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( NEW LOVE ) Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 7
Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 7
#TheUltimatumQueerLove
#BeyondtheLimitsofLove
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Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 7
#TheUltimatumQueerLove
#BeyondtheLimitsofLove
#PrimeUSTV
🎞 Please join
https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I just want her to see you that I want.
00:04Hello, Mama.
00:20Can I do anything?
00:21No.
00:23What is it that you're looking for right now?
00:25The perfect strawberries.
00:26What does perfect strawberry look like?
00:28What is that?
00:29Girl, some of them look beat up.
00:31Have you picked your blueberries yet?
00:33No. Happen next.
00:35So why don't you just grab a handful of blueberries?
00:38They feel a little bruisey in my fingertips.
00:40I don't want it.
00:41How nice is it to know that this human being is like,
00:44let me pick only the best strawberries for the person that I love?
00:46Incredible.
00:48You're welcome.
00:49Good answer.
00:50Amazing.
00:51You look like you're a little cold.
00:52Do you want a hoodie?
00:53I'm gonna go get one.
00:54You're doing stuff around the house.
00:55Mm-hmm.
00:56So that's been really helpful.
00:57Is that sustainable?
00:58Yes.
00:59I like it being like cleaned up or like, you know, making sure the shoes are over in that
01:17place and the catch-all is like here and there's that random shit in there.
01:21Mm-hmm.
01:22Or are you teaching me how the bed needs to be made instead of just throwing it over?
01:25Mm-hmm.
01:26I've been liking all of those things.
01:29What we're doing right now, is this what life looks like for you as a wife?
01:34This is great in a roommate sense.
01:35Like, this is awesome.
01:36But I would want it to be more romantic.
01:38Mm-hmm.
01:41In a romantic way, I'm having a hard time coming back to you.
01:48I love my friends.
01:49I do.
01:50But I wouldn't make breakfast for my roommate.
01:52I remember the first time I slept over, you made me breakfast the next morning.
01:57Yes.
01:58You were like, I've never done this for any of the girls who I've had over.
02:01And I was like, yeah, right.
02:02Because you were so quick to do it.
02:04No, I liked you.
02:05I liked you.
02:06And I still do.
02:09I still have pictures that I took of you when you woke up in my apartment.
02:16You used to take good pictures.
02:22Yeah.
02:25This is what life looks like for me.
02:27I like this life.
02:28I like this life with you.
02:34And I'm here to be with you.
02:36I'm here to leave with you.
02:37Oh, no.
02:38Me.
02:39I would just can't seem to get you off my mind now.
02:42What have you done?
02:43What have you done of me.
02:44Done of me.
02:45Done of me.
02:46Done of me.
02:47Done of me.
02:48Done of me.
02:49Done of me.
02:50Close your eyes.
02:51I'll make you count in 10.
02:56Do you believe it?
03:00Ytle.
03:01Ooh.
03:02This looks so delicious.
03:04I'm so excited.
03:05Okay.
03:07This is delicious.
03:08I think you're on a really good track for being househusband.
03:13That was always my dream, babe.
03:15Well, you played that really well.
03:18I did.
03:19Minus the house part, where you do things around the house.
03:26Babe, I always go.
03:28Enjoy the time.
03:29Cooking, yes.
03:29Mm-hmm.
03:30I don't think that's the only thing a househusband should do,
03:32is just cook and do dishes.
03:36I think a househusband should probably do more than that.
03:39And what is the definition of a househusband to you?
03:42Say you were making, you know,
03:44we were talking about the three times as much as me,
03:46and just say, like, okay, why don't you just not work,
03:48because it doesn't matter if you work or not,
03:50and, like, do our business, you know?
03:53Do you feel like you would rather want to do that?
03:55Of course.
03:56Like, not work?
03:57Like, just to focus on the stuff we love.
04:00Yeah.
04:00I was thinking about my view on gender and gender roles.
04:12And believe it or not, it has changed, like, just like...
04:16Wait, since when?
04:17Like, two days ago.
04:18Oh.
04:18I had this idea, it's kind of similar to our discussion
04:21about you making more money,
04:23Mm-hmm.
04:24that...
04:25It took for me to feel masculine,
04:28Right.
04:28which I do on the inside.
04:30I have to be the breadwinner.
04:32Right.
04:33Or, um...
04:34Because that's how you were raised.
04:36That's how I saw my mum and dad.
04:39Even when I would play house with my middle brother,
04:42I would tell him,
04:43I'm the husband, you're the wife.
04:45Make food for me, I'll be back,
04:47I'm going to go to work.
04:47I was conditioned with that traditional view.
04:52But I'm seeing it now
04:53that my role in a partnership...
04:57That's really cool.
04:58...in this modern world...
04:59...doesn't have to fit that.
05:02That's really cool,
05:03because that was one of your big blocks.
05:06Mm.
05:07Just the mere fact
05:08that you're starting to recognise those things
05:10is huge.
05:13And I see it now, boo.
05:15Yeah.
05:17That's good.
05:18I know.
05:19Really good.
05:21Just...
05:23Yeah.
05:25How I really see it,
05:27in terms of having to take care of the household,
05:31I would rather just hire somebody
05:33and neither of us be the house person.
05:35To me, it's so worth it.
05:39That was always my dream, babe.
05:42Just let go
05:43We can leave it all behind
05:47Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
05:51Just say so
05:53In search for your sunlight
05:56You've just been my person
06:00for the past three years, right?
06:02Like...
06:02And I love you a lot.
06:04Obviously, like...
06:27The other day we had a fight and it hurt a lot.
06:31Last night was good though.
06:33There was a point I just was like looking at you
06:35and I felt like for the first time in like a bit of time,
06:39like I was like falling for you again.
06:44I think that was just the top you picked for me.
06:46It was a nice job.
06:48I was a little worried about like whether or not
06:50we would be able to like explore intimacy
06:54with each other again.
06:56Because it's like how can you even begin to have conversations
07:01about an engagement if you're not intimate with one another.
07:06I think you tested me a little last night.
07:09Kissing you in the car was fun.
07:12I wasn't talking about the car.
07:14Figured you weren't.
07:18It was nice though.
07:20I feel excited about us right now.
07:26And that's, it's a really good feeling.
07:29Um, you know I guess I'm just thankful for the like chance to do this.
07:34And to see if we can fit back together.
07:38And I'm just thankful that you're trying.
07:41And you're giving me the space to figure out whatever the fuck is going on up here.
07:50Obviously like we know where we both stood coming into this.
07:54Do you feel like in any way like your idea of marriage has changed?
07:58I think I've always thought the same way about marriage.
08:01Marriage is a commitment to someone.
08:03To like grow with that person and build this life with that person, right?
08:07It's doing all the big like monumental like life things together.
08:13And it's special and you want it to be with the right person.
08:17But I think the finality of marriage always scares me.
08:22I am very aware of how like how much like I love you.
08:34And how important you are to me.
08:35You're the one thing I'm excited to come home to.
08:38I love having you sit out there and talk to me when I'm grilling steak.
08:43I like going on a drive with you.
08:47I like really love our moments.
08:49And they are not all big.
08:52And they're not all small.
08:55But they all mean a lot to me.
08:57I know that you fit into my life.
09:01And I know I fit into yours.
09:03And even more than that like I feel like I fit into our life.
09:07And I don't.
09:09I don't want to lose that.
09:11Because I really like our life together.
09:14I do have a good life.
09:16I know I can be a lot sometimes.
09:19I think for me teamwork is like a really big thing.
09:23I'm a good team player.
09:26Sometimes we're you know passing the ball over to you.
09:29And sometimes we're passing it over to me.
09:32The Brady to your gronky.
09:34The Brady to my gronky.
09:36That's what I'm looking for in life.
09:39I do think you're special.
09:41And I do think you're a wonderful person.
09:44And I think you deserve to see that when you look in the mirror.
09:49Whether you know it or not.
09:52So I promise to be there to back you up.
09:55And I promise that I want to just be your partner.
09:59Supporting you.
10:00And putting my heart into this.
10:05But I'm also gonna promise to keep giving you the space if you need that too.
10:11And I promise that no matter what happens.
10:15Good, bad or indifferent.
10:17I will always always make you feel loved.
10:21And to always show you that like when you need me I am here.
10:27I'll never let you go.
10:37No matter what might change.
10:40I'll always find my way.
10:43Back to you.
10:46It's nice.
11:01It's nice like feeling like we're dating again you know.
11:05It's wild.
11:07I'm getting to know you again.
11:09You're getting to know you again.
11:11And I'm getting to learn and know Vanessa 2.0.
11:16Lucky me.
11:18You are lucky.
11:19I'm awesome.
11:21My favorite thing is when you just like talk yourself up.
11:25Like I'm this shit.
11:27I think I need to do it now.
11:28Because if I don't I think I'll cry.
11:30So I'm gonna keep talking myself up.
11:33Good.
11:34Yeah.
11:35I love you.
11:36Love you.
11:37Since like you like have this new discovery of wanting to get married.
11:45What are some things that you like expect out of a marriage?
11:48I don't know.
11:49You'll just have to wait and see.
11:50I can't really describe how I'll be.
11:52Because I don't know.
11:53But I think I'm much more open to making long term decisions.
11:58Which is cool.
11:59It's wild that it's like not even like scary for you.
12:02It doesn't feel like it is.
12:04I mean it's more exciting than scary.
12:06A marriage is a lot like what we've had for these last few years.
12:11True.
12:12And we've grown a lot since the beginning.
12:14Yeah.
12:15You know?
12:16I feel sad that I was not present.
12:28And I hate that.
12:30I love who we used to be.
12:31I love who we used to be.
12:35And now it's changing.
12:36Every day.
12:37And then we don't know where it's going to end up.
12:38And then we don't know where it's going to end up.
12:43Do you trust me and figure it out?
12:44Yeah.
12:45Do you trust me and figure it out?
12:46Yeah.
12:47Yeah.
12:48Yeah.
12:49Yeah.
12:50I love who we used to be and now it's changing every day and then we don't know where it's
13:05gonna end up. Do you trust me and figure it out? Yeah.
13:20You come with me?
13:45You know that's what you first said when we first met? Yeah. You know you said,
13:49ew. Yeah. I like how your earrings are wearing. Thank you. You look really good too. I like that
13:55turtleneck. It looks sexy. We've been going through so much for the last couple days. I don't know.
14:04It's just really hard when it comes to like conflicts with you. Like you know? I think
14:08we're both guilty and like we come off like we're accusing already. We make up facts in our head
14:14and make up our own conclusions. That's why we interrupt each other. We both talk a lot. We
14:19don't value each other's voices. Well I'm sorry for interrupting you. How often do you feel like I
14:26don't let you talk? All the time. So I should just be quiet? No. When do I have permission to speak?
14:32It's not that you should have permission to speak. It's a common respect. Because now that you're
14:36telling me that I interrupt you when we're having a conversation clearly. Like even just now you
14:41spoke over me. Okay so how do I not feel like I'm interrupting you all the time? But you do that
14:47by not interrupting. And same for me. Not interrupting you. But Tiff you talk a lot.
14:50Like you don't shut up. We need to both feel heard and feel understood. Being in a child
14:55marriage with you. I believe that I've been pretty attentive to that. No. Is that? You haven't.
15:01And I'm gonna tell you why. Because. Would you like me to finish talking? I don't want to be with a
15:04person that doesn't allow me to talk. Because just the same way as you feel disrespected. So do I.
15:09I'm a Latina. And when you're Latinos like everybody speaks over everybody. You've been
15:15to my family's house. Like if you don't speak louder then you're not being heard. And I'm an
15:18asshole. And I tend to speak over people. Okay. I think that you're confusing that. Because
15:22you can stop being an asshole. But I can't stop being a Latina.
15:27I am a Latina. And I'm always gonna be a Latina until I die. What do you want me to do?
15:31Being respectful has no race. Mildred. I cannot marry someone that blames being Latina.
15:38That's why she can't show human decency. I never said that. Did you not just use that
15:43as your fucking card? That's not cool. I'm not gonna argue with you no more. Because
15:47I might never interrupt you again in your life. So don't worry about it.
15:52It's bullshit. We are going down to the fucking wire. This is. Stop yelling.
15:58If you can talk however you want to. Whenever you want to. You could probably find someone else.
16:03I mean I'm always gonna love you. I'm always gonna. You're always gonna be someone I love.
16:11But I need unconditional support from my partner. That's what I need. It doesn't matter how much
16:15I love you. It doesn't matter what it is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It doesn't matter how much
16:18you love me. Pressuring into a engagement. You just don't want the pressure part. That's
16:23what it is. Because you want to walk out of here with me without feeling the pressure.
16:31I'm just. I'm done talking about fucking marriage. Like this is stupid.
16:36I lost here. You know. Like I don't. I don't fucking matter.
16:39Like it's just. That's what it is. I'm going off of what you're telling me.
16:42Can we go. Right. Oh my god. Back to the way things used to be. Cause we're. Not. Better at night.
17:03I'm going back to what I'm doing. Bitch. Don't. What? High five.
17:09Okay. God be with you.
17:14Ah. Stop.
17:21You wish.
17:23You wanted it.
17:24I wanted it.
17:32I win. Good job.
17:36I win.
17:39Here's what you got to do.
17:41I'm trying to put it and ride in.
17:44See with my heart you break.
17:45It's your body.
17:47What the fuck are you doing?
17:48What the fuck are you doing?
17:50You only are you.
17:51I'm trying to fucking.
17:53I don't know.
17:54I'm done.
17:56Somewhere.
17:57God damn it.
17:57Damn. Watch my face.
17:59Ooh.
18:02You're foolish.
18:03You're a fool.
18:05What's happening?
18:06You.
18:07So we're meeting your brother today.
18:26He helped me out a lot.
18:28Yeah.
18:28Um.
18:29He'll be the first person in my family to try and call me by my name that I go by now instead
18:35of my dead name.
18:36Whereas even my closest friends back home in Australia still calls me by my dead name.
18:41His hair is so long.
18:45Does he look like a rock star?
18:48Run.
18:49How are you doing?
18:50You look so cute.
18:52I love what you're wearing.
18:57So how do you do?
18:59Pretty good.
19:00Yeah?
19:00Yeah.
19:01Things are a lot better now.
19:05Cheers.
19:05I'm sure you both have a lot to process.
19:08100%.
19:09Yeah.
19:10There's a choice.
19:11Do we still go home with each other?
19:12Because I'm engaged and not just going home.
19:15Right.
19:16Big time.
19:17Miss that part.
19:18Engaged.
19:19Engaged.
19:20At the end of this.
19:21Like actually.
19:22Like actually.
19:23Like actually.
19:24Like really.
19:26Ooh, scary.
19:27I know.
19:29Right?
19:30So engage to me.
19:31Mm-hmm.
19:32Or we leave single.
19:33Okay.
19:34Yeah.
19:34So have a big decision.
19:35We both do.
19:37What do you think about Aussie getting engaged potentially?
19:41She should just do what makes her happiest.
19:44It's okay to be single.
19:45It's okay to be married.
19:47Don't worry about what other people think.
19:48Yeah.
19:49I feel like the way we were raised, our parents, especially mum, would like tell us every little
19:54thing we need to do.
19:55Yeah.
19:55And what to think.
19:57Yeah, exactly.
19:58And what to think, right?
19:59Yeah.
19:59So she never encouraged us to think for ourselves.
20:01No.
20:01Well, they're first generation immigrants.
20:04So they're very, um, you know, traditional Chinese, Catholic.
20:08Yeah.
20:09Kind of very, you know.
20:10My family's the total complete opposite.
20:13Oh, really?
20:14My family's pretty accepting.
20:16They're very open-minded.
20:18We play board games.
20:19Mm-hmm.
20:20What a family.
20:21I know.
20:22I hear about these sorts of families.
20:24We do.
20:24We see it on TV.
20:25We see it on TV all the time.
20:26Backyard parties.
20:27Music.
20:28Music, singing, like, all of it.
20:29They dance.
20:30Our family.
20:31You haven't even, like, told them.
20:34Yeah.
20:34You know, your sexual orientation.
20:36Yeah.
20:38That's a huge one, Ron.
20:40My mom.
20:41Do you know what she has done?
20:42She's asking me, like, hey, do you want to meet my friend's son, who's a doctor?
20:46Denial's a powerful thing.
20:51I'm trying to grasp the idea of what that life is going to be like in terms of being received
20:58by, like, the family.
20:59Like, am I going to have to be pretending to be a friend?
21:02And my ex before was not out.
21:05Yeah.
21:06And so it was, like, very hard.
21:09Yeah.
21:10Yeah.
21:10Having to pretend all the time.
21:12Okay.
21:13Well, it depends on whether my sister, you know, tells them she's gay and that you're, you know,
21:19her romantic partner.
21:20I've never had anyone that I would potentially want to marry.
21:27And now that I do, you're absolutely, I'm like, you're my partner.
21:32You know, that's how I'm going to introduce Sam to the family.
21:34But, like, this is the first time thinking about getting married to a woman.
21:38And I'm just like, that's going to, that is going to be the thing.
21:43We look to other people to make choices for us.
21:46Yep.
21:46Now we need to learn how to make our own choices.
21:49Yep.
21:49Lead my own life for once.
21:52Yeah.
21:53So, Sam, would you actually leave my sister if she chooses not to marry you?
22:01If Aussie's not in a position to get engaged, that is what happens.
22:07It's been really stressful.
22:25Thank you so much for setting this up.
22:27I've been processing a lot of emotions and just thinking about a lot of, you know, it's just
22:35like diving into our relationship and kind of thinking about us.
22:38I think that there's a lot of good things that's come out of this whole experience.
22:44I think we've learned a lot.
22:45I think part of the apprehension of wanting to propose is I notice that throughout the two
22:58years that I've dated you, we do get in fights in the heat of the moment, you know, you just
23:04toss me away.
23:05You just kind of throw me away, you know?
23:07And then after many times and dozens of times, it started to hurt so much that it started
23:14to become numb.
23:15And it didn't make me feel like I was disposable, you know?
23:21You always say that people in my life have left me before.
23:25People in my life have just, like, given up or I've given up.
23:29And, like, I've just been trying to prove to you that regardless of everything that we've
23:33been through, that I think the one way that I can show love is to stay.
23:41I think when everyone else wouldn't.
23:43You know, we did get in the heat of the moment.
23:45In that moment, I understand that I may have hurt your feelings.
23:48It wasn't my intention to.
23:50It truly wasn't.
23:52And I understand you have every right to feel the way you do.
23:56But I noticed in that moment you just completely threw me away again in a sense of, like, no,
24:03actually, I won't be your fiancé, you know?
24:05And that, to me, hit very, very hard because it felt like this trial of marriage symbolizes
24:16something that is much deeper than the relationship that we had back home.
24:21To me, it symbolized, like, we are married.
24:26And that's what terrifies me, Mildred.
24:29It terrifies me that we could get engaged or married and then one day wake up and you want
24:40a divorce just because you're upset.
24:42That's something that I can't come back from.
24:45And it's the biggest decision of my life.
24:47It's supposed to last a lifetime, not be thrown out next week, not be thrown out ever.
24:53I've been thinking about how every time we have a fight, I run away, you know?
25:03And I throw you away and I say, it's over.
25:06Looking very deep into our relationship, I'm afraid.
25:11I'm afraid of, like, telling you that I love you.
25:17I was so afraid of being rejected.
25:20I was so afraid of feeling so strongly for you.
25:27Like, I have never felt like that for anybody in my life.
25:29I've always had problems with having adult relationships.
25:35And in this experience, I've learned that if I'm going to sit here and blame somebody for
25:41something they did, I need to point fingers at myself first.
25:44I failed and I'm sorry.
25:47I've been thinking about everything I want to tell you and how much I love you.
25:50And that all you wanted to do is love me.
25:54And you always showed up for me and you never left me.
25:57And I'm sorry that I couldn't see that.
26:00I'm sorry that in our two-year relationship, I couldn't give you the credit that you deserve
26:06for always showing up for me.
26:07Even after I broke up with you, you were at my doorstep the next day.
26:13You texted me.
26:14You were there for me every single time.
26:15And that means so much.
26:17That means so much more than anything.
26:21And, like, you're still here.
26:23And you don't know how grateful I am for that.
26:25And I will always love you for that.
26:30I'm hoping with my heart that it's not too late to recreate everything that could have been.
26:38It's now or never.
26:41And if you let me, I can...
26:44I can show you that every single day.
26:48I can't be afraid anymore.
26:49These are the strange days
26:53It is so much.
26:55Life plays out in the strangest way
27:00I want what you want
27:07To be all right
27:10To notice, to find my face
27:14Like, I am nervous over everything.
27:18I got your back.
27:19I think I've shown you that I love you no matter what.
27:23You have.
27:25Hey!
27:28Hi, babies!
27:30What's up?
27:31Hey, mama!
27:32I'm going to my girl.
27:33Hold up.
27:33Hey, baby!
27:35You look so good.
27:36You too.
27:37Hi.
27:37Hi, wifey.
27:39Ex-wifey.
27:40Sorry.
27:41No, what the hell?
27:42You want a drink?
27:43I'm going to define you.
27:44Thank you for coming out with me.
27:47If you even try to kiss me with that lip.
27:49Kiss you.
27:50Look.
27:51I'm going to do that.
27:53I think it's cute over here.
27:55Really cute.
28:00Oh.
28:00Can I have an Aperol Spritz?
28:15Yeah.
28:15You okay?
28:16Yeah.
28:17Okay.
28:17Oh.
28:18Yeah, you're always a brother right now.
28:19This way and that way.
28:20Hello.
28:21Hi.
28:22How's it going?
28:22Good.
28:22How are you?
28:23Good.
28:23You okay?
28:24You too.
28:24Hello.
28:25Let me see.
28:26Picked it out myself.
28:27What?
28:28Yep.
28:29You look good?
28:30Good to see you.
28:31Hi.
28:31How are you?
28:32Great.
28:33You're good.
28:34Vanessa messaged me to let me know that Xander and Yoli were communicating.
28:39There's a piece of it that just feels a bit manipulative.
28:42Vanessa, we are not friends.
28:43What's up?
28:44How are you?
28:45Good.
28:45How are you?
28:45Good.
28:46Good.
28:50Can I grab you?
28:51Yeah.
28:53Can you join us?
28:55Oh.
29:01So I just want to talk.
29:03I am curious to know why you sent me the DM that they were speaking.
29:08It was a big surprise to me and I felt like I didn't want you to be blindsided at the end
29:13of it.
29:14No.
29:14I mean, she told me and if you're bothered about it, like, ask, tell her to stop talking
29:18to Xander.
29:19They're allowed to have that moment and that's, that's fucking okay.
29:22Like, that's why we're here.
29:24I just kind of felt like you were trying to stir the pot for me.
29:26You have every right to feel how you want.
29:29Vanessa thinks that she's a fire starter, but like, she feels more like a fruit fly.
29:33Like, you see one fruit fly show up and you're just kind of like, ah.
29:37So just from my own heart at this moment, there was nothing that was problematic that they
29:40were sending to each other.
29:41It was just the fact that they were talking.
29:43That was the only problem.
29:45You know, we had asked for a selfie and it was just like, there were a few things that
29:48made me uncomfortable.
29:49Like, well, but I didn't hear that when you told me.
29:52And I didn't think that that happened, but okay.
29:54I don't remember what happened either.
29:57It's because she thought that I sent you something.
29:58The message said, I don't want to see it if it's not a selfie, winky face.
30:01And then you sent a photo.
30:02Oh, in response, yes, I could see that.
30:04In response to what?
30:06Some.
30:06Since we're here.
30:07All right.
30:08Something, I'm assuming something she posted.
30:09Maybe like, you being somewhere.
30:11It's like, if you're, stop posting like where you're at.
30:13Like, send a selfie.
30:14So that was probably it.
30:16Okay.
30:17That's it.
30:23That's the only question I had?
30:25Yeah.
30:26Do you have any questions?
30:28No.
30:29I'm going to go take a shot.
30:33That was it.
30:37That's a part I didn't hear.
30:38Okay.
30:39Didn't think it happened.
30:42Are you guys all feeling like, ready to make a decision in whatever this is?
30:46Like a week, I guess?
30:48What do you want?
30:49I'm coming.
30:49Okay.
30:50How do you feel about the decision?
30:52What just happened?
30:53You know, I don't know.
30:55I just don't understand.
30:59Hi.
31:00Hi.
31:01Stop.
31:04Hi.
31:10How have you been?
31:11I miss you.
31:12I miss you too.
31:14I kept thinking like, you know, like, what were those feelings?
31:19Was I like dreaming for three weeks?
31:21Okay, no.
31:21Like, I'm still thinking about her a lot.
31:24And.
31:25You were?
31:26Yeah.
31:26I think we had an amazing time together.
31:34And I would hate to see that, that it ends with this experience.
31:40Do you feel like that you like grieved it to the point like where you're like.
31:43Grieved what?
31:44You and I?
31:44Yeah.
31:45Like, or like, I guess like do you feel like that you like got over us?
31:49Like.
31:51Okay.
31:54Right now, I.
31:55I'm sorry.
31:56I don't know.
31:56I don't know what to do.
31:58I got like so many memories built up in here that like I can't grieve it because I have
32:05so much thought that there's like a potential.
32:13It's hard shit.
32:17You're so cute.
32:19You look cute.
32:21Where's the jacket from?
32:23Zara, duh.
32:25Can't bring that back to Hawaii.
32:27Well, take me somewhere else.
32:29How's it been going?
32:41With Yoli?
32:42Yeah.
32:43Um, up and down.
32:48Come over here.
32:49You fucking hot ass date.
32:51She's a trial life I never had.
32:53I think everybody's going inside.
32:55Everybody's going inside?
32:55Yeah.
32:56Oh, yes.
32:57Okay.
32:57I want to tell you the nail salon story.
33:00It's going to, like, she, I've been, I've been hyping this story up.
33:05You know, I go on Groupon a lot.
33:07And so I want to Groupon.
33:10What do you see?
33:11Hmm?
33:12What do you see?
33:13No, I can just throw it in.
33:15Oh.
33:16Bitch, you're crazy.
33:18I see what you're doing here.
33:19Trying to involve yourself in my relationship and my trial marriage.
33:22For fuck's sake.
33:23Stop.
33:24I do have to go over there.
33:25Are you avoiding me, right?
33:27I'm not.
33:28You are?
33:28Are you avoiding me?
33:29Maybe.
33:30How have you two been?
33:32Most of the time it's been pretty good, but we've...
33:35It's been challenging.
33:36But, like, in a really good way because we're both showing up differently.
33:41Yeah.
33:41This shit has been intense.
33:42Yeah.
33:43Yeah.
33:44I'm going to talk to Mildred for a second.
33:45Okay.
33:46Okay.
33:52Oh, boy.
33:52I don't miss you.
33:53I don't miss you.
33:57I don't miss you.
34:07I love you.
34:11Can you mess my head up?
34:15Like, I feel what you guys are feeling right now.
34:18It's so big and it's just so strong.
34:24Can I step in?
34:26Do you want me to not step in?
34:27You can do whatever you want.
34:29What do you want?
34:29If you just stick to the person, if you just stick to the person...
34:31I don't know.
34:32It's very intimate.
34:33I like how you want kids and how you're texting about that and that you want it to be a marriage.
34:38And I think that you sticking to who you are, I think that would be...
34:41I can walk away with you.
34:42I don't miss anybody sticking to what they actually believe in.
34:47How are you going to leave me?
34:50You okay?
34:52That's a loaded question.
34:55I honestly kind of want to go back and, like, join that conversation because it was a conversation that was...
35:00Mildred was speaking up about something that's very important to her that relates to me, that relates to Xander.
35:07And I kind of want to go back to that, to be so honest.
35:09So I don't want you to feel like I'm not thinking of you.
35:12I am.
35:13Is it a conversation that I can join or that you don't want me to join?
35:16I think it would be more authentic without you there.
35:20Just...
35:20I just want to...
35:22There's just some questions that I have not had answered.
35:24So I just want, like, maybe, like, five, ten minutes, if that's okay.
35:28It's not long.
35:29So the trust thing, you need me to trust you in this?
35:30Please, yes.
35:31Okay.
35:33Okay.
35:35Go for it.
35:39This shit is not easy.
35:43I need you to know.
35:44No, it's not.
35:45It's not?
35:45I'm not okay either.
35:47It's like you're not.
35:48I'm not.
35:50Wake up.
35:51No.
35:56Are you in line sight of somebody?
36:01No.
36:01Can you look?
36:02I don't know.
36:04Yeah.
36:04Let's go back.
36:07Still line sight?
36:08No.
36:08Okay.
36:10Am I?
36:11No.
36:11I don't want to overstep my boundaries.
36:14And, like, I know that, like, I should be willing to go there.
36:17No, I respect you for not wanting to overstep your boundaries.
36:19So I don't want to.
36:21But I do want to make sure that, like, you do know how I feel.
36:25And I feel like that you do.
36:26Okay.
36:28But you know, right?
36:30I think I do.
36:33I guess I'm just trying to, like, figure out where you're at.
36:37But...
36:37Let's do this thing.
36:39Let's do this thing.
36:43I don't know how I'm married.
36:44Yeah.
36:45That's all I need.
36:46Do you feel good?
37:03Do you?
37:13It's okay if you don't.
37:15I do, I don't.
37:16I do and I don't.
37:17If Mal wasn't showing up,
37:20she really does just want what's best for me also.
37:23She's been supportive as fuck
37:24and, like, very much, like,
37:26not even trying to get me to not be...
37:29Is that what you want?
37:30Support?
37:31So support is something you want.
37:34The things that she's giving to you, though,
37:36is it something that you could get out of...
37:40a friend?
37:46You don't have to answer that.
37:47I just want you to think about it.
37:50I am trying to be as receptive to
37:52the way she's showing up romantically
37:54outside of being just friends.
37:57I'm coming from a relationship with you
37:58where the romance was very much there
38:00and intimacy.
38:01Yeah.
38:02And the support.
38:03I don't know how to differentiate that right now.
38:08You don't need to tell me anything.
38:11I know.
38:13I do want to, like, explain
38:14and, like, tell all these amazing things
38:16about, like, why we could work,
38:18but, like, I also, like, don't want to feel like
38:20I'm, like, a second pick.
38:23I don't feel like that I can 100% rely on anyone, you know?
38:29I don't want to feel like I'm not being chosen anymore.
38:35I feel like my heart and my mind are in two different places.
38:46I am still in love with Xander.
38:59If me and Mal were further broken apart, I would marry Xander.
39:04But I love Mal.
39:06I don't know.
39:08Am I crazy for caring at all?
39:13Am I crazy for caring at all?
39:17So you're torn.
39:21You've been so set on being married for her
39:25for a long time, from my understanding.
39:28Yeah.
39:29What changed?
39:30She met Yoli.
39:31I don't think you guys came in here intentionally, like,
39:36I'm going to fall for this other person.
39:38But, like, regardless of all this shit,
39:39I love Yoli, period.
39:41And I respect her enough, and I love her enough.
39:43If it is you, then, like, okay, it is you, right?
39:47But, like, I love Yoli.
39:49I've been through shit with Yoli.
39:51I know things about her.
39:52I know her baggage that she comes with.
39:54I choose Yoli at her very worst.
39:56I choose her with all the trauma.
39:58I choose her when we weren't shit.
39:59I choose her when she can't provide shit for me,
40:01and I still choose her.
40:03Do you choose Yoli?
40:05No disrespect to you.
40:06No, no.
40:07Great question.
40:07So I'm asking, like, do you choose her?
40:14It's conflicting because, like,
40:15I love you, and Yoli loves you.
40:17Vanessa's asked me hard questions like this,
40:19and I'm like, I very much am usually someone
40:21that, like, wants to try and, like,
40:23respond and answer as quickly as they can.
40:25I know everyone's dying to know,
40:26but, like, I can't feel like that I can do that
40:29appropriately right now.
40:32Does she know that?
40:34I mean, let's bring her in here.
40:35Let's talk about it.
40:36I mean, I don't know.
40:37She's like, I don't want you, like, kissing her.
40:39I'm sorry.
40:40I know you guys are talking about something serious,
40:41but somebody said bring Yoli in here
40:43and talk about it.
40:43Grab your purse.
40:44Grab your purse.
40:44I hate to, like, spot, like,
40:46Yoli and I's relationship right now, but...
40:48Oh, God.
40:49Here we go.
40:50So, just to catch you up to speed,
40:52like, I've loved you at our worst.
40:55I still love you.
40:55I still choose you.
40:57And I was just asking you, Xander,
40:59I'm curious to know if you choose Yoli
41:00the same way I choose Yoli.
41:02I mean, no, because I...
41:04That's not the history that we have.
41:08But do you choose her?
41:10I'm choosing myself right now.
41:12Fair.
41:14Fair.
41:15I would hope that you choose yourself also.
41:23This isn't, like, the decision night.
41:25It's not.
41:40So, was tonight the fun cocktail party we envisioned
41:43or the dramatic 2.0?
41:47I don't know where you went, but...
41:49I know where I was.
41:52How was it seeing Vanessa?
41:54She asked me at one point,
41:55are you, like, avoiding me?
41:56And I'm like, I don't know, maybe, I don't know.
42:00It's just so awkward for me.
42:01It's so uncomfortable.
42:02I don't know why you couldn't just be honest with her.
42:05I'm not looking for her to be a part of our life.
42:08And if you haven't set that boundary,
42:10how will that boundary be known?
42:11I don't know why you're going to be a part of our life.
42:15What?
42:16You, like, look at me, like, with disgust.
42:19Like, as soon as, like, she walked up
42:21and, like, we, like, like, touched for a second.
42:23I don't want that.
42:26How do you not get that?
42:29I made it very clear that I needed to be chosen.
42:32This was such a simple way for you to choose me.
42:39I thought we had a good night.
42:40We did.
42:41I just still feel...
42:42You obviously didn't.
42:44I didn't.
42:44She hugged you first.
42:48I maybe, like, went like this
42:50and literally didn't even look at her in the face.
42:54I didn't.
42:56Okay.
42:57You think I made, like,
42:58really intense eye contact with her?
43:00Like, I didn't.
43:01She still clearly has power in this relationship.
43:07It sucks, but...
43:08Oh, my God.
43:09No, I'm not saying that about you.
43:11It's, like, ridiculous.
43:11No, no, no.
43:12I didn't say that about you.
43:13I...
43:13It affects me.
43:15Not you.
43:15I'm not asking you to walk away right now.
43:21All I'm saying is it bothers me.
43:23I don't want her in my life.
43:25I'm in this with you.
43:26I'm trying to think about you.
43:28Like, like,
43:29why are we even talking about this situation?
43:31Like...
43:32Because I want to feel supported.
43:34I do support you.
43:35It doesn't mean I need to, like,
43:36not look someone in the eye ever.
43:39Like, you wanted me to be like,
43:40fuck you, like...
43:41No, I just wanted you to not look at her
43:43and to just not talk to her.
43:45I feel like I didn't engage.
43:48I didn't look at her once tonight.
43:50She's fucking with our life,
43:51and I don't like it.
43:53I don't like it.
43:55The antagonistic behavior?
43:56She's not a stupid person.
43:58In the way she manipulates,
43:59in the way she behaves,
44:00she's plenty calculated.
44:02Let me go poke there.
44:03Oh, my relationship with Xander's not working out?
44:05Mm.
44:06Let me go poke there.
44:07She has calculated, right?
44:09Down to her fucking core.
44:12She is calculated and full of shit.
44:16Not a good person.
44:17Not a good person.
44:22Anything I want to talk about,
44:23it's like you shut it...
44:24or, like, you make a joke about it,
44:25and, like...
44:28There, because you had good times with her.
44:29I get it.
44:31I did have an experience here.
44:33Like, it was hard.
44:35Just as we're having an experience here.
44:39I'm sad that, like, this turned out like this,
44:47because it didn't...
44:48I don't know, we talked last night
44:49about, like, just wanting to have, like, good moments.
44:52And I felt like today we had that.
44:54Like, it was with you.
44:55Like...
44:56Part of this process is identifying our values.
44:59I can't tiptoe around this shit
45:01before we get engaged.
45:05Why are you making that face to me?
45:07I don't know what to tell you.
45:09All you can focus on is, like, the negatives.
45:11For the love of fuck,
45:12stop putting words into my mouth.
45:14Hmm.
45:14Please.
45:16Stop saying what I am
45:17and I'm not feeling right now.
45:19Yeah, it is hard when people do that.
45:22Then, like, just fucking don't be with me then.
45:27It's like fucking cancer.
45:28It just eats at you.
45:33This is the girl that looked me dead in the fucking face
45:35and told me what you did with her hands.
45:40That person.
45:43Do you know how hard it is to relive that?
45:48Oh, my fucking God.
45:50It was just a hug.
45:51It was a hug.
45:52I think she is more consumed
45:55by how she feels about Vanessa
45:57than the progression of our relationship.
45:59There's just so many ups and downs.
46:01And, like...
46:02At the end of this,
46:03we're supposed to have an engagement,
46:05and I don't know...
46:07how that can even happen.
46:09Okay.
46:10I tried my best.
46:11Like, I did my part,
46:13and my part wasn't good enough.
46:14It's so good, right.
46:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:22I'm so proud of you.
46:43Bye.
46:43Oh, I kind of want to get straight to it,
46:45because I just can't even...
46:46Damn, straight to.
46:47Okay.
46:47I don't even know what that means,
46:48but I'm here for it.
46:49I guess your conversation
46:51with Xander,
46:53you guys were talking about
46:55me and Xander's relationship.
46:58I just was like,
46:58are you sure of Yoli
46:59the way she's sure of you?
47:01Do you think I'm sure of Xander?
47:03Yes.
47:04What do you think I'm sure of?
47:05You've been sure enough
47:07to let me know
47:08that you're unsure of us
47:09because of Xander.
47:13But no matter what,
47:14even at our worst,
47:15I still choose Yoli.
47:17If she chooses you,
47:18I still choose Yoli.
47:19Like, that's my person.
47:21And I just want to know
47:22if you choose her the same way.
47:23And she said,
47:24I don't know.
47:25I can't answer that.
47:26She didn't choose you, Yoli.
47:28You're literally taking
47:29the choice away from me.
47:30I'm not.
47:30You're taking my autonomy
47:32away from me
47:33because I'm not ready
47:34to make a choice.
47:35I never took away from that.
47:37I've showed up
47:38very consistent to you
47:40this entire time.
47:41Now I'm taking
47:42your autonomy away
47:42because I'm not, like,
47:44crucified over this?
47:45I think that's unfair
47:46for you to say.
47:47When you ask me
47:48how I feel about Xander,
47:49there's love there,
47:51there's comfort there,
47:52there's ease there.
47:54But there's also comfort
47:55and ease
47:56and love with you and I.
47:58You can't have us both.
48:01I'm very much
48:02in love with you.
48:03What I can't lie about
48:05is that the romance
48:06is not there for me.
48:07I tried a little bit
48:10last night.
48:10I felt comfortable
48:11and I'm doing my best.
48:12Like, I'm here.
48:13I'm showing up.
48:14And I'm so grateful.
48:16So grateful.
48:17Do not take it
48:17for granted at all.
48:19At all.
48:20Okay?
48:20I'll show up
48:21the way I'm showing up
48:22and I'll make that consistent
48:23because I can do that.
48:24I can commit to that.
48:25We go to intimacy therapy.
48:26I can commit to that
48:27and we can get through that.
48:29But, like, at what point
48:29do I keep neglecting myself?
48:31I will love to ask
48:33the same questions.
48:33I waited fucking
48:34three years for you.
48:35I get that you did that.
48:35Stop cutting me off.
48:36I've waited three years
48:38for you to get to the point
48:39of being hell yes.
48:40Okay.
48:41And now you're expecting me
48:41to be like,
48:42oh, I see how Miles
48:43has been showing up
48:43for the last two weeks.
48:45Now she's my hell yeah.
48:46Like, that's really
48:47fucking shitty.
48:48Is it shitty?
48:49It is shitty
48:49because you haven't
48:50showed up like that
48:50in the last three years.
48:51It took you three weeks
48:51to make somebody else
48:52a hell yeah.
48:53They showed up like this
48:54right off the bat.
48:54Is Xander your hell yes?
48:57Is Xander your hell yes?
48:59I can't say that,
48:59but I will say that
49:00it doesn't seem as cloudy.
49:01As much as you deserve
49:06your hell yes,
49:07I also deserve my hell yes.
49:09And if I'm like your kinda,
49:10or like maybe it could be
49:12and I love her so much,
49:12but possibly,
49:14if I'm not that,
49:15then let me go.
49:16What if I don't
49:17want to let you go?
49:17I cannot imagine
49:23how hard this is
49:24to be in your position
49:25at all.
49:26But I'm asking you
49:27to not just like
49:28give up.
49:30I'm not trying to give up.
49:31I'm here.
49:36Do you want a hug?
49:42What are you talking about,
49:44Yoli?
49:44Do you want niggas
49:45to die for you?
49:46You want to see both of us
49:47fight for you
49:48and bleed
49:48so you can see like
49:49who actually died for me
49:50and who didn't?
49:51I'm going to pick that person.
49:52Is that what you want?
49:53No.
49:53What do you want from me?
49:55I am dying for you, fam.
49:57What do you want?
49:58Thanks.
50:00Fucking give me a break.
50:02Shh.
50:03It's okay.
50:04You're just going outside.
50:08Ah!
50:08Ah!
50:11Broken
50:11I'm shutting down.
50:30It is done for me.
50:31It is done.
50:32I'm done.
50:33I'm done with all of this.
50:34I am done with this entire thing.
50:39I'm done.
50:40I have nothing to say.
50:41I'm done.
50:41I have nothing to say.
50:42I have nothing to say.
50:47You like these pants, huh?
51:12Yeah.
51:17To be honest, I'm just so relieved that that night is over.
51:26My biggest bummer of the night, I'd say, through everything was realizing that Ray really wasn't going to talk to me.
51:33If that's how she's going to be controlled by a 24-year-old, they don't need to be together.
51:37Because, like, she chose you, that should be meaningful enough for her to stand her ground and be like,
51:44I'm going to talk to the person that I had a trial marriage with.
51:46Yeah.
51:47You talk to Yoli a lot.
51:51I'm like, I see that she's with Yoli and I will not look over and I will distance myself so I cannot hear any single word that is being said.
51:57I'm like, you did fantastic.
52:03Holy shit.
52:05I was so proud every time I looked over at you tonight.
52:08I feel like we're at a point where, like, I don't need to be forcing a distance between you and Yoli.
52:16It just didn't feel necessary.
52:19Everyone's team Yoli.
52:20They're like, you need to choose Yoli now.
52:22Like, if you're going to choose her, choose her.
52:23I'm like, you don't need to gang up on me.
52:25And, like, I'm not ready to choose right now.
52:26Like, this is, like, why today is not the decision day.
52:28And, like, that's not what I came in here for.
52:29God, what a fucking thing to say when you came in here wanting to marry someone else.
52:33Like, also so fucking disrespectful to me.
52:35We're going through some shit.
52:39Yeah.
52:41It fucking sucks.
52:44You hurt me a lot.
52:46But I love you.
53:01I love you, and I want to be with you.
53:04I mean, I want to end up with you.
53:05I would love that.
53:06That would be my ideal end to, not this experience, but, like, life.
53:13I will always love you.
53:15I've said that since day one.
53:17That's what I need to remember.
53:22You're amazing.
53:24It really is really nice to hear.
53:26Oh.
53:35I'm excited to make the most of our next few days again.
53:46Me too.
53:47Better than we've ever been.
53:51This is, like, it's happening.
53:55This is our time.
53:59Oh.
54:01Better than we've ever been.
54:04This is it, it's happening.
54:05This is our time
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