- yesterday
( NEW LOVE ) Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 6
Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 6
#BeyondtheLimitsofLove
#PrimeUSTV
🎞 Please join
https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm
Beyond the Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 6
#BeyondtheLimitsofLove
#PrimeUSTV
🎞 Please join
https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00So when I stop to
00:01You like it better when it's one-on-one
00:06I come undone
00:09And then we
00:12Cheers.
00:14You're fucking shaking.
00:16Hello, everybody.
00:18How are you all?
00:19Hi.
00:21You all came here talking about getting married
00:23and you all accepted the ultimatum
00:26with the same goal in mind.
00:28Now, your first vision of marriage
00:30is coming to an end.
00:33Tiff and Sam.
00:34Vanessa and Ray.
00:37Lexi and Mal.
00:38Aussie and Mildred.
00:40Yoli and Xander.
00:43Tonight could be the last time
00:44that you were together as new couples.
00:47But we are only
00:48halfway through this experience.
00:50Tonight, when you leave here,
00:52you will begin your second trial marriage.
00:54Then, at the end of this experience,
00:56you will all have to decide.
00:58Will you leave here engaged
00:59to the person that you came here with?
01:01Will you leave here with the person
01:03that you've spent the last three weeks with?
01:06Or will you leave here single?
01:11Take it all again.
01:20Tiff and Sam.
01:22What has your experience been like?
01:24I came into this experience
01:26with anger issues
01:29with my previous partner
01:30and it actually reflected
01:32very quickly
01:33onto Sam.
01:37It was a roller coaster.
01:40I know Sam's been working on
01:42the ability to speak up.
01:43That is something
01:46you've been really good at.
01:47I feel like together
01:48we both just learned a lot.
01:50Like, just
01:51every single challenge
01:53that was thrown at us,
01:55we had this ability
01:56of talking through things
01:57and so it was about
01:58us learning
01:59how to set our boundaries
02:00and now we are gonna have
02:02the tools to hopefully
02:03bring back to our relationships.
02:05I don't think that
02:06I could ask for it
02:07to have played out
02:08any other way.
02:09Yeah.
02:10Samesies.
02:11Samesies?
02:11Samesies.
02:12Okay.
02:13I love what you both said
02:16and I think you guys
02:18are amazing.
02:19I'm really proud of you.
02:20Yeah.
02:22Asi and Mildred,
02:24how was your first
02:25trial marriage?
02:30Go ahead.
02:34It started off really well
02:36and then that last week
02:38I pulled out.
02:40You pulled out?
02:41I pulled out.
02:42There was things
02:42that she was doing
02:43that was kind of like
02:44passive aggressive
02:45and she was pretty,
02:47pretty intense.
02:49It just didn't feel safe for me.
02:51For me,
02:52the trial marriage
02:53was very important
02:54and I was robbed
02:55from part of my experience.
02:58It might not seem to you.
02:59I was gentle with you.
03:00I'm always going to push
03:02and I'm always going to
03:04want to talk
03:05because I want to be
03:06in a partnership.
03:08Wow.
03:09And to be quite honest,
03:10I didn't get the opportunity
03:11to voice to you
03:12what I was going through
03:13and I'm sure that
03:14you have a lot of things
03:15you want to say
03:15to me as well.
03:16I don't think
03:17there's any more
03:18we can say
03:19about the situation
03:20or the version.
03:21Oh, I have a lot
03:21to say, Asi.
03:22Okay.
03:23So you can just speak
03:23for yourself at this point.
03:25I have never
03:26even heard
03:27or met anyone
03:28that can't communicate
03:29like this.
03:32Why are you saying
03:33these things
03:33that aren't true?
03:34What's not true?
03:35Oh, that I shut you out.
03:37That's not true.
03:41Yeah.
03:42I was open the whole time.
03:43It's not that, mate.
03:45You're not seeing
03:45from my side.
03:47I wasn't ready to talk.
03:48Give me time
03:49to regroup.
03:51Then I can come to you
03:52and be without my share,
03:54without my armor.
03:56That's what I wanted.
03:57Why did you leave?
03:59You just don't leave
04:00on your marriage like that.
04:02Yeah, but that was the thing.
04:03Like, that's,
04:04what does that say
04:04to symbolize
04:05how you would be
04:06in your own marriage
04:07in the future?
04:08That you just leave
04:09when times get hard?
04:09It was very painful
04:14to feel that
04:16someone refused
04:17to communicate with me
04:18even though I felt
04:20we had a good connection.
04:22My mother abandoned me
04:23when I was five years old
04:24and you repeat that for me.
04:31Mildred, take that time
04:32to realize that
04:33you are important.
04:34Don't hold those things
04:35that happened
04:35in that relationship
04:36in your new one
04:38moving forward.
04:38Don't take all the crap
04:40with you.
04:41Thank you, Sam.
04:47Yes, I need to improve
04:49my online communication.
04:51But I do feel that
04:52I had to put myself first.
04:55I put everything into this
04:57and I'm disappointed
04:59that we didn't get
05:00to continue that.
05:01I know I took that
05:01away from you
05:02and I have no animosity
05:06in my heart for you.
05:08I do know that
05:10as you reflect back on it
05:11there will be some gems
05:12to take from this
05:13and I wish that for you.
05:14So, Vanessa and Ray,
05:19how is living together?
05:21I would say so easy,
05:23surprisingly easy.
05:25Ray is certainly not
05:25my typical type
05:27of personality
05:28or physicality.
05:29Like, she's beautiful,
05:30but Ray is like
05:31a wild card for me.
05:36I feel like I just blacked out here
05:38and I'm like,
05:38oh my God,
05:39what was the past three weeks?
05:43I think, like,
05:44I've been trying
05:45to be better
05:45at maybe making decisions
05:47for myself quicker
05:48or not, like,
05:49leaning on so many
05:50other people,
05:50like, oh,
05:51what should I do here?
05:51What should I do here?
05:52More of, like,
05:53what do I want, though?
05:54I'm the one that has
05:55to make the decision
05:55and live with it.
05:56How did we end up together
05:57both being the same
05:59type of person
06:00in a relationship?
06:01What is that role?
06:02I see, like,
06:03a selfishness in us
06:05and, like,
06:06part of what Lexi
06:06and I always talk about
06:07is, like, compromise
06:08and I'm not saying, like,
06:10I never compromise
06:11because I don't think
06:12that's true,
06:13but, um,
06:14but I think
06:15there are a lot of ways
06:17that we can show up
06:18better in our relationships.
06:20I think I have a lot
06:20of negative self-talk
06:21sometimes
06:22and, like,
06:23she helps me
06:24kind of feel valued.
06:27She makes me laugh.
06:28It's annoying, but...
06:31We both realize
06:32that we have been given
06:33so much love
06:34by our partners
06:34and I'm not just
06:35talking about you, Xander.
06:36I'm talking about
06:37my previous partners, too.
06:38Like, people just offer me
06:39so much unconditional love
06:40and I, only through Ray,
06:43realized that, like,
06:43I never felt like
06:44I deserved it
06:45and that's why
06:46I was always just, like,
06:47push away the permanency
06:48or the long-term commitment.
06:49I understand her
06:50and we've really
06:52been working on ourselves.
06:54I'm telling you,
06:54like, she had a fixation
06:55and, like, I was like...
06:57I would say
06:59there was not romance.
07:01It's just this one night
07:02that, I don't know,
07:02there was, like,
07:03a funness, excitement
07:04and there was, like,
07:05a little bit of physicality
07:06and, like,
07:09a very, like,
07:10small moment
07:11and I woke up
07:12the next morning
07:13and I literally sat
07:13at the edge of the bed
07:14and was like,
07:15oh, fuck, like...
07:17what the fuck?
07:18And I think
07:20we, like, learned
07:21a little bit
07:21about ourselves
07:22in that situation.
07:23I think Lexi and I
07:24talked in the beginning
07:25of this about feeling like
07:26you kind of get into, like,
07:27a complacent, like,
07:28comfortable feeling
07:30with your partner
07:31when it has been so long
07:32and I think Lexi and I
07:33have talked a lot
07:33about me being an initiator
07:35and, like,
07:36I kind of always been like,
07:37yeah, yeah, yeah,
07:37like, I'll do it,
07:38I'll do it
07:38and, like,
07:39I never do it
07:39and I think
07:40maybe we both buy lingerie
07:41for each other
07:42or maybe, like,
07:42we both buy lingerie
07:43for ourself
07:44and, like,
07:44it's a surprise.
07:45Like, why have I never done that?
07:47Like, I've been in a relationship
07:49for four years
07:50and I think
07:51when I reached
07:52maybe, like,
07:52the three-year mark
07:53I was just, like,
07:54I'm with my best friend,
07:56my partner,
07:57my lover
07:57but more so
07:58best friend
07:59than anything else
08:00and something
08:02I've wondered about
08:03is, like,
08:04how do you get
08:04that spark back?
08:05Is that what I need?
08:07Like, one crazy night
08:08every three or four years
08:10to feel like,
08:11okay, that was exciting
08:12and now I can get back
08:14into my relationship.
08:15I'm intrigued to know, like,
08:17why did you guys
08:17not feel like
08:18that you
08:19were gonna do that?
08:20I don't know.
08:21I can speak easily to that
08:22because you and I
08:23had agreed not to do
08:24anything physical
08:25when we came in here.
08:28Do you have any more questions
08:29or, like,
08:30does that answer it?
08:31I mean, it's just, like,
08:31it's just interesting.
08:32I mean, I guess, like,
08:33I'm not surprised, right?
08:34I'm really sad
08:35that I didn't get
08:36to tell you myself.
08:37I'm sorry that someone
08:38else told you.
08:40I'm so sorry.
08:42We never made promises
08:43to each other.
08:44We didn't want to leave here
08:45with regrets.
08:46We talked about it
08:46up until the last night
08:47before we broke up.
08:49Was fully aware
08:50that those were possibilities.
08:51I think my frustration
08:52with the situation
08:53are less about the act.
08:56I've said it a few times.
08:57Like, if it was someone else,
08:58I think I would have
08:59different feelings towards it.
09:00I think for me,
09:01it does have to do
09:02with, like, who?
09:05If it was Yoli,
09:06like, I trust, like,
09:07the goodness in your heart.
09:08That would be
09:09a different thing for me.
09:10I can't say for sure
09:12that I wouldn't be upset still,
09:14but there would be
09:15a difference.
09:17I made a decision.
09:18The night happened.
09:19As long as I come out
09:20of this relationship
09:21with something
09:21to move forward with,
09:23whether that's, like,
09:24with Lex or not,
09:25unfortunately,
09:26it took this to, like,
09:27have me, like,
09:28reevaluate, like,
09:29things that I've been thinking.
09:30Um, but, like,
09:32I'm on my own journey here.
09:35Um, I have a little thing
09:37that I wrote.
09:37Is this an appropriate time
09:38to read it?
09:39You can read it if you want,
09:42if you feel like...
09:43Yeah, I'd love to.
09:47I came to this experience
09:48questioning whether marriage
09:49in general would be something
09:51I would ever want.
09:52I believe, though,
09:53that by questioning
09:54the idea of marriage,
09:55some of you may have felt
09:56that I was devaluing
09:57your goals in this experience.
09:59Please accept this apology
10:00and know that regardless
10:01of my views on marriage,
10:03which, surprise,
10:04have changed since I got here,
10:05I have valued absolutely
10:06all of your views
10:07on the subject.
10:08For the first time in my life,
10:09I've taken the time
10:10to visualize what marriage
10:11would actually look like
10:11in my life,
10:12and it turns out
10:13when I see it all
10:13spelled out on a page,
10:14I'm actually excited
10:15about what a marriage
10:16would look like
10:17rather than terrified
10:18as I was just four weeks ago.
10:20I value you all.
10:22Thank you for listening.
10:23I think that your apology
10:25is performative,
10:26so I just hope
10:27that you don't expect people
10:28to just brush it
10:29under the rug,
10:30not that you said sorry.
10:31Mm.
10:33Do you want to hear
10:34apologies from Vanessa?
10:36No?
10:36Like, duh.
10:37Doesn't make sense,
10:38but, like,
10:38leave that little piece
10:39of openness in your heart,
10:40everyone,
10:41to, like, allow
10:42for there to be growth
10:43here in general.
10:45Like, that's what
10:46we're all here for.
10:53Lexi and Mal,
10:54how has your trial marriage been?
10:58In the physical sense,
11:00I'm not trying to consummate
11:01another relationship.
11:02I thought it would confuse things.
11:04I luckily ended up with
11:06somebody that has
11:07the same values as me.
11:09Yeah.
11:10A lot of fun.
11:11Just aligned,
11:12really easy.
11:13I super trust her.
11:14I never think that she's
11:15not telling me the truth
11:16about anything.
11:18If I was having a rough day,
11:19she would text me, like,
11:20how can I best support you?
11:22What do you need from me?
11:23You make a damn good teammate.
11:25You are head coach,
11:27a beer co-captain.
11:27After I found out
11:30about Ray and Vanessa,
11:31it did affect us a lot.
11:32And Mal was, like,
11:33nothing but supportive.
11:34She'd sage me.
11:36We would do, like,
11:36all the things.
11:38It was very attractive
11:39and nice to see somebody
11:40who really owned up
11:42to, like, exactly
11:43who I thought they were.
11:44Mal was the perfect,
11:45and no offense
11:46to all of you here,
11:47but the only choice,
11:48I think,
11:48that would have been right
11:49for me in this experience
11:50was true the day
11:51I made the choice.
11:52That's just true now.
11:53Yeah.
11:54Oh, wow.
11:55What?
11:56She did what?
11:57When?
11:57How?
11:58Like, I haven't seen that
12:00consistently in the three years
12:02that we've been together.
12:04And if it took this experience
12:06to bring you to that,
12:07that's beautiful.
12:08But it is easier to be...
12:13I love to just say cute
12:14with someone who you've only met
12:15and only known for three weeks.
12:17It's like,
12:18can you keep that consistently
12:20with someone you've been with
12:21for three years?
12:22Can that transfer over?
12:23I don't know.
12:26Okay.
12:27Xander, Yoli,
12:28how was your first trial marriage?
12:31It felt right.
12:33It felt natural
12:35and comfortable
12:35and stable.
12:37And, like,
12:38that sounds so boring
12:39to a lot of people.
12:41Right.
12:41We wake up together
12:42and, like,
12:43we, like,
12:43literally, immediately,
12:44we're just having this conversation
12:45about something deep.
12:46And, like,
12:47I'm not having to, like,
12:47ask for it
12:48and I'm not having to, like,
12:49try and make you have
12:51the conversation
12:51or anything like that.
12:52It's just, like,
12:52very natural
12:53and easy.
12:55And I feel like
12:55we can solve problems together.
13:00I want to get married
13:01and I want to get married
13:02because I want the family.
13:04Down the road,
13:05like,
13:05when we have kids
13:06or, like,
13:06if I lost my job
13:08or if, like,
13:09something traumatic happened,
13:10right,
13:10then, like,
13:11we're going to be able
13:12to have this stability
13:13to figure it out.
13:15And, like,
13:16that's what matters
13:16to me right now
13:17in this point in my life.
13:18Like,
13:19it's not about
13:19how much fun I'm having
13:21because, like,
13:21I think that that's, like,
13:22a secondary thing
13:23for me at this point.
13:24And I thought it was primary,
13:26but it's not.
13:28Vanessa and I have
13:28the absolute most fun.
13:31And she can just, like,
13:32make me laugh
13:32doing, like,
13:33the weirdest shit.
13:34And I love that.
13:36But, like,
13:36I think it's, like,
13:37what it comes down to now
13:38is, like,
13:38when I really do, like,
13:39the only thing I want
13:40is, like,
13:40to have my own family
13:41and to build upon that
13:43and have this, like,
13:44great foundation.
13:46There's, like,
13:46certain things
13:47that I'm looking for now
13:48that I didn't know
13:49that I needed
13:50four weeks ago.
13:52And, like,
13:52I think that we got that
13:53from each other.
13:55I think I prioritized fun
13:57and, like,
13:58good times as well,
13:59but as much
14:02as that's important,
14:03it's, like,
14:04I almost need, like,
14:05other foundational,
14:06like,
14:06things to be solidified
14:09so that we can then
14:11lay back and have fun.
14:12Like,
14:13I cannot just, like,
14:13lay back and have fun
14:14when the house is a mess
14:15or when laundry's not done.
14:18I don't want somebody
14:19who I'm trying to convince
14:20to want what I want.
14:22I feel like I've been doing
14:22that my whole life.
14:23And I'm just like,
14:24well, shit.
14:25Sharing my time
14:26and my life with you
14:27was a dream.
14:29When I think about my future
14:31and building on my future,
14:34my children specifically
14:35and what I want
14:36my children to come into,
14:38Xander has shown
14:39in the three weeks
14:40that we've been together
14:40that she can absolutely
14:41be that future.
14:42could that be your future?
14:53It could be my future.
14:56Do you have something
14:57to say about that?
14:59Do you want me to propose
14:59to you first?
15:00Like, I don't understand.
15:01No, I want,
15:03I want what I want
15:05and I'm still trying
15:05to figure out what I want.
15:06It sounds like
15:09you've had a great experience
15:11and it sounds like
15:12I don't know how
15:13happy you are
15:14to come back
15:15and try your three weeks here.
15:16It sounds like
15:16it's going to be trouble for you
15:17and I don't want
15:18to give you that.
15:19You sound like
15:20you were really free
15:21with where you were at
15:22and now it's like,
15:23damn, I got to put in the work
15:24back in three weeks with Mal.
15:26That's what it sounds like.
15:30I am looking forward
15:31to seeing your growth
15:31and like all the things
15:32that Lexi was talking about.
15:34Some of it is news to me
15:35and I would love
15:36to see it actualized
15:37and consistent.
15:39Are you excited
15:40to come back?
15:41Going back,
15:41it doesn't mean
15:42that I don't want
15:42to go back.
15:43It doesn't mean
15:43I don't love you
15:44and don't miss you
15:45but I did not hear
15:46anybody else say
15:47that they were like close,
15:48as close to me
15:49as Xander were
15:49or as romantic
15:51as me and Xander were.
15:52Like we held hands,
15:53like we, you know,
15:54like we were,
15:55it's different.
15:57There's so many examples
15:59of the way
15:59that you just like show up
16:01in ways I've never
16:02been able to ask
16:03for help before
16:04and um,
16:05I just know that
16:06if we were to have
16:07a life together
16:08like you would be able
16:10to support
16:10whatever it is
16:11that we want.
16:15Thank you for those words.
16:18I have a question.
16:20You guys did talk
16:21about romantically
16:22being involved.
16:22Were you physically
16:23involved as well?
16:25Because I asked
16:26because we did speak
16:27to what we'd physically.
16:28Yeah,
16:29and that was your choice.
16:30the emotional connection
16:32for me
16:33is very important
16:34and I think that
16:35Yoli and I
16:36developed that
16:37over time
16:38and it just like
16:39kept developing
16:40and I think that's like
16:41where the physical
16:43attraction for one
16:43another grew.
16:47Yoli,
16:48if you are my spouse,
16:49I feel like that you
16:50want to listen to me.
16:52Even my stories
16:53are boring
16:53and they're not boring.
16:55I think you just care.
16:57You just care about
16:58how I feel
17:00and
17:01what I need.
17:08I know you've
17:09wanted marriage
17:10so I am happy
17:10that you've gone
17:11to connect with someone
17:12who wants the same
17:12things as you.
17:13Like I imagine
17:14that's very valuable
17:15but
17:16it's hard,
17:18obviously,
17:19to hear this.
17:22I have to say
17:23that I've grown
17:23and Ray can,
17:24you know,
17:25she can back me up here.
17:26Like,
17:27I want a marriage
17:28with you now
17:28and I recognize
17:29that I haven't
17:30for a long time
17:31but
17:31all the ways
17:33you're talking about
17:34you're connecting
17:34with Yoli,
17:35I feel like
17:36I'm ready for now
17:37and I hope
17:37you're open to that
17:38because I want you.
17:44Is your heart
17:45in these next three weeks
17:46or
17:46if you had the choice,
17:48would you
17:49live with Yoli
17:50for three more weeks?
17:53I feel like
17:56that honestly
17:57is something
17:58that you and I
17:58need to discuss alone
17:59that the whole table
18:00isn't even here right now.
18:03I know you want
18:04to talk about it privately
18:04but I feel like
18:05a fool if I were
18:06to enter into
18:07three weeks with you
18:08if you would prefer
18:09to not be with me.
18:11Vanessa,
18:11this person that you love,
18:13they say you want to marry,
18:14they're going through something.
18:15Can you observe that
18:17without making it
18:18about yourself?
18:19I wasn't expecting this.
18:24We weren't either.
18:25I don't think
18:25any of us were.
18:26At all.
18:27Yeah, I'm sure.
18:30My heart's broken.
18:32I've been definitely
18:34like an end
18:35of this experience
18:35and I've focused
18:38on growing
18:39to the point
18:39where I thought
18:40I could meet you
18:41which was the point
18:42of marrying you
18:43and I'm happy
18:44to say that
18:45I've reached that point
18:46so it's sad
18:48to see that you've
18:48retreated from that point.
18:50I just want to add
18:51sorry that I am not
18:53retreating from anything
18:55if anything
18:55and I don't want
18:57to speak for everyone
18:58but I think that
18:58everyone still loves
19:00who they came here with
19:01and they still care
19:01about who they came here with.
19:03If anything,
19:04we added new growth
19:05and new feelings
19:06for other people
19:07and that doesn't diminish
19:10what we came here with
19:11in the beginning.
19:13I definitely want
19:16this experience with you.
19:23Ray has given me
19:25really fucking good advice
19:27which is basically
19:28to go after what I want
19:30and it's you.
19:34I'm just very loving
19:36doing the things
19:38we've not done before
19:39talking all about
19:41the mess and more
19:42breaking the promises
19:44that we swore.
19:46Okay, it's time
19:48to live out the next phase
19:50of the ultimatum.
19:51Over the next three weeks,
19:52you'll have tough conversations,
19:54the ones that you need to have
19:56before you get married.
19:57Then, at the end
19:58of this experience,
20:00you'll make a choice.
20:02Will you leave here engaged
20:04to the person
20:04that you've been living with,
20:06the person you came here with,
20:08or will you walk
20:09out of here alone?
20:15All right,
20:16we're going to do this.
20:18Let's do it.
20:19Now it's time
20:20to say your goodbyes
20:21and to walk into
20:23a new vision
20:24of your possible future.
20:27Cheers to getting
20:28the answers that you need.
20:29Cheers.
20:29Cheers.
20:29Cheers, everyone.
20:30I expect some texts.
20:44I was given the ultimatum
20:45four weeks ago,
20:46and tonight,
20:46I'm back with the person
20:47I came here with.
20:49I'm a little scared.
20:50I'm a little excited.
20:51I'm a little nervous.
20:52Lexi and I have
20:53had three years together.
20:54I know this version
20:56of this person,
20:57but I also know
20:58where I'm at now.
21:00I've learned things.
21:01I don't know
21:01if we can fit back together,
21:03if we do fit back together,
21:04if we want to fit back together.
21:06It's mine.
21:09Even though Xander and I
21:11are in love with each other,
21:12I came into this experience
21:14wanting to figure things out
21:15with now,
21:16so I can figure out
21:17if marriage
21:18with who I came here with
21:19is a viable option.
21:22I can't walk away
21:24from now
21:25without seeing that through,
21:27and that's what
21:28I'm going to do.
21:54I'm feeling really uncomfortable.
22:01A couple weeks ago,
22:02I was ready to marry her,
22:04but now it just doesn't even feel
22:05like we're on the same wavelength.
22:07It doesn't feel like
22:08the same person
22:08I gave an ultimatum to.
22:10It was a lot
22:10to see you guys interact tonight.
22:12I don't care for her.
22:15I don't respect her.
22:17Like, I felt like
22:18you were making jokes.
22:19I'm uncomfortable.
22:20Like, you know me.
22:22I don't trust you.
22:26I'm trying to find a way
22:27to be comfortable
22:27getting into bed tonight.
22:29Like, it's fine.
22:29I'm sleeping
22:29around the fucking couch anyways.
22:30Like, it's fine.
22:58Um, can I have some water?
23:11Um, I didn't realize how much I had lost you in this process.
23:15I came in here and I found the perfect trial marriage partner for me that helped me grow.
23:19And what I was trying to do was grow to the point of wanting to marry you.
23:26And I have.
23:28It was just surprising for me hearing that you, like, open up so much about certain things.
23:32I'm like, yes, you wanted kids, but it was never with me.
23:37Well, I know, babe, but I want to.
23:39Like, I want this now, and I'm sorry that I didn't have it in me before.
23:43But, like, since you didn't try to delve into it, I didn't want to delve into it.
23:48But I did. How did I not try and delve into it?
23:50Like, I feel like year after year, I would, like, bring it up to hear now that you, like, want this.
23:59It's like, I don't know what to even do with the information.
24:03The words that I'm finally hearing that I've wanted to hear for so long, like, they sit lower than I thought they were going to.
24:13And I think that we have a lot to work on and a lot to uncover the next few weeks.
24:23What physical level did you reach with Yoli?
24:28I mean, we did have sex, like, with mouths.
24:33I mean, I do want, I'm sorry, I do want specifics.
24:35I, I don't want to, I don't want to do that, if that's okay with you.
24:44It's not okay with me.
24:45This is part of something that I need to face now, and I feel like I deserve to know.
24:53I get that you want to know this information, but, like, it also is a little conflicting for me, like, that that's what you want to know and talk about.
25:04How is that not a normal thing to want to know, and more than once?
25:09Yeah.
25:10I don't know, like, at some point I was just like, fuck it, like, I might as well just, like, let go and just, like, do this thing.
25:15And I did, and it felt good.
25:17It felt good to be real with myself and to really figure out what I wanted.
25:29I'm going to sit in your lap, okay?
25:30Because I know this hurts all both of us, but I love you.
25:42Do you love Yolene?
25:44I don't know.
25:47I missed you.
25:49I missed you too.
25:49I'm going to sit in your lap.
26:19I love you Margo. I love you. I love you. Why are you crying? Are you sad?
26:30Um, I think it's just like a... I'm not sad. It's just like weird. Okay. It's really fucking weird.
26:40What's weird about it? I had a whole ass relationship with somebody else.
26:47Mm-hmm. And, um, I don't know, like, it's like, I just like, oh, shit, I'm used to coming home to a different person who does different things and, like, is a different way, and, um...
27:02Are you mourning that? Okay. That's okay.
27:17I fell in love with Xander.
27:26I didn't think it would happen.
27:30I've never been with someone who wanted what I wanted, I realized.
27:34It was just so simple and easy, and...
27:39I don't know if you assumed this already or not, but we did have sex.
27:46And I really found someone who connects in that way, in so many levels.
27:52And then I have you.
28:00You are in love with Xander?
28:02I'm really conflicted with the reality of, like, loving more than one person.
28:16I love you.
28:19You issued the old tomato.
28:20I wanted to marry you.
28:22Like, whether you believe it or not...
28:25It's not that I don't believe you.
28:27But your head shaking is not fair to me, right?
28:29What do you want me to do with that?
28:37I still love you.
28:40Look at me.
28:42I'm not going against Xander.
28:44I think Xander's great.
28:45I think that she had a lot to teach you.
28:47I think you deserve to be loved by her for this time.
28:50I hear that you're in love with this person.
28:53Cool.
28:54I knew you lifetimes before this shit.
28:56I'm telling you, I still want my family with you.
28:59I still want to marry you.
29:03I get the reminders at work about...
29:05insurance time is coming up, re-enrollment.
29:09I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm the ad Yoli.
29:11It's good.
29:11We're Gucci.
29:12It's good.
29:13I'm going to holler at Lexi's dad about rings.
29:15It's good.
29:16I'm good.
29:17I'm going to propose to this girl.
29:18You're it for me, and I'm telling you that.
29:24This is a fear that I had coming in, and I've said that, like, I know my lover, and I know
29:29she falls hard, and she falls quick.
29:32I just want to make sure, like, I'm different than everybody else.
29:34I'm so sorry, because I did not think that would be the case at all.
29:43As I started falling for Xander, it didn't make me love you any less.
29:48You are so pivotal to me, and you're so...
29:52You're such a piece of me.
29:55And I don't see myself without you.
29:57You're having a human experience.
30:02I don't hate you because of that.
30:03My ego is fucking shattered.
30:06My ego hurts.
30:07But, like, I don't unlove you.
30:12You can fall in love with somebody else, and I can still be your person.
30:15Those two things can exist.
30:16No, but it looks like...
30:17And we can figure that out as the days go on.
30:22I don't know.
30:23I just hurt for you.
30:24It sucks to watch you be so sad.
30:27Can we go to sleep?
30:27Okay.
30:29If I had my way with you, we'd never leave.
30:39I love you.
30:41You guys love me.
30:49Cookies?
30:50I love cookies.
30:52Now you can eat your feelings.
30:54I know!
30:54I'm just kidding!
30:55How did you know?
30:57Oh.
30:58Was it showing all over my face tonight?
31:00No, I mean, you kind of got chewed out tonight, just saying.
31:03And I felt like both of you kept trying to prove yourself.
31:06I know.
31:07Can you at least be open to the fact that maybe there were some things you could have done differently?
31:12Of course!
31:13Yeah, I'm not like that.
31:14I'm just verbally saying that because I know how to say things now.
31:19Okay.
31:20Surprise!
31:21Damn!
31:22Are you a mini Mildred now?
31:23I don't know.
31:24Does Tiff like...
31:25No.
31:26...a mini Mildred on me?
31:27Not at all.
31:28I'd love to get out of these clothes.
31:29Me too.
31:30We have three weeks in this child marriage and I have to make a decision at the end of that.
31:41Am I, you know, am I going home single or are we getting engaged?
31:45I see a huge change in Sam and at this point, I'm not sure if that change is, uh, compatible.
31:55What?
31:56You got some tonage there?
31:58Do I?
31:59But at least for tonight, the goal is to reconnect, to be on the same page about where we're at
32:07and to, you know, have physical intimacy.
32:09I haven't had sex in like, I don't know.
32:11I've already forgotten how.
32:13You don't know how to cuddle anymore?
32:16Damn.
32:17I thought that was like what you have a gold medal in.
32:20Me too.
32:21Gold champion.
32:22Mm-hmm.
32:27I turn on this candle for you so it smells good.
32:34It smells good.
32:35Do you like it?
32:36I like it.
32:37I just want it to be nice for you but...
32:40Yeah?
32:41Mm-hmm.
32:42I don't know what the fuck you just said but, um...
32:47Sure.
32:48Yeah.
32:49Yeah?
32:50Mm-hmm.
32:51Mm-hmm.
32:52You know.
32:53I know it.
32:55I know it.
32:56I know it.
32:57I know it.
32:58I know it.
32:59I know it.
33:00I know it.
33:01I know it.
33:02I know it.
33:03I know it.
33:04I know it.
33:19I'm just going to ruin my docs, it's fine.
33:27You knew we were going on a beach date.
33:30We're going to eat tacos on the beach.
33:35Well, we might as well talk to each other at this point.
33:38So what is it?
33:39You know how hard it was for me to say yes to do this?
33:44I've fucking been doing it.
33:45I just don't understand what you thought was going to happen when we moved back in together.
33:48I don't know what I thought was going to happen.
33:50You didn't think once about it.
33:51It was selfish of me.
33:52But, like, you wanted this, right?
33:54You wanted me to self-discover.
33:55You wanted me to, like, figure out what I wanted.
33:58And I wanted you to find out if that was me.
34:01Because I couldn't be in a relationship anymore where I wasn't being chosen.
34:06I couldn't be with somebody any longer who didn't want to put me first.
34:10This process has been really fucking hard.
34:12But, like, you don't have to validate any of my feelings, and that's fine.
34:15You don't normally.
34:17I don't know.
34:17What does that mean?
34:18You don't listen to me.
34:20Regardless of what I say, if it doesn't match up with what you want, it's not enough.
34:24You say that you don't feel heard.
34:26Well, I haven't felt heard.
34:27I've spent the last three years fighting your timeline to give you what you wanted and to
34:33feel like a fucking guest in your home.
34:35To always feel like I have one foot out the door with you because I have to protect, like,
34:40myself.
34:40I never have a space in your home.
34:42I never have more than, like, a drawer and some hangers.
34:45You didn't give me commitment.
34:46You gave me a key.
34:48You know, my dad always said to me, I love the way you treat Ray, but I don't love the
34:56way she treats you.
34:57I don't love the way you're never put first.
35:01And he's right.
35:02I've never been put first in this relationship.
35:05What would you have done if you weren't in a trial marriage to have fucking done this?
35:12What would you have done?
35:13Would you just have fucking cheated on me?
35:15I just don't think I would have done it.
35:16When has this ever come up?
35:17That's bullshit.
35:18It's not.
35:19Sometimes when you hear things...
35:19I fucking suggest...
35:20Can you listen to me?
35:23I'm not, like, not taking any accountability for my decisions.
35:26I've made decisions here.
35:27I'm sorry that I hurt you.
35:31I did not anticipate any of this.
35:33But she was your best friend.
35:35She's not your best friend.
35:40Okay.
35:40I feel like the last three years of our life was a fucking joke.
35:52I feel like an asshole for wanting to marry you.
35:55It's so fucking hard for me.
35:58And I'm not saying you have had a hard time, too.
36:00But, like, you know how I am.
36:01You know how reserved I am.
36:02You know how, like, emotions are so fucking hard for me to, like, think about how I'm feeling.
36:08What do I feel?
36:08Is this what I really feel?
36:09Or are people just putting these things in my head and I'm believing it?
36:12And, like, what the fuck is going on here?
36:14What do I want?
36:16Who am I?
36:18Do I love myself?
36:20Do I even deserve to be loved?
36:22Like, I'm fucking drowning.
36:29It was supposed to end with me and you.
36:34Always supposed to be me and you.
36:39You know, with puzzles, I never know.
36:50Does that fit?
36:51Looks like it.
36:52No, no, no.
36:52Look.
36:53It's not the right fit.
36:54It seemed like it snapped, though, together.
36:56Quick, too.
36:59I'm just saying that the puzzle piece went in easily.
37:02That's all I'm saying.
37:02But I don't think it's the right fit.
37:07This puzzle analogy is going to kill me.
37:11I'm glad the right people laugh compared to where we are last night.
37:16Agreed.
37:17The place that I always come back to that's not confusing for me is that I love you.
37:20I've always wanted marriage.
37:21It's always just been me dragging my feet.
37:24Why do you want marriage?
37:27It's family to me.
37:29I've always wanted my own team.
37:31So, you talk about teammates a lot, and I struggle with that because I haven't felt like
37:35you've been a teammate for a while.
37:38You show up sometimes, for sure, but, like, not consistently.
37:41Yoli, I get that I'm not the easiest person to be with.
37:44I don't think you're not.
37:45But I think I'm a damn good partner.
37:47I think you're great.
37:47And so, if you tell me how to play the game, I will do it.
37:52I'll do it.
37:53If I want to bring a child into this, I also need security and support.
38:01It's like, I do need you to pick up around yourself.
38:04I need you to get errands done in the house so they don't all just fall on me.
38:09Like, how shitty would it be for a kid to go to the bathroom and there's no toilet paper?
38:13Or let's use the backups.
38:14I'm like, I don't want to get to a point where I'm using the backup.
38:16One-ply, God forbid.
38:17Like, that's not cool.
38:19That doesn't make me feel secure.
38:20Get off from the couch and go.
38:22Yeah.
38:22It's like, if you're thinking of our household and you're thinking of me, then you're thinking of the kids.
38:26Like, prioritize us.
38:30I want you to know that I care about our kids and our family just as much as you do.
38:34I'm going to sit next to you.
38:42Only if you want.
38:43Yeah.
38:49Can you see your home with Lexi?
38:51Not the way that I think you can see your home with Xander.
38:54You are home to me, but I can't see my home with someone else.
38:58what's your favorite part of the playground
39:13mine's no swings
39:14it's a beautiful day out
39:20yeah
39:21so I want to talk to you about things
39:26and how they are kind of right now
39:28before this experience
39:31you and I free reign on each other's phones
39:33and yesterday you had Instagram up on your phone
39:36and it had Yoli as like the first person to send a message to
39:40and I was going to kind of let it go
39:43but then I just thought
39:45Xander doesn't lie to me
39:47and so I looked at your Instagram
39:51and saw that you had been messaging Yoli
39:53and this is all during our trial marriage
39:56like you didn't talk to me during your trial marriage
39:59but you'll talk to Yoli during our trial marriage
40:01I don't get it
40:04I just feel like I'm not being given a fair chance
40:06I came into this trial marriage with you
40:11and I wanted to give you that presence
40:13but it was distracting for me to feel like
40:15that I did have feelings for her
40:18I don't know what to do with that
40:24I also saw that she asked you for a selfie
40:27and you sent her pictures
40:28and there's like hot emojis and stuff
40:31winky faces
40:33it just feels like you're stabbing me over and over
40:35you talk about having a hard time
40:45putting away your feelings
40:46that you developed for three weeks with Yoli
40:48but you didn't have a problem
40:50putting away the feelings you developed for me
40:51for four years
40:52I don't know what you want from our relationship
41:06right now
41:07can you tell me?
41:08I feel like
41:13I want you
41:15in my life
41:17and I
41:17don't know what that means for us
41:19for the future
41:20for like
41:20if we would be married or not
41:22having feelings for someone else
41:25like am I someone that you
41:27want to continue having a relationship with?
41:31it's embarrassing for me to keep saying it
41:33but I still want to be with you
41:35like I still see us getting married
41:37and having a future
41:38I don't know
41:39I don't
41:39I can't like feel it
41:40I'm giving it to you
41:41I just don't think you're open to feeling it
41:43I love you
41:47say it back
41:54you can say it back Xander
41:58me too
42:00and I don't like it
42:05when you cry
42:07leave me dry
42:10and I won't try to pretend
42:17that I'm your friend anymore
42:19where do I even start?
42:21how did it end with Sam?
42:25she's a good person
42:26when we were talking
42:29Sam
42:30her heart like was with you
42:32like that's how I saw it right?
42:34yeah
42:34but not like
42:35you cut it short for me
42:36like I'm a jealous person
42:38like I don't
42:39you know
42:39you're jealous?
42:41the little crazy Latina's in there somewhere
42:43I got a lot of questions for you
42:46okay let's do it
42:46I gotta know what's up
42:47how was your experience
42:49like living with somebody else
42:51living with somebody else
42:52oh my god
42:52it was not a good experience for me
42:54but I learned so much from it
42:56I learned communication
42:56like I tell Tiff
42:58like hey
42:58like if you see that I'm tired
42:59if you see that like
43:01I'm stressed out
43:01like help me out
43:02you know
43:02but yeah sorry
43:04really passionate about it
43:05yeah
43:06the way you see it
43:07hold on
43:08I just feel like
43:08there was a blockage there
43:09can I say what else you're saying?
43:11okay and go
43:11damn you never let me
43:13finish my sentences
43:13I swear
43:14would you say that's your biggest
43:16problem?
43:18absolutely
43:18can I ask you a question?
43:21Tiff told me once
43:21that you're very on and off
43:23so how many times
43:25would you say you guys break up
43:26and get back together?
43:27oh Tiff knows the number
43:27I figured it happens like
43:29once a week
43:30and there's 52 weeks
43:32in a year
43:32and then it's that two years
43:33once a week?
43:34really?
43:35like not once a week
43:36maybe once every two weeks
43:37so at least 50 breakups
43:38you think that like
43:39you're not gonna break up
43:40once a week
43:41if you leave engaged
43:42you think that it will make you
43:43stronger
43:44I know that I want to be with Tiff
43:45I know that Tiff is the one
43:47why not go to therapy together?
43:48like why not try a couple's therapy?
43:49Natasha
43:50why like let's date other women?
43:51we went to couple's therapy
43:52and how was it?
43:53we went to couple's therapy
43:54therapist gave up on us
43:55she fired you
43:57you know that right?
44:00right?
44:02as advice
44:03from a divorcee
44:04don't rush anything
44:07you've been divorced
44:08yeah
44:08thanks for reminding me
44:09I've also been divorced
44:10oh yeah
44:11yeah
44:11being married previously
44:12it goes back to
44:14why I have a timeline
44:14what I most have learned
44:17is being okay
44:19that this person leaves
44:20I gave Tiff the ultimatum
44:22like
44:22I have to be okay
44:23that Tiff might walk out of here
44:25without me
44:25and I might walk out of here alone
44:26and that's it
44:27that has to be okay with
44:28look I like you
44:30but the communication part
44:31like that's not
44:32in 21 days
44:34it's not gonna be fixed
44:35I don't want my friend
44:36to get hurt
44:37the old Mildred
44:40would have been like
44:41you know what
44:41Tiff let's go
44:42because your friend Natasha
44:44is being like
44:46indifferent with our hopes
44:48I mean my opinion
44:49doesn't matter
44:49no it doesn't
44:50Mildred
44:53I think she knows
44:54what she wants
44:54and there's nothing wrong
44:55with that
44:55but I don't know
44:57if Tiff's getting pressured
44:58a little too much
44:58you shouldn't feel pressured
45:00into getting married
45:01she's saying that
45:02in three weeks
45:03if you don't propose
45:04she's gone
45:05are you ready
45:06for marriage today
45:07you can stop eating
45:21babe if you want
45:22no I'll wait
45:23this is our first meal together
45:25okay
45:26our first microwave
45:27meal together
45:28so
45:31I guess like
45:34how do I say this
45:41right now
45:45do you feel
45:46like you're on the track
45:48to get engaged yet
45:49I feel like I am
45:55yeah
45:56yeah
45:56yeah
45:57it would be
46:03a complete waste
46:05for me
46:06to go through
46:06all this growth
46:07and then at the end of it
46:08still settle
46:10for what I don't want
46:11I know
46:12I know what's on the line
46:13yeah
46:14so
46:15I'm feeling raw
46:18but I feel
46:20like confident
46:21in us
46:22that we are
46:23taking the right steps
46:24and that we are
46:26moving in the right direction
46:27I think it's so refreshing
46:30to have you actually
46:31sit here
46:31and not walk away
46:32you laugh
46:38but like
46:39I think that's where
46:40Mildred was frustrated
46:41we don't have
46:45we don't have to open
46:46that can of worms
46:46if you're saying
46:47that I see
46:48that's not true
46:49okay
46:49that's something
46:50that she asked about
46:51and I'm just expressing
46:53that that same situation
46:55came out
46:55trying to breathe
46:56through this right now
46:57can we just stop
46:58for a minute
46:59yeah
47:00thank you
47:01I need to eat anyways
47:02thank you
47:03take a break
47:04I'm getting hot
47:06my face is getting hot
47:08would you like me
47:10to turn the air on
47:11yes please
47:12I will be grateful
47:14can we not
47:20bring Mildred
47:21into this please
47:23yes
47:23believe me
47:25I don't
47:26I don't understand
47:28the extent
47:28it ticked me off
47:28just now
47:29yeah
47:30I just
47:31I don't
47:32thank you
47:33just give me a break
47:34I need a moment
47:36okay
47:40prior to coming here
47:58I feel like
47:59I would just
47:59kind of let things slide
48:00and I think
48:01I was a little bit
48:02too forgiving
48:03of certain behaviors
48:04but now I'm realizing
48:06my value
48:07and my worth
48:08and I don't want
48:09to waste my time
48:10and feel drained
48:11all the time
48:12I just can't
48:14settle for that anymore
48:15and I think
48:16I'm just not willing
48:17to do that
48:18you are my life
48:21my grace
48:24my fight
48:27my fight
48:32at the end of this
48:40you know
48:41are you okay
48:41to say
48:42you know what
48:43this is a decision
48:44I've made
48:45and you know
48:46you and Lex
48:46are going to go
48:47separate ways
48:48like are you
48:49okay with that
48:50there's still
48:51two weeks here
48:52and we are still
48:53like dating
48:54trying to talk
48:56and have these
48:57conversations
48:57so I can't
48:59I can't really
49:00answer that
49:00but there will be
49:01a decision
49:02that's made
49:02do you feel
49:05the same way
49:06I mean
49:07I
49:07I came here
49:09very sure
49:10we've been together
49:12for three years
49:13we have lived
49:14together
49:15if Ray had told
49:16me at the beginning
49:16of this process
49:17that she was ready
49:18to leave with me
49:19and she wanted
49:19to just be with me
49:20and get engaged
49:21we would have left
49:22you weren't ready
49:23for that
49:24or you didn't know
49:25if you were ready
49:26for that
49:26like why would you
49:27want to even do
49:28this then
49:28I've told you
49:31like you don't
49:33need to be here
49:34you could have left
49:34at any point in time
49:36the whole thing
49:37is very confusing
49:38to me
49:38because I feel
49:39it is confusing
49:39I didn't know
49:40if the person
49:41that I've been in love
49:41with for the last
49:42three years
49:43would ever say yes
49:44to me
49:44if I got down
49:45on one knee
49:45it's as simple
49:47as that
49:48there had never
49:49been a time
49:49where I had asked
49:50you if I was
49:51the one
49:52and you would
49:52ever been like
49:53I'm yes
49:54you're it
49:55it was always
49:56I don't know
49:57I think so
49:58but I don't know
50:00but she was
50:00you're it
50:01she's been my it
50:02this isn't easy
50:05it's goddamn
50:07impossible
50:07to go through this
50:09and to also
50:10be grappling
50:11with like
50:12the whole relationship
50:13like the whole
50:14ass relationship
50:15that I had before
50:15the whole ass
50:17three years
50:18that I just had
50:18with somebody
50:19that I was ready
50:19to marry
50:20the whole ass
50:21three weeks
50:22that she did
50:23and all the decisions
50:24she made
50:24that didn't involve me
50:26and the whole
50:27ass three weeks
50:28that I'm in now
50:28trying to figure out
50:30if we fit
50:30in each other's
50:31lives again
50:32and I'm trying
50:33every day
50:33it just seems
50:34like you're just
50:35really you're having
50:36a really rough time
50:37doing well
50:37I would like
50:38to ask you
50:38like what would
50:39you do
50:40in an experience
50:41with the person
50:42that you know
50:42just betrayed
50:43your trust
50:44and was intimate
50:46with someone else
50:47hold on
50:48hold on
50:48I made decisions
50:51and I have to live
50:51with them
50:52there's no like
50:53nice way for me
50:53to say it
50:54I know that
50:54I have to say
50:55because otherwise
50:56I'll fucking
50:57beat myself up for it
50:58I know that
50:59I've had those days
50:59like I've had
51:00doesn't matter
51:02what I'm trying to say
51:03is I made decisions
51:05here and I've told you
51:07how I felt about them
51:07they were selfish
51:08do you regret
51:09the decisions you made
51:10because they hurt me
51:12or because you actually
51:14think they were mistakes
51:15I feel like a fucking
51:17shit human
51:17I tell you that
51:18every day
51:19and I've never once
51:21thought of myself
51:22that way
51:22I'm trying to like
51:24be okay with like
51:25the things I've done
51:26like
51:27they were decisions
51:28I made
51:29I learned things
51:30from them
51:30and that's how
51:31I will leave this
51:32regardless of
51:32whatever the fuck
51:33happens
51:34I have to live
51:35after this
51:36I can't keep
51:37beating myself up
51:38I
51:39she doesn't regret
51:41you don't regret
51:42what you did
51:42and that's fine
51:43and I'm not asking
51:44you to
51:45but I don't have
51:46to be okay
51:47with them
51:47no
51:47and if they're not
51:48regret
51:49if they're not
51:50regret
51:50that's what you
51:51no but like
51:52if they're not
51:52regrets for her
51:53I'm trying to figure out
51:55if I can let it go
51:57I will say that
51:59in the three years
51:59that we did date
52:00I don't think I ever
52:01gave reason to think
52:01that I was given
52:02we're in a fucking
52:03experience where
52:04I did things
52:05do I think of myself
52:06like that outside of this
52:08no
52:08you guys were on
52:10a
52:10break
52:13you're right
52:14we didn't come into here
52:15with any truces
52:16or promises
52:16or
52:17preconceived beliefs
52:18but we came here
52:21trusting each other
52:22and she
52:23she was the one
52:24like I didn't ask you
52:26to promise me
52:26you weren't gonna
52:27sleep with Vanessa
52:27and then you promised me
52:30that
52:30she came up to me
52:32and told me
52:32you need to trust me
52:34like you need to trust me
52:35you need to trust me
52:36why don't you trust me
52:36I'm not sleeping
52:37with Vanessa
52:38I'm not gonna do that to you
52:39you looked me in the eyes
52:40and you broke that
52:42like what is a relationship
52:45without trust
52:46like genuinely
52:48what is a relationship
52:49without trust
52:50you're gonna have to
52:52make a decision
52:53if you're ready to
52:55lose Ray
52:56or you want to believe
52:58that she would never
52:58do it again
52:59that's for you
53:02to decide
53:02how are you feeling?
53:23I mean I don't
53:25I feel actually like
53:27there's still like
53:28a lot of like
53:28pain and hurt
53:29and like it's just
53:30really hard to like
53:32not have that
53:34constantly in my head
53:35I've always seen myself
53:39as a very independent person
53:41but
53:42I am now realizing
53:43through this feeling
53:45of like
53:45potentially losing
53:46this person
53:47that
53:48I am so much more
53:49intertwined with this human
53:50than I ever realized
53:52until this moment
53:53I just want to
53:54shake her and be like
53:55oh my god
53:56I just realized
53:57I love you even more
53:57than I thought I did before
53:58like this is insane
53:59this is amazing
54:00and I don't want to be
54:01without you
54:02ever
54:03and
54:03it's almost scary
54:05because
54:05it's like
54:06am I too late?
54:09close your eyes
54:10oh there's a lot of people
54:12baby close your eyes
54:13you bad bitch
54:14there's so
54:15are they closed?
54:15people here
54:16what is going on?
54:18oh my god
54:19I am so excited
54:21oh no
54:22oh my god
54:22I'm gonna
54:23okay give me your hands
54:28come on step out
54:29keep your eyes closed
54:32help
54:33okay
54:37you ready?
54:39no
54:39I'm too fucking scared
54:47oh shit
54:48oh my god
54:50are you serious?
54:55I've literally
54:56always wanted to do this
54:58ayah
55:00oh you made that look
55:02super easy
55:03are we good for takeoff?
55:05yes sir
55:06we're good
55:06alright
55:06I'm freaking out
55:21a little bit
55:22oh breathe
55:22oh
55:24this is amazing
55:26sweet
55:28oh my god
55:30whoa
55:31okay
55:34feels good
55:35question mark
55:36look at our shadow
55:42you see the balloon
55:44oh my god
55:45it is so unbelievably beautiful
55:50so through this whole process
56:04my mind has been focused on you
56:06and I wrote a little something
56:08because I knew I would
56:09jumble my words
56:11okay
56:16fate brought us together
56:18at a taco truck
56:19on October 14th
56:202017
56:20a mystical outside forest
56:22saw
56:23two parts of the same star
56:26begging to be brought back to you
56:30begging to be brought back together
56:34our relationship has not been easy
56:37there have been low points
56:38insecurities
56:39betrayals
56:39periods of distance
56:40feelings of disconnection
56:41sexual lulls
56:42and moments of heartbreak
56:43despite all these
56:45we keep choosing each other
56:48deep in our souls
56:49without explanation needed
56:51we know that we belong together
56:52I look at you
56:54and I feel at home
56:55I am so sorry
56:57that it took me this long
56:59to give you my all
57:00but I had to
57:01I had to find out
57:04exactly what I could offer
57:05before I could offer it to you
57:07and I'm proud to say
57:08that I can do that now
57:09the love I feel for you
57:13is so strong
57:14that it makes me
57:14terrified to lose it
57:16and I've spent these last four years
57:18bracing myself for a breakup
57:20so that the potential heartbreak
57:22wouldn't hit so hard
57:23this was selfish and foolish
57:26and prevented us
57:27from reaching the kind of love
57:28that you were seeking
57:29and I realize now that
57:31I was seeking that beautiful
57:34everlasting love too
57:34but I wasn't able to admit it
57:36I'm ready to let go of fear
57:41and fully commit to growing
57:42this beautiful life of ours
57:43and it takes a lot
57:48for me to say that to you
57:49knowing where your head
57:50is at right now
57:51but like I'm here now
57:55I know you are
57:56but I'm asking you please
58:00to give me this chance
58:02stay open with me
58:05stay honest
58:06and don't close yourself off
58:07from any possibility
58:08because weeks ago
58:10you wanted to marry me
58:11and there's something to that
58:13I realize how hard it
58:22is for you to have written that
58:24in the first place
58:25and also how vulnerable it is
58:29for you to share that with me
58:29especially after some of the talks
58:31that we've had
58:31and I really appreciate
58:33you doing that
58:34and I also feel like
58:36that I have not
58:37been in the right headspace
58:39and
58:40I do feel like
58:44that's something that
58:45I still need to get over
58:46but I do want to
58:47give this
58:48everything
58:49that we have
58:50because that's what
58:51we both intended to do
58:52before
58:53let's do it right
58:56yeah
58:57committed
58:58to me
58:59alone
59:00no talking to anyone else
59:02promise
59:06really
59:07okay
59:08I'd appreciate that
59:09Well
59:20bye
59:25I
59:30I
59:30I
59:30I
59:32I
59:34I
59:35I
59:36I
Recommended
1:03:22
|
Up next
1:00:19
1:03:23
1:03:22
1:03:22
48:57
1:00:19
44:20
1:20:52
59:10
44:27
47:06
54:18
34:46
52:30
48:20
38:46
41:36