( NEW LOVE ) Beyond The Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 8

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( NEW LOVE ) Beyond The Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 8 Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 8 #BeyondTheLimitsofLove #PrimeUSTV   🎞 Please join  https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm

Transcript

00:00Let's go!

00:08Tilly, come here.

00:09Good girl.

00:10Oh, baby, she's gonna have to go.

00:14She...

00:16She is sand.

00:17Have a puppy, they said.

00:18It'll be fun, they said.

00:20Well, that's our youngest child.

00:21I think that we should definitely have alone dates...

00:25sometimes.

00:26Welcome to parent life with the fur babies.

00:29I mean, I don't think a human baby would do this,

00:31but, like, I don't ever want to have babies again.

00:34Just, like, so much energy.

00:36I feel like that tired parent vibe going on right now.

00:39Babe, this is a lot of work.

00:41Have you thought about, like, okay, like, I get it,

00:43Shiloh and, like, Zoe sometimes annoys the fuck out of us,

00:46but, like, my son's already 16.

00:48He's, like, a teenager, and he'll be annoying

00:51in the sense of, like, he might get an attitude, you know,

00:54because he's a teenager, you know?

00:56He's never, ever been disrespectful towards me.

00:58Like, no, he's not disrespectful.

01:00Like, I hope he's not.

01:01But, like, let's say we're out at the beach,

01:03and he's just having a really bad day,

01:05and, like, we're having a bad day with them,

01:07and then, like, it's an addition to our stress,

01:09is what I'm trying to say.

01:10What is that gonna look like for us, for you?

01:12I think sometimes he wants your attention when I'm over,

01:15and so he'll, like, come to the door a lot,

01:17and then you'll be like, hi, can I help you?

01:20And he just sits there.

01:21The amount of patience you have towards him

01:24is so admirable.

01:26I see how much you love him,

01:28just by the way you talk to him,

01:30and, like, how gentle you are with him,

01:32and I know sometimes he can't really absorb

01:35something that might seem pretty obvious to people,

01:38but then you really take your time to break it down

01:41and just kind of, like, let him come to his own answer.

01:44You don't tell him how to be a kid.

01:48You tell him how to responsibly make his own choices

01:52to how he wants to live his life.

01:56Mildred's child, he's special needs.

01:59If I'm going to marry Mildred,

02:00her son may have to live with us,

02:03even into his adulthood.

02:05My son is gonna be an adult soon,

02:07and, you know, it's a lot.

02:09If we do get married and do have a family together,

02:13I see adventure.

02:15I see being able to experience

02:17a lot of different things in life, you know?

02:19That's what I want to see,

02:20and I'm sure Josh would want to be a part of.

02:22Yeah, definitely.

02:23I think that just, like, having...

02:26I think that just having this, um...

02:29Oh, God, fuck, okay.

02:31Sorry.

02:32You still want to move in?

02:34Oh, my God.

02:36Kiss me.

02:38Oh, my God.

02:39Yes, we are.

02:40Yes, we are.

02:41Hear the colors, see the stars.

02:44Well, let's cheers for a take, um...

02:45Oh, my gosh.

02:47Reunited, I guess.

02:48Reunited!

02:49I don't know.

02:50Hey, hey!

02:51Oh, my God!

02:53Um...

02:54I wanna learn to see the sky.

02:57Well, let's cheer for Jake.

02:59Oh, my gosh.

03:01Reunited, I guess.

03:02Reunited.

03:03I don't know.

03:04Hi, hi.

03:05Oh, my god.

03:07Mom, how was your experience?

03:09Yeah, so I know how to speak up now.

03:12And I'm always there to just enable at the end of the day.

03:17Aussie needs to be able to handle this on her own.

03:20Stand her ground and, like, actually put forth

03:23what you learn.

03:24Yes.

03:25Even before coming to the experience,

03:27Aussie doesn't communicate.

03:28Aussie is thinking in Aussie's head.

03:32When I get tired or even stressed, I'm a little short.

03:35When that's happening, you don't listen to me.

03:38You're so in your head, you don't actually

03:39know what's happening.

03:42You have bad energy.

03:44Like, you have bad energy.

03:46I don't have bad energy.

03:46I'm just like, you just don't think you do.

03:48Yeah, but the thing is, I don't.

03:50Okay, even right now, you keep trying to defend yourself

03:53but there's no need for that because I'm talking.

03:56New version of Sam.

03:58This is the new Sam.

04:02I feel that you think that it's all about my improvement.

04:05You do understand that I have things to work on, too, right?

04:08I haven't seen it from you that you're different.

04:11Really?

04:11You haven't seen the new Sam?

04:12The new Sam.

04:14You're trying to tell me that I'm not showing up different?

04:17No.

04:17I haven't seen any changes in you.

04:18What I'm saying is I haven't seen this new Sam give me

04:23the benefit of the doubt, see my side of the story.

04:25You keep saying new Sam.

04:26So are you saying the new Sam doesn't listen to you?

04:29I'm saying the new Sam may be overcompensating for her needs,

04:33which were not met prior, and now you don't even see my side.

04:37I don't know what you're asking for.

04:38I don't know what you're asking for.

04:39I just want you to see my side.

04:40I don't know what you're asking for.

04:41I just want you to see my side.

04:42Can you just entertain the idea that the reason why you don't

04:44like how I act now is because I'm not just giving in

04:46to all of your needs every single time?

04:47No, that's not it.

04:48That's bullshit.

04:49And I'm actually paying attention to my needs.

04:50That's bullshit.

04:51I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

04:52That's bullshit.

04:53No, that's bullshit.

04:54I think about you all the time.

04:56I put you first.

04:57But you're calling her actual feelings bullshit?

05:02How would you feel if she said that about your feelings?

05:04She's saying that, practically.

05:05I don't, though.

05:06But she literally did not say that, though.

05:07I never said that.

05:08Ever.

05:09But you just, you literally just said those words.

05:13I shut down.

05:18I'm sorry.

05:31So this has been our main roadblock.

05:33This new version of me is literally just like, I'm not

05:42going to keep enabling you anymore.

05:45I'm going to actually speak up now.

05:48And that is what Ossie doesn't like.

05:55I'm cool to stay here.

05:56You can see if Ossie's OK.

05:58Oh, my God.

05:59How are you doing?

06:13I'm good.

06:14You know, maybe I'm not good enough for her, you know?

06:17I'm not there yet.

06:18I'm trying.

06:19What makes you think that?

06:20What makes you think that?

06:21I'm trying.

06:22But the thing is, I'm trying.

06:23And I cannot have my partner dismiss how I feel, too.

06:24Dismiss my side of the story, too.

06:25I'm not where she's at.

06:26So, like...

06:27What about my version?

06:28Which was like, I didn't mean to make you mad.

06:29I didn't mean to make you feel like I was being rude to you.

06:31I'm sorry.

06:32But I didn't make you.

06:33I didn't mean to make you.

06:34I didn't mean to make you.

06:35What about my version?

06:36I didn't mean to make you mad.

06:38I didn't mean to make you feel like I was being rude to you.

06:39I'm sorry.

06:40There's two fucking people here.

06:41You're not always fucking right.

06:43Can you please be open-minded enough that I am telling you the truth?

06:46My truth, too?

06:49There's two fucking people here. You're not always fucking right

06:54Can you please be open-minded enough that I am telling you the truth my choice to I'm accepting your truth

07:01Why can't you accept my truth?

07:06You know where it takes me back to is my fucking childhood

07:11When I would be blamed for everything and that was not even my fucking fault

07:18I

07:27Didn't do shit. I fucking didn't do shit

07:38I didn't do it

07:48I'm trying so hard

07:59I'm trying to be the

08:02Perfect

08:05Girlfriend perfect lover perfect kid perfect daughter

08:11Perfect co-worker perfect

08:15Everything

08:20I'm still not good enough

08:24I thought that she would come in but maybe she doesn't need that fresh air

08:36Thank you man

08:37Thank you man

08:38I'm sorry

08:42At the end

08:44I beat all

08:46It's just hard

08:48And

08:49All day

08:50Tried everything

08:52For you to stay

08:54But it was too late

08:56I think sometimes it's hard for me to have conversations with you because I feel like I know how they're gonna turn out

09:04More so in terms of just like you listening to me it and it doesn't become like this like fucking hot topic like I've already said this like you're very strong-willed you're very opinionated and sometimes I feel like I'm on the defense when I'm like trying to tell you how I'm feeling I wouldn't want to feel the same way like we can feel different we can agree to disagree but like just listen and be like okay well that's not how I feel this is how I feel and not like making me feel like I'm wrong

09:22Or like dumb

09:35I think sometimes I can't get out of my own head when we're in it one-upping one another and making you question something I don't want that I was in mock trial I picked Elaine and I argued for it and in favor of it and consistently

09:51Nonstop

09:53Nonstop

09:54So

09:55Sounds about right

09:56This is something I like about you when it's not um geared toward this little little little gal

10:04In terms of like marriage I don't want the games

10:08I'm not in I'm not I'm not single I don't want to be single

10:12I don't want to feel like I'm single I don't want to feel like I'm dating around and like somebody's a frickin area code in their phone number for somebody else like I don't want that

10:20I don't want that I don't want that version of the game

10:23I don't think we really like do that

10:27We don't

10:28I don't think it's healthy to do that like I think we know of a couple that does do a lot of petty gaminess like how can I one up this person how can I make this person like

10:38want me or like whatever like if you're in a marriage I don't know if that's like I would rather us make each other want us in purposeful ways

10:47Like I'd rather our version of like a game if you will is like you coming home from work and me wearing something sexy cooking dinner

10:56Like if that's a game to us like that'll be my game

11:01Okay

11:03Yeah

11:04What happened today was realization that how I'm feeling in that moment which is so much anger and so much pain

11:29I said this feels like when I was a kid

11:32I didn't know it was there like I had no idea

11:37Yeah

11:38Yeah

11:39But that's what I feel every time we fight like

11:42But you know that I'm there for you right now

11:44Yes

11:45Yeah

11:46Yeah

11:47You have so much support and love

12:01I know

12:02You don't even see it

12:03I don't even see it

12:04You're going through a lot of like really heavy stuff

12:09Absolutely

12:10For me marriage is about growth and I think that it wouldn't make any sense to hold unrealistic expectations

12:20Of we're going to come into this experience and we're going to be fully healed at the end

12:25But we need to communicate better

12:28I mean I want to get there

12:31I love you

12:33Okay, I just don't feel safe with you just yet

12:35Okay

12:36Why do I feel some sort of a

12:45Because that that is something that is not easy for anybody to hear

12:56A lot of things that you do come off as selfish

12:59Mm-hmm

13:00Right

13:01Right

13:05Yeah

13:09Like a lot of times I literally feel like I'm bending backwards to help create a safe space for you

13:18That freaking sucks

13:20So moving forward like how do you see that situation changing though?

13:26Mm-hmm

13:31I feel like that's not like a hard thing to answer

13:35Like it's obvious

13:36Yeah

13:38Do you see how do you hear it right now?

13:41I feel annoyed

13:43Yeah, why?

13:44Why are you feeling annoyed?

13:45Why are you asking me that dumb question?

13:47You're being very disrespectful to me right now

13:51You're speaking to me in a very condescending tone

13:53Okay, so why did you ask me that question then?

13:56Why are you asking me that question?

13:58Your whole tone just changed to being very like

14:00Yeah, but as I'm asking

14:02And you're raising your voice at me and calling my questions dumb

14:05Why would you ask me that?

14:07Why?

14:08Can you acknowledge the fact that you're

14:10Okay, I acknowledge, I'm sorry

14:12This is one of those moments where you're being rude to me

14:14Okay, but I feel like you're being rude to me by asking that

14:18I'm actually not being rude to you, I'm just saying

14:20Oy

14:23You're not in listening mode right now

14:25Because you're telling me that I did something wrong

14:27No, like no I didn't

14:28What did I do?

14:29Okay, so we're having the same issue where you're feeling like I'm telling you you did something wrong

14:34But I didn't say anything

14:36Alright

14:38I'm listening to you

14:39Can you like be in a less defensive position where I feel like you're actually listening to me?

14:44Do you see the question you asked made me feel the way I did?

14:48Do you see that too?

14:49I didn't make you feel any way

14:51Alright, alright, whatever

14:52I didn't intend to make you feel any way

14:53Okay, I'm good, yeah you're right, I know

14:55I'm good

14:57Okay, but let's not just like blankly use that I'm good statement like

15:01I don't, I'm good

15:03Like what do you want me to do about it mate?

15:04You're starting to act like an ass right now

15:08And you started talking to me in a very rude manner and you called me mate

15:12Okay

15:13I don't know

15:14A mate?

15:16Why are you calling me mate all of a sudden?

15:18I don't know

15:21Can we, are we done?

15:23So now you're just gonna walk away?

15:25Like

15:26I don't know, I don't wanna

15:28I brought this shit in you

15:29Can I, are we done?

15:35Are you really just like walking away from me right now?

15:39You haven't done anything wrong

15:41Just let me be

15:45I just don't wanna talk about this anymore

15:50You know what I can tell you with certainty?

15:54This is not what I want in a marriage

15:56Okay

15:57Apparently I'm a nurse right now, so let me just leave

16:03Yeah, you absolutely are

16:09Is the road too long?

16:17Do you feel like your hope is gone?

16:27With that

16:28No

16:30Is the road too dark?

16:32Is the road too dark?

16:35Is the road too dark?

16:39I don't know

16:41She's been my rock you know

16:43she's been my rock you know when someone expressed that she was hurt

16:52she was trying her best i could see that i know her i came on the experience

17:01from sam and i's relationship

17:04and we both made a commitment to fully immerse ourselves in this if she's telling you this is

17:14what she needs and you're waiting because of your insecurities and your fears

17:22because the past hurts you're gonna lose that person

17:26that means the world to you so i'm getting very clear on that

17:40that i i don't want to lose the person

17:46that i know is the one

17:56there is the love that we see

18:03i'm sorry where is the truth to believe in

18:14you do you for you act like a lady think like a boss like a boss

18:22poppa poppa that's my future i'm gonna be a handsome man hey guys

18:28great to see you you look so good you look so good oh thanks welcome

18:34i haven't seen you guys in a while

18:37so you guys have been living back with each other for two weeks yeah we've gone through

18:43a lot of stuff i feel like that we have not talked about before and i don't know like

18:49it's hard yeah so yeah so you met ray my trial wife yes i think i finally came to the conclusion that

18:59i do want to marry someone and have a kid with someone and raising them and having that connection

19:03and i do really love you and i do see a future with us so it's been really hard that that's how i

19:10came out of my trial marriage and then to be thrown into yeah

19:15this a month ago i thought i was gonna like come into this and be like oh okay like now let's figure

19:20some stuff out and i have been like super guarded started with me and all of you oh yeah sorry i've

19:25been guarded yeah i've been guarded with vanessa like once we started living together there were

19:29so many things going on in my head like it just felt so different i still am like trying to like

19:34place like what what that means for us and for our future the thing is is like we do love each

19:39other so much and we do care about each other so much but then i was with my trial marriage partner

19:45and she also is like ready to get married and have kids and everything

19:52it was easy and natural and one of the biggest things was that yoli kept asking me what does

19:57xander need and i feel like i've never been asked that before ever like that's something i needed i'm

20:03not someone to like just like pour my heart out right away right so like it didn't mean a lot to me

20:08that was like okay like i feel like i trust this girl enough to tell her things and she was telling me

20:12stuff i don't know i mean i i think that we've learned a lot from each other i think i learned

20:16a lot about myself also everything's just been like turned around now

20:23that's a lot for you to process there i know wow the perspective of coming here was that xander

20:30wanted to get married and you didn't now after you've been through this you want to get married and

20:36that's what you're saying yeah it's undeniable that a part of that is you don't want to lose

20:41xander and you'd be willing to maybe do something that you wouldn't have done before because of of

20:47that fear of loss there's a part yeah but i can tell you that's not the dominant no but it has to be

20:52there and i'll tell you i've been a victim of this where someone's pulling away from you and you want

20:58to win them back to win them back because you want to be chosen right but i know looking back at myself

21:05in one particular relationship where i thought oh my god i really love this person i have afterwards i look

21:11back and i thought wow that was totally my ego kicking in certainly i guess what i'm hearing is

21:17xander progressed more with uh self-analysis and really trying to figure out what do i want and

21:24what's going to make me happy yeah um so i disagree with that i feel like i did that just the same okay

21:31um just because i didn't love someone and have sex with them a lot that didn't need to happen

21:41my heart's never broken like this

21:45so what's going on i don't know how much mal told you about the process who i ended up doing my

22:03trial marriage okay like at first i was like all right this is cool this is cute like we'll grow

22:07i figured after a week with xander i was just kind of like oh what is what is the oh

22:13shit part the oh shit was um me falling in love with xander

22:19and feeling a connection there

22:26i'm confused what's the confusing part this is your person

22:30so this is a lot i i'm i'm just in shock i don't know what to say i know

22:36it is a lot how do you feel um i mean i it's such a generalized question but like

22:47i mean that wasn't the plan like a little bamboozled it just doesn't sound real right

22:51i'm sitting here with you guys and i'm like

22:53it never made me feel like i love mal any less

23:01yep

23:05so what is what does that mean yoli what does that mean for how do you feel about mal i love mal so

23:10much she's a best friend she is kin to me she the connection here is untouched to me at least beyond

23:19but when i think about solidifying my future i worry and this person has that checked off you're

23:26saying you kind of love them both how does three weeks measure up to three years it's

23:36hard for me to say i didn't realize i was so terrible in three years i'm not saying you're

23:40terrible but if it was just me if i didn't want children no problem i can deal with her messiness or i

23:45can deal with her inconsistency and i can deal with being annoyed because it's just me but when

23:49i think about having children that's what's fucked me up i are you a god mother to any children no i

23:59multiple people have asked me to be their god and it's beautiful but that's because i do show up

24:03responsible i do show up as a person that can be a great mother and they all affirm me of that often

24:08so when you tell me you're unsure of the type of parent i could be i don't understand you so i feel

24:13like what is it actually it can't be just that i'm 34 i don't have many viable years and if this

24:20person's not ready then let me find somebody who's ready are you also confident that this xander

24:29person is going to give you that in these three weeks we had lots of talks about what we would do

24:35how we would handle it finances she is on the right kind of insurance that would cover she also

24:41has money aside that would cover any kind of like outside expenses and she saw that account you have

24:49seen her finances for this you guys have talked that deeply about this first time hearing this

24:57makes much more sense as to why you're so in love because i was confused and now i'm not finances this

25:03changes the game mal to be completely clear i'm not judging you based on your bank account but like

25:10ivf is a very real possibility have i not shown up that way are you starting to save for it yes you're

25:17not doing that you have not done that okay okay yoli i'm tripping i'm really tripping right now okay goodbye

25:33no this situation is just up trash complete trash it's trash sometimes love is not enough

25:46and yoli is kind of saying that love is not enough

25:55if i propose would you still approve

25:57never heard you pause this long on a question

26:11what is best for mal

26:27hi zoe today is the last night that we're spending together so i just want to stay in and

26:34cuddle and like talk to you about life

26:41before me coming into this experience i wasn't deeply thinking about marriage and all of a sudden

26:46now i actually am thinking about marriage with you we both want the same things working together and

26:53like getting to where we need to be next that's something that i lived through like before when

27:00i was married i learned so much from it and i just what did you learn from it looking back at it i know

27:06that i was not in love with my ex i married her because i trusted her you married her because you trusted her

27:13i did marry her because you know no that's not with her like so yeah i'm not truly in love but i do love

27:19them as a human as a person as what we have but the fact is you were actually never in love with your

27:26ex-wife yet you married her that's very scary because i actually am thinking about marriage with

27:34you you telling me that you love me which i'm sure you did with her and now i'm thinking in my head

27:42what does that mean to me i don't think that people that marry only marry for one reason tiff we both

27:49really strongly wanted to have businesses and we both looked at life in the same direction so you

27:55married your business partner that's like a little red flag to me i thought i loved her in the moment that

28:05i decided to marry her we decided to go sign a paper and go do what we thought marriage was

28:12i mean a lot of people were like you guys are crazy like this is so fast like what if it doesn't work

28:16you know i didn't care about all that i like wanted to do it because i wanted to do it what

28:20you're saying right now is like it's it's bullshit now you go back and forth between i love this

28:25person but no but i wasn't in love or i didn't know what love meant or i didn't like it's your version

28:29of love is all over the place do you really take marriage seriously because maybe you just want

28:36these ideas of marriage more so than you actually want the person like do you think your son deserves

28:43to have parents that are in love with each other i think you'll never know that because you don't have

28:47a son and you're not a single mother and you don't i know you don't know what child and you don't know

28:51what it's like you don't know what it is to be the child and that's why i want you solid with me

28:57to know when you say that you love me and that makes i need to know what that makes sense by my

29:01actions in the past you're sitting here defining my love for you with the love that i had for my

29:08ex-wife but what i will not allow you to do is to tell me that the same way i was confused when i

29:13married that that's the same way i'm confused right now that i won't allow you to because i know

29:17what i feel i see failed marriages everywhere around me i'm just like dude why the would someone

29:25want to get married to someone that isn't in love with them to begin with i'm gonna break you break

29:31you down i know that right now that i'm solid and i know what i feel and if that's something that is

29:44not enough for you then maybe that means that you're not the person that i need to marry

29:58how do you feel about it being a lost night together i'm very independent yeah but obviously you're not

30:04the only one with insecurities i hate to say it but i've had moments um i physically felt the wall

30:14that you put up i physically saw a different face on you like those were some very lonely moments

30:24this experience has highlighted for me i gotta be intentional every interaction every emotion like

30:32the good the bad and the ugly every moment in this experience matters my ability to hear you when

30:38you tell me of your needs that is so tied to the root of all the other issues i'm trying to solve

30:45like unconditional love towards myself if i could fix the root of the issue then i think that when i

30:52have self-love i'm able to love you yeah i'm actually embarrassed to um for you for me for you to see

31:05like to meet my family you're embarrassed i'm embarrassed all right because like they're like my

31:13brother was trying to say in a really nice way like they're pretty close-minded people

31:16obviously the goal here is that we are hoping to get engaged at the end of this if this person

31:25sees me being my full authentic self as a bad thing then what are they doing in my life

31:32we shouldn't be surrounded by people who are trying to bring us down we should be surrounded

31:37by people who empower us and make us feel like we are amazing and beautiful and strong and all of those things

31:43yeah i would like to experience what it would be like to grow up in a happy home

32:03i really believe that if it wasn't for my experience with my grandma

32:07i wouldn't know how to love with everything i've been through i don't think i would i would just be in

32:12pain and i would just not even know how to and i told you before too your brother too ron

32:20yeah he is a lot of how he is because you raised him yeah yeah thank you

32:32but i don't regret anything my mom did the best she could with what she had my dad even my dad did the

32:40best he could with the best he could with what he had you know so um and i know they did their best

32:47because everyone's doing their best in every moment yeah including you including me yeah you forget that

32:57one the most

33:10I would like our last night to be, like, peaceful and full of love.

33:30Sounds good.

33:31What do you want?

33:31Same.

33:32I want pizza.

33:36It's your sad girl food.

33:37Not you knowing me.

33:41It is.

33:43But this isn't light.

33:45This isn't picking a restaurant.

33:47Like, this is a big fucking deal.

33:50How do you think our trial marriage has gone?

33:52It's a little bit of a blur.

33:54Get to learn new things about you.

33:57In a good way or a bad way?

33:59I don't know.

34:00It feels like home.

34:01Like, you feel like home to me.

34:02And sometimes home is an amazing place to be.

34:07And sometimes home just isn't.

34:09But it's always still home.

34:13How do you think your trial marriage went with me?

34:16Um, I think at first it was super hard.

34:20It was hard and heart-wrenching for my own reasons.

34:24I was just feeling, like, bad, guilty.

34:27And then also kind of feeling mad at you.

34:30But those feelings settled, you are amazing.

34:33You have been showing up fucking incredible.

34:34More than I can ask for.

34:36Like, more than I imagined.

34:41I like who I've grown to be with you.

34:45Um, that doesn't mean it's been easy.

34:47It's like that growth spurt that I never had.

34:49But, like, I heard about everyone having growing pains.

34:51Where they had to, like, like, your bones hurt and you grow an inch overnight.

34:54That's what it feels like in here, like...

34:56The growth spurt, yeah.

34:58That's a perfect analogy.

34:59Growing pains and all that shit.

35:01Happened pretty quick.

35:02This trial marriage has been tough.

35:04I've shown up all the ways that I could.

35:06I've, like, led with love every single day.

35:09I'm not trying to pressure Yoli.

35:11I'm not trying to force her hand.

35:12But I can't help but think that this could literally be my final night that I spent with Yoli.

35:20Like, forever.

35:23Do you want help?

35:24I spoke to your parents.

35:28We're about, like...

35:30I asked for their blessing and proposing to you.

35:35It was both of them.

35:36And I was like, oh, snap.

35:39I was like, I want to be honest.

35:40I don't know what your daughter's going to say.

35:42But I want you guys to know that I love her.

35:45And I'm not just marrying her.

35:47I'm marrying you guys, too.

35:49Are you scared?

35:50Yes.

35:51Especially to speak to your father.

35:53What was really nice was to hear them be like, you're family to us.

35:56And they were just like, that's so nice.

35:58Like, you know, of course you have our blessing.

36:00That's not a question.

36:01And it's about time.

36:02Like, I'm proud of you because I know that must have been nerve-wracking, wrecking.

36:08And I'm sure you were nervous as fuck.

36:12And for you to stand up for a decision that you're about to make is huge.

36:17Family is number one for me.

36:18And to see you honor my family before trying to start creating family with me is what I wanted since we started this process.

36:30What I'm really proud about us is the way we are really dedicated to figure things out together.

36:39I like doing life with you.

36:43Me, too.

36:44Is there anything that's making you question yourself in moving forward?

36:49Okay.

36:50Mm-mm.

36:51Which is really odd for me to make you so sure.

36:59Thanks.

37:11Wow.

37:11Super cute.

37:13A little waterfall for you.

37:14Cheers to any way you slice it.

37:21Our last date night as girlfriends.

37:24Oh, boy.

37:25For whatever that means.

37:30Woo!

37:33Do you remember that date where I had, like, handwritten out the menu?

37:39That was when you were really trying to woo me.

37:42Really was trying to woo you.

37:43Life with you has always just been good.

37:46I think I really was hopeful that this experience would give us what we needed to take that next step.

37:54I do feel like it's always been you.

37:56I've never really wavered in that.

37:59I've always known.

38:04Well, this is getting hot.

38:06Getting hot in here?

38:08You want to take off all your clothes?

38:10I might have to take off some of my clothes.

38:11I really love you.

38:14I know I love you.

38:16I know this.

38:17I love our three years.

38:24Every time I talk about this, it makes me cry.

38:27I love you, too.

38:28I don't want to lose what we have.

38:31But, like, I need more concrete answers right now.

38:36I am still, like, going through, like, well, what about this?

38:41What about this?

38:42What about that?

38:42Like, you know me.

38:44I know.

38:44I think forever is hard for me.

38:47This is a big commitment.

38:48It's a weird situation.

38:50It is the ultimatum.

38:51Like, I feel back against the wall, and it's either making a decision or losing you.

38:56But there's, like, so many factors that kind of get in the way or, like, block me or make me second-guess things.

39:06You can talk about Vanessa.

39:08That's okay.

39:11Yeah?

39:12You have no secrets?

39:13No bodies in the closet?

39:15Yeah.

39:15I already said it before.

39:20I'm just trying to, you know, give you the room to feel settled in whatever decision you make.

39:30I've told you how I feel about it.

39:34This is weird.

39:35Yeah.

39:37You're going to make the decision that's right for you, and I'm going to make the one that's right for me.

39:40This is weird.

40:05Hot toddy.

40:06Love it.

40:08It's funky.

40:11It's definitely funky.

40:18It's so interesting because so many heavy conversations.

40:21But also, like, you just say funky the way you just said it, and I'm like, that's my Xander.

40:25I feel like I've lost you, and then I'm like, there she is, though.

40:28And I love those glimpses.

40:29Like, this experience has changed me so much.

40:34To, like, come into this experience thinking that I'm ready to get married, and then to be so confused and feeling like I don't know who should be my partner, and I have feelings for two people.

40:44Something I've been thinking about a lot is my capacity to love and how that affected our relationship for, like, four years.

41:03Like, I really feel like I didn't know how to love.

41:13Like, I loved you, but I didn't realize until being here how much I could love someone.

41:22So now, looking back, I realized that I didn't give you all the love I had in me.

41:30I see all of your change.

41:44I also always knew you did love me.

41:48I wouldn't have stayed around if I did it.

41:57I'm not over this yet.

42:00I'm not over this yet.

42:30I love you.

42:40I love you so much.

42:51You're all packed up.

42:52I see you by the Shiloh.

42:54Hi, little baby.

42:55Decision day is coming, and there's a chance I could lose the love of my life.

43:04I would love to just take us away from here, but I also know I need to be chosen.

43:09I don't know how the biggest parts of my life would look without you.

43:13The unknown gets decided.

43:18I don't know if I'm ready to face that.

43:24I don't know if I'm ready to face it.

43:26I don't know if I'm ready to face it.

43:30I don't know if I'm ready to face it.

43:32Okay, bye.

43:34To breathe you in again is all that I want

43:41We'll, like, we'll never be who we were.

43:46Whether we were together or not.

43:49I haven't given up.

43:50I'm just in a place where I'm like,

43:52what else can I say?

43:55Like, what else can I say?

43:56Nobody tried harder than us.

43:59Nobody believed in us more than we did.

44:01I really don't have words for how this feels.

44:06I don't know how this feels.

44:20Our couples accepted the ultimatum just two months ago

44:24and committed to experiencing two visions

44:27of what marriage could be.

44:29All to find out, am I really with the person

44:32that I could spend the rest of my life with?

44:34Or is there someone else out there

44:36who might be a better fit?

44:37Who has found the one?

44:41Who will propose?

44:44Who will walk away alone?

44:47Now, time is up on the ultimatum.

44:50I don't even know what I'm feeling.

45:03Confused?

45:04Um, overwhelmed?

45:06I can be leaving here engaged to Mal,

45:09leave here with Xander,

45:11or I can leave alone.

45:13This has been a very trying experience.

45:17I'm feeling...

45:19anxious.

45:21I mean, I felt better coming in here

45:24than I do leaving.

45:29I'm feeling pulled in two different directions.

45:32I have...

45:34Mal, who I wanted to marry, coming in here.

45:37We have this history, we have our love,

45:39and, like, I think that Mal wants to work

45:42and see this through

45:44the way she has been in the last three weeks.

45:46Then I've got Xander.

45:49We connect in so many fucking ways.

45:51We want the same things.

45:54We respect and love each other the same kind of way.

45:58And who has said she's ready to, like,

46:00do this thing with me?

46:02So it's not so much I'm uncertain.

46:04I'm very certain of what it would look like

46:05with either one.

46:07I just don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do.

46:10I received the ultimatum,

46:12and now it's time to decide what I'm gonna do.

46:16I don't even know.

46:17I've been waiting for...

46:20I've been waiting for...

46:24I've been waiting for...

46:32We came into this experience

46:44on two very opposite ends of the stick.

46:46I wasn't dragging my feet for no reason.

46:50But this experience has revolutionized my idea of marriage.

46:54It's not about,

46:55do you guys have enough savings to do that?

46:56It's about Yoli and I.

46:58Issuing the ultimatum,

47:04I have been forced to confront all the issues

47:07that I didn't even know were holding me back.

47:10My needs were not being met.

47:13But there's also my love and support.

47:20I want Yoli to be happy.

47:22I love her with everything I have.

47:23But she's expressed to me

47:25that she's in love with two people, so...

47:28I'm torn.

47:29I'm not nervous telling Yoli

47:31how I feel at this point.

47:33I'm nervous this could be

47:34really the last time

47:36that I have the chance.

47:40My heart and my mind

47:43are in two different places.

47:45I want it all.

47:46I want my...

47:47what could be life with Xander,

47:48and I want what my life with Mal has been also.

47:51I want to go for a while.

47:53God, I'm going to fucking vomit.

47:56Like, either way,

47:57I'm scared of losing somebody who I love.

48:06I just don't know who I want to spend my life with.

48:14I just don't know who I want to spend my life with.

48:21Oh, God.

48:26Oh, God.

48:28You look good.

48:30You look great.

48:31Very good.

48:32Yourself.

48:34So...

48:38Do you want to get closer?

48:39Are you good?

48:40I just don't know.

48:42Okay.

48:43I mean, here, I can get closer.

48:44No, you're fine, you're fine.

48:45Whatever's comfortable for you.

48:51Um...

48:57This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

48:59And when I think about our relationship in retrospect,

49:02I remember putting a wall up

49:04and closing behind and making you chase me.

49:07I don't want to do that anymore.

49:09I'm done doing that.

49:12I think you deserve the world.

49:13I've always thought that.

49:21What you said was beautiful.

49:22I, like, hear you and see you and believe you in what you're saying.

49:24What you said was beautiful.

49:26I, like, hear you and see you and believe you in what you're saying.

49:29But I just want you to know that I'm still in love with somebody else.

49:54I feel like I knew that.

50:01I haven't walked away.

50:10I wrote you something.

50:11I wrote, um...

50:24You're my family.

50:25You're my teacher.

50:26You're my best friend.

50:28You challenge the toughest parts of me and you still love me.

50:32You reflect all the best parts of me I don't always see in myself.

50:36The parts I don't think I always deserve.

50:39You're humble.

50:41You're a fighter.

50:42You're loyal.

50:43You're just the right amount of crazy.

50:46It has been the sweetest gift to watch you, to let alone love you,

50:51and even a bigger honor to join you.

50:54I choose you, Yoli.

50:56I promise to keep choosing you and us daily.

51:00I knew it was you three weeks into dating you three years ago.

51:09It's always been you.

51:10I know it's you now.

51:13And if it's not now, I promise to come looking for you in the next lifetime.

51:19But not without asking you.

51:26Will you do life with me?

51:31And will you marry me?

51:35Dangerous games.

51:57Whether I get down on one knee or not is going to alter the course of my life forever.

52:04This could be the first moment of the rest of your life.

52:08Or it could be the last moment of Ray and Lexi.

52:12In our three weeks together, there are just so many of those moments of just, like, you walking away.

52:21Yeah.

52:22I don't know if Aussie is ready to be what I need for me.

52:29I've had dreams of proposing to her.

52:35And I've had dreams of, like, watching her walk down the aisle.

52:38I really cannot imagine my life without her in it.

52:41I am definitely risking losing her forever.

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