Hooker Trades

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share stories about times they bargained with a hooker to get a better deal.

Transcript

00:00This woman, this hooker in Ohio, said she'd have sex for 50 bucks and some nachos.

00:13Have you made a hooker trade?

00:15Good God.

00:15You think when the cops busted in, they were like, hey, nacho fast, whore.

00:22In our dreams, James, in our dreams.

00:24Oh, wow.

00:25We do have an anonymous guy with us.

00:27Hi, anonymous, how are you?

00:29I'm good, thanks.

00:30How are you?

00:30Good.

00:30So did you make a hooker trade?

00:32In Pontiac, offered an undercover $9.50 for a BJ.

00:40Nine bucks and half a joint for a BJ, but it turned out to be an undercover cop.

00:46Yes, sir.

00:47Wow.

00:47How do you feel as the undercover cop whose worth is nine bucks and half a joint?

00:55That's how much someone thinks you're worth.

00:56I don't know, dude.

00:57Well, undercover, when they're undercover prostitutes, aren't really the best looking prostitutes.

01:02Yeah, exactly.

01:03Like, I'm actually an undercover female prostitute.

01:07Exactly.

01:08For the Pontiac.

01:08They slap a wig on Chuck.

01:09Yeah.

01:10For the Pontiac police department.

01:11Oh, Pontiac.

01:11Oh, yeah.

01:12I miss Pontiac.

01:14Yeah.

01:14You miss Pontiac out of that deal?

01:15Yeah, I did.

01:16Me and Chuck walked the beat together.

01:18Yeah, exactly.

01:19Look at those two ladies of the night.

01:21Yeah, exactly.

01:22Hey, big boy, you got some nachos?

01:23You just keep your normal voice.

01:28I don't.

01:29You actually got to put it even deeper.

01:31We got to be like, no, I don't, but I know a good place.

01:33Half a doobie, I'll do it.

01:35Yeah.

01:35Two things you never imagined.

01:37It's a tough night in Pontiac with Chuck and Andy, the undercover lady horse.

01:47I'll dip you in nacho cheese and do it.

01:50I'll do just unspeakable acts.

01:53Voice changing technology.

01:55Going to Anonymous.

01:56We're wondering if you've made some sort of hooker trade and did it work out?

02:00Hi, Anonymous.

02:00Anonymous, and we made quite the deal.

02:04Three of us at a bachelor party for my buddy decided that, hey, we're in Canada, might as

02:10well give it a try.

02:11Mm-hmm.

02:11So we found an advertisement for a 20-year-old, $140 an hour.

02:17So we ordered three of them.

02:19So three of them showed up.

02:21Yeah.

02:22They ended up bumping us up to $300 each.

02:25The 20-year-old turned out to be, well, mine was probably 50.

02:32My buddy was 40 years old, and her had her ass burned from tanning wrong.

02:40Don't mind my ass cars.

02:42Beauty's hard to come by.

02:47The best deal my other buddy got, she was probably 40 as well, and she was cross-eyed.

02:54And she didn't know if she was coming or going.

02:57Okay, wait, wait, wait, I have a game.

02:59Which one are you taking?

03:01Okay.

03:02The burned ass.

03:04Hooker with cross-eyed.

03:05I don't know enough info.

03:07I don't know enough info.

03:09Okay, there's a 50-year-old.

03:10The first one was the oldest.

03:12She was in her 50s.

03:13Not that good looking.

03:14Right.

03:14The second one was a little younger, but had burnt ass.

03:17Okay.

03:18And then the third one was cross-eyed.

03:20Burnt ass.

03:20In the 40s.

03:21You're going burnt ass.

03:22Burnt ass.

03:22I'm just going, I'm going cross-eyes for the hilarity of it.

03:26I mean, I'm a beager with cross-eyes.

03:30I mean, maybe I could hit that bad eye and straighten it out.

03:36With my same moon.

03:40I have a magic elixir.

03:44And a magic elixir.

03:46They got ripped off.

03:47And $300.

03:49Yeah, they got bounced off.

03:50The price went up.

03:51They weren't 20.

03:52Cross-eyed Katie's 20, we swear.

03:55The burned ass.

03:57Can you imagine the disaster that she was?

04:00Oh, yeah.

04:00Imagine those three walking into your room at the same time.

04:04She's the ringleader.

04:06I'm here for the party.

04:09That's the one with the burned ass.

04:10Hell, yeah.

04:11She sounds like it.

04:12She could be 50.

04:12She's the 50-year-old.

04:14Yeah, I'm 20.

04:14Trust me, I'm 20 as well.

04:16Oh, God.

04:17Funny, ma'am, you don't look 20?

04:20Give or take.

04:21Just a question for you.

04:23What's up with your friend's ass?

04:25Burnt it to a crisp.

04:27How'd you do that?

04:28She was high on meth and fell asleep in a tent.

04:31Yikes, that looks painful.

04:34Yeah, I couldn't sit for a week.

04:35That happened seven weeks ago.

04:38Are you sure you guys are Dick Tracy villains?

04:41You know, it's a storybook.

04:45This is real life, pal.

04:46Your friend, she seems distracted.

04:48She's not even looking at us.

04:49Oh, she is.

04:50What other life?

04:52She's got her eye on you and the door just in case the cops come in.

04:58Crimeside.

04:59Yeah.

05:00Oh, my goodness.

05:02What a gaggle of whores that entered your room.

05:05So did he do it, though?

05:07Did they?

05:07The guy called back.

05:08The guy texted back.

05:09Yes, we were drunk and did it.

05:11I got grandma on the bed.

05:14Grandma.

05:15Cross eyes was on the couch with my first buddy.

05:18Burnt ass was on the floor with my other buddy.

05:21Although she said, ow, every time he popped against her ass.

05:24And that distracted the rest of us from the ongoing disaster.

05:27Oh, my God.

05:28Ow!

05:30Ow!

05:31My burnt ass!

05:32Man, that's something to go through with your buddies, huh?

05:34It really is.

05:36It's like, you basically all three banged members of the X-Men.

05:39Yeah.

05:40The worst members of the X-Men.

05:42Yeah.

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