- anteayer
The Chief is kidnapped by KAOS Vice President of Public Relations and Terror, Siegfried (Bernie Kopell, in his first appearance in this recurring role). Max retaliates by kidnapping KAOS's top assassin. After this, a war of kidnappings takes place, which culminates in Max and Siegfried being the only ones who haven't been kidnapped.
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TVTranscripción
00:00Max, it was very nice that you and 99
00:29to take me out to celebrate my birthday.
00:31Oh, it's nothing, Chief.
00:32The Control Baker made you a very special birthday cake.
00:35We have it sent over.
00:36Oh, for goodness sake, isn't that nice?
00:39Pretty fancy, 99.
00:44Well, let's see.
00:46Happy birthday, Chief, from the gang at Control.
00:51I don't see anything.
00:52It's written with invisible icing.
00:55You see, Chief, we didn't want to reveal your identity.
00:57After all, you are the head of a top-secret organization.
01:00Good thinking, Max.
01:03This must be the entertainment.
01:05Look, Chief, this should be fun.
01:06It's a magician.
01:12Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
01:14I am Siegfried the Great.
01:16I am here tonight to prove that the hand is quicker than the eye.
01:23I shall perform, and you will enjoy.
01:29I shall now perform one of my most brilliant tricks.
01:47I need a volunteer from the audience.
01:50How about you, sir?
01:51You look like a man of imagination and daring.
01:55I think he means me, Chief.
01:56A man who is not afraid to face the terror of the unknown.
02:02I think he means you, Chief.
02:04Have some fun at your birthday.
02:06No, 99.
02:07I don't like to get up in public.
02:09Oh, go ahead, Chief.
02:11Yeah, all right.
02:12Charles, step up here, please.
02:14Now, step inside this cabinet.
02:25I shall now make this man disappear.
02:30Terrific, 99.
02:44Really terrific.
02:49Max, something's wrong.
02:56They're both going, 99.
02:58Look, there's a note.
03:00Chaos has your chief.
03:03You'll hear from me, Siegfried the Great.
03:05We've got to get him back.
03:06Control will be paralyzed without him, Max.
03:08I know, 99, but first we've got to find that magician.
03:11That's just as important.
03:12I want to question him personally.
03:14To find out what he knows about chaos?
03:16No, to find out how he did this trick.
03:18No.
03:30No, to find out how he did this trick.
03:44I don't know.
03:47The End
04:17What's being done about the chief now?
04:26We have every available agent out looking for him, Professor Coulson.
04:29G-99, I'm really worried about the chief. I hope nothing is happening to him.
04:32So do I, Matt.
04:33The chief has never disappeared before. Who's in charge of control now?
04:37Don't worry, Standish. It's all taken care of.
04:40I've been prepared for a situation like this.
04:43Just a moment, Smart. You have no right to take over the chief's job.
04:47And why not? I'm head of the agent's section.
04:50Well, I'm head of the lab's section.
04:52And Standish is head of the administration's section.
04:54And we have just as much right to be chief as you do. Especially me.
04:57Now, wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it, Standish.
05:00We can't stand here and argue about it all day.
05:02Let's stop this bickering.
05:04There's a very simple and intelligent way to handle this thing.
05:07After all, there are official procedures, you know.
05:09Good, Max.
05:10Now, this is the way we'll handle it.
05:13I'll think of a number from one to ten.
05:15Now, if either one of you guess the number, you're chief.
05:18If you don't, I'm chief.
05:23Standish?
05:24Three.
05:27Right.
05:28Let's make it two out of three.
05:30Smart.
05:30It seems to me that only the chief superior can tell us who is in charge while the chief is gone.
05:35But we don't know who the chief superior is.
05:37There's only one man who'd know the chief's boss.
05:4099, I've got to go right to the top.
05:42Max, you can't call yet.
05:43I've got to.
05:49Hello, this is Maxwell Smart of Control.
05:51I'd like to speak to...
05:52Oh.
05:53No.
05:54No, no, no, no.
05:55Don't disturb him.
05:56I'll call back later.
05:59Can't bother him now, 99.
06:01He's having an emergency meeting at his ranch.
06:03Top diplomatic conference, huh?
06:04No, it's round-up time.
06:07Max, I know.
06:08Let's check the secret compartment in the chief's desk.
06:10Maybe the name of his boss is in there.
06:13Good idea, 99.
06:14In case anything happens to me, contact my superior, Zebra 642.
06:35We're gonna have to look this up in the chief's special code books, 99.
06:41Zebra, that's the blue book.
06:42The blue book is the one with the green cover.
06:45Since when does a blue book have a green cover?
06:48Max worked it out with the coding section.
06:50In case of a chaos infiltrator, every book has a cover identity.
06:54You see, we have a cover for a cover.
06:56It says, see green book.
07:00The green book is the one with the blue cover.
07:02Max couldn't throw away a perfectly good book cover.
07:06Ah, here it is.
07:08It looks like it's in code.
07:09It says, Baker, Abel.
07:14See, telephone book.
07:16Where's the telephone book?
07:18The telephone book is right here by the telephone.
07:23Abel, Baker, Abel, Baker, Abel.
07:25Ah, here it is.
07:27The name of the chief's superior is Abel Baker.
07:32Come on, Max.
07:33Maybe he's calling us.
07:37Hello, this is Maxwell Smart.
07:39Smart.
07:40Siegfried the Great.
07:42I will return your chief.
07:44But there is something I want in exchange.
07:48I would like to meet with you.
07:50I'm not meeting with you, Siegfried, until I know the chief is all right.
07:53How do I know he's still alive?
07:55I will let you talk to him.
07:57Hello, Max, this is the chief.
08:00Are you all right, chief?
08:02Yeah, I'm all right.
08:02Wait a minute.
08:03How do I know you're really the chief?
08:05You could be someone impersonating him.
08:07Max!
08:08This is the chief, all right.
08:09Max, don't bargain with chaos.
08:11I'm expendable.
08:11My life...
08:14Schmalt?
08:17What happened?
08:18Your chief was just silenced by a pistol bat.
08:21Well, that's a little drastic, isn't it, Siegfried?
08:24Couldn't you have just shushed him?
08:25Well, don't shush here.
08:27I will finish a conversation for him when we meet.
08:32Good hour from now.
08:33It's a southeast corner of Potomac Park.
08:36Just the two of us...
08:38I'm going to meet Siegfried.
08:42Max, you're not going to meet him alone.
08:43Yes, I am.
08:44No, Max, he's a chaos man, a thief, a kidnapper, maybe a killer.
08:4999, sometimes you just have to go on trust.
08:55Mix well, Schmalt.
09:00Siegfried the Great?
09:02What was that?
09:03I think I just broke my shoe phone.
09:06You still will proceed with a little talk.
09:09Just a moment, Siegfried.
09:11Are you armed?
09:12Of course not.
09:14What's the matter?
09:14Don't you trust me, Schmalt?
09:16That's the way you come to a peaceful meeting.
09:22You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Siegfried.
09:27How could you be so sneaky?
09:31Treacherous.
09:32I suggest we check all weapons.
09:36Good idea.
09:44My revolver.
09:46My revolver.
09:47My machine pistol.
09:54Come on, Siegfried.
09:56My machine pistol.
10:01My switchblade knife.
10:03I don't have a switchblade knife.
10:06Here, I have an extra one.
10:11My brass knuckles.
10:13My brass knuckles.
10:15My brass knuckles.
10:15And my XKE 500.
10:22I have never seen a weapon like this before.
10:25May I be my guest?
10:28It shoots dum-dum bullets.
10:29It can rip a hole in a man the size of an ash can cover.
10:33Nasty little weapon.
10:35Control issue.
10:36Don't be silly.
10:37Control would never issue a weapon as vicious as this.
10:40I got it from a mail order house in Chicago.
10:42Well, that's it.
10:47Careful.
10:48That's my exploding wallet.
10:52Where's yours?
10:56I must have left it in my other pants.
10:59Here.
11:00I have my suicide pill.
11:01It's raspberry this month.
11:05Want to try it?
11:07No, thanks.
11:08Go ahead.
11:09It's not habit-forming.
11:10No.
11:13Where's your suicide capsule?
11:15This is my suicide ring.
11:18I will have to keep it on.
11:21A suicide wedding ring?
11:23How does that work?
11:24Through my wife.
11:25She told me if I ever take it off, she'll kill me.
11:28All right.
11:29Enough of this, Siegfried.
11:30Let's get down to business.
11:31What's your proposition?
11:32If you wish to get your chief back, Schmack,
11:34you will deliver to me the X-11.
11:39The X-11?
11:40The X-11?
11:41That's out of the question, Siegfried.
11:43I can't give you the X-11.
11:45No, sir.
11:46No X-11.
11:48By the way, Siegfried,
11:50what is the X-11?
11:52The country's latest defense device.
11:55Oh.
11:56You know what I think, Siegfried?
11:58I don't think you even know what the X-11 is.
12:00The X-11 is an all-new laser-powered missile detector.
12:05It's 12 inches by 14 by 4.
12:07It's completely portable,
12:09weighing only 2 pounds, 8 and a half ounces,
12:11and there are exactly 3 of them in existence,
12:13one being in the safe in your chief's office.
12:16If you're so smart,
12:18how come you lost 2 world wars?
12:24You have my dear, Schmack.
12:26Deliver one X-11 to me,
12:28and I will deliver one life control chief to you.
12:32Agreed?
12:32Agreed.
12:33Where and when?
12:34Right here.
12:35One hour from now.
12:37Better make that 2 hours.
12:42It'll take us an hour to put all this junk away.
12:54Think we'll get away with it, Max?
12:56I certainly hope so, for the chief's sake.
12:59Schmack.
13:00Siegfried.
13:05Did it again.
13:07Did you bring the chief?
13:08Yeah.
13:12Did you bring the X-11?
13:15Yes, I have it right here.
13:17Throw it to me.
13:18Now you throw me the chief.
13:25You did it, Max.
13:27Yes.
13:27I gave him a dummy X-11.
13:31And he gave me a dummy chief.
13:33Yes, Siegfried, I understand perfectly.
13:49What did he say, Max?
13:51He says that unless I deliver the real X-11 to him within 2 hours,
13:55he's going to kill the chief.
13:57Well, what are you going to do, Max?
13:58We can't exchange the X-11 for the chief.
14:01No, but we can exchange the most important man in chaos for him.
14:05Carl Danker.
14:06Their number one assassin.
14:08Yes.
14:08But how are we going to do that, Max?
14:09We don't have Carl Danker.
14:12We will, 99.
14:14I'm going out and find him and bring him in.
14:16Oh, Max, please be careful.
14:18Carl Danker has killed 19 control agents already
14:20and avoided capture every time.
14:22He's tricky and shows no mercy, Max.
14:24You'll be in extreme danger every minute.
14:27And loving it.
14:39Danker, freeze right where you are.
14:44All right, now turn around slowly.
14:49Well, Danker, I finally got you.
14:52You've escaped capture by control 19 times.
14:5520.
14:5720?
14:58They told me 19.
15:11Smart's right behind me.
15:12Catch him as he comes in.
15:13Yes.
15:13Sorry about that, pat-head.
15:32You better give up, Danker.
15:34This building is surrounded by 40 control agents.
15:36Would you believe 30?
15:44One angry Boy Scout?
15:48Girl Scout?
15:48Ah!
16:18now you're going to get it the hard way have you ever used one of those things before danker
16:26no well why don't i come back a little later after you've had a chance to practice
16:31it's not going to be any later
16:33this is your last chance danker you want to be friends
16:40uh listen i i hope i wasn't out of line with that crack about fathead
16:52well fella i guess it's just not your day
17:10well 99 i have danker safely tucked away in security good work max siegfried hasn't called
17:22yet that must be him hello smart here this is siegfried are you going to give me the eggs
17:34or does your chief die neither you give me back the chief and i'll give you back carl danker
17:42your number one killer i just captured him
17:45well this puts a crimp in my plans
17:48now you have our top man and we have yours it's a stalemate
17:52i wouldn't count on set smart
17:55hello is this the answering service do you have any kidnapping messages for maxwell smart
18:0837 uh tear that up i already have that information
18:12uh what's your count
18:14six of ours and three of theirs
18:17hello oh hi 99 no we're doing pretty good i think we're ahead
18:34yeah we have 27 of theirs and they have 26 of ours
18:38hello 99 99
18:44okay that's it hold it right there
18:52now chaos has 99 but i have you mr borchek
18:58and that puts us one up on chaos
19:01now if siegfried wants you back he'll have to give us 99
19:05but i would rather stay here with you
19:07that's out of the question
19:09of course these exchanges do take time
19:14of course you know why i asked for this meeting smart
19:20of course we've both run out of agents
19:23exactly i have all the control personnel and you have all the chaos personnel
19:30right and it wouldn't do any good our kidnapping each other because there'd be nobody left to do the negotiations
19:35exactly shall we start okay a straight trade our chief for your assassin danker agreed
19:42now we give you back your lab man for our lab man
19:47hold on siegfried everybody in the espionage business knows that our lab man is the top man in his profession
19:53then what do you want
19:54our lab man for your lab man and you give us ten thousand dollars in cash
19:59this is ridiculous scarce does not make cash deals
20:03well i have an alternate offer
20:06let's see now
20:07we're a little weak in the administration department so i'll tell you what we'll do
20:11we'll forget about the ten thousand dollars
20:13you give us your head bookkeeper and a minor accountant
20:16and options on two of your best garage mechanics
20:19this sounds fair
20:20but you need some help in the coding section
20:23how about giving us smithers in your deciphering department
20:27and uh first choice on the two best men graduating from your training school
20:31no deal
20:33we don't give away our trainees
20:35forget it smithers got to go on our time
20:38let us wait
20:40you're chief for danker and we'll get to the rest later
20:44okay
20:45in one hour then
20:48at our warehouse
20:50hold it
20:53hello max good to see you
21:02good to see you chief
21:04danker siegfried
21:05all right siegfried how do we handle this
21:08release danker
21:10you release the chief
21:11i don't trust you
21:13i don't trust you either
21:14are you armed
21:16if you like
21:17frisk me
21:18now you
21:23well are you satisfied siegfried
21:28very well i will release the chief
21:30and i will release danker
21:32all right
21:41all right
21:42okay that's it
21:48and now just to show you there are no hard feelings
21:51a little magic trick
21:52hey look chief it's a rabbit
21:57observe this
21:59hence up
22:02the old
22:05gun and the rabbit trick
22:06and i fell for it
22:07up
22:08up
22:09well siegfried
22:11magic is a two-way street
22:13okay siegfried it's my turn
22:17big deal
22:18it's only a magic gun
22:20the old lighter in the gun and the rabbit trick
22:26you will now release the rest of my chaos agents
22:30and i will release the rest of your control agents
22:33i don't trust you
22:34i don't trust you either
22:36okay i've got a suggestion that'll guarantee we both live up to the bargain
22:41what
22:43hostages
22:44you leave danker with me and i'll leave the chief with you
22:47right chief
22:48wrong max
22:48wrong
22:49okay
22:50how about this
22:51i'll go with danker and you go with siegfried
22:54you want to go with danker
22:56i'll go with siegfried
22:57you want to go with danker and siegfried
22:59well how about me going with danker and siegfried
23:02just you and i huh chief
23:05mass exchange seems to be going all right max
23:15perfect chief
23:16control agent harris for chaos agent heineke
23:22control agent weikhoff for chaos agent both
23:25uh mr standish
23:30i would like to apologize for the blow to your ear when i kidnapped you
23:35i hope it didn't impair your hearing
23:37what
23:37never mind
23:39hi 99
23:45nice to have you back
23:46i'm sure it is max
23:48i just spoke to mr vorcheck
23:49she's a liar 99
23:52so long siegfried
23:59and from now on
24:01leave the spine to us
24:03have we got all our agents max
24:07i think so chief but i'll double check just to make sure
24:09yes they're all here chief
24:16then let's go
24:16we can't
24:17why not
24:17siegfried kidnapped our bus driver
24:19i'll be right back to you
24:30i'll be right back to you
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