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Although Desiree doesn't act out as much as her brothers, she's starting to be noncompliant and her grades are getting lower.
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00:00Well, I'm here in Kissimmee Florida and there's a family that need my help so I better take a look
00:10I'm Gerald. I'm 31. I'm Marla. I'm 29. We have three kids
00:16Desiree she's 12 years old. You think you're smart? You see your time
00:19She is 12 going on 20. I think you know everything. You don't know everything in this world. You don't I do
00:26Elias he is five
00:28He can get quirky at times, but he'll act up
00:32Hey, do not step on him. You'll hurt him and Ulysses. We call him shorty. He's three. He's a handful
00:39Don't you? He is all the gray hairs that I'm getting
00:45Wow look at this no one's got control
00:50Desiree I'm constantly getting attitudes from her
00:53Desiree you gotta clean up your room? What are you gonna clean up for?
00:55Desiree gives me that nasty attitude. I give it right back to her. Why you're failing school?
01:00Because? Because what?
01:02Too smart for it. You know what you're gonna be too smart for?
01:04My fifth in your mouth. We've seen a big difference in Desiree's grades in the past year
01:09She's gone from an A to a D
01:13Why don't you like to do homework?
01:15Because it's boring and it's stupid
01:17These parents need to sort something out. I mean that's a joke
01:20Are you gonna touch? Listen, listen, okay listen
01:23Jordy, he is just out of control
01:26Oh, yeah
01:27He'll pick fights with me. He'll pick fights with his mom
01:33He will kick he will hit me in the face
01:36He'll do things to aggravate us on purpose
01:39Hey, don't be spitting. This is a three-year-old somebody's got to step up and take care of this
01:46Honestly, I do all the work around this house. I can't believe that you can't bring her because you're so busy, right?
01:54Why don't you bring her? What's wrong with you?
01:56The house could fall apart and he's just sitting on the couch and everything is okay
02:00I don't think I get the proper acknowledgement of doing my fair share in the house
02:04Look at this one here with his throne
02:06Gerald, stop telling him to run because I'm trying to teach him a lesson
02:09Oh
02:11Pick me out in one day
02:12You don't even back me up
02:14I got your back, way back
02:16There's a serious problem here
02:18That is not acceptable
02:20Our children's issues are really putting a strain on our relationship
02:24It's tearing our family apart
02:26You baby fella
02:28I hate you
02:29Yeah, I hate you too
02:30Super nanny, we've reached our breaking point
02:32Please come help our family
02:34Yeah, you guys are right
02:36You really do need my help
02:38I hope you're ready because I'm on my way
02:47Hello
02:48Hi, pleased to meet you, Joe Frost
02:50When I first arrived, the Fernandez family were very welcoming
02:53Who's this?
02:54This is my daughter, Desiree
02:55Hi, Desiree, nice to meet you
02:56This is Ulysses, Chordy we call them
02:59Hi
03:00Chordy, you say hi
03:01Hi
03:02No
03:03Hello
03:04Hi, Eliza, pleased to meet you, I'm Joe
03:06Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you
03:07Nice to meet you
03:08Hi, nice to meet you
03:09When I first arrived, Mum needed to take Desiree to the shops to buy her some clothes
03:13Mommy has to do some errands, we're going to go shopping
03:16And that's when I saw exactly how little Dad does to help these family
03:20Can I come?
03:21Yes, Daddy's going to come, he's going to help me babysit
03:23I'm not coming
03:24That's girls shopping, Daddy's not going to girls shopping
03:26So what happens with the kids then?
03:28He says I'm not going to stay with them if he doesn't stay with them
03:31So you'll take all of them?
03:32I'll take all of them
03:33And that works for you, it's good?
03:34No, it doesn't work at all, because I can't get anything done, because they're misbehaved
03:39I can go
03:40I think Dad's change of heart was to make an impression on me
03:43Not working
03:44Jodie, where are your sneakers?
03:46They're right there
03:47And then really what should have been a simple task, getting Shorty's shoes on, took forever
03:53Are you joking?
03:54You don't want those sneakers? You want another pair of sneakers?
03:57How about these? You like these? These?
04:00I don't know what's your problem with the way I tie
04:07Gerald, tie it, hurry up, because I'm tired of this already, come on
04:11Are we in a hurry? There's a fire in here, we have to go somewhere
04:15Mum did everything she could to get Shorty's shoes on, and Dad didn't even help
04:20You don't like that
04:22After half an hour, Dad still didn't get up from the couch
04:27Mum lost it
04:28Just leave them, that's enough
04:31I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm not gonna put up with this anymore, I'm tired of this
04:35Well
04:39No shoes?
04:40No shoes?
04:41No shoes?
04:42No shoes
04:43So we got out the house, and then Shorty's kicking off, because he doesn't want to sit in the car seat
04:48I need to put on your feet up
04:52Leave him, Gerald, leave him, get inside, leave him
04:56Leave him
04:57Leave him, Daddy
04:58Yeah, I'm gonna drive
04:59Yeah, I'm gonna drive
05:00You wanna go in the car?
05:05Just throw it tight, you don't like it
05:12Did you just see that?
05:14It's ridiculous
05:15It's ridiculous
05:16Oh, great
05:17The door wide open, I know, let's let everyone in, shall we?
05:19We finally got to the shops, because Mum needed to buy a dress for herself and Desiree, but trouble was brewing way before that, because Elias didn't wanna go
05:31They'll get you, hurry up and come inside
05:33Hurry up, the police will get you
05:35I just had to laugh, I mean, threatening your kids that the police are gonna come
05:38What a joke
05:39They know that she's just barking empty threats, I mean, what's the point?
05:44Eventually, Elias did go into the store, but things just got worse for Mum and Dad, because Shorty made up his mind that he still wasn't gonna wear his shoes
05:51He was screaming, he was yelling, he was fighting, and I couldn't concentrate on picking out an outfit
06:11Just let me take him, girl
06:18Mum's sitting there in the shop going, this is not happening, surely this is not happening
06:20Surely this is not happening
06:24That's become so mad that he's like you're putting them shoes on
06:33You appear so I don't care don't feel yourself. Oh my goodness
06:41My law what now you got to go
06:44The way he did on purpose
06:47You peed up
06:49I know you're tired
06:53It's okay. It's an accident here. It's an accident. It's mom found so many excuses always tired
06:59Oh, it was an accident. No, it wasn't you need to step out of denial and deal with this and as for dad
07:06He just walked away as if the mess on the floor had nothing to do with him. Okay. Excuse me. Excuse me
07:13Gerald who's cleaning that up?
07:15Your son's just peed on the floor. I'm sorry. Yeah, I really don't think you should be cleaning that up
07:21I'm sorry
07:21Dad did clear up the pee and then the whole family left the shop but without
07:26Mum's dress if this is just the beginning for me with this family. Oh, I'm in for a ride, aren't I?
07:35After we got back from the store I knew that trouble was gonna start all over again
07:40And so I felt it would be important to have a quick word with Desiree about her relationship with her mum and dad
07:44Do you think your behavior?
07:47Has given your mum and dad a
07:51reason to distrust you?
07:55My grade they think that my grades are going down just because boys
07:59What's the reason then that they went down because I don't do my homework
08:03What is it that you actually need from your mum and dad trust?
08:07When your mum and your dad say things to you that are really awful
08:12Yeah
08:13It makes me feel like I mean nothing to them
08:17Like I'll drop a cup of water and she'll be like are you stupid? Are you an idiot?
08:21What is your problem? And I'm like it was an accident
08:24She's like your whole life is an accident. I think it's a two-way street here
08:28I think Desiree's got to recognize the importance of making better decisions so that she can earn her parents trust
08:34But at the same time her parents can't hold grudge forever
08:38Towards the end of the evening mum and dad were settling into their daily routine dad lounging around
08:43I got a clean up you got a clean up and mum doing yours
08:49It made me wonder about their relationship so I put mum aside so I could have a word with her
08:54What's the difference between the man that you married?
08:57Many years ago and the man that you have right now. I would say he is
09:03Doesn't appreciate me. He doesn't tell me he loves me and he just takes me for granted
09:08Are you still in love with this man? I love him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him
09:14Then what do you do just coexist under one roof?
09:16and does it just continue to get worse and worse, but what happens actually we'll
09:23split
09:24She's desperately wanting things to change, but doesn't know how to do that and her family are being sacrificed
09:35I'm actually gonna make a move
09:37I'm gonna go home so that I can get back ASAP
09:41I'm coming back tomorrow morning to talk to this family about the issues that I feel desperately need to be resolved and
09:48I don't think this family are gonna like what they're gonna hear
09:52Right before the family meeting, I was very nervous
10:07I'm worthy I didn't know if she was gonna come after me with a sledgehammer or what was gonna go down
10:14There are certainly some issues that need to be addressed with regards to desiree trust is a big big big issue
10:23She knows she's messed up and she doesn't feel like she's being given a chance to regain back your trust
10:30She's lied to me enough where it's difficult for me to trust her
10:33But how does she put it right if she's not going to be given the chance to put it right?
10:37By not allowing her to prove to you that she can be trusted you're closing the door on a critical time for her as a pre-teenager
10:48I want to talk about you guys being out in public yesterday because God what a shambles
10:53There is no discipline. There's no expectations. There's no rules. You've got to let these kids know where they stand
10:59Okay, this is what I'm you know expected to behave like and if I don't this is what's going to happen
11:04How are they even going to know what disciplines all about just hoping they grow out of it? I guess excuse me I said
11:11We're hoping they grow out of it. I guess
11:13That is the most pathetic
11:17Pathetic
11:19Excuse I have heard all year
11:21That is just so ignorant and immature of you considering you are a father of three children and a husband
11:30That attitude is going to get you nowhere
11:32I would like to talk about the turmoil between the pair of you when it comes to making a decision
11:38I was
11:39Gobsmacked that I spent 45 minutes in this house
11:45waiting
11:46For a little three-year-old to put some socks and shoes on and get out of the house
11:51Usain put them on and then you say no leave them. I mean
11:54How was she working together in that situation we didn't we didn't why?
11:59Feel like she's bringing a lot of tension
12:02She's trying to hurry people and you get frustrated because I keep saying the same thing over and over and nobody does what I'm saying
12:08And then you start to threat. I mean I got a list here
12:12When I break your teeth it isn't going to be so funny
12:14I'm gonna karate chop you in your lip hurry up and get inside or the police will come and get you
12:21There's a man over there who takes little boys who don't listen to their parents
12:26He takes them into the kitchen chops them up and cooks them and eats them
12:33I
12:34Find it disgraceful quite frankly
12:36It is not okay for you to talk to your children the way you think you can talk to them because you are their parents
12:47Gerald a little bit of gratitude a bit of affection in the house goes a long way doesn't it?
12:53When was the last time you even felt
12:56appreciated I
12:58Can't remember when somebody does things around the house that are just
13:02Normal everyday things for you to have to be patting them on the back all the time. It's just unrealistic
13:07I mean if if
13:09She's not happy with me if she'd like me to go. I mean excuse me
13:14I will go
13:16That's your answer is that's my answer
13:19So you would rather walk out the door then recognize what your wife is needing from you
13:26You sit in your throne like you're entitled to have your wife
13:30cook clean take care of you raise your three children
13:35Because all the things that you should be doing as a man
13:40And I say as a man because you would know the difference between a boy and a man
13:45You're not doing you need to grow up because right now. I don't see a man's attitude at this table
13:52I
13:53suggest you just shrug off your ego from your shoulders and really listen to what I'm asking you here
13:59There's a lot of work to be done here. I expect a hundred percent commitment
14:10So are you both in or out?
14:12I'm in
14:13I'm in
14:18I'm in
14:20Thank you. Thank you. I felt like I got lamb basted I mean Joe she dropped it on me big time
14:28The Fernandes family I've really shown some poor behavior and without delay
14:39I know I'm gonna have to go into this household and lay down boundaries as a first priority
14:44You boys like wrestling don't you so this is what I've got rules of the ring
14:49What you both are going to do as parents is lay down those rules no fighting
14:53No, playing with balls in the house. No yelling no yelling
14:58Desiree started to write things down the cap of the pen fell onto the floor and shorty wouldn't give it back
15:06So I seized the moment there and then to teach mom and dad the correct timeout steps in a very firm voice
15:13You're gonna ask him to come over to you and to give you the lid back from that marker
15:18shorty
15:19Come over here right now
15:21But mom's example of a firm voice just wasn't cutting it
15:26So I knew that I'd have to step in and demonstrate shorty look at me
15:30If you do not give me the lid of the pen back. I'm putting you straight into timeout. Do you understand me?
15:37He's a kid that just feels like he needs to be in control and when he's not he just becomes irate
15:50I'm gonna sit here in timeout because you did not listen to me and now you're gonna sit here for three minutes
15:56Yeah
15:58I'm gonna set the alarm
16:01He was frustrated and he was just angry and it was a different type of screaming and yelling that I have never heard
16:12Shorty decided that he was gonna come in and out of timeout, so I left it to mom to finish off
16:18You have to go back into that corner, okay, because you weren't listening
16:21You took the lid away from Desiree, okay mom mom. We're not pleading. Yeah, we're not pleading with him
16:28Okay, this is not excuse me, but you know can I you're in charge
16:33You're the mom aren't you you've got to step up and take charge of the situation
16:38We're gonna do need that for a teacher to do no or somebody else's mom
16:42You need to follow through no more excuses
16:45No more excuses
16:51Time out
16:57He's yelling he's screaming he's fighting back with me
17:07It was breaking my heart to see him that way
17:15Take over the next five I thought it would be a good idea to have mom and dad take turns
17:20In doing the timeout so that these guys would be together as a united front
17:25I need them on the same page. I need mom and dad doing things together at the same time
17:39Shorty gave mom and dad a run for their money
17:41He wasn't going to back down he's never had to and so he was going to go for the full mile
17:48I hate to turn my up
17:50He should hate it
17:52I felt that it was never going to end and I was getting frustrated
17:56After half an hour of tech teaming with mom and dad shorty got the message
18:12When I saw him standing there for the three minutes I felt like oh
18:17I it was a sigh of relief that I can't believe you know this technique worked
18:24You were in timeout because you kept the lid from Desiree say you're sorry to mommy
18:30Give me a hug and a kiss
18:32Come on
18:36After the dust had settled with shorty I decided to give dad this fun idea that would bring him closer with Desiree
18:43Do any of you recognize this?
18:46These paper fortune-telling games
18:49Obviously as you know inside there are questions
18:53The idea of the game is to get dad and Desiree talking more and that's the first step to rebuilding trust
18:59All right orange
19:00O-r-a-n-g-e
19:03Three
19:04One, two, three
19:06One
19:07What was the low point of your week?
19:10When Joe beat me up at the family meeting
19:12I wanted Desiree to know that Joe did kick me in the butt and you need to understand I'm here I'm willing to give this a chance
19:20And I want you to do the same thing
19:23What is the one thing about you I don't know?
19:27I love that
19:28My favorite color
19:29I know your favorite color
19:30No you don't know my favorite color
19:32I like the fortune-teller because it gives me and my dad time together to have fun and joke around
19:38Instead of him either criticizing me or coaching me
19:42What I'm hoping is that this paper fortune-telling game is something that you'll do every day
19:47I think the fortune-teller is about me and my daughter spending time with each other
19:51As she learns more about me I can learn more about her
19:54And there'll be more trust with our relationship and we can be a little bit more open
20:02As dinner time drew near dad says something quite surprising
20:06I'm cooking
20:07I guess my strong words at the family meeting did make an impact on dad
20:11And I was pleased to see that I mean he was stepping up
20:14But I don't know if mum really liked the idea of that
20:16Want me to tell you how I do it?
20:18No
20:19No?
20:20Okay
20:21I feel like I'm out of my element when he does help me
20:23Because I don't know what to do with myself
20:25It seemed to me at this point that mum was just playing Marta
20:28I need her to decide whether she wants dad's help or not
20:31So after dinner I sat both parents down to discuss the daily chores and who was going to do what
20:38Laundry, mop and sweep, grocery, clean bathrooms, clean rooms, cooking and homework
20:47I couldn't even believe how many chores mum was trying to do and not even asking for dad's help
20:52There are three that you could lose, which ones do you think they are?
20:55Grocery strips, you can do that once in a while
20:58Laundry, you don't have to do every day
21:00And I don't think you need to mop and sweep every day or clean the bathrooms every day
21:03I don't think you could lose them
21:04You know the bathrooms get stinky with the boys
21:06They don't know how to aim
21:07I'm a little compulsive
21:09I guess that's the way I take out my frustration and my stress is by cleaning
21:13You don't have to clean the whole thing
21:15You can just spot clean
21:17We'll really do a cleaning maybe, you know, twice a week, three times a night, every single day
21:21We will?
21:22You'll help me?
21:23Well, I can help
21:24If you can help me at the end of the week or whenever then that's fine
21:28So I had mum and dad make up a chart so they could really divide these chores more evenly
21:33Put me out the vacuuming because I can do that
21:35Okay
21:36I've got to say I was proud of dad taking on his fair share of work
21:40The new daily routine is great
21:42It's not only about my wife not having to do everything
21:45It's about my wife not thinking she has to do everything
21:48Did we work together?
21:49Yes
21:50Can we get some love around here?
21:51Huh?
21:52We're done good
21:56Something drastic has to be done about Desiree's homework
21:59She's getting low grades
22:00All right, let's come over here
22:02I set up a system that would allow mum and Desiree more peace when it came to handing in daily schoolwork
22:08But what they're going to need to keep in check is their attitudes towards one another
22:12Your homework needs to go into your inbox
22:16And when it's done, it's on the out box, all right?
22:20She has to do her homework and then one of us have to check over it
22:24Homework done love?
22:25Yeah
22:26Fabulous
22:27Desiree finished her homework pretty quickly
22:29And then mum went and checked over that work
22:32So that Desiree could get herself ready to go off to a dance that evening
22:35This could be reduced
22:37Okay
22:40I was reviewing her homework and Desiree ended up giving me attitude
22:45I don't know what goes into both of them
22:47Um
22:48I don't know what
22:49Desiree, please
22:55Happy now?
22:56Excuse me?
22:57If I'm happy now, forget it. That's it. You're not going anywhere
23:00Why?
23:01You're not going anywhere
23:02If I'm happy now, it's your homework
23:04Well, I did it
23:05It's your homework and you're giving me the attitude
23:07I'm just, I just went over it and I just told you that
23:09Okay, but I did it
23:10I understand you just did it
23:12But you don't need to say, happy now?
23:14No, I'm not happy because I got an attitude
23:17And I was like, you're not going to let me go to a dance over a stupid little question
23:21And then she just started flipping out on me like she always does
23:25You're happy now? You're happy now?
23:27It's not the right answer
23:28I said, I didn't say that
23:29I said, okay, are you happy now?
23:30I said, are you happy now?
23:32Done
23:33I don't need to say that if I'm happy now
23:34Why do you need to say that?
23:35Okay, well, sorry
23:36That's it
23:38You can go to your room
23:42I needed to step in immediately
23:45I mean, these two need to find some common ground before they ruin their relationship
23:49You're carrying right now months of frustration of the way that she talks to you
23:55And so, any slight little thing that you get from her, you blow
24:00At some stage, you've got to recognise that somebody's got to be the adult
24:05And it's not going to be Desiree
24:08It's not going to be her
24:09It has to come from you
24:11Joe pointed out to me that I can be the mature one and say, you know what? I know this meant a lot to you
24:20But all I wanted was an apology
24:22You have to understand that the way you talk to me, Desiree, is unacceptable
24:27I'm sorry
24:29I am sorry
24:31We have to start a new beginning now
24:35Now
24:36So, we're not going to do this anymore?
24:38Mm-hmm
24:39You promise?
24:40Mm-hmm
24:41Give me a hug
24:44It might have not been the best apology
24:46But I was going to be the mature one
24:48And handle it properly
24:50And take her off to the dance
24:51See ya
24:52Okay
24:53And maybe at the end of the night, she will appreciate me
24:56And say, you know what? Things are starting to change
24:59The next day, myself, Mum and Dad and Desiree went out back to have a talk
25:08But we didn't get far because Elias kept interrupting
25:10Elias, I need you to go over there with your brother
25:12And as soon as I'm done with Desiree, then we're going to do what you want to do, okay?
25:16But Elias was persistent and defied a time-out warning from Mum
25:20Okay, so that's it
25:21Come on, you're going to time-out
25:23Stay up against the wall
25:25You have five minutes right there
25:27Excuse me, what kind of time-out is that?
25:30That is not what I taught you
25:32What was the explanation?
25:33Where did you go over there and tell him?
25:35This was you
25:36Right, that's it, you've got a time-out
25:41What kind of time-out is that?
25:43You know what that was?
25:44Oh, get out of my face, I can't be bothered to deal with you
25:46That's what that was
25:48Elias, come here
25:50You're going in time-out because you're not letting me finish talk with Desiree, okay?
25:55So Mum put Elias into time-out, but when his time was over, she kind of just dismissed him
26:01No explanation and no apology
26:03Alright, I'm going to ask you both to leave the table because I'm going to have a quick word with Mum
26:08I was seeing red at this point because Mum was just being lazy
26:11You know when we had that family meeting, I kicked your husband's butt
26:15What am I going to do with you when I teach you a time-out and you don't even do it properly?
26:21You're armchair parenting
26:23You're sitting here and you're like, alright, yeah, you're done, you can go in now
26:27How are the kids meant to take you seriously?
26:30That's lazy
26:31What should you have done after his time was up?
26:34I should have told him what he did wrong
26:37Mm-hmm
26:38And hugged and kissed him
26:39Mm-mm
26:40Had him apologise and then hugged and kissed him
26:43Alright, tell me why you didn't do it
26:44I forgot
26:45There's a piece of paper
26:47Go straight inside and write the steps down
26:51Because if you don't get a nail that discipline underneath your belt
26:55You're going to be back square one by tomorrow
26:58Jo basically told me that I need to stop being lazy and step it up
27:02And I can acknowledge that
27:04I hope having the steps written down will help her
27:08Because I'm about to leave and they're going to be on their own
27:14I'm going for several days
27:16And there is much homework to be done literally
27:20Okay
27:21I think we're going to struggle with time out
27:25That's something I need to work on
27:27If I told you that I was walking out of this house
27:30Feeling rather confident
27:33I'd be lying to you right now
27:34I'm concerned
27:36Everybody kind of looked at each other and said, can I do this?
27:39And I know I can
27:41And I looked over at my wife and I'm hoping she thinks the same
27:44I want everybody to step up as a family
27:47I've given this family tools that they need desperately
27:51But at this point I don't even know if they're going to use them
27:54I can't sleep last night
28:05I was talking to her
28:08Hi, how are you?
28:09Very well yourselves
28:11Good
28:13The footage we're about to see
28:15Is really a testimony of how hard you guys worked
28:18And I left for several days
28:20So this will be rather interesting to say the least
28:23Out in public
28:24All right guys
28:26We're going to get going
28:27Everybody got their shoes on
28:28Let's have snacks quickly
28:29And then we're going to wrap it up
28:30And we're going to go
28:31I want everybody to get in their seat belts
28:33Nice and tight
28:34And we're going to go to the stores, okay?
28:36Ready?
28:40Was that you closing the door in such a short period of time?
28:43Hold on a minute, what happened here?
28:46Everybody worked together as a team to get out of the house
28:49I liked this dress right here
28:54I'll do both just in case
28:56What are you doing in the bathroom?
28:59Excuse me
29:00Do you have a bathroom?
29:01Yes
29:02Yes
29:06Let's do a fashion show
29:12Be careful guys, watch your hands
29:14Blimey, the staff must have had an art attack in that shop that day
29:18Seriously
29:19What a difference
29:20Oh yeah
29:21Big difference
29:22What a complete turnaround
29:23What happened?
29:24I think we set up a good base with them at home
29:27And they realised, you know
29:28What they had to do is just remain calm and do as they're told
29:31Good work the pair of y'all
29:33Good work
29:36What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
29:41Play pranks on people
29:43Am I one of those people?
29:45Yep
29:46Oh yeah?
29:47You want to try and answer and see how it looks?
29:49Yeah
29:50Let's do it
29:51Good?
29:52You satisfied?
29:53Yep
29:57Nice, right?
29:58Yeah
29:59What's the difference?
30:00A lot better communication, a lot more affection, you know
30:03And it's sincere, it's real, it's there, you know
30:06Yeah
30:07Yeah, it's a genuine, sincere affection because both your hearts are open in receiving that
30:12It's very good to see actually, very good
30:14All right
30:15Mum
30:16Let's take a look, Marla
30:18We're gonna make 40 brownies
30:19We're gonna make 40 brownies
30:20No, no, no
30:21Oh my gosh
30:22He squashed the egg
30:23Go wash your hands, hurry up, quickly, quickly
30:26He needs to get off the counter
30:28Leave him there, just relax
30:29You dropped the spoon
30:30No, don't take it out because you're gonna make a mess like you did before
30:33Mom, it's supposed to be fun
30:38It's supposed to be fun
30:39It is fun
30:40Oh, man, somebody wipe their hands on my towel here
30:44It's all right, give me the spoon
30:45It's not all right
30:46Why not?
30:47Because there's other towel, there's brown towel
30:49Oh, I forgot what that towel was there for
30:51That's for me, for cooking, nobody's allowed to touch that
30:54All right
30:55Kids make mess, adults make mess, that's how we learn
30:59But we can do what afterwards, Marla, because you're great at it
31:02Clean it up
31:03Correct
31:04What happens is the family are in one little niche here enjoying
31:08And you always end up looking like you're staring through the window at your family
31:13And not feeling a part of that
31:15And that alienation can make you feel very isolated, very alone
31:18You know, I'm not proud of that person that I am
31:21I shouldn't act that way
31:22And I was taking a good time away from my family by being miserable
31:26I don't want to be that miserable person
31:28When you're with the family and you start to feel that
31:31That's when you need to literally say, Marla, chill out
31:35There's nothing that can't be done afterwards
31:37Nothing
31:38Let's take a look, Marla
31:40At this final clip
31:42I don't want you to do that, you understand me?
31:46Yes
31:47Now you're going to time out
31:49On this wall right here, five minutes
31:52What do we notice right there?
31:54I didn't make the eye contact
31:56I didn't give the warning
31:57Let him know what he did wrong
32:02Say you sorry to me
32:03I can't hear you
32:05Mwah
32:07The cat got your tongue?
32:09Let me see that tongue
32:10Let me see that tongue
32:11I see it in Pakistan
32:13I see it
32:14Oh my word
32:17Not good
32:19Not good
32:21It's like you're begging him
32:23To say he's sorry
32:25You're now having to cuddle him up
32:26And give him these tickles
32:27To get it out of him
32:28It's like
32:29How is that genuine?
32:30And how is it
32:31You laying down the law
32:33And saying
32:34You've broke
32:35The rules
32:36I mean the truth of the matter is, Marla
32:38You've been given techniques and tools
32:40To apply with your family
32:41And if you don't knuckle down
32:43And do the hard work
32:44It's not going to happen
32:46I'm not saying to you
32:47Just write down what the steps are
32:49To discipline and stick it on the fridge
32:51So it can look good with the magnets
32:53Learn it
32:54We've got out all fair and square
32:56That this man needed to step up
32:58What are you doing?
33:00Don't sabotage it
33:02Because if you're too lazy to step up here
33:06Then you'll just spend time negatively
33:08Trying to drag your partner down here
33:10Where you are
33:12And then nothing changes
33:14So
33:15We do need to look at time out
33:17We certainly need to work on
33:19You being
33:20Back
33:21In this family circle
33:22So that you can enjoy
33:23And have fun
33:25So are we still in
33:26At this stage?
33:27No
33:28Still in
33:29Okay, good
33:31Alright
33:35I saw on the DVD
33:36That Marla still wasn't putting in the effort
33:38To do a proper discipline
33:40Because it came up all over again
33:42When Shorty got demanding
33:44Because he wanted dad
33:45To make his milk
33:46Rather than mum
33:47Okay, I'll have daddy make it then
33:48Okay?
33:49He wants the milk to come from you
33:52The milk to come from me?
33:53Mm-hmm
33:54Mama keep making it
33:57He doesn't want it to come from my hands
33:59He only wants it to come from his dad
34:01And it upsets me sometimes
34:02It's up to you to take control of that situation then
34:04And say, mommy's making it
34:06Look, daddy's busy
34:07Daddy's busy
34:08Full stop
34:09If Shorty wants his milk that badly
34:10What do you think he's gonna do?
34:11He's gonna take it
34:12Correct
34:14Yeah?
34:15So you have to support me as well too
34:16Because daddy runs and does it for him
34:18Right?
34:19I'm not trying
34:20I'm just saying you have to be there to support me too
34:22Because mum may have had a point before I arrived
34:25But there's no excuse now
34:26She's just shifting the blame on dad
34:28I'm gonna need to have strong words with mum
34:30Right now, you're finding a thousand excuses
34:35For why you can't step up and do what you're supposed to be doing
34:39And it's not good enough
34:41Because I'm telling you now
34:43When I leave today
34:45You'll be back at square one within two days
34:47You can't go down the same road and expect to see different scenery
34:52So what needs to shift?
34:54I have to change
34:55Correct
34:56Why do you keep going like this?
34:59What is this?
35:00I see you on the side doing this
35:04You're getting tense
35:05I'm getting pissed off
35:06Okay?
35:07And now I can't take it anymore
35:09I feel like you're against me
35:10Oh, you see what I'm talking about?
35:11Oh, you see what I'm saying?
35:12I told you
35:13I told you
35:14It's not that I'm pointing at it
35:15I'm saying, look, this is what we need to do
35:17Let's do this
35:18That's what I'm telling you
35:19And you're saying, oh, I can't change it
35:20I can't do it
35:21Take responsibility for your actions
35:23And stand up and be a woman
35:25Be a mother and say, look, this is what I have to do
35:27Whether it bothers me to death
35:29It's going to bother me to death
35:30But it's going to make my family happy
35:31That's what I'm going to do
35:32That's what you need to do
35:34Hi
35:36Do your homework
35:38Everything I put in this house is for you to look at it
35:42And have it underneath your belt
35:44Quite simple, really, when you break it down
35:46Not always that easy to hear
35:48Joe nailed things right to the point
35:51And it was hurtful
35:52It's hurtful to see the truth
35:53But I know in the long run
35:55It's only for our better
35:58But Mum had one last chance to show me
36:00That she's got some backbone
36:01When Shorty started to kick off again
36:08Pick that up right this second
36:12You do not throw things around, you understand me?
36:14Pick that up
36:15Pick that up
36:16If you do not pick that up
36:17You're going into a time out
36:22Thank you
36:23Mum delivered a warning and it was perfect
36:26Shorty minded her straight away
36:28I think it gave her the confidence to believe
36:30But actually she can do this when I'm gone
36:33All I can say is I will try my best and I can do this
36:37So with time I will become the person that I want to be
36:45Now that Mum's moving in the right direction
36:47What I wanted to do was to get her out with the family
36:50Washing the car
36:51So that she could learn to compose herself
36:53Even if things do get a little bit messy
36:55Okay, what's going to be really fun about this
36:58Is how much fun we actually have
37:01Take your buckets, they won't bite
37:04Babe, just give us
37:05Back up Shorty, back up
37:07Everybody do their bit
37:08And we accomplish what's necessary
37:12Is this what we heard?
37:13We had a great time
37:15We splashed water
37:16We made a mess
37:17You know that's what we needed
37:18Some laughter
37:20Here you go Shorty, in there, in there
37:21Clean it good
37:22Good job
37:23The car wash was fun
37:25But there was a point to it
37:26Everybody in the family has a role
37:28If everybody plays their role
37:30The family will come together
37:31That was the quickest car wash ever
37:33You all do your bit
37:34You come together
37:35And look, you get one clean car
37:41I want to say goodbye to you
37:43Thank you, Super Nanny
37:45So you give me a big kiss
37:47And you give me a big kiss
37:49Mom, I am a Super Nanny
37:51So listen, take care
37:52Been a pleasure
37:53Prisqueast
37:55Jonny
38:00soul
38:02journal
38:05key
38:07hole
38:13clar
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