- 5/19/2025
King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 17 Escape From Party Island
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TVTranscript
00:00Yep.
00:30Yep.
00:32Yep.
00:36What's with Hank?
00:38I think he's worried about his mom.
00:41Are you worried about your mom, Hank?
00:45He's worried about his mom.
00:49She and her friends were supposed to get here two hours ago.
00:54Why she had to take on all this highway driving at her age just to see a museum of miniatures?
01:02The one at Port Aransas?
01:05Yes.
01:06Well, maybe she stopped on the way to make herself look nice.
01:10That's something ladies do.
01:13I was married to one once.
01:17My God, it's almost four o'clock.
01:27Would it cheer you up if I stuffed some Fig Newtons up my nose?
01:32Mom, you made it.
01:37You know, you've still got four hours of driving before you get to Port Aransas.
01:42I'm not sure I want you to...
01:44Oh, honey, we stopped at the pancake house.
01:47One thing just led to another.
01:49Blueberry pancakes mean blueberries in the pancakes,
01:54not buttermilk grill cakes with blue sauce on top.
01:58They brought you new ones.
02:00That's not the point.
02:02It was horrible.
02:04This is Lillian. She's delicate.
02:07Pleased to meet you, Lillian.
02:09That was much too sudden.
02:12You know, Mom, that van of yours is a lot to handle.
02:16In many ways, it's more of a light truck.
02:20Maybe this trip is just too much for you to take on.
02:24Yep, I think it is.
02:25Well, I have to drive.
02:27I'm the youngest.
02:29Maureen's only ten years older, but she lost her license.
02:33It was took last March.
02:35Delia gets angry.
02:37The doctor calls it road rage.
02:39Oh, I'll drive.
02:40It's only been 40 years.
02:42We aren't talking about a bicycle.
02:45I don't have a choice, Peggy.
02:47I've got to drive them the rest of the way.
02:50Hank, if you want to go visit a miniature museum,
02:53then just come out and say so.
02:55I won't tell anyone.
02:56I hate miniatures.
02:58I've hated them since I was a kid.
03:00Mom only took them out when she was heading into a funk,
03:04like between the time I was ten and fourteen.
03:08Enjoy your trip to the miniature museum, Hank.
03:15Hope you can fit inside.
03:17Yeah, man.
03:21Talking about an old party man, man.
03:26Them and Hank inside with them little old ladies.
03:28They don't know how to have a good time with them little old ladies.
03:31Very funny, guys.
03:34I can't think of anything funnier than a man having to take care of his mother.
03:40Oh, that's just hilarious.
03:42You think your mother would find that funny, Dale?
03:46Not the way you tell it.
03:48Yep.
04:03The wildflowers sure are lovely this spring.
04:07I always say there's nothing like Texas wildflowers.
04:11You think we Arizoans don't have flowers?
04:14I never said that.
04:16Dilly, that boy of yours just called me a liar.
04:19I did not.
04:20Hank, just apologize to Delia.
04:22But I never said...
04:24Delia gets a little out of sorts when her blood sugar falls low.
04:28Otherwise, she's lovely.
04:30Here's a piece of hard candy, dear.
04:33Mmm.
04:37Uptown girl, you know she's living in her uptown world.
04:43And when she's walking, she's looking so funny...
04:50Bill?
04:51Yeah.
04:52You shouldn't have to be working with your hands, Peggy.
04:56You're a lady.
04:58Oh, Bill.
05:00Here, let me help.
05:02It must be nice having a man around the house again, huh, Peggy?
05:07Actually, Hank has only been gone an hour and a half.
05:10I tell you, Peggy, I'd never leave you for an hour and a half.
05:15Your shirt is very dirty.
05:18Oh, that's not dirt.
05:21That's...
05:22That's chili sauce and such.
05:24What's that boy doing?
05:37I'm just getting a traffic report.
05:39Radio makes Lillian carsick.
05:43You can't get carsick from a radio.
05:47Carsick's an inner ear thing.
05:49Turn on the radio.
05:51I'd prefer not to risk it.
05:53I was a nurse for 40 years.
05:55I know all about carsick.
05:58I've never been carsick in my life.
06:01What should I do?
06:03The problem with you is, you never know what to do.
06:06You just met me.
06:07I know your kind.
06:09Would you please turn on the radio?
06:13It's 75 degrees.
06:15All right, ladies.
06:18You can get back in.
06:24Careful, Bobby.
06:25You know how your mother and I worry about you.
06:28Uh, you know she worries about you, too, Mr. Dotree.
06:35She does?
06:36I guess.
06:37I don't know.
06:38Look, everyone.
06:42Port Aransas.
06:44It looks like a miniature island.
06:47Oh, it's a shame it has to get bigger.
06:51I want to remember it like this.
06:54So, I guess all of you are as crazy for miniatures as my mom, huh?
06:59I wouldn't use the word crazy.
07:02To the miniatures.
07:04To the miniatures.
07:06To the miniatures.
07:07To the miniatures.
07:08To the miniatures.
07:09To the miniatures.
07:10To the miniatures.
07:11To the miniatures.
07:12To the miniatures.
07:13To the miniatures.
07:14To the miniatures.
07:15To the miniatures.
07:16To the miniatures.
07:17To the miniatures.
07:18To the miniatures.
07:19To the miniatures.
07:20To the miniatures.
07:21To the miniatures.
07:22To the miniatures.
07:23To the miniatures.
07:24To the miniatures.
07:25To the miniatures.
07:26To the miniatures.
07:27Huh?
07:28What?
07:29oh hurry we're gonna be late for the museum it's not even 5 a.m that kind of attitude is not going
07:39to get you ready any faster okay okay uh will you ladies just give me a few minutes to shave no
07:48well looks like we might have gotten here a little early what's the big joke
07:57it's not a joke then it's us isn't it apparently we amuse you in some way i wish well that was
08:09interesting stay watch lyle neff is one of the world's most renowned micropointalists
08:18lyle neff oh god i haven't heard that name since i was 13 you know i'd always pictured him with a
08:28scrawnier mustache they say the sprites talk through his hands that's a nice looking uh seal
08:37it is an otter lyle neff would never waste his time on seals seals are trash mammals everybody knows
08:45that oh six cucumber sandwiches please uh i'll have the hamburger sandwich instead the cucumber
08:56sandwiches are delicious here i don't like cucumber
09:01i apologize for my son come on mom you don't have to apologize for me apparently i do
09:10mom it's me hank just came to say good night
09:17shouldn't you be in bed it's almost 7 30
09:23look at this don't they look happy they like it here
09:28uh mom those are just glass i know that hank my point is they're from the island and they like
09:39being home uh you're not falling into one of those funks are you mom because i haven't seen you uh
09:47socialize with your miniatures since gosh since you were married to dad
09:52i'll help you with your dishes
09:57mom mom what should i do mom
10:03oh quiet you
10:08how did you get in bill you gave me a key remember when you went on vacation so i could feed lady bird
10:23that was six years ago
10:26uh-huh it's probably a good thing i held on to it too after all you never know i want it back
10:32now all right let me help you with that trash
10:38why is he hugging our trash as long as he does not take it into his house we're okay
10:47oh no
10:51i'll have a dune bergy medium rare and a beer
11:00at last a few signs of civilization hey guys how those longhorns looking for next year
11:09totally awesome dude awesome that's what i like to hear let me buy you a beer and we can talk some
11:18football don't mind if we do
11:22football don't mind if you have a beer and a beer and a hamburger
11:27that'd push them right over the edge i'll tell you what
11:31if they could see me now having a beer and a hamburger
11:35that'd push them right over the edge i'll tell you what
11:48hold on to your hats ladies the museum will still be there at dawn
12:07hey you kids knock it off come on some of us are trying to sleep
12:21okay you asked for it you what broom are your parents in
12:26oh for goodness sake
12:35and none of you heard any of that last night
12:37no
12:39i smell something unpleasant in this hallway
12:45but it's making me rather
12:52son your blinkers on merge merge already
12:58oh look at this crowd that museum is going to be a madhouse
13:05i think it would be safest if we used a buddy system to get around
13:10hank you're making too much out of this mom
13:14that fella asked you to show him your high beams
13:18now do you even know what he meant
13:20of course i do i've been driving longer than you
13:24no mom what he meant was oh hank look a unicorn
13:30i have just the little nook for you oh yes i do
13:40biggie isn't it funny we ran into each other here just by chance
13:47i didn't even know you shopped at this market
13:50it's the one closest to the house bill
13:52i think so too you know what i'm shopping for
13:56food i didn't ask you all right i'm having a barbecue this afternoon
14:03see you there no you will not okay then four o'clock
14:10oh
14:24All right, gentlemen and ladies, let's take a vote.
14:41Warm water.
14:47Or cold water.
14:54Cold water, it is.
15:02But cold water is going to make their...
15:12Okay, let's go. Buddy up. Delia, you hold Maureen's hand.
15:17No, we're fighting. She ate the last scone.
15:21And it was delicious.
15:23Randy. Randy, Chad, it's me, Hank.
15:29Hey, it's that dude from last night.
15:36I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let that happen.
15:40The problem with you is you never mean to let anything happen.
15:44It's a horrible, empty way to live.
15:51Barbecuing?
15:52No! Go away!
15:54This is Peggy's. She's got no one to do her barbecuing now that Hank's left her.
15:59Left her? He's only on a two-day trip with his mom.
16:03And four other single women.
16:11How's my driving?
16:14I'll tell you.
16:15Mom, write this number down.
16:171-800-E-A-T-S-H...
16:25Ah, never mind.
16:28Spring Break 99 continues with some of the hottest fans, bods, and buns on the port I call Aransas.
16:36Am I right, I'll rock-a-doodle?
16:40And Party 99 is only getting better, because Adam Sandler's going to be performing live!
16:51Sloppy Joe! Slop, plop, sloppy do!
16:56Sloppy Joe! Sloppy, sloppy Joe!
16:59There, you're packed.
17:08But we haven't seen the Glade of Elsinore at the museum.
17:12Forget about the museum.
17:14We've got to get off this island before they run out of beer and start rioting.
17:18The Glade of Elsinore is crafted from real flowers.
17:23That means the pigments fade, stupid.
17:25I don't care. We're leaving.
17:29Oh, you're impossible!
17:38I tell you what, it'll be great when all these kids look like miniatures in a rear-view mirror, huh?
17:51When you're all back safe in your homes and planned communities, you'll thank me.
17:57My God, Hank, stop!
17:59Mom, I told you, I will not...
18:02Hank, stop this van!
18:04What is it? Are you okay?
18:06No, I'm not.
18:07I'm not okay at all.
18:10I've left my unicorn.
18:14We have to go back for it.
18:16Well, Miss the fairy, I can't.
18:18Hank, tiny glass unicorns are as hard to find as a real unicorn.
18:22I can't leave without mine.
18:25Now I've had enough, Mom.
18:27Forget the damn unicorn and all these stupid little dolls from when you went weird.
18:33Oh, Delia was right.
18:34Hank, you are impossible.
18:36Which one of you is Delia?
18:38She is.
18:39I could commit you like that.
18:43Oh, no.
18:44Stay put.
18:45Mom!
18:50Mom!
19:06Now these should hold you till I get back.
19:10I wanted milk, not cream.
19:13Cream makes me low-gee.
19:15Live with it.
19:22Excuse me, have you seen a nice-looking older lady, gray hair, yellow golf sweater?
19:30Stand right there while I think about it.
19:33What?
19:34I don't see why I need to...
19:37Yo, gotcha!
19:40Hey, can't you see I'm looking for a lady?
19:43We're all looking for ladies, dude.
19:44That's what spring break is all about.
19:47Yeah!
19:52Bill.
19:54Why isn't Bobby playing?
19:56You don't look good, Mr. Dykechave.
20:00Have you been in a fire?
20:01Bill, are you okay?
20:06No, I'm not okay.
20:08I'm not okay at all.
20:10I didn't make you a barbecue just so you wouldn't show up, and I didn't come here to not watch Bobby play ball.
20:19Bill, please.
20:20People can hear you.
20:22I don't care.
20:23Maybe each time they did...
20:25Coach!
20:26You!
20:27Coach!
20:27Why aren't you playing Bobby Hill?
20:30I am responsible for that boy.
20:32You play him now!
20:33You hear me?
20:34You!
20:35Oh, Peggy.
20:38I'm not angry at you.
20:41Bill, you get your arm off me.
20:44Oh, yeah!
20:49Come on, cougars!
20:51Come on!
20:52Woo-woo-woo!
20:57Mom!
20:59Mom?
21:01Mom!
21:02Mom!
21:02Excuse me.
21:07I'm looking for a nice-looking older lady.
21:10Sweater.
21:10She needed a unicorn.
21:13Don't they all?
21:14Was she here?
21:16She left a few minutes ago.
21:19One unicorn richer.
21:20Damn, those stupid miniatures.
21:22They're gonna get her killed.
21:24You don't know anything.
21:26What?
21:27Miniatures probably saved your mother's life.
21:30What's that supposed to mean?
21:32Do you know how hard it is to be a woman in this world?
21:36I do.
21:37Women come in here all the time, and they are sad, and they are lonely, and they are frumpy,
21:41and they tell me how my tiny, individually handcrafted, investment-grade art is the only thing keeping them sane.
21:49Do you understand?
21:50Does that sound like your mother?
21:51No.
21:52Well, maybe, when her marriage to my dad was breaking up, but...
21:59So, uh...
22:01So this little glass crap really helped her out, huh?
22:06Huh.
22:07I guess I owe someone an apology.
22:11Except it...
22:13No.
22:15Uh, Mom?
22:17About back in the car, well, uh...
22:20Well, here.
22:21What is it?
22:23Uh, it's the Los Angeles International Airport carved in a walnut shell.
22:29Oh, look at the detail.
22:32Don't worry, little puppy.
22:35Someone's coming to claim you.
22:37It's wonderful.
22:39Yeah, it's a...
22:40It's a neff.
22:41Oh, we gotta go, Mom.
22:50Now.
22:51The last ferry leaves in 15 minutes.
22:55And the brochure recommends getting there 10 minutes in advance.
22:59Oh, no!
23:01Oh, no!
23:01Oh, no!
23:02Oh, no!
23:03Oh, no!
23:03Oh, no!
23:04Oh, no!
23:05Oh, no!
23:06Oh, no!
23:06Oh, no!
23:07Oh, no!
23:07Oh, no!
23:08Oh, no!
23:08Oh, no!
23:09Oh, no!
23:09Oh, no!
23:10Oh, no!
23:11Oh, no!
23:11Oh, no!
23:11Oh, no!
23:16Maureen!
23:16Maureen!
23:16Maureen!
23:19Maureen!
23:19Oh, no!
23:20Oh, no!
23:22Oh, no!
23:22Oh, no!
23:24No!
23:24Oh, no!
23:25Oh, no!
23:26Oh, no!
23:28Oh, no!
23:36Oh!
23:36Oh!
23:38Takes two minutes to develop.
23:40Hey.
23:41They passed her over the crowd like a beach ball.
23:47Aw, hell.
23:48Get him, Markadillo.
23:49Get him!
23:50Invasion!
23:51Hey, Maggie.
23:53Hey, Maggie.
24:03Hey, Maggie.
24:06Hey.
24:11Hey.
24:16Hey, those aren't the scripts and dang it.
24:18Give me that.
24:19You damn.
24:21No, I'll help, man.
24:25Get off of me.
24:37Come on, man.
24:38Come on, man.
24:39Yeah!
24:40Yeah!
24:41Yeah!
24:42Yeah!
24:43Yeah!
24:46Yeah!
24:47Yeah!
24:51Yeah!
25:01Oh, no!
25:02Don't worry.
25:03We're gonna make it.
25:14Everybody stay calm.
25:15We just experienced severe tire damage.
25:19You said you'd get us out of here.
25:21Tilly, your boy is all talk.
25:24I hate you.
25:26Hank, get us out of here.
25:28But we're down to the rims.
25:30If we drive on them, they may never be true again.
25:38It's him.
25:39Hang on to your nefs.
26:00Look, everyone!
26:02Port Aransas!
26:04Oh, I can't wait to get there.
26:23Who's ready?
26:24Lay it on me.
26:25I probably could use a beer.
26:28Bill?
26:30Boomhower?
26:31I don't think, man.
26:34Bill?
26:39Oh, sorry about that.
26:42And, uh, thanks for looking after Peggy for me, Bill.
26:47It won't happen again, Hank.
26:51Yep.
26:53I know your kind.
26:54I know you're kind.
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