King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 12 Three Coaches And A Bobby
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00:00Do the coogers have a chance this year?
00:03No.
00:03Nope.
00:04Nuh-uh.
00:30We'll catch you guys.
00:50Shhh.
00:59Paint.
00:59Boys, the Welton Wolves have already put their mark on this bridge.
01:06Now, what does a cougar do when a wolf comes into his neck of the woods?
01:11Beats him in football?
01:13Yeah, that's where I was going to end up, Bobby.
01:17Now, you cougars can't be winners until you act like winners.
01:21And winners paint bridges.
01:25Here you go, winner.
01:29Yeah.
01:35Oh.
01:37Boys, the important thing to remember is you're from Ireland, and Ireland once had a great team.
01:45We were behind by two, but luckily we had the finest strategist ever to come out of Heimlich County, Coach Whitey Sowers.
01:55Now, how are we going to win state if we don't get the state?
01:58Now, go out there and get me the state.
02:02You get us the state, and I guarantee I'll kiss each and every one of you little pansies right in the mouth.
02:08Let's go.
02:09Right.
02:13Down, down, set.
02:15That's good.
02:16Well, them men look like a dang old blitz.
02:18Man, I'll change plans.
02:19Man, fake hand off to Hank.
02:20Come around, blitz fake.
02:21Reverse please.
02:22Run down on the head.
02:23Hank!
02:24Whoa!
02:31Yahoo!
02:32Yeah!
02:32Yeah!
02:33We did it!
02:47We did it!
02:49We're going to state!
02:51damn that man could coach how romantic what that mom was there and she saw you
03:14make that play and then right after the game she canceled her date with that guy
03:20who ended up building all those airports just paint the dang bridge
03:25we need to blitz more I haven't done my sack dance all day settle down Bobby that's the kind of
03:47attitude that drove Mark Gastineau into boxing do not just stand there scratching coach Maxwell
03:55you are not gonna find a good play up there Maxwell you suck
04:00now Wendy honey that is over the line you need specific criticism not just generalities
04:09Maxwell your plays suck much better
04:14wingo interception Joseph
04:20that's our boy a real all-american Arlen's native son
04:30heads up oh sorry the ball got away there coach Coleman Lucas the wind
04:43uh excuse me could you face the other way or something when you do that we got a real sport
04:53going on here it's called football actually in the rest of the world soccer is called football
05:00you should try it soccer or football is excellent physical conditioning what's the point anyone can
05:08kick the ball under the goal no not if the goalie has anything to say about it he tries to stop them
05:15but don't worry it's all in good fun
05:18two minutes oh my god we could win this thing well all right uh two minutes who hasn't played yet uh Bobby
05:32Hill get in there coach you can't put me in now we can win this Hank he's putting your boy in
05:40I'm on it it's just bad strategy uh hey coach uh Bobby's been cheering awfully hard today and
05:49I'm afraid he might have worn himself out already Hank you know I like to play every player at least
05:55two minutes a game can't you just let him play four minutes next game Bobby mittens honey
06:02do not put Bobby in if outcome of the game can be affected in any way there coach Maxwell I
06:27and some of the parents you suck now hold on what we have here are some suggestions no Dale's right
06:36he does suck you're not being paid to screw up I'm I'm not being paid at all in fact I still haven't
06:45been reimbursed for last week's pizzas oh and if you guys aren't too busy could you please just go to
06:53hell Dale Dale what did you do with last week's pizza money I bought a hat
07:02you know who would have won that game coach Sowers yeah yep yeah you know who would have not played
07:15Bobby Bobby coach Sowers yeah yeah coach Sowers man and and you know who we should get the coach
07:23Bobby's team coach Sowers that's a gribble of an idea Bill all right
07:30if those are tighten the toes I'll get you a half size bigger coach Sowers
07:41Bill finally got a haircut you noticed but boom how are you folks man I do fine man I'm down down
07:53Florida man I'm gonna ladder winter man no problems man sorry to hear that gribble no one's killed you
08:03yet don't tree my god man what happened it's a long story do you remember coach uh we came by to see you
08:16because well because you're the best coach Arlen has ever seen how'd you like to coach again for my son's
08:24football team coach again I quit uh whoa it's uh it's not really a paying job
08:42I don't know what I'm doing in this bed I'm not gonna sleep tonight well Hank Hill you
08:54devil I'm just so excited that Bobby's gonna have the coach Sowers experience I only hope working at
09:03the mall hadn't knocked the fight out of him I don't know honey that man could be a tough task
09:09master let's not forget that you used to call him sour coach Sowers remember yeah yeah boy we came up
09:19with that one at a fellowship of Christian athletes picnic sour coach Sowers we were good kids though
09:32he's a real high school football coach he's tough as nails but you're gonna love him
09:39fellas my name is coach Sowers and I took Arlen high to state in 1974
09:50up to now you may have been losing but now you're gonna be winning
09:55because I'm gonna ride you little dainty joe so hard you wish you were all dead
10:00I'm gonna chew you up spit you out take a big dump on top of that and then I'm gonna get tough
10:09let's
10:13pretty impressive huh
10:18okay you kids have fun
10:22eat much I said eat it eat it coach I think I swallowed too much mud take a salt tablet
10:30I'm walking in biscuit dough.
10:37Memorize it.
10:44That looks like fun.
10:52Coach, I'm bleeding.
10:53Salt tablet.
10:57You call that a pass?
11:00Give me that ball or I'll slice your guts out, hippie.
11:03Run!
11:09One jumping jack, two jumping jacks, full extension, very nice.
11:16Any more of you ladies want to join him?
11:20Anyone else?
11:23Any more?
11:26All right, that's enough.
11:30Hey, Butterball, drag the body back.
11:36What's that on your upper arm there, Bobby?
11:39Is that a muscle?
11:41No, that's a lump from when I got hit by a football.
11:45You know, Dad, the kids playing soccer don't have any lumps or bruises.
11:50And Coach Lucas gives them oranges at halftime.
11:55Bobby, I didn't think I'd ever need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't.
12:03Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.
12:10Why do you have to hate what you don't understand?
12:16I don't hate you, Bobby.
12:18I meant soccer.
12:20Oh.
12:21Oh, yeah.
12:21I hate soccer.
12:23Yes.
12:26Well, there you are, Hill.
12:28Now, where's Butterball?
12:30Uh, Butterball?
12:35Hey, Dad.
12:36Uh, hey there, Bobby.
12:40Are you planning on loosening up our football team with some comedy soccer skits or something?
12:48Bobby Hill, time for step kick drills.
12:55Sorry, Dad.
12:59Breaks your heart, doesn't it?
13:00Take a salt, Chaplet.
13:08Just when Coach Sowers was fixing to get those kids a victory, Bobby leaves sports and joins a soccer team.
13:17Did Joseph leave, too?
13:19No.
13:20The team will survive, Hank.
13:22Yeah, it's a terrible blow to morale, of course, but, uh...
13:26Hank!
13:27Honey, I'm taking Bobby to soccer practice.
13:30You going to soccer practice dressed like that?
13:34Oh, no, Peggy Hill.
13:36Get real.
13:37You'll borrow my nice sweater.
13:39Well, thank you, men, but it is not that cold out.
13:42Believe me, it's freezing cold if you not take sweater.
13:45Well, in that case, I have a perfectly good flannel overshirt.
13:51Okay, you know better.
13:52Way to kick that ball downfield!
14:02Oh, thanks for the latte, Allie.
14:09Uh, Peggy.
14:10What a pretty overshirt.
14:16Oh, thank you.
14:18And what a pretty sweater.
14:21You're all wearing.
14:22Well, well, well, what do we got here?
14:29Ah, soccer, Mommy.
14:32Uh, look, Coach, I just want to apologize for Bobby quitting on you like that.
14:38I know you spent a lot of money Xeroxing these playbooks.
14:42It's the collating.
14:43That's where they screw you.
14:44If you really feel bad for the way Butterball screwed me, you can be my assistant football coach.
14:50Oh, I don't know.
14:51Well, with Bobby not on the team, it might make him feel...
14:55Okay, Louisa May, go play your ballerina ball.
14:59Just leave your peanuts in the bucket.
15:01Ah, well, uh, I guess I could find a little time to...
15:06Memorize it!
15:07I tell you, Peggy, the football team might go all the way this year.
15:15I sure am sorry you're not going to be a part of that, Bobby.
15:19Although you could be.
15:21I can't.
15:22The soccer team needs me.
15:24I'm one of the nine co-captains.
15:27Bobby, I think your father would like to do something you both like to do together, huh?
15:33Movie?
15:34Maybe you two could see a movie together.
15:36Sure.
15:37A movie.
15:38Why don't you set it up to your mom?
15:42I'm a little tight.
15:43I gotta go stretch my hands.
15:47Cashmere sweater with pearl button.
15:50Now they like you.
15:51Oh, it's just a sweater.
15:54If the other mothers do not like me for the wit and wisdom that is Peggy Hill,
15:59then I want nothing to do with them.
16:02Aye, aye, you not get it.
16:03You suck a mom now.
16:05If you not fit in, then Bobby not fit in.
16:08And that boy have enough problem.
16:10How do you know so much about this?
16:13Connie play AYSO in Orange County.
16:15That's the birthplace of soccer moms.
16:17I start the whole sweater thing.
16:20That's mine.
16:23Tie game.
16:25Everyone's a winner.
16:28Yeah!
16:28You know, I was thinking of bringing Bobby to watch the Wolves' rematch.
16:35You know, just as my guess.
16:36Oh, Butterball?
16:38Butterball is dead to me.
16:41Go!
16:42Scoop of vanilla for everyone.
16:47All right.
16:48Dad, we won a game without having to beat anyone, and then we practiced high kicks.
16:56Watch.
16:57You!
16:59Bobby's our best high kicker.
17:02Careful, don't let the Rockettes find out about him.
17:04The Rockettes?
17:08Me?
17:09Codes of conduct.
17:11Cheer all good plays.
17:14Respect every player as if he, she were on your team.
17:18What is this he, she?
17:19Some kind of a science fiction deal?
17:21You don't get it, do you?
17:23We're their coaches.
17:25But we're the ones who are learning.
17:27And these kids are pretty good teachers.
17:30All we have to do is listen.
17:35Now let's get going, gang.
17:36We don't want to be late for our cleanup project.
17:39Uh, wait a minute, Bobby.
17:41Uh, I'm sorry, Lucas.
17:43I thought I'd take my boy to see that new space movie.
17:47I hear it's got special effects.
17:51Sorry, Dad.
17:52Gotta go.
17:53The one who collects the most litter gets to play goalie next game.
18:00The space movie with Julia Louis-Drivis?
18:13You know what this team needs?
18:19Tradition.
18:20Rivalry.
18:21We could go and paint the bridge.
18:24Great idea, Robert.
18:25We'll cover up all that divisive graffiti.
18:28But my dad's rematch against the wolves isn't until tomorrow.
18:33The wolves haven't even seen it yet.
18:35And if we all work together as a team, they never will.
18:39This is one time when the wind used their hands.
18:43Coach Sowers, I think there's something wrong with my helmet.
18:51Then get over there and do the helmet test.
18:54Huh?
18:55Put on the helmet and run into that brick wall.
18:58Yeah, right.
18:59And end up with headaches like my mom.
19:03You're going the wrong way.
19:05Hey, put your helmet back on.
19:07All right, you big baby.
19:10I'll do it.
19:12What the?
19:21You little panty wads think you're ready to play the wolves again?
19:25The wolves eat razor blades for breakfast.
19:28Run, you bunch of pudgy-butted softies.
19:32Run with your fancy sneakers with the pumps and valves and little lights on the back that can set off a seizure.
19:37But what do you care?
19:39I ran around the world in a pair of Chuck Taylors for the love of Pete.
19:47What in God's name is going on here?
19:53Damn it.
19:54I never did like you, Hill.
19:56You were a know-it-all and a do-gooder.
19:58And your teeny, tiny, weak, little, girly ankle bones snapped in the finals.
20:03And you lost me, State.
20:05I lost you, State.
20:07I'm the one who got you to State.
20:09I wish I never dragged you out of that shoe store.
20:12Are we done yet?
20:14Why, you precious little candy-ass.
20:26I think you heard him.
20:31Hit him again to make sure.
20:33What do we do, Assistant Coach Hill?
20:37We're playing the Wolves on Saturday and we don't have Joseph.
20:41Or your kid.
20:43Haven't you kids ever seen Rudy?
20:45A little fire plug of a never-say-quit at Notre Dame?
20:49He died of cancer after the big game, I think.
20:53All right, hands in the middle.
20:57God bless America on three.
21:00One, two, three.
21:03God bless America!
21:08Yeah, well, I wish you had a woman, too, Bill.
21:14Now, hold on.
21:16Hill residence.
21:18Hank, Coleman Lucas.
21:20Just need your fax number so I can fax over Bobby's soccer diet.
21:23We don't have a fax or a fax number.
21:27Oh.
21:28Well, just give me your e-mail address and I'll attach it.
21:32Yeah, it's footballisgreatsoccerasdumb.com.
21:37Goodbye.
21:37Hey, hey, hey.
21:57Peggy, that's a lovely sweater.
22:00Well, you see, you don't have to look dumpy at a soccer match.
22:04Which one's your son?
22:05Well, my husband, Henry, is bringing him in the truck.
22:11Oh, you mean a sports utility vehicle, not a pickup truck.
22:17Well, yes.
22:19It's red.
22:26Beat those wolves, Dad.
22:29Sure, sure.
22:30And you have a good soccer game.
22:33Beat those, uh, fluffy puffs or whatever.
22:36Dad, they're called the puffin' stuffs.
22:43Good.
22:43Get a good stretch.
22:44I know it's bigger than the other SUVs, but it makes me feel safe.
22:49I mean, if I have an accident in that thing, I'm going to live.
22:54I'm here for my son.
22:56I am here for my son.
22:57Well, for me, it's all about convenience.
23:00Mine's got everything from headlight wipers to heated seats.
23:03Oh, well, that is a must, isn't it?
23:06You know, my butt is always either warmed by my car seat or covered by my sweater.
23:12I have to keep it at optimum temperature or I could die from mild discomfort.
23:16And you know what else would just make me die?
23:22If by mistake, I paid so much attention to my child's game that I maybe raised my voice, huh?
23:29Oh, I would just die.
23:31I would.
23:32Or if I got stuck with a bunch of losers who couldn't recognize a dead-on-perfect Fat Albert impression,
23:38well, I would just die a thousand deaths.
23:42You know what?
23:43I have got a football game to watch.
23:51Well, that would be men's.
24:01Go, Joseph, go!
24:04Slow down, Joseph.
24:05We've already got the tie.
24:06We don't have to hurt anyone's feelings.
24:09Why don't we just give them the dang ball?
24:12Go!
24:13Go!
24:14Go!
24:14Go!
24:15Go!
24:15Go!
24:15Go!
24:16Go!
24:16Go!
24:16Go!
24:16Go!
24:17Go!
24:18Go!
24:18Go!
24:19Go!
24:20Go!
24:20Go!
24:21Go!
24:22Go!
24:22Go!
24:24Go!
24:26Go!
24:28Go!
24:30Go!
24:32Go!
24:33Go!
24:34Go!
24:34Go!
24:35Go!
24:36Go!
24:36Go!
24:48Go!
24:48Screw it.
24:49No hands!
24:51You're not the goalie.
24:53Come on, y'all.
24:54We were all cougars once.
24:56We're getting our butts kicked over there.
24:59I, for one, have had enough of this dang lawyer ball.
25:03Haven't you?
25:04No hands, derp.
25:05Coch?
25:20?
25:20Oh!
25:21I'm here if you need me.
25:24Bobby?
25:25I'd rather be on a losing football team than a winning soccer team any day.
25:32Well, all right, son. You're back.
25:34And I brought Joseph with me.
25:37All right, Bobby. Way to go, son.
25:42Get in there. Split right. Button hook on two.
25:45That was good strategy bringing Joseph back, Bobby.
25:51Stick with it and you could make a good coach someday.
25:55Hmm. I'd still want to wear my uniform.
25:59Ah, yeah. Okay.
26:02And a cape.
26:15Woo-hoo! All right, go Cougars! Go Cougars! Kick some wolf tail!
26:29Well, well, well. Peggy Hill coming back to football.
26:37Uh, Wendy.
26:41Toss me a beer.
26:45Take yourself, Tapp.