- anteayer
A doctor meets Max at his apartment and convinces him that he has escaped from KAOS with an invisibility ray. KAOS then attempts to kidnap Max as he tries to figure out if the ray is real. The title is based upon a common magician's dialogue with the audience.
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00:00Yes, who is it?
00:16What do you call Haskell?
00:19What do you want?
00:21Please, I must speak to you.
00:25Shut the door, please.
00:30You are Baxwell's smart secret agent 86.
00:33Perhaps.
00:37You're Dr. Carl Haskell the physicist, aren't you?
00:42I've got to be frank with you.
00:43I need your help.
00:46As I recall, Dr. Haskell, you were working on a top secret project for our government and suddenly...
00:52Yes, suddenly I disappeared.
00:54They say you defected to the enemy.
00:56I was taken prisoner, kidnapped by chaos.
01:00Chaos?
01:01Yes, of course.
01:02The International Organization of Evil.
01:04Well, I've dealt with them before.
01:06They let you go?
01:07No, I escaped, but not before they forced me to turn over to them.
01:10The results of my most secret experiment.
01:14Yes, go on, doctor.
01:15I invented a gun whose ray can turn a man invisible.
01:20Chaos now has it in their possession.
01:22Do you realize the implications?
01:24Yes, of course, but I find it very difficult to believe.
01:29Would you believe that I have the plans and designs of that gun here with me in this briefcase?
01:34You can turn them over to your government.
01:36But meantime, I must be protected.
01:40Yes.
01:41Well, Dr. Haskell, now that you're here, I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about.
01:45Stand still, gentlemen.
01:46If either of you moves, the doctor will die.
01:49Who said that?
01:50I did.
01:51It's chaos.
01:54They found me.
01:55Now, listen, whoever you are.
01:57Don't move, smart.
01:58There are two of us here.
01:59If you try anything, I will shoot you and my associate will take care of the doctor.
02:04That's right.
02:06You're breaking my arm.
02:08Come on, doctor.
02:09You're coming back with us.
02:11Bring the briefcase, Haskell.
02:12Open the door.
02:22Right.
02:24Before we leave you a little something to remember us by, Mr. Smart, let me give you a message for your government.
02:30You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:34If you don't want it, there are other nations who will.
02:37Stop them!
02:38You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:39You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:40You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:41You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:42You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:43You can have the plans of the Invisibility Ray for $10 million.
02:44¶¶
03:14¶¶
03:44Then the gun went off, I got hit in the face by a puff of smoke, and I came to 20 minutes later.
03:49Max, I don't mean to suggest that you're not telling the truth,
03:52but isn't it just conceivable that this whole affair could have been a bad dream?
03:56Absolutely not, Chief. I tell you, I saw two invisible men.
04:01Uh, that is, I didn't see two invisible men.
04:06Well, what I mean to say is, I saw two men who were not in my apartment who were there.
04:14Max, think what you're asking me to believe. It's science fiction, it's a fantasy.
04:20Yes, but this isn't.
04:24Our representative will be at your apartment tonight.
04:27If the money is not ready, we will be glad to sell the secret to your country's enemy, signed...
04:32I can't make out the signature.
04:34It's invisible.
04:37All right, Max, it's inconceivable, but in this rapidly changing world, who knows?
04:44Have the boys in the lab go to Smart's apartment and tell Agent 99 to meet me there.
04:50What are we going to do, Chief?
04:52You better write down these instructions. We've got to be precise.
04:55Right, Chief.
04:56First of all, plan A.
04:58If they do show up without the ray gun...
05:01Now, hold it a second, Chief. You got a piece of paper?
05:03Yeah.
05:05Thank you!
05:06If they show up at your apartment without the ray gun, you've got to force them...
05:10Just a minute, Chief. Do you have a pencil?
05:14I think so.
05:16Thank you!
05:18If they show up at your apartment without the ray gun, you've got to force them to take you to their hideout...
05:22and find a way to confiscate the weapon. Have you got that?
05:25Plan...
05:26A.
05:29I have a feeling this is going to take too long.
05:32I have a feeling...
05:35Come on, Max.
05:37Come on, Max.
05:41Now, if they show up with the ray gun,
05:44we put plan B into effect.
05:47Take too long.
05:49Never mind that.
05:51Just listen.
05:52If they have the ray gun, you strike a match at that window.
05:56When you strike that match, it'll be a signal for us to move in for the capture.
05:59What if they try to take a shot at me?
06:02If they should do that,
06:04you'll be protected by doing this.
06:08The boys from our lab installed it earlier today.
06:11Applying pressure to the edge of this desk
06:14will lower an invisible wall that nothing can penetrate.
06:17One question, Chief.
06:19If the wall is invisible,
06:21then how do you know if it's up or down?
06:25That's one way.
06:26That's fantastic.
06:28You can't even tell it's there.
06:31How do you raise it?
06:33By leaning on the desk again.
06:36Now, if they should try to kill you,
06:38this invisible wall will serve to prevent your harm.
06:42Sorry about that, Chief.
06:43At which time, they will undoubtedly return to their hideout to report the incident.
06:48And that's when I follow them, right?
06:50Wrong.
06:51Wrong.
06:51In that case, 99 will be watching from across the court.
06:55And she will follow them to their hideout.
06:56I don't think they'd be suspicious of a woman.
06:58But what if their hideout is in the YMCA?
07:01Then she'll call you.
07:04I'm not a member.
07:07Max, do you have something for a headache?
07:09You know, Chief, you want to go and have a checkup.
07:11You've been getting these headaches quite often lately.
07:14Only on occasions, Max.
07:15Well, you've had one every time I've been with you.
07:18Those are the occasions.
07:21What's the matter?
07:22Don't do that, Chief.
07:23Why not?
07:23Well, you see, I happen to have a few protective devices of my own.
07:27This is one of them.
07:28Now, I'll show you how it works.
07:30Here, you hold the glass.
07:31Hold it out there.
07:33Now, watch.
07:36You're ingenious, Max.
07:38Oh, that's nothing, Chief.
07:40Where do you get a load of this one?
07:42Now, watch what happens when I turn this lamp on without using the safety switch.
07:48Anyone rifling the drawers is going to end up with quite a stomachache.
07:51Anything else?
07:52Well, if you like that, you'll get a big kick out of this, Chief.
07:55I've got a special man-trap operated from this couch.
07:58Man-trap?
07:59Yes.
08:00You see that net up there?
08:01Yeah.
08:02Well, you merely press this button here.
08:04No, no, Max, thank you.
08:05I've seen enough.
08:06Get the ideas for all these devices.
08:08Well, I've got this funny little decorator, you see.
08:11What is that?
08:11Ah, now that really is sensational, Chief.
08:13Stand aside, and I'll show you how it works.
08:16Lend me your hat.
08:17Okay, now, when I drop this hat, you pull the knob.
08:24You ready?
08:25Ready.
08:26Okay, one, two, three, go.
08:30Okay, turn it off, Max, please.
08:33What?
08:33Turn it off.
08:34Oh.
08:34Well, how do you like it?
08:37It's amazing.
08:38What is it, some kind of a fan?
08:39Ah, yes, it is some kind of a fan.
08:41You see, if somebody stands there and threatens me with a gun, I merely pull out the knob, and
08:45the gun is sucked up through the chimney.
08:46It took me months to make it perfect.
08:48Where's my hat, Max?
08:50Almost perfect.
08:52Where's my hat?
08:52Ah, well, I would say it's about 14th Street and Avenue N.
08:56What?
08:57According to the wind velocity and the density of the hat.
09:00Smart.
09:01Ah, that must be 99, Chief.
09:03Hello, 86.
09:08Hello, 99.
09:09Good evening, Chief.
09:11Oh, 99, 86 will explain the plan and your duties.
09:14I'm counting on you.
09:15Good, Chief.
09:17Now, 86, remember, if they have the ray gun, a match struck in that window will bring us
09:23running.
09:24If they don't have the ray gun, and if you can't convince them to take you with them to their
09:27hideout, 99 goes in pursuit.
09:30If they do take you with them, 99 will follow.
09:32You got that?
09:33Good luck, Max.
09:36Thank you, Chief.
09:40Ah, sorry about that, Chief.
09:43Uh, 99?
09:55Yes, 86.
09:57Uh, there are certain secret devices that have been installed in this apartment, which I
10:01shall now demonstrate for you.
10:02I shall now demonstrate for you.
10:07This is one of them.
10:11You mean to tell me that you came here without the invisible ray gun and you expect me to believe
10:15that such a silly gun exists?
10:17Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid you're going to have to show me.
10:20You see, I'm from Minnesota.
10:21You mean Missouri.
10:23Missouri.
10:24Don't tell me where I'm from.
10:27The chaos agents have just entered Max's apartment, Chief.
10:29It looks to me like they didn't even bring the ray gun with them.
10:32Now, Max is stalling.
10:34He's trying to get as much information as he can.
10:36Gentlemen, I'm afraid that your guns are useless.
10:39You see, there is an invisible wall between us.
10:41Go ahead, shoot.
10:46The bullets will merely bounce off.
10:48You'll simply be wasting your ammunition.
10:50Now, I don't care to discuss it any further.
11:01Unless, of course, we discuss it at your place.
11:06The chaos agents are taking Max to their hideout, Chief.
11:09I'm going to hang up now and follow them.
11:11I'll check in later.
11:12Oh, don't worry.
11:13I'll be careful.
11:25Welcome, Mr. Smart.
11:27So good of you to come.
11:30My name is Erling.
11:31I'd like you to meet some of my associates.
11:34Colonel von Kruger.
11:35V. Gates.
11:37Danke.
11:38And Dr. E.K. Gambini.
11:39V. Peter, Sr. Smart.
11:42Welcome to our humble hideout.
11:44But, John, now what's all this Tommy rot about invisibility?
11:55There's nobody there.
11:56On the contrary, they are very much there.
12:00Just invisible.
12:01Please, Mr. Smart, sit down.
12:13Is there anybody there?
12:19Sophie, offer our guest a cigarette.
12:23Sophie?
12:23Sophie?
12:23Cigarette, Mr. Smart?
12:29Uh, yes, thank you.
12:33If there's anything else you want, just ask.
12:37Perhaps I see you're smart with like some wine.
12:44A splendid suggestion.
12:46I'll choose it myself.
12:48Excuse me.
12:53Now that we're alone, I want to give you a last chance to give yourselves up.
12:57There's still time for you to take your place in society as normal, decent, invisible men and women.
13:04Excellent, excellent.
13:12Your wire pulling is precise and your voices are superb.
13:15Keep it up.
13:16The lighting is perfect.
13:18The wires can hardly be seen, even by me.
13:23Kruger and Gambini, you'll never get away with this mad scheme.
13:26Would you like some hors d'oeuvre, Mr. Smart?
13:30Uh, yes, Sophie.
13:31As a matter of fact, I would.
13:32Now listen, Sophie.
13:39If you'll turn over the ray gun to me, I'll see that you get off lightly.
13:42How about it?
13:43Here are your hors d'oeuvre, Mr. Smart.
13:53Well, the least you could do is wear a strong perfume, Sophie.
13:56Would you say something, Mr. Smart?
13:58Ah, here we are.
14:01We'll have some wine.
14:03And then settle on to business.
14:05Sophie, some glasses, please.
14:11Watch out.
14:14Watch out.
14:17Who came in?
14:18Uh, uh-huh.
14:20Very clever, Mr. Ehrlich, but not quite clever enough.
14:24You had me fooled for a while, but now I'm wise to you.
14:27There is no Sophie and there is no Gambini.
14:30There isn't?
14:31No, because Colonel Kruger over there is a ventriloquist.
14:35Come, come, Mr. Smart.
14:41Tell me, where is the money?
14:44There'll be no money, Mr. Ehrlich.
14:45Not until I'm firmly convinced.
14:48So far, I haven't received one shred of evidence that a ray gun exists that can make people invisible.
14:53What about us, Mr. Smart?
14:57Uh, yes.
14:58Well, uh, you could have been born invisible.
15:01Ehrlich.
15:02Show him the ray gun.
15:04But, uh, do as I say.
15:09All right.
15:14Here it is, Mr. Smart.
15:16Uh-huh.
15:18How does it work?
15:19Well, very simply, this dial governs the intensity of the ray, this dial governs the duration of the invisibility.
15:26Let's say five minutes, then one turns that dial and it's on.
15:29Simple, isn't it?
15:30Yes, I suppose so, as far as ray guns go.
15:33Why don't you try it on me, Ehrlich, then maybe I might believe you.
15:35Oh, no, Mr. Smart.
15:37We're not as foolish as that.
15:39Oh, how foolish are you?
15:40If I turn the ray on you, presto, you disappear, we lose a valuable prisoner.
15:45Sophie, what are you doing?
15:46Oh!
15:49Ah, an old trick, Ehrlich, but it worked.
15:56Now I'm as invisible as the rest of you.
15:58Now I have the upper hand.
16:03But I can see my upper hand.
16:07And I can see my lower hand.
16:10Why, I can see all of me.
16:12Ehrlich, the ray gun was a phony and so are you.
16:15Well, uh, of course you can see yourself, uh, Senior Smart.
16:20We can all see ourselves.
16:22But nobody else can see us.
16:24That's right.
16:25Only you can see yourself, Mr. Smart, uh, wherever you are.
16:31Don't let him escape.
16:34Don't leave me, Mr. Smart.
16:35We have so much to talk about.
16:39Together.
16:40No, leave me alone!
16:42Hey, come on.
16:42No!
16:44What is she doing here, you fool?
16:46She got away.
16:47Don't worry, 99, it's me, Max.
16:49Max, I'm here to protect you.
16:50You're perfectly safe.
16:51Even though you can't see me, I'll protect you.
16:53Tell me about Max.
16:54I can see you.
16:55Yes, of course you can see me, but I can't see myself.
16:57No, wait a minute.
17:00I can see myself, but you can't...
17:03Myself?
17:04I...
17:05Wait right here.
17:09Uh, how does that go again, Ehrlich?
17:11I can see myself.
17:12Enough!
17:13You had to let her escape.
17:14Now, out, out!
17:16All right, Mr. Smart.
17:18Now you realize this whole thing is a hoax.
17:21That we have no invisibility ray gun.
17:23That there is no Gambini.
17:25No Kruger.
17:26Of course!
17:28Sophie is the ventriloquist.
17:29I was the ventriloquist, Mr. Smart.
17:32Obviously, they've been deceiving you, Max.
17:34Yes, uh, but fortunately, I found out just in time
17:38why they've been using, uh, uh, wires and, uh, a loudspeaker system.
17:43Exactly, Mr. Smart.
17:45You have?
17:47Well, what about Haskell?
17:48He's our associate.
17:50Oh.
17:51But my apartment!
17:52How did you arrange my apartment?
17:54Just this briefcase.
17:55Mr. Smart.
17:57With built-in stereo speakers for the pre-recorded tapes of the voices of my invisible companions.
18:05I will shoot you and my associate will take care of the doctor.
18:08That's right.
18:09But the gun!
18:10How did you manage the gun?
18:11Watch.
18:13You look closely, Mr. Smart.
18:15You can see the wires that attach the gun to a control mechanism, which I operate.
18:22But I can see those wires perfectly.
18:23Now you can see them.
18:25But late at night, when the lights are low, and you're open to suggestion, because you are tired.
18:31Very tired.
18:32Enough!
18:32All right, Mr. Smart.
18:35Tell us, where is the money?
18:37Well, Arlick, you leave me no choice.
18:40I suppose we'll have to take you to my apartment.
18:43Control is scheduled to call me there at exactly 9 p.m.
18:46Now, if they are assured that 99 and I are perfectly safe, then and only then will they reveal where the money is planted.
18:53Let's go, Mr. Smart.
18:55Let's go.
18:55All right, Smart.
19:03That phone had better start ringing.
19:04It's two minutes until nine.
19:06Oh, is it that late?
19:07No wonder I'm so hungry.
19:09Hey, I've got a great idea.
19:10There's a little Chinese restaurant about three blocks from here.
19:12Look around, Pastor.
19:13I'm going to give the signal now.
19:15What are you whispering about?
19:16Oh, I was just telling 99 that I was going to have a cigarette.
19:25Anybody got a light?
19:48Anybody got some flint?
19:53Haskell, what time is it?
19:55One and a half minutes to nine.
19:59Keep looking at your watch.
20:01I want to know exactly when to kill Mr. Smart.
20:04Max, while we're waiting, why don't we all have a little drink?
20:08No, I'm not thirsty, 99.
20:10Oh, Max.
20:17Yes, that might be a good idea.
20:19Mr. Ehrlich, how about a little scotch?
20:22I think perhaps I will.
20:25There you are.
20:28How about a little soda?
20:30Well, yes.
20:31Perhaps not.
20:34Hey.
20:38Think you're going to like that.
20:41It's a real pepper-ooper.
20:43One minute to go.
20:45Does he have to keep giving the time?
20:47Time is running out, Mr. Smart.
20:50Uh, Max, maybe Mr. Ehrlich could use a little more light.
20:53Huh?
20:54It seems a little dark over here by the desk.
20:59Uh, yes.
21:00The desk.
21:03What are you doing?
21:04Uh, I was just going to make the room a little more cheerful.
21:07Oh.
21:11Just don't try anything smart.
21:1230 seconds.
21:23There goes Big Ben again.
21:26There's the button.
21:28Mm-hmm.
21:28The button with the thing.
21:29Oh.
21:31Uh, Mr. Ehrlich, how about a refill?
21:34Yes, I think I will.
21:36All right, Mr. Smart.
21:43That net was meant for me.
21:45What net?
21:46That net.
21:47A clumsy trap that didn't work.
21:49Funny you should put it that way.
21:52Smart, your time is up.
21:55Now, wait a minute, Ehrlich.
21:57Haskell over here is the timekeeper.
21:59Haskell, what time is it?
22:00Nine o'clock.
22:01Okay, my time is up.
22:03Now, wait a minute, gentlemen.
22:06You win.
22:06I lied about the phone call.
22:08The money has been here all the time.
22:09Where?
22:10Well, I'll take you to it.
22:11It's in the chimney.
22:12I'll get it myself.
22:14I don't think he trusts me, Haskell.
22:17Just in case you have any more of your clumsy tricks.
22:20A fireplace is an excellent place to hide weapons.
22:22Here, keep him covered.
22:24Sit down, Spout.
22:36Good work, 86.
22:46Thank you, 99.
22:47Well, we've captured Ehrlich and Haskell,
22:48we've saved the government $10 million,
22:50and we've beaten chaos again.
22:52That's right, 99.
22:53But there's one thing that really makes me happy.
22:54What's that, 86?
22:56I think Ehrlich's hat will just fit the chief.
22:58Well, that just about wraps it up, 99.
23:09Haskell and Ehrlich are on their way to prison.
23:11The chief likes Ehrlich's hat.
23:13And once again, the forces of virtue
23:15have triumphed over the forces of rottenness.
23:18Max, what would you have done
23:19if the chimney fan hadn't worked?
23:21Ah, I still had one ace up my sleeve, 99.
23:24You see this chair over here?
23:26Uh-huh.
23:27Well, inside this chair is a device
23:29which, when activated,
23:31releases a highly potent sleeping gas.
23:33That's marvelous.
23:34How does it work?
23:35Well, it's really quite simple, 99.
23:37You mainly take both hands
23:38and press them down on the arms of the chair.
23:41Then you take both feet
23:42and press them on the floor
23:43while pushing back against this cushion,
23:46at the same time releasing a switch behind this table.
23:50Then the gas comes out of the ventilating system.
23:52Here, I'll show you.
23:55See?
23:56There it is.
23:57Oh.
23:58Oh, Max.
24:00Oh.
24:02I think we can make it to the door.
24:09I think we can make it to the floor.
24:24I think we can make it to the floor.
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