- today
#ShowFilm98
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00:00Oh my god, oh my god. I can't believe you're doing this. I could never. My nipples are like,
00:12don't hear and talk of me. Look at them. Look at those nipples. No, I'm not looking.
00:17You're gonna have to stare at my nipple. When that's happening.
00:21Hey guys. Hello. Hello. I'm ready. Coming into this experience, I couldn't make a decision on
00:28whether I was ready for marriage with Lexi. Lexi was upset that Vanessa and I chose each other.
00:34Vanessa has like this freeness to her that I don't see in myself. She's the kind of person that I think
00:40goes for things that make her happy regardless of like what the world thinks. Lexi has a very
00:45specific vision of what a marriage looks like. I'm still undecided. Is this a vision that I want
00:52for myself? I'm still trying to figure out what's right for me and what's making me happy. So often
00:58then I take myself off in front of a man. Here we are. Ray is nervous for me. I can feel your
01:03nervous energy. She's like, holy shit. Are you gonna tell me like when you're running? Yeah.
01:10No, I just, I just playing. No, I, oh, I know. I'm just scared. I'm just realizing that I've done
01:14this to myself. Just breathe. Okay. Okay. Holy shit.
01:17Ah, ah, ah. No move. Ah, ah, ah. That was insanely painful.
01:28That's my fucking nipple. My hand is so sweaty. I'm so sweaty.
01:33We're gonna do the other side, right? Yeah. Yeah. Switch sides. Holy sh**ing sh**.
01:38Oh my God. Thank you. One, two, three, in.
01:47That one was quicker. Holy sh**. Good job. You're done. You did it.
01:54Do you want the picture now? Yes. I'm gonna take a selfie with my nipples.
01:59Oh, Lexi's gonna love that picture. That one's for her.
02:03Yeah. What do you think Xander's gonna think? She hasn't seen me in a while.
02:08This was step one of me redefining who I am by myself, potentially without Xander.
02:15Shall we continue our night, do something fun, and I'm gonna just keep flashing you my titties
02:21all night. All right. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Let's go take these nipples out.
02:24Yes. And then you flash me yours.
02:27And we're both the ones who, like, issued the ultimatum. Right.
02:41It's been really cool to, like, kind of have a fresh start with someone who has similar values to me.
02:46And it's made a difference. I don't want to have to fucking keep telling my partner
02:51to, like, clean up after themselves. Like, I'm like, I don't want that mother-child dynamic. Right.
02:56And you literally, without any kind of stress or anxiety, like, just, like, do it.
03:02I enjoy very much being that support system. And you're sweet. And not bad to look at.
03:08Like, it's like, and we have a good time. So I'm just like, oh, okay.
03:14I thought that I had things figured out. And, like, now I'm just, like,
03:18now I'm not sure where I'm at. I'm not sure,
03:21I guess, like, how sure I was before. It's stressful.
03:26You know? The past few years with Vanessa stresses me out. Do I need to reevaluate that
03:33I'm going to be married to someone that I came here with? Or, like, the things that I'm seeing
03:38in you and that we have. Like, if that's what I need instead. You really do want the best for me.
03:44Now you think that you vocalized and showed me that, like, right away.
03:50You are special.
03:52She sips.
04:00I don't want you to be with me.
04:06It's one little problem. Someone else has come between us.
04:12I don't really like your girlfriend. I think she's just another interest.
04:17I don't iron anything.
04:23Really? You don't iron anything?
04:25No.
04:25I have to do a lot of ironing.
04:27I don't know if it's because I'm lazy or I just don't care.
04:29No. It's been about a week. I've been living with Ossie. And I feel so extremely, like,
04:37I don't know how to say it. I don't know. I don't have the words. But I just felt like
04:41200 pounds just got off my, like, back because it feels good. It feels nice. It feels homey. It
04:48feels like I have a lot of comfort. And with Tiff, I didn't have that. I wanted it so, so much,
04:54and then it just happened.
04:56Today was such a good day.
04:57Oh, yeah.
04:58I was getting moments of, like, you're making me think about all this stuff. Marriage and about,
05:04like, what we're doing. You know, I was just like, whoa.
05:08I had that moment, too. I was like, hey, I'm experiencing new things.
05:14I know this is something that for you was, like, a little, maybe a little scary, a little new, a little,
05:19like, cut you off guard. Yeah.
05:22But you're amazing. Aww. Yeah. Aww. That's sweet. I think, okay, there's potential here for,
05:30you know, long-term commitment. So that's why it's super important to, you know, get you to meet my
05:36best friend. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. Ossie's so wonderful and very supportive. So I'm happy that
05:45I'm doing this journey with Ossie. I just can't wait for the next two weeks to see how much more fun
05:50we're gonna have. Look at her. She still hasn't, like, moved. Like, she's just stretched out even
05:56more. Zoe, are you gonna let us lay on the bed? Hello? Not yet. Hello? She don't care. No.
06:14It's really cool to see, like, when we were cuddling the very first night. That was super easy.
06:18Like, grabbing your hand or touching your hair or something like that. I know you mentioned
06:22McIoli. Building the friend foundation was really important to you. It's interesting. With you,
06:27some of my rules bend a little. So I guess they weren't rules as much as I thought they were.
06:33I feel like you came in here with the most specific timeline. Are you worried about, like,
06:38what it would mean to get married to somebody? Like, could your timeline change? I think I could just be
06:42more sure sooner. How much sooner? Like, six months? A year?
06:51You helped me realize that we could be engaged and we can build the things that we want together,
06:57and I don't have to show up, like, everything to take care of you. We can do this together. Yeah.
07:01So the timeline, it completely, like, changes my... Oh, so I didn't just change your timeline. I
07:06ripped your timeline. You revolutionized my whole world. Like, should we leave this thing engaged?
07:10Oh, so you think there's a chance that you could leave and we could be engaged? Sure.
07:17You do have, like, good intuition. Like, you can trust yourself. I think so. I'm starting to understand
07:21that more. Right?
07:31Did you get a lot of sleep? Yes, I did. I just remember you saying,
07:44I'm going to the dog park, and then the door closed, and then that's all.
07:48Can I be honest with you? Yeah. On the dog situation that's going on right now? Yeah. Well,
07:56I slept on the couch with the dog last night, and I feel like I'm compromising by not
08:05kind of even putting you in a situation where you have to deal with my dog on the bed.
08:15You know, with Mildred, she's always been afraid of dogs her entire life. And she was like,
08:20look, I know she's a big part of you. Like, that's your baby. So I'm going to figure out a way to make
08:27this work. Yeah. Well, and I also think it's different because I'm not Mildred. And I think
08:32the line is getting blurred. I've never said, like, no, the dog cannot do this or that. I've never
08:39said that. Yeah, no, no, I know that. I know that you've never said that. But I also feel like
08:43this is a trial of marriage. Yeah. Um, and Shiloh is non-negotiable.
08:50Okay. So I'm put in a tough position too, because that's your non-negotiable. But then I also have to
09:11take care of myself too, and make sure that I'm not just like lying to you and just bottling things
09:16up, saying like, oh yeah, let's just do it. And then I'm just like suffering. I see the lack of,
09:24with all due respect, the lack of giving a shit about the dog. And I don't want anyone to be around
09:30my dog that doesn't give a shit. Like, I just don't. I want someone to be around my dog who is 12
09:35years old to be around someone who cares. Because at the end of the day, that's what she deserves.
09:40That's my child. That's what I'm going to do. I'm just not meeting your expectations.
09:46of how you want me to act towards you. But like, I am that nurturing, loving person with animals.
09:55I find that very hard to believe.
09:59I feel like I've been put in a really difficult situation.
10:03And it almost feels like this dog is a lot more important to them than any relationship
10:10in their life. And I can't help that she doesn't want to hear what I have to say.
10:14I cannot be the person that you want me to be. And I cannot feel bad about that.
10:20I'm asking you to act like you care about my dog. Like, it's not that hard. I want eight hearts.
10:29What the fuck am I going to do? I don't care if you have the most gorgeous face,
10:34the most gorgeous body, the most gorgeous personality, and the most supportive system.
10:40If you don't like my dog, you can get the fuck out.
10:51It's just so nice.
11:13You know what I mean? This? Yeah, I know. It's flying by.
11:20It really is. Can we request another week? Like, there's just like so much more that I want to do.
11:25You can't have her glasses kiss. Ready? Oh, that is the nerdiest thing.
11:43If our real marriage were anything like the trial marriage, I'd be pretty happy.
11:51I don't love my ex any less. I mean, it's just conflicting. It's like, oh,
11:54shit, I think I like really, really, really like Sander and what we have going on too.
11:59Can you hold this? Yes.
12:05Now we're talking. Oh, emotional.
12:12Things are so great and so awesome and so seamless. And I wish we could take
12:16us and see how we deal with like sex.
12:21I feel like everything else fits so well and so like seamlessly.
12:23I'm like, what if that just like sucked?
12:28Well, I mean, a long sip. We gotta, I guess we gotta figure this shit out, so.
12:35I mean, I want to. I think it just is like the natural progression.
12:40I feel like you're looking at me and I don't know.
12:46The eyes are going.
12:49Do we have time to work out?
12:52What kind of workout are you trying to do?
12:55Well, you know the workout we're trying to do, but.
12:56Oh my God, I fell down. Hug me.
13:01Oh, this is a set up. You are so.
13:05I know.
13:06You're not falling for it.
13:08Oh my God, I'm so excited to meet your friend.
13:25And you know what? She doesn't know anything.
13:27She's going to be like, where is Sam?
13:29What is happening?
13:29Yeah.
13:35Oh my God.
13:37Mo?
13:38Hi, I'm Mildred.
13:39Hello.
13:40Nice to meet you.
13:41Nice to meet you.
13:43I'm so happy you were to make it.
13:45I know.
13:45So what, what is all this?
13:50Oh my God, your guys' life is so contagious.
13:53Ozzy, this is like a whole, another different side of you.
13:56I know.
13:58I told you.
13:59Oh, you have to see.
14:02Where did Mildred come from?
14:03I know.
14:03That's what I'm still wondering.
14:07So, I was given the old tomato by Sam.
14:10Like, she's ready for marriage.
14:12And now we're going through this experience to figure out like,
14:15Mildred is more compatible with me.
14:17Okay.
14:18So now we've moved in.
14:19Wait, you guys are living together?
14:21We're living together.
14:22I know.
14:22We should get a drink.
14:26That'd be so cool if you switch spots,
14:28so I could, you know, get to know you guys as a couple.
14:30Hold my purse.
14:31I'm just kidding.
14:32For sure.
14:32I'll move this over here.
14:35Ah, damn.
14:37Now we're in the hot seat.
14:38Yeah.
14:39You guys sleep in the same bed.
14:40You guys do shit too?
14:42Oh, my God.
14:43Oh, my God.
14:44Wow, you have a slippery mouth, you know?
14:46I'm just asking.
14:47Right.
14:47We have nightmares and we snore.
14:49What else do you want to know?
14:50Yeah.
14:51All right, ladies.
14:52Oh.
14:53Food.
14:53Escargo.
14:55So how did she give the ultimatum?
14:57I'm like...
14:58Yeah.
14:58Like...
14:59You guys have a talk or what?
15:00We'll have a talk.
15:01And then somebody...
15:02It kind of goes like this.
15:03Are you going to marry me?
15:04Like, are we going to be together?
15:05Is this going to move forward?
15:07Yeah.
15:07Or you're just blocking traffic at this point?
15:09That's what I said to my partner.
15:11For lack of a better term, what's your rush?
15:14I don't have a rush.
15:15I'm a single mom.
15:16Okay.
15:17You know?
15:18I've always been, like, independent.
15:20Mm-hmm.
15:21And I'm like, I want to be with somebody.
15:23And I want to know that the person that I'm with is the right person.
15:26I didn't get it.
15:27I was like, why this, like, why the rush?
15:29So, like, she's been with Sam for two years and she didn't want, like, marriage.
15:32But then, like, we went on three dates.
15:34The third date, you were like, I want marriage.
15:35I was like, I need to change my list.
15:38I know your ass.
15:41I do.
15:42I mean, you were, you had issues with fucking commitment and shit.
15:45Yeah.
15:46All of a sudden, you're ready?
15:47What do you think marriage is supposed to be about?
15:55You're stuck with someone forever and I'm not, my not.
15:57Oh!
15:58What?
15:59What?
16:00You said stuck with someone forever.
16:02Yeah.
16:03That's my fear.
16:04I have a fear of it, being with someone forever.
16:08That thought is scary.
16:10I mean, what do you think it would be?
16:12That's why I'm like, I don't know, there's a block.
16:16To hear you say that, it just makes me feel very emotional.
16:20Sorry, it triggers me because Ozzy said to me on our third date, I want, I do want to commit.
16:25And to be married after this, it's very confusing and I'm not understanding why.
16:35I'm the good kind of a bad girl, working in my heels, kind of bad girl.
16:40Blood, sweat, and tears, kind of bad girl.
16:43Will it to the real, kind of bad girl?
16:46Not afraid to cry if I have to.
16:49I can make you change your mind if I have to.
16:52When my heart out seems like a tattoo.
16:55When I walk in the room, they already know who.
17:00So, after we argued, I noticed that, yeah, we needed time to cool off a little bit.
17:07Right.
17:08Let me ask you something, was the way I was communicating with you, where it got to the
17:14point where I was like, tearing up, raising my voice.
17:19Yeah.
17:19Did that really hurt you?
17:25I feel like sometimes, like, my past partners, like Ozzy, have so many, like, wounds and traumas
17:33and triggers that they haven't worked through yet that I don't always get to the point where I
17:38get to have the conversation after.
17:40Mm-hmm.
17:41So, I really, really want us to have the stuff come up that we need to work on.
17:48I really appreciate hearing that, because that feels like you're on the same team as me,
17:55despite us disagreeing on something.
17:57Right.
17:57You know?
17:58I really like that I can already feel that we can move forward.
18:04I don't know, do you see what I'm saying?
18:05We're in control rather than, like, our emotions and our past and all of that being in control.
18:12During our argument, I was feeling really out of my body.
18:17I would think I was going back into the same old patterns.
18:20In order for me to be a better person, either for Sam, for my ex, or either for someone new,
18:25I have to lean into love.
18:29I'm just glad that, regardless of ups and downs, that I can have this experience with you.
18:42My fans are soaked.
19:01This looks like the perfect beach picnic spot.
19:07I am out of breath.
19:08Wow.
19:10You are very, very pathetic.
19:15Such an athlete.
19:19I'm starting to wonder, maybe I don't need someone else's opinion.
19:25Maybe I can just trust myself, taking more time to, like, make a decision on my own,
19:31and then come in and have a conversation and be like, well, this is where I'm at.
19:35Monogamous relationships feel stagnant to me.
19:38Yeah, for sure.
19:39I have no idea if I'd want another relationship or just a hookup or if it could be with my partner.
19:46Like, I don't fully know.
19:48And I don't know how to appropriately explore that.
19:52Knowing how big this world is and knowing how many wonderful humans there are to connect with.
19:58If I limit myself to just connecting with one person to that extreme degree of, like, love and marriage and everythingness,
20:07I wonder if I'm always going to miss out.
20:11It feels a bit selfish for me to say that, so I don't know.
20:19Um, I do like to face my fears.
20:22Mm-hmm.
20:22Yeah.
20:28I'm gonna get in the water.
20:29Okay, have fun.
20:30Are you coming with me?
20:32Watch your body into the water with me.
20:35I'll hang out.
20:36Oh, it's cold.
20:37I'm just gonna feel very naked if you're not there with me.
20:42How did I know you were gonna do this?
20:44How?
20:50It's so cold.
21:02All right, fuck it.
21:03Okay, I'll do it.
21:03For real?
21:05Okay.
21:06Oh, let's see you talk in your sleep.
21:09No I don't.
21:32Oh, let's see you talking in your sleep.
21:34No, I don't.
21:36I do not.
21:37You do.
21:38You're lying.
21:39I cannot make this up.
21:40Oh, my God. What did I say?
21:42Random stuff.
21:44You also looked very good last night.
21:47I felt very good in that outfit.
21:49I didn't expect any different, but I was like, yeah,
21:51she definitely understands the assignment.
21:56I'm not always super body comfortable.
22:04That's hard for me to talk about.
22:06There's this side of me that's, oh, I'm supposed
22:08to be here in this moment and be like sexy,
22:10and I want you to look at me a certain way.
22:14I personally love your body.
22:19But I also want to respect you in that and make sure, like,
22:22you're comfortable and move at whatever speed
22:25you want to move at.
22:26And I can find, like, our intimacy in different moments.
22:30It doesn't have to be this traditional narrative
22:34that's played where I'm, like, super chasing you
22:36or, like, exoticizing you.
22:38Like, I fell for you off of, could I be with this person
22:43when I'm, like, 90 years old and we both look very different
22:48than we once did?
22:49That's what I was thinking about.
22:51It's just, it's a bonus that you're hot.
22:53I'm definitely looking.
22:56Not trying to make you uncomfortable,
22:57but I'm definitely, like, damn.
23:02Intimacy is an important part of a marriage,
23:04and it could take our relationship to the next level.
23:06But I think this trial marriage isn't just about, like,
23:10flirting or fun or banter.
23:13It's about being with somebody you could see marrying one day.
23:17There will be no surrender
23:21I got the fire in my eyes
23:25You know we ain't no pretender
23:29This ain't the final goodbye
23:37There will be no surrender
23:44Oh, good morning.
23:45Hey, good morning.
23:48How do you feel?
23:49I'm feeling very sleepy today.
23:51Yeah?
23:52I want to tell you how amazing you are.
23:55Oh, stop.
23:56You're, like, first thing in the morning getting up
23:58and, like, cleaning and stuff, so I appreciate it.
24:02I can help out more with that.
24:04I know you're not a morning person.
24:06I know.
24:06I like to sleep in.
24:07You know, I wish that you could just communicate more
24:11with me with that.
24:15I think our schedules are pretty in sync,
24:18apart from you being a morning person.
24:20Like, you like to get up super early and get things going.
24:24That's because I have to make my food
24:25and then I have to get ready for work.
24:29Right.
24:29You know, and then I have to, like, cook again.
24:31And then I have to clean, you know?
24:33Yeah.
24:34And then I have to wait for you to come out of the bathroom.
24:36That's a lot.
24:38I'm just, like, doing so much that I'm usually not used to.
24:42Right.
24:43I remember when we went on dates, you said you were going to cook for me.
24:45I know.
24:46And we even made a, like, grocery list together.
24:48Yeah.
24:49Ever since I met Ossie's friend, Mo, I noticed a different person in Ossie.
24:56The commitment is just, like, not matching.
24:59We share the fridge.
25:00We share the bathroom.
25:01We share the bedroom.
25:02But we don't share the house chores.
25:04And I'm excusing Ossie.
25:06But then quickly I realized that there's no excuse for you.
25:10Like, you were in this process.
25:11We're in a concentrated marriage for 21 days.
25:14Like, this is your moment to shine.
25:16Why aren't you doing these things?
25:17Uh, yeah, uh, I don't know what to say.
25:21I do, I cook at home.
25:23I mean, at my own place.
25:24Yeah.
25:25So does that mean I have to go to your house?
25:30I've been seeing my friends who have taken me out to dinner.
25:34So I've had leftovers.
25:35I'm just heating up my leftovers.
25:37So you've been on vacation while I've been starving at home.
25:42Yeah, and I bought a lot of frozen stuff.
25:44I had a meal plan.
25:47Yeah, well, I'll make an effort this way.
25:48Yeah, and you're lucky, because when Tiff cooks, I don't help.
25:52For me, marriage is like having sense of security and feeling safe with the person that you're going to spend your life with.
26:00Right.
26:00And I feel like that all just, like, fell down.
26:03I started to feel like I didn't know if I could trust you because I have a mindset that you're my partner.
26:09And I didn't understand why my partner would do this to me.
26:13I feel like my whole life, like, I've been let down by, like, everyone that I trust.
26:18Right.
26:18And I don't have a safe space because we don't have an equal partnership.
26:25Yeah.
26:26I'm not good with conflict and confrontation.
26:30I want to, like, just disappear.
26:32Make it right, you know?
26:37Make it right.
26:38Yeah.
26:49I feel like a Vegas girl.
26:51Nice.
26:52This finger on top.
26:53Now press up.
26:54You got to get the bridge.
26:56You let go of this.
26:59We'll work on it.
27:00All right, shall we?
27:05Can you do a bridge with your body?
27:07No.
27:08I can do a bridge.
27:18Let's find the space between you and I.
27:26I feel closer to you than I ever have.
27:32I remember when we first, like, locked eyes.
27:36Was that on the pier?
27:37Yeah, I think that was the first.
27:38I'm now looking in your eyes.
27:40I think you're beautiful.
27:42And I think we have a connection.
27:44Should we go to sleep?
27:58I love a good challenge.
28:02You're my little onion that I'm feeling.
28:05Oh, my God.
28:07I know what you're thinking.
28:10Should we, uh, turn the lights off?
28:14Oh.
28:15Oh.
28:16I've got to...
28:17I've got to turn off that light.
28:19Oh, my gosh.
28:20I got to.
28:21Are you not ticklish?
28:24Yes.
28:25A little closer.
28:27Keep doing that.
28:28That felt good.
28:30Keep doing that.
28:30That felt good.
28:31I can feel it in the air.
28:34This world is changing.
28:37Something different than we've ever seen.
28:53There's no reason to be scared.
28:56You've got to be scared.
29:10Stand up and face.
29:12Close your eyes.
29:13It's more than me.
29:15It's more than me.
29:18You've got to be scared.
29:20It's just the beginning.
29:21Oh, my gosh.
29:22Oh, my gosh.
29:25Who do you dream about when you're asleep?
29:40Where do you go?
29:48Where do you go?
29:52Like a bird in a golden cage
29:59I'll wait for you
30:03Last night felt very adult.
30:13Like XXX adult.
30:20You like giving yourself, you know, to me?
30:22Like it feels like really special.
30:24Mm-hmm.
30:24And it means a lot to me.
30:35Does it change your feelings about me?
30:37Or are you just like...
30:38It's almost like I had already done it so many times in my mind.
30:42You know what I mean?
30:43So like it...
30:44I almost like knew how great it was going to be.
30:52I guess like waking up, like what was like your first thought this morning?
30:59Hey, I wanted it again.
31:05Was it a bad thing?
31:06No.
31:08Oh, Lord, I never loved my lesson.
31:11Oh, well, only cucko's go to heaven.
31:14Do what I want and do it often.
31:18Now I'm soft because it's not my problem.
31:20I didn't think I would find myself in a position where I like care about you in the way that I do.
31:27Mm-hmm.
31:28And genuinely like have feelings for you.
31:32And now...
31:33It's complicated.
31:36More than complicated.
31:38Mm-hmm.
31:38I would offer you this meal, but it's the worst meal I've ever made.
31:55I burnt the cauliflower and...
32:01How are you?
32:04Unwell.
32:04They kind of wanted us to talk about what happened last night.
32:12I had a lot of fun this night.
32:14I believe I fingered you.
32:17I think that was it, right?
32:21Obviously, we know what happened.
32:22How are you feeling about it?
32:25It was like a slice of freedom after we were in jail for a long time.
32:29Just in that sense was like euphoric, I think.
32:32Um, I like texted with Lexi and called her.
32:39She obviously wasn't happy.
32:41She's going to try to figure out what her life is like without me.
32:45Like, I fucking hurt her.
32:49And to hear her say that, um, we might not have any fucking future is, like, fucking hard to hear.
32:55She's just going on about how, like, how she has to tell her family and friends that I did this.
33:04And, like, she was like, her grandpa loves me.
33:06I don't know why.
33:08I don't know why anyone likes me, to be honest.
33:09She's like, I don't know how to call him and tell him that you did that.
33:12I'm like, yeah.
33:14I get it.
33:15Do you remind her how hot and irresistible I am?
33:18It's interesting because my last time I talked to Lexi, like, that last date, all she was doing was talking about how we are supposed to be in this experience.
33:29Like, how we really need to commit to it.
33:31And I'm just like, well, you fucking committed.
33:35This is your ex.
33:36Like, you're fine.
33:37You're in this new trial marriage.
33:38It's kind of like when Amish people go on Rothspringer or something, and they're like, oh, like, we're free for six months.
33:44And then they can decide whether they want to go back to Amish life or not.
33:47I feel like this is, this is that.
33:51So we should just have a threesome, honestly, at this point.
33:54Oh, my God.
33:56Too far.
34:00Just feel like shit.
34:02Yeah.
34:03You come into this process, right, and, like, you give each other the room.
34:08You give each other the space to explore everything this is.
34:12I didn't ask her to tell me she wasn't going to sleep with Vanessa.
34:14I didn't ask that of her.
34:16I tried to tell her to just be careful.
34:19Yeah.
34:20The type of person Vanessa is, I don't think she's here for the right reasons.
34:24The person who I thought loved me came here and then slept with that person.
34:31It feels like a betrayal.
34:38I'm going to, like, suck to my stomach about it.
34:46What happened here, like, was not love.
34:50This was not love.
34:52Why would I ever want to, like, marry someone like that?
35:00It sucks.
35:02It sucks.
35:04Selfishly, I'm annoyed because now it affects my process.
35:07But, like, we're here.
35:09You're this really smart, really beautiful girl who makes really good decisions all the time.
35:14It's super caring.
35:16The list goes on.
35:18So you're not as lost as you think you are.
35:20I know this sucks, but, like, you're good.
35:22You're good.
35:23You're okay.
35:24We're going to ride this wave together.
35:27I'm so appreciative to have you here.
35:29To show up and love someone.
35:30To show up and, like, care about someone.
35:32I love you.
35:33To show up and love someone.
36:03I'm so excited that I get to go out and I get to dress up and have fun and see everybody.
36:11I'm interested to see how Sam is surviving over there with Tiff.
36:16I'm sure Sam is going to vent to me and tell me that she can't get Tiff to shut up.
36:22Oh, absolutely.
36:27You don't need the bathroom?
36:28Not just yet.
36:29I'm in my shirts.
36:31Okay.
36:31But do you need it, like...
36:32I might need it at the end.
36:34Yeah, like, but what does the end mean?
36:36Like, how much time?
36:37Oh, I need, like, maybe 15 minutes?
36:39Okay.
36:40Of me out of the restroom?
36:41Yeah.
36:42Okay.
36:43So just let me know when you need to pee so I could get out.
36:45And then when you're not peeing, I need to finish getting my hair done and my makeup done?
36:49That's fine.
36:50Okay, cool.
36:52How come we're never communicating like this?
36:53This is cool.
36:56We've been doing it, mate.
36:57I would always say, hey, the door's open.
36:59I just showered.
37:00It's all yours if you need to come in.
37:02Knock on the door.
37:02We just did it one time, Aussie.
37:04Okay.
37:05I wasn't keeping track.
37:06I really don't care, mate.
37:07Whatever you need.
37:08Yeah, but you still have to be considerate of other people.
37:10I'm 100% considerate of other people.
37:14I feel like you say shit on camera to make me look bad, mate.
37:18It's something that's been bothering me.
37:21Oh, yeah?
37:26What have I said on camera that makes you look bad?
37:28I don't really want to talk about it right now.
37:30Well, I do want to talk about it because you just accused me.
37:33So if you can't accuse somebody and run away.
37:35I don't want to talk about it.
37:36It's fine.
37:37Then you should have never said anything.
37:38I don't know who it is you dated before that stayed quiet
37:43and you had the last talk, but you messed with the wrong person.
37:47I've been nothing but fucking nice to you.
37:49Wow.
37:50I've been there for you and you have been nothing but disrespectful
37:53and inconsiderate with me.
37:56Man.
37:57You avoid any type of conversation that I try to have with you
38:00on and off camera.
38:01That's not true.
38:02I was avoiding this right now because I'm not in a place
38:05to talk to you when you're like this.
38:07I have never done this to you.
38:09I have been nothing but nice to you.
38:10So don't sit here and say that you can't talk to me
38:12when I'm like this.
38:13You had two weeks to talk to me when I was calm.
38:16But now I'm not calm.
38:18I need to.
38:18Well, I need to.
38:19And now all of a sudden you don't want to talk to me?
38:26I don't want to go ahead with this conversation
38:29because it's not going to be constructive for neither of us.
38:34It's all yours.
38:48I've, like, haven't seen you guys in, like, so long.
38:50It's only two weeks.
38:51It's two weeks.
38:51Two weeks.
38:52Okay.
38:52Like, we're all sitting here.
38:53We're all obviously dating each other's exes, right?
38:56Or married.
38:57So, like, we can talk about the things.
38:59I think whether we wanted it or not,
39:01we're all learning things about ourselves
39:03and our partners and our relationships
39:05and what we want.
39:06And don't want.
39:07Yes.
39:07And don't want.
39:07And don't want.
39:08And don't want.
39:09You guys have secrets?
39:09I want to know.
39:10Give me something that your trial marriage partner does
39:12that bothers, like, not bothers you,
39:14or is, like, you didn't expect.
39:15Girl.
39:16Oh, my God.
39:17My partner poured ramen down our bathroom sink, so...
39:21Wait.
39:21What?
39:21Ramen down...
39:22So then what happened?
39:24That was it.
39:25That's all you got?
39:27Give us something else.
39:28Why is it me?
39:30I gave.
39:31Give me some shit about Yoli.
39:36I...
39:36You don't have to be scared.
39:38You can run her tea.
39:39No, I'm just trying to feel like...
39:40When I, like, walked in, I was like,
39:42why are there all these wine corks
39:44and water bottles everywhere?
39:47But Marge plays with the water bottle.
39:48She plays with it, but I was just like,
39:50what's going on?
39:51Like, why is there so much shit?
39:52Marge is the dog.
39:53Yeah, Marge is the little dog.
39:56That's it?
39:58Talking about them, about the noodles.
39:59You're talking about the water bottles.
40:00No.
40:01You didn't even say anything about Yoli.
40:03You just said about the dog.
40:04That's not...
40:05You're not getting a pass.
40:07But if you don't have anything, that's okay.
40:10But I kind of feel like you might.
40:12And I feel like you're a little scared to say something.
40:15Wait, about Yoli?
40:17Yeah.
40:22Are you kidding me?
40:25With all of Yoli's quirks and all her little sass
40:28and her, like, smart-ass mouth.
40:30Like, spill the tea, sis.
40:32You're hiding something.
40:34Or, you know, lying.
40:36All right.
40:38You know what I'm working with.
40:40Aussie doesn't want to talk.
40:42She's, like, not communicating.
40:44And I've tried so many ways.
40:46Well, it is harder to communicate with people who are avoidant.
40:50And Aussie is very much so avoidant.
40:52How do you, like, communicate with her if you know that?
40:55By not talking about it when Aussie's in a triggered state.
40:59And when is Aussie not in a triggered state?
41:03Aussie will usually have to go and, like, listen to meditations.
41:06And then that's when you can have the conversation.
41:09When does the moment come when you actually talk?
41:11When is Aussie fully meditated?
41:14And that might sound, like, very harsh to some people.
41:17A lot of times it's just feeling it out.
41:19Aussie's friends are very important.
41:21Like, Aussie will also listen to them.
41:23No.
41:23You know, she's 42 years old.
41:24She needs to step it up and communicate with her partner.
41:27That's what she needs to do.
41:28And I think that she needs to not have someone that's going to hold her hand.
41:35Well, that's the interesting thing, is that Tiff and I have been practicing a lot of really good communication.
41:41There's a lot of yelling and arguing.
41:44It was a lot like that in the first week.
41:46And then it started getting easier after that because I vocalized certain things.
41:50And, like, we actually kind of, like, dug deep a little bit.
41:53So, yeah.
41:54Wow.
41:55Kind of jealous.
41:56If I'm learning anything in this process, it is how I have to be able to lean into love.
42:05I have to be able to show up better to the table when love and marriage is on the line.
42:11So, two ultimatum givers, three ultimatum receivers.
42:15Just because if you're a receiver and someone else is a giver.
42:17Are you talking about sex?
42:18We're going a little deeper.
42:19All right?
42:19We're going a little deeper.
42:20I got in my nipples pierced.
42:25That's horrible.
42:29I have been living with an ultimatum receiver who I have convinced of marriage.
42:38I still believe in marriage through and through.
42:39Being with somebody who issued the ultimatum as well, and, like, both of us having the
42:47same hell yeah energy, it's been really affirming and it's effortless.
42:51It's drama free, beautiful.
42:54And it's a wonder that Xander hasn't been, like, picked up yet.
42:59I'm like, she's so phenomenal and so wonderful and so great.
43:03Do you?
43:05You've been saying that you don't want to marry her.
43:06I know the value she brings to your life.
43:08She brings it to my life.
43:09What value are you bringing to her life?
43:11That's what I'm trying to figure out.
43:12You don't know.
43:13That's what I want to work on.
43:15Four years together, you don't know what value you're bringing to Xander's life.
43:19I've never had to think about that before.
43:20I've been, like, even before Xander, my ex-boyfriend loved the shit out of me.
43:23Like, he would have married me.
43:25And, like, I've just been so blessed with these people who don't ask much of me.
43:29What is with the bullshit?
43:32I am surprised that Xander dated somebody like Vanessa for four years.
43:36When Vanessa talks, I feel sorry for her because it just sounds like she's just trying to grapple
43:41with how to not make herself look like a bad person.
43:45And that's a lot to juggle.
43:46I want to know where you stand in that.
43:48I don't know where the fuck you stand.
43:51I don't know.
43:53I don't know.
43:53I think that we've all have been given the opportunity to, you know, be physical and, like, let's talk about it.
44:03How do we feel about that?
44:08Maybe we should drink more for that.
44:10Wait, can you get a drink with me?
44:11Yes.
44:12All right.
44:13Be back.
44:14You good?
44:15I'm good.
44:16Sure.
44:16Appreciate it.
44:16I can't believe Nelda did that.
44:25I don't think she knows it.
44:26So, like, it's not my story to tell.
44:29And also, you know, I apologize to you.
44:32Apologize for what?
44:33For, like, interfering.
44:35Like, I feel like I've, like, placed.
44:37I will tell you that I would have never told you, Ali, that I was, that I did something.
44:40I accept your apology, but I want you to forgive yourself.
44:43Walk on your own shit.
44:44Okay.
44:45And just decide what it is that you want to do.
44:49Figure it out.
44:50I don't know what to do.
44:51I don't know what to do.
44:52And I can't answer that for you yet.
44:53I know.
44:55So, we go back?
44:56Yeah.
44:56I feel like when we head back over there, they won't have the question anymore.
44:59Okay, good.
44:59Okay.
45:00Let's go.
45:05Excuse me, friends.
45:06You guys are walking in into a very deep conversation.
45:08Just a warning.
45:09Sorry.
45:10Yes.
45:10I didn't mean to distract.
45:11I don't know.
45:11I was just, like, thanking Mildred.
45:13For defending me as a choice.
45:15Thank you for saying that.
45:16But my question is, everyone's there rooting for you.
45:19And you're there defending Vanessa.
45:22And she's basically telling you to fuck off.
45:27I didn't want to say anything that was, like, going to hurt anyone.
45:31Which I don't know what Lexi was talking about.
45:33If anyone has clarity on that.
45:36Lexi experienced something with Vanessa that super triggered her.
45:40That's what that whole confrontation was about.
45:42It was, like, I don't understand why you're here.
45:44I don't get it.
45:45But how and why?
45:46I don't understand.
45:47I don't know.
45:47I know.
45:47I'm not trying to lie.
45:48Yeah, no.
45:48I'm just, like, emotions are going.
45:49And I would tell you if I knew.
45:50But, like, I don't want to speak for her.
45:52Because I don't know their date.
45:53I wasn't there.
45:54I just know what my trial wife told me.
45:56But I think the overarching thing is that she doesn't understand the intentions of Vanessa.
46:00She doesn't understand the intentions.
46:02And to be honest, I don't either.
46:03Why is Vanessa here?
46:06I'm not here to keep talking about Vanessa.
46:09By you saying that you're not here to talk about Vanessa, that is you excusing her and dismissing her behavior.
46:16Own up to the fact that that's the person you came with.
46:18I don't feel her feelings.
46:19I'm not her.
46:20I am a whole different ass person than her.
46:22But I do think that we should give, we should believe now.
46:25I'm not excusing her.
46:26I'm not excusing her.
46:28But I will say that I am not trying to talk about my ex for this entire party.
46:49Love, Ray.
46:50I think I chose the best trial marriage partner I could.
46:53And we both came in this as ultimatum receivers.
46:57So, like, we're both really talking about marriage and what that means to us.
46:59And if we want that.
47:01I would say she's my, my literal best friend right now.
47:04And she's beautiful.
47:05Duh.
47:05We're just, we're really getting along.
47:07And we're trying to keep things as, I don't know, natural as they can and taking things slow.
47:19Yeah, which is, like, not what happened.
47:21It seems like the exact opposite.
47:26Is there a reason why you fucked Ray?
47:28I didn't fuck Ray.
47:30Oh, I'm sorry.
47:31Ray fucked you.
47:32No.
47:32And there was penetration.
47:34But wait, what's the funny part?
47:35It's not funny at all.
47:36I recognize that you don't like me.
47:38You're trying to find every way not to like me.
47:40And I'm trying to be very...
47:40That's not it at all.
47:41Hey, please, can we try to see how we can overcome it?
47:47Like, all we have is now, guys.
47:49I know.
47:49And I'm happy to be here with most of you.
47:51Yeah.
47:52Most of you.
47:53I'm really surprised she told you.
47:54Then maybe your frustration is that Ray told you.
47:57My frustration was, is with all of it.
47:59I knew coming into this, that Ray was going to trust the people around her.
48:04We had a date that I think was very clarifying as to who I think you are in this process and
48:12what I think you're here for.
48:14You went into a situation with Ray.
48:17You made it very clear to me on all of our dates that, like, she was your safe option.
48:20You're taking a person who is genuinely has the purest of hearts, who you had sex with.
48:26Like, why do that?
48:28I'm, I'm, she's beautiful.
48:29Like, I'm sad.
48:30No, no, no, that's not what I'm asking.
48:31Are you sexually attracted to Ray?
48:32Are you romantically attracted to Ray?
48:34No.
48:35Okay, so then this is not about Ray.
48:37You're not into her.
48:39Wait, wait, wait, wait.
48:40Lexi.
48:41You've said, I'm not attracted to Ray romantically.
48:43I don't, you know, I don't want to be sexually attracted to her.
48:46You end up have, like, being inside of the person I came here with.
48:50You have zero feelings for them, zero care about them.
48:54That's not true.
48:55You just said.
48:56You just said you have no romantic, no sexual, no physical feelings for this person.
49:00But you don't fuck friends.
49:02You don't fuck friends like that.
49:04I'm not falling into it.
49:04I'm sorry, I love you, but I wouldn't fuck you.
49:07I love you, I love you all.
49:08I'm not falling into y'all's vagina.
49:10I love Yoli more than everyone here, and I am not falling into her vagina tomorrow.
49:13And you're hotter than shit.
49:15I'm just a little curious.
49:16Ray kissed you, or you kissed Ray.
49:18You probably don't like this, but I don't remember who kissed who.
49:23Convenient.
49:23It's not convenient.
49:25It's just true.
49:26We got into bed.
49:27Then she saw the lingerie that was on you when you got ready that night.
49:30Did I have lingerie on?
49:32Yeah, you did.
49:34Yeah, you did, Vanessa.
49:35Wait, sorry.
49:36I'm just trying to understand at what point it stopped being intentional and started being coincidental.
49:40It wasn't coincidental.
49:41Was that an accident that happened?
49:43Like, there was literally an accident.
49:44Have you ever had your fingers inside of somebody else?
49:48Not bad.
49:50Never have I ever.
49:52I guess I should choose my words better, so I should have responded with, no, it wasn't an accident.
49:56She told me that you penetrated her.
49:58That's not an accident.
50:00It wasn't an accident.
50:00No.
50:01All I'm trying to say here, Vanessa, is that you ended up with your fingers inside of the person I came here with.
50:07Okay, this makes me sound really bad, Lexi.
50:10Did she penetrate you?
50:11She's led my hand to her vagina, and I do not want to say, I never wanted to fucking say it.
50:14But that is what happened.
50:15And you were like, all right, and I go.
50:17And I said, all right, and I said, all right.
50:19But, Lexi, like, I think you need to have this conversation with Ray.
50:21It is.
50:22It is a conversation I need to have her with Ray.
50:24Can I be totally candid with you?
50:26Fuck the sex.
50:27I don't give a shit about the sex.
50:29Genuinely, I don't care.
50:30You could have been inside her six nights a week.
50:33At the end of the day, like, whether I walk out of here single with Ray or with Mal, my problem is with the person Ray let inside of her.
50:42Yeah, I think she's talking about it.
50:42I have to understand why she trusted you enough to let you fuck her.
51:00You're looking at my lips.
51:04What, you want to kiss him?
51:06I'm worried about your ex putting her claws into you.
51:09I love you.
51:11I missed you.
51:12Do you love Yoli?
51:13You all came here talking about getting married.
51:17I don't want resentment.
51:18I don't want drama.
51:20I'm just trying to get the fuck out of here.
51:22Will you leave here engaged to the person that you came here with?
51:26Will you leave here with the person that you've spent the last three weeks with?
51:30Or will you leave here single?
51:34When do I look?
51:35No.
51:35Ah, what did you do?
51:40I just used the finger.
51:42I'm waiting.
51:45I just kind of felt like you were trying to stir the pot for me.
51:48You have every right to feel how you want.
51:50She's fucking with our life and I don't like it.
51:53You wanted me to self-discover.
51:54You wanted me to figure out what I wanted.
51:56And I wanted you to find out if that was me.
51:58I'm a Latina and everybody speaks over everybody.
52:01Being respectful has no race, Mildred.
52:04You can't have us both.
52:05You're literally taking the choice away from me.
52:07I'm not.
52:08What do you want from me?
52:10You don't want to be here alone.
52:12I cannot have my partner dismiss how I feel too.
52:16My heart and my mind are in two different places.
52:20And while I'm very certain of what it would look like with either one of the people I love,
52:26I just don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.
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