- 09/06/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You can do what you want to do, in living color, in living style, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can walk all the moon float like a balloon, you see it's never too late and it's never too soon, take it from me it's alright to be, in living color,
00:29and how would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete, and all mankind danced to the exact beat, and at night it was safe to walk down the street, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, everybody here is equally kind, in living color,
00:57what's mine is yours or what's yours is mine, in living color, and how would you feel knowing everybody was different, from thin to thicker through thicker than an egotypical trip was put to an end, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, in living color, you can walk all the moon float like a balloon, you see it's never too late and it's never too soon,
01:27still knowing prejudice was obsolete, and all mankind danced to the exact beat, and at night it was safe to walk down the street, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color, you can do what you want to do, in living color.
01:57thank you thank you I'm Keenan Ivey Wayans welcome to the show like I said I
02:05always like to keep you short and sweet so we start by saying hello to my crew
02:09my DJ SW1 and before we get to the laughs we got to get to the ladies
02:18starting over here with Carrie Carrie Ann Lisa Michelle and Deidre all right sit
02:31back relax we'll be there in a minute see ya
02:48welcome to the first meeting of complete self-defense for women I'm Bob Jackson
03:10I have a black belt in karate I've studied martial arts for over 20 years
03:18I'm also a former world champion now this course may cost more than others but I
03:36guarantee you'll never be afraid of violence again now let me ask
03:47what are you ladies most concerned about yes you okay so you find out something
03:55about your husband like he got another wife and some kids what I want to know is
04:01how do you kill a man in his sleep let me think about that one why don't we start though with defense
04:14against the knife attack who would like to attack me oh me I got one in my purse why don't you try
04:23this is a real knife don't worry about it grasshopper I don't know I really I
04:31I don't think I should I don't think I should it's okay come on
04:40oh my god I'm really sorry I didn't mean it are you all right I'm fine I shifted my internal organs to
04:54avoid the knife however like a lot of beginning students you attacked me wrong you're supposed to come
05:07at me like this remember that and try it again okay this is a downward thing all righty
05:20I'm sorry you seem to be losing a lot of blood can I get you anything oh man
05:32you see you're still bending your elbows you've got to keep your arm completely straight
05:51oh that's the whole key oh god all right all right try it one more time
06:00okay okay I got it all right that's it yeah just like that yeah
06:07I just wanted to show her how easy it can be yeah yeah after 20 years this class is a rip-off I want
06:23my money back right me too and I looked it up and in 1976 Chuck Norris was the world champion
06:30what I never said I was the only world champion there were lots of them I sparred with Elvis wow
06:39okay uh say uh you wake up from a deep sleep and your wife is doing this
06:44ow what would you do and Ike Turner does this okay Elvis does this
06:49oh that might have hurt if I hadn't shifted mr. happy
07:12well congratulations tom on your new promotion you represent our commitment to youth thank you boss
07:19later babe bye bye gee another promotion for tom what is it youth hey he's two years older than I am
07:28maybe it's this gray that's holding me back get rid of that gray add some zest some color to your life
07:36with new and improved gratian formula gratian formula makes the change so gradual that no one will notice
07:44i'll call you back jim there's something different about you are you wearing a new suit you look a little
07:51uh more manly you know jim in the last few weeks something seems uh different about you
08:01you've been working out i know you lost some weight well whatever it is keep it up
08:07new and improved gratian formula adds zest and color
08:19live from las vegas it's 21 hours and counting here at the jerry's kids telethon
08:23here's your host jerry
08:33oh yeah oh yeah this is love and love is this if you're just joining us
08:46it's the 21st hour of the jerry kids telethon we're here to fight a deadly affliction
08:56one that has suffered by millions of inner city use across this great nation of ours
09:01also many public figures such as the entire singing group full force
09:15say hello to one of jerry's kids
09:18this is rodney washington from compton california and this is the dreaded activator
09:35that he craved so very desperately hey rodney tell the people out there
09:47what happened to you as a result of your jerry curl
09:52well you know
09:57you know first it was the end thing to do man everybody had one
10:01you know then things started going bad man
10:06my woman left me man because she got tired of washing them pillow covers man
10:14man i was like a walking fire hazard
10:17at my job at mcdonald's man i couldn't even go near the heat lamps or room
10:25it's okay let it go can we make with the kleenex here
10:31okay rodney give me the good stuff well i
10:44i finally made that call to jerry curl deactivation center
10:49oh yeah yeah
10:52you know the hardest thing i ever did man was
10:55staying away from that activator man my hand was just
10:58i just needed that activator in the head oh yeah yes it was terrible man
11:03but i'm on my way back man next week i'm going to get a frat top oh yeah
11:17so you see there is hope won't you please send your donations and
11:23your love help us fight this jerry curl syndrome
11:30is it time for me to say
11:37unfortunately this year we could not get clearance on never walk alone i was devastated
11:42so i wrote my own song i hope you like it
11:51get up and shower your head all clean you're not going far with that crazy please
11:58your head just looks like crap put that greaseball under attack
12:13put that greaseball under a
12:24This is a Johnny
12:36But welcome to the TeraDome
12:54Marty, Marty, listen to me, okay?
13:00You can't rush a Tracy Chapman song, all right?
13:04You know how the creative process is.
13:07Man, that's just the way I get inspired.
13:09I wait till the last minute.
13:11Have I ever let you down?
13:12All right, then chill out, okay?
13:14I'll have the song tomorrow.
13:16Peace.
13:18Jeez.
13:24Hey, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you made my pocketbook.
13:44Shut up, you old bag of wrinkled.
13:46Oh!
13:46Children today ain't got no respect for adults.
13:53They see, knock you down and take you back.
13:56Make you have the bandage up your knee.
13:58Hair all night, it's not in the nose.
14:00Half butt naked, they ain't got no clothes.
14:05I write a fast song.
14:07The way I do it, I can never go wrong.
14:09I write a fast song.
14:11Just look out my window, see what's going on.
14:17Oh, my God!
14:19Old man hit by a bus.
14:23I think he broke his neck.
14:25Was shuffling down to the welfare line.
14:27Had to pick up his check.
14:34Ambulance came, took them away.
14:35But he can't afford his hospital stay.
14:38Metal twisted and turned.
14:40There's a traffic jam and the buses burn.
14:42I'll kill you!
14:44I'll kill you!
14:49Big bad Ben hit his wife.
14:52Miss Walker ran and got a butcher knife.
14:54Ben don't look so tough no more.
14:56He's running across the coward like a little coward.
15:01Oh, no, Miss Walker tripped over the cat.
15:03Ben ran and grabbed a baseball bat.
15:05I always thought things get better.
15:09But now he's got her in a choke hole.
15:13Miss Walker picked up a statue.
15:16Knocked him in her head.
15:17Now he's out cold.
15:21Oh, he's up again.
15:24I thought he was going, but not yet.
15:26He's back.
15:30Miss Walker picked up a table.
15:32Knocked him in the head and he's no longer able.
15:38I write a fast song.
15:40The way I do it, I can never go.
15:42The accused stands before you on trial for his sins.
15:52Forgive me.
15:54I loved it, did you?
15:55Liar.
15:56You only love your freedom.
15:58Is that a sin?
16:02Your life will be as sad and as lonely.
16:08I hurt death.
16:11You belong to no one.
16:13You belong to no one.
16:15You belong to no one.
16:17If living with oppression is a sin,
16:20then I'll be guilty.
16:23Oppression for black men.
16:26If only he wasn't so dark.
16:28Oh, keep one eye on you.
16:47Never know what you do.
16:49Love is not a game.
16:51Why must I sweat, sweat, yeah.
16:54Playing your silly games.
16:56Girl, you must think it's cold.
17:05This is going to be great.
17:07I hear the food here is just super.
17:09The decor is interesting.
17:10Good God almighty, we got some more customers in here.
17:18Y'all go on sit wherever y'all want sit.
17:21The menus is up there by the Roche Motel.
17:26Don't sit there.
17:28That table's reserved.
17:30You must not be in mama's place before.
17:32I'm the only one here to phone ringing, huh?
17:47First break I get, everybody else will go deaf.
17:51Let me sit.
17:53Hello, snack and chat.
17:56There'll be a 45-minute wait.
18:00Prince, I don't care if you the queen of Sheba,
18:02you're going to have to wait long with everybody else.
18:05These are Roche and they get special treatment.
18:07I don't care.
18:08Pick it up.
18:09Suze, I said beans, not greens.
18:11You said greens.
18:12I said beans.
18:14All right.
18:15There you go.
18:16Beans, pick it up or where?
18:18Don't mess with my pressure, woman.
18:19Don't get my pressure up.
18:21I don't think you're going to get up anytime soon.
18:24You need to put some batteries in that hearing aid.
18:26That's what I know.
18:27I didn't order no greens.
18:28I know you didn't order no greens.
18:30You didn't order no chicken, but you're going to get that
18:31because he needs new batteries.
18:32Getting on my nerves, can't he enough?
18:34Why don't y'all go on and get yourself some water or something?
18:38Oh.
18:38Acting like you a stranger here at Mama's play,
18:40making me feel all bad like that.
18:42Mama going to have to expect you.
18:44You keep going.
18:45I'll take your collars to block.
18:50Oh.
18:54Oh, Lord.
18:56Oh.
18:57Oh.
18:57Hey, man, I got some tab of bunions.
19:08Onion, pick it up.
19:10Mama, Mama going to take care of you, baby.
19:12Mama going to special treat you.
19:14We're cooking now.
19:15Oh, look at you, baby.
19:16Just as every...
19:17That little twinkle in your eye,
19:18just like my grandbaby.
19:20Mama going to cook you a little treat for you.
19:22Let me see what Mama got down here.
19:24Yeah, how about a piece of pecan pie for my baby?
19:33I'll just, uh...
19:35I'll save it for later.
19:36You don't hurt Mama's feelings like that.
19:38You want a piece of pie?
19:39You know what I would like is a new fork if I could.
19:42This one is filthy.
19:43Say what?
19:44I'd like a new fork.
19:45Your fork is dirty.
19:47Oh, baby, that ain't nothing but a little bit of dried up cabbage.
19:49Oh.
19:49Marley, make my feet stink.
19:58Hey, you go, sweetheart.
19:59He's as good as...
20:00Oh, baby.
20:01Look at you.
20:02You're just as skinny as you won't be.
20:05Skinny as a beanpole.
20:06Ain't she skinny as a beanpole?
20:07Skinny as a beanpole.
20:08Let's go.
20:09Pick it up.
20:12Uh, I would just like the, uh, the salmon croquettes, please.
20:16Baby, you gonna have the Salisbury steak.
20:18I'm a vegetarian.
20:19Oh, I'm a Capricorn.
20:22See?
20:23No, see, she doesn't eat red meat.
20:25That's what she's trying to say.
20:26She...
20:26Oh, you will be a smarty pan just like my little grandson.
20:32Baby, Salisbury steak ain't red.
20:35It's brown.
20:37See, I don't eat anything that grazes.
20:39That's why your teeth are so yellow.
20:42Yellow, Peter.
20:45Look up.
20:46Look up.
20:46I need a Salisbury steak and a double order macaroni and cheese.
20:51Ain't no more Salisbury steak.
20:52Well, a lot of Salisbury steak.
20:54Luther, we got a Salisbury steak.
20:56Ain't no more Salisbury steak.
20:58Look, forget the steak and can I just have a Perrier, please?
21:01You want a pair of what?
21:03No, a Perrier.
21:04It's bottled water.
21:05Oh, trench.
21:06Here's wig.
21:07Itching.
21:07Oh, no.
21:09Oh, no.
21:09Oh, no.
21:10Oh, no.
21:10Oh, no.
21:11Oh.
21:12I feel like something done crawled up under my head and died.
21:15This is disgusting.
21:16Listen, I'd really like to speak to the owner, please.
21:19Baby, Mama.
21:19Oh.
21:21Oh, can I please speak to the owner?
21:24Oh, my hair's falling out on.
21:26You want to speak to the owner?
21:27Yeah.
21:27Leon, lady over here won't speak to you.
21:31I can make a booker talk.
21:52All right.
21:54As usual, we hope you had fun.
21:55We had a good time doing it for you.
21:56Starting May 27th.
21:58Tell them where the party's going to be.
22:00Sunday!
22:00Peace!
22:46Do what you want
22:58Believe in color
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