- 18/05/2025
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00:00Now my old darling, they've laid her down to rest
00:08And now I'm missing her with all me heart
00:11But they don't give her monkeys down at the HSS
00:15And they've gone and I'll be ventured for a star
00:18So it won't be very long before I'm by her side
00:23Cos I'll probably starve to death, that's what I'll do
00:26For richer or poorer I'm bloody poorer
00:29Just cos in sickness and in health, I'll say I'll do
00:33In sickness and in health, I'll say I'll do
00:39And Mr Garnet
00:42What are you waiting, Mr Garnet?
00:49Same, is it?
00:50But go on, I'm feeling generous
00:52Stop doing that
00:53I'll have one of them and a small scotch too if you're feeling generous
00:59I ain't feeling that generous
01:00Give this place a bad name, they will
01:08Who?
01:09Him, his sort
01:10Never used to get them in here
01:12I blame your parliament, since they made it legal
01:14They're springing up all over the place, they are
01:16You go out in a men's bog after they've been out there
01:19Smells like a lady's boodwine, isn't it?
01:22I wouldn't go out in the bog if they were in it
01:24No, I mean, I wouldn't trust them
01:25Wouldn't turn me back on them, I tell you
01:27You have them in the house, though
01:29Oh, yeah, yeah
01:30They're very handy round the house, very useful
01:33He's a good servant
01:34Can't cook, though, the coon
01:36Here you go, Mr Garnet
01:38And, er, my friend brought you the whiskies
01:41Cheers
01:42Bloody queers all over the place now
01:50Always sat with a Baxter camera on telly one time
01:54Sat facing it now, reading the news
01:56Yeah, well, it's a more open society now, Alf
01:59I mean, in the old days, well, there was more prejudice in them days
02:02Yeah, we was better all for it, wasn't we?
02:04Well, it's a free country, Alf
02:05You can be a free country without letting people go around
02:08Do exactly what they want to do
02:09Ah, come on, look, you can't have it both ways
02:12How can it be a free country
02:13If you don't let people do what they want to do?
02:15Control, control, discipline
02:18Control, discipline?
02:19In a free country?
02:21Yeah, God, Blimey, you can't have a free country without control
02:25I'd like to be free to come in this pub
02:27And have a drink without the likes of them in here
02:29Well, they bought you a drink
02:31Cheers
02:32Not the point, is it?
02:36Self-discipline, that's what I'm talking about
02:38Something they've never heard of
02:40Something we know about
02:41Not allowing your base and unnatural feelings to rule you
02:44Like they've done
02:45I mean, if God had wanted them to be queers
02:48And behave like women
02:49And they made them women
02:50And given them women's things
02:52And they made them in the shape of men
02:55And given them men's things
02:56They're a mistake, people like that
02:57We're going to the Chinese for a meal
02:59Do you want to come?
03:00No, thanks
03:01Get off!
03:03Check yourself
03:04How about that?
03:05Pity you ain't that way off
03:07Because I think they fancy you
03:08I'll tell you what
03:11In the old days
03:11Young Marigold had a time of his life
03:13When there was boats in them docks, eh?
03:15I mean, you say
03:15There's always partial to the pansies, isn't there?
03:18A lot of things was different
03:19When there was boats in them docks, mate
03:21We had full employment for start off
03:23Hello
03:24There's your Mrs. Ollenbury
03:25She's got a jug with her
03:26Getting a couple of pints for Sunday lunch, I suppose
03:29Hey, don't she ever invite you up to lunch Sundays, Alf?
03:32No
03:32I mean, I thought you got your feet under the table there by now
03:35Shut up
03:35I mean, she ain't bad for her age, is she?
03:38I mean, she's younger than you are
03:39You know what they say
03:41The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune
03:43And the old port in the storm
03:45You want to get in there, Alf, if I was you
03:47Even if it was only for your Sunday lunch
03:49Hold it
03:50Yeah, well, never mind about Mrs. Ollenbury
03:52We're talking about the docks, mate
03:54Your bloody unions what killed the docks
03:56Your unions put an end to full employment, didn't they?
03:59Demanding too much or too little
04:00Wrong, Alf, wrong
04:02It was all the hurry up, hurry up
04:04That's what put an end to full employment
04:05See, in the old days
04:06We had the right idea about employment
04:08If we got a job, we made it last
04:11We didn't rush around like blue-ass flies
04:13Like they do nowadays
04:14I mean, we used to not listen to all this hurry up talk
04:18This high productivity and hurry up jargon
04:20Our philosophy was save a bit of work for tomorrow
04:24Yeah
04:24We wasn't greedy like they are today
04:26I mean, today there was one man doing a job
04:29Where they used to be free
04:30Yeah
04:30And two young lads as well
04:32Yeah
04:32Job sharing
04:33That's what we believed in
04:34I know
04:35And everybody worked at the speed of the slowest
04:37Christianity
04:38Get off out of it
04:40Christianity, simple as that
04:42I mean, protect the weakest
04:44Don't run when others less able can only walk
04:47I mean, now they want to work for the speed of the fastest
04:50And there's four million unemployed to prove it
04:53Nah, mate, it's all wrong
04:55In the old days, in them docks
04:56You could see the work piling up
04:59I've seen them docks full of boats
05:01All waiting to be unloaded
05:03And hundreds more out in the channel
05:05Laying off there at anchor
05:06Waiting to come in
05:06You could sit in them docks
05:09And look at them boats
05:10And say to yourself
05:11If I stay at this pace
05:13For a night slower
05:15For years unloading all that stuff
05:17Use your loaf, I used to think
05:19And there's enough work to last me there
05:20Till I retire
05:21All them boats laying out at anchor
05:25Said all pissed off
05:26And got unloaded somewhere else
05:28Didn't they?
05:29They couldn't get unloaded anywhere else
05:31I mean, they had to be unloaded there
05:33All that cargo belonged to people here
05:34That's where we had them by the cobblers
05:36I mean, they had to be unloaded here by us
05:38No good going anywhere else
05:40I mean, they were our imports
05:41All that stuff had to be delivered to people here
05:44Yeah, but them people got fed up waiting, Arthur, didn't they?
05:47The things they wanted for their factories and their shops
05:49Was all laying out in the channel there
05:51Going rotten, wasn't they?
05:52Yeah, well, that's where we came, innit?
05:54The overtime
05:55Double time
05:56Triple time
05:56They was good days, they was, Alf
05:58That's when you worked your man was king
06:00Yeah
06:01You could strike in those days, all right
06:03I mean, they had to pay you
06:04They had to come to terms with you fast
06:06Otherwise, if they didn't
06:08We'd let their cargoes
06:11Stay up there in the channel and rot
06:12Thanks to Margaret Thatcher
06:15Woman, though she might be
06:18And days are over, mate
06:20When the unions was running the country
06:21Our bloody union
06:23I thought they was running the country
06:25Pathetic
06:25They had no say at all
06:27I mean, that last strike we had
06:28We was out on strike for months
06:30We was
06:30Run out of employment benefit
06:32Run out of supplementary
06:33But run out of every bloody benefit we did
06:35So I called a meeting, didn't I?
06:37I got all the other moderates together
06:38All the other middle-of-the-roaders
06:39And I said, now, look
06:40I said, enough is enough
06:42We've shown our strength
06:44Oh, pardon me
06:45We've shown our strength
06:48Let's go back to work
06:50So we did
06:51The bloody place wasn't there no more
06:54Bill's up for sale
06:56Plast all over
06:57They buggered off the lot of them
06:58And we all had to go out
07:00And look for another job
07:01I wouldn't have minded
07:01But I was happy there
07:02So don't talk to me about bloody unions
07:04Yeah, yeah, well
07:06I don't know about you, Alf
07:07But I'm looking forward to my lunch
07:09I love my Sunday lunch
07:10Best lunch of the week, that is
07:12Roast beef
07:14Yorkshire pudding
07:15Roast potatoes
07:16Got fresh garden peas this week
07:18And a nice bit of sirloin
07:20On the bone
07:21With streaks of fat
07:22Running right through it
07:23Oh, that's going to roast well, that is
07:26How'd you go on about
07:27Sunday lunch these days, Alf?
07:29Don't get none, do I?
07:31No
07:31Well, that's hard, that is
07:32That must be one of the things
07:33You miss her for most, didn't it?
07:35She was a good cook, Alf
07:36Yeah, it brings it home to you, doesn't it?
07:38I mean, what they meant to you
07:39And what a sad, sad loss you suffered
07:41I'm suffering
07:42I'm suffering
07:43I mean, we was close, you know
07:45I mean, I knew I'd miss her
07:47I didn't think a bit of spade
07:51No, no
07:52I wouldn't like to dwell on what I do without mine
07:55Good cook
07:57Born to cook
07:58Born to the kitchen she was
07:59Here
08:00Why don't you come and have Sunday lunch with us, Alf?
08:03Oh, thanks
08:04I like that, Alf
08:04Right, that's done
08:05I'll fix that one week
08:07Smell that
08:12Smell it
08:13Go on, smell it
08:13God, you talk about nostalgia
08:16That's the smell that reminds me of London on a Sunday
08:19Miles and miles of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding cooking
08:22I've got to go
08:24Fred
08:45Bloody marigold
09:03She'll be here on Sundays
09:07She'll be here to cook my Sunday dinner
09:10Bloody useless black fairy is
09:12And that thing upstairs
09:15Calls herself a neighbour
09:16She could do it
09:17Wouldn't hurt her
09:18She knows I'm darn here on my own
09:20She's got to cook for herself
09:22She's just as easy to cook for me
09:23No, it's too much bloody trouble, innit
09:25I mean, I could sit here and starve for all that
09:29Any of them care
09:30Call themselves Christians
09:31Blimey
09:32Love thy neighbour
09:33Not one of them knocked on my door
09:35See if I got this Sunday dinner
09:36Oh, yeah
09:37They put pennies in the box for Ethiopians
09:39They give things to Oxfam
09:40Quicken off
09:42Quicken off
09:42Flying off to Africa
09:44Looking for starving blackies
09:45But nobody
09:47Nobody
09:48Knocks at my door
09:50See if I've got this Sunday dinner
09:51Where is the bloody
09:53Get off of me
09:55Bloody marigold
09:57He's always moving
09:59He's always hiding things
10:00He is, I'll suck him
10:01Get an appointment to the bloody council
10:06There's nothing in it
10:07Look, no shopping
10:08Nothing
10:09Bloody
10:10I do
10:11He is
10:11Rita should be here
10:13Fine daughter she is
10:15Leave me
10:15Her bloody will starve
10:16She's
10:17Where is the Sunday dinner
10:19Bloody bread
10:21Bloody bread
10:22Where is it
10:23With a bloody dinner
10:24Baked beans
10:25I can't open it
10:26Because that bloody stupid
10:28Black coon
10:29Has gone in the Sunday dinner
10:31Bread
10:41Marvellous, isn't it?
10:44Bread
10:54Marvellous, isn't it?
10:58Dry bread
10:59For me Sunday dinner
11:00I bet there's no butter
11:04Can't be worth looking for it
11:07Because I know there won't be any
11:08Not if marigold's gone out
11:10I'm done the shopping
11:11I'm right
11:16No bloody butter
11:18There's a cheese call
11:25I've put that cheese in there myself
11:26That bloody daft coon's got an eating it
11:28That's it, isn't it?
11:32That's it
11:32Dry bread for your Sunday dinner
11:34Marvellous
11:36There's criminals
11:37There's bloody murderers
11:40Sitting in prison
11:41Got a bit of Sunday dinner
11:43And I've got
11:43There's muggers
11:44There's rapists
11:45Sitting down at roast beef
11:46And Yorkshire pudding
11:47I have got to eat
11:48Bloody stale
11:50Drain bread
11:51Bloody Labour council
11:54Vote for us
11:58We'll look after you
11:59If you're poor
12:00We look after you
12:01Old age pensioners
12:02We are the party
12:02What cares
12:03They don't give a shit
12:04Not one of them
12:07Not one of them
12:08Knocked on my door
12:09Say if I've got any Sunday dinner
12:10Nor your SDP
12:11I can eat dry bread
12:12As far as they're concerned
12:14Who's that?
12:14Who's that?
12:15I'll get out
12:16Bloody house
12:16Get out of my place
12:18What?
12:22What's that?
12:23Oh, hello, Mr Garnett
12:24It's just a bit of lunch
12:26I've brought over
12:27God, Blond
12:32Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding
12:34Yes
12:34Spotted dick and custard
12:37Thank you
12:39It's for Mrs Hollingberry
12:41Is that my dinner?
12:45Oh
12:45Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding
12:48Spotty dick and custard
12:51Saves you cooking, doesn't it?
12:54Oh, I'm very grateful
12:55Well, what are neighbours for
12:56If they can't give a helping hand?
12:58That's what I always say
12:59Now go and eat it while it's hot
13:01And look after yourself
13:02And if you want anything
13:04You know where I am
13:06Oh, what a nice woman
13:07She goes to my church
13:09Oh, that does smell good
13:10Well, mustn't let it get cold
13:12And that's it
13:18That's it, they've had it
13:20All of them
13:21Bloody Marigold, Rita
13:23That thing upstairs
13:24They've had it
13:26They can't do nothing for me
13:27I won't do nothing for them
13:28That's it
13:29That's the end of it
13:30As far as I'm concerned
13:31I'll do my own cooking
13:32From now on
13:33And I'll open my window
13:36When I do the cooking
13:37And let them smell it
13:38I hope they're hungry
13:41When they smell it
13:42It'll be my turn to laugh
13:44Then, won't it?
14:08Oh, my God
14:38Then, won't it?
15:05Oh, my God
20:00There you go.
20:02There you go.
20:04There's some flour.
20:06You can have the chops and all.
20:11Take them and go.
20:12Thanks very much.
20:14See you next week, then.
20:15LAUGHTER
20:17APPLAUSE
20:19Not much on them, is there?
20:39It's all skin.
20:42Money they charge, too.
20:44There's nothing on them.
20:46Well, where's it?
20:49Ah!
20:50Go!
20:51Ah!
20:52Bloody daft coon!
20:54Christ!
20:55That's where he put my cheese!
20:57Christ!
20:58I'm starving.
20:59He's feeding bloody mice.
21:04LAUGHTER
21:05No mice here anyway.
21:11Got any intelligence?
21:12They've all cleared out years ago.
21:14I only get mice where there's plenty of food.
21:18They're not stupid.
21:19There's nothing lives in this house.
21:21Except me and her upstairs.
21:24I ain't seen a fly for years.
21:27I got pissed off out of it.
21:30So would I, if I had wings.
21:33All down the door, just if I got any sense.
21:35All hovering about over the tables down there.
21:36Zzzz.
21:37Oh, look, that looks nice.
21:40No, that's better.
21:41Look, steak pudding, my favourite.
21:42Zzzz.
21:43I love some of that.
21:44Zzzz.
21:44Zzzz.
21:45Here, perhaps that's what we come back as, fly.
21:52Not a bad life, fly, is it?
21:54Come in handy, them wings.
21:56Fly anywhere you fancy, couldn't you?
21:57You wouldn't have to spend the winters here, you know?
22:00Off into the sun.
22:01Don't have to do no work.
22:02Get fed up flying about.
22:04Just have a rest.
22:06Sit on somebody's windowsill in the sun.
22:08Have a kip.
22:09And they're all equal, aren't they?
22:11Flies.
22:13I mean, you'll see them all eating off the same bit of food.
22:15I mean, you don't get somebody saying,
22:17No, you can't come in here and you're not allowed in there.
22:20Don't have to bother with the DHSS, neither.
22:24Nor your National Health Service.
22:27I mean, all that rubbish, them flies eating,
22:29they never get ill, do they?
22:33Don't have to peel potatoes, neither.
22:38Nor cook their own dinner.
22:41Bloody thing.
22:42Ouch!
22:48Get out of here!
22:49Get out of here!
22:51Notting things, come out of it!
23:15Notting things, come out of it!
23:19Hello, Rita.
23:30She ain't here yet.
23:30No, see, it's the auntie-law's phone.
23:42She has to run round the corner to fetch her.
23:44Run.
23:45She'd move a bloody sight faster
23:46if she was paying for the call, wouldn't she, eh?
23:55I'll reverse the charges next time.
23:56Hello?
24:00Hello, Rita.
24:02Oh, blimey, I'm sorry about this.
24:04I've only got to ask about the pastry for me meat puddin', see?
24:06The meat's all cooked and...
24:07Oh, I can tell you about pastry.
24:09Just a minute.
24:09Hello?
24:10Where shall I meet you, then?
24:12I don't know.
24:12John Lewis's.
24:14We've got to cross line here.
24:15Oh, isn't it, Mary?
24:17It's up to you.
24:18You say.
24:19I don't mind.
24:20Well, make up your mind where you're going to meet, will you?
24:24I'm waiting to talk to my daughter.
24:26Get off the line.
24:27We've got someone on our line, I think.
24:29No, no, you ain't.
24:30No, you ain't got nobody on your line, my dear.
24:33It's me.
24:34I have got somebody on my line.
24:36You have come onto my line.
24:38We were talking and you've come onto our line.
24:40No, excuse me.
24:42I was waiting to talk to my daughter and you have come onto my line.
24:45No, we were talking and you've come onto our line.
24:48No, you have come onto my line.
24:52I've got to put his phone down.
24:54Will you put your phone down?
24:55No, you put your phone down.
24:57We're talking.
24:58Well, shut your mouth and give your bloody time a rest, will you?
25:01Let somebody else talk for a change.
25:03Don't you use that language to me.
25:05I'll use whatever language you want.
25:06I'm talking on my own phone in my own house.
25:08Is my phone my house?
25:10I'm on my own phone too.
25:12Oh, you will.
25:13Get off it and let other people use a bloody phone.
25:16No, I won't.
25:16I'll sit here and I won't watch till you get off that line.
25:19Well, you bloody will sit there, missus,
25:21and I shall bloody will sit here and all.
25:24Dad.
25:25What?
25:25Dad.
25:26Shut up, Rita.
25:26You keep out of this.
25:28No, I'm not going to let her get away with it.
25:31No, I've got as much right to talk on my phone
25:34as she has to talk on hers.
25:36Put that phone down.
25:37No, it's the principle of the thing.
25:38They have to put her bloody phone down.
25:40She has come on to my line.
25:42I'm not on her line.
25:44It's my line.
25:45Yes, I know, and we was on it first.
25:48But this is costing money.
25:50It's costing her money too, isn't it?
25:53Hold on, hold on.
25:54I think they're gone.
25:56Yes, I know.
25:57Will you get off this phone?
25:59I'm not putting my phone down till you put yours down.
26:01If you don't get off, I'll tell the operator.
26:04Well, tell the operator then,
26:05and I'll tell the operator too
26:06because you're obstructing my line.
26:07It's my line.
26:08It's not your line.
26:09It's my line.
26:10Tell her.
26:11I'm telling you.
26:12Just a minute, just a minute.
26:13She's got her husband.
26:14You're what?
26:15She's got her husband.
26:16You're what?
26:18You're do what, mate?
26:19Oh, yeah, I'd like to see you try.
26:23Well, you come down here then and try that.
26:26No, I'm not coming up to bloody Liverpool.
26:29Bloody England's Gasket.
26:30No, you come down here.
26:32Oh, yeah.
26:33It's easy to be brave on the phone, isn't it?
26:35Oh, yeah.
26:36Look, you come down here, mate,
26:37and you'll be sorry you come down here.
26:39I'll tell you that for a start off.
26:41Oh, yeah.
26:41Oh, yeah.
26:43Look, I've done a bit too, mate.
26:44Give me that.
26:44Give me that.
26:45Listen, I'm sorry about all this.
26:48All right, well, I said I was sorry.
26:49Don't apologise, quid.
26:51No, shut up.
26:51Listen.
26:52Look, are you going to let me speak?
26:54Look, don't you use that language with me.
26:58You'll do what exactly, you ignorant oath?
27:02Why don't you speak to me like that?
27:04I will, you?
27:05Will you?
27:06Right, well, I'm going to trace your number.
27:08Oh, come on, come on, Mr Garnett.
27:10I'll help you with your pastry.
27:12For your information, I am not a contortionist.
27:17I told you, Mr Garnett,
27:19if only you'll sink your pride
27:21and try to be pleasant to Mrs Olinbury.
27:24Well, at least not quite so rude.
27:26Rude?
27:27Who's rude?
27:27Well, she's willing, she says, to cook for you,
27:30provided, she says,
27:31you are prepared to make yourself handy for her.
27:34Well, what does she mean handy for her?
27:41Oh, jobs, that's all.
27:43You help her out, she'll help you out.
27:45Your daughter, Rena, is on my phone!
27:47How long's she been on here?
27:56Not long.
27:57Well, don't matter, does it?
27:59That's the heart-in-law playing this time, isn't she?
28:02She reversed the charges!
28:04Ha-ha!
28:05I accepted them!
28:06Ha-ha!
28:06Hello, Rita?
28:12Well, I don't mind.
28:13What do you say?
28:14No, you say...
28:15It's them again!
28:17It's them again!
28:17Will you get off this bloody phone?
28:20Your what?
28:21It's the husband again.
28:22Your what?
28:24Will you get off my phone?
28:27Listen, I told you before.
28:29Will you?
28:30Right, well, I shall spit at you!
28:31No!
28:36You are not spitting at me, I am spitting at you!
28:41You get out of there, that's spit!
28:53Is it dinner time yet?
28:57When you finish dusting, there's the floor to do you.
29:00Floor?
29:02Hmm.
29:03I'm not getting on my knees for no bloody woman!
29:07I'd rather starve!
29:09I'm not your lackey!
29:12And besides, your cooking ain't worth it!
29:20And my darling may play it down to that
29:23And now I'm missing out of all the art
29:26And they hug you the monkey's and the aces
29:30And they hug you the monkey's and the aces
29:32And their actors
29:33So what will you do before I find us?
29:38I'll probably start an adventure, but I'll do
29:41The return of the poor I'm bloody for a lesson
29:45And that's what it's in this energy,
29:47And they'll cost it or do
29:48It's in this energy, and it'll cost it or do
29:52It's in this energy, and it'll cost it or do
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