Dave at the Car Wash

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a drug bust involving a local car wash and Dave has some questions that leads to the show imagining him being a customer there.

Transcript

00:00Three men were taken into custody yesterday on charges of selling heroin and marijuana

00:13out of a car wash in Roseville.

00:16Ah.

00:17It's actually kind of a brilliant idea.

00:19You don't think this kind of stuff has been going on for the dawn of time?

00:22Well, no one ever told me about any of those car washes.

00:25I didn't know they existed.

00:27I'm sure they did now looking back.

00:28But much like the haunted car wash, I like the idea of I can get my car clean while getting

00:35hooked up with drugs at the same time.

00:36You like that idea?

00:37Yes.

00:38He loves convenience.

00:39He loves convenience.

00:41He loves a two-for-one.

00:44He really does.

00:45I'm not saying I'd use it, but I'd like to be able to pick something up while I'm getting

00:50my car washed.

00:51I can get my prescription.

00:53This is why you're not meant for drugs, because really it's not about multitasking.

00:57Dave just went with it.

00:58You know, usually you don't really care about getting your car washed.

01:01You're really just there to probably get the drugs.

01:02Yeah, most heroin addicts aren't washing their cars.

01:04I know.

01:05I can't wait to do this heroin and make sure my car is spotless.

01:09I got some scratches on my vehicle.

01:10I'll go pick up my black star heroin and buff those out for me while I tie this arm off.

01:16It's coming from a guy who's never done drugs.

01:19Yeah, exactly.

01:21But just the convenience of it all.

01:23Dave is thinking more of like, can I get some Advil, cold, and sinus?

01:30Yes.

01:31Absolutely.

01:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32Like my prescriptions.

01:33Do you have Prevacid?

01:35Yeah.

01:36And then as I order, as I'm, you know, approaching the car wash, and then as they're drying my

01:42car, they come out, they hand me something.

01:44Thank you so much.

01:46Got a nice clean car and my prescriptions.

01:48I'm ready to roll.

01:49He loves convenience in two for one.

01:51And he plays this song when he goes through the car wash, too.

01:53Oh, yeah.

01:54Super loud.

01:54He's got it ready.

01:55He's like, oh, man.

01:56Yeah, totally.

01:56Hey, guys!

02:00I'm looking for heroin.

02:08I know you guys are felons.

02:10And if he couldn't get it on the, you know, on his radio, the song, he wouldn't go in.

02:16He would have, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the line up.

02:19Don't send me!

02:20Don't send me!

02:21Don't send me!

02:21Let that guy go first!

02:22Let him go first!

02:23I'm not queued up yet!

02:24Yeah.

02:25Oh, this guy can't get any goddamn service.

02:28He's calling all the radio stations are requested.

02:31Like, hey, I really need car wash.

02:33Can you get it on right away?

02:36Please.

02:38I'm about to buy some heroin.

02:39Yeah.

02:41Come on!

02:41It's a Motown classic.

02:46So there was obviously a code word, right?

02:49Or just that he had phones.

02:51I mean, I don't think anyone...

02:52I think...

02:53Like, I couldn't just go to the car wash and, like...

02:55Yeah, I don't think so.

02:56That's how I thought.

02:57I think the people...

02:58With a side of snow.

03:00These guys were more advanced.

03:01I think they knew their clients.

03:03Yeah.

03:03You know what I mean?

03:03Because they were just going to the back and throwing it over the fence and stuff like

03:06that.

03:06It's like, you know, meet me at the car wash there.

03:09It's not like new customers coming in.

03:11Like, do you guys have, by chance, have some heroin?

03:15Right.

03:16But I will say this.

03:17I believe weed has been sold this way from the dawn of time.

03:21Like, when those guys come over and are drying your car off, I guarantee people have been

03:27like, do you know of any smoke?

03:30Yeah.

03:30Is that how you...

03:31Okay, I'll just decide.

03:31I think they might offer it before the person asks.

03:33Oh, really?

03:34You think so?

03:34I'll just decide.

03:35If I was wanting to ask for weed, how would I?

03:38Like, at the car wash, would I say, do you guys smoke?

03:42Can I get some smoke?

03:43Do you have any green?

03:45I just wouldn't recommend that ever.

03:47No.

03:47I mean, because you don't know if they do...

03:49So I shouldn't, like, cold call people for drugs.

03:50No, don't cold call.

03:51You just call.

03:52You can know a guy.

03:53You know a guy.

03:54Yeah.

03:54I just figure I can just about ask anyone at the car wash, whatever one I go to, if I

04:00put myself out there, you know?

04:03Yeah, I'm just not...

04:04I don't roll in those circles.

04:06So I'm not sure how to go about it, how to approach it.

04:08And you talk to me or my buddy.

04:10Yeah, exactly.

04:11I mean, I know...

04:11Oh, I know now.

04:12I have so many people I could talk to.

04:13You get the hankering for some heroin, don't go to a car wash, Dave.

04:16Yeah.

04:18Someone says, I feel like...

04:19Keep you out of jail.

04:19Dave would roll through the car wash playing China Road by the Doobie Brothers.

04:23Oh, my God.

04:23Searching weed.

04:26Hey, guys.

04:30Listen to these tunes.

04:32Can you hear the music I'm playing?

04:34You got it?

04:35Looking for taking a trip down the old China Road.

04:44Does he have, like, a bandana on his head or something?

04:47Oh, sure.

04:48I'm sure.

04:48He puts it on at the beginning of the car wash.

04:51He looks like a Vietnam vet.

04:53Yeah.

04:53He does.

04:54American.

04:55American bandana.

04:56He looks like a Vietnam vet.

04:58Yeah.

04:58I'll try and make myself look like a drug user.

05:00Yeah.

05:02No doubt.

05:04I would love to see Dave's image of a drug user.

05:07Like, if you just assigned him to go dress up.

05:10Dress as you would imagine a drug user would dress.

05:13Oh, my God.

05:13And see what he comes up with.

05:14Oh, my God.

05:15This song just brought me to bandana.

05:17Yeah.

05:18That was very bandana-y.

05:22Yeah.

05:22Dave's in a wheelchair.

05:23He's got no legs.

05:24He's like Lieutenant Dan.

05:25He's driving around like Lieutenant Dan.

05:29It still bothers me to this day, though, that no one has ever offered me drugs.

05:34I was asked in Chicago where to find Christina.

05:37Yeah.

05:37But no one has ever offered me drugs in my life.

05:40Right.

05:40That, to me, has got to be some sort of record.

05:43You'll never be offered drugs.

05:44No, you'll never ever be.

05:45Why, though?

05:46Why?

05:46Just look at you.

05:47Your only chance to ever be offered drugs is when you grew out that mustache for Movember

05:52that one time.

05:54I don't even think that would be like.

05:56I didn't get pulled into secondary screening at the airport with James.

05:59Because you look like a man with no hope, and that just didn't care, you know?

06:05That's what that facial hair said.

06:07I think that same year, too, somebody offered you and I cocaine on the streets, on the strip,

06:13and you were all excited about that.

06:15Was I offered, or was it?

06:16Well, they might have been coming to me and offered to me, but you were right there by

06:19proxy, so you kind of got offered.

06:21You were offered, and I was standing beside you.

06:24Yeah.

06:24I mean, I'll take it, I guess.

06:26Yeah, you got offered it by proxy there.

06:29James is trying to make Dave feel better.

06:31Wait, was that one time they offered us cocaine?

06:33Dave, you're so street.

06:34You got offered cocaine that one time you're standing by me.

06:38You're so street.

06:39You're so street.

06:40Said no one ever to me.

06:41Yeah.

06:42Yeah.

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