- 6/1/2025
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00We've been talking about podcasting, and I think now is exactly the right time.
00:18I just got used to not expressing my sexuality.
00:22I don't want to hide anymore.
00:23What about me?
00:24What if I'm seeing someone?
00:25Don't be ridiculous.
00:27Kim, my memoir writing teacher.
00:29I know some boys have launched a finance startup, and they're looking for space.
00:33We're subleasing to a tech firm.
00:34That man spanked my ass.
00:36Dom hates micro-trends.
00:38He calls them moral failures.
00:40Dom changed form.
00:41It's over.
00:42He's literally having sex with someone else.
00:49I lay the side down between us.
00:54Verde and wet.
00:56A rose in radiant bloom, ever-blooming, over-ripe.
01:04How's pungent with life?
01:08Does it have to be pungent?
01:09I want something strong, earthy.
01:12Try some Russian caravan.
01:13Witty, Evelyn.
01:17But where's the juice?
01:19Try the fridge.
01:21Love it.
01:23An internet writer, I hear.
01:26What about punch and concision?
01:31Like haiku, but sassy.
01:34Then why not?
01:36If you're not inventing new forms, are you even a poet?
01:41Well, I'm not a poet, Kim.
01:46Try watching the world through the pores of your skin, love.
01:50Now, where were we?
01:52With spec points, not only do you pay later, you pay on points that you'll earn in the future.
02:15So you pay with points you don't actually have?
02:18Yet.
02:19Imaginary points?
02:20Speculative points.
02:22Like last week's rent?
02:23It's coming.
02:24All currency's speculative.
02:26And time is an illusion and the self is a construction.
02:30Until you have actual bills to pay.
02:34Where'd you get those?
02:36They were a gift.
02:37This office space isn't.
02:40If you can invest 60k, we'll give you 10 shares.
02:4310% in the company.
02:45That is a steal and you know it, Evelyn.
02:46Now I'm stealing from you.
02:49I respect how uncompromising you are.
02:51And I admire your tenacity.
02:54I do see myself as a sort of a mentor.
02:5611,000?
02:5810?
03:00All I can offer is three months free rent.
03:04Actually, two and a half.
03:05Someone else will give you the money.
03:08I'm giving you time.
03:10The illusion of time.
03:12Thank you, Evelyn.
03:14Can I still have some points?
03:16I'm a businesswoman after all.
03:18I guess you can have...
03:20One?
03:23Two.
03:24Two.
03:25Two.
03:27Fuck it, yeah.
03:28Two.
03:31Moist wipes have decreased their spending with us by 30%.
03:34And with the podcasting costs and rent, things aren't looking good.
03:38Can we put anything on credit?
03:42Or points?
03:45There's less conventional options.
03:48I have some former clients.
03:50A last resort payment plan.
03:52I don't know what that means.
03:55Good.
03:56Anything you can leverage?
03:57Well, I have a house, but it's mostly my ex-husband's.
04:01I really shafted myself in the settlement.
04:03Again, I know some people.
04:07Remind me, where did we find you?
04:09I believe it was Facebook.
04:11Ah.
04:12Your boys are leaving the rent.
04:13Well, I gave them a reprieve.
04:19They gave me two points.
04:21You have got a bad wish, don't you?
04:23Sorry, Evelyn.
04:24I'll try to do better.
04:31Can I go now?
04:32Dismiss.
04:33Guys, stop horsing around.
04:42This is a workplace, not a paddock.
04:44Eve, Hector and Colin's confirmed.
04:48Oh, thank God.
04:49Yeah, they want to see us today.
04:51Today?
04:52They have a 2.35.
04:53Oh, what, are we opening out for their 3 o'clock or something?
04:56Yes, yes, of course.
04:57Oh, it's Dom, my boss boyfriend.
04:58Cool hat, Ed.
05:00Well, I think he was eating the shark.
05:01Right now, he's got a rash on his bones and I blame it on climate change.
05:05Sounds like a think piece.
05:07Dom's been loving the site.
05:10Oh, thanks, Dom.
05:13Well, we've been enjoying you.
05:15Mm.
05:17I mean, you've given us a lot to think about.
05:19Mm, likewise.
05:21It's been a real eye-opener reading Eve's life's content.
05:24It's amazing what you've built here, Evelyn.
05:27A real Nietzschean superwoman.
05:29Oh, thanks.
05:30But I'm not really striving for immortality and I do eat vegetables.
05:36Dom's about to open a one-man show at the National Theatre Company.
05:39Yeah, you should come, Evelyn.
05:41I'd love that.
05:42Are we covering it, Opal?
05:44How?
05:44We don't have a what's-on-now pitch.
05:47Well, we should.
05:48Yeah.
05:49What show is it?
05:51Three Sisters.
05:52Or by Chekhov.
05:54Dom's playing all three of them.
05:56One man, three sisters.
05:58That's transgressive.
06:00No, I adapted it myself.
06:02I think you'll find it especially relevant.
06:05Ah.
06:06Three Sisters, one man.
06:08That's a good lead.
06:09We don't use leads in the theatre.
06:10No.
06:11Hey, Opal.
06:16Walk me out.
06:17Yeah.
06:22Bye, Dom.
06:25Delete the skin marks, please.
06:26No.
06:27And I don't even think that's possible.
06:28You deleted the vaginitis post, or does female dignity override male?
06:31If you deleted your skin marks from the toilet, we wouldn't have a piece to begin with.
06:36Just delete the fucking piece.
06:43Oh, God.
06:45He's a bit intense, isn't he?
06:47Oh, yeah.
06:47Totally get it.
06:49He has presents.
06:51That's why he's a thespian.
06:52It's the jaw.
06:54Call that a class three.
06:55Stepfather had one.
06:57No job or humanity, but mum still stayed with him for 22 years.
07:01God, I'm so sorry.
07:02You know, a class three jaw is really dangerous.
07:04What about a story on the male jawline?
07:07What, like, jaw size versus willie size?
07:10No, height, jaw, shoulders, penis, relationship with mother, it's...
07:14Just call it.
07:17Why cheapen something like that?
07:19Oh, Paul, you're such a class one.
07:21You're HR.
07:22And?
07:23I'm flagging something that makes me feel unsafe.
07:25What are we going to get?
07:31Anti-dandruff, shampoo, depilatory cream?
07:34Oh, yeah.
07:34We'll definitely get some skincare.
07:36Depilatory cream's not skincare.
07:37It's skin abuse.
07:39Oh.
07:39Retinol cream would be good for fine lines.
07:43Maybe some mousse.
07:44Remember hair mousse?
07:46You could do with some.
07:47Oh, well, hello there.
07:53Hi, Peter, Christine.
07:55Hey, Evelyn.
07:55Hey.
07:56Hi, Paul.
07:57I've got vertigo.
07:58My ear infection's back.
08:00Consolation prize?
08:01Oh, no, just some new products to try.
08:03Skincare, hair care, what's in there?
08:05Uh, eye cream.
08:07Active ingredient.
08:08Yeah, you can have this one.
08:10Mm, sweet.
08:15Mm, that's sweet Jane.
08:16Your number one fan.
08:18I can smell the competitive energy.
08:20Ah, I think it's the rose hip.
08:21Mm, there's room for both of us.
08:23Enough Korean serum for all.
08:25Sounds expensive, though.
08:26Elitist.
08:27Isn't it just sunscreen you guys push over there?
08:29What's wrong with sunscreen?
08:30Nothing.
08:31It's a little bit uninteresting.
08:33Well, if it wasn't for sun cream, I'd be dead.
08:36Mm.
08:37I think the middle area infection has gone to your brain.
08:41Right, we'll leave you guys to it then.
08:43Good luck.
08:44Bye.
08:44I'll just see these two out.
08:45I'll be right with you, Evelyn, and...
08:47Ah, Mr Paul Bowenclark.
08:49Oh.
08:50Triple Barrel.
08:51Aren't you a greedy one?
08:54If he asks you, aren't you going?
08:59You probably saw that Eve Life has received universal praise for Life blogging and Pabstier.
09:06See, we're not afraid to be raw, real,
09:09get our hands a little bloody.
09:11I love that.
09:12And just quietly,
09:13I absolutely love vagina humour,
09:17which is why I am looking at you
09:20and I am thinking Freshgina.
09:27What's Freshgina?
09:28It's our vaginal rinse and applicator product.
09:31So, a douche.
09:33Yes.
09:35I mean, what is funnier than a douche, right?
09:37No.
09:38Which is why I think Eve's edgy, hands-on approach would be just perfect.
09:43Well, very flattered.
09:47Question.
09:47Isn't a douche a little dodgy for a vagina?
09:51Yeah, my mum says they upset the pH balance.
09:54Oh, no, the science is still out on that.
09:56And our product is more of a freshening tool than a deodorizer.
10:00Okay.
10:01So, are you thinking voice-driven branded content, perhaps?
10:04And ads.
10:06Voice-driven ads.
10:07Sounds like a bit of a spend.
10:09Hmm.
10:09We have 50k.
10:13I'm sure our very clever writers can find a fun, humorous way to write about vagina loader.
10:34Shit.
10:35I'm sorry.
10:36Sorry.
10:36Let's just do a bit of bin something.
10:40Sorry.
10:41It's my mother's.
10:42Ah.
10:43I live with my mother.
10:44Interesting.
10:45Is it?
10:46It feels like a failure to me.
10:48Failure is interesting to me.
10:50It is.
10:51When it's happening to other people.
10:54Do you meditate?
10:56No.
10:57Should I?
10:58Meditation is watching yourself fail to meditate.
11:02I'm surprised I'm not enlightened.
11:04You know, making jokes is another form of watching.
11:09Perhaps you're more enlightened than you think.
11:15Sorry.
11:16I hate violets.
11:17I just hate cockroaches more.
11:20So, not a Buddhist?
11:22No.
11:23No, I'm an osteopath.
11:24Oh, beautiful swing.
11:28Who are you angry at?
11:30The guy that made my bad coffee this morning.
11:32John, always.
11:34Peter, Christine, Mike Houghton, Sweet Jane.
11:38Okay.
11:39Let's start with Sweet Jane.
11:40Oh, people like her.
11:42She's witty.
11:43And the more they like her, the more they dislike me.
11:47I just can't stop thinking about him having sex with her.
11:50Sweet Jane.
11:50The librarian.
11:52Oh, of course.
11:53Let's sit.
11:57And it hurts.
11:58What?
11:59You said last week you wanted him to be happy.
12:00Well, I've changed my mind.
12:01And I've thought about what you asked me and I don't have time to be happy or intimate.
12:12Not even with yourself?
12:13No.
12:14Not tapping anything.
12:15Are you at least journaling?
12:18I'm writing to myself.
12:20Should I be thinking about sex?
12:23No.
12:24You should be having it.
12:31Hey, Ev.
12:34Luce, does pole dancing get you out of the head?
12:37Eh, sort of.
12:38Great.
12:38When's the next class?
12:50I mean, it's just a kimono, right?
12:52It wasn't just a kimono.
12:53She had chopsticks in her hair.
12:54Yeah, I concur.
12:55As a person of Scottish heritage, I find punks in tartan skirts a little bit rude.
12:59Okay, but is it cultural appropriation?
13:01Or is it just fashion?
13:02Evelyn, what do you think?
13:04Well, what's the argument for cultural appreciation?
13:07I think that's the grumpy Gen X position.
13:09Ooh.
13:09Isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery?
13:13Not if you're profiting off someone else's culture.
13:15Well, I'm about to start pole dancing.
13:17And though I'm not a stripper, I also won't be getting paid a cent.
13:21We could use the money.
13:24Opal, wow.
13:25Sorry, Opal, but are you descended from ancient Greeks?
13:28That's a very strong look for a Tuesday.
13:30This has potential to be a HR situation.
13:33I like it.
13:35It's Dom's opening night tonight.
13:37Oh, yeah.
13:38I was going to borrow something fun from the rack.
13:40No.
13:41And no.
13:48Loosen your thigh muscles.
13:49Let the pole take you.
13:52Try hair whip.
13:53I promise it helps.
13:54It feels like it.
13:57Look.
14:01Is the woman in suspenders really here for exercise?
14:05Sometimes a costume gives you that extra bit of confidence.
14:08Why?
14:08Because it's a disguise.
14:10She's not hiding behind her suspenders.
14:12I think they just enhance whatever's already there.
14:16I just did the class in my mother's underwear.
14:18That's really enhanced my low self-esteem.
14:20I hear you wearing Ginny's undies.
14:23Because I ran out.
14:24They were just there on the rack.
14:25Unmissable.
14:29Sometimes dressing up as someone else helps get you in touch with deeper and unexpressed desires.
14:35Are you doing the dress-up thing?
14:39No comment.
14:40I just told you about Ginny's undies.
14:42We're experimenting a bit.
14:44Daniel's always had a thing for Jessica Rabbit.
14:46Dressing up as a stereotype for a horny misogynist.
14:49Well, at least I'm having sex.
14:52I don't even particularly like it.
14:56I'm sure it's really embodied and satisfying for you.
15:00Have you ever thought that your sarcasm might be a bit of a costume?
15:03No, it's just my personality.
15:05Or a personality disorder.
15:08Did you feel grounded in your body?
15:10I felt grounded in somebody's body.
15:12The stripper.
15:13I wasn't going to say it.
15:15You girls looking for work?
15:17Oh, no.
15:18No, I'm leaving.
15:19Oh, my God.
15:25Oh, hey, Mum.
15:27What are these?
15:28Oh, it's just a work thing.
15:30What are you doing here?
15:31I didn't really want to have Erica's lentil shepherd's pie.
15:35Oh, lentils.
15:36This is a very librarian.
15:37I told Daddy she could come.
15:39Don't you know the director?
15:40Oh, it's a one-man, three sisters.
15:43I mean, it might take a very long time.
15:45One sister per hour.
15:47It sounds cool.
15:49Please?
15:50Okay, I'll text Opal.
15:52Call your dad and tell him you're paleo.
15:55My mother used to leave hers on the bathtub ledge.
15:58I thought it was a bubble blower until she caught me.
16:00What does it actually do?
16:03It's a whore's bath.
16:05Can't say whore.
16:06How would you best describe it?
16:09Well, I don't know.
16:10I'm struggling to come up with a tagline that's humorous yet misogynistic.
16:14Is it like a liquid pipe cleaner?
16:19Yeah, exactly.
16:22You're going to wear that?
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:25Why not?
16:26It's androgynous.
16:27Very on theme.
16:28That's fine.
16:29What about you, Ev?
16:30Can you wear the usual jacket and your pyjama bottoms?
16:32No.
16:33No, I've got this.
16:34A man must work, toil in the sweat of his brow, for that is the meaning and object of
17:01his life, his happiness.
17:04How fine it is to be a workman who gets up at dawn and breaks stones in the street.
17:15Or a shepherd.
17:17Or an engine driver on the railway.
17:23Why does this have to happen to me?
17:25I got you this.
17:26Then it spins too long.
17:31It will always be in my heart.
17:33Mine.
17:34Not yours.
17:37And if we only knew.
17:41We only knew.
17:50Do not say it was bold or compliment him on learning his lines.
17:54Can I make a joke about Chekhov's gun?
17:56No.
17:57No.
17:57Please?
17:58No.
18:00Can I get you a drink?
18:05You've got drool on your mouth.
18:08Sorry.
18:09I'm underslept.
18:10But Addy seemed to love it.
18:12I just love that he turned the women into, like, three disembodied voices.
18:18Opal.
18:20Baby.
18:21Oh, you were amazing.
18:24Thanks for coming, Evelyn.
18:26Oh, wow.
18:27That was, um, good on you.
18:30It was really the lack of sets and costumes.
18:35Very bold.
18:37She said it better.
18:39I just like that you didn't make it all about gender.
18:43You're a smart kid.
18:45The three sisters may follow three women, but it's about much bigger universal themes like
18:50class and how the old order is always destroyed by the shameless barbarism of the net.
18:56Maybe you just had their scarves wrapped around the next bit tight.
19:01Will you review?
19:03At least the part you're awake.
19:05You'd be wonderfully self-aware if you did.
19:08I was just resting my eyes.
19:09What's the matter, Dom?
19:11Well, you were on your meme machine the whole time, and I botched a line.
19:14No one noticed.
19:17Anyway, she was just live tweeting.
19:18It's a new style of review.
19:20Oh.
19:21Well, let's see the phone.
19:22Come on.
19:26A powerful endorsement.
19:31We can all go home and blog now.
19:35Ah, there he is.
19:37Man of the hour.
19:38Man of the last three and a half.
19:40Let's go.
19:42Come on.
19:43It was good to meet you.
19:44Nice to meet you.
19:52I don't like how he's talking to you.
19:54It's condescending.
19:56There's something off about his politics.
19:59Yeah, well, it's probably over, so don't worry.
20:03I shouldn't have let you post about your relationship.
20:08Hand your phone over.
20:10What?
20:10Why?
20:11You need to have a detox just for a day for some rest and reflection.
20:17And, Opal, never fall in love with someone who sees you as a threat.
20:21I feel like I what he doesn't.
20:23I feel like...
20:29I ain't no Anan's a threat.
20:30It's just pretending
20:33I know
20:40I get over bearing
20:43So
20:44I hope you're not smoking in there, Evelyn, Virginia.
20:54No, Mum. I've just lit some incense.
21:08I don't really understand what you're talking about.
21:11Basically, it's about borrowing costumes from other people's cultures.
21:15What, like women wearing pants? Or when judges dress up like Mozart?
21:20No, Liam. No, not like that.
21:22Oh. Should we call the police?
21:24I don't think they can do anything.
21:26What's going on?
21:28Some explicit photos of Opal went live on the site last night.
21:31I've removed them, but they were live for several hours.
21:34Who posted them?
21:35Came from Opal's account.
21:37That pig.
21:39Wait, why were they up for several hours, Guy?
21:42I don't know, but it was spicy.
21:45Where's Opal?
21:46She's not in yet.
21:48Oh, I've got her phone.
21:50She's detoxing.
21:51Oh, well, maybe she doesn't know yet.
21:53Do we have to tell her?
21:54They were downloaded several times so they could be anywhere in the world wide web by now.
21:58Yeah, we know how the internet works, Guy.
22:00Hello.
22:01Did I miss a meeting?
22:06What?
22:07Nothing.
22:09Some...
22:10Some photos of you were uploaded to the site last night.
22:14They've been taken down.
22:17Oh, God.
22:18Um...
22:19Was it...
22:20Catwoman?
22:21No.
22:22Basic instinct?
22:24Sister act?
22:26Sister act?
22:27Yeah, scarf is a habit and undies.
22:29It wasn't sister act.
22:30It was a photo with purple leg warmers and a very tight, sheer, yellow and blue striped
22:36leotard with a bit of side boob.
22:39Fuck.
22:40Flashdance.
22:41I'm gonna call the police.
22:42You're such a douchebag.
22:43Police can't do anything.
22:44It's not illegal.
22:45Guy, weird that this is the most talkative you've ever been.
22:48That's fair enough.
22:49I shouldn't have, um, posted this kid marks piece and...
22:53Is he there?
22:54...the asexual threesome and his eye cream stuff.
22:57Opal?
22:58Are you okay?
22:59Yeah.
23:00I...
23:01Yeah.
23:02Fine.
23:03I think...
23:04Do you want to take the rest of the day off?
23:09Maybe?
23:10Maybe.
23:11Maybe.
23:12Maybe.
23:18Maybe.
23:19Maybe.
23:32Maybe.
23:33F. F.
24:02Ben called. He wants an update.
24:04Yeah, I know. I'm trying.
24:06Okay.
24:32Guys, I've got it. It's women like us. Women on the go. The douche is for women that are too busy to have the perfect opinion about every micro issue. They're too busy to have even a proper shower.
24:54You're reclaiming the douchebag? Why not? They've been appropriating our culture. I mean, why should douche just be a word for the shitty man?
25:04To also a shitty woman? No, the douchey woman isn't shitty. She's in a rush to climb ladders, smash ceilings, run the world. She doesn't have to waste time being perfect. She's just clean enough.
25:18So the douche is like an accessory to the girl boss culture? Yes. And for anyone who's ever used it as a slur, I say to them, my culture is not your costume. Actually, no, that's wrong. Very wrong.
25:33Well, what if I said to you, I used the douche. Let me finish. On my ear canals. And it cleared out the water log and cured my vertigo.
25:41I'd say you go, girl.
25:48Let's go, girls.
25:52Come on.
25:54I'm going out tonight. I'm feeling all right. Gonna let it all hang out. The best thing about being a woman is the variety to have a little party. Oh, oh, oh.
26:15I'm totally crazy. Forget I'm a lady. Men's shirt, short skirts. Oh, oh, oh. I want to be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel. And man, I feel like a woman.
26:30I feel like a woman.
27:00I feel like a woman.
27:01I feel like a woman.
27:02She can't side every chick in ips and float while her age.
27:03My man, I feel like I do when...
27:04Man, I feel like I do what don't need a woman.
27:05Can I be good?
27:27Try and nail a piece that's been taken off old and that's my turn.
27:28The best thing about having a woman.
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