- 2 days ago
Too Much Season 1 Episode 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:14Dear Wendy Jones the thing about my new home London in the country of England in the kingdom of the United
00:21Is that it has space for many kinds of women?
00:25You could be a woman with a secret you keep as locked away as your heart
00:30You could be a strong-willed police sergeant who uses her trauma to solve grisly crimes
00:37Come on up Ned
00:39Your tea will be nice and hot
00:42But the bodies must be getting cold
00:45A turpence for a game of nog-nog
00:48Gentlemen
00:49I've got the moistest hot cross buns in London town
00:53You could be a sex worker with a heart of gold
00:55Who's murdered simply for trying to survive
00:58Or you could be a carefree party girl with her whole life ahead of her
01:07But I and none of these women
01:17No
01:19I'm just a woman who stares at you online, Wendy Jones
01:22Shall we look at Wendy's Instagram?
01:25All day and all night
01:27Hey baby, can you come here for a second?
01:41Oh, fuck!
01:43Oh my god!
01:45No!
01:47Oh my god!
01:52Oh my god!
01:54Stupid!
01:54Fuck!
01:55Oh my god!
01:56This is bullshit!
01:57Oh fuck!
01:58No!
01:59Oh!
02:00Oh!
02:01Oh!
02:02Oh!
02:03Oh!
02:04Oh!
02:05Oh!
02:06Oh!
02:07Oh!
02:08Oh!
02:09Oh!
02:10Oh!
02:11Oh!
02:12Oh!
02:13Oh!
02:14Oh my god
02:14Oh!
02:14Oh!
02:15Oh my god
02:16Oh!
02:21Oh!
02:22Oh!
02:22Oh my god
02:23I like one alcohol
02:23Uh huh
02:24Go ahead
02:24Get outta here
02:24Get outta here
02:26I just wanted to say hi
02:26Hello
02:27Just tappin' by
02:29I mean I have the key so
02:30Here you come
02:30Just come on to get
02:31Maybe I'll
02:31something here
02:34Fuck!
02:34I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on.
02:38I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on, fucker, bitch, whore.
02:43I'm going back for my girl.
02:45Let's go.
02:47You're such a dick.
02:49Here I go. Okay.
02:58It's much better.
03:04Home invasion! Home invasion!
03:28Jess? Hi, how are ya?
03:30What the fuck? Wendy. Wendy, baby.
03:33Wake up.
03:36And there you were, Wendy Jones.
03:38Brooklyn was yours now.
03:40And so was the love of my life.
03:43Jessica?
03:44Yeah, it sure as hell is me.
03:46I'm Jessica. Hi.
03:47Wow, this is really surreal.
03:49Oh, is it so surreal?
03:51Jessica, what the fuck are you doing here?
03:53Hi, fucker! How about that?
03:55Girl, are you good?
03:56No, I'm actually not. And guess what?
03:58You're a fucking bitch.
03:59Wow, you just woke me up and called me a bitch?
04:01Okay.
04:02Oh, God.
04:03Jessica, I've dealt with this before, okay?
04:05Oh, my God.
04:06I want to hold space for how you're feeling,
04:08and I understand that things might not be perfect right now for you,
04:12but you just broke into our home, and it's getting crazy.
04:15It's getting psychotic, okay?
04:18Are you crying?
04:20No, no, I'm not.
04:21No, I just, I don't know.
04:23Nothing like this has ever happened before, you know?
04:25Just nothing, nothing this, this violent.
04:28Well, I mean, it's not violent yet.
04:30Yet?
04:31Are you gonna punch me in the head until I'm bleeding out on the floor?
04:33Can't we just work this out?
04:34You can have a Xanax. We can chill.
04:36Yeah, we can work it out. Sure.
04:37Let's just all sit down with a cup of tea and work it out.
04:40And you, Zev Jeremiah Goldstein, need to sit down
04:44and write on a piece of paper
04:46that leaving me is the worst thing that anyone's ever done!
04:50Okay.
04:51You write that out, fucker!
04:52Okay.
04:53You write that out, blood bastard!
04:54Okay, if you don't leave in the next five seconds,
04:56I swear to God, we're gonna call the police, okay?
04:58Hey, stop!
04:59I'm not walking at you. I'm walking past you, little shorts.
05:02No, I'm gonna give you the kind of five.
05:04Five, four, three, two, one.
05:07Woah.
05:09Killer!
05:10Give me fucking consolation.
05:11Yes, boss!
05:25I may have taken a gnome to your door, Wendy,
05:28but you took an axe to my life!
05:30You stole what was mine and you forced me to move into an intergenerational Grey Gardens hell of single women and one hairless dog.
05:44Laura, please, the nails. The sound is horrible.
05:47The problem is my nails? What about mom's throat sound? What are you doing?
05:51Well, the New York Times says that small motions, see, that these small motions I'm doing right here, they can extend your life by up to 15 years.
06:01I really encourage you to try.
06:04Alan Rickman is so fucking hot. It's one of those faces where you look at first and you're like, hmm, and then you look for longer and you're like, you could get it.
06:13Like, I want to take him out back and then have him put it in my front.
06:17Yeah, really encourage you to try the small motions.
06:19Mom, this is very, very shaming.
06:22Shaming. Shaming. By suggesting that I would like my daughter to walk this earth with me for a little while longer?
06:28You know, I could be the Dalai Lama and you would still find fault with me.
06:31If I hadn't married a Goy, your mother wouldn't have married a Goy and your sister wouldn't have married a Goy and you wouldn't love all these boring Goyish pictures.
06:42The thing about a Christian man is they always end up at the corner bar.
06:49That's the reason you're all single and living in my house.
06:53My Christian man did not end up at the corner bar.
06:55He ended up in Bushwick doing therapeutic ketamine and experimenting with pansexuality.
06:59It's different.
07:00Just remember that I was with a Jew and he still dumped me like I was on fire.
07:04Oh, that'd be so funny.
07:07Please not.
07:08You know, if you bruised yourself up a little, you could make it with him again.
07:11Once you hook up with him, once you go suck him off, see if you can get him to come.
07:15Any day.
07:16Ew!
07:17He has this erotic smell.
07:20It could come right up the stairs.
07:21I always knew.
07:22You know what? Just accept it.
07:24Grandma's going to hook up with your ex-boyfriend.
07:25It's not a big deal.
07:26Well, he's living with another woman right now and she is a model.
07:29I'm 13. I'm not expected to have any plans on a Friday night, but you're all kind of a tragic line-up, don't you think?
07:36Well, don't look at me. All my friends are dead.
07:38We're having a girls' night. What is wrong with you?
07:41Just get the drink.
07:43Goodbye.
07:44See you in hell.
07:45Make sure you put vodka in there.
07:47See you in hell?
07:48How dare you? I'm your fucking mother.
07:51He is so much like his father.
07:53Honestly, you have to rein him in.
07:55You know what I love about this movie is Emma Thompson met her real-life husband of 35 years on this film.
08:02Yes, Greg Weiss.
08:03He is so handsome.
08:04So handsome.
08:05My only consolation?
08:07Love stories set in pastoral England.
08:11The romance.
08:12The honor.
08:13I mean, nobody's fucking an influencer in the works of Jane Austen.
08:21Hi, I'm Jessica Alba.
08:23And I'm talking to you.
08:24The mom waiting in the carpool lane.
08:27Can we, can we cut?
08:29Do you have a hair in your eye?
08:30No, it's just that this isn't the script I approved.
08:33Oh, okay.
08:34It, it's, I don't know what to say.
08:38Like, you have me talking to everyone like they're 1950s housewives.
08:42No, so we had to do some punch-ups to the script because it was just starting to feel a little bit, you know, harsh.
08:47Wait, you did punch-ups?
08:48We get it, like, you know, you have, you have kids, you have jobs, and it's really hard for you, but it's also really depressing.
08:54Why don't we get hair and makeup in so we can get the bangs off of her face?
08:58I don't have bangs.
08:59No bangs.
09:01You know, I think that she's more concerned about the script than the look, and you made a lot of changes that she wasn't able to see until now.
09:07Wow.
09:08I'm gonna go talk to the client about the script.
09:11Uh, I'm the client.
09:13This is my business.
09:14I'm the boss.
09:15So sorry about him.
09:17What a freaking nerd.
09:19I am so over these underprepared Jeffs.
09:23How do they get hired?
09:24And for what it's worth, I mean, I know that you don't have bangs.
09:26You have long layers, obviously.
09:28Yeah.
09:28And you created this amazing company.
09:30And I love Dark Angel.
09:31It was a really influential show for me.
09:33I wanted to be a bike messenger after watching.
09:35Listen, okay, so I have kind of a wild idea.
09:38What if we get Jeff to go take, like, I don't know, a permanent nap?
09:43And you and I can do this together.
09:47You know, shoot it in a few hours.
09:50You and I do it.
09:51You and I shoot it.
09:52Yes.
09:52Um, I don't think you want me.
09:54I'm not very capable.
09:55Uh, yes you are.
09:56Listen, there's nothing that that man knows that you don't.
10:01You are way more capable than him, trust me.
10:04Wait.
10:06Wait, where are you going?
10:08I'm going to go to the bathroom, Jessica Alba.
10:11Why?
10:11Hey, well, hurry back, okay?
10:14Because he's a bed.
10:16Everything is fine.
10:17No.
10:18Chill out.
10:18No, it's not, because I just found you staring into space, gnawing on a Danish with one hand
10:22and trying to pull a chunk out of your hair with the other.
10:24It's under control.
10:25No, it's not.
10:26Dad is.
10:26Jessica Alba just said you ran out of there and left her to be tucked into some random bed
10:30like an orphan in a horror film.
10:32She just asked me to hold it down.
10:34Okay, well, have the AD do it.
10:36He's a people person.
10:36He'll love that.
10:37No, he's not.
10:38He's an ass grabber who somehow snuck by me, too.
10:44You know, people ask me what it's like to work with my sister-in-law.
10:50Ex-sister-in-law.
10:51I have to remind you that you left my sister to explore non-monogamy with a couple who
10:55are both named Cody.
10:56And, you know, I will tell whoever listens to me that we've never had an issue working
11:00together because you slay for me every time.
11:04But something has shifted with you.
11:07You had so much passion and drive and energy when I met you.
11:12You had sparkle.
11:14And now, I don't know, now you're mad.
11:19You're just mad.
11:22You probably haven't noticed because you've been so busy with the Cody's, but I've had
11:25a terrible year.
11:27Not only was I left by the man that I thought I would die with, so was my sister.
11:31And then we moved in with my mother, who lost her house because she's spending too much
11:34money on sweaty Betty apparel.
11:36I used to think I was going to be, like, this great director, really say something about
11:40the female experience.
11:41You know, I wanted to say something.
11:43And then, I had to revise that dream.
11:45And now, I've been working for people for 15 fucking years that wouldn't care if I died.
11:51You took a gun and you were shooting me in the throat and I was laid out on the floor
11:56bleeding.
11:56They would have me replaced by lunch.
11:58No, no, no.
11:58No, no, no.
11:59No guns.
12:00No shooting.
12:00You're fine.
12:02You're fine.
12:03But I get it.
12:05You're unhappy.
12:07Okay, listen.
12:08We are merging with Rattigan and Vine in London.
12:11Congratulations.
12:12And they have asked about finding a super strong producer for this big Christmas ad.
12:19And I want to put you up for it.
12:22I think this might revive the jest that I knew.
12:27At the very least, you won't tell my soon-to-be ex-wife when I show up with a forehead hickey.
12:34You want me to go to London?
12:36You love movies where women fan themselves and die of tuberculosis and shit.
12:42You saw Spice World nine times in the theater.
12:45No, I can't.
12:46I can't leave the city, this beautiful city.
12:48I can't leave New York.
12:49I am New York, baby.
12:51Look at me.
12:52I have a lot.
12:53I have to...
12:54I have...
12:55What, babe?
13:00What do you have?
13:01And then I realized I could do it.
13:11I could go and change my life.
13:13You don't own me, Wendy Jones.
13:17There's the baby.
13:19We'll miss you, Astrid.
13:20You know, I think it took me a long time before I realized that I wasn't fully mothered.
13:28And part of it was post-war attitudes towards maternal obligation, but some of it is just her bad personality.
13:36So I want you to know that no matter how old you get...
13:40And you will.
13:42I will mother you.
13:46I will mother you harder than you can take.
13:49Okay, ouch.
13:50It sounds violent, Mom.
13:51Well, hopefully not.
13:53If this is going on and on, I'm going back inside.
13:59I love you, Grandma.
14:00It's very possible I won't see you again in this lifetime.
14:04So give me a kiss on the lips.
14:08I'm only kidding.
14:10That's embarrassing when someone leans in.
14:12Remember to tickle all the guards at Buckingham Palace.
14:16If anyone can make them smile, it's you.
14:18You've got a lot of spirit.
14:21No waste, but a lot of spirit.
14:24Okay, get her in the house.
14:25Hi.
14:26Americans think British people are snotty and pretentious but smart.
14:30British people think Americans are stupid and vulgar.
14:32But funny.
14:33If you remember that, you should be fine.
14:35Later.
14:35I need to get the hat.
14:38I'll kiss you on the lips of me.
14:40Oh, my baby.
14:41I'll miss you guys.
14:43I love you.
14:44Call me right when you get there.
14:45Don't forget.
14:46Like, how did we survive up until this point?
14:50I don't know.
14:50Oh, wait.
14:51We didn't.
14:52They are so crazy.
14:54I can't believe that you're doing this.
14:56You were the kid who, like, threw up on sleepovers and had to go home by 7.30 p.m.
15:00I guess I'm all grown up.
15:01Ben, I want you to promise me this is important that you're not going to kiss anyone who's missing more than two teeth.
15:06And if they are missing teeth, they have to be in the back, not the front.
15:09But let them go down on me?
15:11Yeah, of course.
15:11That's going to be, like, an interesting kind of gummy sensation.
15:14I don't want that.
15:16Then just remember, okay?
15:21You're my best thing.
15:25I'm going to London.
15:26You might not recognize me.
15:27I had bangs in the last picture.
15:28But it is she.
15:31High five?
15:32Yeah.
15:32Aw.
15:33Wish I was one of your daughters.
15:35Oh, cheers.
15:36Yeah, they're not all mine.
15:37Just some of them.
15:38Do you guys know him?
15:40Are you guys okay?
15:40No, three of my nieces.
15:42We just went to Florida.
15:43Okay, like, that clears your name.
15:45Patient to others.
15:47Kind to yourself.
15:47Open to new experiences.
15:48Close to pain.
15:49Patient to others.
15:50Kind to yourself.
15:51Open to new experiences.
15:52Close to pain.
15:52Yes, I know exactly.
15:58Is that a dog?
16:05Yes.
16:08Oh, a phone booth.
16:09What's that?
16:10It's so funny.
16:11Those phone booths are so funny.
16:13It's like, probably people don't use them, right?
16:21My God, that's fucking him.
16:22Tell us.
16:25Look.
16:25Look.
16:25There you go.
16:26There you go.
16:38It's just doing the lift.
16:39Oh, no, I think we missed it.
16:42I'm looking for Hoxton Grove Estate.
16:44You know, estate grounds, Ferdinke Gardens, archways, some real Merchant Ivory type shit.
16:51I think it's back.
16:53Good luck with that, love.
16:54I just, I don't think this is it.
16:57It is.
16:58I'll tell you.
16:58No.
16:59That's 98.75, please.
17:03Welcome to London.
17:04Last trip, Mama.
17:14When are they coming to fix the dryer?
17:16Too sad because my sheets are still damp.
17:18There's nothing you're not used to.
17:20Excuse me, I told you not to talk about that.
17:22Oh, what?
17:24Oh, guys, I'm sick of this life.
17:26Hello, Troy.
17:36Oh!
17:38Sorry.
17:38I'm Gaz.
17:40Live here in the building.
17:42I've been put in charge of your stay while your host, Bob and Shirley, enjoy their autumn
17:46in Marbella.
17:47It's the life, isn't it, eh?
17:48Who are you?
17:49A little creature.
17:51Hi.
17:51Nice to meet you.
17:53I sure hope you're sweet.
17:54She's not.
17:54Only because I lost me leg.
17:56Nearly.
17:56Nearly lost me leg.
17:57To a ball terrier.
17:59Just down there.
18:01Yeah, we had to put her down.
18:02How did you...
18:03Never mind.
18:04I'll get the door.
18:05It's just a little bit of a nap to it.
18:08All right.
18:09Welcome in.
18:13It's at a state, and I just, yeah, hold a different picture in my head.
18:19I swore I saw crown molding in the description.
18:22Yep.
18:23But, you know, that's like, that's just a stain.
18:25Uh, that actually, I believe, is champagne, uh, stain.
18:29I mean, I'm being so silly.
18:32It's just, it's temporary, right?
18:33Three months.
18:33I'm probably not even going to be home a lot.
18:35I'm probably going to be at, like, amazing parties or something.
18:37Yeah.
18:38Type it in.
18:39That's a really nice photo of you.
18:42That's the one from Murder, She Wrote.
18:45Really?
18:46Okay.
18:47Okay, do you have the keys?
18:49So, nothing was really inspiring me in my closet, and I just, like, I've got this new
18:55knitting machine, and it's just incredible.
18:57I can, like, make these kind of tube styles really easy, so...
19:00Oh, you made me own outfit?
19:02Yeah.
19:02Oh, you can't go to a store and buy an outfit?
19:04Tell me if you think it's, um, crazy cute or crazy crazy.
19:19Oh, my God.
19:20I'm in hell.
19:23Hey, baby.
19:24Can you come here for a second?
19:25Oh, fuck.
19:27Oh, my God.
19:29No, Wendy.
19:41No.
19:42No.
19:42Okay?
19:43I came here to release you, not to replay you again and again.
19:47So, I'll put on my dress, and I'll handle my hair, and I'll go to a random bar.
19:52Sorry, pub.
19:53And I'll let life have its way with me.
19:56Or, you know, maybe I'll have my way with it, with my life.
20:01I'll just, ah, get over there, and I'll have my way with my life.
20:05There you go.
20:06That makes sense.
20:07Where are you from?
20:29Where are you from?
20:30Gentlemen that can't get it up, and women that fart in their sleep.
20:36Welcome to the 100 millionth installment of Easy Come, where we bring you the best musicians
20:42live and direct.
20:44And we're lucky to have with us one of our regulars.
20:47He's the king of excess.
20:48A crystalline raindrop of a boy, along with whatever form his band takes tonight.
20:53I give you Felix and the Fenus.
20:58Yeah, thanks, John.
20:59Here you go.
21:00I would rather lie here in Fenus' lap, like a pearl.
21:22When Mars is red and mad, waging war like a game.
21:37I'm bursting into flames.
21:42Give me that honey.
21:43I just want honey.
21:50It's always a girl.
21:52It's always a girl.
21:57It's always a girl.
21:59It's always a girl.
22:06Oh.
22:12Oh, my God.
22:13Oh, my God.
22:23Fucking hell.
22:25Who's done that?
22:26For fuck's sake.
22:31Yo, sorry.
22:32Have you got any bug oil in there?
22:34Oh, hi.
22:35Hi, I'm sorry.
22:36I'm not telling you no shit or anything.
22:38It's just a total fucking carnage situation in here.
22:40Sorry, are you talking to me?
22:41Uh, yep.
22:43Can you see my hand?
22:44Yeah.
22:45Have you got any bug oil?
22:46Oh.
22:47What do you call it?
22:47Toilet.
22:48Yeah, thank you.
22:49Okay.
22:52Yeah, I just don't want someone to think it was me.
22:54Do you know what I mean?
22:56Look at me.
22:57I've actually done quite a good job of that in here.
23:04Oh, you sing.
23:06You're the singing guy.
23:07Oh, yeah.
23:07Yeah.
23:08Yeah.
23:09It was really nice.
23:10Thanks.
23:10Yeah, bit of a weird song, that one.
23:12I think all the sinks are broken.
23:14Yeah, you can still use the soap, though.
23:15Just rub it in.
23:16No, you can't.
23:17You have to rinse off the soap.
23:19Otherwise, you have germs and soap on your hands.
23:21Plus, you'll be, like, really sticky.
23:22Feel that?
23:24Yeah, you're really sticky.
23:26Won't be in ten minutes, though.
23:27Why?
23:28What are you going to do?
23:28Chop your hands off?
23:30Do you want one of those drinks, by the way?
23:31They're my friends, but they've probably got new ones by now.
23:33Oh, no offense, I would literally never take an open drink from a man,
23:37especially one who doesn't wash his hands.
23:39Fair enough.
23:40Felix, by the way.
23:40Thanks for the book, Will.
23:41Okay, I'm Jessica.
23:44I'm Jessica.
24:00Are you okay?
24:02Fine, yeah.
24:03Are you sure?
24:07You seem kind of...
24:09not okay vibes.
24:11Can I just be where I am, or do I have to smile all the time like some laughing clown?
24:17I mean, you hardly ever smile, but that's one of the things I like about you.
24:23Then when you do smile, it's extra Spanish.
24:28Smile button.
24:29Oh, it's broken.
24:30Doop, doop.
24:34Nope.
24:35Shall I guess?
24:37Later, Felix.
24:38Oh, yeah.
24:40Wow.
24:41Maybe I'll take a Diet Coke whenever you get the chance, but don't worry about it.
24:46I mean, I'm not even thirsty.
24:48I love this place.
24:50It's so indie.
24:52It's awesome.
24:53Oh, my God.
24:54Oh, my God.
25:00Oh, my God.
25:02Hey.
25:02What?
25:04That's funny, seeing you here.
25:06I was literally just thinking about whether you believed me about how it wasn't me pissed
25:10on the toilet seat.
25:11No, I mean, I saw it before.
25:14What are you doing standing on your own under a bridge?
25:17I'm, like, trying to get an Uber.
25:18I don't understand why this is not working.
25:20Do you know where this is?
25:23Yeah, you've ordered that to Heathrow.
25:26Okay.
25:26That explains it.
25:28I guess I'll just walk.
25:30It's probably not that far.
25:32What if you accidentally walk to Heathrow?
25:35I mean, that's a distinct possibility, I guess.
25:38Where are you going?
25:39I feel like it's about to piss it down.
25:41Hoxton Grove Estate?
25:44What?
25:46I bet you thought that meant something else, didn't you, when you saw the word estate?
25:49I mean, I'm not upset.
25:50I just need to adjust my expectations.
25:52I'm always, like, adjusting my expectations.
25:55Let me guess.
25:55Are you, like, one of those love-actually-loving girls?
25:59I don't know.
25:59Is it, like, the crown?
26:00You're obsessed with the crown?
26:01You're on, like, a pilgrimage?
26:01No, I'm not obsessed with the crown.
26:04Thank you very much.
26:06I'm, um, a Wuthering Heights crime suspect rising, I guess.
26:10Shit, okay.
26:11Sorry, I underestimated you.
26:13Yeah, you did.
26:15I mean, I did have a special edition Princess Diana beanie baby.
26:18Yeah, we all had those.
26:20You've got, like, an American accent, right?
26:21No, I'm not.
26:23Um, I don't have that.
26:24I don't have an American accent.
26:25It's Slovakian, actually.
26:27I've actually always liked American things.
26:29Really?
26:29Like what?
26:30The Simpsons.
26:30I actually genuinely like The Simpsons.
26:32Yeah, it's a good show.
26:33Um, Captain Crunch.
26:35Yum.
26:36Delicious.
26:38Oxycontin.
26:39That's American, right?
26:40Big fan of that.
26:40I love that.
26:41Yeah.
26:41Yeah, it's my favorite breakfast.
26:45Sorry, how long have you been here again?
26:47Um, I got in today.
26:50I got here today.
26:51What the fuck?
26:52I know.
26:53What are you doing in, like, South London without any of your friends?
26:56Well, do you want me to tell you the truth?
27:00My ex-boyfriend and I split up six months ago because he couldn't see himself as, like, a father and a husband.
27:06And now he's engaged to, like, an online girl, like an influencer.
27:12She makes lip gloss.
27:13Do you want me to murder them?
27:14Yeah.
27:15I want you to cut their heads off and sew them back on as a lesson.
27:19I don't want you to fully kill them, but I'll root you on.
27:23You're cold, by the way.
27:25I've got this.
27:26No, I run hot.
27:28Yeah.
27:29I'm, like, sweating.
27:32Do you want to walk?
27:33Are you going to my house?
27:35Well, I don't want you to get murdered on your first night in London.
27:37That's really nice.
27:40No, I'm sort of semi-squatting with a friend near this area called Angel.
27:44We actually live, like, right across from the internet.
27:46It's really doing my head in.
27:47The internet?
27:49Yeah, like, one of the big companies, like, the internet companies.
27:51It's really stressing me out, because, like, when I wake up in the morning,
27:54like, we live literally right opposite this building.
27:57So I'm, like, have they just been beaming internet signals,
27:59like, straight into my brain and, like, my crotch all night?
28:02Do you know what I mean?
28:03That sounds really, like, sexual.
28:06What, like, I'm being fucked by the internet?
28:08Yeah.
28:08That's how it feels.
28:09I feel like I've been fucked all night by this internet building.
28:12That's disgusting.
28:14I actually heard my neighbour yell cunt really loudly
28:18and then, like, throw her husband up against the wall,
28:21at least that's what it sounds like.
28:23What, in, like, where you're going now?
28:25Mm-hmm, where I'm going now.
28:27Dark, okay.
28:28I know, I don't know why I said that.
28:29What a bummer.
28:30You're sure it's this far?
28:32Oh, this is, like, a two-hour affair, at least.
28:34Oh, so now we're having an affair?
28:38I'm actually getting really cold.
28:41Oh, yeah?
28:42Do you want my jacket?
28:44Yes, please.
28:45It's kind of blustery, like,
28:46when you're surrounded by tall buildings, right?
28:48Yeah.
28:49Do you need a hand?
28:51There you go.
28:53Fucking hell, are you going to blow away?
28:57I'm actually really hot now, sorry.
28:58What?
28:59Yeah, immediately hot.
29:00This is a whirlwind.
29:01All right, yeah.
29:03Okay.
29:03Well, do you want to come up
29:07and see my new, horrible, shitty new apartment?
29:10Your apartment?
29:12Oh, my God, my apartment sucks.
29:15I don't sound like that.
29:18Yeah, sure, all right.
29:21This isn't horrible at all.
29:23It's kind of homey.
29:25Mm-hmm.
29:26It's like being in grandma's suitcase or something.
29:29I quite like it.
29:30Oh, my God, who is that?
29:32How'd you get in here?
29:34What is that?
29:37Is that your dog?
29:39She's a weirdo, but she's an iconic queen.
29:42Hey.
29:44I mean, I guess we're all weirdos, aren't we?
29:46I adopted her when she was nine.
29:48She's ten now.
29:49She had a cancerous lump on her lungs,
29:51so I emptied out my savings and got it removed,
29:54and now she's just a cancer-free lump.
29:56Oh.
29:57Hey.
29:58Hi, lumpkin.
30:00Okay, she's not wearing any clothes.
30:01Stop looking at me.
30:02Okay.
30:04Does she have a favourite song?
30:07Um, probably anything by Fiona Apple.
30:10Oh.
30:11Tidal's a good album.
30:13Well, it's the first CD I ever owned.
30:19Tidal?
30:20Not like Backstreet Boys or
30:22that song about how it's just a little crush or whatever?
30:25Who'd leave you?
30:34Fuck that guy.
30:36Well, you don't know him.
30:37Maybe he's amazing.
30:38Maybe you guys would be best friends.
30:39No, I don't think we'd be best friends.
30:42I don't think we'd be best friends.
30:49Um...
30:49Oh, sorry.
30:56Sorry.
30:56Are you sick?
31:01No, I'm just, like, seeing someone.
31:03Oh.
31:03Like, it's not, it's probably not going to work out, but just because it's been a few months.
31:08Yeah, um, sure.
31:10I'm just, I'm trying to do stuff a bit differently, like, so I feel like...
31:13I was kidding.
31:14I'm so tired.
31:15I just, um, I gotta work.
31:18Not tonight.
31:18I'm not, like, a night worker.
31:19I'm not, like, a cop.
31:21Okay.
31:21I shouldn't have even went out tonight.
31:24Where's my bed?
31:25Gotta go to, I feel like I'm asleep right now.
31:29I mean, do you want to hang out, like, at another time?
31:31Yeah, hope you have a nice, amazing night.
31:32Yeah, good to meet you, too.
31:33Do you want to, like, swap, you know, like, numbers or...
31:36I need to go to sleep.
31:38Cool.
31:38Okay.
31:39All right.
31:40Get out of here, I'll catch you again.
31:42I'm kidding.
31:43All right.
31:43Yeah.
31:44See you later.
31:44You don't have a bag or something.
31:46No, I didn't.
31:46Okay.
31:47You're okay, yeah?
31:48I hope to see you singing around town.
31:50Cool.
31:50All right.
31:51Bye.
31:54I saw a bug!
32:05Dear, dear Wendy Jones, I'm no longer dreaming of a new life.
32:08I'm living it.
32:09I'm going to take a lover.
32:11Not the guy that was here tonight.
32:12He's kind of weird, but a different lover.
32:14Many lovers.
32:15We're all going to make love or something like that.
32:19The fire of my passion cannot be extinguished.
32:22Oh, my God!
32:25Oh, my God!
32:26Stop, drop, and roll!
32:28Stop!
32:29Drop, and roll!
32:30Oh, my God!
32:31You move like honey in my dream last night.
32:43Yeah, some old fires were burning.
32:50You came to me.
32:51Oh, my God!
32:51You came to me.
32:52You came to me.
32:56Oh, my God!
32:579-1-1!
32:589-1-1!
33:00Or is it different here?
33:029-0-1-9-9-9?
33:06I feel, like, really dizzy.
33:07Like, I feel like I'm going to pass out or something.
33:10Can you unlock the door for us, Mum?
33:13I just feel like I'm really going to go down.
33:16Yeah, I'm not drunk.
33:17If you thought I was drunk, I'm not drunk.
33:20Yeah, look, we're very dear friends.
33:21Very, very close.
33:22If any last-minute operations or decisions, I'm your guy.
33:26All right?
33:27So, what's going on?
33:28Did she do it on top of someone?
33:29Before we go, we needed to get her under some cold water.
33:33Like, um, pasta?
33:34What, Mum?
33:35Like, um, pasta?
33:37I'm burned, and this little guy's just spraying me.
33:40I'm fine.
33:42Just keep breathing.
33:43Just keep breathing like you're giving birth to twins.
33:46Wait, where's my dog?
33:47You guys aren't watching my dog.
33:49If she was a kid, you guys would be watching her.
33:51You only care about kids.
33:52You don't care about dogs.
33:54What about that little goat?
33:55It was a Heather's cat.
33:56Stay with me.
33:59You all right?
34:02And by God, Wendy, there he was.
34:05My Mr. Darcy.
34:07My Rochester.
34:08My Alan Rickman.
34:10My...
34:11Felix.
34:12My grandfather.
34:13This is my official show.
34:24Like, everything.
34:26You come around my London, London bridge
34:29Wanna go down like London, London, London
34:31Wanna go down like London, London, London
34:34We goin' down like
34:35Great goose got your guilt in the news
34:37Now I'm wishin' that I didn't wear these shoes
34:39It's like every time I get up on the dude
34:42Paparazzi put my business in the news
34:45And I'm like, get up out my face
34:47Or I turn around and spray your ass with me
34:49My lips make you wanna have a taste
34:52You got that? I got the bait
34:55How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
35:00Wanna go down like
35:01London, London, London
35:02Wanna go down like
35:03London, London, London
35:05We goin' down like
35:06How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
35:10Wanna go down like
35:11London, London, London
35:13Wanna go down like
35:14London, London, London
35:15We goin' down like
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