Dave Goes Undercover

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about the things undercover police officers are allowed to do while working and imagine what could happen if Dave took a job undercover.

Transcript

00:00Under Michigan law, it is legal for police to have sex with prostitutes during an undercover investigation.

00:17Cops can nail hookers if they're on an undercover investigation.

00:22You know, I actually think that you need this depending on what I'm doing.

00:30What am I proving that she's going to have sex with me?

00:32No, I think it's for deeper stuff than this.

00:35I think it's when it's like, so I am an undercover cop and I am going after Andy.

00:41And Andy is big time into the drug world.

00:44Right.

00:45Okay.

00:45And so we're hanging out one night and then Andy's like, I brought us some bitches.

00:50Yeah, look at these hookers I brought.

00:52And then I'm like, oh, Jesus, I'm okay, man.

00:55I really think that that's...

00:57That would kind of blow your cover.

00:58Yeah.

00:58What do you mean you don't bang hookers, I'd say?

01:01And I'm telling...

01:02And you'll see if your suspicions will go up.

01:05And I'll tell you...

01:06But it's crazy the line of illegal activity that they're not allowed to do.

01:10Yeah.

01:11Like, what was that guy that brought down...

01:12They can't do drugs.

01:13Well, at least they weren't supposed to, but...

01:15I know...

01:16I knew some guys that were undercover.

01:18They did more stuff.

01:20You know, it was almost one of the things that got them.

01:22So, like, if cops go in to bust a rub-and-tug, they can be tugged and be cool?

01:28Like, I don't think this is really about prostitutes and rub-and-tugs.

01:35This is about deeper crap.

01:37I had a buddy who used to do this, deep undercover stuff.

01:40And he...

01:41I mean, the stories he has blow me away.

01:44Right.

01:44He didn't mention that he had to bang anyone.

01:46No, but also it's like, okay, well...

01:49So Andy busts out a bunch of coke.

01:53Yeah, you can't not do the coke.

01:54Well, and speaking of that, we have an undercover cop here.

01:56Voice-changing technology.

01:58Good morning, Anonymous.

01:59How are you?

02:00Good morning.

02:01Good.

02:01How are you?

02:02Good.

02:02So we're talking about the fact that it's legal for police to have sex with prostitutes

02:06during an undercover investigation.

02:07You had a story you wanted to share.

02:10Yeah, so back in my younger years, we used to, you know, get down with the A.

02:17And there was this dude that would hang out with us.

02:20Like, he was a friend of a friend.

02:22Like, literally six months, we would all hang out, partying all night.

02:25And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like four or five of my friends got busted.

02:31And this dude was an undercover Norco.

02:34So he did cocaine with you guys?

02:35He partied with us all night, every night, like, straight up.

02:40Yeah, he was one of the dudes.

02:43Would he do it or just pretend?

02:44Because I'd, like, pretend to snort it.

02:45How are you?

02:46How are you going to do that?

02:47Yeah, he's a really good boy.

02:49You know, five lines would be five people.

02:52All five lines are going to disappear.

02:54I'd blow it up.

02:56No, no.

02:57They'd be on to Dave so quick.

02:59Undercover Dave will be on to Dave.

03:01Undercover Dave?

03:02Dave's mustache he would grow to be.

03:03Dave trying to infiltrate a drug ring or something would be hilarious.

03:10Yeah, pass me that.

03:11Let's do an A.

03:13Pass me that cocaine.

03:14He'd be Googling what is an A.

03:16Well, it's yay is what she said.

03:18Oh, yay.

03:19Okay.

03:20What is yay?

03:20I'll Google an A.

03:22I'm ready to do an A with you, fellas.

03:23I figured I could, like, you know, pretend I'm doing a line, but I didn't really just blow

03:30it off, like, yeah, this is a great cocaine.

03:32They're going to notice that.

03:33They're going to notice that.

03:35Yeah, woo!

03:37Let's all do an A.

03:39The Google correct is like, no, it's not an A.

03:43Pass the A.

03:45I guess it's one of those parties where we're all doing a bunch of A, huh?

03:49I'm in.

03:50Why wouldn't I be in?

03:52I hate to see Dave's undercover cop movie where they only bust rub and tugs.

03:56She tugs me again.

03:57Get him in here.

03:58Let's go.

03:58That was an official tug.

04:01Undercover Dave.

04:03Undercover Dave.

04:05Oh, yeah.

04:06I'll do cocaine.

04:09I think this man just blew all that cocaine everywhere.

04:13There's a huge cloud of smoke.

04:16It's like, what?

04:17That's not how you do cocaine, Dave.

04:18I can't tell you something in my throat.

04:20It's the cough.

04:22Undercover Dave turns down drugs.

04:24Sorry, guys.

04:25I don't know if you messed up on the B.

04:27Extra strength Benadryl.

04:28Now I have an extra strength Benadryl to be.

04:31I am.

04:32I'm going to be asleep in 10 minutes.

04:40Brutus, one more story here.

04:41Hi, Brutus.

04:41Good morning.

04:42Hey, so this isn't about a cop or something.

04:47This isn't about a cop banging a prostitute.

04:49This is about my buddy banging a cop while she was undercover.

04:54She was working out at Burning Man, a psychedelic festival out in Nevada.

04:59Yeah.

05:00And the cop got too intoxicated on the psychedelics that that tribe was providing, found my buddy,

05:07confessed, said, hey, I'm infiltrating this group.

05:11There's these people in this that I got to get, and I'm an undercover.

05:13I feel so guilty about doing it, but spilled it.

05:17So my buddy took her to his tent and gave it to her good all night.

05:20Said, you know, hey, that's the police, basically.

05:23Oh, wow.

05:24See, that would take down undercover Dave.

05:27Yeah.

05:27I'd do some drugs, and then I'd spill my beans.

05:30Oh, yeah, Dave.

05:31Listen, guys.

05:32You guys are all going to jail.

05:34You are.

05:35Not now.

05:37But, boy, oh, boy, after this Burning Man, the stuff I've seen you guys do, and you've

05:44made me do, oh, boy, you guys are going to jail forever.

05:52Man, I'm high.

05:53Yeah, I'd spill the beans.

05:55I know.

05:55I'd ruin it for myself.

05:57Yeah.

05:57I cannot be in an undercover situation with any sensitive material locked in his head.

06:01No.

06:02Have a couple of whiskeys, and look out.

06:05Yeah.

06:05I'll tell you everything.

06:06I'll tell you everything.

06:08I'll tell you...

06:08I'll tell you I'll tell you everything.

06:12Yeah.

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