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00:00This was a mistake
00:30Welcome once more to taskmaster we all know the score five trophy hungry comedians rip open some medieval envelopes and then run around having a breakdown which I mark out of five I'm a dreamer and one day those cowards at Channel 4 will take my squid games crossover proposal seriously
01:00It's only their careers that are in danger
01:03Their names
01:05Fatih Al Gorey
01:07Jason Mandzuka
01:09Matthew Baker
01:11Rosie Ramsey
01:13And Stevie Martin
01:15And next to me a man who wrote under a pseudonym to his local paper saying that he thinks disabled access regulations in shops are political correctness gone bad
01:31In the Chesham Gazette he's Dr. Stephen Morris but we know him
01:37He's a little Alex Hall
01:45Hi Greg, I've created something just for you
01:47Okay
01:48I've been working with the National Highways
01:50I know you love driving
01:53And he's good at it
01:55I've come up with some new road signs
01:57To help everyone really
01:59You know sometimes there's quite a lot of flies
02:01So you'll drive more carefully
02:07There's one, quite a lot of these
02:09This is quiet zone on the road
02:11How many of these are there?
02:13We're half way
02:15This is a little section of the road
02:17Where it's back to the flies
02:19Don't open your windows, open your mouth because of the fly
02:21This one's for outside our house
02:23Just drive more carefully
02:27A little smile
02:29There's a little smile
02:31That's a good one
02:33It's a very clever technique
02:35Of lowering the comedic bar
02:37So low
02:39But just the slightest hint of a joke
02:41Gets something
02:43I know what I'm doing
02:45Right, let's crack on with the prize task
02:47Oh, boring, not really
02:49Because I love the prize task
02:51And this time the category is
02:53The thing that least suits it's name
02:55When shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen
02:57Woah
02:59Oh Greg, we're not running out of ideas
03:01And yes Greg
03:03You will give five points
03:05To the thing you think least suits it's name
03:07When shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen
03:09And that is horn, over and out
03:11Right, Jason
03:13What thing have you brought in
03:15That doesn't suit it's name when it's shouted
03:17So, will we show it and have the audience
03:19Shout it immediately upon it's
03:21Arrival on screen
03:23This is your moment
03:25That's what we're going to do
03:27So, this is an album that I brought you
03:29By a great, wonderful band
03:31Can we throw it up now Alex
03:35Now, where I come from
03:37Fanny is a tush, it's a bum
03:39Right, but here I've been told it's not
03:41And it's quite rude
03:43What have you been told it is here
03:45It's a front bum
03:47That's what I call mine
03:49I've never heard anyone call it a front bum
03:51I call it a front bum, except my mum
03:53Oh, I call it that because your mum calls it that
04:01I'm just happy she's getting laid
04:05Great start, okay
04:07Who's next, certainly Stevie
04:09I suppose the same, we just put it up
04:11And everyone shouts it
04:13Show it, show it
04:15It's got cock in it
04:18Shall we discuss this
04:20Or shall we just move on to whoever's got tits
04:24We call this a birdie
04:26That's just as weird as shuttlecock
04:28Well let's find out, just shout birdie at it for me
04:30Birdie
04:32I think that's better than a shuttlecock
04:34I think it is
04:36This is strong, it does not look like a shuttlecock
04:38Matthew
04:40I'm going to shout this because people might mistake it
04:42So what have you brought in Matthew
04:44Mummy
04:48APPLAUSE
04:52You've been raiding the old tombs again
04:56Like our forefathers before us
04:58Grab it, bring it back to Britain
05:00Why not
05:02Elgin Mark Two, Rosie
05:04I have brought with me
05:06A liar
05:10A liar
05:12Liar
05:14I feel like that's not the first time you've shouted that
05:17I'm a bit thrown by these
05:19Because normally they all bring such terrible ones in
05:21And that is quite good
05:23Oh, Fatia
05:25Is it OK if we do the thing where
05:27But you'd like the audience to shout your ones
05:29Please, yeah
05:31OK, so Fatia's brought in this
05:33Broom
05:35I've brought in a broom because what is a broom
05:37Like that's a sweeper, innit
05:39The name doesn't do what it says
05:41Like a cooker cooks
05:43What would you call a car
05:45Are you saying a car should be called a broom
05:47Because it goes broom
05:49LAUGHTER
05:51It's actually called an automobile
05:53But we call it car
05:55Because it's after Alan Carr
05:57LAUGHTER
06:01She had faith in that sentence all the way
06:05A car should be called an automobile
06:07It is called an automobile
06:09Because it
06:11It's mobile but it's automatically mobile
06:13So that's why it's called that
06:15What do you call a chair
06:17Listen, bruv
06:19LAUGHTER
06:21I don't know if she's got a point
06:23Or if it's just absolute madness
06:25I'm going to give Fanny one point
06:27Because I don't mind it
06:29OK, one point to Jason
06:31I mean, Matt's very clever
06:33Because you can shout mummy in such a way
06:35That it does suit it
06:37But he shouted it in a sort of
06:39I've wet my pants way
06:41Four points to Liah
06:43What a beautiful instrument that is
06:45So four points to Liah
06:47Five points to Shuttlecock
06:49APPLAUSE
06:51I would very much like a task popper, please, young man
06:53OK
06:55Well, what are your two favourite things, Greg
06:57Mannequins and wetsuits
06:59Oh, bingo
07:01LAUGHTER
07:03MUSIC PLAYS
07:11MUSIC STOPS
07:15Jason
07:16Alex
07:17You've got lovely wrists
07:19Would you mind giving me your wrist
07:21Which one
07:25It just finishes it off, doesn't it
07:27Thank you
07:29All right, ready
07:31Yes
07:33Put the most wetsuits on mannequins
07:37The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly
07:40Also, you must tiptoe throughout
07:42And put your finger on your lips
07:44And say shh at least once
07:46Every 20 seconds
07:48You have 15 minutes
07:50And you're going to give me the buzz for that
07:52Yeah
07:5420 seconds
07:56A very small electric shock
07:58OK, it seems cruel, but OK
08:00That'll buzz every 20 seconds
08:02To remind you to shh
08:04Shhh
08:06LAUGHTER
08:08OK, your time starts now
08:10Tiptoe, please
08:12LAUGHTER
08:14APPLAUSE
08:16A pretty straightforward game, I would say
08:18But before we start
08:20Who would like to see Matthew
08:22Adopt his tiptoe position
08:24LAUGHTER
08:26CHEERING
08:28APPLAUSE
08:30LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:34Wonderful
08:36The toxic masculinity coming off you
08:38Is disgusting
08:40Right, I'm going to start by showing you
08:42Three people, including Matthew
08:44Trying to put wetsuits on mannequins
08:46Whilst shushing
08:48And those people are
08:50And of course
08:52Where are the mannequins
08:54Shhh
08:56Where are the mannequins
08:58LAUGHTER
09:00Shhh
09:02LAUGHTER
09:04LAUGHTER
09:06LAUGHTER
09:08LAUGHTER
09:10Have you found a wetsuit
09:12Shhh
09:14None in there
09:16I can see another one in there
09:18Shhh
09:20Why is this locked
09:22Alex, do you know where the key to this is
09:24Yeah, can you tell me
09:26A normal place
09:28Shhh
09:30LAUGHTER
09:32Right, here we go
09:34There's a lot of keys there
09:36Shhh
09:38Is there a key in there
09:40Is there a lollipop
09:42Oh, and a doormat
09:44Thank you
09:46Oh my God
09:48I'm not going to get anything done
09:50This has got something to do with it
09:52I'm...
09:54Fucking hating it
09:56LAUGHTER
09:58Oh my God, sorry, it's dead
10:00Shhh
10:02LAUGHTER
10:04Where are the wetsuits
10:06MUSIC
10:08MUSIC
10:10That's crafting materials
10:12Where are all the fucking wetsuits
10:14LAUGHTER
10:16I see no wetsuits
10:18LAUGHTER
10:20MUSIC
10:22I've located several mannequins
10:24I'm not certain I should be whispering
10:26LAUGHTER
10:28I can't find any wetsuits
10:30You've got ten minutes to go
10:32LAUGHTER
10:34LAUGHTER
10:36LAUGHTER
10:38MUSIC
10:40Have you got a wetsuit
10:42Oh
10:44How much time do we have left
10:46Five minutes 20
10:48MUSIC
10:50MUSIC
10:52LAUGHTER
10:54MUSIC
10:56LAUGHTER
10:58LAUGHTER
11:00LAUGHTER
11:02LAUGHTER
11:04LAUGHTER
11:06LAUGHTER
11:08LAUGHTER
11:10LAUGHTER
11:12LAUGHTER
11:14LAUGHTER
11:16LAUGHTER
11:18Come on you little fucker
11:20LAUGHTER
11:22How long do I have
11:24Three seconds left
11:26OK
11:28That's a wetsuit
11:30APPLAUSE
11:32APPLAUSE
11:34Why would I be pleased
11:36LAUGHTER
11:38I definitely took my finger off my lips
11:40You took your finger off your lips
11:42That was part of the task
11:44LAUGHTER
11:46LAUGHTER
11:48APPLAUSE
11:50APPLAUSE
11:52APPLAUSE
11:54APPLAUSE
11:56APPLAUSE
11:58APPLAUSE
12:00That was part of the task, right
12:02LAUGHTER
12:04He was so upset he thought he'd been disqualified
12:06cos he took it off at one point
12:08I've thought about that more than once a day
12:10every day since
12:12LAUGHTER
12:14The devastation at the end of both of your scenes
12:16was quite similar
12:18and yet you increasingly are coming across as a serial killer
12:20You found the child mannequin and within seconds you said,
12:23-"Come on, you little fuck." -"Yeah, I don't have time to waste."
12:28The question is, am I going to allow a wetsuit?
12:31You bloody better.
12:33I will allow a wetsuit.
12:36Because it's a bit of lateral thinking and we've got to reward that.
12:39Habibi, thank you.
12:40Oh, Habibi.
12:43This place is going to be called Mosquemaster from now on.
12:46LAUGHTER
12:48APPLAUSE
12:51Right, time for the first ad break of the episode
12:54and a chance for you to take a few moments away
12:57from the intensity of this competition.
12:59I'm not going to tell you how to relax.
13:01You do you, Alex.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:07APPLAUSE
13:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:16Hello! Welcome back.
13:19It's the start of part two.
13:21Mannequins, wetsuits and shushing are the name of the game
13:24and the names of the people playing the game right now
13:26are Stevie and Rosie.
13:31Ah, yes!
13:33Found a kid.
13:35LAUGHTER
13:38Under the doormat.
13:40Yeah, you always keep them under the doormat.
13:44Right, OK.
13:47Wetsuit.
13:49Oh.
13:51The suit's wet.
13:52Is it? Yeah.
13:54I thought these things were, like, illegal.
13:56Not on people, weirdly.
13:58Just on dogs.
14:00Come on.
14:02I imagine this is what marrying older man's like.
14:06Yeah.
14:10Come on, mate!
14:18There we go, that's fine.
14:20I need some more wetsuits.
14:22Can I have that one that you've got on?
14:24If you don't mind. I don't want to be awkward or weird.
14:27I... Oh.
14:29Oh! A child!
14:31How's that one?
14:35That's another one.
14:37Have you got any underwear on? That's fine, yeah.
14:39Sorry. No, that's all right.
14:44Oh.
14:46Right, I'm going in. OK.
14:48Oh! Jackpot!
14:56Strawberry.
14:58Oh, it's packed!
15:00This is weird.
15:02I don't... I'm getting paid enough for this.
15:04Hmm.
15:08Oh... Can you get me your other suits that you've got?
15:11I could do with putting one on later on.
15:15I'm getting ready.
15:22Yeah, the time's up.
15:24Thank you, Stevie. Thank you.
15:26Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
15:35Oh, wow.
15:37Stevie, I thoroughly enjoyed you
15:39repeatedly punching a mannequin in the gooch.
15:44Apparently the mannequins that I found in the bushes
15:47were not part of the task.
15:49That was like a mannequin graveyard. Yeah.
15:51Yeah, we use mannequins over the years in this,
15:53and the ones that had been too, I guess, punched over the years,
15:56we'd just chuck under a tree,
15:58and we weren't expecting someone to go foraging for mannequins
16:01under the tree.
16:03Rosie, talk me through the narrative of the way
16:05that you look after this old man.
16:07Oh, I'm quite a bit attached to him, actually.
16:09Yes, you gave him names, yeah. Yeah, I named quite a lot of them.
16:12Yeah, it was Eric, Eric's brother, and their son, Shearer.
16:15Yes.
16:16So Eric was the old man... The older guy.
16:18..that you were in a relationship with. Yeah.
16:20And you put his trousers on so violently his arm fell off.
16:23He gets right on me fucking nerves.
16:27Um, did they do well?
16:29Yes.
16:30Matt, nearly sort of three-quarters of one wetsuit onto one mannequin.
16:34Oh.
16:35Patty's got a total of one.
16:37Jason really went for it and got a total of two-and-a-quarter wetsuits.
16:41Stevie, you got three-and-a-half.
16:43Rosie, because she used the suits and made them wet, four in total,
16:46so she gets a full five points.
16:48There it is.
16:53Let's see the scoreboard.
16:55All right, well, it's interesting.
16:57Well, the winner of the first three episodes is in last place
17:00on three points, whereas Rosie and Stevie are three times as many.
17:03They've got nine points each and are joined first.
17:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:11Right, another task, please.
17:13Hmm, there is no task.
17:15Ooh.
17:16No, there is one, really. I was lying.
17:18Here we go.
17:28Hello, Rosie. Hello, Alex.
17:30Hello. Hello. Alex, how are you? I'm great.
17:33Would you like to? Yeah. After you, please.
17:35OK. OK.
17:37HE CLEARS THROAT
17:39Convince the other team that the following things
17:41are the opposite of what they are.
17:43The liquid in the cup is very hot.
17:45Or very cold.
17:47The bag is really heavy.
17:48Or really light.
17:50The paste in the tube is delicious.
17:52Or disgusting.
17:54Alex is or isn't behind the curtain.
17:57Two of you have or haven't met the same really famous person.
18:02Most deceptive team wins.
18:04You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
18:07Your time starts now.
18:10OK, I get this.
18:12And you're an actor, so you'll be really good at this.
18:14So we have to... Oh, what about me?
18:16Yeah, you'll be fine.
18:17Are they inclined to believe us?
18:19I mean, A, we're phenomenal actors.
18:22So, if I go like this...
18:24Pretend it's hot.
18:26That was very rubbish, bruv.
18:28The paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
18:30OK, it's so hard, isn't it?
18:32The paste in the tube is... And it's empty.
18:34Who's the most famous person you've met?
18:36Well, weirdly, you were just talking about
18:38Anne or Ed Sheeran, and you just did a thing with him.
18:40Yeah, you've both met Ed Sheeran.
18:42Have you not? Not yet.
18:44Bruv, they let anyone on this show, swear down.
18:47Bruv.
18:50OK.
18:52Good luck, team. Thank you.
18:57Let's go. OK.
18:59So one team is going to try to convince the other team
19:01that things are not what they are.
19:03We're going to see, first of all, the team of three
19:05trying to convince the team of two
19:07that the liquid in the cup is very hot or very cold,
19:09the bag is really heavy or really light
19:11and the paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
19:19WHISTLE BLOWS
19:43Well, that was nice, that.
19:50Ooh, this is so soothing.
19:52Lovely and hot.
19:56OK. Interesting.
19:58Did you go to RADA?
20:03If I don't get a BAFTA for this, I'll swear down.
20:08Well, there you go. We've never done a live Guessing Game.
20:11No, this is interesting stuff. This is interesting.
20:13OK, I'm going to go over there. Oh, right.
20:15Oh, this is nice. Stevie, you could go over there.
20:17Yeah, all right. Yeah.
20:23This is nice.
20:25I like this.
20:27But also, let's do this. Yeah.
20:30I'm so sorry to interrupt the children's midnight picnic.
20:34Is there any reason why they can't confer out loud?
20:36No, no, no. It would be much easier all round.
20:38You do whatever you want.
20:40Fancy's is cold. Are you whispering?
20:42I was going to.
20:47It would be nice if we could hear this, cos it's a telly show.
20:53I think...
20:55It's your fault for giving us this opportunity
20:57to do something we've never done before.
20:59Look at the ceiling!
21:01What's going to happen when we graduate?
21:10So you think Matthew's double-bluffing and that it is,
21:13in fact, heavy?
21:15It's the only one I think I'm not sure about.
21:17I feel like it was disgusting for Rosie.
21:20I feel like it was cold for Fatia.
21:22I might have something up.
21:24Well, sit down. It's just making me really...
21:27Sit down!
21:29Stop making your own rules up!
21:31We've got rules already.
21:33OK. What are your answers?
21:35Cold, disgusting, heavy.
21:38OK, well, let's see.
21:40Here's the truth.
21:46APPLAUSE
21:52What is it?
21:54Vegan mayonnaise.
21:56Delicious?
21:58We have a three.
22:00Nailed it. Very good.
22:06Really good.
22:08We're now going to see Jason and Stevie either lying or not lying,
22:12so watch closely.
22:14OK.
22:16Heavy. Heavy.
22:18We want it as heavy as possible.
22:21OK. OK.
22:29Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
22:31Stevie, I made you some tea.
22:34Thank you so much. You're so relevant to the task.
22:37Ooh.
22:40MUSIC PLAYS
22:42All right. OK.
22:44Cheers.
22:46Bottoms up.
22:51That's absolutely delicious.
22:53Ooh, really?
22:55Sure.
22:58That's quite good. That's quite good.
23:00Yeah, not bad at all.
23:02Before the guessing starts,
23:04I'd just like to point out that those who have the energy
23:08OK, guys, let's talk, period.
23:13Right. Team of three, what do you think?
23:15I think it's light and they thought the sound of the pebbles
23:18would make us think that they'd kept them in.
23:20I think it was really hot. I think it might be a talent that she's got
23:23where she's like, I can drink really hot stuff,
23:25and I think it was hot.
23:27I think it was cold, like ours,
23:29cos the steam disappeared immediately.
23:31It still kept a little bit.
23:33I think they just did a better job of not having...
23:36LAUGHTER
23:44It was so fun.
23:46Like a fawn that had been scared.
23:48You did the thing as well, the little...
23:54Sorry, the audible ice cubes, I think that's what got us.
23:58Not your acting.
24:00And I think it was delicious,
24:02but it hit the back of his throat and made him gag.
24:05I think it was disgusting.
24:07I'll back-use whatever you say, I promise I won't kick off.
24:11So we're going light, hot, delicious.
24:15If you fucking get this wrong.
24:19This is what I was afraid of.
24:21Well, let's see how many of the three you got right.
24:23Oh, no. Here we go, guys.
24:25OK.
24:28Now we've got to empty it.
24:30So I just want to make sure, there will be a cut here, right?
24:33Yeah, yeah, OK.
24:35Please tell us, what was in the cup?
24:37Cold water.
24:39What was in the tube?
24:41Marmite. Peanut butter.
24:43Water.
24:45And gravy pellets?
24:47Bisto. Oh.
24:49Bisto.
24:51Really nice. It was fine.
24:55Two out of three, not bad.
24:57APPLAUSE
25:01Well, has another part break come along quickly?
25:04Same drill, you do what you want, me and Alex will do our thing.
25:08LAUGHTER
25:20Hello.
25:22Welcome back to Taskmaster Part Three.
25:25Now we're going to see all of them lying or not lying
25:28about whether they've met the same famous person
25:31and whether I'm behind a shower curtain.
25:33Weird, isn't it? Good luck. Here we go.
25:38Welcome. Alex Horne is behind the curtain.
25:41Please show them.
25:47Disgusting clipboard.
25:49Ta-da!
25:54So, I met James Bay. My husband, Chris, is a comedian
25:57and he was doing the comedy...
25:59LAUGHTER
26:03Where did you meet James Bay?
26:05I met James Bay at Old Trafford.
26:08That's a charity football match.
26:11Yeah, I haven't met him. I'm not famous enough, sorry.
26:14We've met James Bay. We've met James Bay. Nice guy.
26:17I've met some famous people... You've met loads of famous...
26:20Oh, I've met Tom Cruise. Oh, I've met Tom Cruise.
26:23For, like, one of the computer guys.
26:25He was leaving as I was coming in and he was like, hello.
26:27I used to be a journalist. But he walked right past me,
26:29but he did go, how you doing? Yes! That's enough, isn't it? Yes!
26:32Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise!
26:35Interesting. I think maybe the team of three should do the guessing
26:38and I don't want to influence you,
26:40but if you're behind the curtain for Jason and Stevie's attempt,
26:44I will pull my trousers and pants down right now.
26:48I'm not very good. You make your own decision.
26:51I thought he might be behind the dummy that they were punching.
26:54That's what I thought. I will come to regret that.
26:56Technically behind it.
26:58OK, and the famous person? I doubt it.
27:01Yeah, I doubt it.
27:02I've seen all of Mission's Impossibles. He ain't in it.
27:05OK. That's a lie.
27:07So it's a lie. One or both of them.
27:09So we're saying no to the famous person,
27:11yes to me being behind the shelves. Yes.
27:13All right, team of two, what do you think?
27:15Now, who is it that you guys are saying you've met?
27:17I don't know him either. The singer James Bay.
27:20Possibly they've met him because he seems very accessible.
27:23He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:24No offence to James Bay and his loyal followers.
27:27He's really famous. You would normally stop.
27:29He's genuinely really famous. He's from Hitchin.
27:32Oh, in that case, OK, in that case,
27:34they're definitely not bluffing, cos that's huge.
27:38Let's say it, I think they've met him.
27:40OK, and then is Alex behind the thing that created the clipboard?
27:44No, I think they balanced the clipboard on a mannequin
27:47and then did that. All right.
27:49So let's find out if they were telling the truth.
27:52Hello, team. Hello.
27:53Please raise your hands if you've met James Bay.
27:59BUZZER
28:00Have you met Tom Cruise?
28:02No.
28:03APPLAUSE
28:08BUZZER
28:13Ho-ho!
28:15APPLAUSE
28:19So, do some summaries.
28:21Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down.
28:30I am a man of my word and I told you,
28:33you would all get an opportunity to see me take my trousers and pants down,
28:36but I didn't say when or where.
28:39I'm going to meet you all individually.
28:42That's a time and place of my choosing.
28:45We're all looking forward to that,
28:46but that final round really changed things.
28:48It turned out that the team of three ended up getting four out of the five right,
28:51the team of two only got three out of the five right.
28:53So, the team of three get five points.
28:55It's up to you how many the team of two get.
28:57We should give them three points.
28:58Three to the team of two, five to the team of three.
29:00APPLAUSE
29:04Very good. What's next, please?
29:05We're going to have a glorious yet infuriating lightbulb moment.
29:10MUSIC PLAYS
29:21Hello.
29:23Lovely smile.
29:25You too.
29:27Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
29:30Ooh! Ooh!
29:33Ooh!
29:35Oh-ho-ho-ho!
29:38Tell Alex why the lightbulb turns on.
29:45You may not touch or tamper with the lightbulb.
29:49Fastest correct answer wins.
29:52Your time starts now.
29:54I don't understand what that means.
29:58So, I need...
30:01APPLAUSE
30:06I don't know how the lightbulb turns on,
30:08but Rosie was certainly having a good time, innit?
30:11That's what I'm saying. Let's see some stuff.
30:13Yes, it's not how it turns on, it's why it turns on.
30:15And first to go, it's Rosie Ramsey and Matty Batty.
30:23No.
30:27Ooh.
30:31How did it just turn on?
30:34The speed of light.
30:37Is it when I talk?
30:39No. When I...
30:41Smile?
30:43No.
30:45When I look at it, do you turn it on when I...?
30:49I don't.
30:51Oh.
30:54Ooh, did you know that...?
30:57LAUGHTER
30:59Fastest wins, remember.
31:01Right.
31:03Oh, my word, right.
31:05Read this out loud and in full.
31:07If you fail to read this out loud and in full,
31:09you will fail the current task.
31:12Ahem.
31:14Dear Rosie, congratulations.
31:16You have looked under the table and found this.
31:18A letter just for you. This is bullshit.
31:20This is going to be bullshit.
31:22He didn't have such curious instincts.
31:24You shouldn't now be reading this personal note.
31:26No, this is bullshit.
31:28I think you are funny. I like your hair.
31:30In almost every drawer and almost every shelf,
31:32beneath almost every stone and inside...
31:34I always thought you were the sort of person
31:36who would look under tables and...
31:38The truth is our taskmaster is not just about...
31:41You're a humble person and I don't want to embarrass you.
31:44Like, he discovered there was a looking box inside your mouth.
31:47It's about opening that box...
31:50OK, then, I'd better go now.
31:52Well done again on finding this valuable paper.
31:54OK, carry on. Yours, Greg.
31:56That's... That's... That's not anything, is it?
31:59I don't think that means anything.
32:01Right, yeah, you've got to tell me why the lightbulb turned on.
32:04What's this?
32:05Plus two, plus two, plus two.
32:08Is it facial expressions?
32:15That's extraordinary.
32:17LAUGHTER
32:21I ought to cry. Can you cry on cue?
32:23Probably. It's worth a try.
32:30OK. Yeah?
32:32Oh, dear.
32:37Oh, yeah.
32:41It's not crying, is it? No.
32:44Have you got a smile?
32:46You mentioned my smile when I came in.
32:48Something to do with facial expressions.
32:50Two times.
32:52Is it smiling?
32:54And then being sad?
32:56And then smiling? And then being sad?
33:01Two seconds after I smile. I've stopped the clock.
33:04When I smile and then I go sad,
33:06two seconds later it goes on.
33:09I'm going to stop the clock.
33:11APPLAUSE
33:13APPLAUSE
33:18This should be a jolly task,
33:20but there were moments of great sadness there, weren't there?
33:23Rosie crying.
33:24Matthew appeared to have some sort of existential crisis.
33:27It's nice to have a task that fractures your relationship
33:30with the concept of smiling.
33:35Exactly what we hoped for.
33:36Rosie thought it might be smiling very early on
33:38and then moved on very quickly, but you got it in the end.
33:40Matthew, 13 minutes 54.
33:4213? 13, yeah.
33:44Wow, it felt like a lot longer.
33:48Right.
33:49Soon, someone will be taking home a liar and a fanny,
33:53which reminds me of a date with my ex.
33:57As in, she was dishonest and her name was Fangita.
34:11Hello, and here we go.
34:13It's the final part of the show
34:15and there's a really annoying task in play.
34:17They're the best ones.
34:18And now it's Jason and Stevie's turn to work out
34:21what's turning the lightbulb on.
34:23All right, let's see.
34:25I'm going to try...
34:30It's when I tip to the right.
34:32It's not.
34:34I put raisins in this little hole.
34:36I can't imagine this is what I'm meant to do,
34:39but there is something oddly satisfying about it.
34:41No, you look happy. I appreciate it.
34:45You're looking at me as a red herring.
34:50Plus two. Plus two.
34:52Hmm. I'll do two raisins.
34:55Oh, boy.
34:57That only tells me I'm on the right path.
35:03Is it every time I look at the bulb?
35:10HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
35:15Oh, I hate it.
35:20You haven't turned the bulb on for eight...
35:22What?!
35:33If you've turned that bulb on...
35:40Is that you?
35:42No.
35:43OK. Looks like you.
35:45Is it when I make this face?
35:49No.
35:51Fuck off!
35:55Speed of light, question mark miles,
35:57divided by two seconds.
35:59What do you want me to do with that information?
36:02Like, what... Speed of light?
36:04So that is relevant.
36:06Is it this clue is relevant to the goddamn task?
36:09Shocking.
36:11It's almost like it's asking me how many miles...
36:14smiles...
36:16smiles per two seconds.
36:19So I go off two seconds after I put raisins in the little hole?
36:22Here we go.
36:24I mean...
36:26No. No.
36:28Oh, wait a minute!
36:30Oh, God!
36:36Does it go off two seconds after I'm angry,
36:39two seconds after I've laughed, after I say,
36:41OK, two seconds after I'm thinking?
36:45It's everything in my power right now to not flip this table.
36:49Is it two seconds after I stop smiling?
36:52You can try it out.
36:57HE SCREAMS
36:59Yes!
37:03The light goes on two seconds after I stop smiling.
37:06I've stopped the clock, but I need you to go now,
37:08because I need to take that box apart,
37:10cos it's full of raisins.
37:12You know what? Put some water in, you'll have grapes.
37:21I don't think so far we've seen you quite as crazed during a task.
37:24I think it really got to you, right?
37:26Yeah, that was the angriest I was.
37:28Celebration.
37:30Jason. Yes, Greg.
37:32I thought it was quite clever on the first attempt
37:34of popping raisins into the little hole.
37:36Yeah. I was less convinced of your intelligence
37:39by the third time you started.
37:41I'm not going to lie, they cut many times out.
37:44Yeah, yeah. Do you want to tell us how they did?
37:47Yes, Stevie, you were 28 minutes.
37:49Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.
37:51That's why I was so upset.
37:53What about Old Raisin Popper?
37:5552, 52 minutes.
37:58LAUGHTER
38:04We had a six-minute debate about whether it's math or maths.
38:07Yeah, and you cut it? We had to cut it, Jason.
38:11Now, this will be interesting.
38:13Can the angriest Taskmaster contestant of all time,
38:17can she even smile?
38:19We don't know.
38:21We don't know.
38:22You're quite right, Greg.
38:25LAUGHTER
38:27What's this? Can I use these? Ooh.
38:31What happened?
38:36Is it when I smile?
38:44Do you remember I used to do that in school?
38:46That's a fake smile. Do you remember that?
38:48We didn't go to the same school.
38:50LAUGHTER
38:51Oh, hell no.
38:53OK, wait, this says, yeah, two plus smiles.
38:57Oh, has it got to do with time?
38:59I got it. I got it, honey.
39:02OK, I smile, two-second break, and then it comes on.
39:05Let's see.
39:07OK. Smile.
39:09One, two, light comes on.
39:11Got it? You got it.
39:15Somebody call the vet, cos these swans are sick.
39:23Did you make up, someone call a vet because these swans are sick?
39:26No, Matt. The swans aren't actually sick.
39:28Well, they're not really swans, are they?
39:30But also, it's not the vet you call for this.
39:32They've got... It's domestic stuff. Yeah.
39:34What you actually should say,
39:36someone call whoever's responsible for the swan community.
39:40It's directly linked to the royal family,
39:42because these swans are sick,
39:44and not many people are qualified to deal with it.
39:47Give me some times.
39:48Well, obviously, Jason gets one point for his nearly an hour.
39:51Stevie, two points, nearly half an hour.
39:53Rosie, three points for your 16 minutes.
39:55Matt, four points for 13 minutes.
39:57Fatia, seven minutes, five points. There we go.
40:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:05I can't believe it.
40:07Good season scores.
40:08Fatia, you are now in second place,
40:10just two points behind Rosie, who's on 17 points.
40:13Wow.
40:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:18OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage
40:20for the final task of the show!
40:31Hi there, baby boy.
40:33Hello.
40:36Who's going to read the task out?
40:38It's Fatia.
40:40When a game of...
40:43..front hum...
40:46..one at a time, each person must discard three socks
40:50from the washing line and add one.
40:52If all your coloured socks are removed, you are eliminated.
40:57Last player standing wins the game of front hum.
41:01We all know front hum, so it's a...
41:03..traditional game.
41:04You may not be aware of it, Jason, but the others will be.
41:09In your black socks, you've got a secret sock.
41:11That is your colour.
41:12Don't let anyone else see the colour of your sock.
41:14The aim of front hum, as we all know,
41:16is to leave your coloured sock standing on the washing line.
41:20So, on your go, you're going to go first, Fatia.
41:22You can remove three socks, any socks,
41:24and then you've got to put one sock on from your bucket.
41:27As soon as your colour disappears, you're out.
41:29It's front hum. I mean, I don't know why I'm...
41:31LAUGHTER
41:33This is sock chess. This is... Yeah.
41:35This is cerebral.
41:36So, why don't you all have a look, secretly, inside your secret sock.
41:39Remember your colour, don't reveal it,
41:41cos there's a lot of tactics involved in this.
41:43As always, we go right to left.
41:45That's you first, Fatia, so you can remove three socks.
41:48I'm going to be tactical here.
41:50I have to be. I'm so sorry.
41:54Oh, my God. If you... Yeah.
41:57And now what? Pick one and put it on?
41:59Absolutely. Just bring it back to its folk.
42:01That's the phrase. Yeah.
42:03I wonder what your secret sock colour is.
42:05You don't know. It could be a double bluff.
42:07That's front hum.
42:10Jason's up now. He could eliminate orange from the game.
42:13I'm going to be a fucking psycho if he did. Let's see.
42:17Ooh. Ooh.
42:19Oh, my God, he's mixing his colours.
42:21These Americans are so flash.
42:23So, green is back to normal now.
42:25Perilous for orange, but he's still got to put one back on.
42:28Oh, my God. Matthew, that's front hum.
42:31Oh, my God.
42:33Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God.
42:35Don't reveal your orange yet. Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:37Again, don't reveal if you're orange yet.
42:41Not even a clue, Rosie, if possible.
42:43Mm. OK.
42:45Back to the half-dozen yellows.
42:47So, would you like the orange to reveal themselves?
42:49Do I need to ask him?
42:52It's me.
42:54Fuck you all.
42:58Rosie, a master of deception, let's front hum.
43:01OK. This is tricky.
43:03It's a full board at the moment.
43:07Oh, lovely.
43:10And a red. Yeah.
43:12Oh, I've got to put one up, don't I?
43:14She takes the blue off and she puts the blue back on.
43:17Psychological...
43:24For a second, I thought it was a masterful game of psychological warfare,
43:28but she just forgot she took the blue off.
43:32Fatia, back to you, I believe.
43:34Oh, there's an aggression here.
43:37Oh. Oh, Christ.
43:41Red's back up to full strength, Greg.
43:43I've not seen that for a few years.
43:47Lovely.
43:49Oh, my God. That's great.
43:53Oh, cautious.
43:55So, Matthew, the door is open on blues.
43:57If you want to eliminate blues,
43:59that means you do go up on the leaderboard.
44:02Greg, remind me, why wouldn't he go for blue at this stage?
44:06Matthew's his own man. We've seen this in previous tournaments.
44:09Interesting.
44:12And one back on. Is there another blue back on?
44:15Yeah, he's got one. Oh, it is.
44:17That's... Wow.
44:19Works for Rosie.
44:21Is it the end?
44:23Yes!
44:25Very good.
44:29And there we go, so we've lost green, but let's see who she puts up.
44:32Even Stevens.
44:34We've taken two people to a full compliment.
44:36Yeah. And we've lost someone.
44:38Green? It's me.
44:40Jason Mantzoukas gets two points.
44:42APPLAUSE
44:46Now I'm going to have to do this, like, come on.
44:48Of course. You do a double blue now,
44:50I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.
44:52Oh, I've gone.
44:54So, this is it.
44:56We might find out what colour she is.
44:58Ooh.
45:00Might be checkmate.
45:03Oh, she's set up the ultimate head-to-head.
45:06Unbelievable.
45:08We've lost blue, finally. They clung on for a while.
45:10Go, blue, step forward.
45:12APPLAUSE
45:15And I'm winning.
45:17Rosie, it is your turn.
45:19You can't eliminate your opposition yet.
45:21Please step up to the line.
45:23North-South divide.
45:27I don't think she's ever done that.
45:29How would you do that?
45:32She might be red.
45:34Yeah, but they both know who the other one is.
45:40The numbers will go down. It will dwindle.
45:42It has to dwindle.
45:46It's the only move. It's the only move.
45:48Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry.
45:50Tricky for you now, Rosie.
45:57She's lost three yellow.
45:59It's a desperate bid, though, cos there's not a lot she can do.
46:06She's staying brave.
46:08We've got a real situation here.
46:10At this stage, it's really whether or not Fatty remembers
46:12what colour her sock is.
46:14Right, let's have it, bruv.
46:18And we'll have a last go.
46:20She's won three times!
46:24Listen, I'll update you. Final scores.
46:26Come down and join me!
46:29APPLAUSE
46:35One of the greatest games of Front Ham I've ever witnessed.
46:37I know. It has changed the scores.
46:39Very tight at the top, but with 21 points,
46:42the winner of this episode is Rosie Ramsey!
46:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Rosie Ramsey has won!
46:53Please go and ogle your oddly-named other pair!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE