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( NEW LOVE ) Beyond The Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 9
Beyond The Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 9
#BeyondTheLimitsofLove
#PrimeUSTV
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Beyond The Limits of Love Season 1 Episode 9
#BeyondTheLimitsofLove
#PrimeUSTV
🎞 Please join
https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00I need to marry her, but now it doesn't feel like the same person I gave an ultimatum to.
00:00:04You wanted me to figure out what I wanted, and I did that.
00:00:06I wanted you to find out if that was me, because I've never been put first in this relationship.
00:00:10Can you just entertain the idea that the reason why you don't like how I act now
00:00:14is because I'm not just giving in to all of your needs every single time,
00:00:18and I'm actually paying attention to my needs.
00:00:20I'm sorry, that's bullshit.
00:00:21This is not what I want in a marriage.
00:00:23Okay.
00:00:24This trial of marriage symbolizes something that is much deeper
00:00:33than the relationship that we had back home.
00:00:35It terrifies me.
00:00:37She's saying that in three weeks, if you don't propose, she's gone.
00:00:41Are you ready for marriage today?
00:00:46I did not think that would fall for another person.
00:00:51I'm going to lose you.
00:00:54Is the end of your hell yes?
00:00:55I can't say that, but it doesn't seem as cloudy.
00:00:57As much as you deserve your hell yes, I also deserve my hell yes.
00:01:00What if I don't want to let you go?
00:01:02Fucking give me a break!
00:01:04I'm shutting down.
00:01:05It is done for me.
00:01:06It is done.
00:01:07I'm done.
00:01:07I looked at your Instagram and saw that you had been messaging Yoli.
00:01:10It just feels like you're stabbing me over and over.
00:01:13I'm coming from a relationship with you.
00:01:15The romance was very much there, but now I don't know how to differentiate that right now.
00:01:20I don't want to feel like I'm like a second pick.
00:01:24I'm asking you, please stay open with me and don't close yourself off from any possibility
00:01:30because weeks ago you wanted to marry me.
00:01:32I feel sad that I was not present.
00:01:35I hate that.
00:01:37I mean, we don't know where it's going to end up.
00:01:39Do you trust me and figure it out?
00:01:40Yeah.
00:01:41Love you.
00:01:42I think you deserve the world.
00:01:46I've always thought that.
00:01:47I, like, hear you and see you and believe you and what you're saying.
00:01:51But I just want you to know I'm still in love with somebody else.
00:01:53It's always been you.
00:02:11I know it's you now.
00:02:12And if it's not now, I promise to come looking for you in the next lifetime.
00:02:24But not without asking you.
00:02:26Will you do life with me?
00:02:37And will you marry me?
00:02:50Is that a yes?
00:02:51You don't even care about the ring.
00:02:57I know.
00:02:58It took you so long.
00:02:59I know.
00:03:01I'm here.
00:03:01I want to do this with you.
00:03:03I swear.
00:03:04Promise.
00:03:05I spent my life choosing you.
00:03:06We'll work through all of this.
00:03:12My left knee is killing me.
00:03:14It's in the bagel.
00:03:15I know what's good on you, though.
00:03:42You look like my wife.
00:03:43That's what you look like.
00:03:46So much harder.
00:03:50I wanted you.
00:03:51I have to ask.
00:04:06It feels like it took your back being against the wall and to see me about to walk away and to maybe even have another person willing and ready to give me everything I've asked for right away.
00:04:23For you to, like, be ready.
00:04:27You don't have to worry about my back being pressed against the wall to move forward with us.
00:04:31I thought everything comes, like, right after this.
00:04:34We're, like, calling our realtor friends.
00:04:37We're house hunting.
00:04:38We're figuring out how we're baby planning.
00:04:41Like, in my mind, I thought that those are all the things that come right now.
00:04:45You need to have those things in line right away.
00:04:47And that's what I've been taught.
00:04:49And then I got different perspectives.
00:04:51And then I started hearing your voice.
00:04:52Because you never told me you needed all those things.
00:04:54I never did.
00:04:58I just wanted your commitment.
00:05:01I just want to move forward.
00:05:02Create the life that we said we want.
00:05:05You don't have to push me for that.
00:05:09I'm here.
00:05:14Let's work with each other.
00:05:15Let's create this life that we want.
00:05:20It's pretty.
00:05:22It's really pretty.
00:05:23What you said was beautiful.
00:05:26It's beautiful hearing your words.
00:05:27And I'm like, that's all I've ever wanted to hear.
00:05:33I think it's only fair for me to say that I've been really, really, really, really fucking hesitant up until this moment of who to choose or what.
00:05:45Or even just to choose myself.
00:05:47We love each other, you and I.
00:05:49But I feel like I would be dishonest if I didn't say that if you had not shown up exactly what you have.
00:05:56I would be very pressed to explore life with somebody else that wants what I want, how I want it, when I want it, and chooses me.
00:06:06Xander very much wants to go forward with me and explore that.
00:06:11I've never disrespected your love for Xander or you guys' relationship, and I won't start now.
00:06:22I know this has been very hard for you.
00:06:24I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.
00:06:32You've never not said that you were in love with two people.
00:06:35It's never not been the case.
00:06:37I knew that before proposing to you.
00:06:41I wasn't lying to you when I told you I'd work through things with you.
00:06:44I know where you're at.
00:06:46I know how you feel.
00:06:47Are you okay?
00:07:13Yeah.
00:07:14You know I got your back no matter what.
00:07:17I'm sure you're okay.
00:07:29I see you.
00:07:32I see you way deeper than you think I do.
00:07:34I see you.
00:07:36I still love you.
00:07:38I don't want to feel like I'm fighting to get you back.
00:07:42I want to walk into this together.
00:07:44I wouldn't say yes if I wasn't.
00:07:46I'm feeling capable of walking into this together.
00:07:58Do you believe in us?
00:08:01I do believe in us.
00:08:02I love you, Ali.
00:08:13I love you too.
00:08:14Two months ago, I gave my partner, Tiff, the ultimatum.
00:08:34We either get engaged or we're done.
00:08:36To be honest, I don't know what's going to happen because we've been up and down.
00:08:41I like this one.
00:08:42I'm scared because I could potentially lose a person that I love so much.
00:08:47Because I'm making my way home.
00:08:50Live another day home.
00:08:52Before coming in here, I felt like this experience was going to go by slow, but it actually went by really quick.
00:09:04The choice I'm making, the choice I'm making, it's in my gut, it's in my heart.
00:09:08I think that's the greatest gift of this experience.
00:09:10Now I know what it is I want, what it is I don't want.
00:09:14I know that this is going to be the biggest decision of my life, and it's probably the scariest moment of my life.
00:09:21I always knew that I wanted to marry Tiff, but when we would fight, it was always blaming, blaming, blaming.
00:09:35The power to be able to look into myself, that's one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do.
00:09:40I ultimately know what I want, but all the thoughts of what if, what if, what if, it creeps up on you.
00:09:50I think we've come a long way.
00:09:53I know every single fiber in Mildred's being wants to be with me, but can we actually communicate?
00:09:59Because I need a partner to lean into love instead of anger.
00:10:03I'm extremely confident in the decision I'm making today, and I know that whether I get down on one knee or not
00:10:11is going to alter the course of my life forever.
00:10:15I'm feeling so overwhelmed.
00:10:18I have never felt this nervous in my life, and I'm just hoping for the best.
00:10:24But if she doesn't propose, I'm ready to walk away.
00:10:33I have never felt this nervous in my life, and I know that if she doesn't propose to be with me,
00:11:03the first day I met you, I brought you here.
00:11:14I see all the contrast in the water.
00:11:16I think about you.
00:11:18It's really beautiful.
00:11:20Yeah.
00:11:22So, it's been one hell of a ride.
00:11:27Yeah, it's been a lot.
00:11:30Yeah.
00:11:31Not just, like, the past experience, but, like, just our relationship itself.
00:11:36It's been, like, so much.
00:11:38So, so much.
00:11:40Yeah.
00:11:41I feel like a lot of my emotions before were really bottled up, and I felt like there was this, um, I don't know, this block that was going on between you and I.
00:11:53You know?
00:11:54I feel like being on this experience has allowed me to put my soul and my feelings on the line.
00:12:04I've been learning so much about me.
00:12:08I've been learning a lot about you, too.
00:12:10I know we still fight.
00:12:11I know that that's going to continue to happen, but I have to see it through the lens of, is this someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with?
00:12:22What about you?
00:12:35Were you done talking?
00:12:43I'm sorry.
00:12:45I know the past two years has definitely been rough.
00:12:48There were so many ways I didn't show up.
00:12:50When you needed it.
00:12:53I was physically there.
00:12:57But I wasn't there.
00:12:59I, I fucked up a lot.
00:13:02I wasn't always the best version of myself.
00:13:05Regardless of why you pushed me away or how you pushed me away or any of that, you did still show up.
00:13:11You know, sometimes when we meet someone and we're so crazy about them, we think that everything should be fine and everything should be just perfect and easy.
00:13:26I hear that word a lot, it's so easy to be with you, but I think that in reality, it's, it's the hard things.
00:13:33It's, it's the hardships that we go through and it's all the challenges along the way.
00:13:38And that is what, like, has brought us together.
00:13:41Being in a child marriage was, like, one of the hardest things, but it was so rewarding in the sense that, like, I learned so much about us and about you.
00:13:50Being on this experience with you has taught me so much about our relationship and where we're at and how freaking crazy we are.
00:14:01We already knew that, though.
00:14:02And we're crazy, but we're crazy for each other.
00:14:05Everything that I've been through in the last two months, I just, a lot of things make sense in our relationship.
00:14:13A lot of the things, a lot of the questions that I had, a lot of the things that made me leave, a lot of the things that led me to break up with you, like, all of those answers that I didn't have before, they now make sense.
00:14:25I don't think you're perfect, but your perfectness is not what made me fall in love with you.
00:14:30It's, it's all your flaws.
00:14:32Like, I see you, but I'm excited to, to be with you.
00:14:37I just want to tell you that.
00:14:39Oh, my God.
00:14:40I just, I don't know.
00:14:49I love you so much, and I love you unconditionally.
00:14:54I want you to love me in that same way that I love you.
00:14:57I spent two years of my life with you, wanting to hear the words, I love you.
00:15:02And I'm afraid that, that, like, you might not love me unconditionally.
00:15:11And I'm just so afraid, because I know at the end of the day, that's what I want.
00:15:17So, I'm bringing to you my fears and my insecurities, and telling you how much I love you.
00:15:22And how much I believe in us.
00:15:27Thank you for sharing that with me.
00:15:29Um, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, even though it was a fucking rollercoaster all of this shit, I'm very grateful for this experience.
00:15:38I just want to tell you something.
00:15:43Okay.
00:15:45Love
00:15:46is a very short word.
00:15:51It's easy to spell, and more difficult to define, but it's impossible to not live a life without craving to breathe this air.
00:16:04And that's what I love about you.
00:16:05Your simplicity, your complexity, intertwined within the depths of your near-existibility.
00:16:15Like a perfect blend of it all.
00:16:19Like a perfect blend, such as the coffee that you make me in the morning, just the way I like.
00:16:30You keep our relationship passionate, adventurous, spontaneous, and fun, just the way I want.
00:16:40And you show me support in my darkest of moments, just the way I need.
00:16:49And it's impossible not to crave everything that you are.
00:16:58And what you are to me is love.
00:17:02It's easy to fall in love with your smile, your laugh, your eyes.
00:17:10It's more difficult to wrap my mind around our crazy, up-and-down, intense, deep connection that you and I share.
00:17:21But it's impossible to not love you through it all, until my very last breath.
00:17:32I love you.
00:17:33Mildred, will you marry me?
00:17:47Will we marry you?
00:17:48Yes.
00:17:49Yes.
00:17:49Yes.
00:17:53Yes.
00:17:54Oh, my God.
00:18:08You better marry me.
00:18:12I promise to be better for us.
00:18:15Me too.
00:18:15I'm so happy.
00:18:17And we're moving in, I guess.
00:18:18You got what you wanted.
00:18:20You.
00:18:21I mean, I want a you.
00:18:22I want you.
00:18:23Okay, well, you got me, all right?
00:18:25I love you so much.
00:18:27I love you.
00:18:27I'm so happy.
00:18:29I don't want to let go of you.
00:18:31Oh, my God, I hope not.
00:18:33I'm so happy.
00:18:35I'm really, I'm really happy, too.
00:18:37I feel like it's, uh, it's about time.
00:18:40It's about damn time, and I'm sorry.
00:18:43We're engaged.
00:18:47Wow.
00:18:48Is this what it feels like?
00:18:50Who am I?
00:18:51Who am I?
00:18:52Yes.
00:18:52We're engaged!
00:18:57He's a booboo, babe.
00:18:59He's doing so great.
00:19:03Is that what's next?
00:19:04Yeah.
00:19:08My love.
00:19:09I love you so much.
00:19:11I love you so much.
00:19:13There were definitely very trying moments within the past couple of months, but we're finally
00:19:31here, and I'm feeling ready.
00:19:33Throughout my time being here in this experience, I've come to the realization that there are
00:19:39multiple layers to my ultimatum.
00:19:41I don't think it's just about getting engaged and somebody not being ready.
00:19:45I think that I just deserve someone who's willing to grow with me, and, you know, I don't
00:19:52think I can be tied down by someone else's stuckness.
00:19:57I was ready to walk out of this experience at one point.
00:20:08I was ready to throw the towel in, and I stuck with it, and I'm so grateful that I did.
00:20:13But today, I'm feeling really scared.
00:20:19It's now time to make my final decision.
00:20:24I don't think I slept that much last night.
00:20:29I was thinking about what I'm going to say.
00:20:31I'm still going back and forth in my head.
00:20:36Dealing with difficult situations and people has been my weakness, I suppose.
00:20:41It's not going to be rainbows and butterflies, but that's where the rubber meets the road.
00:20:46Oh, wish I could just close my eyes, wake up, to it all just being a bad dream.
00:20:53The part where we break up, only happened deep in my snake.
00:20:59Oh, when will I wake up, wake up?
00:21:05Eight weeks ago, I issued an ultimatum.
00:21:10Up until this point, I've always just been so sure that I found my one.
00:21:16But at the same time, I've come so far in my own personal journey, and we still have some
00:21:27issues that we would have to deal with.
00:21:30I don't know if Aussie is ready to be what I need for me.
00:21:40I have a really tough decision to make.
00:21:43I'm going to have to do what I know is right for me.
00:21:54When I first walked into this experience, I used to think that in order to get married,
00:21:59I had to be the most perfect person, the most perfect kid, the most perfect anything.
00:22:06And I felt like I'm not good enough to get married to Sam.
00:22:12There's also this side of fear for me about commitment.
00:22:17Am I going to marry her? Maybe I'm not the one for her.
00:22:21It's an overwhelming out-of-body experience.
00:22:36This could be our last moment together.
00:22:40I don't know.
00:22:41I don't know if it's human.
00:22:43It's all mystery.
00:22:47Oh.
00:22:48Wow.
00:22:49Wow.
00:23:13Wow.
00:23:15It's so amazing.
00:23:18Wow.
00:23:19I've seen so many butterflies.
00:23:23I have too.
00:23:24You know how yellow butterflies are like my grandma?
00:23:29I saw one.
00:23:30And I saw the monarch, which is your grandma.
00:23:33My grandma, yes.
00:23:34And then coming up the path was a little baby lizard, which is like my uncle.
00:23:41And he was just staring at me.
00:23:46In your beautiful dress.
00:23:47Yes.
00:23:48Yeah.
00:23:49Oh, and you're beautiful.
00:23:53The whole idea of marriage.
00:23:56I was so scared to choose my life partner, you know.
00:24:06There are just so many of those moments of just like you walking away.
00:24:19And it's like this crazy experience, but I felt it.
00:24:23I tried really hard to support you in the way that you're asking.
00:24:27And I finally was able to hear you.
00:24:31Yeah.
00:24:32This experience has brought me to redefine marriage for myself.
00:24:38Yeah.
00:24:39There's a little story behind this decision, and I'd like to tell you that first.
00:24:45OK.
00:24:46So there are two species of penguins that live in the Antarctic, and when they find their
00:24:56life mate, they search along the shoreline of the Pebble Beach and look for the right rock,
00:25:02the perfect rock, the perfect rock to present to their life mate.
00:25:07And I thought that was a story I could relate to because I feel like I've found my lifelong mate
00:25:14in you.
00:25:15And I'd like to present you with my version of a rock to represent to you, to represent
00:25:32our love, and also that I've actually come a long way, you know, to be able to find my
00:25:39perfect life partner.
00:25:42So I would like to present to you light shape.
00:25:49It's the most powerful Librodite protection gemstone.
00:25:55And so I choose you.
00:26:05I'd like to share a little more, if you let me, of my journey to finding my perfect rock
00:26:21for you and how far I've come to realise that you are the most perfect partner for me through
00:26:33thick and thin.
00:26:35I think that we've shown ourselves what we're capable of, so I'd like to present you my search
00:26:45for my perfect rock.
00:26:46Oh my goodness.
00:26:47Will you, will you marry me?
00:26:52Will you marry me?
00:26:53Yes.
00:26:54It is so beautiful.
00:26:55Oh my goodness.
00:26:59Guess what happened?
00:27:00Boom.
00:27:01Oh tomatoes aren't all bad.
00:27:06I'm the happiest day of my life.
00:27:07I can feel you shaking.
00:27:08I know I am.
00:27:09I have been shaking since last night.
00:27:10Yeah.
00:27:11Pacing up and it's weird seeing you with me.
00:27:12It's weird seeing you with the chia.
00:27:13Oh my goodness.
00:27:14Yes.
00:27:15Oh my goodness.
00:27:16Oh my goodness.
00:27:21Oh my goodness.
00:27:23Oh my goodness.
00:27:24Guess what happened?
00:27:25Boom.
00:27:26Boom.
00:27:27All tomatoes aren't all bad.
00:27:28This is the happiest day of my life.
00:27:30I can feel you shaking.
00:27:33I know I am.
00:27:35i have been shaking since last night pacing up and it's weird seeing you with lipstick
00:27:41let's get rid of some of that did you think i was going to give you like just that i don't
00:27:47think so no you would have been fine if i just gave you that no
00:27:56no i i'm glad i got the ring
00:28:00i walked in here eight weeks ago ready to marry vanessa
00:28:26i never anticipated doing anything less than that like i've always wanted to be
00:28:31loyal to her and like that's what she deserves that's what anyone deserves like being in a
00:28:35relationship we had this great foundation but also i did get an emotional and physical
00:28:43connection with someone else that was not her that's really upsetting for her and for me
00:28:55coming into this experience i didn't expect this i'm not really being given an ultimatum anymore
00:29:07it's like she took it away i thought i was going to have to make a decision at the end
00:29:11of this and it turns out really she is we're not the same people that we were just two months ago
00:29:18everything's just like so confusing i don't think that i know yet who i want to give myself to
00:29:24i just know that i do want to choose what's best for me and it's hard
00:29:31through my whole relationship with xander she gave me so much love that is what i want and i think it
00:29:36took a little bit of time alone to really feel that weight but i am as ready as i'll ever be to
00:29:41hear what sander has to say today
00:29:57now this is how the story goes
00:30:04one for 10 and one for i this whole experience has been such
00:30:11a mindfuck i'm 30 years old and for 30 years of my life i didn't see marriage in my future
00:30:18settling down in a home with one person but when i realized that xander was connecting with someone
00:30:24it like flipped a switch in me i realized i wanted her to be online it's been a roller coaster obviously
00:30:32but i look back on our four years together and i recognized the law that was obviously evidently there
00:30:38so i am confident going into this day knowing how i feel knowing what i deserve and knowing where i
00:30:46want our relationship to go i'll be on my knees i'll be begging please
00:30:55i gave vanessa the ultimatum because we've been dating for four years and we can't just keep dating
00:31:00forever with me knowing that i want to get married and you don't my trial marriage with yoli showed me
00:31:06there is someone else i can have feelings for you know she wants marriage and kids and all of those
00:31:12things even though i have these thoughts of yoli in my head like that's a very real thing
00:31:19i truly love vanessa unconditionally despite so much that we've been through in our four years i'm just
00:31:27like damn i love you though i really cannot imagine my life without her in it and if vanessa and i don't
00:31:34walk out of here engaged i am definitely risking losing her forever that's so hard to admit no matter
00:31:43what this decision will be completely life-changing
00:32:13i can't believe we're here i can't believe we made it to the
00:32:43this point it's wild it's definitely hard to sleep i feel like you need to talk first
00:32:55i cannot imagine not having you in my life for the past four years i've gotten to wake up happy
00:33:02nearly every day and that's because of you you taught me how to cook how to swim how to shuffle cards
00:33:11you've made the most mundane tasks like grocery shopping like so exciting and it feels like an
00:33:19adventure every time you're a huge part of me and i'm so thankful for that
00:33:26this experience has been really hard and it's definitely not what we expected and i know that
00:33:32but i do feel like you've showed me so much love and support over the past few weeks
00:33:37i feel like that we're gonna leave better than how we came i'm gonna love you forever
00:33:44i know that i've dreamt about proposing to you before
00:33:54in all those dreams it was with us both feeling a lot more confident and secure in our decision
00:34:08and i feel like that's not where we're at right now which sucks
00:34:14i wish i could give you the world i thought that i was going to be able to and i thought i was
00:34:25going to be able to make everything that you wanted all your dreams come true and you deserve
00:34:30a lot more than what i can offer you right now
00:34:31my heart's been slowly breaking over the past two months
00:34:42this is absolutely not how i thought this experience would end yeah me either
00:34:50i never realized how much i needed to grow until coming here i just thought i love myself as i am and
00:34:57i don't see anything i need to change but coming here i realized there were a lot of things that i
00:35:01did want to change about who i am and who i am in a relationship and just who i am in general and i'm
00:35:06really proud of the person i am and the person i think i'll become i have been holding on to hope
00:35:18the xander that i took to the nutcracker and drank prosecco with in venice and built a gingerbread
00:35:23house with and went on a boat ride with in kawai that that gender is going to resurface for me
00:35:32i want to feel that love from you so badly that i've just been accepting any breadcrumbs you give me
00:35:41part of the scariness of this all is facing the unknown of what it feels like to not be with you
00:35:48to see you move on with someone else to maybe see you start a family with someone else and to feel
00:35:55that loss of the future that i wanted for us
00:36:00thank you for four years together they changed me i don't know who i would be without those four years
00:36:08with you i will always love you you're the reason i know what love is
00:36:25we'll meet again if it's right and it might be at a taco truck or it might be in another life when we're
00:36:30both birds but the universe brought us together after we didn't think it would and it might happen
00:36:38again and i'm gonna hold out hope for that
00:36:52you're so strong i'm not strong i'm not strong you have no idea you have no idea what it's like to
00:37:12feel you slipping away oh for four years i really felt like you viewed me as the one for you and you
00:37:32would love me deeply forever and choose me over and over you know me you've loved me you know my fears my
00:37:42insecurities you know everything you know everyone in my life i never thought you wouldn't choose me
00:37:51i wish i could still give you that i do i don't know how i'm going to stop seeing you as the person
00:37:58that i'm in love with and want a future with like that's what i see when i look at you even right now
00:38:04you're gonna have to reset all that maybe like he said another time i love you i love you i will love
00:38:17you forever i don't understand why you don't want to grow alongside me i don't understand it
00:38:26unless it's more about you exploring something with someone else
00:38:40we've had the best relationship i love you oh i hate past tense me too
00:39:10i know that she loves me and like i think that she knows that i love her but i think
00:39:22that we both know that
00:39:25we're not supposed to be together right now if maybe not ever
00:39:31as much as i really wanted to marry her three months ago i think that because i knew that she
00:39:35never wanted to get married and i did and then now it's flip-flopped and like i don't know like
00:39:39yes we were very compatible and like great partners together but we were never on the same page and
00:39:46we're still not on the same page so at some point i think that i knew that this would be like our the
00:39:52end of our story a huge part of it too is i did fall in love with someone else and that's so
00:39:57not where i thought i was going to be today or in this experience at all and i have to figure out
00:40:04what that means for me i still have to talk to yoli today and i definitely still want to get married
00:40:12and have kids like soon so i don't know i just need to figure out like what my next step is
00:40:25eight weeks ago i issued the ultimatum and i thought i was so sure of myself and what i wanted
00:40:31and so i told mal yes while being in love with somebody else and i'm still kind of
00:40:41left wondering if i made the best decision for myself oh god if zanna were to fight for me i don't
00:40:50know i don't know i don't know what i would say i kind of just want to hear where she's at
00:40:56you know i don't know okay calm down
00:41:26i like that you told me to calm down
00:41:57why nervous about
00:42:02you know what i guess i kind of want to first ask you
00:42:09where you're at with vanessa so i mean this morning was was really hard you saw her this morning yeah
00:42:16it was really hard we both agreed that it wasn't like the best thing for us to be together i have too
00:42:24much going on and a lot of it has to do with like feelings for you so
00:42:31i feel like neither one of us expected this at all
00:42:58and it definitely took me by surprise and i think it's probably going to take
00:43:04a lot of our friends and family by surprise too
00:43:08we have a very obvious connection and i realized that outside of this experience we have to work a lot
00:43:15to like get through like obstacles but i truly believe that you and i could do that together
00:43:21i love the way that you make me feel like that we have this like crazy stupid love for each other and i love it and it makes me feel incredible
00:43:35and i would really regret like leaving here in this experience if i didn't like make you confident
00:43:45about how much i love you and like how much i do want you because i feel like you and i could work out so well
00:43:53and could have a beautiful life together
00:44:07i feel pretty confident
00:44:18i know that my life with you would be great um oh god
00:44:24um
00:44:40mal proposed this morning
00:44:43i said yes
00:44:44and um i wanted to take the ring off before seeing you mainly because i didn't want it
00:44:53i just wanted to i just still wasn't sure where you were at
00:45:03and it was like really hard to have to be like yes
00:45:07i need you to know that like i'm still very much in love with somebody else and it doesn't make it go
00:45:11away and it doesn't make us everything that we've gone through go away
00:45:21it's not easy to hear
00:45:25do you feel confident in your choice
00:45:28i don't want to let you go and you don't know what the you do i just don't know
00:45:35i love you this isn't a matter of not loving you
00:45:38or not believing in us
00:45:40i very much
00:45:42very much do
00:45:43which has made this so difficult
00:45:46it's not from lack of love
00:45:48everyone's been like pick love and pick yourself
00:45:52i think picking myself would be picking
00:45:55you
00:45:56and i'm so conflicted in that i feel it for you in my heart and i feel it for mal in my head
00:46:02head it's easier to know in your like head about mal because you do have like the history and it makes sense
00:46:15it was so not what i imagined my engagement to be like yeah but it's where i'm at
00:46:22i'm finding it hard to know what to say right now i'm sorry i know no don't you don't have to
00:46:27you 100% don't have to i feel like at some point every part of me like wanted to be your hell yes
00:46:34and what you just told me like it doesn't change any of that
00:46:37so
00:46:46still lose you
00:46:47I love you too.
00:46:53I love you.
00:46:55I love you too.
00:47:01I love you.
00:47:05I want to work off with you.
00:47:07Just fucking work off.
00:47:17I love you too.
00:47:28I love you too.
00:47:35I love you too.
00:47:42I love you too.
00:47:44I'm sorry.
00:47:48You're perfect, you know.
00:47:53You know that.
00:47:57All I can think to say is that if love were enough, I would 100% be by your side.
00:48:06There's just a good different sense of loyalty that I think I'm being drawn to.
00:48:14See it through.
00:48:15I have to.
00:48:18I trust you.
00:48:20Thank you for that.
00:48:22Of course.
00:48:24I know you do.
00:48:26I know you do.
00:48:27I don't want this shit.
00:48:28I'm not in love with Mal the same way I'm in love with Xander.
00:48:40Mal.
00:48:41Mal.
00:48:42Yoli chose Mal.
00:48:43Why do I feel like I'm walking away from my love?
00:48:46I feel like shit.
00:48:47I'm not in love with Mal the same way I'm in love with Xander.
00:48:52Mal.
00:48:54Yoli chose Mal.
00:48:56Why do I feel like I'm walking away from my love?
00:48:59My love.
00:49:01I feel like shit.
00:49:03I'm not sure if I'll see Yoli again, maybe.
00:49:06Do you want to see Yoli again?
00:49:08I mean, yeah.
00:49:12Xander!
00:49:13What?
00:49:14Do you think Yoli made a mistake today?
00:49:28No.
00:49:29I think you guys got enough.
00:49:30I think you guys got enough.
00:49:31I think you guys got enough.
00:49:33I think you guys got enough.
00:49:37All right.
00:49:55I'm in love with you.
00:49:57Okay.
00:49:58it's the morning of the big decision and i am very nervous it's hitting me how real
00:50:23everything is becoming this relationship with ray is more than i could ask for it's all i really want
00:50:31i'm remembering all the good times i'm remembering like so many moments that we've had together
00:50:37and they've been beautiful i feel proud of myself for everything i've done here
00:50:43i don't regret this experience i don't regret any of the tough moments and i certainly don't
00:50:49regret the good ones regardless of what the outcome is i will not wish i did anything different
00:50:56i always wait last minute to make a decision and here i am the day of i'm making one of the biggest
00:51:13decisions in my life and i don't know how it will pan out later today i've been thinking about it
00:51:19all morning it's just like turning in my head why was i in this relationship for three years why have
00:51:24i been envisioning a life with lexi that i'm like oh fuck it takes a lot of work to be in a marriage
00:51:30i don't know if i'm ready to do that i know it'll be different when i actually see lexi face to face
00:51:36instead of staring at a polaroid i'm really hoping that today brings me some magical clarity
00:51:42i'm still a little nervous i don't know what the words are going to be like
00:51:47i am ready to make the final decision
00:52:00i'm scared that she's not ready to make the final decision for me
00:52:04this is the type of relationship you think is going to become forever what happens if it ends
00:52:12and it really can end here this could be the first moment of the rest of your life
00:52:18or it could be the last moment of ray and lexi i think i have to be ready to walk out of here alone
00:52:24two months ago i issued ray the ultimatum because for better or for worse good or bad
00:52:38i was ready to marry her but there's been a lot of crazy moments here that have
00:52:45made me question why i came here
00:52:47i'm overwhelmed with everything that we have together
00:52:52ray's been my home my safety my partner my best friend
00:52:57being on the other side of that storm and seeing this incredible rainbow
00:53:01that's what i want
00:53:02knowing someone is the one is a hard question for me
00:53:10i don't know if i'm supposed to know or when i'm supposed to know or if it's supposed to be some
00:53:15movie like snap where the picture just comes into focus
00:53:19but i think lexi and i have grown a lot in this experience
00:53:22we are the closest we've ever been to the answer
00:53:27you're gonna get what you deserve
00:53:33i don't know if i can ever be 100 sure about anything
00:53:42but i know i've made a decision and that for me is my 100
00:53:46percent
00:53:49you're welcome
00:53:52no
00:53:53no
00:53:56no
00:53:57no
00:53:58no
00:54:00no
00:54:05no
00:54:06no
00:54:08no
00:54:09Let me just breathe for a second.
00:54:32Give me like 30 more seconds.
00:54:41You can have at least 60 if you need them.
00:54:45I almost cried my sight.
00:54:57As you know, like, I'm like not the most certain of people, which obviously got us into this whole mess to begin with.
00:55:07Throughout this whole process, I've kind of spiraled, right?
00:55:10Like with the what ifs in thinking of like, okay, how does this end?
00:55:14What are the different things?
00:55:16And I think for me, I finally took a step back.
00:55:18I was like, okay, within the three years that we've been together, like, what do I love?
00:55:23And why do I envision a future with you?
00:55:27And then it's like the little things.
00:55:31How you let me pick out which oysters I want to eat and you eat the creepy ones and the creepy calamari.
00:55:36How every time you come into the house after you've made a steak, you say the same exact fucking thing.
00:55:42I've done it again. I've made the best steak. It's perfect.
00:55:48And it always is. Just like our adventures, you know, going skiing, how you can look down a black diamond and do it, but you go to a snail's pace over a box that's barely above the ground.
00:56:00Um, you're just so like tenacious and like, just go after what you want.
00:56:05Oh, sorry.
00:56:12How you're just so kind to everyone that crosses your path.
00:56:15How you fiercely protect all the people in your family, all your friends.
00:56:19You make me just feel safe, protected, and just loved.
00:56:23I just want to grow with you. I just want to keep growing our little home together.
00:56:34I want us to keep challenging each other. I think we've done that a lot here.
00:56:37You're just my sexy, smart, funny, kind, thoughtful human.
00:56:44I don't know. I just love you. I just love you. I love you too.
00:56:52I'm just so thankful to have you. And just thinking about losing you is just not in the cards.
00:56:59I choose you. I just love you.
00:57:03I love you too.
00:57:05And with that being said, I was kind of wondering.
00:57:14Lexi.
00:57:17Will you marry me?
00:57:22Yes.
00:57:23Yes.
00:57:25Yes.
00:57:26Yes.
00:57:35Can I put them on now?
00:57:38Yes.
00:57:39Your dad really did all the things.
00:57:45There's no one I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you.
00:57:48Holy shit.
00:57:53All right, sit down.
00:58:00Good deep breath.
00:58:01So?
00:58:06Oh no.
00:58:07You don't have to do that.
00:58:10My Scoopy.
00:58:11Oh no.
00:58:12My babe.
00:58:13My forever love.
00:58:16Will you marry me?
00:58:17Of course.
00:58:25Get your ass up.
00:58:26I'm shaking.
00:58:27I love you.
00:58:28I love you too.
00:58:29Holy shit.
00:58:30You're moving to Philly, baby?
00:58:31We are moving to Philly.
00:58:32I love you.
00:58:33You got the rings.
00:58:34How do we do this?
00:58:35Do you go this way?
00:58:36Do you go this way?
00:58:37I give him one of these.
00:58:39Oh, hello, fiance.
00:58:40Shall we, baby?
00:58:41We are moving to Philly.
00:58:43We are moving to Philly.
00:58:44I love you.
00:58:47You got the rings.
00:58:48How do we do this?
00:58:49Do you go this way?
00:58:50Do you go this way?
00:58:51I give him one of these.
00:58:53Oh, hello, fiance.
00:58:56Shall we, baby?
00:58:57We shall.
00:58:59Fiance?
00:59:00Fiance.
00:59:01Fiance.
00:59:02That was a nice ring to it.
00:59:06I can leave now.
00:59:07I got it.
00:59:08I think we can leave now.
00:59:09We can leave now.
00:59:10She can come with me.
00:59:11She's already forgot.
00:59:12She's my fiance.
00:59:13She only wanted one thing and she was like,
00:59:14bye.
00:59:15Done.
00:59:16I love you.
00:59:17I love you too.
00:59:18Forever.
00:59:19I love you too.
00:59:29This experience has been a lot of ups and a lot of downs.
00:59:34A lot of walk out.
00:59:36A lot of walk.
00:59:38I'll call them pauses.
00:59:39A lot of pauses.
00:59:41Everything led to this point and everything was definitely worth it.
00:59:46We do have to face a little bit of reality of how you're going to handle telling your family.
00:59:52Yeah.
00:59:53Surprise.
00:59:54Surprise.
00:59:55This is the one I chose.
00:59:56Yeah.
00:59:58My lifetime pauses.
00:59:59Oh, you mean me.
01:00:00I thought you meant the ring.
01:00:01Oh, no.
01:00:02You, babe.
01:00:03Oh, okay.
01:00:05Every second that I'm with you, I don't risk it all.
01:00:10I'm feeling overwhelmed.
01:00:11Excited.
01:00:12Yoli's where she's at.
01:00:13She's been nothing but honest about how she feels.
01:00:16Being in love with two people is difficult and I intend to support my partner like I have been through this.
01:00:24Fiance.
01:00:25Sorry.
01:00:26My fiance.
01:00:28I can't explain it.
01:00:30Yoli had a choice and she made that.
01:00:32We're not looking back.
01:00:34Regardless of the road, I feel confident in our tools.
01:00:38Regardless of what you said, I knew that I still had to tell you.
01:00:42I still had to propose to you.
01:00:44You did good.
01:00:46Did I?
01:00:48It was tough.
01:00:49I'm falling way too hard.
01:00:52I'm falling way too far.
01:00:56Every second that I'm with you.
01:00:59It does hurt to hear that Yoli chose Mao.
01:01:02I don't know where I'm going to go from here.
01:01:04I definitely still want to get married.
01:01:06Over this past experience, I definitely feel like I've changed for the better.
01:01:09I think I have a long way to go, but I definitely feel better just like in my own skin and everything.
01:01:19I did not expect this.
01:01:21Hell no.
01:01:23Confidently, I came in here saying I don't think marriage is for me.
01:01:26I realized a lot during this experience about myself and now marriage is an option for me.
01:01:31And I want that full love and I want to offer someone full love and you kind of have to just take the fear along with that.
01:01:37And I think that's beautiful and wonderful.
01:01:39And I'm ready to open my heart up to a lot more in life.
01:01:55Okay.
01:01:57Lexi and I are kind of figuring out our life together.
01:02:00We're going to trek across the country.
01:02:02Ray's got a job in Philly, so we're going to start our life there for a little while.
01:02:06And I'm excited.
01:02:08I'd recommend this experience.
01:02:09This shit is hard.
01:02:11Don't let anybody fool you.
01:02:12You are literally feeling shit every day of the week.
01:02:14But if you can like live in that, then I do think you can learn a lot here.
01:02:18Yeah, this is a success regardless of like the emotional turmoil I felt like I've gone through.
01:02:24I love you.
01:02:25I love you too.
01:02:28My fiance.
01:02:29Ooh.
01:02:30Does that sound sexy?
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:32I absolutely do not regret giving Tiff the ultimatum because I know that Tiff was going to come through.
01:02:37I don't think that we would be here right now engaged in this moment if it were not for this experience.
01:02:45Oh, yeah.
01:02:46You have to feel uncomfortable to move.
01:02:49Yeah.
01:02:50And I think it took all of that to lead me right back to her as a better version.
01:02:57You're my love.
01:02:58I'm so happy.
01:02:59Well, you better be happy because look at the shit I had to go through.
01:03:02Look at the shit you put me through.
01:03:03I went through.
01:03:04I went through this too.
01:03:05I know, but you put me through this.
01:03:06I deserve a gift.
01:03:07I deserve a gift.
01:03:08So your gift was your ring.
01:03:09Sorry.
01:03:10This is fighting all the time.
01:03:12Damn.
01:03:13Get it together, babe.
01:03:14I got it together.
01:03:15I proposed to you.
01:03:16What do you mean?
01:03:19My heart is beating so hard for you, babe.
01:03:22That's good.
01:03:23Well, no.
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