Almost Killed Someone

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share stories about times they were able to say, "I think I killed them".

Transcript

00:00What's the moment you thought, I've killed someone?

00:08Let's go to voice changing technology.

00:11Hello, Anonymous.

00:12How's she going, eh?

00:13What happened?

00:15Okay, so it was, we'll say five, six years ago, I went to go pick some folks up from

00:20a party that needed a ride home.

00:22There were some gentlemen there that did not agree with my presence at that location.

00:27Two of them came after me, one of them had a knife, and tried stabbing me in the kidney,

00:32so I grabbed a large wrench out of my pickup, hit the one kid in the head, and gave him

00:37like 13 stitches, and cracked his skull.

00:41So there was a moment where you thought, oh my god, I've killed this guy?

00:44Yes.

00:45State police were involved, it was a big deal, I got cleared of the charges.

00:49Oh my goodness.

00:50Guy is...

00:51Oh, Jesus, that's not how we say it.

00:54That's okay.

00:54What are you going to do?

00:55The guy has issues.

00:57Yeah, the guy has issues now, though.

00:58Mental issues.

00:59Yeah.

01:04I was getting it.

01:07We always make it almost to the end of the whole story, and then somehow, one little

01:11piece gets...

01:12It's horrible, it's horrible.

01:13The guy is...

01:16Oh, man.

01:17You got hit with your wrench, guys.

01:20Oh my god.

01:22Bait my head.

01:23That is not something to laugh about, but it is...

01:25No.

01:26No, it's terrible.

01:26It is a terrible...

01:27But he pulled a knife on him, you know.

01:28That's just how it all played out here.

01:31Let's find out from this regular line here how this person almost killed a stripper.

01:36Oh boy.

01:37Hello, Anonymous.

01:39How's she going, eh?

01:40How's she going, eh?

01:41Tell us about the time where you thought you killed someone.

01:44Well, I was at my buddy's bachelor party and I was the best man, so of course I got a

01:47couch dance at the end of the night.

01:48You know, I had a few beers in me.

01:50She was just a little bitty thing.

01:52Well, she starts trying to rub her bits in my face.

01:54Right.

01:54And I don't want no stripper bits in my face, right?

01:58Oh my god, no.

01:59React.

01:59So, I'm telling her, I'm like, okay, that's close enough, that's good, that's it.

02:05That's close enough.

02:06There wasn't much else I could do.

02:08I just stood right up and this was happening on a futon and I went to set her down nicely

02:14Well, after the beers had kicked in, she had a little bit of a head rush.

02:18Basically, power-bounded the stripper into a futon.

02:21And I looked at my buddy.

02:25Oh, damn!

02:27No.

02:28And I look at all my buddies and I'm like, oh my god, I broke the stripper!

02:34Oh my god.

02:35She was okay, though?

02:37Yeah, she was fine.

02:38I don't know, it must have been the cocaine or whatever she was doing.

02:42You power-bounded her.

02:43Oh my god.

02:44Yeah, power-bounded her into the spine of the futon.

02:48Oh my god.

02:50You know, that's my reaction, too, though, is, like, I don't realize it, but I will, like,

02:55I'll throw, I'll do something like that.

02:58My body reacts in a way sometimes that I don't understand.

03:00I think all of us do.

03:01Like, honestly, I think it's your, it's like, it activates your fight or flight response

03:07in certain scenarios.

03:09Let's go next to Matt.

03:10Your heart didn't stop that way.

03:11Matt from Boston.

03:12When did you think you almost killed someone?

03:16Penis.

03:17Penis.

03:18What's going on, guys?

03:19I was 17 years old and I bought my first car.

03:23I drove through a house going about 40 miles an hour.

03:26Dude.

03:27Oh my god.

03:27No way.

03:29Right into a bedroom.

03:31The whole nine, I see a fish tank on the ground.

03:35People come in, they start screaming.

03:37My son's underneath the car.

03:39Oh my god.

03:40No.

03:41Dude.

03:41No.

03:43So, the kid was mentally handicapped to boot.

03:47Mm.

03:48Mm.

03:49So, after about an hour of sitting in the cop car, I'm thinking, he's dead, I'm going

03:55to jail for manslaughter the whole night.

03:57Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:58How's the kid?

03:59Well.

04:00Broken collarbone.

04:02That was it.

04:03Oh my god.

04:04Well, thank god.

04:05Awful.

04:05What a terrible story.

04:06What a terrible story.

04:07No.

04:07Collarbone.

04:08No, no, no.

04:10Yeah.

04:10Survived by no of a car.

04:11No, no, no.

04:11What noise was that, Dave, that you made?

04:13I don't know.

04:16Dave.

04:17I don't know what happened.

04:21Tried to suck the story up.

04:23I get hit.

04:23Suck the story.

04:24Suck the story.

04:26Always challenge.

04:31It was amazing.

04:33It was an amazing noise.

04:34It was.

04:35And he didn't even, he didn't even do it like off to the side.

04:40You actually put your face right into the microphone.

04:50That's the same noise I make when I eat spaghetti.

04:52Oh no.

04:53Nope.

04:54Special James spaghetti.

04:56Spaghetti.

04:57No.

04:58Here's some text coming in.

05:00First time skiing.

05:01Boyfriend didn't teach me how to stop.

05:03So I'm flying down the hill.

05:05I crash into this really old man at the bottom of the ski hill.

05:09Full speed.

05:10Yeah.

05:11He doesn't move.

05:14I've killed an old man.

05:18What in the hell?

05:23Well, hello, little lady.

05:25Are you okay, sir?

05:27I think everything in me is broken.

05:28It looks like it.

05:32I am completely shattered.

05:36She said luckily he was okay, but it was my first and last time skiing.

05:39Yeah, that'll do it.

05:40You need to learn how to stop when you ski.

05:42Oh my God.

05:43I'll tell you what though.

05:44Like I know.

05:45I just mentioned the gold man.

05:46Listen, I had learned to stop on the like bunny slope, but then they like sent me up to this

05:53giant mountain and there was no stopping.

05:56So I get what this chick is going through.

05:58I learned early on.

05:59I was trying a pizza stop and it wasn't pizza stopping anything.

06:02I've never skied in my life because I just learned early on going downstairs.

06:07I started going quick.

06:09I don't know what will happen to me.

06:11I'll ski.

06:11You can't handle stairs.

06:13I don't mind the slope.

06:14You're like a missile.

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