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01:40Ladies and gentlemen, Kenan Ivory Wayans.
01:44Won't be here tonight.
01:46Unfortunately, Kenan's a little tied up right now, but he did ask me to host the show for him.
01:52Let me introduce myself.
01:53My name is Sean Wayans, better known as DJ SW1.
01:57I'm the second youngest and probably the most talented one in the Wayans family.
02:01Because of that, there's gonna be a couple of changes.
02:05Paul?
02:06Yes, Sean.
02:07You're fired, man.
02:08Lisa, baby, you're gonna be my new director.
02:12And Deirdre, I want you to be my new personal assistant.
02:15But yesterday, you said I could sing.
02:17Hey, baby, not now.
02:19Next time, it's gonna be about y'all.
02:21Not right now.
02:22Let me host the show.
02:23Uh, I'd like to get on with the show.
02:26Please, could I have a spotlight?
02:28No, not on them.
02:29Just on me.
02:30Why don't you rip your head off?
02:32Tonight, there's not gonna be any sketches.
02:34It's just gonna be a one-man show.
02:35And I'd like to start off with my favorite impression.
02:38This one kills me.
02:41Bill Cosby.
02:45Oh, come on, man.
02:58Hello, hello.
03:10What would you do if the man that you were living with and supporting for five long years
03:17got weak in the knees every time you mentioned the word marriage?
03:21Joining us today are two couples who are having that same exact problem.
03:27Say hello, if you will, to Mary Stewart.
03:30Hold the applause till I finished, please.
03:34Her male oppressor, Rollo Wells.
03:37Jennifer Kent.
03:41And her poor excuse for a man, Daryl Tills.
03:48Now, Mary, you said that Rollo actually showed up to your...
03:56wedding and then didn't go through with the vows at the last moment?
04:00Oprah, I was totally humiliated.
04:04Mm-hmm.
04:05I mean, look at him.
04:06Mm-hmm.
04:07And he shows up only to take back his little funky ring.
04:10That's the only reason why he came.
04:12Now, let me tell you what really happened, all right?
04:13Shut up.
04:14Shut up, little girl.
04:15Don't interrupt the girl.
04:17Mm-hmm.
04:19Mm-hmm.
04:20Well, I could have died.
04:21I mean, my whole family was there.
04:23They never even believed I was gonna get married.
04:25I had a new dress and a little armor.
04:28I know...
04:29I couldn't believe they had my nails done.
04:31I know just what you mean.
04:32I know just what you mean.
04:33You know, me and Stedman broke up.
04:35Mm-hmm.
04:36Yep.
04:37He said that he can't commit to marriage.
04:40I know.
04:41He said that he's not ready to spend the rest of his life with me.
04:44He certainly can't spend my money, though.
04:48Rallo, why did you walk out on her?
04:50Who's asking?
04:51Just answer the question.
04:53Well, when we...
04:54You know, we first got...
04:55She told me she was a virgin when we first met.
04:57You know, I found out the other day she got six kids.
05:00So?
05:01So?
05:03All of these...
05:04Why is it we women always have to be so beautiful, you men?
05:08Who?
05:09All them kids are bigger than me.
05:12She got a son look like Eric Diggity.
05:17Jennifer, my girlfriend.
05:19You've been with this man for eight long years.
05:22How much longer are you gonna hang around?
05:24Well, it's hard when you put a relationship together
05:28and you put all of your time into it.
05:30And it's okay.
05:31I don't...
05:32In other words, homeboy's still throwing down in your bedroom.
05:34Oh, yeah!
05:36Yeah!
05:37Gerald, do you ever plan on marrying a girlfriend over here?
05:45Oh, well, okay.
05:46Now, like, to answer your question, that's a yes and a no.
05:49Mm-hmm.
05:50See, like, I'm with her now, but I still wanna be, like, free and easy
05:54in case something better come along.
05:56You did not say that on my show.
05:58What do I say?
05:59Caller!
06:00Caller!
06:01Caller!
06:02Caller, you say what?
06:03Yes, poker.
06:04I just wanna say that every time I say.
06:05Really?
06:06Is that you willing?
06:07Yeah, Robbo, that you...
06:08I just hit the number, man!
06:09You just hit the number?
06:10Yeah!
06:11Oh, man, congratulations, man.
06:13I guess you can bring me my $7 now.
06:14Gerald, don't you think it's ever gonna be too late?
06:17I mean, what about children?
06:18Yeah, well, now, look here, Robbo.
06:20Uh, to answer your question, that's a yes and a no on them children, see?
06:23Mm-hmm.
06:24As you know, a man remains fertile until his late 60s.
06:27Mm-hmm.
06:28So that gives me about another 31 years to spread my seed.
06:30Right, fellas?
06:31Mm-hmm.
06:32No, but I was figuring, like, uh, she could, you know,
06:34drop that calf when she's about 45 or 50.
06:36Ain't that right, baby?
06:37That's what I was thinking.
06:38No, that's not what you were thinking.
06:39Let me tell you what you were thinking.
06:41You were thinking that you would leave us sitting home barefoot and pregnant
06:44while you go out hanging out with your friends,
06:46hanging out in my condo on Lexington Drive,
06:48eating at my restaurant,
06:50putting out my money.
06:51That's what you thought.
06:52That's what you thought.
06:53That's what you thought.
06:54I don't want to leave you.
06:55Do you hear me?
06:57God is my lover.
06:58God is my friend.
07:00We're Oreos.
07:02Huh?
07:03Oh!
07:04Oh!
07:05Oh, Oreos!
07:06Oh!
07:07Oh!
07:08Oh!
07:09Oh!
07:10Oh!
07:11Oh!
07:12Oh!
07:13Oh!
07:14Oh!
07:15Oh!
07:16Oh!
07:21Hello there.
07:22Hi, honey.
07:23You're a Mighty Jiffer this morning.
07:24Why shouldn't I be?
07:25Got my old job back.
07:27I can't wait to get back out to sea.
07:29I'm so proud of you.
07:31I made you a big breakfast.
07:32Dig in.
07:33Great!
07:34Listen, honey.
07:35I want you to know I think it's wonderful the way you stuck by me through this whole thing.
07:39this whole thing well i stuck by you sam because i believe in you i know you oh they made you out
07:45to look like such a klutz such a moron the media really took advantage of you after all it wasn't
07:53your fault that your tanker hit that wreath and leaked all that oil just because you're the
07:58captain doesn't mean you should be responsible for every little thing that happens to your ship
08:04and when the tanker did start leaking well the company did just what they were supposed to do
08:09they laid down a containment boom that's what any rational group would do
08:14how are they supposed to know the spill was too big to be contained they were just doing what
08:20they thought was right so they did the next logical thing what was that they poured absorbent material
08:28on the spill to soak it up are you okay honey yeah just getting a coffee yeah that
08:38absorbent material was a great idea too bad it just made a bigger mess
08:47if they really turned the tide when they decided to burn it off that was brilliant sometimes that's
08:53the only thing that'll work
08:58it's the cleansing power of flame you just have to burn off what you can and let mother nature take
09:04care of the rest through evaporation hell's bells in a hundred years or so they'll never know there was a
09:10silly little spill at all no i think you're right hon we did good you sure did i'm so proud of you sam
09:19goodness look at the time there's a fresh tanker of crude in the harbor mister and it's got your name on it
09:25i love you bye don't forget your lunch oh yeah
09:31got it this fall it's the exxon family nobody's perfect
09:55black innovators have often failed to get the credit due them for their brilliant work in the business
09:59world in 1975 entrepreneur kelvin thompson was employed at a gas station in detroit he was working
10:06one sunny afternoon when a customer drove up in a baby blue sedan hey buddy can i get a little gas
10:14over here thompson had a moment of inspiration and said to the customer get at your damn self
10:20home so today we salute kelvin thompson inventor of the self-service gas station
10:31i'm david allen greer and this has been another great moment in black history
10:36i'm back
10:49a black queen upon the scene with a knack for funky tracks know what i mean prince poor produces this
10:54and it's a fly one it had to be that way he's one of my sons it's a family affair and then we're
10:59out of here there's no doubt here cause this is our year so flexed to a queen latifah de la soul sound
11:07the american heritage dictionary defines a transition as
11:10an instance or process of changing from one form to another so this is one transition
11:28and this is another
11:40but this my friends is my favorite transition of all
11:56wait till they get a load of me
11:58jim is fabulous he must be eating green eggs and i am hey i'm downtown julie brown with you
12:13rocking it uptown downtown and upside down and every place sets in between we've got some great music
12:19coming your way the new tune from that hot little sneaker commercial something else from a little beer
12:23commercial but right now i got a little treat for you miss whitney houston in her world premiere video
12:29the rhythmless nation check it out
12:35one four three two one
12:45is
12:59I am a part of a rhythmless nation
13:29I am a part of a rhythmless rhythm
13:59Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen
14:16Please do not be alarmed
14:19There seems to be some sort of sister malfunction
14:24My name is Anton
14:28I am a victim of society
14:33And an entertainer
14:36I will keep you company until the problem has resolved
14:43Let me wipe that on there for you
14:46Some of you may already recognize me
14:53From some of my many television appearances
14:56I was on the 6 o'clock news last night
15:00Yeah, I was the dude in the chokehold
15:03Is this thing on?
15:10Hey, I know what you guys like
15:13You want to hear some impressions
15:14All right, here's one
15:16This is Elvis Presley
15:18If he was alive today
15:21Hey, get me out of here
15:24I ain't dead yet
15:25Somebody dig me up
15:27The king, ladies and gentlemen
15:31The king
15:33Now, I would love to perform for free for y'all
15:40But the union stipulates that I collect compensation
15:45For my creative endeavors
15:49So I appreciate it
15:52If when I pass my sneaker around
15:55You would be so kind as to give to the cause
16:00Cause rent is due
16:02Ain't gonna pass it down
16:06Oh, I know it
16:09Y'all want to see some more of my challenge
16:11All right
16:13How about a song?
16:20Give it up for the band, ladies and gentlemen
16:23Maceo and the gang
16:28You got what I need
16:35And they say she's just a friend
16:38Just a friend, not a cousin
16:39Say she's just a friend
16:41Oh, baby, you
16:43Got what I need
16:46Look, look, look
16:48I'm gonna give you anything, man
16:50Just be quiet
16:51Oh, dang, bruh
16:53Hey, bruh, so power
16:55So power
16:56Oh, bitch
16:57Y'all too kind
17:00Oh, that hit me in my head
17:01I'm getting off with the next step
17:05Me too
17:05I'm sorry, passengers
17:08But we will be delayed for several more minutes
17:10Please excuse us for the inconvenience
17:12Oh, oh, ladies and gentlemen
17:15I'm happy to announce
17:17That show number two
17:19Has just begun
17:21I'd like to recite a sequela key
17:24If I can
17:26To be or not to be
17:31That always confused me
17:34Give me body
17:50Don't make me wait
17:55Come into my house
17:58Give me body
18:00Don't make me wait
18:03Come into my house
18:06It's a ready man
18:10And now, Public Access Television presents
18:13Men on Art
18:15Hello, I'm Blaine Edwards
18:27And I'm Antoine Merriweather
18:29And welcome to Men on Art
18:31The show that looks at great art
18:33From the past and present
18:35From a male point of view
18:36Yes, the first little piece we'd like to discuss
18:39Oh, don't forget our sponsor
18:40What?
18:41Don't forget our new sponsor
18:42Oh, good golly, Miss Molly
18:44That's right
18:45Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by
18:49Ben Gay
18:51I ain't gonna touch it
19:02Ben did
19:04As I was saying
19:07Our first piece we're gonna discuss
19:09Is Rembrandt's The Night Watch
19:12This is so nice to see male bonding
19:14See how they all dressed up with the swords
19:16And acting butch
19:17But they're still together
19:18Uh-huh
19:19Yeah
19:20Our next piece we're gonna discuss
19:24Is Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa
19:27Hated it
19:29You know, where are Miss Mona's eyebrows?
19:33Tell me
19:34Yes
19:34I think somebody went a little tweezer crazy
19:37You better stop
19:38Look who's talking
19:39Don't hate me
19:41Cause I'm beautiful
19:42And this little thingy over here
19:49That's Botticelli's Birth of Venus
19:51Hated it
19:53And now we come to
19:56Andy Warhol's
19:57Portrait of Marilyn Monroe
19:59Oh, I wish I was still a blonde
20:03Yeah, and Dorothy
20:04Wished she could go back to Kansas
20:05I have just two words to describe this
20:10Gorgeous
20:11I have to disagree
20:13Marilyn was nothing but a slut
20:15I mean, two Kennedys and a mafioso
20:19That trash was working overtime
20:21Oh, you are so wrong
20:25Marilyn, Miss Marilyn was the last true diva
20:28Oh, you know I used to do it in my nightclub act
20:30An evening with the stars
20:31With hairy legs
20:33Now, don't go there
20:33I'm sorry, Twan
20:37I liked your little nightclub skits
20:44Did you really like it?
20:45Crossed my heart and hoped it looked like Whoopi Goldberg in my next life
20:48Well, our next piece is truly a work of art
20:55Yes, it is
20:56It's Michelangelo's Statue of David
21:00Gasp and swoon, I just caught the vapors
21:05Now, this is art
21:13Yes, it is
21:14And little David is working that bow tie
21:16You know that was my idea
21:22Yes, we're gonna have to give this one two snaps up in a circle
21:25I mean, what power, what strength, what a man
21:37I see why could life drop dead
21:40Well, it looks like we're just about out of time
21:44Join us next week when we'll be looking at Gainsborough's The Blue Boy
21:48And this David again
21:49And this David again
21:50You know what?
21:51Bye
21:52It's amazing
21:53It's amazing
21:54It's amazing
21:55It's amazing
21:56It's amazing
21:57It's amazing
21:58It's amazing
21:59It's amazing
22:00It's amazing
22:01It's amazing
22:02Thank you
22:03Thank you very much
22:05Thank you very much
22:06Thank you, gentlemen
22:07Let's see y'all in a little bit of color
22:08We'll see y'all next week
22:09Peace
22:10Thanks
22:11We'll see you next week
22:12We'll see you next week
22:13amis
22:26We'll see you next week
22:28We'll see you next week
22:29Bye
22:31Bye
22:33I can do what you want, baby.
23:03I can do what you want, baby.