- 5/19/2025
King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 23 Wings Of The Dope
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TVTranscript
00:00Here's three things
00:29Three hundred dollars cash for my next semester, Ms. Kremser. Count it. It's all there.
00:36Mm-hmm. Well, there's still an incredibly complicated hair-dying exam coming up, Platter. You've got to pass that to even qualify for the final semester.
00:48I won't let you down, Ms. Kremser.
00:52Yeah, sure.
00:55Look, it's Luann.
00:57Luann. It sure has been a hard year for you, Luann, with your boyfriend blowing up and losing all your hair and being on academic probation.
01:09But you know, if you pass this last exam, it'll turn everything around.
01:13Sad. Very sad.
01:25What is Con thinking? He bought the best trampoline of Buckley's estate and he's letting it go to pot.
01:31Maybe we ought to talk to Con. This is a fix-it opportunity that only happens in the movies.
01:39Hey, I know what we could do. Bill, remember when we got you to brush your teeth by saying you didn't know how?
01:47Yeah. Reverse psychology. That'll never work.
01:52Yes, it will.
01:53Gotcha.
01:58I just took a test last semester.
02:04And now I've got another test.
02:07It's not fair.
02:09How often in real life are you testing?
02:13Ridiculous.
02:14Yeah.
02:15Let's.
02:16Okay, then.
02:17The girls at Beauty Academy are so mean.
02:25They are mean.
02:31You made your point, Bill.
02:36If you guys are here, who's guarding trash cans in Allie?
02:42Say, Con, we were just thinking.
02:44We don't want to fix your trampoline.
02:46I do.
02:47Bill.
02:48What?
02:49Dale.
02:49Oh.
02:51Now I get it.
02:53You rednecks want to fix my trampoline.
02:56But what's in it for me?
02:59Well, uh...
03:00You mow my lawn for two months.
03:03All right.
03:04Played him like a damn fiddle.
03:20Excellent, Sharona.
03:23If I didn't know that tail was attached to a horse's rear end, I'd swear it was Shares.
03:29Thank you, Miss Kremser.
03:31Oh, very good.
03:33Excellent highlights.
03:36Luann Platter.
03:38It's not fair.
03:39My customer kept swatting flies.
03:46Step away from the horse.
03:48Shares' hair's thick anyhow.
03:57I am too going to pass that test.
04:00Whip out those plants.
04:05Sco, sco, sco.
04:08I've taken liberty of drawing up some schematics.
04:12Now, here's the trampoline that is.
04:15And here is the trampoline that could be.
04:19Oh, you see that.
04:21Uh-oh.
04:23I'm on it.
04:25Hey, Luann.
04:25Uh, you look pretty today.
04:28Right, guys?
04:29Yeah.
04:29Yes, very pretty.
04:31Red-eyed little pretty.
04:34Oh, Buckley.
04:37This was Buckley's trampoline.
04:41It was his favorite one.
04:45He named it number one.
04:47All right.
04:54Where were we?
04:55Yeah.
04:56Happy to meet you, Miss Kremser.
04:57Oh, beautiful.
05:00Well, some people say it's too bad Buckley's dead,
05:04but I say this trampoline sure is going to be beautiful.
05:08Yep.
05:09Good night.
05:10Night, Hank.
05:11I'll see you later.
05:13Good night, man.
05:13Bill.
05:14Who are you?
05:38What are you doing?
05:40Well, what?
05:43Chicken butt.
05:45Huh?
05:46Buckley!
05:47Hey.
05:49Huh?
05:51Psych.
05:52Huh?
05:53Huh?
05:56What happened to you being dead?
05:59Huh?
06:06Are you an angel?
06:08But please, angel.
06:14Don't worry it out.
06:14Huh?
06:15Huh?
06:16Huh?
06:16Huh?
06:17Huh?
06:17Huh?
06:17Huh?
06:18Huh?
06:18Huh?
06:18Huh?
06:19Huh?
06:19Huh?
06:20Huh?
06:20Huh?
06:21Huh?
06:21Huh?
06:22Huh?
06:22Huh?
06:23Huh?
06:23Huh?
06:24Huh?
06:24Huh?
06:25Huh?
06:26Huh?
06:27Huh?
06:28Huh?
06:29Huh?
06:30Huh?
06:31Huh?
06:32Huh?
06:33Huh?
06:34Huh?
06:35Huh?
06:35Huh?
06:36Huh?
06:37Unless you're just a hallucinogen of my mind.
06:44If you're really Buckley's angel, then tell me something only the real Buckley would know.
06:52Uh, you have a birthmark on your butt the shape of a Honda key.
06:56You are a real angel?
07:07The Salvation Army backlaid, and the children dropped the lemonade, and the morning lasted all day, all day.
07:30And through an open window came, lots of nought train a younger day, pushing the tower away, oh.
07:47You are a real angel?
08:17Luann, you look positively radiant this morning.
08:25You're not pregnant, are you?
08:28Hmm?
08:28Disregard.
08:29All right.
08:30Sausage.
08:32All right.
08:33Sausage.
08:35I have an announcement to make.
08:38Last night, I had a religious experience.
08:42Ixnay, Ixnay.
08:44Abibay, tuyay, unyay.
08:46Last night, I was visited by an angel.
08:51Buckley's angel.
08:52Cool.
08:54Mm-hmm.
08:54He was on the trampoline, and he said to tell y'all, hey.
08:58I think someone's been studying a little too hard for her beauty school test.
09:04Probably Sharona Johnson.
09:06She's always studying.
09:08It's not fair.
09:10Anyways, Buckley's angel and me jumped some, and then...
09:14Well, mostly we just jumped, but I feel better just knowing he's okay.
09:25An angel.
09:26Heh, heh.
09:27All right.
09:28Ugh.
09:29She is giving me the heaviest of jeebies.
09:32The angel part, sure, but the whole not crying thing?
09:35I like that.
09:37I like that a lot.
09:39I told her, use proper ventilation around those hair chemicals.
09:42She's probably just stressed out, Peggy.
09:45But if this helps her, let her think whatever she wants.
09:49She sees Buckley's angel, Nolan Ryan saw his arm as a rocket launcher, and the catcher's
09:55mitt as Saddam Hussein.
09:57Don't mess with the good thing, Peggy.
09:59Just be cool.
10:01I'm cool.
10:06So, Luanne, uh, this angel certainly seems to have made you happy.
10:12Oh, yes.
10:14I think that it's a sign that God is gonna take that.
10:17Sure, sure, right.
10:18God.
10:19I'll bet God sent you this guardian angel.
10:22This stand-on-your-own-two-feet angel.
10:25And if you have a problem from now on, you don't have to cry, because Buckley's angel will
10:32help you through your tests, or maybe find an apartment, or whatever.
10:38Oh, my guardian angel.
10:42Yep.
10:43Find an apartment.
10:49Red alert.
10:50Red alert.
10:51Hey, Broomhauer and Mr. Doetreeve and Mr. Gribble.
10:54What in the name of hell was that?
11:00Luanne claims she saw Buckley's angel last night on the trampoline.
11:05I convinced her it was her guardian angel, and now she's on an even keel.
11:10I should have thought of this years ago.
11:13It's like she has a boyfriend I never have to meet.
11:16Heh.
11:19Ah.
11:19Ah.
11:19Hey, look, it's Luanne walking her book.
11:31I'm not walking my book.
11:33I'm waiting for my guardian angel.
11:36Buckley has come back from the dead to bounce on his trampoline and help me with my exam.
11:43Ah.
11:44Do you hear yourself?
11:47You're crazy.
11:48I don't have to hear myself, Buckley's angel hears myself.
11:53Well, you're going to fail the hair dye test and flunk out of beauty school and have to go to work at the mall at the pretzel place.
12:00And we'll all be famous hairdressers, and we'll all be on the third floor of the mall working on the people's hair who eat pretzels at the pretzel place.
12:10Ha ha ha ha.
12:11Well, I'll just spit on your pretzels and...
12:14No, that's okay.
12:17I forgive you because I have a guardian angel now.
12:25Ew.
12:26Buckley's angel, can you please melt Sharona Johnson's face?
12:32Oh, and help me pass my test.
12:37Buckley's angel?
12:41Buckley's angel?
12:44Okay, let's get to it.
12:52What's this, a note?
12:53Oh, that's nobody's hat.
12:56Give it back.
12:57Dear Buckley's angel, bring me a woman.
13:00Any woman.
13:01Love, Bill F. De La T. Dotree.
13:05That's between me and Buckley's angel.
13:08There is no Buckley's angel.
13:11There was barely a Buckley.
13:12That greaseball couldn't find a hammer in the Megalomart.
13:16How could he possibly find you a woman?
13:18You have your God's, and I have mine.
13:22Bill, shut up.
13:24Dale, lift your end.
13:25It's a sign we've been playing God with Buckley's trampoline.
13:33Now God is playing God with us.
13:36And he's a lot better at it.
13:38I refuse to touch this porthole to hell.
13:42Look, we got a project going on, and Boomhauer and I are the only sane ones around here.
13:49I don't know, man.
13:50You know, they had a little bit of time and a little off, man.
13:53I'm working on them for hours, man.
13:54Buckley walk up, just touches the hood, man.
13:56Just touches the hood, man.
13:58And dogs are healed, man.
14:00I don't know.
14:01Yeah, though I walk through the valley of shadow death, man.
14:03Don't take no...
14:05I am this close to fixing the trampoline myself.
14:08No, no, no, don't touch it.
14:10The angel won't come back, and I'll be alone forever.
14:14Ooh-wee.
14:15It is a hot one tonight, huh?
14:18So, men, have you ever had any religious visions?
14:23This about Buckley's angel, huh, Peggy Hill?
14:26You know?
14:27Not too much happened in this neighborhood.
14:30When someone comes back from dead, it gets around.
14:32I mean, Luann is clearly crazy.
14:36If it was a true religious vision, why would it come to her?
14:40I was home.
14:42Uh-huh.
14:43I mean, I have had my close calls.
14:45One time I heard a voice say,
14:48Jesus is love, right in my ear.
14:52But then when I turned off the hairdryer, it was suddenly gone.
14:59Oh, man.
15:00Oh, man, amen.
15:03Run, Hank!
15:05Portal to hell!
15:08Oh.
15:11Luann's got everybody going angel crazy, Peggy.
15:16Oh.
15:17Don't tell me you're hearing Jesus is love again.
15:21Jesus is love?
15:23So, studying for your big, uh, hair test?
15:33Well, I'm waiting for Buckley's angel.
15:35I thought we might do flashcards.
15:38Yeah, okay.
15:40Well, I'm sure with his help, you'll do just fine.
15:43You'll pass the test, and he'll have finished his good deed,
15:48and there'll be no need for him to come back to Earth again.
15:52And if you do see Buckley's angel again,
15:55it'll actually be an evil angel of death.
16:00I didn't make up the rules.
16:02It's in the Bible.
16:03Good luck now.
16:04Where is he?
16:20Buckley always did this to me.
16:23One time we were supposed to see Color Me Bad,
16:25and he never showed up.
16:26I was looking forward to that concert all week,
16:30and when I told him, he just said chicken beak.
16:34He better not be guardian and some other girl.
16:39Maybe I should drop out of beauty school, Aunt Peggy.
16:42What?
16:43Luann, you have wanted to go to beauty school since you were six.
16:48You have wanted to graduate beauty school since you were 12.
16:52If you give up on school, honey, you are giving up on your dreams.
16:56Education is the sleeping pill that makes dreams happen.
17:01Peggy Hill.
17:02But school is hard.
17:04I should just give up and sell pretzels.
17:08Uh-uh.
17:08Now you have to reach deep inside yourself
17:11and stop depending on your uncle or your boyfriend
17:15or your boyfriend's angel.
17:17This time, it is all up to you.
17:20Buckley's angel helps those who help themselves.
17:24I'll do it!
17:25You'll help me, right?
17:28Of course.
17:34I don't know why you didn't come, Buckley's angel.
17:45If this is some kind of test, I'll have to take a makeup test
17:48because I have a makeup and a hair test this morning.
18:03Hey.
18:05You finally showed up.
18:07Thank you, Buckley's angel.
18:11Hey, you're going to fail the test.
18:13What?
18:14Yeah, I have a message from Jesus.
18:18Something about how you suck at beauty school,
18:20except worded nicer.
18:22Uh, here.
18:23Uh, Luanne, you really suck at beauty school,
18:27drop out, love Jesus.
18:30Huh.
18:31He underlined really.
18:32I guess it wasn't nicer.
18:33I thought angels were supposed to be good.
18:36You're a terrible angel, Buckley.
18:39I wish you never died.
18:41Hey, Jesus said it, not me.
18:43You are mean.
18:45Just like when you were my boyfriend.
18:48But I have faith in me.
18:52And I am not going to be trailer trash.
18:54I'm going to graduate, and I'm going to do makeups,
18:58and I'm going to have the biggest truck in Hollywood.
19:00Jesus says you're meant for something else.
19:03You can't say what.
19:04Well, you all are wrong.
19:06I'm meant for beauty school.
19:07Uh-huh.
19:08Uh-huh.
19:09Uh-huh.
19:09Uh-huh.
19:10Uh-huh.
19:11Yes!
19:12Bill!
19:13Bill!
19:15Bill!
19:15Bill!
19:15Bill!
19:16Bill!
19:17Bill!
19:18Bill!
19:19Bill!
19:20Bill!
19:21Bill!
19:22Bill!
19:23Bill!
19:24Bill!
19:25Bill!
19:26Bill!
19:27Bill!
19:28Bill!
19:29Bill!
19:30Oh, my gosh.
19:36Are you all right?
19:36I think I'm okay.
19:38I was up all night studying, and I was so tired,
19:41and I was driving, and now I'm...
19:45Do you want to sit down?
19:46Yes, very much.
19:50Oh!
19:50Oh!
19:54Look, I look terrible, and I have to take a test.
19:57So?
19:58Well, looks are ten percent of the grade.
20:00Looks?
20:01Well, what class are you taking?
20:03I bet it's statistics with Professor Rutledge.
20:05He's such a peg.
20:06No, no, no.
20:07It's hair coloring with Miss Cr...
20:09Wait.
20:09Wait.
20:10You thought that I was in school with you?
20:13In college?
20:15Yeah.
20:16Why not?
20:17You sure you're okay?
20:20Yeah, because we've got to go watch Saturday Night Fever for our American Cultures class.
20:25Yeah, I'm okay.
20:28Well, good luck on your test.
20:29Hey, Luanne, where's your guardian angel?
20:51Park in the car?
20:52Park in the car.
20:57All right.
20:58Let's begin.
20:59Gloves on!
21:02So, uh, any angel sightings this evening?
21:19No, not yet.
21:21Oops. Well, now, what's this? Huh. It's a letter from the desk of Buckley's Angel.
21:34Let's see here. Dear Bill Boomhauer and Dale, I have been unable to find a woman for Bill,
21:42any woman, or a crankshaft from a 1968 Dodge. And the porthole to hell is actually located in
21:52Hank's garage near all of his tools, which should be avoided by anyone afraid of the porthole to hell.
22:01Well, that's that. Goodbye, Buckley's Angel. Goodbye, Buckley's Angel. Hold the phone. Let me
22:08see that letter. That's not Buckley's handwriting, Hank. Good. Now, I believe we have a trampoline
22:32to fix. I guess I could pitch in a little bit. Guess what? You aced the exam. I knew it.
22:48Oh, congratulations, Luanne. No, no, no, no, no. Even better, Aunt Peggy. Buckley's Angel came back,
22:57and then I almost hit a wiener wagon. But first, Buckley said Jesus said that I was meant for
23:02something else, and I thought Jesus meant something worse. And then I remembered you telling me not to
23:07give up for my dreams, and I realized that he meant something better. And I got my tuition refund
23:14from Miss Kremser and enrolled in Ireland Community College, just like Jesus said.
23:20College? Real college? Oh, Luanne, you are dreaming with the big boys now.
23:29This is the happiest day of my life.
23:32Luanne, well, that's great. I mean, wow. But you'll be moving into a dorm. All of our dreams
23:40have come true.
23:42Um, well, Uncle Hank, with tuition and books and back-to-school clothes, I can't afford to
23:50move out now.
23:56Well, I guess as long as you're in school, bettering yourself and whatnot.
24:04Thank you, Uncle Hank.
24:06Don't thank me. Hug your Aunt Peggy.
24:10I'm going to start out as a liberal artist. I might even go play med. It's really the
24:18same as being...
24:18Huh. I didn't know there was a wiener wagon stopping in Ireland.
24:23Obviously not. Or you would have taken me.
24:39Hey.
24:40Uh, I just came back to say I'm sorry I bailed out of the car.
24:47I knew you weren't really a jerk.
24:50Yeah.
24:51Well, uh, I gotta go.
24:54Jesus is having a party tonight. It's gonna rock.
24:58There'll probably be a lot of people there.
25:00But, if you see, Jesus, tell him I said thanks.
25:07Goodbye, Buckley.
25:09Before I go, um, could I have one last kiss?
25:15Hmm.
25:15Hmm.
25:18No.
25:20That part's over.
25:22Why?
25:22Chicken thigh.
25:26Chicken thigh.
25:32Hey.
25:33My, my, my, my.
25:35Good night.
25:37Hey.
25:37My, my, my, my.
25:39Hey.
25:41Yeah.
25:42Hey.
25:51New record.
25:52Cool.
25:53Hey.
25:53My, my, my.
25:54Hey.
25:55Hell, my, my, my.
25:59Was he tonight?
26:00Hell, my, my, my.
26:03Hey.
26:12Hey.
26:13Buckley's Angel
26:19Buckley's Angel
26:25I'm so alone
26:29I have to commute to Houston every day
26:32It's city one big stink hole
26:34Did I make the right decision Buckley's Angel?
26:39Buckley's Angel?
26:40Why you not come to me
26:43Instead of that redneck little hot potato
26:46Oh Buckley's Angel
26:48No!
26:50No!
26:51No!
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