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The Garnett Family believes that the parents should have total control over the music their children listen to, the TV they watch, the websites they visit and the friends they make. One of their son even had to sign a contract to let himself drive! What's the strictest rule your parents have ever imposed you?
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AprendizadoTranscrição
00:00Where are you going? To a pub. To a pub? Yeah. Okay. You're allowed to drink in a pub?
00:20Bye. Sorry? Bye. That's rude. That's not. You want to talk to me? No. That's rude. Okay.
00:27Are you allowed to drink in a pub? Naomi, you're old enough or she's not old enough to drink in a pub, so why ask? It's a bit of an obvious question.
00:3816-year-old Naomi Fish's blatant defiance of the rules has left her mum powerless to control her.
00:44I tried everything from shouting back to taking away privileges like money, telephones, anything I could think of, nothing worked.
00:55Naomi had to sit her GCSEs a year late after being kicked out of school. She's been a law unto herself ever since her parents split up three years ago.
01:04She was just very angry, as I guess you'd expect. She wasn't happy about the situation at all. She wanted us to be a family.
01:12So, like, when they told us and stuff, like, everyone cried, but I'm the kind of person just not to cry to keep my emotions like, but we're done.
01:18But that is basically when things just started going out of control after that.
01:22So what time are you going to be in tonight?
01:24I'm not too sure.
01:25Could you give me a time, please?
01:28Three, four, five.
01:30How about two o'clock?
01:31No.
01:32Yes, please.
01:33No, Mum.
01:34Most of the time, I'll just end up walking out because I can't really be able to argue with her anymore.
01:40If you can't live with someone at all and it's just hell, of course you feel you've failed.
01:45I hope that this trip helps her to communicate with me, communicate with her mother, better than she's been able to up to now.
01:5716-year-old Ross Torrey spends all of his spare time on his computer.
02:09This is my space profile and I couldn't live without it.
02:13Ross goes online every day until the early hours of the morning and his parents are at their wit's end.
02:19Ross will gradually get more and more verbally abusive.
02:23He'll shout, he will swear.
02:25It just gets worse and worse until you eventually give in to him.
02:30A year ago, 16-year-old Ross came out to his parents as gay but turned to the internet to meet other gay teenagers.
02:37I have found boyfriends in my space, found quite a couple.
02:42It's very worrying the fact that he will go and meet people who he's only met through the internet.
02:47We just have to hope that he's being sensible.
02:50Nice and sexy pants.
02:52I'd give you one.
02:53I'd grab your crotch.
02:54Despite his parents' full support, Ross has struggled to control his emotional outbursts.
03:01But Ross, Jessica, is ten years old.
03:03She is.
03:04Why should she be?
03:05No, she doesn't.
03:06And why should she be subjected to continuous swearing?
03:09After he came out, it was as if all the anger came with it.
03:12All of a sudden, he had to live up to this image of being this nasty, sort of bitchy guy.
03:20I just changed myself, changed my appearance, changed everything.
03:24He'll say things like, he would love nothing more than to sit there and watch us burn and die and be in pain.
03:29And then take a photo of it.
03:31Sixth former Ross refuses to lift a finger at home, but still expects his parents to support him financially.
03:38When I go to college, I expect them you to pay me £31 a month for a bus pass.
03:43It doesn't, it doesn't just mean it should.
03:45Shut up.
03:46I'm talking.
03:47Yes, we do pay.
03:48No, I'm talking, I'm talking.
03:50Bus fare for sixth form.
03:52I think he does need to find the real Ross again.
03:56I think he knows the real Ross.
03:58He knows, he knows that person, because he was a happy, really loving child.
04:06Now things are about to change.
04:09Both teens' parents have agreed to send them to America to experience strict parenting first hand.
04:16I'm definitely right at life at home.
04:18It'll be quite as easy as I actually think, and I will miss it a lot.
04:22I'm actually really excited about going to Alabama, now, because, like, packing and stuff, it makes it official, I guess.
04:28I don't know, it's going to be great.
04:32For the next eight days, Ross and Naomi will be away from their friends and family for the first time in their lives.
04:39See you later, yeah?
04:42Don't, because you know you'll get me cry.
04:44Have you got your own husband?
04:45Yes.
04:46Yes.
04:47Goodbye.
04:48Goodbye.
04:49Yes, ma'am.
04:50Bye.
04:52I don't expect him, all of a sudden, to come home and start doing the washing and ironing and things like that.
04:57I do.
04:57I thought it would be nice, but, no, just a few, you know, the please, the thank yous, and a bit of decency.
05:06If she comes back with knowing herself and what she's about to be.
05:10I don't even know where Alabama was till today.
05:13I was like, where is Alabama?
05:15No, I think there was a place called Alabama.
05:17Alabama, wouldn't we talk like this?
05:18Oh, no.
05:20The teens are being sent to Alabama, 4,000 miles away, where they'll be staying with the Garnets, a deeply religious, conservative family.
05:28Satan wants to devour our kids.
05:31He wants to pull them away.
05:32He wants to bring them into darkness.
05:34So it's my job to not let him do that.
05:37Mom, Lynn, is a part-time teacher, and Dad Mark works for a large pharmaceutical company, and they are the proud parents to 16-year-old Hunter, 14-year-old Mitchell, and 12-year-old Heather.
05:49My parents just make sure everything is appropriate for a 12-year-old godly girl before I go and do anything.
05:55You put your thumb in your neck right here, and you put your hand down. If your shirt comes below that, then it's probably too short.
06:01This is the driving contract that my dad wrote up for me. It has 15 rules on there, what I should and should not do when I'm driving in the car.
06:11In the Garnett household, there are no locks on the doors. The parents feel it's their right to control every aspect of their children's lives.
06:19We don't want our kids to lose their innocence before it's time.
06:22They dictate the music they listen to.
06:24We just kind of go through his songs and see what he's got, and there's sometimes when I say, you know what, I heard a word in that song, buddy. It's off. Let's get it off.
06:32They control the TV they watch and know all their children's internet passwords.
06:37Someone's going to raise them. It's either going to be MTV in my space, or it's going to be Mark and Lynn. I choose Mark and Lynn.
06:44The Garnetts absolutely believe their unique style of parenting could make a difference to the British teenagers' lives.
06:52I'd like for them to be able to see that, you know what, here's a family that loves each other unconditionally, that has fun, and they do it, you know, based on biblical principles and biblical laws, and they're not a bunch of fuddy-duddies.
07:04After a nine-hour flight, Naomi and Ross touch down in America.
07:16Alabama has some of the stricter state laws in America. Smoking is illegal for anyone under 19.
07:23What's heaviest?
07:24It's also a deeply religious state. In the UK, only 10% of people regularly attend church, but in Alabama, it's over 75%.
07:36Oh, look at this, I'm desperate housewives.
07:38I'm really American, aren't they?
07:40And you'll get mad in the height of that bitch.
07:42The American dream.
07:47You can see.
07:48Dry.
07:49So scared.
07:50I never get mad. I'm shitting myself.
07:51I'm really scared. This is worse than anything.
07:53It's like when you're just about to go on a rollercoaster or something.
07:55Not even like that. It's even worse. It's like you're about to meet your death.
07:59Guys, how are you?
08:01How are you?
08:02I'm Mark.
08:03It's fine.
08:04It's fine.
08:05It's fine.
08:07Hey, listen. It never rains in Alabama.
08:10And it rains, of course, right now.
08:12I'll do that.
08:13Hey, watch your step. These steps are kind of steep.
08:20Hi, this is Naomi.
08:21I'm Mitchell.
08:22Yeah, go right ahead.
08:23I'm Hunter.
08:24Hey, my name's Heather.
08:25Hi, this is Ross.
08:26Hey, my name's Heather.
08:27I'm Hunter.
08:28Hey, I'm Mitchell.
08:29Cheers.
08:30Hey, cheers.
08:31We're glad you're here. Welcome to our home.
08:32We're all glad. We've been excited about this.
08:34So everybody just wanted to welcome you all and make you feel at home.
08:38I can't tell you how privileged we are and thrilled to try.
08:42Seriously, y'all.
08:43We've been really excited.
08:44It's going to be a great eight-day journey.
08:47The Garnetts live in a sprawling five-bedroom house spread over three floors with its own private swimming pool.
08:53The Garnett children have given their bedrooms over to Ross and Naomi for the week.
08:57And this is Hunter's bedroom.
08:59And Ross, I think this is where you're going to be staying.
09:01You're not going to find TVs and computers in here.
09:04And this is Heather's room.
09:06And we're going to get you set up so you'll be comfortable.
09:09But before the British teens can get unpacked, the Garnetts lay down some ground rules.
09:15First on the list is foul language.
09:18One thing that we don't tolerate in the least is any kind of profanity.
09:23No F-bombs, you know, SH, you know, A-hole.
09:27The nuclear bomb of profanity for us is to take the Lord's name in vain.
09:31Heather, you know, is at an age where she would probably faint if she heard, you know, that in our house.
09:37We're very interested in every aspect of our kids' lives.
09:41We, you know, we monitor the Internet.
09:42We don't allow inappropriate websites.
09:44And we monitor what they download and what's on their iPods and even on their cell phones.
09:49It's the exact same thing with the TV.
09:51And we don't bend on that one.
09:53One thing that we don't allow in this home is alcohol.
09:56And we don't allow smoking.
09:58I'm going to give you an opportunity to go upstairs and in your suitcase,
10:03if you've brought anything with you that you know, and right now you know in your heart,
10:09if it violates any of the things we've talked about, this is an amnesty time.
10:13It's a time for you to go get it.
10:15No harm, no foul, and bring it to us.
10:18Sound fair?
10:19Good.
10:20Excellent.
10:21Used to having complete free reign, the strict regime comes as a bit of a shock
10:26to the unruly British teens.
10:28What the? F-bomb, honestly.
10:30A-hole.
10:31I said A-hole.
10:32Oh, dear.
10:33Oh, my God.
10:34You can almost see her nipple here.
10:36OK?
10:37Yeah, I think it's completely over the top.
10:41Like, they should...
10:43I don't know.
10:44It's just...
10:45It just doesn't seem...
10:46It just doesn't seem human, almost.
10:48That you're not allowed to see the things that go on outside of these walls.
10:52There's no need to be continuously looking over there, looking at them,
10:55watching what they're doing and stuff.
10:57I mean, come on.
10:59Yeah, I really doubt they're going to make magazines.
11:02So I'll get rid of those.
11:03And my iPod.
11:04But I'm not giving them my cigarettes.
11:06I'll put them in here.
11:07They're actually in my pocket.
11:08I don't even have that many.
11:10And seven.
11:11But I'm just going to keep them.
11:14Thanks.
11:15I don't have any...
11:16There's nothing...
11:17I don't have any magazines and stuff.
11:19What we're going to do now, we're going to go check your bags.
11:22Before we do that, any...
11:24Still got an amnesty second chance?
11:26Anything else that, uh...
11:28Yeah.
11:29Um...
11:30My cigarettes in my bag.
11:31Six.
11:32Six.
11:33I don't have any six.
11:37The Garnett children are regularly subjected to random bag checks,
11:41and the British teens are no exception.
11:45There might be a bathing suit issue.
11:47If this is any part of what she thinks we might wear outside,
11:50it's probably not going to happen.
11:53Didn't you weave yourself when they said that her daughter fainted
11:55if they had a spread?
11:56Yeah, I know.
11:57What was that?
11:58Oh, the dye.
11:59I think my dye would actually faint.
12:00I had a whole lot of teeth.
12:02I was like...
12:03I thought I was going to laugh.
12:04I thought when you get them...
12:05Because you get them putting your head down and I can...
12:06I just...
12:07Just some of the things they were saying.
12:08I just wanted to laugh.
12:09Please don't do it because it won't make me laugh.
12:10Just a bit over the top.
12:11It is really over the top.
12:13It even tells her it's bad for her.
12:15Smoking kills.
12:20Anything?
12:21The iPod looks very acceptable.
12:26Is my stuff okay?
12:27Oh, no!
12:28They're looking for my pictures!
12:30Oh, shit!
12:32No!
12:33My auntie!
12:34My auntie!
12:35My auntie!
12:36Aunt Paige is going to be drunk at my face.
12:38Oh, shit!
12:40These photos are really fairly benign.
12:43With over 300 photos on Ross' camera, Mark has failed to notice his drunken snaps.
12:49I don't have a whole lot of problem with them, to be honest with you.
12:53That is so rude!
12:54How dare they go through my pictures?
12:55At least the curtis and decency to fucking ask!
12:56Okay, I know we were gone so long and I'm so sorry.
12:57I'm livid.
12:58I'm absolutely...
12:59I think that's so rude.
13:00What is rude?
13:01I think you should have a decency to ask.
13:08I think you should have a decency to ask.
13:10Can we go through your camera, please?
13:11Then I would have quite happily agreed.
13:12But the fact that you've just done it behind my back, I think it's really, really disrespectful
13:17to me and rude.
13:18I will say this.
13:19Our house is very personal.
13:20And so anything that's brought into our house, we're very very respectful.
13:23How do you think we've just done it?
13:24And I think we've got a lot of questions, I think we've got a lot of questions,
13:25I think we've got a lot of questions.
13:26But we've got a lot of questions.
13:27very personal and so anything that's brought into our house is open for inspection and on this front
13:34Naomi on the cigarette front let me also mention to you this there's beginning an eroding of trust
13:40and that's not what we want therefore it's got to be earned back I don't think it is fair at all
13:47that they've taken my cigarettes but for now I'm feeling all right about it because I have had
13:52a couple of bags today before I came here but I know that tomorrow all hell will break loose
14:00because I literally if I don't have a cigarette I will I can't I can't function properly when I
14:06was having a guy that my camera I controlled myself but I think probably by tomorrow latest the third
14:12day I think I'll probably break despite their shaky start Mark still believes he can get through to
14:18Ross and Naomi they're both really really good kids and you can see that it's almost like a shell
14:25like an exterior but it's one that's transparent and though it's hard and it's a you know it's a you
14:31know it's a hard shell you can see on the inside already and you can see that there's a there's so
14:36much good in there Ross has only been in the house a couple of hours and already he's asked to check his
14:43Myspace profile I'm pretty computer illiterate unlike at home in the Garnet household you'll be
14:52closely monitored at all times my space is literally like my world what is it that you're trying to
15:04accomplish by putting a photo like that because that's pretty provocative I am very insecure and by
15:09doing something like that get so many good replies it's what made me begin some reason feel better
15:13mm-hmm the people that reply do you know them do you know most of them or are these or it's anonymous
15:18people I know a lot of them and some of them I don't know how do people ever send you messages
15:22that you find offensive oh yeah a lot of abuse messages in here telling people people telling me
15:27to go and kill myself are you serious I can probably try and find one for you I've had people telling me to
15:34go and shove my fingers down my scrappy little throat and make myself sick because I'm a fat person
15:40mmm it's horrible I gotta tell you man that breaks my heart people are horrible people are horrible in
15:47here they are you get some evil people tell you much enjoyment as you may get out of this I would
15:55argue that the damage you receive from it might counter a lot of that if not all of it so because I care
16:01about your safety and in the and the well-being of you emotionally that's why I'm going to ask you
16:07not to go on this this particular account this week how do you feel about that I could probably
16:12give it a go and see how I last yeah I mean I've never I've never lived without my space I've never
16:18gone a day without it really that just kind of broke my heart to be honest with you to know that he's
16:26getting his esteem and his value and his worth from people he's never met can't tell you how much I
16:31appreciate him being candid about it and very forthright at the same time the level of alarm
16:37is through the roof they've been here hot honestly it's like what good does that help and well we
16:45don't want any abuse being brought into the house Ross shut up over dinner Naomi takes the opportunity
16:55to tell La Garnette what she thinks of the over protective parenting he said that we're trying
17:02to teach them for the outside world and stuff for the outside world does have yeah all the things that
17:07you're protecting your children from hey they're aware of you know the world and cussing and moving
17:12in sex and whatever the case may be there are things we talk about they're open to that but it's not
17:17something that he fills his mind with on a daily basis and we want our kids to become the best
17:24adults they can be and we want for y'all as you enter adulthood to maybe question some of the
17:28decisions you've been making in the past and saying you know what these may not be the best choices I'm
17:32making when I'm entering into adulthood you have a real thorough understanding of the expectations
17:37all right yeah all right well let's clean up and we'll kind of wind down and get ready for a bit
17:43of here it's only the end of day one but already the teens are outraged by the level of parental
17:50control they're all robots the parents have literally robotized these kids they're gonna
17:55go into the world not like jack shit their parents are gonna think they do I'm worried for the kids
18:00because when those kids go outside into the real world they're not gonna be able to cope
18:13the Garnett children are on their school's summer holidays but rather than lays around they're
18:18expected to do charity work for up to a week at a time okay yeah where's the tip
18:30teenagers can be selfish we all can it's hard to be self-centered and selfish and caught up in
18:35yourself when you are looking at others that are less fortunate than you and realize well I don't
18:41have it nearly as bad as I thought I did today the British teens will be helping the Garnett's
18:47youngest son Mitchell who was volunteering at the firehouse shelter a refuge for homeless men the
18:55shelter is in downtown Birmingham an area with high crime and unemployment it's a world away from
19:01the Garnett's secluded suburbs only 10 miles up the road during their shift Naomi and Ross will be
19:09answering to the shelter's manager Melvin for everybody what did you get a bottle to you they
19:14hit a work to help out and they want to assist in serving and I told them that you all went back
19:21far from resenting the hard work Mitchell actually enjoys it my dad is right about it being good for
19:29family just being able to like help others that might not be as fortunate as us help them before we
19:36think of ourselves okay so let's go on out here you always gonna go out front and get ready to start
19:40lunch the shelter provides hot meals every day for up to 200 homeless men and is run almost entirely
19:48by volunteers volunteers are our lifeline here in shelter without without our volunteers you know we
19:53wouldn't make it the teens are only 10 minutes into the lunch service and Ross has already given up
20:02what the lunch queue beginning to build Ross and Naomi are nowhere to be seen what are y'all doing
20:24around there you all don't know the citizens of this area here you put your lives in jeopardy we
20:37didn't grow very far these people hurt people around here okay they kill people they cut people they
20:45stab people you have to think before you do things like that Naomi
20:48put that bag over here and come on here
20:54is that gonna change it Ross never helps out at home and is struggling to see the point in washing
21:05up for people in need and quit using those words in here it's a matter of respect you may not respect
21:15nobody at home but you're gonna respect us here at this facility you understand that yeah I don't know
21:25volunteers but we're not slaves we're not volunteering to be their fucking skivvies for the day and my hair
21:33I want to stop when it's my hair the teens haven't been back long before they're in trouble again I want to
21:42have a talk with you in the office in here about what just happened with those smokes with the cigarette
21:45Naomi has persuaded one of the homeless men to break the law by giving her a cigarette the guy that
21:53gave you that cigarette he knows better we don't do that here now he's gonna have to find somewhere
21:57else to go stay he's gonna be homeless again he's back out on the streets again because all because you
22:03extra cigarette just because he gave me a cigarette he's gonna be homeless yes yeah that's our order
22:09because it was my phone well I should get punishment for it not him you probably will so we understood
22:14it's five p.m. and mark is keen to find out how the teens have got on at the shelter it's been forced
22:32into cleaning about a thousand pots I couldn't cope there was no break in between and my shoes got dirty
22:39and I was just so hot did you drop the f-bomb yeah so you dropped the f-bomb on these homeless men
22:47yeah I think so I think they heard it do you have any earthly idea how offensive it is that you would
22:53be offended on doing work for the homeless and B how offensive it is for you to drop the f-bomb in
22:59their presence hey excuse me can I just have your attention for just a moment Ross has been working
23:06here today and an incident took place that was inappropriate and and there's something he would
23:10like to say to you I'd like to apologize for my foul language like if some of you hurt today and I'm
23:16sorry that I said it in front of you and disrespected you and I hope that you do have a nice evening this
23:22evening yeah Naomi has a confession of her own to make I asked someone for a cigarette and I got in
23:34trouble he can't stay here anymore so he's he's out on the street tonight these men are begging to be
23:41able to get into a shelter like this because there's murders on the street here every night
23:45you put this gentleman in a situation that now he's in danger I didn't know that that was going to
23:50happen but you don't understand that your actions have major ramifications major consequences on other
23:58people you've got to take responsibility for your actions I'm going to give you an opportunity to come
24:04back tomorrow with an unbelievably great attitude and great work ethic if tomorrow goes incident free
24:11then we're going to take this and put it behind us I'm beyond disappointed what I'm having to do is
24:18try to fight back the irritation and being furious about it bitterly bitterly disappointed
24:25now that man's homeless because I asked him for a cigarette I had to be honest that's completely
24:37over the top and that shouldn't have happened and if I could go back and change it I really
24:41would like I really do feel so bad about that and I don't know what else to do over the past two
24:49days Ross has found it difficult adjusting to the Garnett style of parenting this is a letter from your
24:55mom and dad and it's a letter to you today he receives a letter from home a reminder from his
25:01parents about why he's come to Alabama you really liked the person you were you were Ross that all
25:07changed for us when you came out last year about your sexuality you had the whole the whole of your
25:14family support and yet you seem to turn against us the name that you have called us and some of the
25:21things that you have said have brought both me and mom to tears at times when you said that you would
25:28like to see us burn and take pictures while it happened that had us more than you will ever know how does
25:34that make you feel pretty sick really ill really quite ill and just the feeling that must have for
25:44your father putting his head on the pillow and trying to go to sleep at night it literally you know
25:49right even now it's kind of making my stomach churn almost I can't fathom that
25:53so wrapped up in myself I still care about I just cared about myself and how I felt and what I was
26:05going for what they was doing to me I didn't really think that what else was doing then I've still got
26:10time to fix it to learn how to apologize and try and sort that I set myself out Naomi would you like
26:19a little oh no thank you it's the teens third day in Alabama and today they're returning to the
26:28shelter but not before mark gives them a pep talk I kind of wanted to give you all a few words of
26:33encouragement and hunter you're going to be going with them today as well and I'm not going to go
26:37spouting Bible verses all the time but it says anytime you set your hand to do something do it
26:42with everything you've got so as you go about today you have that great attitude think about the joy
26:47you're bringing to these people to do a great job today we have a lot more things and I have a lot
27:03more things we still were complaining about what we were doing yeah and that's not that's not right
27:09they're going too fast for me but the events of yesterday are still weighing heavily on Naomi's mind
27:30I was just wondering if you know where that man is that that was um his name is John and I haven't
27:40seen him and I don't know when he'll be back here in Birmingham or even if he does come back but if
27:46he comes back but you can tell him why I said sorry yes I know I feel like really horrible about it
27:51I really do yeah I really really really really yeah well I understand I think I would have to if I
27:57was you I didn't get a chance to say sorry to him and I don't want him to like be wherever he is now
28:01and just think that I did I don't care because I do I do care I think you do I'll make sure I tell
28:07him for you after a second day at the shelter mark is hopeful for a better report great today great
28:18yeah they were outstanding excellent I just love them both and you are we're gonna do great in terms of
28:25your work ethic and in terms of your attitude so y'all have knocked it out congratulations and thank you
28:29so much I am so so proud of you I can't tell you how proud I am of you that is outstanding that is
28:36outstanding you are awesome thank you thank you appreciate you thank y'all so much y'all have done a great
28:42service today I'm so proud of you outstanding well let's go y'all ready to go yeah let's go home we're gonna have
28:47a great afternoon and a great evening the way the way he chose his words and what he said it kind of
28:53made me want to cry like not with being upset but just of what he was saying like he's so sincerely
28:59really means everything he says and I don't know like oh do you've had a chat with me you just want
29:04to like smile and jump around and be like yay mark makes a point of telling his kids how proud he is of
29:11them every day I didn't hear I'm proud of you son from my dad until the day before he passed away and
29:18I remember I was actually putting his slippers on and I just looked up at him and that's when he said
29:27it he said I just want to tell you how proud you've made me over the years and how proud I am of the man
29:33you've become and the father you've become and I'll never forget that it was great as a reward for
29:45their hard work mark has given Ross and Naomi permission to go bowling with hunter all right
29:50guys here we go big night out on the town bowling hunter you're driving oh yes hey Naomi Ross let me
29:56let me just have a real quick word with you yeah hunter if you will just go ahead and get in the car
30:00you'll be right there buddy hey um obviously this is going to be a great night you're going to have
30:04a wonderful time you did a phenomenal job today we're so proud of you but as you go out and enjoy
30:09yourselves tonight do not forget about your responsibilities and commitments Naomi I'm not
30:14going to do any cigarettes you know what you're going to do I know you're going to do great tonight
30:18it's going to be tempting though because really this is the first time you've been away from us
30:23completely um where you're just going to have a chance to enjoy yourself and I know that would
30:27be tempting so I'm going to be praying for you you're going to do a great job I have faith
30:30you all have fun enjoy yourselves yeah y'all are going to have a blast
30:34unlike the UK team nights out for 16 year old hunter and his friends are a treat
30:53they must be earned carry huge responsibility and come with a curfew of 9 p.m.
31:00it's the first chance for the teens to enjoy themselves unsupervised
31:06half an hour into their bowling evening Ross spots the bar
31:19Ross knows it's illegal to smoke in Alabama under the age of 19
31:30flouting the rules is his speciality but he's determined not to be the only one that gets
31:38into trouble
31:38y'all shouldn't be smoking
31:56shit I'm thinking of your dad now right now
32:02why are you doing it
32:04y'all are putting me in an awkward position I mean sorry I mean it's fine I'm sorry it's
32:09just my my parents expect me to tell them stuff no please don't tell them please don't tell
32:15I mean I don't want to be the bad guy here but it's no it's kind of hard not to
32:21shit I think I should have done that
32:25I guess I was a little disappointed in what they were what they just did I'm just struggling
32:32with what to do now pick them or pick my parents thank you
32:37hey guys hello how's it going good tell me about bowling I mean nobody get in trouble
32:48uh kind of yeah a little what happened
32:52I don't know do y'all want to tell her or do you want me to
32:56I want to hear from your I want to hear your side I'll say I'll say I'll say okay Ross will say
33:02um should I get wild we had a cig you had a cig both of you we had what um we both we both
33:11shared one where'd you get it this lady so you just asked some stranger can I have a cigarette
33:17yeah why you don't even smoke Ross
33:20hello there hello how are you
33:26thank you there you go
33:28you're going to have fun but I'm not so sorry I was thinking I mean is everything okay
33:33I think so but they broke our rules
33:36um really
33:40can you tell me about the conversation it took place on the driveway
33:54because you looked me in the eyes which I'd like for you to do right now and you told me what
34:00um that I wasn't gonna smoke I can't have you look me in the eye and tell me one thing and then I
34:08guess I don't know an hour two hours however long later just go ahead and just you know drop your
34:13pants and put it in toilet bowl we don't want to tell you but Hunter obviously wants to tell you
34:17because I see you get into trouble so if Hunter hadn't have seen you we would have never known
34:22then everything would have been great right the whole no one will ever know thing just rips apart
34:31obliterates trust it just destroys faith but it was a cigarette and it wasn't a whole one it was a
34:40couple of puffs eat but that has nothing to do with it I couldn't give two flips about the
34:45cigarette to be honest with you you guys have lost complete sight of what's important if we
34:50can't trust you and we can't have any faith in you there's just nothing here there's just nothing
34:56here so see how we can lose all your complete faith and trust out of it I don't sorry just don't
35:03we're trying to do our best to show you what unconditional love looks like and you continue
35:09to just piss it back in our faces and it just drives me up the wall it just drives me up the wall
35:17I'm just sorry about this whole situation and for being here in the first place really
35:24just want to go home your lives are because again it wraps around you it's all about you
35:32however it makes someone else feel you don't care and I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings
35:38see it doesn't even hurt your feelings because you don't give a rip because it's not important
35:42to you you know what I'm done here you guys have a coconut smile a great evening and
35:49I get those plane tickets ready this is worthless it really is
35:57guys he's mad yeah I think I've expressed no I do care get upstairs
36:05Mark I'm dead serious get upstairs just go to bed no you go to bed get upstairs get upstairs Ross
36:13if he wouldn't have found out none of this would happen so he wouldn't have been in bad mood and
36:26then everyone would have been fine and no one got hurt and we would have got a cigarette because
36:28he would have never ever found out so what so why did he get so angry about that
36:32I'm sorry that not that he got so mad that's what happens he's passionate about this
36:39I would probably handle it differently but I also have to support him because I'm my husband
36:44so let's just go to bed you know what I'm saying and wake up in the morning and figure out what we're
36:51going to do anyway tomorrow's another day tomorrow's another day y'all be thinking about what happened
36:56all right guys y'all sleep good thank you even though they're like very nice people and I still
37:03like thinking of them as friends it is hard to respect them just as much as I did before after what
37:09they did tonight the teens are halfway through their week in Alabama the whole experience is
37:20proving more challenging than mark expected last night was was bitterly disappointing on so many
37:27different levels where I am now in life it takes an awful lot for me to to really approach losing my
37:33temper there is a time in the past where it didn't take much at all but I've worked hard on that
37:38and it really does it takes a whole lot now Ross and Naomi weren't on my mind this morning it was
37:44their parents that were as frustrating as it was for me I realized that if I had to endure that day
37:50after day after day you know I'm not so sure I wouldn't grab the white flag and start waving it as
37:54well after a good night's sleep Naomi has had a chance to reflect on the events of yesterday I really
38:02shouldn't have taken it because it was a big deal to him like he got really upset about it really upset
38:09but I just didn't really think of the consequences it affected everyone and it was a bit selfish really
38:18and I shouldn't have time the teenagers behavior last night has led mark to take action what we've
38:27decided to do with them today is we've decided to separate Ross and Naomi I think we've come to the
38:32full realization that they have partnered up and we certainly want them to be friends and to enjoy each
38:37other's company but to to their detriment no and that's what it's become you're going to spend some
38:43time at the shelter with Melvin and Naomi's going to help me here I know that may be something that
38:49you're not looking forward to but life sometimes it's just not always doing what we want to do
38:54I feel so sick they're making me feel ill they're not they don't understand I'm emotionally
39:03tired I'm emotionally drained out I'm physically fucking tired I feel so ill
39:08but they're not giving me a fucking break I'm going to go back this poxy ass place
39:16not used to being told what to do Ross decides to walk off
39:27I know you can hear me once again you got to think about what you're doing to somebody else
39:34I've got to come find you I'm dressed up ready to go to work it's burning up out here
39:38so don't just run away without permission that's just not the way it works you can't walk that way
39:46we got to go so let's walk this way I know I know I know you want some free time
39:52what are some coping skills you can do I feel like probably this is what he does at home and his
39:59parents have to deal with that with the you know I'm anything that's not suitable to him is met with
40:04a fit or an escape or you know cursing or whatever the case may be and that he needs to grow up and
40:11be able to communicate it back and you know share his feelings but not always just a immature reaction
40:17back at the house Naomi finally begins to open up to Mark
40:30well I said sorry last night but I didn't really I did mean it but I didn't really mean it and now
40:37I'm saying sorry and I sincerely mean it like I'm sorry obviously I got very passionate last night and
40:42I got passionate because I care I hope I didn't come across as being passionate because I stopped
40:47caring I appreciate you I appreciate you too well thank you can I give you a hug is that okay
40:54yeah you're so sweet I'm glad that he forgave me and that he just wants to move forward and that
40:59he's not like just sucks that and people would be like yeah forgive you but then they'll just bring
41:02it up and I know that he won't and let's move on from that since her parents break up when she was
41:1013 Naomi and her mum have struggled to communicate with each other today Naomi has received a letter from
41:18home I sometimes brings pain and difficult situations um we as a family and a fair share of
41:32those your uncle's death your grandmother's death your father's illness and your dad and I spitting
41:37up those were very painful times and for all of us and I'm sorry if I was not always there for you
41:43during some of those difficulties I was in pain too just like we all were and then being a mum
41:48was difficult and I might have gotten it wrong sorry I was not aware of all the difficult times
41:55that you went through I'm sorry that I did not notice we never really like talk about the past and
42:09stuff and I don't know it's because she kept on saying sorry and I don't know oh dear
42:22at the homeless shelter rather than throw a fit Ross has knuckled down
42:27time alone has given him a chance to reflect and he's opened up to one of the shelter's residents I
42:37know deep down what people say is true do you want to change you want to make your life better you
42:45you can learn anything you put your mind to you learn from your mistakes always keeping your guard up and
42:54don't let nobody in you're gonna fall I just learned that as a couple of weeks ago you've got to let
42:59somebody in let somebody talk to you you got to sit back and look learn and listen that's the only way
43:04you're gonna get somewhere the Garnett's encourage their children to talk to them about everything by
43:12spending quality one-on-one time with each of them but I'm really looking forward to taking Naomi out
43:18tonight and we've gotten closer over the course of the week but I get a good chance tonight to gain
43:22some real fresh insight and new insight and meaningful insight into her life tonight Mark is taking Naomi out
43:29for dinner the Garnett's call it a daddy daughter date Mark does this with Heather they go on daddy
43:34daughter dates all the time and it discusses things at the table that she may not want to discuss with
43:38me it's just time for us to be by ourselves and for me to ask her about school about what's going on
43:43in her life just really an opportunity to make sure that we're always connected so it's always a very
43:48very special time after you we'll see you guys y'all have a great evening cheers
43:59all right and we've arrived this is Leonardo you're gonna love this you ready yeah you go right through
44:12here I'll follow you well have you always been kind of private you know and kind of quiet I used to
44:19like say what I felt and act how I felt right but I just I just I've just stopped doing that I've
44:32changed a lot well I'm not trying to get ultra personal but what's taking place that makes you
44:38really kind of afraid to trust people and and be vulnerable to people and and share stuff like that
44:45to people I mean it sounds like you've really gotten burned yeah no there's just been a lot of
44:50drama in our family were y'all very close but we yeah we were close as a family we were there's a lot
44:55of arguing and stuff I just thought they were like going through a rough patch kind of thing
44:58um and yeah and then they just broke up and I was I was quite like I was shocked I wasn't that I
45:08don't know I wasn't that upset but I think it did it did break my trust for people because my
45:14parents hadn't told me anything about it I guess and then I was like well if I can't trust you then
45:19who can I trust now that your mom has written you this letter will that change anything yeah it will
45:25but it's more just it's experience really that's gonna change things have you really been who you
45:33are either are or are capable of being this week I mean is this are we seeing the real you you're you're
45:40seeing what I would like to be so it's what you can be yeah yeah when mark asked me Naomi I want to
45:49go on a date okay I was thinking great it's gonna be cringe but it wasn't at all like he he's somehow
45:57makes it comfortable I just can't talk to my parents about stuff right like that I just clam up it's just
46:04not it's not like natural to me back at the house Ross has been doing some soul-searching and is
46:11finally coming to terms with his behavior I feel of myself that I've just cared about anyone else out
46:19there but anyone else's feelings and that I say I think everyone else around me it's true I and I brag
46:27about myself makes me feel horrible it's a habit to get you know to treat people unkindly it's a
46:39habit to be self-centered it's you know so they die hard it's time for the little boy to sit down and
46:45this real man needs to stand up and he's becoming a man and he needs to be able to stand up and do that
46:50Mark's personal experience has taught him how difficult the teenage years can be I drank to
46:59excess I developed a dependency on alcohol it's one of the reasons that I'm so adamant about protecting
47:05my children from those same kinds of horrible mistakes throwing the kids to the wind and hoping
47:10for the best and letting them stumble into adulthood by themselves I can't imagine anything more irresponsible
47:16or more detrimental to a child's development holding the line in and when I flick it I'm just gonna let
47:25it go just flick it and let go Mark leaves nothing to chance with his own teenage sons when Hunter
47:36turned 16 Mark took him away for the weekend to talk about sex and purity I learned so much about him when
47:43when we're together just one-on-one it builds the trust in each other it builds our relationship but
47:48it's also just a critical time for us to be to be together and get away without distraction in order
47:54to to talk about really really important subjects as they cross that bridge from adolescence into manhood
48:00with only one day left before the teens return home Mark has taken Ross away to have the same frank
48:07discussion nice hello fish fish meet Ross Ross meet fish so there's your friend can I hold him yeah now try to
48:17grab him like I did to hold those fins so they don't come back and nip you that's okay we're gonna put him
48:25right back in there you go buddy throughout his teenage years Ross has struggled with his low self-esteem
48:31I've never been in a relationship longer than that month and two weeks have you met all of these guys
48:38on myspace yep but some of my friends know it's really rare that anybody makes a meaningful meeting and
48:47and has a meaningful relationship through the internet obviously being gay it's not as easy as it being straight
48:53because how often do a good guy come up to you and go oh hi what's your number I'll just say yes to people
48:58because I'd feel wanted much like yourself in my life I was constantly seeking fulfillment and to
49:06raise my esteem and to boost my confidence through anything imaginable I would chase anything whether
49:13it was relationships whether it was you know something like alcohol I made horrible decisions and I was a
49:20good kid but I made horrible decisions you're a good kid you're just not making great decisions but just
49:26like me you can make a choice and you can begin to change and you're doing that this week my hope
49:32and my prayer for you Ross is that you've got the strength to continue and I believe you do
49:37it's the teenagers last day in Alabama
49:51and Mark has one final request for Ross
49:59I want to ask you to enable the privacy function there's no reason why anonymous people should be
50:08able to come onto your page and leave abusive negative horrifyingly detrimental comments
50:15all right is that okay yeah are you in agreement with that yeah
50:18I would like to be able to not use it as much I know for myself I would never be able to get rid of
50:25I don't even want to get rid of it that's not my aim but it more of an aim is to try and maybe find
50:30something else to do after my space and I'm not when I'm at home the Garnett's have invited some
50:37friends around for a goodbye barbecue I've collapsed on the floor wetting myself my friends next to me on on the die literally steams come up their head
50:53while the barbecue is in full swing mark has a few words of encouragement for the British teens think
51:00about the things we talked about this week do you know what's to do what not to do and you know be respectful to your mom as you will be and know that they love you and you have an opportunity to start fresh you know
51:14every bit of confidence and faith in you thank you you got what it takes I believe in you I really do
51:21don't worry about what's happened in the past you can't do a thing about it but you can take care of
51:28today you're gonna have a great life my friend and I hope we'll stay in touch and I'll tell you one last
51:33thing I would be proud to have you as my son yeah and I thank you for letting me be your dad this week
51:39thank you so it's been a pleasure oh man thank you so much I'm really gonna miss them
51:45and it has been some pleasure to be here this week it's been hard but it's it's been worth it
51:56it's been a great attitude and I pray when they step off that plane that it just energizes them to continue that I really do
52:17very much looking forward to now to becoming the boss I was the original media happy smiley jokey boss
52:25I think when I get to that stage again I think a lot of things will change a lot of things will be different
52:29never really sat down and talked to either of my parents about my feelings never really sat down
52:34and talked about what's happened and why everything's happened and the past and stuff and how we can just
52:40move forward and make it a positive thing
52:47hello
52:52new shirt
52:55let's do three
52:57hi dad
52:59hello
53:01I'm sorry for what I've obviously been like in the past
53:04so it made me realize to say thank you more for stuff because the kids out there what's just like
53:10I think the only words I've ever heard and say is thank you ma'am
53:12thank you ma'am
53:14I don't expect me to call you ma'am so that's never gonna happen
53:18first thing I'd really love from her is a hug
53:23a hug and a cuddle and I hope she had a good experience
53:28I really hope she found another little piece of herself
53:35oh my gosh okay careful
53:39thank you
53:40thank you
53:41it's not my birthday
53:42it was yesterday
53:43I spent my birthday on a plane
53:45oh no
53:46there you are
53:47there you are
53:48what have I learnt?
53:49to not be so selfish
53:50to think of others before myself
53:52the consequence of my actions
53:54I'm just gonna try and treat you nicer
53:57and like help people around the house and stuff
54:00I missed you
54:01I missed you too
54:02did you?
54:03I did
54:04hello baby
54:05we have to have you back
54:07we have to have you back
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