- ayer
Max gets a tip that important scientists begin to go missing right after attending the Pussycat Club. To infiltrate the club, the Chief assigns Max and 99 to go undercover as two married German scientists while agent Charlie Watkins poses as an employee. Ted Knight guest stars. (Working title: "The Disappearances".)
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00:00The End
00:30Mr. Smart?
00:43How did you get in here?
00:45I slipped your landlady a dollar and she let me in the back door.
00:48Oh, you should have used the front door. It's only a quarter.
00:51Who are you?
00:52I'm a pussycat.
00:54A pussycat?
00:55Yes, at Frank Valentine's Pussycat Club.
00:57Oh, yes, of course.
01:00The private key club where all the waitresses dress like pussycats.
01:04Mr. Smart, I haven't much time and what I have to tell you could be very important.
01:07I'll make a drink.
01:08I don't need a drink.
01:10I do.
01:13Please, Mr. Smart, I have to get back to the club.
01:16I'm on a break and we're not allowed to leave the premises.
01:19If they find out, I've come to see you.
01:21They'll fire you.
01:22They'll kill me.
01:22Oh, well, that'll make it rather difficult to collect unemployment insurance.
01:27Why don't you take it easy, relax, sit down, and tell me what's on your mind.
01:31Well, I read in this evening's paper that Dr. Herbert Von Solo, the Austrian scientist, disappeared.
01:36That's right.
01:37Von Solo was here in Washington for some top-secret meetings.
01:40He left his hotel early yesterday and hasn't been seen since.
01:43Von Solo was in the Pussycat Club last night.
01:46He was?
01:48Yes, I waited on him myself.
01:50I brought him a cocktail and when I returned, he was gone.
01:53Hmm, that's strange.
01:55Von Solo is one of the world's most highly respected scientists.
01:58He's a winner of the Nobel Prize.
02:00It just doesn't make sense.
02:01What doesn't make sense?
02:03That he would sneak out without paying his check.
02:06Mr. Smart, he didn't sneak out.
02:08I'm convinced he was taken out.
02:10Well, what makes you think that?
02:12Because of certain things that have been going on in the club.
02:15Strange things.
02:16What kind of strange things?
02:19Oh, look, I've got to get back to the club.
02:22I'll talk to you later, all right?
02:23Are you sure I can't fix you a drink?
02:25Oh, no, it's against the rules.
02:27Pussycats aren't allowed to drink liquor.
02:28Oh, well, how about a saucer of milk?
02:31I must go.
02:33Wait a minute, Pussycat.
02:38Be very careful when you pass apartment 1C.
02:41Why?
02:42They have a bulldog.
02:44Okay, I'll see you later.
02:45Hello, Chief.
03:02Max.
03:03What's up, Max?
03:05Chief, Dr. Herbert Von Solo did not disappear.
03:08He was kidnapped.
03:09Kidnapped?
03:10How do you know that?
03:11A pussycat told me.
03:12Don't you by chance mean a little birdie?
03:15No, I don't, Chief.
03:16I mean a pussycat.
03:18Max, get some sleep.
03:19Chief, a girl who works at the Pussycat Club was just here in my apartment.
03:24She claims that Von Solo was in there last night.
03:26No, Chief, she didn't give me her name or address.
03:37Max, if what you say is true, then this could be extremely important.
03:40Can you at least describe her?
03:41Well, let's see now, Chief.
03:43She was a brunette.
03:44And, uh, large brown eyes, small upturned nose, ripe, sensuous lips, slender but voluptuous
03:53body, and long, shapely legs.
03:57Max, you've got to get hold of this girl right away.
03:59You'll bet your sweet life I do.
04:01Max, get over to the...
04:02Hold on, Chief.
04:06Max, what happened?
04:08Max!
04:09Chief, I just stuck my head out the window and saw two men push that pussycat into a car
04:13and drive away.
04:15What was that crash I heard?
04:16I forgot to open the window.
04:20I forgot to open the window.
05:49Thanks for indebted to that girl.
05:52She opened up our eyes to something that we should have realized right along.
05:56What's that, Chief?
05:57Well, there are pussycat clubs located in London, Paris, and Washington.
06:04Now, in the past few months, four of the free world's top scientists have disappeared from those very same cities.
06:10You're kidding.
06:11I never kid. I have the information right there.
06:13One disappeared from London, one from Paris, and two from right here in Washington.
06:17Do you know what that means?
06:18Of course. Washington is in the lead.
06:21Max, I wouldn't exactly be proud of that.
06:23Well, it is my hometown, Chief.
06:26Couldn't this be some kind of coincidence, Chief?
06:28I don't think so.
06:29Believe me, 99, this is definitely no coincidence.
06:34What makes you say that, Max?
06:35What makes me say that, Chief?
06:37We've discovered that every one of those scientists visited the pussycat club on the night he disappeared.
06:42That's what makes me say that.
06:44Why would brilliant, intelligent men want to go to a place like that?
06:48Well, there are several reasons, 99.
06:51Men like that need a place to unwind, a change of atmosphere, a change of scene.
06:55But, Max, there's nothing to do there except look at a lot of girls walking around half undressed.
07:00Say, that's the best reason yet.
07:04Chief, do you think that Frank Valentine, the owner of the pussycat club, is working for chaos?
07:09That's my hunch, 99, but I need proof.
07:11We have to catch Valentine actually in the act of kidnapping a scientist.
07:15Chief, I want to get involved in this case.
07:20Sorry about that, Chief.
07:22Now, as I was saying, Chief, I want to be involved in this case.
07:26Max, I want you to pose as a scientist.
07:28That involved, I don't want to be.
07:3199 will work with you on this assignment.
07:33You'll pose as a German husband and wife scientist team, Drs. Fritz and Greta Braun.
07:38Is chaos after them, Chief?
07:40They will be.
07:41What do you mean?
07:41We have a top-secret laboratory in Heidelberg engaged in germicidal warfare research.
07:46Chaos has tried unsuccessfully to infiltrate it.
07:49I'm going to let it slip out that the program is headed up by Drs. Fritz and Greta Braun.
07:53Oh, I get it, Chief.
07:55Then they'll want to kidnap us and torture us to find out everything we know.
07:59And since we don't know anything, there's nothing we can tell them.
08:02Right.
08:02So they'll be forced to kill us.
08:07Uh, you got any other assignments, Chief?
08:10No.
08:11You mean to tell me, Chief, that we're in this thing alone?
08:14No, Max.
08:14We've assigned Agent Charlie Watkins of Control West on this case.
08:17Oh, good.
08:18Watkins is a good man.
08:19Watkins?
08:20Isn't he the disguise expert who makes himself up to look like a beautiful girl?
08:24That's right, 99.
08:25Here's his picture.
08:30That's a fantastic disguise.
08:35Uh, what's he posing as on this case, Chief?
08:38We got him a job as a pussycat in the Washington Club.
08:40He'll be your contact.
08:41I can't wait to see her.
08:43Uh, him.
08:46Here are your instructions.
08:48You'll leave immediately on board a special plane for Germany.
08:51A car will pick you up at the airport, take you to a back road where you'll switch cars,
08:55drive back to the airport, and take a jet immediately back to Washington.
08:59Have you got it?
08:59Not all of it, Chief.
09:01What part didn't you get?
09:02The part after we leave immediately.
09:05I'll write it down.
09:06Good idea.
09:08Chief, what happens after we arrive back in Washington tomorrow?
09:12We'll check you into a suite at the Pier Gint Hotel.
09:15Then you'll wait for Frank Valentine to call and invite you to the Pussycat Club.
09:18Right, Chief.
09:19Now, I want you to memorize these.
09:22Your lives may depend upon it.
09:25What are they, Chief?
09:27They're your biographies.
09:28They tell where you were born and where you went to school.
09:30I know where I was born and where I went to school.
09:33Not you, Max.
09:35Fritz Braun.
09:3699, how well do you speak German?
09:38Oh, fluently, Chief.
09:40Max, how's your German?
09:41Ausgehagen, der Bomben, Bomben, unter Kraschacht, Schlagen, Lager mit der Rasshafen, Pfeffer,
09:48das ist der Weg mit der Ball hoopt.
09:51Max, where did you learn to speak German like that?
09:54From watching old movies on television.
09:56That was from All Quiet on the Western Front, Chief.
09:58One of my favorites.
10:00I'll remember that.
10:01Lou Ayers was in it.
10:02Now, you better be on your way.
10:03And Louis Wallheim with a big helmet.
10:05It was a lot.
10:05Max!
10:07Don't forget it.
10:08This is a most hazardous assignment.
10:10The second you set foot in Germany, you'll be living in constant, extreme danger.
10:15Und damit gefreut.
10:18What's he saying now, 99?
10:22And loving it.
10:23Doctor, could we get one of you seated on your suitcase with your legs crossed?
10:41Yeah, I would be most happy.
10:43I meant your wife.
10:46Oh, of course.
10:47Doctor, what in your opinion do you think is the answer to world peace?
10:55Cameras.
10:56Cameras?
10:57Yeah, cameras.
10:58People should shoot pictures, not guns.
11:01People should shoot pictures, not guns.
11:04That's a very profound thought, Doctor.
11:06Yeah, this thought was given to me by an old friend in Heidelberg.
11:09Is he a colleague of yours?
11:11No, he owns a camera shop.
11:14Doctor, what have you been working on in your laboratories in Germany?
11:17Ach, ja, that is a good question.
11:20We have been working on two of the most important things for the preservation of human life.
11:25Food and water.
11:27Food and water.
11:29Und, und, dummkau.
11:31Food and water.
11:33Und how to contaminate them through germ warfare.
11:38You will have to excuse us, but we have had a very tiring flight.
11:42Und so, a lousy movie and stunken got over me.
11:45Well, I guess I know everything there is to know about Greta Braun.
11:59How are you doing, Max?
12:00Fine.
12:02We've been married for 11 years and we don't have any children.
12:05Good.
12:06Why is that good, Max?
12:07Well, at least we don't have to hire a babysitter.
12:11I wonder why we don't have any children, Max.
12:14Ninety-nine, will you please stop questioning the biography and stop calling me Max?
12:21From here on in, we have to look and act and think like Fritz and Greta Braun all the time.
12:28Ja, ja, gut.
12:29Fritz.
12:30Meine Fritz.
12:32Liebchen.
12:33What are you doing?
12:34Well, my biography says that Greta absolutely adored her husband.
12:37Yes, well, my biography says that Dr. Fritz Braun was a dedicated scientist.
12:43He thought of nothing but his work 24 hours a day.
12:47No wonder we don't have any children.
12:49Hello?
12:55Ah, ja.
12:57This is Dr. Braun.
12:58Oh, is this please?
13:00This is Hans Fromm of the German Embassy, doctor.
13:03We wish to welcome you and Mrs. Braun to Washington.
13:06Ah, das is very kind of you.
13:08Look, uh...
13:09Why don't I stop by the hotel and introduce myself and take you and Mrs. Braun to dinner?
13:17Ah, ja.
13:17That would be very nice.
13:19In an hour?
13:21Uh, ja.
13:22They will be ready.
13:23Auf Wiedersehen.
13:24Auf Wiedersehen.
13:25I have to pick them up in an hour.
13:34Excellent.
13:35But before you bring them here, engage them in conversation.
13:39Question them discreetly.
13:40Make sure they are who they say they are.
13:43And if they are not?
13:46Kill them.
13:47Instantly.
13:48It's a pleasure to know you both.
13:58Dankeschön.
13:59Perhaps you would like a little schnips.
14:02Schnapps.
14:03A schnip of schnapps.
14:04I'll wait till we get to the club.
14:07The club?
14:08Yes.
14:09I thought on your first visit to Washington you would enjoy someplace unusual and attractive.
14:14And so I took the liberty of making reservations at the Pussycat Club.
14:21Ah, ja.
14:23Well, um, shall we get started?
14:25Ja.
14:25Why don't we get started?
14:27We don't want to keep the little pussycats waiting, huh?
14:30Come on.
14:30Our reservation's out for an hour yet.
14:32Let us sit and talk.
14:34There's so many things I want to ask you about home.
14:37Ja.
14:38Home, home, sweet home.
14:40And you are from, uh, Cologne.
14:43Crack it.
14:43Did you attend the University of Cologne?
14:46Did you?
14:47No.
14:48Then I did.
14:50My husband is modest about his education.
14:53He likes to make jokes.
14:54But he was an exceptional student.
14:57This is so.
14:58I got all A's.
14:59That's very unusual.
15:01They don't give A's in Germany.
15:03I know I got the last ones.
15:07Now, let's go see the pussycats.
15:09In a minute.
15:10Tell me, Dr. Vaughan.
15:13Did you perhaps know a Professor Heinstock in Cologne?
15:17Ah!
15:18Ha!
15:18Ha!
15:19Heinstock!
15:20Of course.
15:21Who didn't know old Professor Heinstock?
15:25Who's never met him?
15:26Besides me.
15:27I studied with Professor Heinstock at the University of Frankfurt.
15:31He has never taught in Cologne.
15:33Oh, yes, of course.
15:36How stupid of me.
15:39Well, I think perhaps we should be on our way.
15:53It is a lovely place, Mr. Vaughan.
15:55I thought you'd enjoy it, Mrs. Vaughan.
15:57If you'll excuse me, I'll see if I can find Mr. Valentine, the owner.
16:00I know he'd be honored to meet you.
16:06What do you think, Max?
16:07Well, for a guy from the German embassy who was just trying to be nice to us, he certainly is nosy.
16:12I thought so, too.
16:1499, we've got to contact the chief and check out this throne.
16:17But how can we, Max?
16:18If we make a telephone call, he's going to get suspicious.
16:21Hmm.
16:22I've got it.
16:23Watkins.
16:23We'll get a hold of Watkins and let him do it.
16:25Good thinking.
16:27But, Max, all the pussycats look alike in those outfits.
16:30How are we going to know which one is Charlie Watkins?
16:32That's really quite simple, 99.
16:34All we have to do is look over all the pussycats, and the one with the most voluptuous figure, he's our man.
16:46Well?
16:47They are here.
16:48They checked out.
16:49He's a bit eccentric, but she's convincing.
16:50I believe they are our people.
16:54Kurt, prepare two special cocktails and put enough tranquilizer in them to make sure the brawns are cooperative until they're safely aboard the freighter.
17:01There's Heilman, Dr. Fonsolo, and now the brawns.
17:04That makes sure we have finally fulfilled our quota for shipment to Peking.
17:08You, take these two cocktails over to table seven and be quick about it.
17:17I'll radio the freighter and have them send the launch to me to the dock.
17:20Good.
17:20Good.
17:20Good.
17:20Good.
17:21Good.
17:21Good.
17:21Good.
17:22Good.
17:23Good.
17:23Good.
17:24Good.
17:25Good.
17:25Good.
17:26Good.
17:27Good.
17:27Good.
17:28Good.
17:28Good.
17:29Good.
17:30Good.
17:30Good.
17:31Good.
17:31Good.
17:32Is that for table seven, honey?
17:34I'll take it.
17:34It's almost time for your break.
17:44Good evening.
17:45I'm your pussycat.
17:47What's new, pussycat?
17:51I make a little joke.
17:53I stick up.
17:55Hello, 86.
17:57Is that you, Watkins?
17:59Uh-huh.
17:59This is Agent 99.
18:0399, this is Charlie Watkins.
18:04Hello, Charlie.
18:06Hi there.
18:09Better not use your own voice, Charlie.
18:11Someone might hear you.
18:13Right, 86.
18:15Well, good luck.
18:18Yes, and we're gonna need it.
18:20Anything to report, Watkins?
18:21I've turned this place inside out to find a secret passageway for them to smuggle out their victims.
18:28Did you find it?
18:29Finally.
18:30Where is it?
18:31There's a back door in the kitchen that leads to the alley.
18:34The old back door-to-the-alley trick.
18:39What'll I think of next?
18:41We're up against a tough lot this time, Smart.
18:45We better move fast.
18:46Here's what I want you to do, Watkins.
18:48Contact the chief and have him run an immediate check on Hans Fromm of the German embassy here in Washington.
18:53Right away.
18:54You know something, 99?
19:00With pussycats like these, I don't know why anyone would want to own a dog.
19:07We'll be waiting for you at the dock.
19:08Be there on time.
19:21It's all arranged.
19:22You get the bronze, I'll have the car meet us in the alley.
19:24Right.
19:25The tranquilizer should have worked by now.
19:32Belly time.
19:33The chief checked Fromm out.
19:35There was no such person connected with the German embassy.
19:38He...
19:39Smart?
19:4499.
19:47Oh, no.
19:52Hurry, get the bronze.
20:08How much do you think she knows?
20:09Doesn't matter.
20:10She won't have to talk.
20:15Get in there.
20:16If I get in there, I'll die.
20:19You'll die faster if you don't get in.
20:21Move.
20:29Here they are.
20:30The most cooperative.
20:33Excellent.
20:34Now what we have to do is deliver them aboard the freighter Red Star where their colleagues Heilman and Unselo are waiting.
20:38It's set sail for Peking immediately.
20:41Escort them to the alley where the car is waiting.
20:42Good-bye.
20:43Good-bye.
21:00Get in.
21:04And now you, doctor.
21:05All right, don't anybody move.
21:10Stay right where you are.
21:13So you didn't drink your cocktail.
21:14No, I did not.
21:16Who are you?
21:18Perhaps this will help.
21:25I've never seen you before in my life.
21:28You haven't?
21:30How about you?
21:31Well, I just happen to be Maxwell Smart.
21:40Secret Agent 86?
21:42So, a control agent.
21:44Yes.
21:45And this is the end of your little kidnapping operation, Mr. Ballantyne.
21:49Smart!
21:49Smart!
21:50Smart!
22:09Stop it, Fred!
22:11Take your hands off the ignition, Smart.
22:15Smart!
22:15Smart!
22:17Smart!
22:17Smart!
22:17Smart!
22:18Smart!
22:19Smart!
22:19Max, are you all right?
22:30Yes, I'm fine, Chief.
22:31Good shooting.
22:32How's 99?
22:33Oh, she's fine, Chief.
22:34They just drugged our drinks.
22:36How come you're not drugged?
22:37Well, I remember reading in the biography that Dr. Braun was a teetotaler,
22:41so I made sure not to touch that drink.
22:44That was very wise, Max.
22:45Thank you, Chief.
22:46Incidentally, how did you know we were here?
22:48Valentine locked Watkins in the freezer.
22:50Watkins found the hidden radio and contacted us on it.
22:52Good old Charlie.
22:55Well, Chief, I guess I deserve a little congratulations for this.
22:59Yes, Max, you did a fine job.
23:01Fine job?
23:03Yes.
23:03Well, you could be a little more enthusiastic than that, Chief.
23:06After all, I'm a hero.
23:07I deserve a medal for this.
23:09A medal?
23:10Yes, don't you realize what I've done?
23:12I've made the world safe for German scientists.
23:18Are you all right, 99?
23:24Much better, Max.
23:24Thanks.
23:25Good.
23:26How about you, Charlie?
23:27How are you feeling?
23:28Still thawing out.
23:29Good boy.
23:30Wonderful, Commander.
23:32That was Commander Nye of the Coast Guard, Max.
23:34He boarded the Red Scar and rescued Professor Heilman and Dr. Von Solo.
23:38Oh, that's great, Chief.
23:39Say, did they ever get that pussycat who was kidnapped from my apartment?
23:42Yes, they got her, too.
23:44Oh, good.
23:44How is she?
23:45She's in fine shape, Max.
23:47I know that, Chief, but how is she?
23:49Fine, Max.
23:50Good.
23:52Well, you've done a great job.
23:53I'm going to take you to dinner, and afterwards, maybe we'll go dancing.
23:56Knock it off, smart.
23:57I take enough ribbing.
23:58I wasn't talking to you, Charlie.
24:00I was talking to 99.
24:09Of course, if you'd like to tag along, it's all right with me.
24:28I was talking to you, Charlie.
24:58I was talking to you, Charlie.
24:59I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:00I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:01I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:02I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:03I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:04I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:05I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:06I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:07I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:08I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:09I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:10I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:11I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:12I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:13I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:14I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:15I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:16I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:17I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:18I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:19I was talking to you, Charlie.
25:21You