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Family-Guy-Season 4 Ep11-Peters-Got-Woods-Uncensored.
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00:00And now back to Old People Agree with Arnold Palmer.
00:03Tomato soup, grilled cheese, and a weak cup of tea is the best lunch in my book.
00:09He's right.
00:09I enjoy things I remember.
00:11Peter, I'm off to my book club.
00:13Don't forget you have to go to the PTA meeting.
00:15Me go to a PTA meeting?
00:17What are you, high?
00:18Not anymore.
00:19I crashed hours ago.
00:20By the way, we're out of chips, cookies, and funny bones.
00:22Now I'm going to my book club, and you are going to the meeting.
00:25Hey, Brian, how about you go to that meeting for me, huh?
00:28Yeah, I don't think so.
00:30Oh, come on, buddy.
00:31You owe me, huh?
00:32You remember what I did for you last week?
00:35Sighing softly to the river comes the loving breeze
00:41Setting nature all a-quiver
00:44Rustling through the trees
00:47Through the trees
00:49All right, I'll go.
01:00Swagmire, what are you doing here?
01:03You don't have kids.
01:04Don't be so sure, Brian.
01:06I've slept with chicks all over the world.
01:07Who knows?
01:08I could have kids in their 20s.
01:09What are you doing here?
01:28I got roped into this by Peter.
01:36Wow, that's a lovely color.
01:39Your dress is a...
01:41The color of your dress is...
01:42I like that.
01:43You're very pretty.
01:44Oh, thank you.
01:45I'm the 11th grade history teacher, Miss Parks.
01:47Oh, like Rosa Parks.
01:48Or, you know, someone white named Parks.
01:51Nothing cuter than a nervous white dog.
01:57Well, I'm Brian, and gosh, if I'm not being too forward,
02:02it's lovely to meet you, Miss Parks.
02:03Oh, please, call me Shawna.
02:06Shawna, Shawna.
02:13So, Brian, you ready to go play some dads at the clam?
02:15Ah, sorry, Peter.
02:16I can't make it tonight.
02:17I have a date.
02:19Dad!
02:19But you were supposed to drive tonight.
02:21What am I supposed to do?
02:23If I drive, I'll have to have a bunch of drinks first,
02:25because I am very self-conscious about my driving.
02:27Oh, you've got a date.
02:29What's his name?
02:29Ha!
02:30Did you see that?
02:31Did you see what I did?
02:31I made it seem as though you were a homosexual.
02:34That's funny to me.
02:35How exciting, Brian.
02:37So, who's the lucky lady?
02:38Well, actually, her name is Shawna Parks.
02:41Meg's teacher?
02:42Yeah, we really hit it off.
02:44She's great.
02:45Oh, Brian on a date, hmm?
02:46That'll be more pathetic than that game of Marco Polo
02:49I played with Helen Keller.
02:50Marco?
02:52Marco?
02:54Marco?
02:57Marco?
02:59Marco?
03:01Marco?
03:03Marco?
03:04Marco?
03:05Marco?
03:07Marco?
03:12I don't know.
03:13I mean, I think I want to have kids someday.
03:15Oh, I love kids.
03:16I just love them.
03:18I can't get enough of those little buggers.
03:20Let me tell you.
03:21You know, it's like I tell the other volunteers down at the adoption center.
03:25My God, you know, if I could just take all the orphans in the world
03:29and just, you know, buy a farm somewhere and let them all run free.
03:33You know?
03:34Just let them do little macaroni art pictures of their dead parents.
03:38So, uh, what's it like to work at a high school?
03:41Oh, Brian, I just love it.
03:42Working at James Woods High is great.
03:44You know, I've always wondered why they named it after James Woods, you know?
03:47I mean, there's got to be somebody more deserving.
03:49Like, just, you know, off the top of my head, uh, I don't know,
03:52Sidney Poitier, uh, Reggie Jackson, Martin Luther King.
03:56Uh, you know, those are just three names that come to mind.
03:59Brian, that's a great idea.
04:01We should get them to rename the school after Dr. King.
04:03You like Dr. King, because I love Dr. King.
04:06I love MLK, man.
04:08He's, he's my guy.
04:10He's, he's, I mean, I love all black people.
04:12That's, you know, I mean, if, if I, if I could take all the black people in the world
04:16and just, you know, just buy a farm somewhere and, and let them all, uh,
04:20whoa, you know what?
04:21That, uh, actually, that didn't really come out right.
04:23Brian, relax.
04:24I'm having a great time.
04:25You don't have to try so hard.
04:27Great, great.
04:27Because, you know, I'm, I'm not okay with slavery, just so we're clear.
04:30I mean, if, if I, if I was offered a slave, I, I, I'd say no.
04:36Oh, by the way, Bonnie, we just finished reading The Da Vinci Code at my book club.
04:40You were right.
04:41It's terrific.
04:42Oh, let me guess.
04:43Some flowery 300-page menopausal masturbatory aid.
04:47Oh, I loved it.
04:48Oh, and the chapters are only about two pages long, so you feel really smart when you read it.
04:53Take it outside, Lois.
04:56Good night, sweetie.
04:57Oh, yes, just as I thought.
05:01France, art, murder.
05:04Well, this is a bigger surprise than that time Peter vanished into thin air.
05:08Hey, Stewie, peek-a-boo.
05:10Yes, I see you, fat man.
05:12Where's Daddy?
05:12What?
05:13Where did you go?
05:14Oh, this is impossible.
05:15I, I can hear you, but I can't see.
05:18Really, must really be gone.
05:20Peek-a-boo.
05:21Ah, how the hell did you do that?
05:23Look, I thought you disappeared, otherwise I wouldn't have picked mine.
05:26Oh, great, leave when I'm right in the middle of a sentence.
05:31Hey, there you are, Brian.
05:32We're all set for tonight, right?
05:34Oh, uh, tonight's no good, Peter.
05:35I have another date with Shawna.
05:36Oh, come on, again?
05:38Well, fine, Brian.
05:39If that girl's more important to you than me, then I guess I'll have to find a new best pal.
05:45Boy, Barney, it's sure been great hanging out with you.
05:49I've enjoyed it, too, Peter.
05:50Hey, you almost done into John, because we're late for dads.
05:53All done, Peter.
05:55You think you have a crap job.
06:05I don't need Brian to watch TV with.
06:07I got you, Meg.
06:09Hey, hey, what's that?
06:10What's that?
06:11Is that a dog?
06:12Is that another dog on a TV?
06:13Huh?
06:13You see that?
06:14Go get it.
06:15Go get it.
06:16Yeah, what's that?
06:17What's that?
06:18What's that?
06:18Oh, what's that?
06:19Who's there?
06:20Is there somebody at the door?
06:21Somebody at the door?
06:23Huh?
06:23Somebody at the door?
06:24Huh?
06:24What are you going to do about it?
06:25What are you going to do about it?
06:26What are you going to do about it?
06:28I'm not a dog, you fat bastard!
06:34Wow, Stewie, you're up early.
06:36I'm up still.
06:37I've been reading all night.
06:39Hey, hang on, Lois.
06:39Hang on, hang on, hang on.
06:41Well, I loved this book.
06:45Nothing like a good story to recharge your batteries.
06:47Hey, everybody, check this out.
06:52This is wonderful.
06:54Look at this, Peter.
06:56200 die in train derailment.
06:58Oh, God, Lois, that is just morbidly obese.
07:02No, no, Peter, right here.
07:03I mentioned to Shawna that they ought to change the name of James Woods High to Martin Luther King Jr., and she really ran with it.
07:09The school board is voting on it tomorrow.
07:11Congratulations, Brian.
07:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:14Wait, wait, wait, wait.
07:14You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off to high school?
07:17Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
07:19That's crazy.
07:20You going to name the school after the star of Space 1999?
07:23No, that's Martin Landau.
07:25Oh, the guy who played Sheneney?
07:26That's Martin Lawrence.
07:27The drunk crooner?
07:28That's Dean Martin.
07:29The drink that's best served on the rocks?
07:30Martini and Rossi.
07:31The guy on the West Wing?
07:32Martin Sheen.
07:32The guy from Platoon?
07:33Charlie Sheen.
07:34No, no, the other guy from Platoon.
07:35Uh, uh, uh...
07:36Come on.
07:37Uh, uh, Willem Dafoe.
07:38Now, it's Tom Berenger.
07:40We were looking for Tom Berenger.
07:42Well, thanks for playing, Brian.
07:43I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
07:45Oh, that's okay.
07:45I had a lot of fun.
07:46I'm a big fan of the show.
07:47Wait a minute!
07:49Peter, Martin Luther King was an inspiration to an entire generation.
07:53He was a driving force behind the Civil Rights Movement.
07:56Lois, we're talking about Rhode Island's own James Woods here.
07:58He's a hero in these parts, huh?
08:00Use your head, Peter.
08:01You're acting like an idiot.
08:02Oh, yeah?
08:03Well, I don't like the way you've been acting lately.
08:04And I think it has a lot to do with that woman you've been spending so much time with.
08:07Why don't you just mind your own damn business, Peter?
08:10Will you guys stop fighting, please?
08:13What's wrong with Meg?
08:14Oh, nothing.
08:15It's just her time of the month.
08:17Not again.
08:18Well, Mr. Griffin, your arguments for the school's name change are quite compelling.
08:33Brian, I think you did it.
08:35Oh, amen.
08:36By the way, I just want to remind everybody to put their email address on the list in the back there
08:41so we can send you our quarterly newsletter.
08:44It's chock full of goings-on around the school.
08:47It's got a word jumble.
08:49A little hint.
08:50All the answers have to do with something here at the school.
08:53Yes, I'm sure we're all looking forward to that.
08:55Now, unless there's any objection, I move that the board pass this measure.
08:59I've got an objection, and so does this man.
09:04James Woods!
09:05I don't believe it.
09:06Hi, how are you?
09:07Hello, everyone!
09:08He brought James Woods here?
09:10What the hell is he doing?
09:11Believe me, Peter does stupid things all the time.
09:13That's why he got fired from that airline.
09:16Coffee for you, Captain Griffin?
09:17Thank you, stewardess.
09:18Um, hey, where are we right now?
09:21Uh, on an airplane?
09:24No.
09:24This room.
09:25What is this room called?
09:27The flight deck?
09:28No.
09:29Control room?
09:31No.
09:33Cockpit?
09:33Oh, God, I told you I'd get her to say it.
09:40Oh, God.
09:43All right, go on.
09:44Get out of here.
09:45Look, I came as soon as Peter contacted my website.
09:48Let me just say, I'm all in favor of renaming the school after Dr. King.
09:52What?
09:53Wow, a big star and yet so humble.
09:56James Woods High School, it remains.
09:58What?
09:58You can't be serious.
09:59Yes.
10:00Oh, this is more exciting than that time I got to ride the washing machine.
10:03Man, what a great launch, Lois.
10:17Thank you so much for having me over.
10:19Well, it's not often we get to meet celebrities.
10:21Yeah, except when I was Christina Aguilera's manager.
10:25Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
10:33Okay, let me just go ahead and stop you right there.
10:35You sound terrible.
10:37All right?
10:37You do this thing, which is just, you know, what the hell is that?
10:41I mean, hey, and you look like if I touched you, you'd be sticky, and frankly, you smell bad.
10:46You're pretty much offensive to all five senses.
10:48That's only four.
10:49Well, actually, you know when you smell something, and it gets stuck in there, and you can sort of taste it?
10:54Yeah, well, I'm tasting you right now, and it tastes awful.
10:57Truly disgusting, like salty garbage.
11:00Yeah, I totally taste it.
11:03Oh, Brian, there you are. Look who's here for lunch.
11:06Oh, hello, Mr. Woods. Peter tells me you're in films.
11:09Peter, could I talk to you in the living room?
11:12I can't believe you went to that much effort just to sabotage me.
11:16You're a jerk, you know that?
11:17Listen, at least I wasn't trying to change the name of the school to impress my girlfriend.
11:21Now, that is not true.
11:22Oh, yeah? Well, then why'd you pick Martin Luther King, eh?
11:25Why not Ronald Reagan? He was always fun, especially in his later years.
11:29Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. Tear it down.
11:34Reagan smash. Reagan smash.
11:42What's that?
11:43Oh, it's just Reagan. Just leave him alone. He'll tire himself out.
11:46Reagan sleepy.
11:49You're an ass, you know that?
11:50You're just jealous because I'm hanging around with someone else.
11:52Hey, I don't care, man. Girls are stupid anyway.
11:54Well, fine. Then maybe I'll go see her right now.
11:56Fine! I'll just hang out with James Woods.
11:59Well, Peter, thanks for lunch.
12:01Guess I'll be heading back to old L.A. now.
12:03Are you leaving?
12:04Oh, man, I thought maybe you could stick around and, you know, maybe you and me could be pals.
12:08Ah, you mean just hang around like regular people?
12:11Regular people, sure, yeah.
12:12Ah, that does sound appealing. That's... You know what? I... Hey, I'm gonna check back into my hotel.
12:18Oh, screw that. You'll stay with me right here. Come on, we'll have a camp out in the yard.
12:22Wicked cool.
12:23His sweater was neatly folded on the grave, so he went back to the car and the severed hook was hanging from the door handle because the calls were coming from inside the house.
12:35Ooh!
12:37Ooh, that's a scary story, Peter.
12:40It's almost as scary as...
12:42Boo!
12:42Ha-ha-ha!
12:45Boy, James Woods, you're the best friend a guy could ever have.
12:49I feel the same way about you, Peter.
12:51Someone to care for, to be there for, I have James Woods.
13:02Someone to do for, model through for, you have James Woods.
13:09Someone to share joy or despair with, whichever betides you.
13:16Life becomes a chore, unless you're living for, someone to tend to, be a friend to, I have James Woods.
13:30Someone to strive for, do or die for, you have James Woods.
13:39It's true.
13:41We, too.
13:43Have a likewise point of view.
13:46Because James Woods has you.
13:50And I have James Woods, too.
13:53Shawna?
13:58Shawna?
13:59Ryan, over here.
14:00I couldn't save your seat.
14:02I know I'm late, I apologize.
14:03Hello, fellow moviegoer.
14:05Sorry, I couldn't get him to move.
14:07Where have you been?
14:08Oh, I just had it out with Peter.
14:09Would you like some corn?
14:11I brought it from home.
14:12Peter?
14:12You're not still friends with that idiot after what he did.
14:15Well, I mean, that may be a little harsh.
14:18I'm not going to avoid Peter like the drunk chick at a party.
14:20I just smoked the wrong side of a cigarette.
14:24Who wants to go swimming?
14:26Oh, this song is about me.
14:30Look, Brian, Peter is a jerk.
14:32And as far as I'm concerned, it's either him or me.
14:35Shawna, come on.
14:36Why do you want to play a brother like that?
14:38I think I have my answer.
14:39You know what?
14:40I will have some of that.
14:42What the hell is this?
14:44Cream corn.
14:45I brought it from home because I don't like the cream corn they have here.
14:49It's too crunchy.
14:53Peter, I'm sorry.
14:54I was a jerk.
14:55Let's be friends again.
14:56Okay.
14:57Peter, can I talk to you for a second?
14:59What is it, Brian?
15:00Listen, I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us.
15:03And I figure, I don't know, I thought maybe we could be friends again.
15:06Huh?
15:07What do you say, huh?
15:08I kind of miss sleeping at the foot of your bed.
15:09I don't think so.
15:11Oh, come on.
15:11Can't we just go back?
15:13I tried to tell you.
15:15This is my spot now, Brian.
15:17Oh, I see.
15:24Look, Lois, Lois, look, look, look.
15:27He's dreaming, he's running.
15:34Okay, James, you ready?
15:36Now catch it in your mouth like Brian.
15:37James, you got to bite down.
15:41I got a question, Peter.
15:43Uh, motivation.
15:44What's, uh, what is my motivation?
15:45Just throw it back to me.
15:46You know what?
15:47This is boring.
15:48I got a better idea.
15:49James, uh, do we really have to watch Videodrome?
15:52Yeah, I think you're really gonna appreciate all the subtle nuances of my performance.
15:56Shh.
15:56Oh, see, for example, see how even though this other guy is talking, your eye is drawn to me.
16:01Oh, yeah, that's, uh, that's, that's neat.
16:03Um, is there gonna be any nudity?
16:05Yes, I, uh, I get naked.
16:09You know, it's bad enough that Peter and I were fighting, but ever since he met James Woods, it's like I don't even exist.
16:15You really care about a man who used to try and pick up girls at the Miss USA pageant?
16:20Hey, how's it going?
16:21I'm Peter.
16:22You wanna go out sometime?
16:23Maybe get a Saturday night free?
16:25Yeah, yeah, you know what?
16:25To hell with you, then.
16:26Yeah, go to hell.
16:27Go to hell.
16:28Hey, I'm Peter.
16:29And what do you say you and me go get a couple beers, huh?
16:31Maybe we could, ah, fine.
16:32You know what?
16:33You got mosquito bite boobs anyway.
16:34I don't care.
16:35I don't care.
16:35I don't need you.
16:36Hey, how are you?
16:37I'm Peter.
16:38I got a coupon for Sizzler with your name on it.
16:40You know, maybe the two of us get your eye.
16:42You know what?
16:42I don't care.
16:43You're a bitch.
16:43Well, Brian, I know you're upset now, but if there's anything I've learned in this life,
16:47it's that you can't let the little things...
16:49Hey!
16:50Hey!
16:50Where's my money?
16:52Don't you walk out on me!
17:02Hey.
17:03Hey.
17:04So, ah, where's your good buddy James Woods?
17:07Eh, turns out he wasn't very good at catching stuff with his mouth.
17:10Where's your girlfriend?
17:11Ah, same problem.
17:13James?
17:28James, uh, what, uh, what are you doing here?
17:32What's going on?
17:33Hello, Peter.
17:34Would you like some cold roast beef?
17:37Uh, I, what do you mean?
17:39I don't know, Peter. I had this crazy idea that you and I were supposed to have dinner tonight.
17:45But I guess you had other plans, huh?
17:47Well, you know, Brian and I were just at the clan.
17:49Oh, that's fun. That sounds like you had a fun time.
17:53And where would I fit in with the fun time, huh?
17:56Where does James Woods fit into the fun, you fucker?
18:00Look, James, you're acting kind of weird.
18:02I'll act however I want to act, you son of a bitch!
18:06I'm sorry, Peter. I didn't mean that.
18:07Boy, I haven't been this creeped out since I saw that episode of Star Trek.
18:14Number one.
18:15Yes, Captain.
18:15Let me ask you something.
18:17If I whispered in your ear that Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny, would you join me in a laugh?
18:22Yeah, I could get in on that.
18:24All right, here it comes.
18:26Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny.
18:32You can both suck my ridges.
18:34Oh, get a sense of humor, Rocky Dennis.
18:37Boy, I tell you, Brian, James Woods has been getting kind of obsessive ever since you and me started hanging out again.
18:42Yeah, how are you going to handle that?
18:44We gotta come up with some crazy scheme like the kids on that 70s show.
18:49And I think I got it.
18:51All right, that's the last of the Reese's Pieces.
19:07Good.
19:08Now we wait.
19:10Peter?
19:11Man, I hope that's James Woods, because if it's me under there again, I'm going to be really pissed off.
19:38Ah, it's good to have you back in that spot, Brian.
19:43It's good to be back, Peter.
19:45By the way, what'd you end up doing with James Woods?
19:47Don't worry, Brian.
19:48He's being examined by top men.
19:50Who?
19:50Top men.
19:52¶¶
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