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fynchan12
  • 6 days ago

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📺
TV
Transcript
00:00Oh, that's nothing. Once I slept for eight days, got up and ate, then went back to sleep for another eight days.
00:16I'm not kidding. It happened.
00:18Please deposit 25 cents.
00:21What?
00:22Please deposit 25 cents.
00:25Okay. Do you have a quarter?
00:28Nope.
00:29Do I have a quarter?
00:31Nope.
00:33Please deposit 25 cents.
00:36Okay. Sheesh.
00:37Come on. We gotta find the quarter.
00:45I've seen people stick paper in this thing. Then quarters come out. Quick. Give me the paper.
00:50There.
01:05Hey!
01:09Stay in there!
01:17Stop that!
01:19Eat the paper, eat the paper, eat the paper, you stupid machines!
01:25There you go!
01:35Whatcha doing now?
01:37Getting the quarter!
01:41Get ready!
01:43It's about to get us a quarter!
01:55Hey! That's what we need!
01:57One of those! We need a dollar!
01:59Where are we gonna get a dollar?
02:01I don't know!
02:05That's it!
02:09We know how to have fun!
02:11We do!
02:13Sure we do! Come on!
02:15Okay.
02:17Before you can receive any money,
02:19you must first pass a simple psychiatric examination.
02:23Okay.
02:25First, we will engage in a word association game.
02:29I say a word, then each of you says the first thing that pops into your brain.
02:33Airplane!
02:37Food!
02:39Woman!
02:41Food!
02:43Grasshopper!
02:45Food!
02:47This isn't working!
02:49Food!
02:51Food!
02:53Let's move on to the implant tests.
02:55What do you see?
02:57Pool!
02:58Food!
02:59And this one?
03:01Pool!
03:02Food!
03:03And this one?
03:05Dollar!
03:07Dollar!
03:09Dollar!
03:10Ah!
03:11Two dogs are entirely too stupid to qualify!
03:15Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
03:17But we need a dollar!
03:19Don't expect to earn any money here until you've had professional psychiatric help!
03:25At least $5,000 worth!
03:27$5,000?
03:29Come on!
03:31We gotta get $5,000!
03:33Ugh!
03:34Earning money is easy!
03:38Just look at me!
03:39I'm a mega-trillionaire ten times over!
03:42How did I do it?
03:43By selling all-purpose vinyl cleaner!
03:45And real estate!
03:46We need $5,000!
03:48$5,000!
03:50Boy, that's lunch money to me, friend!
03:52Last year, I earned $5,000 every second!
03:57We have a second!
03:58Good!
03:59Then you two can learn my secret method for making big bucks!
04:02It's so easy!
04:03All you do is follow my patented step-by-step method!
04:06First step!
04:07You'll need to purchase my special collection of self-motivating half-hour audio cassettes!
04:12Volumes 1 through 12!
04:13As well as my personally-autographed gold-plated cassette player!
04:18Second step!
04:19You'll need my $15,000 starter kit of nifty-slick all-purpose vinyl cleaner!
04:24Keep your car looking new through 100 washings!
04:29We don't have a car!
04:32Third step!
04:33A lifetime membership to my Buck Big seminars!
04:35And a subscription to my bi-weekly newsletter!
04:38Open wide, friend!
04:41Plus, my best-selling autobiography, Give Me Money!
04:45And the sequel, Give Me More Money!
04:47So, to get you started on the road to earning $5,000, I'll need $10,000!
04:54Okay!
04:55Give me $10,000!
04:56Okay!
04:57Give me $10,000!
04:59Give me $10,000!
05:00Ah!
05:01A bank robber!
05:02Let's get out of here!
05:03Somebody's robbing the place!
05:04Somebody's robbing the place!
05:05He was big and hairy, with a big, bulbous purple nose!
05:07Like, uh, this, ma'am?
05:08That's right!
05:09That's right!
05:10That's right!
05:11That's right!
05:12That's right!
05:13That's right!
05:14That's right!
05:15That's right!
05:16That's right!
05:17That's right!
05:18That's right!
05:19That's right!
05:20That's right!
05:21Come on!
05:22Come on!
05:23Come on!
05:24Come on!
05:25Hey!
05:26Hey!
05:27Hey!
05:28Hey!
05:29Hey!
05:30How do you let me stay on?
05:31Hey!
05:32Hey!
05:33Hey!
05:34Hey!
05:36Oh!
05:37Here!
05:38$10,000? Where are we going to get $10,000? Where? Where? Where?
05:47That looks just like me.
05:56Hmm. Huh? Turn him in. You gotta get $10,000.
06:03What? Yes. Turn him in. You must have $10,000.
06:11Okay.
06:33A quarter!
06:50Hello?
06:52Hi! How you doing?
06:54Not so good.
06:58Uh, Poppy...
07:00Get me out of here!
07:02I'm sorry.
07:04I'm serious.
07:06I'm sorry.
07:08That I'm sorry.
07:10This is the game.
07:12I've been waiting for the game.
07:15This game is so pretty good to be in the game.
07:18Super Mario Mario Mario Mario Mario.
07:22Got this game.
07:24So have a job?
07:26Of course.
07:28Ms. Penny, send in Secret Squirrel.
07:36Agent Triple Zero reporting.
07:39Ditto.
07:40Morocco Mole.
07:43Secret, what do you know about all this senselessly senseless destruction?
07:47Already on it, Chief.
07:49I've input the information into my senseless destruction location guesser.
07:53Utilizing a highly sophisticated series of mathematical equations and recycled fondue pots,
07:58the device precisely predicts the next location to be destroyed.
08:05Oh.
08:09If this demolishment continues, the entire country will be flattened.
08:15Not if yours truly can help it, Chief.
08:18I'll catch this crazy culprit.
08:21Crazy, huh? I'll show you who's crazy.
08:25How do you plan to pursue this particular case secret?
08:30I'll do a jig in my undies, Chief.
08:33Yes, of course.
08:34What exactly will that accomplish?
08:36Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
08:39Then, what are you saying?
08:42I don't know. I heard a voice.
08:45Hearing voices? Have you gone mad?
08:47You big horse cow!
08:51If you don't believe me, why don't you lock me up in the psychoing of the county jail?
08:59Hello.
09:00Better check this out.
09:02I'll use my audio-optic subatomic magno enhancer.
09:06Gad!
09:06Oh, man. Secret squirrel.
09:09So, what's the big secret?
09:11You're not wearing pants?
09:12I should have known it was some type of unstable subatomic particle whispering nonsense into my ear.
09:18Yo, I may be subatomic stupid squirrel,
09:20but these microscopic muscles have pulverized plenty of monuments.
09:25How could a subatomic speck like you destroy all those huge structures?
09:30Oh, it's so simple.
09:31I just pulled out the bottom atom.
09:34But why all this senselessly senseless destruction?
09:37It's a brilliant plan.
09:40First, I've hit the four corners of the country.
09:44My next target is smack dab in the center of it all.
09:47The Kansas concrete reservoir.
09:50Oh, I'll bust open the dam and turn the entire country into a giant parking lot.
09:55Then comes phase two, flattening Canada to make room for my very own amphitheater.
10:03Why an amphitheater?
10:05I'll tell you why.
10:08I'm a singer.
10:10Yeah, I'm a really good singer.
10:11I'm a dancer.
10:12Wow, I'm a really good dancer.
10:16A super-touch talent that's gonna go far.
10:19Cause I'm a star.
10:23Yes, I'm a star.
10:26Well, I'm a star.
10:29A super-touch talent that's gonna go far.
10:32I've seen better singers on sewing machines.
10:37Morocco!
10:38Secret!
10:39I knew you weren't crazy.
10:41You're only crazy about catching criminals.
10:44Thanks, Morocco.
10:45By the way, how did you knock down that huge wall?
10:48Simple.
10:48I just pulled out the bottom brick.
10:55This baby should do the trick.
10:58What is it, secret?
10:59My super-subatomic shrinking device.
11:03Cool.
11:04Now keep track of me, Morocco.
11:06The subatomic world can be a nuclear nightmare.
11:09Not so fast, my quirky friend.
11:30Oh, stupid squirrel.
11:32What's that on your shirt?
11:35I'm on his trail.
11:37Follow me, Morocco.
11:39I'm right behind you, secret.
11:41Ouchie.
11:42Here it is, gentlemen.
11:46A quatrain is a poetic construct which utilizes four lines of rhythmic verse.
11:52There you have it, right here under Q in the dictionary.
11:57Guys, I need your help.
12:00Morocco, mo!
12:02Name it.
12:03Double M.
12:05Secret, where are you now?
12:07He's headed into what appears to be a club sandwich on toasted wheat.
12:11I don't see any toasted wheat.
12:17Hey, you stupid squirrel.
12:20You're safe now, secret.
12:29I've set the sandwich next to the dictionary.
12:32That's it.
12:33The dictionary.
12:34Come out, come out, wherever you are.
12:38Come and get me, you molecular moron.
12:50And even more, ha, ha, ha.
12:59Hey, Quark, take a look at this.
13:05Says here you're a hypothetical subatomic particle.
13:09Whoa, hypothetical?
13:11That's right.
13:12You're no superstar.
13:14You're just an outdated theory.
13:16You don't even exist.
13:18But what about my singing career?
13:21You've crooned your last quantum tune, babe.
13:24I'm a singer.
13:26Huh?
13:27I'm a really good...
13:29Huh?
13:29I'm a dancer.
13:31I'm a really good...
13:33Oh, that secret ain't he song number one.
13:40Oh, secret.
13:41You're so good.
13:43Ready to be enlarged?
13:45Not yet, Morocco.
13:46There's still one more subatomic task to accomplish.
13:53And in conclusion, Secret Squirrel is to be given a clean psychiatric slate, as well as a very big raise.
14:02And you deserve a raise, too, Morocco.
14:05And an expense account at the Fez Emporium.
14:07And Penny deserves a raise, too.
14:09And three weeks on the French Riviera with Secret and Morocco.
14:12How many times do I have to go through this?
14:29You knock over the trash can and I eat the food.
14:33It's teamwork.
14:35You understand?
14:35Hey!
14:38Are you listening to me?
14:46Hey!
14:47You don't stare at that sort of thing.
14:51Looks like fun.
14:53It's not.
14:54You get all drooly, smelly, and sweaty.
14:56And your hair gets messed up.
14:58Sounds like us.
15:03Say!
15:04You're right.
15:05Maybe we're missing out on something here.
15:08Now, I've heard it's just supposed to hit you.
15:11Hit you?
15:13Yeah!
15:14Love strikes without warning.
15:15When you least expect...
15:17It...
15:18Whoa!
15:27Are you all right?
15:29Hey, buddy, speak to me!
15:31What's wrong?
15:32You sitting on attack?
15:33Come on, pal!
15:35It's hit.
15:37What's hit?
15:38Love, baby.
15:40That's funny.
15:41I thought love smelled better.
15:44Not the boot.
15:45Her.
15:46Who?
15:47Oh, baby.
15:53What?
15:54The rat?
15:55Hey!
15:56She ain't no rat, man!
15:58All right, all right.
15:59Easy.
16:00Let's go in and get her, okay?
16:04Hey!
16:05A couple of dogs!
16:06You boys want to be a pet?
16:08No, we want to get a pet.
16:11Well, isn't that cute?
16:14Come on.
16:15I'll show you around.
16:17Ha!
16:20Thought I was gonna say it was wrong, didn't you?
16:23Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
16:24Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
16:27Now here's some pets that are real easy to keep.
16:31Fish!
16:33You think she's in here?
16:35Only one way to find out.
16:36No.
16:37No.
16:37No.
16:37No.
16:38No.
16:39No.
16:40No.
16:41No.
16:42No.
16:43No.
16:44Uh-uh.
16:45No.
16:45No.
16:46No.
16:46No.
16:46No.
16:47No.
16:47No.
16:48No.
16:48No.
16:48No.
16:49Now pick up those fish and put them back!
17:03Fish are too wet.
17:05He needs something soft and warm.
17:07Something he can hold.
17:09Well, then here's a pet that's perfect!
17:13What is it?
17:14Spiders!
17:16Wow! Neat!
17:19Ahh!
17:21Ahh!
17:22Ahh!
17:23Ahh!
17:24Boo!
17:25Come on, everyone. Laugh.
17:28It's funny.
17:29Alright, guys. Break it up. Bad idea. Come on. Let's go.
17:34Say, you like feathers?
17:37In what way?
17:39In a talkative way!
17:41Hello! Hello! I'm Monkey the Parrot!
17:45He talks!
17:47That's right. Monkey knows over 20 words and phrases.
17:51Come on, baby. Go ah! Ah! Let me hear you say ah!
17:54Give me an ah!
17:56That's amazing. I've got to see how it works.
17:59Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
18:04Yo! My eye! My eye! My eye! Tell him to give it back!
18:09Ah! Come on, Monkey! Cough it up!
18:11Yeah!
18:12Yeah!
18:13Yeah!
18:14Yeah!
18:16Well, gents, how about cats?
18:19Cats!
18:21Cats!
18:24Cats, cats, cats, cats, they're crazy.
18:27Cats, they're nutty.
18:28You can't find more diversity in a single personality.
18:31Yeah, cats, you can't beat them.
18:33Please don't you eat them.
18:34But I can't hang a third verse full of nails.
18:37Thank you so much, all right.
18:38So if you want a most extraordinary, interplanetary, schizophrenic,
18:43sympathetic, but the lazy dubs or cats, can't beat them.
18:47Oh, please don't eat them, oh, cats, cats.
18:51Cats, cats, cats, cats, yeah.
18:52Cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats.
18:57You just can't beat those cats.
19:00Sorry.
19:01Them cats get a little Broadway every once in a while.
19:04Know what I mean?
19:05My love.
19:07My love.
19:08What will I do?
19:10I have a hole in my heart that screams her name.
19:15Huh?
19:16Love?
19:18Is that what you're looking for?
19:20You can't look for love.
19:22It just hits you.
19:24It has, it has.
19:26Why do you think we're in here, you fool?
19:33Lover.
19:34Lover.
19:34Oh, Crabia, how I've longed for this moment.
19:55Yes, Jonathan.
19:57I, too, have long awaited this moment.
20:00But I'm afraid we can't go on like this.
20:02What?
20:04This just can't work between us.
20:07The time we had was so caring, so magic, and yet so sad.
20:13You, a dog of the world.
20:15And me, a pet store hamster.
20:20It's time I went out and found myself in the endless mind of the universe.
20:26And what about me, Crabia?
20:28What shall I do?
20:30Oh, just remember, my love.
20:39We were just a couple of crazy kids on that highway to nowhere.
20:44And yet, now, we must take that fork in the stream of life in two separate directions, our own separate ways.
20:56Well, thanks for the help, man.
21:05Don't worry.
21:06There's plenty of hamsters in the sea.
21:09I just hope they can swim.
21:10There's plenty of hamsters in the sea.
21:12Oh, yeah.
21:16Yeah.
21:18Bye.
21:23Bye.
21:24Bye.
21:25Bye.
21:26Bye.
21:28Bye.
21:28Bye.