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  • 5/19/2025
King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 15 Sleight Of Hank

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TV
Transcript
00:00That one looks like a pig.
00:02No, wait.
00:04Maybe it's a ham.
00:06Bobby, in your imagination, there are no wrong answers.
00:10Look, Mom, a bee.
00:12Well, yeah, I guess that could be maybe a puffy little wing and...
00:17Oh!
00:19We even fooled a bee.
00:22Well, that's because bees are stupid.
00:24Fool an owl.
00:25Then we'll talk.
00:30We'll talk.
01:00We'll talk.
01:06Guess who sold three barbecues today?
01:09Dad, in here.
01:11I'm painting my room.
01:13Well, all right, son.
01:15You can finally wear those overalls without being embarrassed.
01:20I'll get the pun saver.
01:23Uh, hold on a minute.
01:25This is our son's first paint job.
01:27Do we really want to remember it looking all blotchy?
01:31Those aren't blotches.
01:32They're clouds.
01:35Huh?
01:36Oh.
01:38Oh.
01:39Oh.
01:39You painted clouds?
01:42White puffy clouds.
01:44This is a boy's room, not a daycare center.
01:49A boy's room should be blue.
01:51I'm painting it back.
01:52Hank, please do not stifle him.
01:55If my son wants to stare at clouds, then he...
01:57He can look out the dang window.
01:59He can see all the clouds he wants.
02:02Not at night.
02:04Mm-hmm.
02:04At night, all you can see out that window is Bill dancing with his mop.
02:09Yep.
02:16Yep.
02:18Yep.
02:20Yep.
02:21You don't even know what we were talking about.
02:24All right.
02:26What is it?
02:27Nancy's birthday's on Saturday, and I'm throwing her a surprise party.
02:33Abracapasta.
02:35Magic, dining, and more.
02:37Ugh.
02:38Yeah, I've been spraying their kitchen for roaches and silverfish,
02:43and, well, until business picks up, they're paying me in free magic shows.
02:50You have to come.
02:51You already set you up.
02:53Oh, all right.
02:55I'll go to the show.
02:56But I'm not clapping.
02:58I don't like magicians.
03:00Don't trust them.
03:01Ever since David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear.
03:05Shame on him.
03:07Remember, people, this is a covert operation.
03:11I have recruited one John Redcorn to keep Nancy busy all day.
03:15She will not suspect a thing.
03:23Oh, Shug, this place is perfect.
03:27No one will ever spot us in this dump.
03:31Maybe you should take your hands out of my jeans now.
03:34Shug, what's the matter?
03:36You're so...
03:37Oh, my God.
03:39It's Dale.
03:41Happy birthday, baby.
03:47Happy birthday, baby.
03:50Nice work, John Redcorn.
03:52She didn't suspect a thing.
03:54You are so clueless.
03:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
04:00Are you surprised?
04:01Honey, you never get older.
04:03Well, it's been a wonderful party.
04:07Hank, sit down and enjoy the magic show.
04:10The last thing I need is some silky man in his silky scarves trying to trick me into having fun.
04:19Ladies and gentlemen, Abra Capasta is proud to present all the way from Guadalajara, Mexico, the astounding Herrera!
04:36Oh, Lord.
04:49Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
04:57I am Astounding Herrera.
05:01Get ready to be astounded.
05:14Did you see that?
05:15He pulled the watch right out of his pocket.
05:18Oh, Hank, will you be quiet?
05:20That's not part of the trick.
05:22Where did that watch come from?
05:27Jace, there are no wires.
05:30The only thing holding it up is magic.
05:35Sure, who needs wires when you got a forklift behind the curtain?
05:39Hank, would you please...
05:42Now, the sewing of woman in house.
05:48You see that now?
06:04He just lied to us.
06:06He didn't really cut her.
06:07No one wants to hear it, Hank.
06:10For my next illusion, I will need a volunteer from the audience.
06:17A beautiful woman.
06:19Well, he's not going to pick you.
06:22He's got a plant in the audience.
06:24Hank, you are not sitting in a room full of idiots.
06:28We know he didn't really saw that woman.
06:30We know birds don't grow out of his fingers.
06:33We know his accent is phony, but we don't care.
06:38The fun is pretending that it's real.
06:41Ah, yes.
06:43You.
06:45Huh?
06:46Oh.
06:47Oh.
06:48Excuse me.
06:54And what is your name, my lovely?
06:56Oh.
06:57Oh.
06:58Maylamo.
07:00Peggy Hill.
07:01Ah.
07:02You speak Spanish.
07:05In a way.
07:06Then you must know that most piñatas is filled with the candies.
07:10And este burro is no exception.
07:12But the sweetness I am filling it with is the sweetness that is Peggy Hill.
07:23Sit dinner by your heart.
07:26Come on, Peggy.
07:27Come on.
07:38Oh.
07:38I will take three swings at the burro.
07:44If Miss Peggy Hill is lucky, I will miss.
07:48Will she get lucky tonight?
07:51Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
07:53One.
07:55Two.
07:58Ay, Dios mio.
08:00Will astounding Herrera strike out with Miss Peggy Hill?
08:04We shall see.
08:06Sick.
08:07All right, that's enough.
08:09Get out of the donkey, Peggy.
08:11We're going home.
08:12But I still have one more chance to hit on your wife.
08:18All right, mister.
08:19I've had enough of your tomfoolery.
08:22Let her out of there.
08:23As you wish.
08:25Where's Peggy?
08:36You bring my wife back right now or I'm getting the manager.
08:41I'm right here, Hank.
08:42How did you do that?
08:51I cannot break the magician's code.
08:55And neither can my lovely assistant.
09:00Okay, that's it.
09:02Nancy's birthday party is over.
09:05He will not get very far.
09:07Without his keys, ladies and gentlemen.
09:13You thief, I'll kick your ass.
09:16What the...
09:21Hey!
09:22Hey!
09:34A trap door.
09:40No.
09:41Mirrors in the...
09:44No!
09:46Rotating stage?
09:47Will you stop it?
09:48I promised Herrera I would not tell.
09:52And there is nothing more important to a magician than keeping secrets.
09:56Probably because so many of them are gay.
09:59Well, you made a promise to me, too.
10:02Love, honor, and obey.
10:04And I want you to obey me when I tell you to tell me how that trick was done.
10:11You just can't stand that I know something that you don't.
10:16Well, get used to it, Hank.
10:17Because I will never tell you how that trick was done.
10:21Never.
10:22Ever.
10:26So, uh...
10:27This Herrera...
10:30Is he, uh...
10:31Yes, of course he is.
10:33Now leave me alone.
10:35Then, the piñata exploded in a shower of candy.
10:40Wow!
10:41What kind of candy?
10:43Jolly Ranchers.
10:44Oh, my God!
10:45Then, poof!
10:47I was gone.
10:48Where were you?
10:49Back in my seat, taking a long, cool sip of my Corona.
10:55No one knew how I got there.
10:57Perhaps not even me.
11:00Would you stop filling his head with nonsense?
11:05Bobby, there's a perfectly logical explanation for your mother's brief disappearance.
11:12I'm listening.
11:14Well, uh...
11:16You see...
11:17Uh...
11:19All right.
11:21I will tell you.
11:22It was magic.
11:24I knew it!
11:26Aren't you late for school?
11:27It's Sunday.
11:29What about Sunday school?
11:31Nope!
11:34And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
11:38Growl the bear.
11:40Uh-oh.
11:41Before we go, children.
11:43Children.
11:44I want to know who everyone's doing their Bible report on next week.
11:47Bubby Hill?
11:49I'm gonna do my report on Jesus.
11:52Oh, I love Jesus.
11:54Jesus is good, Bobby.
11:56Very good.
12:00She disappeared from the pinata and reappeared in her chair.
12:05The question is, how?
12:08Any theories?
12:09You're asking me if I have theories?
12:12About the magic trick, Dale.
12:15Oh, not a clue.
12:16Ah!
12:18It's done with twins.
12:21One Peggy in the pinata, one Peggy in the audience.
12:25Another woman who looks like Peggy?
12:28Smells like Peggy?
12:29Feels like...
12:30My wife does not have a twin.
12:33You don't know that for sure, and you never will.
12:37They destroyed the proof when they blew up one of the Peggy's.
12:41Ugh.
12:42Boomhower?
12:43Man, I ain't seen nothing, man.
12:44I'm talking about that cocktail wait.
12:46You can get me into the phone number, man.
12:47I went back to the old house, and I'm thinking about ropes and pulleys all over the place, man.
12:51Yeah, that could work.
12:53Peggy is hoisted by a rope, climbs out a heating duct, runs through the parking lot.
12:59Not even close.
13:01Mom already told you how the trick was done.
13:04Magic.
13:05I knew it!
13:06Bobby, don't you have some homework to do?
13:10No.
13:11What about Sunday school homework?
13:15Oy.
13:18This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory, and his disciples believed on him.
13:29What do you think?
13:31Well, it seems a little, um, boring.
13:37Yeah, boring.
13:39But I copied it right out of the Bible.
13:43Oh, well, I didn't mean boring, not boring.
13:46I mean, it's...
13:46No, you're right.
13:49It stinks.
13:51Because you're not being creative with it.
13:54Okay.
13:55When I substitute teach a history class, I don't just read the Declaration of Independence.
14:03I maybe read it in a funny voice.
14:06You know, um...
14:07Hey, hey, hey!
14:08We the people!
14:10You see what I'm saying?
14:13Let's go, Luanne.
14:15We're late.
14:15Where are you going?
14:17Out?
14:18Out?
14:19Yes.
14:20Out.
14:21To see the astounding Herrera at Africa Pasta!
14:25Luanne!
14:26Can I come, too?
14:27Bobby, honey, no.
14:28Your father is just going to tell you how all the tricks are done, and possibly ruin magic for you, forever.
14:36Now, wouldn't you rather stay in your room and do some homework, huh?
14:44Ready?
14:45I'll get my coat.
14:50She's got her legs pulled up to her chest.
14:53So those are fake feet sticking out of the box.
14:59If it's that obvious to you, imagine how I feel.
15:03For my final illusion, I will need a volunteer from the audience.
15:07A beautiful woman.
15:09Okay, Luanne, like we practiced.
15:12Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
15:14Yes, please.
15:15In the back.
15:18Yes, please.
15:21In the back.
15:23Oh.
15:24Yes, please.
15:25I won't really disappear.
15:30I won't really disappear.
15:32I won't really disappear.
15:34And now, I step inside the piñata.
15:38No, she's supposed to go in there.
15:41That's not how you do the trick.
15:44Psst.
15:45Have you figured it out yet?
16:05Um, I think that's my seat.
16:10Peggy, Peggy, come here quick.
16:25I figured it out.
16:28All right.
16:29How's it done?
16:30Get in the box.
16:31You'll see.
16:32But why can't you just tell me?
16:34Please, for my next trick, I need a beautiful woman's.
16:41Well, all right.
16:54I have sealed the box.
16:56Okay, now what?
16:58Now you tell me how that trick was done.
17:01What?
17:02You're not getting out till you tell me.
17:04Hank Hill.
17:05I can wait.
17:09Mom, Dad, we're gonna be late for church.
17:13I'll be right there, honey.
17:15Okay.
17:20All right.
17:27But I only saw one set of footprints, because God was holding me.
17:34All right.
17:37Peggy, I'm sorry.
17:39I didn't...
17:39Thou shalt not speak to me.
17:43Our next report is from Bubby Hill, the amazing Jesus.
17:48Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
17:51I am the amazing Jesus, son of God and master of prestidigitation.
18:07Has this ever happened to you?
18:10Your followers want a glass of wine, but all you have is water?
18:16Well, if you're the amazing Jesus, water into wine, it's a miracle.
18:24John 2, 11.
18:29Now we're gonna need something to go with all this wine.
18:34Maybe some bread.
18:36But how are you gonna feed all these hungry people with just one slice?
18:42No problem if you're the amazing Jesus.
18:47Amen.
18:48It's a miracle, ladies and gentlemen.
18:51Mark 6, 44.
18:53And now, for my next miracle, I'm gonna need a large wooden cross and a couple of volunteers.
19:05No!
19:13What you did was wrong.
19:16You're supposed to love Jesus, not make a mockery of him.
19:20Next bumper sticker I see, you will get up here and you will honk like the dickens.
19:25I was just trying to make Jesus interesting, like Mom told me.
19:31Our Lord and Savior does not need any help keeping people's interest.
19:36I...
19:37I thought Bobby would make a lamb out of cotton balls.
19:41Now they're gonna stick us in that dang newsletter.
19:44I don't want to be in the thoughts and prayers of anyone just because I'm Bobby's dad.
19:50Well, you're the one who dragged him down to Abercapasta and told him how all the tricks were done.
19:56You just have to take all the mystery out of life, don't you, Hank?
20:00Don't blame me.
20:01You're the one who got him all worked up about magic.
20:04You filled his head with puffy clouds and jolly ranchers.
20:09What did you think was gonna happen?
20:11My folks yelled at me the whole way home.
20:16Then they stopped yelling at me and started yelling at each other.
20:20They're still yelling at each other.
20:24It's all my fault.
20:27Sometimes my parents fight, but they have a rule.
20:31Never go to sleep angry.
20:34They always make up before going to their bedrooms.
20:38How do they make up?
20:39They do something nice for each other, like...
20:43My mom buys my dad a carton of cigarettes and my dad buys my mom a duffel bag with his frequent smoker points.
20:51Yeah.
20:53I'll get my parents to do something nice for each other.
20:57That's even better than my plan of turning them both against Luanne.
21:02Mom, Mom, Mom, come in here quick.
21:14I've got soup in the microwave.
21:16What?
21:18Dad must have done it.
21:20Isn't that nice of him?
21:23Maybe it's just his way of saying he's sorry.
21:26Oh, Hank.
21:34Oh, you sweet, sweet, stubborn, sweet, sweet man.
21:40Apology accepted.
21:42What apology?
21:43I didn't do anything wrong.
21:45Oh, since Dad did something nice for you, maybe you should tell him how the trick was done.
21:51Oh, now I get it.
21:56You thought you'd just slap a few clouds on Bobby's wall and I would give up Herrera's secret?
22:03Clouds?
22:07Oh, Lord, they're back.
22:10Right, nice try, but it won't work.
22:12I didn't paint these clouds.
22:14Don't lie to me, Hank.
22:15I'm not, and don't you tell me what to do, either.
22:18I wouldn't drink a bit, you pig-headed liar.
22:24Joseph, I screwed everything up.
22:27Hey, look what I can do.
22:35My plan completely backfired.
22:39Now they're fighting worse than ever.
22:41Oh, man, you think they're going to get divorced?
22:46What?
22:47I don't know.
22:49They could.
22:50But don't worry.
22:51Lots of people get divorced.
22:54Mr. Dotreef got divorced.
23:02Oh.
23:03The boy's 12 years old.
23:09What does he need clouds on the wall for?
23:12And they don't even look like clouds.
23:15They look like...
23:16What, Hank?
23:16What do they look like?
23:18Well, like...
23:19Like big white blotches of bad painting.
23:23Well, maybe to someone with absolutely no imagination,
23:26I see all sorts of things.
23:29Well, if you ask me, you've got too much imagination.
23:32Everything's all loop-de-loops and flibberty-jibbit.
23:37I live in the real world where men sell propane and propane accessories.
23:43What do you do?
23:44I trade in ideas.
23:47I am a substitute teacher and a professional muser.
23:51Oh.
23:52Yeah, well, ideas don't put food on the table.
23:55Oh, really?
23:56Well, ideas decide how to prepare that food.
23:59And then propane cooks it.
24:01I win.
24:02You don't win.
24:04You don't...
24:04You can't just...
24:06You can't...
24:06I can't just what?
24:08You don't just...
24:09What?
24:09What?
24:09Where's your imagination now?
24:12Where are those precious ideas when you need them, huh?
24:15Hank, you...
24:16You are...
24:17Ow!
24:18Ow!
24:20Ow!
24:20Ow!
24:20What's going on?
24:37You stopped fighting.
24:39That's right.
24:40Everything's just fine now, honey.
24:42But how?
24:43Ow!
24:44Well, uh...
24:45Your mother kicked me in the shin.
24:49I kicked her back and...
24:51Well...
24:51Well, that's pretty much it.
24:54That doesn't make any sense.
24:57Well, sure it does.
24:59See, I was mad.
25:01Your mother was madder.
25:03And we sort of, um...
25:04Oh, heck, I guess it doesn't make any sense, but...
25:10I guess it doesn't have to.
25:12There are just some things you can't explain.
25:16That's right.
25:18You're not even trying!
25:20Loosen up, Bobby.
25:22I tell you what, why don't you sit with us here and...
25:25We'll watch the clouds go by.
25:29Okay.
25:29Hey, now, see, that one over there looks like a, uh...
25:38Uh, a propane tank.
25:41Or a gummy bear.
25:44Very good.
25:45Both of you.
25:47Hey, that one looks like a propane tank, too.
25:50And you know what those little ones over there look like?
25:54Propane accessories?
25:56Yes, yes, but which ones?
25:58Uh, spatula?
26:01Well, now you're just guessing.
26:03Peggy?
26:05It's a grill brush.
26:11And now, the piñata of death revealed.
26:16As soon as our volunteer gets in the burrow,
26:19a flap beneath the tail opens.
26:22She steps out and puts on a poncho and sombrero.
26:26And dances offstage.
26:30The fire?
26:31Hm-hm.
26:32Just a diversion.
26:34It appears our volunteer has vanished.
26:37Has she?
26:38Hardly.
26:40And that is the secret behind the piñata of death.
26:45Please don't tell my dad.
26:47You are so clueless.

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