Creepiest Ladies Ever

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to call-in with stories of times they encountered a Buffalo Brenda or creepy women in general.

Transcript

00:00So what was your Buffalo Brenda encounter? The creepiest lady you've ever encountered.

00:10Of course, we can't do a topic here on the Dave and Chuck the Freak Show without somehow

00:13tying into poop. So here's a couple of tests. I once dated a woman that would only give me

00:17a Billy Joel when I was on the toilet taking a dump, which is the classic Lumpkin. The

00:22Blumpkin. And then this is a similar, I don't know, okay, weirder than that or not, you

00:27guys decide. Had to stop seeing a girl because if I went poop, she'd sit outside the door.

00:32I could hear her sniffing in the fumes of the poopy air. No. And then she asked if she could

00:38wipe my butt for me. One time I let her. Wait, one time I let her. Yeah. She didn't use toilet

00:45paper. She just used her hand. Scrape that out. Get it. Are you making me feel weird? Man.

00:53Oh, man. Oh, this show is weird. I don't even like listening to this. So what did she do?

01:04She just had it. Scrape it out, right? She scraped it off and then it was on her and she

01:08just. I don't know, Chuck. I don't know. The more I think about it, the more it disturbs

01:15me. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's a hundred percent. She likes the smell. Scat. Yeah. You're into it. I

01:24mean, it's on you, you know? All right. Back to the phones here and Velcro. Not that weird.

01:30Hey, boys and girls. How you doing? I'm good. I'm going to try to make this real quick. The

01:36setting was in Florida. I was at a house with a group of friends and this chick and her boyfriend

01:41shows up. She walks into the other bedroom, walks out and she's butt naked, steals this

01:48guy's stick knife off of his plate. This pierce comes back, steps on the couch, wiggles a little

01:55bit and drops a stick knife out of her vagina, back onto his plate. And she also kept a bag

02:01of her boyfriend's ball skin and hair around her neck. What? Ball skin? What do you mean

02:09ball skin? How'd she get ball skin? She shaves it. She shaves the layer off of it. Oh my

02:16God. That's exactly what she did. Oh my God. Jesus H. What? She shaves it off. She would

02:23randomly walk up to men, grab their arm and shove her face in the pit and start sniffing

02:27the pit. The chick was shifted. Yeah. She was shifted. Shifty, shifty, shifty. Ball skin.

02:34No. Ball skin. What is the deal with that? Could you imagine someone just shaving the

02:41top layer of your ball skin off? No, I cannot. Some kind of utensil? I don't know how many

02:45layers there are. Would you let it? I wouldn't let it happen. You're not shaving my ball skin.

02:51No. Okay. Here's a woman, Buffalo Brenda-ing herself, I guess. Okay. Am I the weirdest woman?

02:59She asks. Probably. I use old toenails to tickle my stink wrinkles. For what?

03:09Lisa? What? I use old toenails to tickle my stink wrinkles. She takes an old toenail. Yeah.

03:18And she puts it on her butthole. What? Tickles those wrinkles here. The little wrinkles,

03:25the stink wrinkles. Butthole. Makes sense now. Stink wrinkles. Yeah. I don't even know

03:30how somebody comes up with an idea like this. Yeah. It's the only thing that gets me off,

03:36she says. So this finishes her off? Oh my. She's finished by nails on the stink wrinkle. On

03:44the stink wrinkle. That and the smell of onions. Well, of course. You gotta have it. She added

03:52that in. Yeah. Yeah. Right there. Put it at the PS and the smell of onions. Yeah. Onions

03:57always make me cry. Stink wrinkles and onions. What a book. Can you imagine you're with that

04:04girl? The worst dinner ever. Yeah. But she's like, hey, if you want to get me there, bite

04:11one of your nails off and shove it in my stink wrinkle. Well, I think you gotta make little

04:15circles around it. Dave sounded scared as he read it. He was like, things are toenails.

04:20Stink with a stink wrinkle. Well, imagine a girl. And so you should be. Yeah. That's

04:23frightening. Stink wrinkle sounds like the cousin of Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah. Stink wrinkle.

04:30Yeah. Stink wrinkle. I honestly wonder. It's like a real creepy gargoyle or something. Yeah. I don't

04:36like it. Jack's up next. Jack. I'm Rocky. When did you encounter a real creepy lady, a Buffalo

04:41Brenda, if you will? So me and my buddies were going to a car show and one of them broke

04:46down and we were changing his tire in a parking lot. And out of nowhere, this lady just walks

04:53up to us and she's got calamine lotion on her inner legs, like covered everywhere. Was

04:59she a bigger lady? She was a big girl. Yeah. And she had a leopard print top on. She had no

05:09hair and she was carrying a purse. And she looked, she just walked up to us and said,

05:15Hi, my name is Rusty. You guys want to go swimming? Oh my God. No Rusty. No. No Rusty ma'am.

05:23Me and all my buddies were just like, Nope. So she wouldn't leave. So we put the new tire

05:29on the car and she finally just was standing there and she's counting us like one, two,

05:33three, four, five. And then she just walked away. I got things to do. Are you sure Rusty

05:42was a lady? I'm pretty sure Rusty was. I've never heard of a woman named Rusty. Have you

05:49heard of a woman named Rusty? She's bald. A bald Rusty is a dude. I believe Rusty was just

05:54a nickname. It's a old Rusty trombone. Fat lady comes up with calamine lotion in her

06:00inner thighs. Yeah, real itchy thighs. A leopard print top and asked me to go swimming with

06:05her and then counts me and my friends. You got to really cake it on there. You let one

06:12layer dry, then you peel it off and you go swimming with your old girlfriend, Rusty.

06:1720 of your boys want to come swimming with you. Got all Rusty. Rusty, man. Come swimming

06:27with your old gal pal, Rusty. Teach you a thing or two about swimming. Get between my calamine

06:36thighs. Oh my God. I got poison sumac. Between my thighs. Yeah. I scissored a poison ivy bush.

06:47Get about to wait for it.

06:51get on there.

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