- 2 days ago
Family-Guy-Season 4 Ep04-Dont-Make-Me-Over.
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00:00There's Craig Hoffman!
00:02He's such a rebel.
00:04Oh my god, he is so gorgeous.
00:07And he plays by no one's rules but his own.
00:09Meg, you should ask him out.
00:11I mean, you're the only one of us who's ever had a real boyfriend.
00:15I'm back. I brought another picnic.
00:17You're such a good listener.
00:19You're not like the other boys.
00:23You're so good with animals.
00:25I guess I could give it a try.
00:27Alright, here goes.
00:29Hi, Craig.
00:31Um, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to...
00:34I don't know, go out sometime?
00:36Huh, that's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own.
00:40Which I would never do.
00:41I play by my own rules.
00:43Nobody else's.
00:44Not even my own.
00:45How about a movie?
00:46I don't go out with dudes.
00:51Mom, Dad, am I ugly?
00:53Oh, of course not, sweetie.
00:55Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
00:57Craig Hoffman.
00:58Craig?
00:59Craig Hoffman said that?
01:00Well, he's a sharp kid.
01:01You might be ugly.
01:06Oh, there, there.
01:07Let me dry those tears.
01:10Oh, yes, yes.
01:11Your anguish sustains me.
01:13Meg, honey, don't let those awful kids at school make you feel bad about yourself.
01:17I tell you what.
01:18Tomorrow, you and I are gonna go out and get you some brand new outfits.
01:21Maybe a pair of those lowrider jeans that'll show off your cute butt, huh?
01:25Really?
01:26Wow, thanks, Mom.
01:27Hmm, Megan lowriders.
01:29Enough of that.
01:31Go away, damn you.
01:34Oh, you're going to get it now.
01:38Oh, my God.
01:42Horace, what is this all about?
01:55What the hell's it look like?
01:56I'm putting the bar up for sale.
01:58Oh, please tell me this is some kind of practical joke.
02:00Like the kind I used to play when I was an intern at the hospital.
02:03I'm afraid I have some very bad news.
02:05Your wife's gonna be a vegetable.
02:07You'll have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her the rest of her life.
02:10Oh, my God.
02:11No, no, no.
02:12I'm just kidding.
02:13She's dead.
02:14Ever since that mega mall opened across the street, it's been taking away all my business.
02:18They got 300 stores, 200 restaurants, 53 bars, and an indoor cattle ranch.
02:25I go to Baskin Robbins every night and buy myself a little treat.
02:30Now, how the hell am I supposed to compete with that?
02:32You need to fix the place up.
02:34Reinvent the clams' image, and we'll help you.
02:37That'll take forever.
02:39Not if we do a 1980s fixing stuff up montage.
02:42You got to put one foot in front of the future of the foot down, down, down.
02:58Give it a chance.
03:02I need to have to dance.
03:05Coming to love with the world.
03:11Wow, I think we made it worse.
03:13Boy, I do not envy whoever has to clean that mess up.
03:16Brian, why don't you take Stewie while Meg and I go clothes shopping?
03:22You know, it's awfully dangerous for me to be walking around the mall at my height.
03:26I say, let me get on your back.
03:27Oh, for God's sake.
03:28Strong with the force young Skywalker is.
03:31God, I don't believe this.
03:32That is why you fail.
03:33Oh, what about this, Meg?
03:34A pink baby tee that says, Little Slut.
03:37That seems pretty hip.
03:38I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
03:40Well, they've got one that says Pornstar and another that says Sperm Dumpster.
03:45And they're all written in glitter.
03:46All right, all right.
03:47Give me Sperm Dumpster.
03:48That's the spirit.
03:49You finding everything okay?
03:51Yes, thank you.
03:52Well, you just let me know if you need any...
03:54How do these jeans look?
03:55Ten bucks.
03:56Five bucks.
03:57Eight bucks and I'll do it.
03:58Fine.
03:59Help!
04:00I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement.
04:01Help me!
04:02Ha!
04:03I am so outrageous.
04:04Give me the cash.
04:05Cold in here?
04:06Nope, just really small.
04:07Face it, Mom.
04:08No matter what I wear, I look ugly.
04:10Oh, Meg, you're being... that's... let's try down here.
04:24Coming up next, Joan Rivers speaks to us from beyond the grave.
04:29But first, let's go to the Quahog Mega Mall where Asian correspondent Trisha Takenawa is handing out makeovers.
04:35That's right, Tom.
04:36Some lucky, hideous woman will be transformed by our makeover magicians into someone of value to society.
04:43Meg, that's it.
04:44You could get a makeover.
04:45Oh, that'd be just the thing to boost your confidence.
04:48Miss Takenawa!
04:49Miss Takenawa!
04:50Over here!
04:52Ugh!
04:53My daughter needs a makeover like there's no freakin' tomorrow.
05:00It looks like we've got a winner, Tom.
05:05Face it.
05:06The clam is doomed.
05:07Oh, come on, guys.
05:08We can't give up now.
05:09Oh, Peter.
05:10We've tried every theme we could think of and everything's failed.
05:14Especially that coyote ugly theme.
05:24Ah, it's no use.
05:25This place is finished.
05:26Quagmire, go get the for sale sign.
05:30Hey, Horace, what the hell's this?
05:31Eh, it's a karaoke machine.
05:33I never got around to installing it.
05:35A karaoke machine?
05:36Wait a minute, that's it.
05:37We'll turn this place into a karaoke bar.
05:39Oh, man, that's the best idea since they faked the moon landing.
05:43Okay, cut.
05:49Wow!
05:50Neil Armstrong!
05:51Hey, wait a minute.
05:52You're supposed to be on the moon.
05:53I just saw it on TV.
05:54Oh, there's a tape delay and solar winds.
06:07Peter, take a look at your daughter.
06:13Oh, my God, Lois, I'm sorry.
06:14It was 20 years ago.
06:15I'd never even heard the word rubber.
06:17Peter, this is Meg.
06:18Oh.
06:19I got a makeover, Dad.
06:21Don't I look great?
06:22Oh, Meg, honey.
06:23I always thought you were beautiful just the way...
06:25Oh, God.
06:28Couldn't do that with a straight face.
06:30Welcome to the family, sweetheart.
06:33Chris, go burn all Meg's old pictures.
06:36There's got to be a morning after
06:40We're moving closer to the shore
06:46I know we'll be there by tomorrow
06:56And we'll escape the darkness
06:59We won't be searching anymore
07:03Thank you very much.
07:05I don't understand it.
07:06This place should be jumping.
07:08Well, we just need to kick it up a notch.
07:10Horace, hit it.
07:13Just a small town girl
07:16Living in a lonely world
07:20She took the midnight train going anywhere
07:27Oh, Peter, don't make me do that
07:28Just a city boy
07:32Born and raised in South Detroit
07:35He took the midnight train going anywhere
07:42Oh, God, I love this song
07:45And I love it when amateurs sing the lyrics
07:48But I hate baseball cards
07:51Some will win
07:53Some will lose
07:55Some are born to sing the blues
07:59Oh, the movie never ends
08:02It goes on and on and on and on and on and on
08:10Hey, that's Journey
08:11Kick ass!
08:12Howard!
08:15That is Journey
08:17Streetlight people!
08:27Get some! Get some!
08:32Guys, we were freakin' electric!
08:34Yeah, they loved us!
08:35Gentlemen, this is a sign
08:37We are gonna start our own rock band
08:40Huh? Who's with me?
08:41I'm in!
08:42I'm in!
08:43I'm in!
08:44Looks like the guys are gonna form a rock band
08:46Maybe they'll learn a little something
08:47Stick around, you just might learn something too
08:50Hey, hey, hey!
08:51Hey, hey, hey!
08:58Uh, you know, Peter, just because you guys entertained a bunch of drunken idiots at a karaoke bar
09:02Doesn't mean you have what it takes to form a band
09:04Oh, Brian, you're just ants at a picnic
09:06We're gonna be awesome!
09:07Wait, what am I?
09:08I'm ants at a picnic?
09:10Is that what you just said?
09:12I just... I'm ants at a picnic
09:14Alright, just making sure
09:15Yeah, hey, sorry I'm late, fellas
09:17Oh, cool, Glenn, you look just like Tommy Lee
09:20Well, I figured it'd be appropriate since I just found out I got hepatitis
09:23You know, maybe we should have decided on outfits that matched
09:26Now we all look like a bunch of queers
09:28Fellas, it doesn't matter what you wear
09:30As long as you play kick-ass rock and roll and do this with your tongue
09:33Am I right, Gene?
09:34You got that right, Pete
09:41Oh, my
09:42Hi, Gene, I didn't know you were here
09:45Alright, alright, keep it in your mouth, Rockstar
09:50Wow, great job getting hot, Meg
09:54Gee, thanks
09:55Hey, Meg
09:56Oh, hi, Craig
09:57Now that you're attractive, how about we go out sometime?
10:00Gosh, I'd love to
10:01Great, I'll pick you up whenever I feel like it
10:03Hey, Meg, we noticed Craig Hoffman just asked you out
10:07That makes you cool, wanna hang out with us?
10:09Wow, sure
10:10Hey, I'm here to pick you up
10:12Here we are, fellas, our first major gig
10:17Peter, this is a house of corrections
10:19Hey, you gotta start somewhere, fellas, that's how you evolve
10:22Like when the Tin Man found out he was gay
10:24Oh, oh, look what happened by accident
10:43I hear there's a lot of buzz about this band
10:46Yeah, there was a pretty positive review carved in Tony's ass
10:49Alright, kids, now everyone stay together
10:51It's very important to your father that we're here for his band's first performance
10:55The people who beat you are proud to present all the way from Quahog
10:59Fat, Horny, Black, and Joe
11:02Hello, Cleveland
11:05Hello, Peter
11:07One, two, three, four
11:11Oh, my God, we don't know any songs
11:13You son-
11:14Get off the stage
11:17What are we doing?
11:18I know what I'm doing, I'm getting out of here
11:19Giggity, giggity, giggity, gone
11:22Uh, hey, how about a funny story about Lake Wobegon
11:26It was the day of the Tuna Hot Dish Jamboree
11:30Oh, no, kids, your father's in trouble
11:32I'm going up there
11:33I'm coming too, Mom
11:35Oh, my God
11:36The guy behind me braided my hair
11:40Chris, grab a guitar
11:42Brian, take the drums
11:43Here, Stewie, play with this
11:44Mom, can we please just get out of here?
11:48Oh, my God
11:50Who is she?
11:51God, I could strangle her all night long
11:54Boy, that's not healthy, is it, that that's the first place I go to?
11:58Hit it!
11:59Cloudy skies and rain clouds have come to stay
12:05Windy nights and sad sights won't go away
12:10La la la la la la
12:12But I wanna be without a care
12:17Unicorns and butterflies everywhere
12:22Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna buy me a rainbow
12:33Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna wrap it up in a great big bowl
12:39The time is right, it's day, not night
12:42Just open up your heart, it'll be alright
12:48Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna buy me a rainbow
12:53Buy me a rainbow
12:54Rainbow!
12:55Yeah!
12:58Yeah!
13:02You guys were great
13:03My name's Jimmy Iovine and I'd like to make you filthy rich rock stars
13:07Wow, you're the chairman of Interscope Records
13:09What are you doing in prison?
13:10Uh, I stomped a cat to death
13:12Listen, you guys got talent
13:14Well, where do we shine?
13:15Right here, on Tony's butt cheek
13:18Ah!
13:19And initial here
13:20Ah!
13:21And here
13:22Ah!
13:23And date
13:24Ah!
13:25Oh, crap, today's the 17th
13:27Ah!
13:32Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna
13:34Buy me a rainbow
13:36Buy me a rainbow
13:38Rainbow!
13:41How was that, Dr. Diddy?
13:43Yo, that sounded smooth, y'all
13:45I just have a cub-
13:47Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
13:48Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
13:48Oh, oh, oh! Oh-oh God. Oh God!
13:49I'm so sorry I keep doing that
13:51Oh, God, please-
13:52Please forgive me
13:53I get that from my father
13:54He's from a different generation
13:55It's, uh-
13:56Whatever, man
13:57We cool? We good?
13:59Yeah, we cool, fine
14:03Um, Mr. Doctor
14:04If you get shot in a rap feud
14:06Can you perform surgery on yourself?
14:09Well, no, Chris
14:10My degree is in Optometry
14:12All right, Dr. Diddy. I got three choices for you for the name of the band Peter Griffin Starship Peter Griffin and the Sunday Steppers or
14:20Testicular Sound Express. I think the name is Meg me. Why? Yeah, why? Let me explain something to you
14:27All right, we got to get her half naked and put her out front center stage
14:31And that's gonna make y'all billionaires because America loves hot white jailbait ass. Wait a minute
14:38That's the smartest thing I've ever heard anyone say about anything
14:43I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Meg being exploited that way. Shut up mom. It's not your decision
14:49I want to be exploited. Meg, don't you talk to me like that. Look Lois
14:53I love meal ticket just as much as I love Chris and Stevie, but business is business. So let's get this show on the road, huh?
14:59Good. Now I just need you to sign
15:00Oh god, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh my god, that is not me. That's not who I am. I vote Democrat
15:08It will not happen again. We cool. We good
15:11You, uh, you guys know I have no problem with black people, right?
15:18Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, sure.
15:19I don't know. You did say you hated Crooklyn
15:22Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna buy me a rainbow
15:26Gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna wrap me up in a great big bow
15:33Hey doc, you, uh, got a minute? What you want, dog?
15:45Uh, yeah, so, uh, hey, uh, check it out. Uh, Stewie and I have been, uh, working on some, uh, stuff of our own
15:50And, uh, we thought there might be a place for us to sing on the next album
15:53Hey, uh, cool. You're busy. No sweat
15:57Boy, Benson was a funny show
16:02I'll talk to you later
16:06Well, what did he say?
16:08He said he'd think about it. Okay, so, uh, where were we?
16:10Uh, okay. I want to have intercourse with you
16:14Uh, ooh, yeah, intercourse with you
16:18Relations
16:19Intercourse with you, hoo, hoo, hoo, right?
16:23Yeah, no, great. That sounds good
16:24All right, all right, yeah, groovy, groovy
16:26Now, uh, is there a shorter word for intercourse?
16:29Lois, go grab me another bag of Skittles
16:31Excuse me, young lady?
16:32Did I freaking stutter?
16:34I said more Skittles
16:36All right, that is it, Meg
16:38You know, ever since you got that makeover, you've developed a terrible attitude
16:41And all the success with the family band is only making it worse
16:44The family band?
16:47You know, maybe you haven't noticed, Lois, but I am the band
16:51Right, Miss Swan?
16:52Oh, yeah, she band
16:53Old lady jealous
16:55Peter, we have to do something
16:58We're losing our daughter
16:59I'm worried about what's happening to her
17:01Lois, Lois, this is the kind of thing that always resolves itself if you just ignore it
17:05All right?
17:06And what's more important is we're living a sweet life
17:08Huh?
17:09This is even more fun than when I performed at the White House
17:11Mr. President, I present to you, Peter Griffin
17:14Okay, listen up, everybody
17:31I got great news
17:32Meg, you and your family are gonna perform on Saturday Night Live
17:37You mean I'm gonna get to meet John Belushi and Gilda Radner and Phil Hartman and Chris Farley and Horatio Sands?
17:43Sweet!
17:47Wow, Saturday Night Live
17:50I can't think of anything more exciting
17:52Oh, my God, a water fountain!
17:58Hey, Meg, I'm Jimmy Fallon
18:02It's great to finally meet you
18:04I'm hosting
18:05Hey, why don't you come hang out in my dressing room?
18:09What are you looking at?
18:10Nothing
18:10Come on, let's go
18:12Peter, I'm worried about Meg
18:14She's spiraling out of control
18:16I mean, what if she develops a Coke problem?
18:18No Coke!
18:19Pepsi!
18:20Oh, come on!
18:22You set me up for that one!
18:28Wow, Jimmy
18:28That was everything Ladies Home Journal said it would be
18:32Awesome!
18:33Great!
18:33Thanks!
18:34Um, you know, there's something I
18:36There's something I gotta tell you
18:38Being with you just made me feel so alive
18:41From New York, it's Saturday Night!
18:43It's Saturday Night Live!
18:48Oh, my God
18:49Yeah, that wasn't a very good opening sketch, was it?
18:52A rare miss
18:53I don't think that was a sketch, Peter
18:55Mom, Dad, you used me for comedy
18:59Wait a minute
19:00Are you telling me that my daughter was deflowered
19:02In front of one and a half times the mad TV audience?
19:05Oh, my poor baby
19:06My God, Lois, you were right
19:08Why the hell didn't I see it coming?
19:10All right, stand aside
19:12It's about time I did my fatherly duty
19:14I said duty
19:16But no time to laugh about it now
19:18Hey, everybody
19:20It's great to be back
19:22So, we got a great show tonight
19:24And, uh
19:24Hey, Fallon
19:25Say goodnight, you bum
19:27And this is for laughing and looking at the camera
19:30During every sketch you've ever been in
19:32Who do you think you are, Carol Burnett?
19:34You think because she did it, it's okay for you?
19:37You haven't earned what she's earned, buddy
19:39All right, now where's the guy who slept with my daughter?
19:45I'm so glad to be the real me again
19:47It's too much work being beautiful
19:48Not for me, but it's good to have you back, Pumpkin
19:52Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do
19:54Uh, listen, thanks, everybody
20:01I had a great time tonight
20:02Uh, I want to thank Jimmy Fallon for being such a good sport
20:05Uh, Lois, Meg, Stewie, Brian, Chris
20:08Uh, the guys from the prison
20:10Uh, Counting Crows
20:11Uh, if I'm forgetting anybody, I'm sorry
20:13Goodnight, everybody
20:14I thought you were with you, Chevy
20:16From the world-famous Apollo Theater in Harlem
20:24It's showtime at the Apoph...
20:27What?
20:29I'm tired
20:30It has nothing to do with the fact that it's a black show
20:32What, I can't be tired at one in the morning?
20:35Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar
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