If The Fourth Of July Were Honest

Cracked

Join us as we dive into the explosive world of Non-Lethal Patriot Gunpowder Missiles Inc.! Witness our Fourth of July blowout sale and explore the surprising connection between the national anthem, fireworks, and the history of warfare. Get ready for a blast! #Fireworks #July4thSale #NationalAnthem #Patriotism #WarHistory #NonLethalFireworks #GunpowderMissiles #AmericanFlag #HistoricalVideo #USA

Transcript

00:00Don't tell me that bombs bursting in air part of the national anthem is just a coincidence,

00:05because it's not. I'm Roger Horton, and I'm the boss man who opened this highly flammable and

00:11sometimes illegal fireworks distribution center. We're having our blowout sale on July 4th

00:17confections. We're your go-to place to explode a plethora of non-lethal Patriot gunpowder missiles

00:24in the air in order to commemorate our country's inextricable tie to years of warfare. Don't tell

00:31me that bombs bursting in air part of the national anthem is just a coincidence, because it's not.

00:37I made sure they put that in there when Francis Scott Key wrote the star-spangled flag poem that

00:43we all know and love. This way, no matter what wars happened between our war for independence and now,

00:49we can always celebrate by buying as many non-lethal Patriot gunpowder missiles as possible.

00:55Once we get the old good stuff, and you'll be singing your national anthem loud and proud,

01:01as is tradition. After all, the national anthem was originally an old drinking song.

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