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Mom Crystale has a list of issues with her family. She can't forgive her long-time boyfriend for cheating, accept her daughter's sexuality or be affectionate to her sons. Everyone's on edge. Can Jo get through to Crystale and bring this family together?
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00:00Every family has a framed portrait.
00:03But behind that photo lies the real truth.
00:06Turn down.
00:08Mom.
00:09Get out of here.
00:10Why are all these pencils in the garbage?
00:12They're doing the work.
00:13Why? Just because they don't have erasers
00:14doesn't mean they can't be used.
00:15You want to control everything.
00:17This time, can you do it the right way?
00:19I don't remember these family conversations.
00:20There's a lot of things that you don't remember.
00:21It's not hard to forget.
00:22You don't remember all the times that you cheated on me.
00:26You don't trust him in your relationship?
00:27No.
00:28The choice was mine.
00:30I would tell her to stay.
00:32That is how it was.
00:34Yes, it is.
00:35You, you just said.
00:36Yes, that is what you said.
00:37You don't like the fact that I am gay.
00:39I don't like when she acts like a boy
00:41because she's not my son.
00:43She's my daughter.
00:51You don't have any respect when you talk to people.
00:54Because I haven't learned to be disrespectful.
00:56Hold on a moment.
00:57You need to grow up.
00:58You cannot keep holding this whole house to hostage
01:03because you cannot make up your mind.
01:08Behind the portrait is the truth.
01:10And I'm here to deal with the truth.
01:12So I've been asked here to Cypress in California to help a family.
01:25It's not a traditional family.
01:27Chris and Christelle have been together for seven and a half years.
01:30They're not married.
01:31My name is Christelle Coburn.
01:32My name is Christopher Hunter.
01:34I met Chris about a little over seven years ago.
01:37When I met Chris, I already had two children.
01:39Darian was four.
01:41Astoria was 12.
01:42After a few years of being together, we had a child of our own, Troy Beyond.
01:48Chris and Christelle have a broken down relationship.
01:53Our relationship today is unstable.
01:55We can't have a civil conversation.
01:57It always turns into an argument.
01:59I have a problem with her attitude.
02:00I've been telling for years, I don't know you.
02:03And the Chris that you are now, I don't like.
02:05I fell in love with the old Chris.
02:08So here's the situation with the kids.
02:10We have Darian, who's a teenager.
02:13He doesn't feel like he connects with his mom.
02:16Why haven't you, um, vacuumed your room?
02:22Uh, yeah.
02:28Huh?
02:29It doesn't?
02:30Are you serious?
02:32I don't really feel like that much of a connection.
02:34She's my mom and everything, but she doesn't act like it kind of.
02:38Basically, live with my room.
02:40Just to avoid it.
02:41My mom's anger.
02:42It just feels pretty bad.
02:43My relationship with my son Darian is touch and go.
02:47Last time my mom said that she loved me was probably about when I was eight.
02:51The oldest daughter's in her twenties.
02:53She has come out as a lesbian, and she doesn't feel supported by her mother.
02:58It's pretty dope, right?
03:00Had to make this a little bigger, you know?
03:02I thought it was dope.
03:03Thanks for killing my dreams.
03:04It makes me angry.
03:05Like, I can't express to you, I can't talk to you about any of it, because it's uncomfortable.
03:17She's a lesbian, you know?
03:19I've learned to deal with that.
03:20I'm okay with it, in a sense.
03:22You know, I've accepted her for who she is.
03:24Like, she'll try to play it off and be like, oh, no, you know, I accept her.
03:29You know, I deal with it, you know?
03:30But no.
03:31No.
03:32She's not okay with it.
03:33I know she's not.
03:34Is that all you want to show me?
03:36All right.
03:37Yeah.
03:38Like, all I want my mom to do is be happy, you know?
03:42And you can tell she's not happy.
03:44She's not happy at all.
03:45She's just angry inside.
03:46She's been like this ever since, you know, I was little.
03:49Like, she's been like this.
03:51There's no emotional connection between both mom and Astoria, but a hell of a lot of anger
03:56and resentment and hostility in this family dynamic.
04:00So I guess it's up to me to go in and actually find out exactly what's going on.
04:06We're gonna have a problem, so we're gonna dip it in the butt before it happens.
04:09You need to go turn that Xbox off.
04:22Hello.
04:23Hello.
04:24Hi, Jo.
04:25Nice to meet you.
04:26Nice to meet you.
04:27Please come in.
04:29So here.
04:30I'm here.
04:31Finally.
04:32Want to introduce you to my family.
04:33Yes.
04:34Why not?
04:35This is my daughter Astoria.
04:36Hi Astoria.
04:37Pleasure to meet you.
04:38Pleasure.
04:39My son Darian.
04:40Hi Darian.
04:41Pleasure to meet you.
04:42Pleasure.
04:43And this is Trey Bion.
04:44Hi Trey.
04:45Pleasure to meet you.
04:46Nice to meet you.
04:47Hi.
04:48And this is Chris.
04:49Hi Chris.
04:50Hello.
04:51Hi.
04:52Pleasure to meet you.
04:53Pleasure.
04:54I mean, I'm here to help you all as a family.
04:56Yes.
04:57So I'm just gonna kind of hang out and, you know, if I need to ask questions I will.
05:01Chris, I mean, I know you're sort of focused on the television there, but obviously you've
05:05asked me to come here and help you.
05:07Feel free to do what you guys would normally do.
05:09Uh-huh.
05:10You know, during the day.
05:11You know, the more insight, the more it helps me.
05:13Okay.
05:14To be able to help you.
05:15Okay.
05:16Sounds great.
05:17Thanks.
05:18Oh, look.
05:19How much that's spread out in there.
05:24Why are all these pencils in the garbage?
05:25Why?
05:26Just because they don't have a racer.
05:27It doesn't mean they can't be used.
05:28I told you you did.
05:29It was homework time.
05:30Yes, I did.
05:31I can break down the stairs.
05:32Yeah.
05:33I know Trey's TV is on.
05:34She's been sitting on for the last couple of hours.
05:41Who generally cooks and does the sort of primary care work, yourself or Christelle?
05:59I guess, um, it's up in the air.
06:03It depends on who feels like cooking.
06:05Do you both work in sync with knowing what you both are doing when you're both at home?
06:10No.
06:11She wants to do everything, and then now it's kind of hard for her to rein back.
06:15Right.
06:16And then let, you know, the other partner help out.
06:18What are some of the things that you would like to do then?
06:21Finances.
06:22You know, let me handle the finances.
06:24Is it over that money that you go and get, or...?
06:26Yes.
06:27So where does that money go?
06:28Right to Christelle.
06:29So then you hand that money over to Christelle, and then she takes care of all the bills.
06:33Correct.
06:34Does she trust you with the money?
06:35No.
06:36All right.
06:37That gives me some idea.
06:42Hi.
06:43Hi.
06:44So I was just asking Chris about how you work together as parents and the responsibilities that you share.
06:52And it would seem from his standpoint that he doesn't have any control over any finances.
06:57I don't feel like he handles finances very well.
07:01He'll get paid, go out and start buying stuff that he thinks that he needs or wants or whatever.
07:07Like materialistic stuff?
07:08Yeah.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Right.
07:11That we get married.
07:12That's going to tie me to all of his debt.
07:14And...
07:15So that's...
07:16Is that the reason why you choose not to marry him?
07:17That's part of the reason, plus a lot of infidelity and trust issues.
07:21So, I mean, there's an array of things.
07:23Right.
07:24Okay.
07:25I mean, trust in every area then.
07:27You don't trust him financially.
07:28Yeah.
07:29You don't trust him in your relationship.
07:31Mm-mm.
07:32Where are you right now then?
07:34I feel like I'm living with a roommate.
07:36If that's the case, I can get a roommate.
07:38So you don't believe that he loves you.
07:39You don't believe that he wants to be with you because he's been promiscuous, because there's been infidelity.
07:44Mm-mm.
07:45And so, how could you believe anything other?
07:48Yeah.
07:49Well, I mean, he always tells me, you know, you never let anything go.
07:51He used to give me time limits.
07:53You're going to get over this by this date.
07:55And I said, you're not going to give me no time limit.
07:57You know, you're not the one that was hurt by this.
07:58I was the one that was hurt by this.
07:59So you're not going to tell me how long it's going to take for me to heal.
08:02Right.
08:03Okay.
08:04Have you forgiven him?
08:05No.
08:06I haven't.
08:07Okay.
08:08All right.
08:09I will mosey around still.
08:10Okay.
08:11Thanks for the chat.
08:12No problem.
08:15Mom's lack of decision-making with where she's at in this relationship
08:21has led her to behave in a very controlling, stifling manner.
08:25You can feel it.
08:26You can feel it.
08:27You can cut the tension with a knife in there.
08:30You really can.
08:31There's no love.
08:34I wanted to have a conversation with all of you for now,
08:38because I want to be able to mediate a healthy conversation.
08:43So who would like to start the ball rolling?
08:50I guess I'll start.
08:51If you're angry at somebody, you shouldn't take it out on everybody else.
08:55That causes a household problem.
08:57It's where everybody's feeling bad and everybody's mad.
08:59You mean when she's upset with you or you mean when she's upset about what?
09:03Like, if she gets in a fight with Chris, she'll take it out on everybody else.
09:06When I'm upset, the best thing to do is to leave me alone,
09:09and you guys don't know how to do that.
09:11We do that a lot.
09:12Like, we'll go upstairs or something, and then you'll bring it to us.
09:16Is that true to be said?
09:17Yeah, sometimes I do.
09:18Why?
09:19Um, they don't talk to me in a calm voice.
09:24Both of them, I always have to tell them, tone your voice down.
09:26You're not going to disrespect me. I'm your mother.
09:28Every time we try to, you know, explain to her how we're feeling,
09:31she'll just talk over you.
09:33You'll be in the middle of telling her how you're feeling.
09:35She'll be like, okay, well, blah, blah, and she'll just, like,
09:37literally just cut you off and say what she has to say.
09:40Are you aware of that?
09:41Sometimes, because I'll be talking, and she'll interrupt me,
09:44and she wants to take over the conversation
09:46and talk to me very loud and very disrespectful,
09:49and she always comes back with the fact, I'm grown.
09:53I should be able to do what I want, and I don't care if you like it or not.
09:56This is me. Deal with it.
09:58Do you accept who she is?
10:00As a person, do you accept her sexuality, too?
10:04I accept her.
10:05I just don't accept everything that comes with it.
10:08Hold on a minute.
10:09You accept a part of her, but not all of her?
10:12Yeah, I guess you'd say that.
10:13Then, basically, we're not accepting the fact
10:14that she's a lesbian then.
10:18I know I was a bad man in the beginning.
10:20She doesn't forgive me.
10:21You cannot keep this whole house hostage,
10:25because you cannot make up your mind.
10:35Do you accept who she is as a person?
10:38Do you accept her sexuality, too?
10:40I accept her.
10:42I just don't accept everything that comes with it.
10:44Hold on a minute.
10:45You accept a part of her, but not all of her?
10:48Yeah, I guess you'd say that.
10:49Then, basically, we're not accepting the fact
10:50that she's a lesbian then.
10:52Then I guess not.
11:00When did you come out?
11:01Astoria, when did you, you know, say to your parents,
11:04hey, you know, want to share this with you?
11:0613?
11:0713.
11:08She just told me it's a phase.
11:10You're just trying to fit in.
11:11You're only doing it because your friends are over here doing it.
11:14If I look at a girl, like, if I'm out,
11:16I don't even say nothing.
11:17I'll just look.
11:18She'll be like, please don't do that while you're out with me.
11:20I just don't like the fact when she acts like a boy,
11:24because she's not my son.
11:25She's my daughter.
11:31Dee, I'm going to ask you, can you take a walk?
11:34I need to have an adult conversation, basically,
11:37with Chris and your mom.
11:38Cheers.
11:39I'm clearly seeing that there's a lot of projection
11:43going on to these kids.
11:45Right now, they are living in a very unhealthy,
11:49toxic environment.
11:52And there's, obviously, a problem here.
11:56Mm-hmm.
11:57So what's going on?
11:59There's no more trust in the relationship no more.
12:02Where's that come from?
12:03From me.
12:04I cheated on Crystal in the beginning.
12:06How did you move beyond that?
12:08Because, obviously, you're both here.
12:09I apologize for my infidelity, and I asked her to stay with me.
12:13She said yes.
12:14Did your behavior continue?
12:15No.
12:16Why are you in this relationship?
12:18I love Crystal, and I want to make things work.
12:20I know I was a bad man in the beginning.
12:22I take full responsibility for who she is now,
12:25because I did that to her.
12:27Do you trust him now?
12:30Not completely.
12:31Just say no.
12:32There's a part of me that does.
12:33No.
12:34She doesn't forgive me.
12:35So I know that.
12:36So I know I got a long way to go if I ever get that trust back.
12:39I always feel like time's going to take care of everything.
12:41Uh-oh.
12:42Trust me.
12:43Time doesn't.
12:44Homework does.
12:45Doing the work.
12:46Mm-hmm.
12:47And that's the thing.
12:48I feel that it should be a team effort.
12:49But you're both not doing it.
12:50You go and carry on and do what you do.
12:52You don't forgive.
12:53You don't want to trust.
12:54And then you sit there power tripping with one another.
12:56You're controlling.
12:57You're not believing.
12:58I think you're a little bit delusioned, the pair of you.
13:01I really do think you are.
13:02This is not love.
13:03It's disrespect.
13:08Do you want to make a decision to stay in this relationship?
13:13And are you prepared to do what is necessary to be able to move forward?
13:18Are you willing to give this man another chance?
13:21That's out of your control.
13:23If you make a decision to move forward, then you've got to stop some of the behavior that we're seeing right now.
13:30It has to stop.
13:32Because you cannot keep holding this whole house to hostage because you cannot make up your mind.
13:42And so I will come back tomorrow an evil way whether we are moving forward in this committed relationship or not.
13:51We will do what we need to do.
13:57You angry at yourself, Chris?
14:00Yes.
14:01If the choice was mine, I would tell her to stay.
14:08But it's not my choice.
14:10It's not my decision no more.
14:11And if she decides to stay, then I would do everything in my power to show her how committed I am to her.
14:20And rejoicing how she's going to stay in my life forever.
14:27Decisions have to be made.
14:32The kids are suffering.
14:34They're in this environment, this anger, this hostility, day in and day out.
14:42And they just cannot as a family stay in limbo anymore.
14:47I really could not tell you which way this is going to go.
14:54I really can't.
15:00I need to know today from Christelle whether they're moving forward together as a family or whether they're not.
15:05And that starts today.
15:09Okay.
15:11So, obviously, last night I left you with much thought and decisions to be made.
15:17Do you have any questions for each other?
15:20I have a lot of questions.
15:21My questions are going to make my determination.
15:24They are?
15:25Okay.
15:26Why don't you face each other, then?
15:27So you can ask those questions.
15:28So I had to write everything down because I have so many questions.
15:31My first question is, why do you want to stay together?
15:35Because I love you.
15:36I mean, there's no qualms about that.
15:39When I'm with you, I'm a better man.
15:41Okay.
15:43Are you going to start showing me that you love me?
15:46Because that hasn't happened for quite some time.
15:48Yes.
15:49I mean, I guess it is not an excuse.
15:51If you allow me to be a man, I can be a man.
15:53But if you take that away from me, I don't feel like a man.
15:56But yet, when it comes to the manly responsibilities,
16:00you complain about doing it.
16:02You complain about taking care of your family.
16:04You don't appreciate the fact that you have a family.
16:07Well, I guess that's where we have a misunderstanding at,
16:09because you think I'm always complaining when I'm not.
16:11You complain about paying the bills.
16:13You want to control everything.
16:14You don't allow me that consideration to do those things.
16:19With that and just a minute.
16:20It seems like you're trying to blame me, though.
16:21Just a minute. No.
16:22This is why I say you don't let me in.
16:25We have several times.
16:26That's funny, because I don't remember these,
16:27I don't remember these family conversations.
16:28There's a lot of things that you don't remember.
16:29Crystal, it's not hard to forget.
16:30You don't remember all the times that you cheated on me.
16:34So I'm actually going to ask you both with your eyes closed
16:38to make a decision.
16:40You're either in or you're out.
16:43When you're mad at me, you're a different person,
16:44and you're telling me everything I did wrong.
16:45I know I did a lot of stuff wrong.
16:46So can I truly trust you this time that you'll be committed to me and only?
17:00Just only you can answer that.
17:02Only you.
17:03If you let me breathe, only you can answer that, because I could say yes, but you are not going
17:08to believe that in your heart.
17:11You're not going to believe that.
17:12I just need to know from you.
17:14So I've got witnesses here.
17:16He's just said, only you can make that decision.
17:20Only you can make that decision.
17:22But he can tell me if he feels.
17:24Only you can make that decision.
17:25He's told you time and time again.
17:27So if he tells you the same now, only you can still make that decision.
17:30OK.
17:31So if you want to be the man, step up and start doing the manly things.
17:37Do you know how to?
17:38Yes, I do.
17:39Apparently not.
17:40Do you know how to?
17:41Yes.
17:42Do you think, honestly, right now, you know and have the skill sets of what is necessary
17:47in being able to do that?
17:48Yes.
17:49Do you believe, as a man, that you have been taught to be able to give these children
17:57what they need?
17:58No, I haven't been taught those skills.
18:00Are you prepared to learn?
18:01Yes, I am.
18:02I mean, I've never admitted that I knew everything.
18:05Give me your face side to side.
18:08OK.
18:19I'm going to ask you both to do this with your eyes shut.
18:23So I'm actually going to ask you both with your eyes closed to make a decision.
18:28There is one box that moves you forward in this decision.
18:33And if you are out, you step aside and there is a box each to your side to do that.
18:40So you're either in or you're out.
18:43Standing in the box, just thinking, you know, should I move forward or should I move to the side?
18:51I didn't know what I was going to do.
18:53You know, am I ready for this change?
18:55And I was scared.
18:56I was terrified.
18:57On the count of three.
18:59One.
19:00Two.
19:01Three.
19:02One.
19:03Two.
19:04Three.
19:12Please open your eyes.
19:16How do you feel right now?
19:19I know it's going to be a bumpy road, but it's a road that I'm willing to take with conditions.
19:28How are you feeling right now?
19:29I'm scared.
19:34Thank you for your honesty, because that's what we're looking for.
19:40This is a good sign they both want to be able to do this.
19:42So I am very excited about going back into this house and actually teaching both these parents what they need in order to be able to come together.
19:51There's lots that they need to sort out.
19:53Let's go sit over here with you kids.
19:54I think, um, well if I may first, I mean, I want to apologize for what I've done to you guys.
20:04Uh, not being there for you emotionally.
20:07That's the first thing I want to say, and then second, um, me and mother made a decision that we want to work this out.
20:13We want to make this a positive environment for you guys, for all three of you.
20:17We want to make sure that, um, you guys are loved by myself and your mother.
20:25Bye, Chris.
20:26We love you guys.
20:27I want to make sure you know that.
20:35Mom?
20:36He's not your biological father, but he has been here for so many years.
20:43And if we're going to be together, I feel that he needs to play that role.
20:47Oh, hold on a minute.
20:48Sorry.
20:49Can you just talk about yourself?
20:50Mom, I just need to have a quick word with you.
21:00Who are you?
21:01Their mother.
21:02Who are you?
21:03Their mother.
21:04Mm-hmm.
21:05Yeah.
21:06A loving, caring person.
21:07Yeah.
21:08Mm-hmm.
21:09Do you know what he looks like on the outside?
21:12Unhappy?
21:13I know I don't look like a happy person.
21:15Goodness.
21:16Goodness.
21:17Oh, I know.
21:22I've been asking myself for a long time, who am I?
21:25What have I become?
21:27How many times have you cried?
21:30Probably a handful, a couple of handfuls.
21:33Mm-hmm.
21:34I've been a big crier.
21:35You don't need to be tough.
21:36Right now, these kids from you need to find something that's been locked away for a really
21:42long time.
21:43It's not something I can just pull out of a hat right now.
21:46It is.
21:47It's something that needs to be worked on.
21:48No, it is.
21:49No, it is.
21:50I was raised by my grandparents.
21:53I wasn't shown love growing up.
21:55Mm-hmm.
21:56Why?
21:59I have no idea.
22:01It's always treated like the black sheep.
22:03As bad as it sounds, I only know how to be touchy-feely when my kids are little.
22:13When they get a certain, I just don't.
22:16Maybe because that's when everything started with me.
22:18When was the last time you were held?
22:19When was the last time you were held?
22:20When was the last time you were held?
22:21When was the last time?
22:22As a kid.
22:23I can't tell you.
22:25I was punished all the time.
22:32But you don't want that with your own children.
22:35I mean, you know...
22:36No.
22:37You know that it's...
22:38I've tried not to be that person.
22:40But you are that person, right?
22:42I've turned into that person.
22:43I used to not be that person.
22:45Well, the kids grew up.
22:48And then there was no contact.
22:50Because when children are little, they climb all over you.
22:52They touch you.
22:53They cut you when they get a little bit older.
22:55It's about you reaching out to them.
22:58Deep down, you're a woman who wants to be loved and wants to give love.
23:03And was denied that as a young child.
23:08Where you are in this space right now is the woman that I want to see.
23:14Because I know you do have it in you.
23:16I'm just...
23:17I've always had to play the tough role in my life.
23:20You don't need her now.
23:22When you made that step forward, you don't need her now.
23:26I want you to feel uncomfortable with being physically that close to your kids.
23:33We need to be able to put some love back in this house.
23:36We do.
23:37Because there isn't any in that way, you know?
23:40And that's what you deserve to have.
23:43And you can start with giving me a hug.
23:48You're easy.
23:49I've never had problems with you.
23:50You have the power to change that.
23:52Nobody else.
23:53So, I want to try to make this work.
24:04I want to be a better mother than what I've been.
24:08Try to show less anger.
24:11And I just want you guys to know that I'm working on it.
24:15It's going to take some time.
24:16It's not going to happen overnight.
24:18We just want to see you happy.
24:20You know?
24:21Like, we want to get to know you.
24:22Like, we really don't know much about you.
24:24You don't really let us in.
24:25You know?
24:26Like, what it is that makes you happy.
24:27Because we do care.
24:28You know?
24:29Why don't you stand up for a moment, the pair of you.
24:35Okay.
24:36Darren, you can stand here.
24:38Okay.
24:39And you can stand here.
24:42And, well, I'll kneel here.
24:45Okay?
24:46This is the exercise called cuddle time.
24:48And we don't stop cuddling until I say stop.
24:51Okay?
24:52Stop.
24:53It was uncomfortable for me.
24:54You know, that's something I've got to get used to because I didn't get that kind of love and affection growing up.
25:05I have to tell myself this is a new relationship, a new beginning.
25:09Let's start fresh.
25:10And it's going to be hard for me not to, you know, try to grasp the old stuff and bring it into the new stuff.
25:16So, it's going to be difficult.
25:19Family hug.
25:20Uh, guys.
25:21Tomorrow's another day.
25:23Parenting skills need to be discussed tomorrow.
25:26And mom needs to be able to have a serious conversation with Astoria about her sexuality.
25:32What I'm really hoping is that we can have some fun.
25:36I want to see some laughter.
25:38Let's just let our hair down and have some fun together as a family.
25:42Please?
25:51So, yesterday was a big day because both parents had made a decision to move forward.
25:58But today's a fresh day and I'm going to be working with mom and Astoria because I believe that Astoria has a lot to say to mom.
26:06The conversation went a little bit ropey for me the other day and certainly me feeling that there wasn't a complete acceptance really of Astoria's sexuality.
26:17I think we need more clarity here.
26:19I'd like to hand that over to you really.
26:21It kind of hurts me when I feel like you don't accept me.
26:26You make it a point to make sure that you let me know that you don't like the fact that I am gay.
26:32I don't care about you being gay.
26:34I don't care who you're with.
26:36I just don't like the clothing and the way that you're acting like a man sometimes.
26:48That's what bothers me.
26:49I'm not playing a role.
26:50I'm not acting.
26:51I'm not in a movie.
26:52I'm not just doing it because it's to fit in.
26:55I'm doing it because this is what I feel inside.
26:57It's part of my personality.
26:58It's part of who I am.
27:00I am feminine still, but I am more comfortable in men's clothing.
27:03I like looking at them.
27:04I like the way they make me feel.
27:06I like, you know, what I look like in them.
27:08Like, they express who I am.
27:10Part of her sexuality from what I'm hearing is her masculinity.
27:15You can't change that.
27:16That's who she is.
27:18That's not what I have a problem with.
27:19I don't have a problem.
27:20You do.
27:21I don't have a problem.
27:22You have a problem with her clothes.
27:23I have a problem with the way she wears her clothes.
27:25Why are you so quick to criticize all the time?
27:28You're hostile.
27:29Your face and your tone.
27:31I know this.
27:32You don't have any respect when you talk to people.
27:34Because I have learned to be disrespectful.
27:36Hold on a moment.
27:37No, you made a choice.
27:39Let's just stand corrected here.
27:41You made a choice.
27:42To disrespect people that are disrespectful to me.
27:44Then you need to grow up.
27:45Then you need to grow up.
27:48Can you leave the room, please?
27:49Can you leave the room?
27:52You love your kids.
27:53Mm-hmm, yeah.
27:54They need to see that.
27:55You've got to stop putting them down.
27:57You've got to know sometimes when to allow them to just be themselves.
28:02So let's just make this a rule of thumb then, okay?
28:06Every day, these children have got to receive some form of physical affection.
28:12Number two, every day, you have got to say something encouraging to every member of your family.
28:24You're going to tell me number three.
28:27Listen.
28:28Just listen.
28:29Don't talk.
28:30Just listen.
28:31I'm a strong person.
28:34I feel that I've got the strength to do this.
28:37And with the kids, I just need to just learn to be more loving, more open to listening.
28:44And just got a whole lot to do.
28:48I'm frustrated.
28:53Like, I'm hurt because it's just like she doesn't see it.
28:57Like, she doesn't see where she's making anybody feel any type of way.
29:01She just sees her way.
29:03I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it should be any easier.
29:07What you're wanting from your mum, she's not giving.
29:11For her to be able to turn around and tell you, I love you.
29:14You're my child.
29:15And to be able to give you that hug and accept you.
29:18You know?
29:19She can't even give that to herself right now.
29:21She cannot give it to herself right now.
29:24She's a woman who's hurt herself.
29:26She's a woman who's emotionally broke herself.
29:33Come here.
29:34Come here.
29:35Come here.
29:36Give me a hug, you.
29:46Dee, have you got any homework?
29:48Yes, he does.
29:49He's got things he's supposed to be working on.
29:51I did.
29:52He wants to argue with me instead of doing it.
29:54I'm not arguing.
29:55When I see him playing, I'm like, what are you doing?
29:57Why aren't you doing work?
29:58I know, but we need to help him.
29:59You're getting, you know, rolled up because he's not doing it.
30:02And then moaning at him, and it doesn't help.
30:04And then it affects your relationship.
30:06So we've got to get a plan underhand with respects to you
30:11becoming more disciplined of when you do those assignments,
30:14Dee.
30:15You know?
30:16So you can get them done, but also be able to go out
30:18and have some fun as well.
30:20When this comes out, log yourself in, please.
30:32Go back out there.
30:34Tell him we can get this done.
30:36Lean over.
30:37A big kiss.
30:39Like it was a five-year-old.
30:41A big kiss like he's a five-year-old.
30:44Even if he goes...
30:45A hug.
30:46No, a kiss.
30:47Asking you to step out your comfort zone.
30:49Kissing is a big step.
30:51The hug.
30:52A hug's a big step.
30:53Good.
30:54Step out your comfort zone.
30:55I know that you are a very bright person.
31:05And I know that you can do this.
31:10Let's get working on some of it, OK?
31:12OK?
31:32Come get me after you get situated.
31:35And we'll work on some stuff.
31:47My biggest goal is to try to get rid of that old, nagging, angry, bitter person that I was and become a nice, kind-hearted, compassionate person.
31:57I really don't think that this family are aware of how much criticism goes on.
32:04I want them to start recognizing the things that are good about each other.
32:09I would like us to get used to encouraging each other and giving us some positive feedback.
32:15All right?
32:16I think it's about time we got kinder in this house.
32:18So part of your homework, you all have a mirror, and each one of you have your own pad.
32:24All right?
32:25You're going to be writing every day something good that you see about the other person and sticking it onto their mirrors.
32:32OK, so I want you to be able to find it in yourselves to focus on the good and to be able to give those compliments to one another,
32:42which I think is incredibly important for you to see what others see in you and for you to be able to see that yourself as well.
32:48I wanted to be able to lighten up the afternoon by doing something, like, really silly.
33:03In these kind of cases, I've got to bring in a lot of fun.
33:07I've got to be able to force that situation just a little bit so that Mom can get outside her head and be very present with her family, enjoying the moment.
33:15OK, so welcome to the world of sumo wrestling.
33:20So who's up for putting the sumo wrestler outfit on first?
33:23I am.
33:32Bend over.
33:33Go like this.
33:40Jump on him.
33:41Get him.
33:42Wrestle.
33:43And you're on your big picture.
33:44That's true.
33:46That's true.
33:47Oh.
33:48Use your feet!
33:54Are you ready to go after me?
33:56Belly box!
34:00Ooh!
34:06Ooh!
34:08So this is nice just to see, you know, the family just coming out and having a little bit of fun with this game,
34:12with this game I've brought out for them.
34:14I'm hoping that they can build on this this afternoon.
34:17And while I'm gone, they'll continue
34:19to do things as a family, because it's
34:21about this family connecting.
34:24I just want to say that, actually, you were just all up
34:26for it, which I loved.
34:28So here's what I'm going to say to you.
34:30Give each other space to breathe, OK, and keep working.
34:33The mirrors, make sure we're using the mirrors,
34:36Astoria and yourself.
34:38Mum, I want to be able to see that quality time together, OK?
34:41Because I feel like what it will do is start to shift
34:44and make you guys come together.
34:45And it's the emotional connections that I want
34:47happening together, OK?
34:49So I will see you in several days, all right?
34:52And in the meantime, knock yourself out.
34:55I forgot you already have.
34:57The key to this family's success all lies on Mum,
35:01because if she's holding up that sword and shield
35:03and she doesn't let anybody in, nothing's going to get better.
35:11That was horrible.
35:13Oh.
35:14Just been gone a few days now, and today,
35:16me and Astoria, we decided that we're going to go fishing.
35:20We don't really usually ever have this opportunity.
35:23So it was nice to finally have an opportunity, just me and her.
35:26Wow.
35:27I wonder how deep this is.
35:29This is something that, you know, she's enjoyed doing
35:31since she was little and has asked me to do it with her.
35:34Haven't done it with her in quite some time.
35:40Why?
35:41Why?
35:42We didn't really catch anything.
35:44I didn't expect to catch anything, so it kind of worked out.
35:48Still had fun.
35:49Still had quality time.
35:50That's all that counts.
35:51It was nice spending the time.
35:53You know, it'd be nice if, you know,
35:55we can start doing this stuff on a regular basis.
35:57So, you know, I'm doing my mirrors every day.
36:02I found it easy to give everybody compliments.
36:08Yeah, the mirrors are good.
36:10I've been doing it.
36:11It feels like we've made progress.
36:13From coming, like, to where everybody insults each other
36:15to where everybody's, like, complimenting each other every day.
36:18I think that everyone's learning something different each day,
36:21and everyone's actually taking that, you know,
36:23the words of wisdom.
36:25Like, everyone's using them each day,
36:27and everyone's growing each day different ways.
36:30We are getting closer with our exercises,
36:34the mirror exercise,
36:35and, you know, I think it spreads closer together.
36:38So, I mean, I think we took leaps and bounds
36:40with that assignment,
36:42and hopefully, you know, every day we'll get to that place
36:45where we're just doing it naturally
36:47instead of just as an exercise.
36:48Chris and I had a date, which was nice.
36:50It was something we both wanted to do for some time
36:51and haven't been able to.
36:52All in all, it ended up being a pretty nice time
36:54for us to get together and actually, um,
36:56spend some time outside the house.
36:57It was great for us to just get out one-on-one,
36:59talk, and just let our hair down.
37:01She was just free, and she was, she was over there.
37:02the old crystal.
37:03It might be something that we start doing
37:04on a regular basis.
37:05So I'm back at the Colburn family house,
37:08and I really wanna go in and find out exactly
37:09how we're going to get together.
37:10It was great for us to just get out one-on-one,
37:12talk, and just let our hair down.
37:15She was just free, and she was, she was old,
37:18the old crystal.
37:19It might be something that we start doing
37:20on a regular basis.
37:30So I'm back at the Colburn family house,
37:32and I really wanna go in and find out exactly
37:34what has gone on whilst I've been away.
37:37Did they connect as a family?
37:40Hello.
37:41Hello.
37:42Hiya.
37:43How you doing?
37:44Fine.
37:45Yeah.
37:46You've been busy.
37:47Look at this.
37:48Cool.
37:49Is this your one?
37:51Yeah.
37:52Wow.
37:53Energetic.
37:55Loved.
37:56Amazing hugs.
37:58Who's been getting your hugs?
38:00Mum?
38:01Yeah.
38:02Yeah.
38:03Where are all the rest of the mirrors?
38:04In everyone's rooms.
38:05I'd love to take a look.
38:06Funny and talented, joyful, passionate.
38:12The whole family made a real concerted effort
38:15with these mirrors.
38:17I mean, they weren't sure on positive things to say
38:20about each other.
38:21This family needed that, you know?
38:23It needed some good words, some positivity, some love.
38:29Can I just say, first and foremost, actually coming up
38:32and taking a look at these mirrors, to see the amount
38:36on those mirrors, perfect.
38:38I couldn't have asked for any better.
38:39What I want you to do is take you from a sticky note on their mirror
38:43to now you articulating that in conversation.
38:47Secondly, I've been away for several days.
38:50What happened when I left?
38:52Did we go out?
38:53Did you spend time together?
38:54I mean, what's been going on?
38:56Story and I attempted to go fishing.
38:58You did?
38:59The two of you?
39:00It was all bad.
39:01I mean, it was good.
39:02We had quality time, but the fishing process,
39:05it was pretty hard.
39:06So the technical part of the going out wasn't so great,
39:11but actually just hanging and being
39:13and going out together was good.
39:15Yeah.
39:16So what I would like...
39:19Oh, did you not have a date?
39:21So tell me about that.
39:22Mum, did we meet the date?
39:25Yeah, I used my mum to her.
39:27Just to see how my mum would go about it.
39:29And she actually like, instead of like how she usually does
39:32when she's busy, she's like, hi.
39:34She was actually like, oh, so, you know, was it a long ride?
39:37You know, did like actually like...
39:39Cool.
39:40Conversating.
39:41Oh, good.
39:42She was so nervous about everything
39:43that it was just kind of, she was giving off pheromones.
39:46I was nervous.
39:47I was really nervous.
39:48It was fun though.
39:50What a result whilst I've been away.
39:53I've seen baby steps forward for the good.
39:56And that's a good sign.
39:57Astoria has felt very promised by mum's behaviour.
40:01I mean, that's a big change from what was in this house.
40:06So, have you seen changes that have been positive?
40:09Uh, mum is giving hugs.
40:12She's been like more thoughtful of everybody.
40:14She'll say a compliment and you'll be like, oh, wow.
40:16Because she's off guard, you know, like the day she gave us a hug,
40:19she's like, get up and give me a hug.
40:21I was like, okay, all right, that's good.
40:25Like, you can tell she's trying.
40:27And how is her relationship with Chris?
40:29Like, she talks to him like he's an adult now
40:31instead of like a child.
40:32Yeah, she was working on that child.
40:34She hasn't really been yelling that much.
40:35All right, good.
40:36I'm pleased to hear with what you have to say
40:38because we're moving forward and making progress.
40:40This is a family that not too long ago were rock bottom.
40:46Mum had so much anger and resentment towards dad.
40:50Chris was just so detached.
40:53We had children that felt like they had no voice.
40:57I feel change in that house.
41:00The tension's not what it used to be.
41:02Crystal, she's cracking a smile.
41:05She's approaching the children different.
41:07That's the beginnings of a family
41:10that will lead to more success.
41:12And that's what I hope for the Colburn family.
41:14It's been a long road, hasn't it?
41:17I think it would be true to say that a lot of you
41:20have probably learned things about yourself
41:22that you need to work on.
41:24So I need you to be patient with one another
41:26and to give each other breathing space
41:29to learn and to get yourself on track.
41:32I walk out this door just hoping that you can do that.
41:35Can I get some love?
41:36Because I would like to give you a nice big squeeze.
41:39OK.
41:41Mwah!
41:42You take care of yourself.
41:43All right?
41:44Give me a hug and a kiss.
41:45Mwah!
41:46This is an absolute pleasure.
41:48Chris!
41:49So I'm honestly here, man.
41:50Serious.
41:51OK?
41:52Take care of your family.
41:53Look after them.
41:54All right.
41:55As I leave, can I ask you all to take a family portrait of yourselves?
41:58Would that be a problem?
41:59Mm-mm.
42:00Take care.
42:01Bye-bye.
42:03Bye!
42:04When I first started this journey, I was probably about 97% sure that I was going to walk away from the situation.
42:13I honestly feel that Joe is what saved us.
42:16Now I know how to be emotionally attached.
42:19Now, you know, we're coming together because we know how to come together.
42:22This family has only really just begun their journey together.
42:26I hope that they take everything that they've been taught and they continue to be committed in being able to move forward and feel much happier.
42:34It's blinking.
42:35It's blinking.
42:36It's blinking.
42:37It's blinking.
43:04It would have a Tree Walk.
43:05It's automatic.
43:06Everything is accelerating the front.
43:07It's blinking.
43:08It's blinking.
43:09It's blinking.
43:10It'seast.
43:11It has been loud enough.
43:12I hope that he wants to think of some reason.
43:13You know what did it seem to pull out.
43:14That's enough.
43:15You know.
43:16You may have this feeling.
43:17You're relative to being misled and unha dishes.
43:19And here, I love you.
43:21Live thatratope would have your temperature for yourself and admiration for yourself.
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