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CONTROL makes KAOS believe that Max is carrying a secret code. Max is captured by KAOS, subjecting him to their truth serum.
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00:00Sit down, please, gentlemen. I want to brief you on this situation as soon as possible.
00:07Where's Agent 86?
00:08He hasn't checked in yet, Chief. I won't have to proceed without him.
00:11Excuse me, Chief. We don't have much time, and I've already been fully briefed.
00:14Can I check out some weapons?
00:15Oh, of course. Here's a special weapons closet.
00:21Chief, who is that man?
00:23This mission is so important that even his number is top secret.
00:26Is he new in control?
00:28No, he's from our European section.
00:30Now, gentlemen, please listen carefully.
00:32Chaos has cracked our universal code.
00:35All secret communications will have to stop until a new code can be delivered to our communication center in Greenland.
00:41Agent X has been selected to deliver that code.
00:43Why him? Why not one of us?
00:45Because Chaos probably knows all of you. In fact, we're counting on that to help us.
00:49How?
00:50By seeing to it that they capture the wrong man.
00:53Our real courier, Agent X, a man whose face they're unfamiliar with, will leave for Greenland with the new code tomorrow morning.
00:58And at the same time, we'll be sending out another man as a decoy.
01:02Exactly.
01:03The decoy will be captured by Chaos and probably tortured, but that will give Agent X the time he needs to complete his mission.
01:09I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost 20 minutes.
01:14I know, 86, the traffic.
01:15No, the seatbelt. I can never get that darn thing unbuckled.
01:19Sit down. I'll fill you in as we go along.
01:21Right, Chief.
01:21Gentlemen, we are now under Special Class A top security.
01:30We've got to do everything we can to protect Agent X.
01:34Chaos will do everything they can to eliminate him.
01:42You know who that is?
01:43Well, he's probably a Chaos assassin out to get our Agent X.
01:47Max, that's Agent X.
01:49He must be from our European section.
01:53I can't understand a word he's saying.
02:00Sorry about that.
02:01I'm sorry about that.
02:19I'm sorry.
02:20I'm sorry about that.
02:21I'm sorry about that.
02:55That's it, gentlemen.
03:06If everything goes according to schedule, Agent X will reach Greenland with the new code at 5 p.m. tomorrow.
03:11Good man, Agent X. Sucker for a right cross to the stomach, but good man.
03:16Please, Max.
03:17You four men are the only available agents.
03:20One of you will have to act as a decoy.
03:22Wait a minute, Chief.
03:23What if Chaos finds out it's a decoy? What will they do to him?
03:27They'll probably kill him.
03:28Huh. Talk about Saul loses.
03:31That's what makes this assignment so difficult for me.
03:33I'm going to have to send one of you men on what may very well be a suicide mission.
03:37Agent 58, are you married?
03:39Yes, sir.
03:40Children?
03:41Four, sir.
03:42Agent 58?
03:43I have three children, sir.
03:45Agent 71?
03:47No, 17, sir.
03:48What?
03:49I'm Agent 17, sir.
03:52Oh, yes, of course.
03:53I have two children.
03:57I can't bring myself to pick a family man.
04:00I'm asking for a volunteer.
04:02Man with no responsibilities, no wife, no children.
04:04I hope there's someone standing behind me.
04:12You know, Chief, you've got a lot to learn about asking for volunteers.
04:19We did a study in depth on the subject of torture, and we have found that if you are familiarized with what you will have to undergo, you will be able to withstand it longer.
04:25Well, that makes sense.
04:27Say, what is this thing over here?
04:28Well, this is a rather primitive instrument, but it's very effective.
04:31Uh, put your wrist in there.
04:36Ooh, I see what you mean.
04:37That's very painful.
04:38That's not it, smart.
04:40Just watch this.
04:44Don't wear wrist watch.
04:48Now, if you see this chair, after the first few hours of torture, they'll ask you to sit down and relax in it for a while.
04:54But that's only a trick.
04:55Exactly.
04:56Watch this.
04:58Don't wear new suit.
05:03Now, if you step this way, I don't...
05:04Now, that'll be enough, Carlson.
05:05I get the idea.
05:06Now, are you sure that chaos has all these devices?
05:09Oh, yes.
05:10It's standard equipment for terrorist organizations.
05:13Well, where did you get these?
05:14From the Bureau of Internal Revenue.
05:20Before we go into my office, I want you to know that it was bugged by chaos a little while ago.
05:25Right, Chief.
05:26Bugged by chaos?
05:27I'm bugged by chaos.
05:29But how could that happen, Chief?
05:31We let it happen.
05:32We want them to listen in.
05:33That's the way we're going to trick them into believing that you are the new courier who's going to deliver the new code.
05:38Oh, I get you.
05:40I get you.
05:41While they're listening in, I very cleverly identify myself as the courier with the new code.
05:46Exactly.
05:47Now, remember, Max, try to make it sound conversational and natural.
05:52Don't worry about me, Chief.
05:54I happen to be a pretty fair actor.
05:55Sit down, 86.
06:07Thank you, Chief of Control.
06:08Well, this sure is a swell place you have here.
06:15What did you want to see me about?
06:17The mission, Max.
06:18Are you sure you have everything completely clear?
06:20Yes, I have.
06:23I will leave my house at 7.30 in the morning and proceed to the newsstand.
06:29Then I will...
06:29Yes, Max.
06:30Yes.
06:30Do you have your airline ticket?
06:32Yes, I have.
06:34And the new code?
06:35Yes, I will be having that in the secret pocket of my gray serge suit.
06:41Well, you'd better memorize it, Max.
06:42We can't afford to let it get into the hands of those chaos fiends.
06:45Oh, I wouldn't say that, Chief.
06:49Some of those chaos fiends are probably nice, friendly, hard-working fellows like us.
06:54Uh, Max, I will walk you to your car.
06:57I mean, just because they're rivals, there's no need to call them fiends.
07:04Friendly, hard-working fellows like us?
07:07Well, if it's all the same to you, Chief, I'd rather they weren't angry while they were torturing me.
07:12Is there anything at all I can do for you tonight, Max?
07:14No, nothing at all, Chief.
07:16Don't worry about me.
07:17There's no torture invented that can make me crack.
07:20I'm impervious to pain.
07:22Good luck, Max.
07:23Ah!
07:24What's the matter?
07:25Squeezed my pinky.
07:31Cancel milk delivery.
07:33Give Hugo the sweater.
07:35Resign from Christmas club.
07:38Make out last will and testament.
07:44Who is it?
07:47It's me, Max.
07:49Oh, come on in, 99.
07:52How have you been?
07:53Oh, Max, I just had to see you before.
07:57Come on now, 99.
07:59Cut that out.
08:00Now stop it.
08:01I'm sorry, Max.
08:02It's just that we've had so little time together.
08:05Well, it couldn't be helped, 99.
08:07After all, there are no holidays in the fight against evil.
08:09You're so brave, so dedicated, so wonderful.
08:15I know.
08:17Max.
08:17Look, 99, it's getting kind of late, and I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.
08:21I think you'd better run along now.
08:23All right.
08:24Oh, 99, will you do me a favor?
08:27Return these deposit bottles for me.
08:29Right.
08:30Do you realize that we may never see each other again?
08:33Well, that's okay, 99.
08:34It's only 12 cents.
08:35You can keep it.
08:3613, are you there?
09:00No, I'm home, stretched out in a nice, soft bed like a normal person.
09:07Of course I'm here.
09:09Have you seen anybody around here that looks like a chaos agent?
09:12No, I haven't.
09:13What are you so grouchy about today?
09:15Because I didn't sleep a wink last night, that's why.
09:18Every time I dozed off, somebody dropped garbage on me.
09:22Will you please keep your voice down?
09:24How'd you like to spend 12 hours holding your breath?
09:27Listen, there are worse assignments than this.
09:29I once knew an agent who was locked in a washing machine for three days.
09:32That was me, 86.
09:34Yes, I forgot.
09:35I came out so wrinkled I had to iron my skin.
09:38If you stop complaining, I'm about to be captured by chaos.
09:4186, look.
09:43Over there at the magazine counter.
09:44The guy in the trench coat, dark glasses, reading the magazine.
09:48Hmm, could be a chaos agent.
09:50Report my capture to controlled headquarters immediately.
09:54Good luck, 86.
09:57Sorry about that.
09:58Morning, Hugo.
10:07Oh, a little early for you, isn't it, Mr. Smart?
10:09Yes, well, I'm out on some secret business.
10:12I wouldn't want this to get around, but I may have a date in Greenland.
10:16Nosey character.
10:20Yeah, why don't you get all kinds?
10:22Oh, by the way, Hugo, here's a little something for you in appreciation for letting me read my horoscope every morning.
10:28A present?
10:29Yes, I won't be using it much longer.
10:31It's brand new.
10:32Hey, it's beautiful.
10:34Well, wear it in good health, Hugo.
10:36Thanks, Mr. Smart.
10:37Oh, by the way, in connection with that secret business I was telling you about, I may be gone for a few days, and I'd appreciate it if you'd pick up my mail.
10:46Well, the name is Smart, Maxwell Smart.
10:50Capital S, small m, small a, small r, small t.
10:54Hey, I'd like to look up your horoscope, Mr. Smart.
11:02Oh, thank you, Hugo.
11:05Now, let's see.
11:08Scorpio.
11:10Uh-huh.
11:11Good for business, meeting people, and be prepared for surprises.
11:24Hugo, what happened?
11:44A little surprise, some chaos, Mr. Smart.
11:48Of course, the old gas bomb on the horoscope trick.
11:52Come on, let's get going.
11:53What makes you think I'm going with you?
11:56The old gun-in-the-hand trick.
11:58Good trick.
12:01Come on.
12:05Now, that's the last time I ever give you a sweater.
12:08Come on.
12:23Well, you didn't find the code.
12:29We searched him thoroughly, nothing.
12:31You looked in the secret pocket of his gray serge suit?
12:34Every inch of it.
12:37Should I take Smart to the torture room now?
12:39There will be no torture.
12:40What have you got against torture?
12:43In the first place, it makes too much noise.
12:46We have more interesting methods.
12:49Not torture?
12:50No.
12:51Bring Smart in here.
12:52Not torture.
12:53I don't know what happens.
12:54This used to be a fun outfit.
12:56If all else fails, we will use the new serum.
13:04Yes.
13:05I am most anxious to try it.
13:07Hmm.
13:07I don't care what you say or do.
13:13I'm not talking.
13:14We will see.
13:16Sit down, Mr. Smart.
13:18Well, you couldn't wait to get started, could you?
13:21What do you mean?
13:22I see you've already tortured my coat.
13:26At hours to go, Smart can only hold out till Agent X gets to Greenland.
13:29Where's Agent X now?
13:31Changing planes in Newfoundland, sir.
13:33Well, you said that ten minutes ago.
13:34The plane's been delayed.
13:35Delayed?
13:35What now?
13:36Mechanical problems with the movie projector.
13:41Any word about poor Max, Chief?
13:43No, 99.
13:44Not since Agent 13 reported his capture.
13:47Poor Max.
13:4899, you keep saying the same thing over and over again.
13:50Don't dwell on it.
13:51Liftoff from Newfoundland.
13:52Oh, it's about time.
13:5399, why don't you go get a cup of coffee?
13:55Right, Chief.
13:56But please let me know the minute you hear anything about poor Max.
13:58I will, 99.
14:03I wonder how he's doing.
14:05Who, sir?
14:05Poor Max.
14:06Poor Max.
14:07Then you code, Mr. Smart.
14:11What is it?
14:13I'm not talking.
14:14You can save us all a lot of trouble.
14:18Trouble is my middle name.
14:19It's torture.
14:21No, that is not necessary.
14:22Mr. Smart is a reasonable man, are you not?
14:25I are not.
14:27You would like a cigarette?
14:30I don't smoke.
14:31A glass of water?
14:33I don't drink.
14:35There must be something you would like.
14:38Greta?
14:38How about Greta?
14:41Greta?
14:42Suit yourself, but I'm not talking.
14:46We shall see.
14:49Greta!
14:49Well, Mr. Smart's?
15:09I'm not talking.
15:11I'm looking, but I'm not talking.
15:16Violet reports headwinds over the Atlantic.
15:18What's the estimated time of arrival?
15:20Still five o'clock, sir.
15:21All right, 99, say it.
15:25I wonder how poor Max is chief.
15:28What do you think, Carlson?
15:29He's been under torture for three hours now.
15:31He's probably close to the breaking point.
15:33Chaos finds out he's merely a decoy.
15:35They can still intercept Agent X.
15:37It's just a question of how much a man can take.
15:43Code, Max.
15:45Tell me the code.
15:47Please.
15:48No, absolutely not.
15:52Please.
15:54No, you can torture me all you like,
15:56but the answer is still no.
15:59Max, please tell me.
16:02I don't want them to hurt you.
16:07Tell me the code.
16:10No, no, no.
16:16Enough.
16:18Wait a minute.
16:18I'll say when it's enough.
16:20Quiet.
16:21We will use the serum.
16:23Good, good.
16:24This is the second time this month you have failed.
16:27Wait a minute, Kimmel.
16:28I think Greta did a swell job.
16:31Thank you, Max.
16:32You're welcome, Greta.
16:33You were supposed to hug him and kiss him,
16:35not get friendly.
16:37Ow!
16:38Untie him.
16:39This is your last chance, Mr. Smart.
16:44I'm not talking.
16:47You may proceed, Sadlitz.
16:53What's that?
16:56An injection, Mr. Smart.
16:58I hate needles.
17:02You'll talk?
17:03No, I will faint.
17:08What happens now?
17:10This serum is a modification of thiopentyl sodium.
17:17It will make you talk.
17:19You cannot help yourself.
17:21You'll recite whatever you've committed to memory.
17:24Good, good.
17:26So you see, Luden, we must progress with the times.
17:31Wait, wait.
17:32He's coming too.
17:34Get ready to copy down the code.
17:35We will now hear what's in the subconscious mind of Maxwell Smart.
17:44Two times one is two.
17:47Two times two is four.
17:50Two times three is six.
17:53Two times four is eight.
17:56Two times five is ten.
17:58That's strange, very strange.
18:01What is this?
18:02He's gone back too far.
18:03He memorized that in his childhood.
18:07But he will progress to the present very quickly.
18:10Two times six is twelve.
18:13Two times seven is...
18:16Two times seven is...
18:20Fourteen, stupid.
18:22Two times seven is fourteen, stupid.
18:26You and your serum.
18:27Let's torture.
18:29Right.
18:30Notify security in Greenland.
18:32I want an armored car waiting at the airport for Agent X.
18:34Yes, sir.
18:35If Smart cranks, Chaos will be desperate to get that code.
18:39How long now?
18:40Two hours and twenty-eight minutes, sir.
18:41Twenty-four, sixty.
18:42Two times seven is...
18:46Two times seven is...
18:49Kimmel, Kimmel, Kimmel, I've got it.
18:51What, what, what?
18:52This is no ordinary man.
18:54This man is brilliant.
18:55He is a genius.
18:56What are you saying?
18:58He has trained himself so thoroughly that even his subconscious comes out in code.
19:03Red rover, red rover.
19:06Red rover, red rover.
19:09Red rover, red rover.
19:12Let Barney Kaufman come over.
19:15Let Barney Kaufman come over.
19:18Let Barney Kaufman come over?
19:22Now, if we transpose the vowels in red rover and substitute them for the consonants in Barney Kaufman...
19:32You and your serum.
19:34Let's torture.
19:35What's happening?
19:36I'm having trouble with the reception.
19:38Chaos may be jamming the frequency.
19:39All I keep getting is Lawrence Welk music.
19:42Chaos has no mercy.
19:43Wait a minute.
19:44I've got a green line now.
19:46Control tower reports a perfect landing.
19:49Good.
19:49Now, if...
19:49Wait a minute.
19:50There's more.
19:52Agent X, safely inside armored car.
19:55Mission accomplished.
19:56Oh, wow.
19:57What a relief.
19:59Well, in a few moments, control can resume normal communications throughout the world.
20:03But wait a minute, Chief.
20:04What about Max?
20:06Oh, I'm sorry, 99.
20:08Don't you talk about Max that way, Chief.
20:10He's not dead.
20:1199, it's impossible.
20:12No man can survive what they put him through.
20:14We don't know that for sure, Chief.
20:16I'm going to go find out.
20:17You're wasting your time.
20:18If you don't go with me, I'll go alone, Chief.
20:20Oh, no, wait a minute.
20:21All right, I'll go with you.
20:22But you've got to prepare yourself for the worst.
20:24He may have cracked under that torture.
20:27He may have the mind of a four-year-old.
20:28He'll still be the same, Max, to me.
20:33A, B, C, D, E, F.
20:36G.
20:37G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
20:41P.
20:43If this little piggy who went to market equals X,
20:47then this little piggy who stayed home equals Y.
20:50And this little piggy who had roast beef must equal Z.
20:56Stop.
20:58Stop everything.
21:00I was just...
21:00Never mind what you was just.
21:03Your brilliant genius is a fake.
21:06A decoy.
21:07Word just came in.
21:09Control's new code has been delivered by the real messenger.
21:13And you are responsible for our failure.
21:16But I never knew a man who was so much in love with his childhood.
21:19You know what you must do.
21:22I do.
21:24You will do the honorable thing.
21:26I will.
21:35I am now in charge of chaos.
21:38What about him?
21:39Finish him off.
21:42No torture?
21:44No.
21:44Next time I say torture, maybe you'll listen.
21:51Max!
22:11Oh, you're alive!
22:12I'm so happy.
22:14We didn't know what to expect, but 99 insists that we come for you.
22:17Oh, that's all right, Chief.
22:18If you didn't have to do that, I could have taken a cab back.
22:20By the way, how did you know I was here?
22:23We just took a wild guess.
22:25Max, what you did today will go down and control history.
22:27I still can't believe you're alive.
22:29Well, I'm about the only one who is, outside of Luton here.
22:32We'll take him down to control headquarters for questioning.
22:34No torture?
22:36All right, hold it.
22:37Nobody move!
22:38Why don't you watch where you're shooting?
22:51I got him, didn't I?
22:52Yes, right through my sweater.
23:01Max, I just want you to know that what you did today was very brave.
23:04No, not really, 99.
23:06It's only what any well-trained heroic agent would have done.
23:10Do you really think so?
23:1199, everything that I believe in, everything that I hold sacred,
23:15is based upon my belief in the honesty and nobility of my fellow agents.
23:19And that belief is unshakable, unarguable, and incontrovertible.
23:25Of course, I could be wrong.
23:26Still, Max, I don't think there are many men that would have faced what you faced today.
23:31Well, 99, in our business, we have to be prepared to face capture and torture.
23:36But how can you be prepared for that, Max?
23:39Because, 99, pain is all in the mind.
23:42It's all in the mind.
23:43If you have control over your brain the way that I have control over my brain,
23:47then the body can feel no physical pain.
23:50I see.
23:51Listen, do you mind if we don't talk about it anymore?
23:54Why not?
23:54I'm getting a terrible headache.
23:57Well, I'm off on vacation.
24:01Oh, Max, two whole weeks.
24:03I'm gonna miss you.
24:05Well, two whole weeks isn't too long, 99.
24:07Two whole weeks is only, uh, let's see, there's seven days in a week.
24:10Two times seven is, uh...
24:12Two times seven is, uh...
24:16I'm down.
24:18Two times five is...
24:35¶¶
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