consultation with the Health Minister and that's great because the scheduled rate for each consultation is about $37.
07:20Thanks very much, Doctor. But perhaps Labor too is lending a hand.
07:23Here's their unsuccessful attack ad on Mike Baird that failed to win over voters to vote for thingamibob.
07:28As you can see, it equates voting for Mike Baird with buying a scratchy.
07:32You scratch the service of Mike Baird and apparently instead of good things, you reveal cutting to funding to schools and hospitals or surfing with Tony Abbott.
07:40It's actually a very clever ad, Sean.
07:42Ah, Florno Quimby from advertising colitis, beg, borrow and plagiarise. You were the brains behind that ad?
07:48A contender for the tin werewolf in Bris Vegas this year, Sean.
07:51Well, I'm not sure I understand the ad though. There are no matches there, so weren't you effectively saying you don't get educational hospital cuts and surfing with Tony Abbott if Mike Baird gets in?
08:01Ads don't have to make sense, Sean.
08:03Geez, have you seen that Valia yogurt one where Sarah Murdoch dances with a hobo?
08:06Or the series that I did where people say, I bought a Jeep and then Don't Hold Back almost starts?
08:11Oh, that was yours, was it?
08:13Yes, it is.
08:14It's all about brand Ricoh and cumulative Max Dewpoint carpet rollout of cat weasel gargling cow-
08:19But Federal Parliament are no longer sitting. Like many of us, this time of the year they're having a six week break.
08:34And of course the big question is...
08:38And it's tonight's topic for a bit of plain speaking.
08:41Now, of course, what Mr Abbott and Mr Hockey be doing on their holidays is stumping for the new budget.
08:51And this got me to thinking about last year's budget. The official line was that the government bit off more than it could chew.
08:56Something that makes them sound noble and ambitious because they're trying to achieve more than they could in the circumstances.
09:01But maybe it's just that they're not very good at chewing.
09:04Traditionally we're told to chew 32 times before we swallow anything, but with the Senate that stopped at about three and then they spattered into a tissue.
09:11I must admit, I find it all very confusing. Last year the Prime Minister was saying this about the budget.
09:17We had a fire and the budget is the fire brigade.
09:21OK. No, that's reasonable. OK, so it's a budget emergency. I get that. I get that. Better get out of there. Better get there and put the fire out as soon as possible.
09:30But 12 months later the fire brigade is stuck in traffic. The deficit fire is presumably still raging.
09:35And here's what Mr Abbott is saying about it.
09:38Dull and almost boring. That's how the Prime Minister describes this year's federal budget, which will be handed down in eight weeks.
09:44There's no strength. We've gone from a debt and deficit disaster to somehow finding money for the car industry, the ADF, pensioners and the Great Barrier Reef.
09:56So I'm not sure where we are. Is Mr Abbott putting out the fire? Putting us to sleep or putting presents under the tree?
10:03Liberal strategist and spin homeopath Kris Kris Kristofferson. The latest news poll has you trailing the opposition 49 to 51.
10:11Tony Abbott trailing Bill Shorten's preferred Prime Minister by five points.
10:14Mr Abbott's net satisfaction at minus 32 and his disapproval rating at 61%.
10:19Things are looking up, Sean. That's true.
10:22So was the budget situation really as bad as was made out to be or were you just scaring?
10:26Get down!
10:29What is it? What is it?
10:31There was a guy up there with a bow and arrow aiming at you. It's OK. He's gone. He ran off when I shouted out.
10:37Thank you very much.
10:40Don't drink that. That could be poisoned. The water here is not safe.
10:45Well again, again, thank you. Thank you. I had no idea.
10:49Neither did I until I arrived here. Could not believe what I found.
10:52Right. Well, I was going to ask whether the whole budget emergency was just a...
10:57He had a gun pointed at you. Really? His arm looked too floppy to hold a gun.
11:12You're lucky I spotted him. Yeah. Well, I'm indebted to you, Kris Kris. That's the idea.
11:18But how do we interpret the government's jump in the polls from shithouse all the way up to bad?
11:23If there is a message in this poll, I think the message is that the public are starting to look at Labor.
11:30Hmm. The possibility that they were finding Mr Abbott more appealing didn't seem to occur to Mr Turnbull. It's interesting.
11:35And he went on as he does.
11:38You shouldn't pay too much attention to opinion polls because they, so often they contradict each other.
11:43Well, on that basis, we shouldn't pay too much attention to Malcolm or Tony either.
11:47And what do you reckon...
11:49And what do you reckon about all this talk of fire if there isn't one?
11:53If it's not okay to shout fire in a crowded movie house, what about in a half-empty house of representatives?
11:58As you know, last week we had this.
12:00It's like the arsonist complaining about the fire.
12:03This week we had this.
12:05And we have halved the trajectory of Labor's debt and the fiscal arsonists that sit on that side of the house,
12:11that were on this side and set the budget ablaze.
12:13See, I'm a little hornswoggled here because the Prime Minister is saying the deficit is the fire lit by Labor,
12:19but Scott Morrison says it's the budget that's on fire.
12:21Mr Abbott didn't exactly clarify things when he said...
12:24If you get to the scene of the fire, immediately the situation starts to ease once the fire brigade's there.
12:31Labor were the fire, we are the fire brigade.
12:34Okay, so if Labor are the fire and they're also the arsonists, that means they've set themselves on fire.
12:39And I don't think that's right. They're too green to burn, surely.
12:43Maybe the deficit and budget were used as kindling by Labor to generate enough heat so they'd eventually burn.
12:49But then where did the original flame come from?
12:52Is he saying it was spontaneous combustion?
12:55Anyway, I guess the point is that whoever and however it was started and whatever is actually on fire,
13:00the Prime Minister has a solution.
13:02I'd rather take a glass half full than a glass half empty approach to the achievements of this government when it comes to budget repair.
13:10Obviously the glass is only half full because he had to throw the other half on the fire.
13:14Whichever way you look at it though, the PM is a man who clearly takes his own similes and metaphors very seriously.
13:19When he says we are the fire brigade, he's not kidding. Look at him go.
13:26Which just indicates to me how much he wants the job.
13:28A point emphasised by this quote from former independent MP Tony Windsor's up and coming book about what Mr Abbott said to him after the 2010 election.
13:37He would say, I will do anything for this job, I will do anything, I will do anything but sell my arse.
13:44Well would he have had to sell it Minister, assisting the Prime Minister, he owned a presentation.
13:48No, look I don't think so Sean, he could have leased out his arse or do what Mike Baird's doing in New South Wales with the electricity and sell off 49% of his arse.
13:59So that would be just under one buttock.
14:01At least that way most of his arse would stay where it belongs, in Mr Abbott's hands.
14:06Thank you Iona.
14:08But I don't want to sit here and criticise the coalition government all night, as enjoyable and fun as that might be.
14:13What about the Labour opposition some of you might be thinking, particularly if you're on the ABC editorial review board.
14:18Surely they've done something that you can take cheap shots at too.
14:21Well we've been doing some digging and we think we may have found something.
14:29Yeah.
14:30Oh sure, you hear about it from time to time, you'd like it to be true but you sorta know it doesn't really exist.
14:36Well we were all proved wrong last week when the Labour Party actually released a policy.
14:42It was about submarines and had opposition leader Bill Shorten inviting France, Germany, Japan and Sweden to take part in a competitive tender process for the construction contract.
14:51On the condition the sums be built and maintained in Australia.
14:54Now Defence Minister and my menswear catalogue model, Kevin Andrews, dismissed Labour's plan saying that what Mr Short was promising was more words from Labour promising a mirage that will never eventuate.
15:04Well first of all, can you promise a mirage that will never eventuate, Ian Orbspider? Ian Orbspider, Professor of Pedantics at Box Hill Tape.
15:13Exactly Sean, a mirage by its very nature cannot in reality eventuate in any three dimensional corporeal sense.
15:19Unless Mr Andrews was referring to a mirage jet fighter.
15:23But that has as much to do with submarines as the atomic weight of neutronium, that is to say, zero.
15:30May I cover your head in alfoil?
15:32Of course.
15:33Thank you very much.
15:34Now Mr Shorten has an interesting plan for these submarines and I think we have footage of it here.
15:39We've said to the Abbott government, build it here, maintain it here, sustain it here and do it transparently.
15:44Build it here, maintain it here, Sean.
15:46Well what does sustain it here mean?
15:48I'd be more interested in the engineering challenge of making submarines transparent, Sean.
15:53Glass bottom boat, sure.
15:55We all like looking at dead coral in this country.
15:58The likelihood of anyone apart from Captain Nemo being able to make an undersea vessel out of material that fragile is about as likely as Kevin Andrews coming last in a Dracula look-alike contest.
16:09Well, thank you very much, Professor Ian.
16:14Yes, you'd think they'd be sturdier materials, wouldn't you?
16:16Nothing heavy though, because they've got to float.
16:18It's a question Lee Sales recently put to her audience.
16:21Like how reliant are we on iron ore being buoyant?
16:24Send your answers to the Lee Sales, how reliant are we on iron ore being buoyant competition, care of etc.
16:31And you could win an ABC News 24 hour pharmacy kit, everything you need to get through the pain of a daily news cycle.
16:38Torn from the bosom of the country he loved.
16:43What is this place?
16:45They call it New Holland.
16:47One day it shall be just like its namesake, filled with windmills, prostitutes, opium and largely underwater.
16:54To suffer a hell from which there seemed no escape.
16:58You have your freedom now, McKenna, and a parcel of land courtesy of His Majesty the King.
17:03And if I refuse, then you stay here and serve out the rest of your life sentence!
17:10To find love where he least expected it.
17:16Sir, I know I've only just been released from the stockade and your daughter is the first woman I've seen since.
17:21But I want to marry her.
17:23She's only 13 years old.
17:25I am prepared to wait until she reaches the age of consent, sir.
17:29Such is our love.
17:31Don't be ridiculous.
17:32She's not 14 for at least two months.
17:35So you marry our scullery maid, Enid, instead.
17:41What do you mean you've leased it to the government for atomic testing?
17:46Your father wanted you to use that land for wind farming.
17:50My mind's made up, Grandmother.
17:52Come on, Johnny.
18:01Harsh and windswept plains of the never-never was.
18:05Coming soon.
18:06Here's your land back, Johnny.
18:11Time now, though, for one arm of the media to rip itself off and beat the other arm almost to death with it in Media Sasquatch.
18:20Well, speaking of the media, the Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull...
18:26What?
18:35The Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull has been out and about defending the government's data retention legislation.
18:40The thing is, in order to do that, he's got to go deep into enemy territory, thick with journalists.
18:45But Malcolm Turnbull is nothing if not smooth.
18:47Have a look at how he raps Walkley award-winning interviewer David Spears around his little finger.
18:52I believe with Jefferson that if I had a choice of a government without journalists or journalists without government,
18:58I'd rather have the free press without the government.
19:00I really believe that.
19:02And the work that you guys do is as important as anything that we politicians do to preserve our democracy.
19:08Ooh, the old charm offensive, eh?
19:12Brilliant.
19:13That's good, that's good.
19:14You like that.
19:15You're stylish.
19:17The old charm pincer movement, eh?
19:19Two angles.
19:20Spears didn't have a chance.
19:22Sky News is famous for having an incredibly youthful audience, but the...
19:26We do.
19:27But you do.
19:28And intelligent, too.
19:29And discerning.
19:30Yes.
19:31They're almost as good-looking as the host.
19:33Wow.
19:34The old charm aerial bombardment.
19:37Malcolm had not just Spears, but the whole of Sky News just where he wanted.
19:41But where could it possibly go from there?
19:43What I'm paid to do here, and all of the other members and senators are paid to do,
19:47is basically...
19:48Apart from knocking over the...
19:49Knocking over a little plastic cup.
19:51Oh, I've knocked over.
19:52Oh, I've...
19:53I've spilled my drink.
19:54Oh.
19:55Oh.
19:56Do you mind if I come in and dry myself off?
19:59Actually, actually, I'd better...
20:00I'd better...
20:01I'd better perhaps hang...
20:02Hang these on a chair near the fire.
20:05There, that's nice.
20:06You know, I don't want to get a chill, do I?
20:08It's a very, very nice place you have here, David.
20:11Oh, yeah.
20:12Lovely, lovely.
20:13Oh, is this a Rio Stat?
20:14It is hot in here, isn't it?
20:15We should...
20:16We should...
20:17Oh, no.
20:18Oh, I see...
20:19Oh, no.
20:20It's to dim the lights.
20:21Well, then this must be the radio.
20:27Well, I...
20:28You know, I don't know whether I should drive tonight.
20:31Do you, David, maybe we should, you know...
20:34Well, here's to you, Malcolm Turnbull,
20:36you smooth-talking devil.
20:39How does he do it, I wonder?
20:41I am the communications man.
20:42Indeed.
20:44Oh, my God, I feel so cheap.
20:47I feel so cheap and ashamed.
20:48Oh, God.
20:49Leave your money on the side table and get out.
20:54Spirella Alpenstock has more.
20:56Very soon, phone and internet metadata in this country will be stored for two years,
21:01much in the way the government has stored its 2014 budget in the Senate.
21:06The difference is...
21:07It will be stored in the cloud in China, so that's obviously an issue of concern.
21:12Mind you, if they're talking about this cloud in China, I don't think anyone's ever going to see any of it.
21:18Back to you, Sean.
21:19Thanks very much, Spirella.
21:20Well, what is of concern, of course, was the unanimous cross-chamber support, as you can see here from this photo, for the specially created journalist information warrant, which protects press freedom by jailing members of the press for two years if they report on the journalism information warrant.
21:34But just how protected are journalists' sources?
21:37Cardamon Pye, editor in residence at Fairfax's regional media output hub at Tullamarine.
21:41Well, Sean, we're not really across those details. We've had our hands full trying to make deadlines for the past month or two.
21:48150 country newspapers put together by just three people, only two of which are actual full-time casual sub-editors, leaving the third.
21:58A young fella, I can't remember his name, to do the printing, distributing and uploading of the digiversion online.
22:05And then, of course, there's the updating every 45 seconds.
22:08And when I say updating, I mean changing the headlines so people click on it thinking it's a new subject, you know.
22:13More hits, more advertising. Rivers of gold dried up years ago. Cardamon, you dinosaur.
22:18Alright, do you feel your sources are adequately protected?
22:21Oh, it's mostly opinion pieces now, Sean. And columnists don't need sources. They just make it up off the top of their head.
22:27You know, type it up, hit spellcheck, bung it up online, stick some YouTube clips in, sponsor the link with a picky of a side boob and then start trawling Twitter for the next thing to talk about.
22:36A check with marketing, a work in some native advertising, bang, cut and paste, news aggregation, you won't believe what happens next.
22:43Is paleo the next something or other? Wardrobe malfunctions, too much information, NKR updates, excuse me.
22:49David Clohese, 45 of 12 Ballast and Crescent, Fitzhulme, Western Australia. Your anonymity is very important to you as a journalist source.
22:5812A Ballast and Crescent actually, Sean.
23:00I see. Are you comforted at all by the...
23:03Click the mouse over the pause button on the upload box and take the 14 photos of Charlize Theron's wardrobe malfunction that you've clicked and dragged off Huffington Post and then put a text box around it.
23:13Still to come later in the week.
23:20The block's ivory granny flat extension challenge fails to pass fire safety checks.
23:26Prince Charles bowls. Camilla Parker doesn't.
23:30Well, organisers of a national disability conference have come under fire.
23:36Probably those bloody labour arsonists again, isn't it?
23:40After a speaker at the sixth annual National Disability Summit had to be carried on and off the stage because it wasn't wheelchair accessible.
23:47Also, the food was out of reach for people in wheelchairs.
23:50And the wheelchair accessible toilet was used as storage and filled with chairs.
23:55Now, making a wheelchair accessible toilet inaccessible to wheelchairs by cramming it with chairs without wheels might seem perverse.
24:03But I think it's a bit like the Liberal Party holding their International Women's Day lunch in a men's only club.
24:08Of which the Prime Minister rightly said...
24:11Good old Liberal National Party smashing the glass ceiling yet again, yet again smashing the glass ceiling.
24:18I say congratulations and thank God.
24:21Yes, it was irony. It was irony. It was a joke.
24:25Women's Day in a men's club. Liberal National Party claiming to have broken the glass ceiling.
24:30No toilets or food or access to the stage for the national disability patrons.
24:34Australians have always had a great ability to laugh at each other, particularly those less fortunate.
24:39Mind you, I think having a national disability conference and calling it a summit goes a bit too far.
24:45Particularly when they don't supply a ramp.
24:48Coming up later in the week...
24:51Until recently, it was thought that this species of fly preferred to walk everywhere because of a genetic mutation.
24:58We now know it is because it has a fear of flying.
25:02Sean McAuliffe's Aerophobic House Flyers of T.L. Dolph Lagan. Sunday, 7.40.
25:09Well, if this year so far has taught us anything, it's that whatever Bill Shorten's failings in terms of dress sense, posture, hairstyling, and as a figurehead for a revitalised Labour Party,
25:19he will always be remembered for his ability to blast a political opponent to smithereens with a well-aimed zinger.
25:25But how much work goes on behind the scenes to make it all seem so easy?
25:29This budget has had more reboots and more barnacle removals than the Titanic.
25:34And the problem is, the problem is, it's not the barnacles on the budget, on this unfair budget, which are impeding it.
25:41It's that this unfair budget has sunk without trace.
25:44That the Titanic was never rebooted or debarnacled doesn't get in the way of that being a fucking classic.
25:55But jokes like that don't write themselves. Believe it or not, someone actually thinks them up.
26:02This is former full-frontal writer and now current chief speechwriter for Bill Shorten, Simon Frotting.
26:09Just to take note, in a good place, and then we get...
26:12Oh, that's one of mine. The denial one.
26:15Simon spends up to 13 hours a day crafting his boss's joke for the day.
26:19Simon also doubles as Labour's head of policy development, so he has plenty of time on his hands.
26:26So here's a couple of examples. Tony Abbott, beautiful one day, gone the next.
26:29That's if he's in Queensland when the leadership spill happens.
26:32And this lame duck just had his goose cooked.
26:36Yeah, obviously, you know, it's not supposed to be too funny.
26:39Why is that? Surely...
26:40Well, because these lines aren't meant for you and me.
26:42They're written for Mr and Mrs Ordinary Australian.
26:44And the thing about Ordinary Australian is they don't like a smart-ass.
26:47You know, they don't like someone who thinks they're funny.
26:49I mean, I'm not even going to go at your show.
26:51I mean, Bill loves mad as hell, and particularly Bill Zingers.
26:54You know, he knows it's done with affection.
26:56So, you know, you take a vaguely amusing play on words
26:59and you destroy any scintilla of amusement it has
27:02by having it delivered all clunky and wooden without any rhythm or feel.
27:06And anyone listening thinks, hey, you know, this guy has little or no polish whatsoever.
27:11Talking about Bill.
27:12And that makes him seem human-ish.
27:15It's not a question of rebooting the Prime Minister.
27:18I think it's now come to the point of booting the Prime Minister out
27:21and him taking his unpopular budget with him.
27:25From a barely thought-out idea scrawled on a whiteboard
27:29to the ears of thousands of Labor voters all over Australia,
27:33we see the awesome power of words.
27:36Words delivered almost but not quite in the right order
27:39and sometimes even mispronounced or left out entirely.
27:43True satire, then, is about challenging the paradigm and changing minds,
27:49not about silly made-up character names.
27:52Annapurna hieroglyph for mad as hell.
28:05We're not coming up because we've run out of time.
28:08Pope Francis launches Vatican pizza delivery service.
28:12If it arrives hot, it's a miracle.
28:14And if genius is 99% perspiration,
28:17then Barnaby Joyce is Albert Einstein.
28:22Well, last week we said goodbye to a great man.
28:24And whatever you may have thought of him, his influence was undeniable.
28:27His legacy will live on and he will never be replaced.
28:31For everything you achieved, Zayn Malik from One Direction,
28:34we salute you.
28:36Goodbye.
28:38Goodbye.
28:39Goodbye.
28:40Goodbye.
28:41Goodbye.
28:42Goodbye.
28:43Goodbye.
28:44Goodbye.
28:45Goodbye.
28:46Goodbye.
28:47Goodbye.
28:48Goodbye.
28:49Goodbye.
28:50Goodbye.
28:51Goodbye.
28:52Goodbye.
28:53Goodbye.
28:54Goodbye.
28:55Goodbye.
28:56Goodbye.
28:57Goodbye.
28:58Goodbye.
28:59Goodbye.
29:00Goodbye.
29:01Goodbye.
29:02Goodbye.
29:03Goodbye.
29:04Goodbye.
29:05Goodbye.
29:06Goodbye.