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Family-Guy-Season 4 Ep20-Patriot-Games-Uncensored.
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00:00All right, all bets are in.
00:02Ooh, Rupert, bad idea trusting the Celtics.
00:05Worse than when I trusted Brian to pack my parachute.
00:22Hey, Brian, care to place a wager?
00:24Tomorrow night on Fox's Celebrity Boxing,
00:26I've got Carol Channing beating Mike Tyson in three rounds.
00:29Carol Channing.
00:30You've got Carol Channing the actress beating Mike Tyson the boxer.
00:34Hell, give me 50 bucks on Tyson.
00:36Yeah, you're in good company.
00:37Betting Freddy took the same wager.
00:39B-b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet, b-bet!
00:42Wait a minute.
00:43There's nothing funny about an addiction.
00:45Vote no on Indian gaming laws.
00:51And we're back with Fox's Celebrity Boxing
00:54with Mike Tyson and Carol Channing.
00:56I tell you, Jim, how Carol Channing outlasted that barrage
00:59in the second round, we'll never know.
01:04Come here, young man.
01:05I'm gonna bop you one.
01:07She's getting beat.
01:12No, she's getting mad.
01:14Eh, you ain't so tough, young man.
01:19Get all you got, you son of a bitch.
01:21You're going down, young man.
01:27You're going down.
01:29I can't believe this.
01:30She keeps getting up.
01:31I'm so exhausted.
01:35And the winner by technical knockout,
01:38weighing in at 67 pounds,
01:40Carol, put on your Sunday clothes, Channing.
01:43Yeah!
01:46Up yours, young people.
01:47You and your rock and roll eight-track tapes.
01:50I don't believe this.
01:51I just lost a $50 bet.
01:53You know, Mike Tyson once beat up his wife.
01:56But there's nothing funny about that.
02:01Hi, guys.
02:02We're back from the mall.
02:03I got new shoes!
02:05The old ones are in the box.
02:08They smell and are old.
02:10Hey, Peter, your 25th High School reunion is next Sunday.
02:13Eh, throw that away.
02:14I don't want to go.
02:16Besides, Sunday's my internet porn night.
02:20Oh, yeah.
02:21You're my Chinese Lois.
02:27Hey, it's me.
02:28Knock, knock.
02:29So, uh, you got, uh, you got my money?
02:32Huh?
02:33Oh, yeah, I'll pay you soon.
02:34Yeah, well, um, here's a suggestion.
02:36Um, have the money by tomorrow,
02:38and there won't be any problems.
02:39Huh?
02:40Yeah, 24 hours.
02:41Why?
02:42What happens in 24 hours?
02:43Eh?
02:44I don't know.
02:45Not psychic, man.
02:46I'm just saying it would probably be better for everybody
02:47if you had the money tomorrow.
02:48Yeah, all right.
02:49I'll see what I can do.
02:50Sweet, sweet, great.
02:52Uh, how's everything else going?
02:53Good.
02:54All right, all right.
02:55See you later.
02:56Don't forget!
02:57Nah, you're not gonna forget.
03:02Hey, Peter, I was going through your garbage,
03:03and I noticed your High School reunion is coming up.
03:05Why were you going through my garbage?
03:06Well, when I stopped over earlier,
03:08I noticed Lois clipping her toenails,
03:09and I thought,
03:10oh, man, I gotta get in on that.
03:11Huh.
03:12Yeah, I don't think I'm going to my reunion.
03:14Everybody's all got their nice cars,
03:16and their big important jobs,
03:18and their fancy hats,
03:19and their fresh strawberries so big
03:21you can eat them like a hand fruit.
03:23Peter, everyone lies at those things.
03:25Just tell them you're a big shot.
03:27Wait a second, Joe.
03:28That's a great idea.
03:29Boy, imagine what it would be like to be a big shot.
03:32Diego!
03:36Sweaty.
03:38Ah, thank you.
03:49Stewie, uh, hey.
03:51Hey there.
03:52So, uh, it's been 24 hours.
03:54Got my money?
03:55Oh, all right.
03:56You know what?
03:57Just give me until next Friday.
03:58I'll have it for you.
03:59Oh.
04:00Oh, that's funny.
04:01I could have sworn I said have it today.
04:02Yeah, I don't have it.
04:03Sorry.
04:04Oh.
04:05Well, all right then.
04:06Mmm, that's good, OJ.
04:07Yeah, that hurt?
04:09That hurt?
04:10What the hell?
04:11Yeah, that don't feel so good, does it?
04:13No, huh?
04:16Yeah, that's what happens, man.
04:18Oh, my God!
04:19Yeah, that's what happens.
04:21Where's my money?
04:23You gonna give me my money?
04:25Where's my money, man?
04:29Where's the money?
04:32Yeah, you like that?
04:33That feel good?
04:34That feel good?
04:37Ah!
04:38Where's the money, man?
04:39Where's my money?
04:40Ah!
04:41Ah!
04:42Ah!
04:43You got till five o'clock.
04:44You hear me?
04:45You got till five o'clock.
04:46You friggin' psychopath!
04:48Uh, clean yourself up.
04:57Peter, this is ridiculous.
04:58Why can't you just be yourself?
04:59Well, let's just go along with it.
05:01Act like I'm a big shot.
05:02Ah.
05:03Hey, Peter Griffin, is that you?
05:05Hey, Mike, long time no see.
05:07Wow!
05:08What, uh, what's all this?
05:10Oh, this?
05:11Oh, I just came from work.
05:12I'm a secret agent astronaut millionaire.
05:14Cool.
05:15Where'd you get the cowboy hat?
05:17Space.
05:18Oh, by the way, this is my friend Tom.
05:20You're Tom Brady from the New England Patriots!
05:23Oh, man, I gotta tell you, you kick ass, man.
05:25In fact, I was just saying that the other day to all the guys down at the brewery.
05:28Brewery?
05:29I thought you were a cowboy astronaut millionaire.
05:31He's a fake!
05:32Look, this cowboy hat comes right off!
05:39Coming here was a huge mistake, Lois.
05:41Peter, I know you're humiliated, but getting drunk is not the answer.
05:45Uh-oh.
05:46Either my esophagus just got shorter or I'm about to throw up.
05:49Peter, that was amazing!
05:59I've never seen a guy your size who could move like that.
06:02How would you like to play for the New England Patriots?
06:04Oh, I'd love to.
06:06Say, listen, uh, Tom, could you get me a towel I threw up on the floor?
06:10Sure.
06:11And could you also get another towel I also threw up on this gentleman's bare lap?
06:15Could you wet the towel?
06:16Wet the towel, Tom?
06:18For our top story tonight, we go live to terrific haircut Bob Costas
06:24as he talks with local man Peter Griffin,
06:26who is living his dream of playing for the New England Patriots.
06:28Bob?
06:29Thanks, Tom.
06:30I'm fond of your hair as well.
06:31I'm standing here with Tom Brady and his newest teammate, Peter Griffin.
06:35Hey, Ma, check it out!
06:36I'm married to a pro athlete!
06:38Ha!
06:39What do you think of that?
06:40Ha ha ha!
06:41We're really excited to have Peter.
06:43I think he's gonna make a great addition to a great team.
06:45I wanna thank God.
06:47Uh, I wanna thank the Lord God.
06:49Uh, cause it's not really up to me.
06:51It's up to him.
06:52Um, and I wanna thank the devil too.
06:54Uh, you know, cause that's, uh, that's why God's there.
06:58He's, uh, he's minding a fence, making sure that guy never comes back.
07:02Uh, you know, if it weren't for the devil, God'd probably go insane, blow his brains out from boredom.
07:08You know?
07:10Everybody likes to feel useful.
07:12Make the world go round.
07:15Back to you, Tom.
07:16Diane, didn't your first husband blow his brains out?
07:18Oh, God!
07:21Uh, uh.
07:22Coming up, America's hottest new curse word, Clemen.
07:25We'll tell you what it means after this.
07:27Boy, Lois, I can't believe this is happening to me.
07:29I'm somebody now, you know?
07:31I-I don't have to lie to people about my life anymore.
07:34Oh, I am so happy for you, Peter.
07:36What the hell happened to you?
07:38I, uh, fell down the stairs.
07:42Oh, you should be more careful.
07:46All right, I'm ready.
07:47Come on.
07:48Good game.
07:49Good game, everybody.
07:50Yeah.
07:51Come on.
07:52Good game.
07:53Let's get out there.
07:54Let's do it.
07:55Yeah, yeah.
07:56Hundred ten percent, everybody.
07:57Hundred ten percent, eh?
07:58Come on, let's go.
07:59Let's go.
08:00Good game.
08:01Ready.
08:02Blue 20.
08:03Blue 20.
08:04Hut, hut.
08:05Griffin, let's go.
08:06Let's go?
08:12Morning.
08:13Good day to you, sir.
08:14Hey, wait a minute.
08:15What the hell?
08:19Getting real tired of you ducking me, man.
08:37Yeah?
08:38Oh, my God.
08:39Getting really tired.
08:41Huh?
08:44Where's my money?
08:45Where's my money?
08:46Where's my money?
08:47Yeah, you got money to pay for fake mustaches, huh?
08:50Yeah.
08:51How much you pay for that fake mustache?
08:53$2.99.
08:54Listen, you just gotta give me more time.
08:59Don't make a fool out of me, man.
09:02Don't make a fool out of me.
09:03I want my money.
09:04I want my money, man.
09:06Stewie, listen, this is crazy.
09:08You got...
09:09Oh, my God.
09:10Ah!
09:11Ah!
09:12Ah!
09:13Ah!
09:14Ah!
09:15Ah!
09:16All right, let's go to the bank.
09:20Well, I gotta tell you, this was a delicious dinner, Mrs. Griffin.
09:23Oh.
09:24Well, the pleasure is all ours, Mr. Brady.
09:26Please, call me Tom.
09:28Ah!
09:30Can I call you Tom, too?
09:31Well, of course.
09:32Mr. Brady, would you please sign my Trapper Keeper?
09:33Oh, Tom, your shirt.
09:34I'm so sorry.
09:35Look, you can use our shower if you want.
09:36No, it's okay.
09:37It's just a little spot.
09:38It'll come out.
09:39Well, that's not gonna come out.
09:40You better take a shower.
09:41Mom, let me look.
09:42Meg, stop shoving!
09:43You wouldn't even know what to do with it.
09:44He's closer to my age, you cow!
09:45What the hell is this?
09:46Oh, hi, Stewie.
09:47We were just leaving.
09:48I say, what the devil is all the fuss about?
09:49I don't get it.
09:50What's in there?
09:51Bing bong!
09:52Hello!
09:53Hello!
09:54Hello!
09:55Hello!
09:56Hello!
09:57Hello!
09:58Hello!
09:59Hello!
10:00Hello!
10:01Hello!
10:02Hello!
10:03Hello!
10:04Hello!
10:05Hello!
10:06Hello!
10:07Hello!
10:08Hey, what's going on?
10:09What the hell?
10:10Get out of here!
10:11Well, we're on the same team.
10:12We shower together.
10:13Yeah, in the locker room.
10:14Yeah!
10:15Stop it!
10:16Nice job!
10:17Are you crazy?
10:18Yeah, we're just a couple of guys messing around.
10:19That's where we are.
10:20Ooh!
10:21Ooh!
10:22Quiet, everybody.
10:23My commercial's on.
10:24Hi, I'm Peter Griffin of the New England Patriots.
10:27I'm here to kick off the touchdown of savings weekend at Wilkins, Hyundai, and Sox.
10:31We will blitz the competition, and in no time, you'll be driving your new Hyundai or Subaru right
10:44to a touchdown!
10:47At Wilkins, Hyundai, and Subaru, we have Hyundais and Subarus.
10:54Mom, the game's about to start.
10:59Where's Dad?
11:00I don't know, Chris, and I'm starting to get worried.
11:03I think all this success might be going to his head.
11:06Do you know he spent $30,000 on a wax sculpture of Harriet Tubman doing Gwyneth Paltrow?
11:12Yeah.
11:13Yeah, that is happening for real.
11:16Yeah.
11:17I'll enjoy that more tomorrow.
11:20Where the hell is Griffin?
11:22It's almost time for kickoff.
11:23Well, I guess we have to start without him.
11:25What do you think, huh?
11:26I got this for doing that car dealership ad.
11:27All right, enough messing around, huh?
11:28Let's play this game.
11:29Let's play some football.
11:30Griffin, I'm getting really tired of your cocky attitude.
11:31How many times have I told you, no showboating?
11:32Relax, Tom.
11:33I'm just having a little fun.
11:34I got it out of control.
11:35Okay, 28, Z right, pitch left.
11:36On one, on one.
11:37Ready?
11:38Break.
11:39Ready.
11:40Green 54.
11:41Green 54.
11:42Set.
11:43Hut.
11:44Ah!
11:45Ah!
11:46Ah!
11:47Ah!
11:48Ah!
11:49Ah!
11:50Ah!
11:51Ah!
11:52Ah!
11:53Ah!
11:54Ah!
11:55Ah!
11:56Ah!
11:57Ah!
11:58Ah!
11:59Ah!
12:00Ah!
12:01Ah!
12:02Ah!
12:03Ah!
12:04Ah!
12:05Ah!
12:06Yeah!
12:07Huh.
12:08There might be some hope for this guy after all.
12:10Yeah!
12:11Damn it, Griffin.
12:13I said no showboating.
12:15This calls for a victory tune.
12:20Now a woman who'll kiss on a very first date is usually a hussy.
12:24And a woman who'll kiss on a second time out is anything but fussy.
12:27But a woman who'll wait till a third time around, head in the clouds, feet on the ground,
12:31She's the girl he's glad he's found.
12:33She's his shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy.
12:37The girl who's hard to get.
12:38Shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy.
12:41But you can't wait her yet.
12:43Walk her once just to raise the curtain.
12:45Walk around twice and you make for certain.
12:47Once more in a flower garden, she will never get sore if you beg a pardon.
12:50Do-re-mi-pa-so-la-si-do-si-la-so-pa-mi-pe-do.
12:56Squeeze her once when she is a-lookin'.
12:57Get her squeezed back, that's fancy cookin'.
12:59Once more for a pepper, but she will never get sore on the way to supper.
13:03Do-re-mi-pa-so-la-si-do-si-do.
13:07Now little old sales and old gal as anyone could see.
13:11Look at her now, she's a girl gal who only goes for me.
13:14Squeeze her once when she is a-lookin'.
13:16Get her squeezed back, that's fancy cookin'.
13:18Once more for a pepper, but she will never get sore on the way to supper.
13:22Do-re-mi-pa-so-la-si-do-si-do.
13:25Shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy.
13:28The girl who's hard to get.
13:30Shippoopy, shippoopy, shippoopy.
13:32But you can't wait her yet.
13:46No, no!
13:53Nooo!
14:01Nooo!
14:37All right. I made a touchdown.
14:40Griffin, you're fired.
14:42For what?
14:43We've had it with your crap.
14:44I talked to the coach, and he's selling your contract to another team.
14:47And the only one that'll take you is the worst football team in Europe,
14:51the London Silly Nannies.
14:58So, Brian, we're even now, right?
15:00Ready to start a new life in England.
15:02I've got my money. Your wounds have healed up nicely.
15:04What do you say we let bygones be bygones, hmm?
15:06You shot me in both my knees, then lit me on fire. Piss off.
15:10All right, all right. I tell you what.
15:12You get one free revenge shot at me.
15:14Okay. But I'm not going to tell you when it's coming.
15:18Ah, this is going to be fun.
15:24Peter, this is crazy.
15:25Isn't there any way the Patriots could let you back on the team?
15:29No, they said the decision was final.
15:31It's all right, Lois. I can make the best of this.
15:32I mean, a British football team can't be that bad.
15:37Uh, excuse me.
15:38Hey there. Hi.
15:39I'm, uh, Peter Griffin.
15:40I'm your new player.
15:42Oh, yes, Peter.
15:43Welcome to the Silly Nannies.
15:44I'm the quarterback, Leslie.
15:45This is our team.
15:46If you marry me, I'll be for you and break for you.
15:52If you marry me, I'll scrub for you and bake for you.
15:55If you marry me, all others are forsake for you.
15:58All this will I do if you marry me.
16:01All this will I do if you marry me.
16:05Oh, crap.
16:06Well, I guess living in a London flat isn't going to be too bad, huh?
16:14Mom, there's no water in the toilet.
16:16First of all, Chris, it's called a loo.
16:19Second, there's no water in it because everybody here just uses Elizabeth Hurley.
16:23All right, well, where is she?
16:24Because I need her now!
16:26You're watching BBC Four.
16:29Previously on Condensation.
16:32Ellen, there's moisture on the outside of my glass.
16:35It's condensation, Johnny.
16:37But what about the fog on the windows?
16:39It's not fog, Johnny.
16:42It, too, is called condensation.
16:44Con-den-sation.
16:49Hey, Peter, how was your first Silly Nannies practice?
16:52It sucked, Lois.
16:53Those Silly Nannies are just a bunch of losers.
16:56Pack your bags.
16:57We're going home.
16:58What, you're just giving up?
16:59Look, Peter, I know you're upset because you blew your opportunity with the Patriots,
17:03but this is your chance to redeem yourself.
17:07Now, I bet if you really tried, you could turn that team around.
17:10You know what, Lois?
17:11When you were talking about that sale at TJ Maxx just now, I came up with an idea.
17:16I am going to turn that team around,
17:18and we'll challenge the Patriots to a game, and we'll kick their ass!
17:23Oh, man, what an attractive woman.
17:27Hello.
17:28Hey, Brady, you're dead!
17:30Listen, Leno, you keep calling here and threatening me.
17:33I'm going to notify the police.
17:34Leno?
17:35No, no, this is Peter Griffin.
17:36I'm calling to challenge you to a grudge match between the Patriots and the London Silly Nannies.
17:41Huh.
17:42Well, Griffin, if you want to embarrass yourself, be my guest.
17:45Good.
17:45What do you say, England two weeks from now?
17:48See you there.
17:51Hello?
17:51Hey, Brady, what kind of suit do you want to be buried in?
17:54Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:03Oh, you kids are going to love this.
18:05England has such a rich heritage of great theater.
18:09Krams it on the Bingham with the Gamcom.
18:11Treach is on the upper with the tram-sag!
18:15Groupers to you, you kramsag lover!
18:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:19See, Roger the Boogly.
18:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:24All right, now listen up, you limey bum sniffers.
18:27If we're going to beat the New England Patriots next week, I've got to toughen you up.
18:31So you're going to get in shape the way American athletes do, by taking steroids.
18:35I say, Jenkins, you give me that dirty look one more time and I have a good mind to get into my PJs and have a pillow fight with you.
18:42Very well, then.
18:43On guard.
18:44Who are you?
18:44I like your girl.
18:47I like yours.
18:56When's the beating going to come, Brian?
18:58Just tell me when it's going to come.
18:59Just do something, anything.
19:01Look, look, I'll do it.
19:02I'll do it first.
19:03Look, look, I'll do it even worse.
19:06Oh, look how hurt I am.
19:08We're even now.
19:15You're going down, Brady.
19:17You're the one who's going down, Griffin.
19:18Ah, what the hell?
19:28Those men are tremendous in stature.
19:30And they're coming straight at us.
19:36We'll take my carriage.
19:41Oh, crap.
19:42Well, I'm still here, you bastards.
19:44So let's do this.
19:51Oh, hey, Brady.
19:53You're going to gloat and call me a loser now?
19:55Actually, Peter, you're not a loser at all.
19:57What you did just now was pretty ballsy.
19:59Really?
20:00Absolutely.
20:01For one guy to stand up to the entire New England Patriots team,
20:05that's a winner in my book.
20:09Wow.
20:10Thanks, Tom Brady.
20:11Peter, oh, my God, are you all right?
20:14Yeah.
20:15Can you move your legs?
20:16Yeah.
20:17Oh, good.
20:18I thought you were going to be a vegetable,
20:20and I got to tell you, Peter,
20:21I just don't think I have it in me.
20:24I mean, if you can't move, it's over.
20:26I love you, too, honey.
20:28Let's go home.
20:30I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too, I love you, too
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