Nerd Pimps

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy who tried to force a woman to start an OnlyFans page and realized we might be entering the realm of nerd pimps who try to extort people virtually.

Transcript

00:00A guy kidnapped a woman and threatened violence unless she opened an OnlyFans.

00:13You're so hot.

00:15I need you to stop watching.

00:17Do it, please.

00:18God, I need to pay you once a month.

00:20I need to give you all of my money.

00:23My God, you're hot.

00:25Please.

00:27So weird.

00:29Man, I never thought that pimping was going to take a technological turn.

00:34Yeah, I guess that's the new way.

00:36That is technically what it is.

00:37Honestly, that is.

00:38It kind of was.

00:39You're online pimping.

00:41Yeah, you're going to do the OnlyFans.

00:43You're going to do these videos, and then I'm going to take all the money.

00:46Right, because strip clubs shut down, and people aren't making the traditional pimping money.

00:55Pimps took a hit, I think.

00:57Pimps, coronavirus.

01:00Yeah, I mean, pimps took a hit, right?

01:02Everyone went online.

01:04Everyone went virtual with all their whoring.

01:06Man, oh, man.

01:06So the pimps weren't getting a cut of that.

01:08Pimping wasn't easy.

01:11It was not.

01:11No, not that year.

01:12No.

01:12There's really no need for a pimp anymore.

01:15You don't.

01:16No.

01:16Pimps are really struggling.

01:18It's the worst time to be a pimp.

01:20It's hard out there for one.

01:21Yep.

01:22It is.

01:23Yep.

01:23So, well, yeah.

01:25I never thought of that, too.

01:26You force people to do this stuff online instead of in person, but you need to cut up their

01:31money when they do it then.

01:32And we don't know anything.

01:33The difference is, the pimp service they provided is not the pimp service that's needed.

01:39That's what I'm saying.

01:39They're obsolete.

01:40Yeah.

01:40There's no need for them.

01:41I don't know what the, because there are virtually no benefits to an internet pimp.

01:48No.

01:49I can't see any.

01:50No, there are not.

01:51Unless he's, like, real good at cybersecurity.

01:53I was going to say super great at IT.

01:55I don't think so.

01:56You know I'm a great IT person?

01:58Baby, Norton Antivirus.

02:00Your computer's down?

02:01What are you going to do?

02:03I'm the best pimp there is.

02:03Here comes your pimp.

02:06Good at cybersecurity.

02:07I got more RAM.

02:08Graphics car.

02:11Isn't that crazy?

02:13Like, the biggest of the nerds become the pimps.

02:15Yeah, exactly.

02:17What a flip upside down world.

02:18I don't know.

02:19Put in that Norton Antivirus.

02:21You should probably bitch pay my money.

02:24Bitch better have my money.

02:26Nerd fix.

02:30I totally just upgraded your webcam, so bitch better have my money.

02:40I'm only going to ask you one more time.

02:47And then I'm going to seriously, like, leave a Yelp review or something.

02:52I don't see any pop-ups, and I don't see any money.

02:54There's a problem with that bitch.

02:57Also, I'm starting to think, like, what can they do?

02:59They can't physically brute their way through anything, but they'll attack your whole computer system.

03:05Exactly.

03:05It'd be a real shame if your whole system got a virus.

03:08That would suck, wouldn't it?

03:09Your computer got ruined?

03:11Turn off your Wi-Fi.

03:12Yeah.

03:12Oh, jeez.

03:13Spotty Wi-Fi.

03:14That's how they'd get you, right?

03:20I mean, I never thought about it.

03:22But yes, nerds hold all the cards right now.

03:26Yeah, they really do.

03:27We're about to enter the future of nerd pimps.

03:30Yeah.

03:31Nerd pimps.

03:32Because, listen, a lot of these OnlyFan whores, they'd never know how to correct an IT problem.

03:38No, it's very hard.

03:38Most people don't know how to do anything.

03:40They could hold their accounts hostage until they pay up.

03:42If a super nerd knocked on my door and was like, hey, so your internet's going to get

03:47pretty bad unless I get paid a $5 monthly fee.

03:51Yeah.

03:51And I'm like, I'm not paying you anything.

03:54And then all of a sudden, my internet sucks real bad.

03:56I'm like, oh, come back.

03:57Well, well, well.

03:58Oh, look who it is.

04:00I'm here.

04:01I take my money.

04:02It's $30 a month now.

04:03Oh, God.

04:04I should have said yes to your initial offer.

04:07That's right.

04:08The nerd mafia.

04:09Yeah, that's what it is.

04:11Yeah.

04:12No one's thought of it yet.

04:13No, hopefully we didn't give them any ideas.

04:15No, we just did.

04:15Nerds everywhere uniting right now.

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