Peep Show: Can't Drink Tea During Turd Talk

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an e-mail from a listener who had an encounter with a woman in a Burlington Coat Factory bathroom and we try to figure out exactly what she was doing. And, Lisa has a hard time drinking her tea during the conversation.

Transcript

00:00We'll see you next time.

00:30That's not enough.

00:32So this lady took that advice and she said, hello, and balls.

00:36I had such an incredibly bizarre encounter that I had to share it with you guys.

00:41I was in the restroom at a local Burlington coat factory.

00:46Yeah.

00:47Or more than coats or whatever it is.

00:48Of course, yeah, whatever it's called.

00:49In Massachusetts, just doing the typical thing, trying to get in and out.

00:55And the entrance to the bathroom swings open loudly.

00:57I unfortunately have the bad luck of making eye contact with this woman through the slits of the stalls.

01:05Oh.

01:05Okay.

01:06She was a big lady.

01:07Oh, yeah.

01:08And definitely in a hurry.

01:10Oh.

01:11Gangway.

01:12Out of the way.

01:13Gangway.

01:14Burlington.

01:15Loose high.

01:17Burlington.

01:17I'm the right.

01:19Mind.

01:20Yeah.

01:21Within the span of probably just 60 seconds, I start to hear this woman battling with her bowels.

01:28Well, yeah.

01:29It's a struggle.

01:31Her struggles were bizarre.

01:32Mm-hmm.

01:32Not the typical grunts you might expect.

01:36More pleasant moans.

01:39Oh.

01:40And loud.

01:42I myself started to get really uncomfortable and was trying to hurry along when I heard something more uncomfortable.

01:49Uh-uh.

01:51The sounds of wet squishing.

01:54Oh.

01:55Oh.

01:56No.

01:57The realization hit.

02:01Well, no.

02:02I thought wet squishing like diarrhea or something.

02:06No.

02:06It's not.

02:07We're not talking about that.

02:08It took you a little bit.

02:09I did want it.

02:10It was like a second longer to.

02:12He's like, I want it.

02:13He had still a smile on his face for a second.

02:15Because I would have given anything for it to be diarrhea.

02:18That's weird.

02:19I would have given almost anything for it to be diarrhea.

02:22I really believe this lady was flicking her bean while she was pooping.

02:27Oh, my God.

02:28Out of the way.

02:29I got a masturbate.

02:30Yeah.

02:30Jeez.

02:31Whoa.

02:31I got a masturbate.

02:32Relax, lady.

02:34Is masturbating a thing?

02:36I don't know.

02:36Oh.

02:37No.

02:38I think you're just in there.

02:40If you're really good at it.

02:41Yeah.

02:42I mean, I've only done it twice.

02:46You masturbate.

02:47Yeah.

02:47You masturbate.

02:48You masturbate.

02:48That tells you.

02:50It's not an everyday thing.

02:52No.

02:53Those deals at Burlington Coat Factory just really got her fired up.

02:56Yeah.

02:56I mean, I don't know.

02:58She might have saw a real handsome associate or something.

03:02Burlington Coat Factory.

03:04Anyway, she said, I zoom out right away, wash my hands, and get the hell out of there.

03:08Scared for my life.

03:08Yeah.

03:09You can't share a sink with someone.

03:12Is this something that happens a lot?

03:14I've heard of people getting off while they pooped, but do people actually do this in public

03:18restrooms?

03:20I know I'm going to have nightmares about this until the end of time.

03:22But I thought I had to share it with you guys.

03:24Love you all so much.

03:25Is this big lady making content?

03:27I think that this big lady ate a lot of cheese or something.

03:31That's what I'm hoping.

03:32Things got wild in there, but I think she was pooping.

03:35Yeah.

03:35It's not what she thinks.

03:36There's a pleasure involved.

03:38That's an unmistakable sound.

03:41Yeah.

03:41I definitely make two different sounds.

03:43Right?

03:43Yeah.

03:43That's an unmistakable sound.

03:45I feel like it is, too.

03:46Lady pleasure?

03:47I feel like a lady should know the sound.

03:49Any lady who's pleasured herself knows the sound of lady pleasure.

03:52Yeah.

03:52But I will say, the larger the area down there, the more room for sloshing.

04:02Sloshing.

04:04It's going to be a lot more audible.

04:10Someone said it's a thing that's called taking a number three.

04:12Oh, my God.

04:16I don't like it.

04:17My advice to this person who emailed in is just to stay out of Burlington's bathrooms.

04:22Yeah.

04:23Yeah.

04:23I mean, you know, nature calls, though, you know.

04:26About once or twice a week, I go down to Burlington and get all hot and bothered, go in the bathroom,

04:32just crank one out.

04:34Oh, my God.

04:38Dear God.

04:39This person almost knocked this woman over to get into that stall to masturbate.

04:45But she had to go, right?

04:47And she pooper baited.

04:49Oh, so she did do her worst.

04:51I think both, yeah.

04:52I thought the noise was just all of that.

04:55Something is horrible.

04:57This guy said, I'm a dude.

04:59I just, my brain went to a terrible place.

05:01And I will, I'll fire a load right into that bowl on top of my turd.

05:05Can't even drink my tea.

05:07Yeah, just put it away.

05:08Just put it down for a minute.

05:09I keep trying.

05:10Just put it down.

05:11I tried.

05:12Stop trying.

05:13Four times I've tried.

05:14I'm like.

05:15The kids come up to her, quote, no.

05:17I'm a dude.

05:18I'll fire a load right into that bowl.

05:20Oh, shoot.

05:20Right on top of my turd.

05:21It was like the worst group of words you could drink.

05:24Yeah.

05:24I didn't expect to hear fire a load under a turd today, but I did.

05:29I heard it.

05:31I heard it.

05:32I had a tea in my hand.

05:34I was like, it's Friday.

05:36I'm going to have a tea.

05:37I never got to drink it.

05:38It just got so cold.

05:41Really cooling down over there.

05:43Fire it right on a turd.

05:45You ever heard of a number three?

05:47Yeah.

05:47I didn't want to hear about a number three, but I did.

05:50You're sloshing.

05:52Yeah.

05:52Chuck said that.

05:55I had to put my tea down.

06:01Yikes.

06:02Yeah, it's not great.

06:02Someone said maybe she was using the front to help clean out the back.

06:05No, like my thought was maybe she had something in the back.

06:08Oh.

06:09Yeah.

06:10Like a plug.

06:11No.

06:12She came prepared?

06:14I don't.

06:16Yeah, I think some would.

06:18Like with it in?

06:19I think with it in, yeah.

06:20She's like, I can only get these jeans down once or twice a day.

06:23It's probably true.

06:24I got to get all my business done all at once.

06:26Yeah.

06:26Oh, my God.

06:26You got to load up and then cover.

06:30These things are skin tight.

06:31And it's possible that when the plug was removed.

06:35You know how many turd frosters listen to this show?

06:39So many.

06:39It's crazy.

06:40So many.

06:41What?

06:41Just kidding.

06:42So many guys do that.

06:43That's disgusting to me.

06:45Yeah.

06:46That is the worst thing you could call it.

06:48What are we calling it?

06:48Turd frosting, Lisa.

06:49They said they frost their turds.

06:51Just go ahead.

06:52Like a turdster strudel.

06:53Just hand me that to you.

06:54I'll throw it out for you.

06:55I'll throw it out for you.

06:56It won't be hot for long.

06:57No.

06:57They call it a turdster strudel.

06:59Oh, no.

07:02Oh.

07:03Yeah.

07:03Ruined my craving for toaster strudel.

07:05What it is, is you, depending on the job that you have, sometimes you only have, you know,

07:1015 minutes.

07:11You got 15 minutes.

07:13And usually a guy will just decide, I'm only going to go number two in here.

07:17But then there are some guys that are like, I got to get something off my chest, you know?

07:21Talking about what you think of yourself.

07:28I got to mouth.

07:29Awesome.

07:30Awesome.

07:31It's fantastic.

07:31Anyways, there is no other way to produce a cart that will get up.

07:33I got to laugh.

07:34I got to laugh.

07:34Okay.

07:35Let's have orange.

07:36Sorry.

07:37Well, hopefully.

07:38We'll be doing some of my favorites.

07:40Thanks.

07:40We're sweating.

07:41Thanks.

07:42Okay.

07:42So, people

07:43see how many of them.

07:45We'll have new stuff.

07:45Very gangster.

07:47We can't grasp this stuff.

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