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Dave at the Car Wash
Beasley Digital
Follow
4/17/2025
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a drug bust involving a local car wash and Dave has some questions that leads to the show imagining him being a customer there.
Category
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Fun
Transcript
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00:00
Three men were taken into custody yesterday on charges of selling heroin and marijuana
00:13
out of a car wash in Roseville.
00:16
Ah.
00:17
It's actually kind of a brilliant idea.
00:19
You don't think this kind of stuff has been going on for the dawn of time?
00:22
Well, no one ever told me about any of those car washes.
00:25
I didn't know they existed.
00:27
I'm sure they did now looking back.
00:28
But much like the haunted car wash, I like the idea of I can get my car clean while getting
00:35
hooked up with drugs at the same time.
00:36
You like that idea?
00:37
Yes.
00:38
He loves convenience.
00:39
He loves convenience.
00:41
He loves a two-for-one.
00:44
He really does.
00:45
I'm not saying I'd use it, but I'd like to be able to pick something up while I'm getting
00:50
my car washed.
00:51
I can get my prescription.
00:53
This is why you're not meant for drugs, because really it's not about multitasking.
00:57
Dave just went with it.
00:58
You know, usually you don't really care about getting your car washed.
01:01
You're really just there to probably get the drugs.
01:02
Yeah, most heroin addicts aren't washing their cars.
01:04
I know.
01:05
I can't wait to do this heroin and make sure my car is spotless.
01:09
I got some scratches on my vehicle.
01:10
I'll go pick up my black star heroin and buff those out for me while I tie this arm off.
01:16
It's coming from a guy who's never done drugs.
01:19
Yeah, exactly.
01:21
But just the convenience of it all.
01:23
Dave is thinking more of like, can I get some Advil, cold, and sinus?
01:30
Yes.
01:31
Absolutely.
01:31
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:32
Like my prescriptions.
01:33
Do you have Prevacid?
01:35
Yeah.
01:36
And then as I order, as I'm, you know, approaching the car wash, and then as they're drying my
01:42
car, they come out, they hand me something.
01:44
Thank you so much.
01:46
Got a nice clean car and my prescriptions.
01:48
I'm ready to roll.
01:49
He loves convenience in two for one.
01:51
And he plays this song when he goes through the car wash, too.
01:53
Oh, yeah.
01:54
Super loud.
01:54
He's got it ready.
01:55
He's like, oh, man.
01:56
Yeah, totally.
01:56
Hey, guys!
02:00
I'm looking for heroin.
02:08
I know you guys are felons.
02:10
And if he couldn't get it on the, you know, on his radio, the song, he wouldn't go in.
02:16
He would have, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the line up.
02:19
Don't send me!
02:19
Don't send me!
02:20
Don't send me!
02:21
Don't send me!
02:21
Let that guy go first!
02:22
Let him go first!
02:23
I'm not queued up yet!
02:24
Yeah.
02:25
Oh, this guy can't get any goddamn service.
02:28
He's calling all the radio stations are requested.
02:31
Like, hey, I really need car wash.
02:33
Can you get it on right away?
02:36
Please.
02:38
I'm about to buy some heroin.
02:39
Yeah.
02:41
Come on!
02:41
It's a Motown classic.
02:46
So there was obviously a code word, right?
02:49
Or just that he had phones.
02:51
I mean, I don't think anyone...
02:52
I think...
02:53
Like, I couldn't just go to the car wash and, like...
02:55
Yeah, I don't think so.
02:56
That's how I thought.
02:57
I think the people...
02:58
With a side of snow.
03:00
These guys were more advanced.
03:01
I think they knew their clients.
03:03
Yeah.
03:03
You know what I mean?
03:03
Because they were just going to the back and throwing it over the fence and stuff like
03:06
that.
03:06
It's like, you know, meet me at the car wash there.
03:09
It's not like new customers coming in.
03:11
Like, do you guys have, by chance, have some heroin?
03:15
Right.
03:16
But I will say this.
03:17
I believe weed has been sold this way from the dawn of time.
03:21
Like, when those guys come over and are drying your car off, I guarantee people have been
03:27
like, do you know of any smoke?
03:30
Yeah.
03:30
Is that how you...
03:31
Okay, I'll just decide.
03:31
I think they might offer it before the person asks.
03:33
Oh, really?
03:34
You think so?
03:34
I'll just decide.
03:35
If I was wanting to ask for weed, how would I?
03:38
Like, at the car wash, would I say, do you guys smoke?
03:42
Can I get some smoke?
03:43
Do you have any green?
03:45
I just wouldn't recommend that ever.
03:47
No.
03:47
I mean, because you don't know if they do...
03:49
So I shouldn't, like, cold call people for drugs.
03:50
No, don't cold call.
03:51
You just call.
03:52
You can know a guy.
03:53
You know a guy.
03:54
Yeah.
03:54
I just figure I can just about ask anyone at the car wash, whatever one I go to, if I
04:00
put myself out there, you know?
04:03
Yeah, I'm just not...
04:04
I don't roll in those circles.
04:06
So I'm not sure how to go about it, how to approach it.
04:08
And you talk to me or my buddy.
04:10
Yeah, exactly.
04:11
I mean, I know...
04:11
Oh, I know now.
04:12
I have so many people I could talk to.
04:13
You get the hankering for some heroin, don't go to a car wash, Dave.
04:16
Yeah.
04:18
Someone says, I feel like...
04:19
Keep you out of jail.
04:19
Dave would roll through the car wash playing China Road by the Doobie Brothers.
04:23
Oh, my God.
04:23
Searching weed.
04:26
Hey, guys.
04:30
Listen to these tunes.
04:32
Can you hear the music I'm playing?
04:34
You got it?
04:35
Looking for taking a trip down the old China Road.
04:44
Does he have, like, a bandana on his head or something?
04:47
Oh, sure.
04:48
I'm sure.
04:48
He puts it on at the beginning of the car wash.
04:51
He looks like a Vietnam vet.
04:53
Yeah.
04:53
He does.
04:54
American.
04:55
American bandana.
04:56
He looks like a Vietnam vet.
04:58
Yeah.
04:58
I'll try and make myself look like a drug user.
05:00
Yeah.
05:02
No doubt.
05:04
I would love to see Dave's image of a drug user.
05:07
Like, if you just assigned him to go dress up.
05:10
Dress as you would imagine a drug user would dress.
05:13
Oh, my God.
05:13
And see what he comes up with.
05:14
Oh, my God.
05:15
This song just brought me to bandana.
05:17
Yeah.
05:18
That was very bandana-y.
05:22
Yeah.
05:22
Dave's in a wheelchair.
05:23
He's got no legs.
05:24
He's like Lieutenant Dan.
05:25
He's driving around like Lieutenant Dan.
05:29
It still bothers me to this day, though, that no one has ever offered me drugs.
05:34
I was asked in Chicago where to find Christina.
05:37
Yeah.
05:37
But no one has ever offered me drugs in my life.
05:40
Right.
05:40
That, to me, has got to be some sort of record.
05:43
You'll never be offered drugs.
05:44
No, you'll never ever be.
05:45
Why, though?
05:46
Why?
05:46
Just look at you.
05:46
Just look at you.
05:47
Your only chance to ever be offered drugs is when you grew out that mustache for Movember
05:52
that one time.
05:54
I don't even think that would be like.
05:56
I didn't get pulled into secondary screening at the airport with James.
05:59
Because you look like a man with no hope, and that just didn't care, you know?
06:05
That's what that facial hair said.
06:07
I think that same year, too, somebody offered you and I cocaine on the streets, on the strip,
06:13
and you were all excited about that.
06:15
Was I offered, or was it?
06:16
Well, they might have been coming to me and offered to me, but you were right there by
06:19
proxy, so you kind of got offered.
06:21
You were offered, and I was standing beside you.
06:24
Yeah.
06:24
I mean, I'll take it, I guess.
06:26
Yeah, you got offered it by proxy there.
06:29
James is trying to make Dave feel better.
06:31
Wait, was that one time they offered us cocaine?
06:33
Dave, you're so street.
06:34
You got offered cocaine that one time you're standing by me.
06:38
You're so street.
06:39
You're so street.
06:40
Said no one ever to me.
06:41
Yeah.
06:41
Yeah.
06:42
Yeah.
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