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Transcript
00:30evil if you're gonna be a superhero there's your problem in a nutshell
00:42evil gathering like lint in the navel of the body public evil making vile and hasty its dark works
00:53like termites pushing their wretched larvas through the veins of that mighty oak tree we call
00:58clean living and it's up to you the superheroes of the future to hang the tire swing of nice nice
01:06from the highest branches and swing for justice swing swing swing now who wants to be a superhero
01:19grand look at the commitment burning in those watery eyes are there they got the goodies i am
01:37the tick you can put your hands down now over the next four weeks i'll be teaching you everything
01:44you need to know to be a defender of all that's good this is arthur my sidekick slash teacher's
01:50assistant hi okay the natural enemy of the superhero is the super villain in most cases you can trace a
02:00villain's criminal career back to a single event often a horrible freak accident that leaves the
02:06villain to be grotesquely warped in body and spirit
02:09now i know you kids don't come here to listen to some old rich guy in a suit
02:26so who do you really want to see uncle creamy that's right uncle creamy and here he is you know
02:38sprinkles i wasn't always uncle creamy i studied with the great minds of paris never lose your dream
02:45creamy get your fat cone up here oh marceau to think it's i'll come to this
02:52hiya kids have i got a treat for you a brand new flavor fresh from the lab triple ripple vanilla road monkey
03:06oh mr fleener we're not ready yet this glock's got an unstable molecular structure we've never
03:17tested it under this high a pressure it's almost a critical mass
03:21listen to those caterwauling brats if we don't come up with a cream there's gonna be a riot
03:27okay here we go
03:30okay here are the abcs of superheroing
03:42a is for action b and c are for battle cry
03:47so for today's class i want each of you to introduce yourself tell me a little about your
03:52superhero-ness and then shout your battle cry and take your best shot at me
03:57excuse me but won't you get hurt
04:01not to worry young student i'm nigh invulnerable
04:05and you very vulnerable i'm afraid well my superhero name is the flying squirrel oh boss
04:14then you can fly a classic superpower no i i just like squirrels oh then you must have some fantastic
04:23origin a feral child raised by twitchy rodents in the wilderness no i i just like squirrels oh and
04:32my life is empty oh gee and i had you pegged for a real firecracker
04:36it's great to be alive
04:40good energy but you'll want to work on control mister
04:48exciting i'm mr exciting
04:51well don't keep it all bottled up pal and you are i call myself sarcastro and my secret power
04:59weapon is the razor sharp sting of sarcasm well the first thing you'd better learn is that we don't
05:05aim our secret superpower weapons at other superheroes
05:09and like these garbanzos are real superheroes
05:13it's okay to play with dolls excuse me that's it that's my battle cry
05:20uh-huh unique hey didn't you used to be with weederspan and wong
05:27uh tax department first cubicle i still am
05:30larry larry hafner
05:33uh by day yes but by night baby boomerang-a-tang
05:39mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama
05:47i am gazootight and i'm allergic to almost everything including pine resin
05:54airborne pollen and my own perspiration my super pup
05:59come on out with it man my super power is
06:03bless you that's a good one
06:16come on man be reasonable
06:26ever since your unfortunate accident your appearance has been a disgrace
06:31um you're frightening the children
06:34you can't fire me fleener i love those children and they love me
06:39i'm the heart and soul of uncle creamy
06:41you're wrong there's the heart and soul of uncle creamy
06:45it's the cream that's what makes the children happy
06:49and that's what makes the old men rich
06:53you're just an overpaid clown dressed up like an ice cream cone
06:57i am an ice cream cone thanks to your incompetent irresponsible ice cream
07:03geneers all my body fluids have become triple ripple vanilla road monkey
07:08i bleed triple ripple vanilla road monkey
07:10i sweat triple ripple vanilla road monkey
07:13i cry triple ripple vanilla road monkey
07:16i everything triple ripple vanilla road monkey
07:20you're a mad man
07:24uncle creamy destroyer of worlds
07:28now most of your super villains don't want to get caught
07:38this means that as a superhero you've got to go out and get them
07:43bounding hither and yon in search of the ever elusive ne'er-do-well
07:47now for today's exercise i've arranged a little test
07:52wow test great
07:54of your patrol and apprehension procedure
07:57so
07:58all right
08:00yes
08:00okay
08:05everybody ready
08:07here we go
08:08help help
08:12somebody stole my purse
08:14help me help me
08:15don't look at me
08:20look for the villain
08:22help my purse
08:27help stop me
08:29huh
08:29oh right
08:31there he is
08:35go
08:37all right people
08:40don't forget your battle cries
08:42it's okay to play with dolls
08:47mama
08:47mama
08:48mama
08:48mama
08:49it's great to be alive
08:53it's freezing time
08:58it's
08:58it's
08:59it's
09:00it's
09:01it's
09:02it's
09:03it's
09:04it's
09:05it's
09:06it's
09:07it's
09:08it's
09:09it's
09:10hey
09:14i know that guy
09:15oh
09:17ice cream
09:18well for once
09:24mr exciting has the right idea
09:26why don't you all take a break and get some ice cream
09:29sarcastro
09:33flying squirrel
09:34i'd like to
09:36see just a little more class participation from you two
09:39and i didn't hear those battle cries
09:42oh
09:43i'm sorry mr tick
09:45sorry
09:45it was on the tip of my tongue
09:47i'll work on it
09:49oh
09:51could you grovel a little bit more
09:54think of it arthur
09:55we're teachers
09:57passing on the torch
09:58stretching the minds of a new generation on the rack of knowledge
10:02i'd
10:03i'd like a rocket flan with extra sprinkles please
10:06i allow myself one treat a day
10:09okay one rocket extra fuel
10:12drop that flan
10:14uncle creamy
10:16that's right henderson
10:17and this is the last sale you'll ever make
10:20super villain
10:28stand back students
10:29this is no class exercise
10:31ice criminal
10:32no one attacks an ice cream truck on the text beat
10:36this is none of your business
10:38justice is always my business
10:40spawn
10:41ice cream headache
10:49hey
10:51he can't do that to our teacher
10:53oh man
10:54hang on tick i'm coming
10:57come on
10:58let's get him
10:59it's great to be alive
11:02it's freezing time
11:08it's okay to play with dolls
11:13huh
11:13oh that's great
11:17you leave them alone
11:20they're only
11:20sorry
11:23henderson
11:28i know enough about the garbage you're peddling to bring the company to its knees
11:34you go back to fleener and tell them that
11:37i like squirrels
11:41what
11:42that's my battle cry
11:44villain
11:46i like squirrels
11:49listen lady
11:50i'm not a villain
11:51i'm vanilla
11:53and the super villain formerly known as the beloved uncle creamy continues his warp campaign
12:02to eradicate the company that once employed him
12:05who is this cold-hearted fiend
12:07who would deprive the city's children of their favorite frozen treat
12:10mr ezra fleener chief executive officer of the uncle creamy ice cream corporation issued this statement to the press
12:16he's a mime and a liar
12:18a vicious psychopath bent on destroying all the good work we've done for this city
12:22remember kids
12:23yum's the word
12:24gentlemen
12:26i think you all agree that we have a crisis on our hands
12:30but i'm sure you'll be pleased with the solution i'm proposing
12:34ivan brubeck
12:39ex-kgb enforcer
12:41ex-soldier of fortune
12:43and our new company mascot
12:45he'll take care of our uncle creamy problem
12:50um why don't we just let the police or the city's superheroes handle him
12:54uncle creamy is the ice cream cone who knows too much
12:58now if he blabs our trade secrets to the authorities well
13:03then we'll all be spending our golden years in a state slammer
13:08don't worry old man
13:10uncle creamy is my problem now
13:13and i am
13:15the superhero headquarters
13:24hq
13:25the sanctum sanctorum of the crime fighting operation
13:29oh yeah this is really high tech
13:32it's been such a long time since i saw dials on a television
13:35speak
13:37whoa come on boy
13:38mr exciting
13:42you're playing with fire
13:44no uncle creamy is no run-of-the-mill villain
13:47uh excuse me
13:48and it'll take carefully considered tactics to bring this criminal to justice
13:51listen
13:52and learn
13:55so arthur what are we gonna do
13:57well tick the uncle creamy corporation sponsors an annual picnic
14:01and it's being held tomorrow at the city park
14:03so my guess is that's where our villain will strike
14:06excuse me but
14:07i don't i don't think that uncle creamy is a super villain
14:12i mean i talked to him i looked into his eyes and all i saw was rich creamy goodness
14:19oh come on flying squirrel you heard the television he's a mime and a liar in my book that says case closed
14:27tick
14:28if we're going to fight evil tomorrow then we'd better get some sleep tonight
14:32there you go one of the sidekicks most important jobs is to keep the superhero in touch with reality
14:39because in this business reality can be pretty hard to come by
14:43whoo yes whoo
14:45now i know you kids didn't come here to listen to some old rich guy in a suit
14:51let me just introduce
14:54the new
14:56improved
14:57uncle creamy
14:59hello children
15:04we are having fun at this time
15:06my carefree antics are winning your hearts
15:09you know tick
15:11something's really off here
15:13maybe flying squirrel's instincts are sharper than we think
15:16yes
15:17perhaps she is possessed of a squirrely sixth sense
15:21now it is ice cream time
15:23maybe we should have a little chat with this new uncle creamy
15:27flaner
15:28you're gonna pay for your crime
15:31rubik
15:34go to work
15:35i am your sweet
15:37frozen dude
15:39this is pretty screwed up right here
15:46uh class
15:49yes we're gonna have a little pop quiz
15:51wow i am ready quiz yeah we're gonna have to stop both these lunatics before any kids get hurt
15:57don't you realize what flaner is up to
16:01uncle creamy stop
16:03i told you to leave me alone
16:06no
16:07no
16:08this is too easy
16:14mama mama
16:15hey spoon
16:17spoon
16:18uh
16:28just put your name class number and date in the top left hand corner of your paper
16:29it's great to be alive
16:32whoo
16:35whoo
16:36now that was a little too exciting
16:38it's time to deploy the middle child
16:42mama
16:43oh yeah sure i'm gonna fight you
16:51i said get off
17:01uh
17:02uncle creamy no you can't fight here think of the children the children
17:08i don't understand why are you doing all this it's flaner's ice cream it's not
17:22leave him alone you big bully if the rodent woman will not move away from uncle creamy she will share his fate
17:28move away from uncle creamy she will share his fate
17:32i i i like squirrels
17:41oh that's very interesting i like the mako shark a sleek efficient eating machine but that's not the point your time is up
17:53mister you are suspended
17:57the real villainous leaner don't let him get away
18:07boys
18:08get him
18:10get him off me
18:13get him off me
18:16once i underwent my transformation i realized that what this man has been passing off as ice cream
18:23is in fact nothing more than the runoff from his factory's coolant system
18:27industrial affluent
18:31gussied up with artificial sweeteners
18:33yes yes it's all true and i would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling superhero students
18:41well i can't think of a higher mark than the bitter confession of a villain being hauled off to jail
18:48congratulations
18:50congratulations class
18:52wow but what have we really learned well for one thing not everyone can know everything
18:59some people don't know
19:00i myself don't know anything i myself don't know much but i do know this
19:05that uh
19:06well the thing i just said
19:08i also know that you've all passed the course except for sarcastro
19:15who passes with highest honors
19:17i
19:18i do
19:20yeah right
19:24hey gang tammy fig writes dear tick why do trees only grow upwards and what can we do to help save the trees
19:32why trees grow in all kinds of ways tammy up is just the one we notice most
19:37their roots grow downwards into rich earth and their branches grow sideways to to mingle
19:44now what can tammy fig do to help save the trees well number one stop writing letters they're made of trees