King Of The Hill Season 1 Episode 7 Westie Side Story
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00:00Why, I guess we're finally getting some new neighbors.
00:16I tell you, if that boy handles the football half as good as he handles the cardboard box,
00:23Arlen High's got herself a new tight end.
00:26Hey, you think the dad's a good bowler?
00:29Yeah, he looks like a good bowler.
00:32Maybe he needs someone to bowl with.
00:34Notice how he lifts with his legs.
00:38I think they're gonna fit in just fine.
00:42Howdy, fellas.
00:43What brings you to Arlen?
00:45Well, uh, this family hired us to move their stuff.
00:59Yeah.
01:00Yeah.
01:00What brings you to Arlen High's?
01:04Well, let's go.
01:07Let's go.
01:38We'll all be damned.
01:42They look Japanese.
01:44Nope. I think they're Chinese.
01:47How can you tell?
01:48Japanese guys usually have glasses and a suit and a tie and stuff like that.
01:55Uh-huh.
01:56Well, a neighbor's a neighbor. Let's go over and say hi.
02:00You reckon they even speak English?
02:03Yeah, man, them Chinese, man, you can't understand the whole word they say, man.
02:07They just try to listen to the whole upside-down whatnot.
02:12Hi there. I'm Hank Hill.
02:15I live next door, which means I'm your neighbor and you're my friend.
02:20I think you'll find we have a great little community here.
02:25What do you think of it so far?
02:26I am Khan Supanusinpon.
02:30Hmm. So that's pronounced Khan, right?
02:35Nice to meet you.
02:39What the hell are you trying to do?
02:42So are you Chinese or Japanese?
02:49I live in California last 20 years, but first come from Laos.
02:53Huh?
02:54Laos.
02:55We Laotian.
02:57The ocean?
02:58What ocean?
02:59We are Laotian.
03:01From Laos, stupid.
03:03It's a landlocked country in Southeast Asia.
03:05It's between Vietnam and Thailand, okay?
03:08Population, 4.7 million.
03:12So are you Chinese or Japanese?
03:16This is so very exciting.
03:20It's like we get to travel to the Orient without having to worry about diarrhea
03:24or being jailed for our pro-democracy beliefs.
03:28You know, at the Beauty Academy, they teach us that people aren't black or white or yellow or red,
03:37but their hair can be.
03:39I'm going to invite our new neighbors to dinner.
03:43We can't expect them to break the ice.
03:46These people are by nature shy and reserved.
03:48I read somewhere that the Chinese language has 72 words for rise, but no word for friend.
03:57Howdy, you all.
04:00Howdy, howdy, howdy.
04:02Can you believe this crap?
04:04You want to live in this country, learn to speak English.
04:07I'm not going.
04:08But you promise.
04:10Why go?
04:11I could just stay home, order a bucket of chicken and watch Yee-Haw.
04:15Same thing.
04:16Can, please, for once, try not to piss off, neighbor.
04:20We kick out of Laos.
04:22We kick out of Anaheim.
04:24I'm tired of running.
04:29Hello, Can.
04:32Hank.
04:33Oh, damn.
04:34Damn.
04:35Oh, you have damn fine house.
04:38Lead free since 1988.
04:41This is my wife, Min, and daughter, Can, Jr.
04:44And this is Peggy Hill.
04:48On behalf of Arlen, Texas, I would like to welcome you to our country.
04:54Now, please make yourselves at home and take off your shoes.
04:58Wait.
04:59You just shampoo carpet?
05:03Come on, Bobby.
05:05Have some seconds.
05:06The girl's lapping you.
05:08I've never had beef chop suey before.
05:11Really?
05:11Oh, you poor dear.
05:14You know, I read somewhere that in certain parts of China, meat is as scarce as toilet paper.
05:21Well, where you read that?
05:23Oh, who can remember?
05:25You know, as a substitute teacher, I have to review all sorts of learning materials.
05:30Bobby was on a placemat.
05:32So you're a teacher.
05:33Oh, maybe you can tell me why Arlen test scores are so low.
05:38I know why.
05:40It's because Con, Jr. not there to bring up average.
05:44You know, my boy here might not be the best test taker, but he's got near perfect attendance.
05:51Tell him, Bobby.
05:53I hope you all save some room for my famous apple brown Betty.
05:57The recipe is a closely guarded family secret, passed on from my mother's mother to my mother to me.
06:05And someday, I will give it to my Bobby.
06:10Well, at least the brown Betty was good.
06:13You must give me recipe.
06:15Oh, man, you know I can't do that.
06:18But what I can do is offer you some leftovers.
06:21Here, now just reheat this for ten minutes.
06:24I have already said way too much.
06:28Well, y'all come back now, you hear?
06:31That's Texan for sayonara.
06:34Oh, my, Peggy Hill.
06:36What big feet do you have?
06:38Like boat.
06:40Well, that's just the way God made me.
06:47Hey, look at me.
06:49Hey, I'm like little girl in mama's shoes.
06:52Okay, bye-bye now.
06:54Bye-bye.
06:56Now, honey, she didn't mean anything by it.
07:00You do not come into a woman's home and insult her fate.
07:04You just don't.
07:05Oh, come on, Peg.
07:07Remember when you first moved here from Montana?
07:11You called Pop Sody Pop?
07:14And you thought 93 in the Shade was hot.
07:17Our new neighbors are just like you.
07:21All they need is a little bit of time and Hank Hill to watch out for them.
07:26Well, do you think my feet are too big?
07:29No.
07:30There's just more of you to love.
07:33Ow.
07:34Oh, sorry.
07:35Be careful, Bobby.
07:47That's one of them Chinese fighting dogs.
07:50Oh, it's a West Highland Terrier.
07:52Yeah, that's it.
07:54So what's his name?
07:56Doggy.
07:56Yes, Con Jr., he's a doggy.
07:59Now, can you tell me his name?
08:01He's called Doggy.
08:02And that's called a doggy, too, but her name is Lady Bird.
08:07She's a purebred Georgia bloodhound.
08:10Her mama tracked down James Earl Ray.
08:13Woo-hoo!
08:15Ah, aren't kids great?
08:18They're too young to know about fear or prejudice.
08:22They won't have to learn that till high school.
08:25Yep, there's a real lesson here for all of us.
08:30Move, please.
08:31You're standing on my hose.
08:39Dad, look.
08:41Lady Bird and Doggy like each other.
08:43Of course they do, son.
08:45They're neighbors.
08:46You know, Con, I just found a breeding partner for my Lady Bird.
08:50If you're interested in having a real American dog, I can give...
08:55What the hell?
08:56Get him off!
08:57Get him off of her!
08:59Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
09:00Your Lady Bird!
09:01She's a real slut!
09:03Lady Bird is not a slut.
09:05She is in heat.
09:07Her hormones have overwhelmed her natural modesty.
09:13For Pete's sake, would you tie up your dog?
09:17Will you tie your dog?
09:18She seduced my doggy.
09:19That's ridiculous.
09:21Lady Bird can only love another purebred Georgia bloodhound.
09:26You know what I think, Hank Hill?
09:28I think you're a narrow-minded redneck.
09:30Oh, I get it.
09:31Just because I'm from Texas, I gotta be some kind of redneck.
09:35Chinese and her stupid stereotype.
09:38Get off my property!
09:39Sorry, Lady Bird.
09:46I know you didn't mean to, uh, have relations with that dog.
09:51But I gotta tie you up anyway, if only to protect your virtue and good name.
09:56Well, hey, look that.
10:11Maybe Con will let you borrow his sexy little import.
10:14I'd cut my entire quarter acre with the Lady Bick before I'd borrow that man's mower.
10:20I just don't like him.
10:23Why?
10:23Cause he's Chinese?
10:25No.
10:26So he's green.
10:27What the hell's the difference?
10:29I don't like the man.
10:31That has nothing to do with where he's from.
10:34I'm no redneck.
10:36He could be from Mars for all I care.
10:38Believe me, Hank, if Con were from Mars, you'd care.
10:43Especially after he's stolen every last drop of Earth's drinkable water to transport back to his home planet.
10:52Mars.
10:54Come on, stop dawdling, Luanne.
10:56We've got to pick up that pizza before the cheese gets cold and the pineapple gets off.
11:01What's the rush?
11:02If we're not there in 30 minutes, it's free.
11:08Peggy Hill, Peggy Hill, stop.
11:10Wait, Aunt Peggy, it's men.
11:12Mm-hmm.
11:13Stop.
11:14Oh, my men, I almost did not see you there.
11:19Peggy Hill, I feel deeply, deeply sorry about dinner.
11:24We get off to a bad start.
11:26I see things I should only have thought.
11:29Oh, men, thank you.
11:33I mean, it must have taken a lot of courage to apologize like that.
11:36And I know, I was once the new girl in town myself.
11:40Me, Con, Con Jr. have a barbecue tomorrow.
11:44It means so much if you come.
11:47Well, thank you, men.
11:48We would be honored to come.
11:50And if you need any help with the barbecue,
11:53or if you just want to know what a barbecue is,
11:56you give me a call.
11:57Uh-uh, Peggy.
12:02I can't go.
12:03I won't.
12:04Not after what he said about Lady Bird.
12:07Oh, Hank, come on.
12:09Now, men and I just made up.
12:11We have to go.
12:12And if you stay home,
12:14people will think you don't like Con just because he's Oriental.
12:17That is ridiculous.
12:19I hate the man because he's rude and nasty,
12:23not because of what his people did to us in WW2.
12:27Well, Hank, I know that.
12:29But everyone else, they'll say Hank Hill is a racist.
12:33What the hell kind of country is this
12:35where I can only hate a man if he's white?
12:38Hank Hill, you will go to that party,
12:41you will pretend to like Con,
12:42and you will drink until you actually do.
12:45Come on.
12:53Uh, howdy, Con.
12:55Howdy, howdy, howdy.
12:57Here you go.
12:58I thought you might enjoy 7.5 gallons of pure premium propane.
13:05Are you kidding?
13:06No, I cook with mesquite.
13:08Give me nice taste of wood.
13:11And I cook with propane.
13:12Gives meat nice taste of meat.
13:15Hank Hill?
13:16Hey, whatever.
13:17Some cultures like mesquite,
13:19some prefer propane.
13:21Doesn't mean we can't all get along.
13:23Just because I happen to sell propane
13:26and propane accessories...
13:28Okay, all right.
13:30Go stick Tank on the table.
13:32Keep napkins from blowing away.
13:33Con, super-news-a-pone.
13:36Ah, okay.
13:38You honor me by giving me gas.
13:40Doggy's just like me.
13:43He's new in town, and he's only got one friend.
13:46Yeah, but at least you're not tied up.
13:50If I were, I'd just dislocate my shoulders and slip out of the knot.
13:55I'd chew through the leash.
13:57I bet it tastes just like a Bible cover.
14:01Hey, let's untie them.
14:03They belong together.
14:04And it's fun to watch them play piggyback.
14:08There you go, boy.
14:10Go play with Lady Bird.
14:12Be with your true love.
14:20Wait!
14:21Come back!
14:22You're in love!
14:24Doggy!
14:25Doggy!
14:25No, no!
14:26Come back!
14:27Doggy!
14:29Doggy!
14:30Doggy!
14:30Doggy!
14:32Oh, look!
14:33It's Piggy Hill!
14:34My new best friend!
14:36Oh.
14:37She's so pretty in her little yellow sundress.
14:41Oh, man.
14:42You are so sweet.
14:44I could just mix you up in some jello and eat you for dessert.
14:48Oh, Piggy Hill.
14:50Look at husbands.
14:51Too bad men don't get along like we do.
14:54We get along.
14:55Oh, men's stupid.
14:58Women's smart.
14:59Mm-hmm.
15:00The whole world over.
15:01Hey, Piggy Hill.
15:03Look what I make.
15:04Piggy Hill Brown Betty.
15:06Oh, but that's impossible.
15:09I never gave you the...
15:10Oh.
15:12Where'd you get my granny's recipe?
15:14I figured it out myself.
15:16And then make it better.
15:18Her recipe missing one thing.
15:20Flavor.
15:21I beg your people.
15:22I add flavor.
15:23Nutmeg flavor.
15:24Now it tastes much better.
15:25Don't you think, Piggy Hill?
15:28Please try Piggy Brown Betty.
15:30Would you like the Piggy Brown Betty?
15:32It's tasty.
15:33Delicious.
15:34Why, Piggy, to be honest,
15:35I have always had trouble keeping your Brown Betty down,
15:38but this here is pure heaven.
15:40Yeah.
15:43Those burgers look pretty done to me.
15:46Not yet.
15:48You might want to turn them now.
15:50Too soon.
15:51Oh, okay.
15:55Uh.
15:59Oh.
16:02You might want to turn them now.
16:04No.
16:05Please go away.
16:06Please, Con.
16:07You're burning them.
16:08That's too much char.
16:10Shut mouth and open mouth.
16:11Boy, howdy.
16:19That is the best damn burger I ever ate.
16:25Stop, stop pushing.
16:27There's enough for everyone.
16:29If three of you go home right now,
16:31ha, ha, ha, choke.
16:33Doggy.
16:36Doggy.
16:36Con, Jr.?
16:39Yeah.
16:40Why are you named Con, Jr.?
16:43My father wanted a boy.
16:45Yeah, so did mine.
16:47My dad is so lame.
16:49He makes me practice violin five hours a day.
16:52My dad won't let me watch TV more than five hours a day.
16:56Well, my dad's making me memorize 2,000 words for the SAT.
17:00He's such an autocrat.
17:04What's a S-A-T?
17:07I tell you, Peggy, there's nothing these people can't make better.
17:13First the automobile, then the color TV, and now the hamburger.
17:18How do they do it?
17:20With a dash of nutmeg, Hank.
17:22A dash of nutmeg.
17:24Oh, Peggy here.
17:25Your husband liked burgers so much, I give you a recipe.
17:29Now you can please him.
17:33I don't care what country he's from.
17:35Any man who can make a burger like that is okay by me.
17:39Oh, you said it.
17:42Boy, it was so good, it's almost a shame to lose it to the process of digestion.
17:49Yeah, man, I tell you what, that dang old onion soup powder, man,
17:52you just put that little bit old ad, you don't need old grilled onions, man.
17:56How about you, Dale? How many you got under your belt?
17:59Zero.
18:00Huh? How come?
18:03Don't eat dog.
18:05Don't eat dog.
18:06Okay, here are the facts as I see them.
18:18Con served your dog.
18:19Con did not serve us dog.
18:22That's just an awful stereotype.
18:25Chinese people don't really do that.
18:28Well, I don't know.
18:29Anyone crazy enough to put nutmeg in brown Betty,
18:33well, they'd be crazy enough to do anything.
18:35Hey, even if they did feed us dog, you know, who are we, huh?
18:40Who are we to judge other cultures?
18:43You know, maybe they're on to something.
18:46They did invent paper, you know.
18:49Quit talking like that.
18:51Dog is man's best friend.
18:53You wouldn't eat your best friend, would you?
18:55Course not.
18:56Wait, are we talking about some kind of lifeboat situation here?
19:00Because I don't want to paint myself into a corner.
19:02Look, I can settle this right now.
19:04That woman gave us a recipe.
19:07See?
19:08Right here.
19:08It says chopped meat, not chopped dog.
19:12Dog is meat.
19:14Mmm.
19:15You said it, friend.
19:18Oh.
19:19I was trying to get that awful taste off my fingers.
19:23Doggy?
19:42Doggy?
19:42Hello?
19:44Dog pound?
19:45Yes.
19:45Hello?
19:46I'm looking for dog.
19:49Sweet, sweet dog.
19:51Have big barbecue today and dog run out.
19:55Oh, about 20, 25 pound.
19:58Good Lord, it's true.
20:00Oh, I call you back.
20:02Hey, Kill.
20:04What a nice surprise.
20:06Hey, Khan, come quick.
20:07Your best friend is here.
20:09Oh, no.
20:10Uh, uh, that's okay.
20:12What are you doing here?
20:13Uh, I can't hear you over my weed factor.
20:20Hey, where are you going, Kill?
20:22Stop.
20:23I can't hear you.
20:25My contendium, Mom.
20:26Yeah.
20:27What are you doing?
20:28Ah, you ruined my yard.
20:31You crazy redneck.
20:32That's in there.
20:36We're never going to find Doggy.
20:39I know.
20:41Want to ride bikes?
20:42Hey, Lady Bird's a bloodhound.
20:47Maybe she can find Doggy.
20:49Yeah.
20:51Come on, Lady Bird.
20:53Lead us to Doggy.
20:54My God, Dale, you were right.
21:15Their dog is gone.
21:17All gone.
21:18I caught men on the phone with some kind of doggy butcher.
21:22She was placing an order.
21:25This is very dangerous.
21:26They know that you know.
21:28And now they got to come after you.
21:30They do?
21:31Yep.
21:32They'll probably get you with a blow dart.
21:34That's their way.
21:35But you'll just think it's a mosquito bite.
21:38Until you die, then you'll know the truth.
21:41Why?
21:41Why would they shoot people?
21:43Human meat's tough, flavorless.
21:45They should be out hunting for more dog.
21:52Good God, he's got Lady Bird.
22:00It's still wet.
22:02Maybe there's time.
22:03Come on, guys.
22:05We got to save Lady Bird.
22:11I've been hit.
22:13Quick.
22:14Somebody suck out the poison.
22:16Oh, no.
22:38Lady Bird.
22:42Whoa.
22:43That psycho redneck is back.
22:45Oh, he's so mad.
22:48Did you do something wrong?
22:49You're the one who insulted his propane.
22:52You're the one who made fun of Peggy Hill's monster feet.
22:56Open up, Con.
22:57Open up, now.
22:59Get my bat.
23:00I know you're in there.
23:02Go away.
23:03I do nothing wrong.
23:05Look, Con.
23:06I understand that life is valued differently in your part of the world, largely as a result
23:12of overcrowding and famine.
23:15But you're in my country now.
23:17You're a crazy man.
23:19I call the police.
23:20If anyone's going to be calling the police, it's going to be me.
23:24Please.
23:25What do you want from me?
23:27I want my Lady Bird.
23:29You understand me?
23:31Give me my dog back, or else.
23:33Oh, tough guy.
23:37I'm so scared.
23:38You want a piece of this?
23:40Dad, no.
23:41It's all our fault.
23:42We lost the dogs.
23:44They wanted to play with each other, so we untied them, and they ran away, and now we can't
23:49find them.
23:49You what?
23:50You mean you, the dogs, they're still alive?
23:56What do you think happened?
23:58Well, I, uh, nothing.
24:01We're sorry, Dad.
24:02We looked everywhere.
24:04We really did.
24:06Bobby, you really screwed up this time.
24:09Con, Junior, you fall in with a bad crowd.
24:12You made me fight with my neighbor.
24:14You made the neighbor man crazy.
24:16Go to your room.
24:18Well, you say, go to your room?
24:23Huh.
24:24I say, go to your room.
24:26You spank?
24:27No, sir.
24:29Don't believe in it.
24:30No, me neither.
24:31I think it barbaric.
24:33How about bed without dessert?
24:36Never fail.
24:37Huh.
24:38Wouldn't figure a child could be motivated by a fortune cookie in an orange slice.
24:44Oh, the cookie may be small.
24:48But it contains great wisdom.
24:50And the orange is sweet and juicy.
24:53You know, Con, we may deny our kids completely different desserts, but they both go to bed hungry.
25:01And that's what really matters.
25:04Well, guess we're not so different after all.
25:09Boy, howdy.
25:11Howdy.
25:15Lady Bird.
25:17Dougie.
25:18Oh, doggy tongue.
25:21Welcome to the neighborhood, Con, Sue, uh, Newsome, Pone.
25:30Just call me Con.
25:32I don't got all damn day.
25:37I'm running out of time.
25:40Give me the antidote, man.
25:43This is my granny's five-alarm jambalaya.
26:01Now, you want less hot, more spicy.
26:07Add nutmeg.
26:09Less hot, more spicy.
26:10Add nutmeg, of course.
26:12Okay.
26:13Aunt Laverne's chicken fried chicken.
26:15Too much Mrs. Dash.
26:19Add the nutmeg.
26:22And this here is my very own rabbit stew.
26:27Ugh!
26:28Rabbit!
26:29You rednecks will eat anything.
26:31Bald slapping him.
26:49Bye.
26:50Bye.
26:51Bye.
26:53Bye.
26:54Bye.
26:56Bye.
26:57Bye.
26:58Bye.
26:59Bye.
27:00Bye.