- hoy
While carrying plans for a nuclear reactor, Max runs into KAOS Agents. Quickly, he hides the plans on an unsuspecting stranger, who turns out to be a convict headed for Joliet Penitentiary. Max later has to pretend to be a convict and go to jail to get them back.
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00:00The Salada Speciale on the Spade. I'll prepare for you myself.
00:15Oh, good. I'm starving.
00:23Hey, girl.
00:26Help me! Help!
00:28I'm sorry, but this table is occupied.
00:36Tell me they're after my mistress.
00:38Well, that'll teach you not to fool around.
00:39Help! Help!
00:43Open the door.
00:45Help!
00:46Get her in there. Open the door.
00:52Open the door.
00:58You all right?
01:08Yes, thank you. What a brave man you are. Mr...
01:11Smart. Maxwell Smart.
01:14Maxwell Smart. It must have been fate that brought you here.
01:17No, it was the salad.
01:18I've got a fly. I must get out of here.
01:20But the police are coming. They'll want to know what happened.
01:22Can't afford the scandal. I'll find some way to repay you later.
01:25But what about those men? What were they trying to do?
01:28Probably another kidnap attempt.
01:30Another?
01:31It happens all the time.
01:32Fascinating. Fascinating and beautiful.
01:45And very low calorie.
01:46You know what?
01:47I'll be right back.
01:48I'll be right back.
01:48I'll be right back.
01:48No, I'll be right back.
02:50Chief, this was no ordinary kidnap attempt.
02:52I happen to have recognized one of those hoods as a chaos man.
02:55What's the man's name?
02:56I can't remember.
02:58What was the girl's name?
02:59I didn't get it.
03:00What about the license number of the girl's car?
03:02I didn't see it.
03:03How about the license of the other car?
03:05I didn't notice.
03:06Max, what would you do if you were me and an agent gave you answers like,
03:09I can't remember, I didn't notice, and I didn't see it?
03:11I don't know.
03:12Well, what's the matter, Chief?
03:15Another one of your headaches?
03:17I'm sure that I can identify one of those attackers.
03:21How?
03:21Well, look, Chief.
03:24The lab has perfected the new identoman.
03:26Oh, how does it work?
03:28Well, you see, Chief, the head is a huge electromagnet.
03:31Now, you take these various features, and you put them on, and you get a three-dimensional figure.
03:36All right, let's get to it.
03:38Now, as soon as we can identify that man, we'll send out a tracer on him.
03:40Then maybe we can find out who the girl is and what chaos wants with her.
03:43Right, Chief.
03:44Okay, let's see now.
03:46First of all, he had a very kind of determined chin.
03:52And then, a very cruel mouth.
03:57Mean mustache.
04:05And his nose was kind of crooked, Chief.
04:08And then, of course, he had those bashed-in cauliflower ears.
04:14The thing I saw most was those big, beautiful, baby blue eyes.
04:20What about the hair?
04:21Oh, I didn't see his hair, Chief.
04:22He was wearing a hat.
04:24Well, try that one.
04:27That's him, Chief.
04:30That's the man I saw.
04:32Now, all we have to do is to take his picture and run it through the automatic comparison file, and we've got our man.
04:38Well, as soon as we can pin down the identification, I want you to look for the girl.
04:42Because if he is a chaos man...
04:44Oh, he is a chaos man, Chief.
04:45I never forget a face.
04:47And the face you've constructed looks like him?
04:49I'm positive, Chief.
04:51Then we'll put him on our 101 list.
04:53Shoot on sight.
04:53Right, Chief.
04:54Watch out, Chief.
04:57There he is.
05:02It's all right, Chief.
05:04It's only the dummy.
05:06Yes, I know.
05:07How am I doing, little Joe?
05:22Wild, Stacy.
05:23Wild.
05:23Now you're doing the jet.
05:27Whoa, whoa.
05:28Hey, gang.
05:29Got a new dance.
05:30The leopard.
05:30Excuse me, Miss Dunhill.
05:38There are two gentlemen to see you.
05:39I showed them into the library.
05:50Slade, I told you never to set foot in this house.
05:53And what is Cain doing here?
05:54He's here because I asked him to be here.
05:58He told me about the fake kidnapping attempt this morning.
06:01I don't like it.
06:02He didn't clear it with me.
06:04I'm the head of chaos in this district.
06:05And I'm the head of the Daughters of Chaos.
06:08A D.O.K. takes command of any district she's in.
06:10And I am taking over the killing of Maxwell Smart personally.
06:14Since when have you been interested in Smart?
06:17Today is one year to the day.
06:19Since Maxwell Smart killed the founder of the United States branch of chaos.
06:26My father.
06:29It seems only fitting.
06:31The Smart should die on the anniversary of Daddy's death.
06:39Why didn't you shoot him this morning when you had the opportunity?
06:41I set up that fake kidnapping attempt to make contact with Smart.
06:45Besides, shooting lacks imagination.
06:47I want thrills, excitement, kicks.
06:51Marvelous.
06:52But when does he die?
06:53Tonight.
06:54And Smart's weakness is going to set him up for the kill.
06:58We never found out Smart's weakness.
07:00How could you know it?
07:02He has the same weakness as every other man I've ever met.
07:04Me.
07:05Me.
07:17Hello there.
07:23I came to thank you, Maxwell Smart.
07:25Won't you come in?
07:27How did you find out where I lived?
07:29I looked you up in the phone book.
07:31Oh.
07:31You'd make a good detective, Miss, uh...
07:33Tracy Dunhill.
07:35Tracy Dunhill.
07:36Yes, of course.
07:38Aren't you the one they call the madcap heiress, the billion-dollar baby?
07:41Just call me Tracy Max.
07:43Tracy Max.
07:44Well, uh, couldn't we just make it Tracy?
07:46See, my name is Max, and it could get a little confusing that way.
07:50Do you always carry two fur coats?
07:53Of course.
07:54One's for wearing, the other's for dragging.
08:00Miss Dunhill, I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but you're in terrible danger.
08:05You see, I happen to recognize one of the men who tried to kidnap you this afternoon,
08:09and he's no run-of-the-mill ordinary kidnapper.
08:11He happens to be a member of Chaos.
08:13Chaos?
08:14Yes, an international organization of evil.
08:17Oh, really?
08:18How exciting.
08:20Exciting?
08:21Yes, I live for excitement.
08:24And you, Mr. Smart, you look like the kind of man who lives for excitement, too.
08:30Well, yes, I guess you could say I'm a man of the world.
08:33Do you like skin diving?
08:36Great sport.
08:37Gliding along on the ocean floor.
08:41Marvelous.
08:41With only a spear gun in your hand.
08:44Love it.
08:45Surrounded by man-eating sharks.
08:47That I'm not too crazy about.
08:51I just know you're my kind of man, and I know my friends are going to love you.
08:55Why don't you come to my party tonight?
08:57Oh, well, that's very nice of you.
08:59I'd like to.
08:59What time?
09:00Any time.
09:01It's been going on for two months.
09:02Well, let's say about ten o'clock, then.
09:05It'll seem an eternity till then.
09:08May I say, Mr. Smart, you have fantastic charm.
09:12May I say, Miss Dunhill, that you have fantastic taste.
09:16Good night.
09:17Good night, Tracy.
09:22Max, I can't leave.
09:24Why not?
09:26You're standing on my coat.
09:40Smart will be here at ten o'clock.
09:43How are you going to kill him?
09:45Well, that's just what I'm going to work out.
09:51Let's see.
09:52Hey, I want something exotic.
09:59Ah, something different.
10:03That's it.
10:06Lipstick.
10:08Lipstick?
10:10Yes.
10:11This is the protective undercoating.
10:15And this is the poison lipstick.
10:19And when I kiss smart,
10:24get one of the boys in here.
10:29Now.
10:30Who can refuse a daughter of chaos?
10:37Kane, Miss Dunhill wants to see you.
10:40Yes, Miss Dunhill.
10:42Kane,
10:43I never thanked you for this morning.
10:46Thank you, Kane.
10:47Quite dead.
11:12Oh, yeah.
11:13Any doctor would think he died of a heart attack.
11:15But you and I will know that he was a victim of the kiss of death.
11:21Get him out of here.
11:25Max, I want you to be especially careful at Tracy Dunhill's party.
11:28You've got to find out why chaos wants her, and that means constant danger.
11:32Oh, I don't know, Chief.
11:33Chaos has its killers, kidnappers, and blackmailers,
11:36but I don't think they'd crash a party where they weren't invited.
11:39I think they might, Max.
11:40How do you like that, 86?
11:42Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not too thrilled about it.
11:45Don't tell me you're not thrilled.
11:47Last year, thanks to me, there were six control men on the list of ten best-dressed spies.
11:52I never heard of that list.
11:54Of course you haven't.
11:55It's a secret.
11:56Everything I design is a secret.
11:58That's why I'm known as Taylor to the spies.
12:01Well, what about this?
12:04Look at that.
12:05Looks like it's been re-woven.
12:07Don't touch that.
12:08It's a bullet hole.
12:09I spend weeks making these jackets,
12:11and you agents go out and get yourself shot.
12:13You have no regard for clothing.
12:16The jacket is just fine.
12:18Okay, the jacket's just fine.
12:20Now, where's the secret pocket for my gun?
12:23Don't tell me I'll find it.
12:24I can't find it.
12:36There is no secret pocket.
12:39You see?
12:47He shouldn't get so emotional about his clothes.
12:50Max, I had Agent 13 shipped into Tracy Dunhill's house.
12:55Shipped?
12:55Yes, but we found out she'd ordered some new furniture,
12:57so before it was delivered,
12:58I stationed Agent 13 inside a couch.
13:01Oh, well, that'll be nice for 13.
13:03Why?
13:03Well, he's been working hard.
13:04He could use the rest.
13:06Would you stop it?
13:11Oh, Max, the lab man asked me to bring you this belt
13:14to wear to the party tonight.
13:15Oh, thank you, 99.
13:17It's the latest piece of special equipment.
13:19The buckle contains a minuscule tape recorder.
13:22What?
13:23Minuscule.
13:24Diminutive.
13:25Microcosmic.
13:27You certainly have a way with words, 99.
13:32Teensy-weensy.
13:37Chief, I don't like this setup at all.
13:39I think we ought to try to crash that party.
13:41But if we attract any attention,
13:43chaos is sure to become suspicious.
13:44Trust my feminine intuition,
13:46Chief Max is walking into a trap.
13:48Well, now, 99,
13:50you don't think just because Miss Dunhill is terribly attractive
13:53and fabulously wealthy
13:54that that would affect Max's judgment, do you?
13:56How long would it take you to change?
14:11You're not as clever as you thought you were, my dear.
14:13It's 10 o'clock.
14:15Smart isn't here yet.
14:16Don't worry.
14:16Smart will be here.
14:18And I will be ready for him.
14:19Cut.
14:20First, the protective undercoating.
14:30Then, the poison that's taken.
14:34You're a very attractive woman, Tracy.
14:48Oh, I just adore compliments.
14:50I could kiss you for that.
14:51Oh.
14:54Naughty.
14:56Smart just came in.
14:57You could take care of him right now.
15:00I kiss hello, and it's goodbye, Smart.
15:02I told you, Slade,
15:03I will take care of Smart in my own way,
15:05at my own time.
15:07Smart dies
15:08at exactly the moment that he killed my father.
15:11Midnight.
15:16Hello, Max.
15:17I'm so glad you could come.
15:19Want you to meet some of my guests.
15:21Oh, thank you, Tracy,
15:22but I think I'll just look around for a little bit.
15:23Don't forget, your life may still be in danger.
15:25Oh, that's right.
15:27Don't you disappear.
15:28I've got a great surprise for you later.
15:30Good, I'm looking forward to it.
15:32Good evening.
15:4199, I feel awfully uncomfortable dressed like this.
15:43My glasses are too dark,
15:45and my cummerbund is too tight.
15:46But, Chief, you fit right in with the crowd.
15:49Who are all these strange-looking people?
15:51A bunch of international parasitic sycophants.
15:55Hey, Max was right.
15:55You do have a way with words.
15:5613?
16:13Hi there, 88-66.
16:16It's just 86.
16:18Well, I'm seeing a double right now.
16:21I'm surprised at you, 13.
16:22You're supposed to be working on a case.
16:25I'm on my second case.
16:27I finished my first case an hour ago.
16:31Well, at least you found a clever place to hide.
16:34Yeah, no, not really.
16:35Half a dozen people have seen me already.
16:37Well, how do you explain yourself?
16:40I don't have to.
16:41With this jet-set crowd, a guy on a sofa is just normal.
16:46I guess you're right.
16:47Yeah.
16:48There's a Swedish actress sleeping in the wall safe.
16:50Listen, 13, do you have anything important to report?
16:55Oh, you bet I have, 86.
16:57I discovered something that's so important it's a matter of...
17:00Excuse me.
17:03It's a matter of life and death.
17:06Unfortunately, I don't remember what life or who's death, but...
17:10Oh, hi there.
17:16Ah, thank you.
17:18What was that?
17:23Oh, that was Agent 93.
17:25Since I had to keep surveillance at a party,
17:28the chief was nice enough to let me take along a date.
17:33Well, see you around, 86.
17:35Wait a minute.
17:36Wait a minute, 13.
17:37Try to remember what you overheard.
17:39But I, I, uh...
17:40Oh, I, I know what you want.
17:42Oh, someone's coming.
17:44Ooh!
17:48Oh, my God.
17:59Oh, my God.
18:01Oh,four.
18:02All right, Lawrence.
18:03Oh, my God.
18:07Oh, my God.
18:08Oh, my God.
18:09hello max having a good time yes but i'm waiting for that surprise you promised me
18:22you won't have long to wait well i hope it'll be worth waiting for you will never forget it
18:28i don't like the looks of that chief i'm sorry night and night i'm new at this kind of dancing
18:38i'm doing the best i can i mean max that woman let's dance over that way okay but you leave
18:47hold it down everybody quiet the heart is getting dull we need something to celebrate
18:59and we are going to celebrate the new year
19:03but the new year is months away the man is right that's what we're going to celebrate
19:12the fact that the new year is months away
19:15you know it's so exciting about new year everybody kisses at midnight
19:24good then i'll see you at midnight
19:29you know 99 this is some party i hope max is all right oh i'm sure he is i don't know chief
19:36i haven't been able to reach him for over an hour every time i tried to that man started talking to
19:41you find out who that girl is no but i'm certain she's a control agent you're playing a very dangerous
19:49game tracy in 30 seconds it'll be midnight and that's when max will smile to kiss his kiss
19:57come on 13 try and remember again i can't take this party much longer the noise is killing me
20:04and that's it what's that that's the thing that i couldn't remember that you're gonna get killed
20:10tonight tonight but it's almost midnight midnight well look if i don't see you again happy new year
20:21happy new year
20:29happy new year
20:31happy new year
20:41i did it
21:11i killed maxwell smart and exactly at midnight just as i said i would
21:17my apologies you're a true daughter of chaos and that's the end of maxwell smart
21:24no that's the end of tracy dunhill i have your confession right here in my teensy weensy tape recorder
21:33you're supposed to be dead yes i know but when agent 13 told me that i was going to be killed tonight
21:38when i saw you kiss that man outside i put two and two together but i was wearing poison lipstick
21:43when i kissed you what saved you plastic lips thanks to the boys in the lab i can kiss and tell
21:52good morning chief morning 99 good morning well chief i checked with the legal department and
22:04tracy dunhill is going to prison for a long long time i should think so yes they got her on two
22:10charges of manslaughter and one of kissing with a deadly weapon congratulations max you did a fine
22:15job in gathering evidence against tracy dunhill and loving it come on now 99 you don't really
22:23believe i liked her and her phony friends funny you should mention that what are you talking about
22:28i have your teensy weensy tape recorder hello there and what's your name my name is ivana and i'm a
22:36ballerina and i'm maxwell smart eccentric millionaire and patron of the arts
22:41it so happened she was 60 years old would you believe 35 and ugly
22:53but how could ma'am sell get so pretty in just 19 years
23:00all right max you two settle your differences outside i've got work to do
23:0599 if you would just let me explain go ahead max i'm with you
23:11uh
23:23uh
23:30uh
23:39¶¶
24:09¶¶
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