King Of The Hill Season 1 Episode 11 King Of The Ant Hill
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00:30Hmm, two and an eighth, and two and a sixteenth.
00:44Better let some air out of my left tires.
00:46Hey, getting your lawn ready for Cinco de Mayo, Hank?
00:50Bill, my lawn is in a constant state of readiness.
00:55The block party is just an opportunity to trot her out and show what she can do.
00:59Hey, Hank, can't you let your lawn go to hell?
01:03Okay, up doggy, make on it?
01:04Hey, if you've got something to say, say it.
01:07It's not my place to point out low-density patches here, over there, and behind the other side of house.
01:15Sucky lawn bring down value of my property.
01:18Now, you listen here, con.
01:21If anyone's bringing down the value of this neighborhood, it's me.
01:27My lawn's nothing but ragweed and auto parts.
01:30I should be ashamed to live next to Hank Hill.
01:34He's got the best lawn in Arlen.
01:37Oh, best lawn.
01:38After mine.
01:39Ha!
01:41Ha-ha-ha!
01:44Oh, don't worry, Hank.
01:46We might be able to tell Con's lawn is better than yours,
01:50but with all those people at the block party, they won't.
01:53They'll be drunk.
01:54Damn, I've poured my whole life into this lawn.
02:04My heart, my soul, the tender feelings I've held back from my family.
02:13Now, Hank, you don't want to win that way.
02:17Why don't you just switch those back and go in and hug your wife?
02:24Bethany, it does not matter if your abogados are hard.
02:29Life is hard.
02:31You cannot make authentic guacamole out of lima beans and Ritz crackers.
02:38All these people.
02:40Gringos.
02:41I'm just glad you're in charge of the block party this year, Aunt Peggy.
02:46Last year, it was all Texanomex.
02:49I don't know why everyone's so gaga over Con's lawn all of a sudden.
02:56For God's sakes, the man mows with the grain.
03:00Oh, he's the devil.
03:01Anyway, Hank, would you please tell Boomhauer Swiss cheese is not Mexican.
03:06It is American.
03:08I want him to bring some Monterey hack.
03:12I'm the block captain.
03:14I should have the best lawn for Cinco de Mayo.
03:17But look at her. Something's wrong.
03:20She's like a pretty girl with short hair.
03:25Hey, Hank.
03:26What do you say to another lawn spraying from your favorite exterminator?
03:31Well, uh, I don't know.
03:34I guess those twice a week sprayings have been doing the job, Dale.
03:38I lost another client.
03:40He thinks I use too much chemicals.
03:45I say Sarah Lee uses more chemicals than I do.
03:49Come on. I need to make up the income.
03:52I'll do it for free.
03:54Uh, well, okay.
03:58Wingo, man.
04:00I'll get my stuff.
04:02You know, maybe that's what's wrong with your lawn.
04:05Dale's spraying too much poison on it.
04:07What?
04:08No.
04:09He's always sprayed my lawn.
04:12And if I can give some business to my friend and keep my lawn bug free, it's worth two dollars a week.
04:19Well, then good for you for choosing your friend over your lawn.
04:25All right.
04:27Turn your cuffs down, boys.
04:29Make sure you're zipped.
04:30Uh, you know what, Dale?
04:33I thought it over, and I think I'll take a rain check.
04:37But I was going to spray for fire ants today.
04:40All the same, I'll give it a pass.
04:43Oh, I wouldn't advise that.
04:46You risk getting a queen.
04:48Look at her.
04:50She can lay a million eggs in a 24-hour period.
04:55Wow.
04:56That's more than a human woman does in a lifetime.
05:00These fire ants are well-organized, highly trained insects.
05:05They'll swarm all over you and sting you all at once without warning on a single command.
05:13It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard.
05:17Oh, Dale, fire ants don't sting you all at once.
05:21Half of them bite.
05:23The other half are on defense.
05:25That's not true.
05:27I don't know, man.
05:28Hank's a man.
05:29He knows that dang old Hank's a man.
05:31What are you guys listening to Hank for?
05:34I have dedicated my professional career to the study and control of arthropods.
05:41I have personally taste-tested each and every household insecticide.
05:46I have read a book.
05:49Now, who do you believe, me or Hank?
05:51I know Hank more believable.
05:53Fine.
05:54Fine.
05:55Side with him.
05:57Just to show you what a big man I am, I'll still spray your lawn.
06:03Dale, I don't want you to spray my lawn anymore.
06:07Not now.
06:08Not ever.
06:10I see what's going on here.
06:14You got another exterminator.
06:17Is he licensed?
06:18Is he bonded?
06:19Is that it?
06:21Did you want someone who's licensed and bonded?
06:24Dale, let's not make this any harder than it has to be.
06:29It's over.
06:30But I'm your exterminator.
06:34You were my exterminator.
06:37Now we're just friends.
06:38Don't do this to me in front of everybody.
06:45Let me just spray a little to keep up appearances.
06:49No.
06:58All done, Hank.
07:03Just keep the dog in the house for an hour.
07:06I did what had to be done.
07:10I got rid of an anti-lawn element.
07:14Sure, he's a friend, but I have lots of friends.
07:18I only have the one lawn.
07:21What do you think?
07:31Does this say Hank Hill?
07:33I thought we just came for seed and fertilizer.
07:36Why are men so attractive to hoes?
07:40Oh, Peggy.
07:41Peggy, look.
07:43It's Raleigh St. Augustine.
07:45The hell with fertilizer and seed.
07:48I want this.
07:49Hank, it's $1.25 a square foot.
07:53So what?
07:55It's worth it.
07:56Look, some people hoist a flag to show they love our country.
08:00Well, my lawn is my flag.
08:03It tells the world, here lives a competent, trustworthy salesman of propane and propane accessories.
08:13A man who can't keep up a lawn is either inept or stupid.
08:18Without my lawn, I am Bill.
08:21Do you want to be married to Bill?
08:24No.
08:25No.
08:25No.
08:25No.
08:33Well, mister, you have just installed the finest lawn on the block.
08:39Oh, Peggy, I didn't do it for me.
08:42I did it for Arlen.
08:44Oh, it looks so nice.
08:46Can I touch it?
08:48Sure.
08:49It's a lawn.
08:50It's meant to be enjoyed.
08:55It feels so good against my skin.
09:00Uh, okay.
09:11That's enough.
09:16Hey, Hank.
09:18Congrats on the lawn, friend.
09:22I'm glad you came.
09:24May I?
09:26Just a little.
09:28Oh, yeah.
09:29Yeah, that's nice.
09:32Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.
09:36Feels like home.
09:38Hey!
09:39Get off my pawpawky!
09:42Luanne!
09:44For God's sakes!
09:55Ouch.
09:56Ouch.
09:59Boy, it does feel good against the skin.
10:16Hank Hill, somebody steal my TV guide out of mailbox.
10:20First, I think it's Bill.
10:22But then I think, can Bill read?
10:25Well, hey, Con.
10:26Just letting my feet air out here.
10:29Well, hillbilly barefoot.
10:31Big surprise.
10:33Yep.
10:33Just walking around on my lush, super plush new lawn.
10:39I know this.
10:40Raleigh St. Augustine.
10:41Very expensive.
10:43Well, I think it was worth it for the best lawn in Arlen.
10:47Yes, yes.
10:47All right.
10:48You win.
10:48Best lawn.
10:49Tomorrow, maybe we compare salaries.
10:51Tom Jr., get fertilizer.
10:54Men, get my tax return.
10:57Heh, heh.
10:59Hmm.
11:00Don't want to get a hose imprint.
11:05Ow!
11:06What the?
11:07A fire ant?
11:11Oh, God, no!
11:14An anthill on my new lawn!
11:17Oh, so that's what that is.
11:19How did I get fire ants?
11:22I'm only a professional exterminator.
11:25I don't know how you get them.
11:27I only know how you get rid of them.
11:30Well, gotta go.
11:34It's called echo kill, Hank.
11:36The government would not let them use the word echo unless it was ecologically safe.
11:41I don't know, Peggy.
11:44It seems to me it's going to take more than a bag of flies to scare off these red devil bastards.
11:51No, they do more than scare them.
11:55The foreign fly injects its egg into the fire ant's head.
12:01The egg hatches into a maggot, which eats away at the ant's brain until the head falls off.
12:08Repeat as necessary.
12:09I like it.
12:10This is exactly what those environmentalists should be spending their time on.
12:17Finding ways to use nature against other forms of nature that are inconvenient to man.
12:25Wow, look how busy this ant is.
12:28It's got so many places to go and so many things to do.
12:34Oops.
12:36Oh, your parents got echo kill.
12:39Oh, cool.
12:41We can collect the empty ant heads when they're done.
12:45What a terrible way to die.
12:48Oops.
12:49Come on.
12:50If we save them, we can play with them.
12:53Hey, look at that chubby white one.
13:11It reminds me of me before my growth spurt.
13:16It's the queen, stupid.
13:17It looks just like the one on my dad's truck.
13:21You mean Dale Gribble's truck?
13:24Yeah, my dad.
13:25The queen is cool.
13:27She lets out smells that make the other ants do whatever she wants.
13:33Wow.
13:34Well, well, well, looks like those fire ants played you like a damn fiddle.
13:45Yeah, well, the opry ain't over yet.
13:48Okay, ants.
13:49Put your heads between your six legs and kiss your butt goodbye.
13:54Celebration of local graffiti artists?
14:09I'll give you a headline.
14:11Local man cancels newspaper subscription.
14:15Ha, ha, ha!
14:16Hey, Hank!
14:20You got a permit for all that construction?
14:24You've got ants.
14:46Yes, bye, queen.
15:01Yo, Peggy wants me to barbecue 20 pounds of Mexican sausage.
15:06I got half a tank of propane left.
15:09You think that's enough?
15:10I figure I could top it off with some lighter fluid or something.
15:14Oh, Bill, you don't want to be mixing and matching your petrochemicals.
15:19The Propane Association recommends that you...
15:22It'll be fine, Bill.
15:24Burn is burn.
15:26Burn is burn.
15:27I got to remember that.
15:29No, no, I'm telling you, that's dangerous.
15:32Propane is what I know best.
15:35Well, it sure ain't lawns.
15:39Yeah, man, it's dang true right about that, y'all.
15:42Well, hey, guys, I kind of got to talk to Dale alone.
15:52Hank, I was just telling the guys about Stonehenge.
15:56It seems the druids used it as some kind of sophisticated celestial...
16:01Uh, Dale, I didn't come here to...
16:04Oh, no.
16:05Dale, for once, you will hear me out.
16:10Calendar.
16:12Now, what can I do for you?
16:14You can save my lawn.
16:16Those fire ants are out of control.
16:19Dale, you're the only one who can help me.
16:22That's right.
16:24I am.
16:25The question is, why should I?
16:28Well, I'll give you two dollars.
16:30Two dollars.
16:35Because you're my friend.
16:38Ooh, I'm Hank's friend.
16:42Tie a ribbon around me.
16:44Because I'm coming to you man to man,
16:48offering a genuine apology for choosing my lawn over our friendship.
16:53Jeez, Hank, I'm just holding out for $2.50.
16:59Hey, what's that?
17:00What are you spraying?
17:01There won't be bleaching, will there?
17:04Hell no.
17:06Uh, I'd put that mask back on if I were you.
17:11You should have come to me sooner.
17:13I gotta pull out the big gun.
17:18Dioccipilified 6000 with Tekroline.
17:21And don't forget, it is Quattro de Mayo.
17:27That's right, brother.
17:28That's right, man.
17:44It's not fair.
17:46She was so young and green.
17:49I never even got a chance to mow her.
17:54Oh, it'll be okay, Hank.
17:56You will grow a new lawn by next year's Cinco de Mayo.
18:00Uh-uh.
18:01I can't go through this again.
18:04From now on, wood chips and gravel.
18:08Now, you do not mean that.
18:10Ashes to ashes, man.
18:12It's that dang old ashes to ashes.
18:13I only used as much poison as necessary and not a 55-gallon drum more.
18:21Poor Hank.
18:23Serves him right.
18:24Damn.
18:25Yeah, yeah, it does.
18:27You know where I come from?
18:28We got a thing called karma.
18:31You do something bad, it come back and bite you in the ass.
18:35Big, white, stubborn ass.
18:37Uh, guys, I can hear you.
18:42Aunt Peggy, Buckley wants to bring his .38 to shoot off at the block party.
18:48But Uncle Hank said nothing bigger than a .22.
18:52Well, now, he is the block captain, Lou Anne.
18:55Now, I coat the Turo's with azucar, or sugar.
19:05How very odd.
19:08Now, what the heck was that?
19:11Please, Buck Queen, please.
19:15I just hope Hank doesn't blame Dale for what happened.
19:34Oh, no, Nancy.
19:35He knows Dale was only doing his job.
19:38That's it.
19:38He gave him a 50-cent raise.
19:41Oh, sugar.
19:43We're out of sugar, Shug.
19:44You know, I think there's some more in the basement.
19:47Oh, no, I'll go get it.
19:49I'll get it.
20:03Dale?
20:03Oh, my goodness.
20:08Hey, Peggy.
20:18How could you plant fire ants on our lawn?
20:37Uh, I'm denying that.
20:40That's my position.
20:41Dale, you wrote it on this map.
20:433 a.m., planted ants.
20:45If all you're going on is my confession, forget it.
20:48I'm simply not credible.
20:51Well, then, what on God's green earth are you doing with all these fire ants?
20:55Uh, they're silkworms.
20:59Uh-huh.
21:00If you keep your mouth shut, I'll make you a business suit.
21:03No, I cannot allow you to leave the safety of the bowl.
21:10It is too dangerous out there.
21:15Forgive me, my queen.
21:17I spoke out of turn.
21:19Yes, your majesty.
21:28I will tell my people about you.
21:31And may I be so bold as to ask you to tell your subjects about...
21:38Uh-oh.
21:39I'm killing you how to kick it, Dale.
21:44Your friend, Dale, with those fire ants to get right...
21:46Dale!
21:47Ah!
21:50Oh, man.
21:51Dale, you went too far this time.
21:55Come back here.
21:56Come here.
21:57I'm going to kick your ass.
21:58No.
21:59No!
22:00I'm going to kick it harder if you don't come over here.
22:03You shouldn't have fired me.
22:05You know what I'm like.
22:07I'm capable of any crazy thing.
22:10But my lawn, Dale, you don't mess with a man's lawn.
22:14I had no choice.
22:16I tried planting the ants in your driveway, but they didn't take.
22:20They couldn't bite through cement.
22:22They're weak, like me.
22:24Um, Dad?
22:26Not now, Bobby.
22:28I'm in the middle of something.
22:29This really can't wait.
22:32Oh, Bobby, what are you doing?
22:36Take them off.
22:37Bobby, don't move a muscle.
22:41Listen to them, Bobby.
22:42If you move, they're all going to sting at once.
22:45Take my hand, Bobby.
22:47The ants will swarm on me.
22:49What if they don't?
22:50Oh, they will.
22:53They've been waiting to get a piece of me for 15 years.
22:58Come and get it, boys.
23:01It was.
23:06Ouch.
23:10Dale?
23:13Mr. Gribble?
23:15Dale, no!
23:17Oh, God, you sacrificed your life to save my son.
23:27I guess that makes us even for you ruining my lawn.
23:33What am I saying?
23:35Of course it makes us even.
23:42While I was blacked out, was anything inserted into me?
23:47You're alive?
23:49Answer the question.
24:02It's on the green.
24:05Beautiful.
24:07It's on the green.
24:08So green and soothing.
24:11Oh, yeah.
24:13Come join the block party.
24:14Hey, have at least one margarita before Bill finishes them all.
24:20It's not margarita, okay?
24:24It's margarita.
24:26Oh, Hank.
24:32Hank, come quick.
24:35Well, I'll be.
24:37Here, Hank.
24:38I've been saving this for someone special.
24:43Well, I guess she's never coming back.
24:47Try and make lawn nice, neighbor.
24:50Organically grown.
24:52No chemicals.
24:53I killed all the bugs with my fingers.
24:57Woo-wee.
24:59Man, that's Hank.
25:00Man, everybody's best friend.
25:03Man, richest man in the world.
25:04Just like the dang old Jimmy.
25:07Yo.
25:08Well, this is a very friendly gesture.
25:12I like y'all a whole lot.
25:16If any of you weren't here, I'd miss you some.
25:20I especially want to thank Dale Gribble.
25:24Without his paranoid and, well, hateful nature,
25:29I never would have learned what kind of beating a friendship can survive.
25:34You're my best friend, Dale.
25:37Well, I thought I was your best friend, Hank.
25:39Heh, heh, heh.
25:41Yeah, well.
25:44Heh.
25:45Huh.
25:45Heh, heh, heh.
26:15Huh.
26:38Huh.
26:39Huh.
26:44Huh.
26:44Huh.
26:45Huh.