If DNA Testing Were Honest | [23andMe, Ancestry.com Parody] Honest Ads - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00You might want to start getting your prostate checked.

00:03Here, I know a guy.

00:07Used to be a rock climber.

00:09Pointer finger like a grappling hook.

00:14DNA is the building block of all organisms.

00:17And what's the building block of DNA?

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00:54Have you ever had a haunting, unshakeable feeling

00:58that you're a special little specimen?

01:01Yes!

01:01Haven't you ever wondered about your history?

01:04Yes, I'm really interested in learning about my heritage.

01:07But as a white guy, you just aren't supposed to say that anymore.

01:10People think you are January 6th.

01:12I've got good news for you.

01:13I'm Roger Horton, head of the Raw Genetics Hort Lab.

01:17Here at Raw Genetics, we've found a way for anyone with truly disposable income

01:21to find out just what makes up the glistening arms of that special little snowflake they are.

01:27And with just a cold humdo and a vial of your bodily fluids,

01:31we can tell you all about you.

01:34Wow, I'm always interested in learning about myself.

01:37It's my favorite topic.

01:38Where do I sign up?

01:41Whoa, chunky.

01:42Do I have to read this?

01:43We'd prefer you didn't.

01:45Perfect.

01:46Now, let's crack open the book of you to the very first page.

01:51Yeah, let's go to the bookstore of me, where they sell me books and buy one.

01:56Okay, no need to belabor the metaphor.

02:01Now, if you could just spit into this Raw Genetics official collection vial, we'll get started.

02:10Good job!

02:12Now, let's just fast forward a couple of weeks to when we'll receive your results.

02:23And we're back.

02:25Here's the official report, fresh from the lab.

02:32Wow, I always knew I was white, but it's great to see it on paper.

02:36Isn't it though?

02:3899.9% Irish?

02:40My friends are going to be so excited when I use this to excuse my complicated relationship

02:45with alcohol.

02:46An insight that enables you to learn less about yourself delightful.

02:50Oh, and 0.1% Native American?

02:53I'm going to get a fun necklace.

02:55You could be like Ryan or one of our other happy ancestry customers.

03:01Wow, turns out my red hair is the product of the Norse running sexually roughshod

03:05through my ancestors' captured villages.

03:08I guess we really do have more fun.

03:10The Joseph Goebbels?

03:12No way.

03:13That's why I work in advertising.

03:15No way I'm paying you race-baiting eugenicist-obsessed assholes to tell me where I come from.

03:22Unless there's 40 acres and a mule in that goddamn envelope.

03:26And honestly, this whole thing seems wildly convenient.

03:30How did things go last time we tried to classify everything by race, huh?

03:33How's that going for you, America?

03:36Humankind is such a beautiful tapestry, and colonization our violent loom.

03:41I already felt an undeserved sense of accomplishment, and now it's even stronger.

03:46Hold on, my little knot of telomeres.

03:48We're not done yet.

03:50We also have results on your health and possible genetic diseases.

03:57Gimme, gimme, gimme!

03:58Hold on, you gotta pay extra for these.

04:00It's $50 for me to show you, and $100 for me to burn it forever.

04:07Ooh, that's for the best.

04:10Ooh, you might want to start getting your prostate checked.

04:14Here, I know a guy.

04:18Used to be a rock climber.

04:20Pointer finger like a grappling hook.

04:22Oh, by the way, what do you do with my DNA profile?

04:25Well, just hold on to it.

04:27For what?

04:28Don't worry, it's in our computer.

04:29One that's pretty hard to hack.

04:31Pretty hard?

04:32Look, it's for our eyes only, and the partners who help us with our research,

04:37and possibly the FBI.

04:38But don't worry, they're famously trustworthy.

04:41I'm starting to think I should have just asked my parents where I'm from.

04:45Well, too late for that now, my little four-leaf clover.

04:48Oh, one more thing.

04:50That's your real dad.

04:51You were conceived in a truck stop.

04:54We also think he might be the Zodiac Killer.

04:57I've been Roger, and I've got no DNA at all.

05:00A magic man made me out of river clay and put a scroll in my mouth.

If DNA Testing Were Honest | [23andMe, Ancestry.com Parody] Honest Ads

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