- 6/21/2025
#CinemaJourney
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I really want one of those blackberries, but I just feel like I'm going to eat it and it's going to go...
00:04You just need to drop it in like Usher doing the cherries.
00:10There you go. There you go, mate. It was sexy as well.
00:15Happy with that.
00:18Ah! What? I'm so happy for you.
00:21Oh, how dare you?
00:24Go on, try that.
00:25Twacky, twacky.
00:26No! Oh, stop it.
00:28Ooh, trickier, ooh.
00:30Why's she dressed as a pilgrim father?
00:33No.
00:35This is what we've tuned in for.
00:38I'm down for beers and bans.
00:39That's what you want.
00:40Crisp is a word I probably use.
00:42Crisp is good.
00:42Oh, I'm happy.
00:43Yeah.
00:44That makes me happy.
00:45Fishburby!
00:47It's literally the greatest moment of my life.
00:51In a weekly bit of fun farewell to TV cleaning legend Kim Woodburn,
00:55we enjoyed lots of great telly.
00:58The hardest working man in pop was on his travels on ITV.
01:03I'm Gary Barlow from Take That.
01:06There's a big audience out there, and we're ready.
01:09And we're on a huge world tour.
01:11I saw Jason Orange the other day, and I've got to tell you this, the truth,
01:14no-one sees him, and everyone's looking for him on Reddit.
01:16This is true.
01:16And he did like a traitors.
01:18When he realised I'd recognised him, I was in Muswell Hill, this is God's honest truth.
01:22I was like, that's Jason Orange.
01:24And he went like this.
01:25What, he hid?
01:26Hood, and sort of smiled and scurried off.
01:28And then I Googled it, and no-one knows where he is.
01:31What did you Google?
01:33Where's Jason Orange?
01:34Where's Jason Orange?
01:35What's he been up to?
01:36Does he live in Muswell Hill?
01:38We went back to simpler times on Channel 4.
01:42Making butter could be a sport.
01:44What's a lint-a-time?
01:45But you can get the time in here, can't you?
01:47Can I make butter quicker than you?
01:49There isn't one bit of England that someone hasn't stuck a camera into.
01:53There isn't one piece of cheese, there isn't one butter churn,
01:56there isn't anything in the whole country that a camera hasn't filmed with someone going,
02:01Can I help you with that?
02:02Can I do a little bit badly for you?
02:05And the bed-hopping began on ITV2.
02:09Is everyone happy now in their new couples?
02:12I don't even feel like I need to say it to you much, lad.
02:16I am glad, though, that I'm not in the dating game anymore.
02:20And to be clear, I never was.
02:21How did you meet your missus?
02:23Well, I did the classic move of working with her for a year.
02:27Oh, okay.
02:27Player!
02:29He got game!
02:35In North London.
02:39Want a crisp?
02:40No.
02:41Why not to eat crisps?
02:42Why not?
02:43I'm just trying to, you know, keep it real.
02:46Steven and his sister Anita.
02:49I did the marathon and what happens is you stop running and you just eat for six months.
02:53So I'm going to try not to do that.
02:55Oh, I see.
02:56So you try not to eat?
02:57Well, I'm trying not to eat rubbish.
02:59I see, yeah.
03:00Because you think you can eat anything when you're running that much and then you stop
03:04running and then you carry on eating that much.
03:05I love the way you just got that in there because I've just done the marathon.
03:08I just like to drop that into every occasion.
03:10Excuse me, do you know that I just run the marathon a few weeks ago?
03:14Hello?
03:153.56 in 22 seconds.
03:17Oh, my God.
03:19On Friday, Gary Barlow was enjoying some culinary delights down under on ITV.
03:25I'm into my wine at the minute, aren't I?
03:29Yeah, you have really got into wine.
03:31Oh, I love it.
03:32Every time I ring you, it's like, yeah, I've just enjoyed a bottle of red.
03:35And I'm like...
03:36He's aged better, actually.
03:37He looks much better now than when he was first and take that.
03:41Really?
03:42Yeah.
03:43Men do seem to age well.
03:44Don't we?
03:45Generally.
03:46Most men.
03:47No.
03:48He had a good lockdown, didn't he, Harlow?
03:50What do you mean?
03:54What did he do in lockdown?
03:55He played his piano a lot online.
03:57Did he?
03:58Yeah.
03:59Someone was watching him a lot on lockdown.
04:01He couldn't stop him, couldn't not watch him.
04:07I'm hundreds of miles from the nearest city.
04:09Alice Springs!
04:10We've been there.
04:11Yeah.
04:12But I'm not quite as alone as I look.
04:14Oh, he's got company.
04:16Who is it?
04:17Because unless I'm hallucinating...
04:20Ronan!
04:21I'd swear that was Ronan Keaton coming towards me.
04:24What's he doing there?
04:25Oh, it's boy band heaven.
04:26Gary!
04:27Yes!
04:28Yes!
04:29What are the chances?
04:30I hate things like this on programmes like this because...
04:35It's not a surprise, Gary.
04:36It's not a surprise.
04:37You've come in production, I've told you.
04:38They've told you.
04:39Ronan Keaton's not walked there across Australia.
04:42Don't you bring me to all the nice places.
04:44Look at this.
04:45Sworn enemies up until ten minutes ago.
04:48That's the truth.
04:50That's the truth.
04:51I've got another surprise for Ronan.
04:53He should like this one.
04:54They're actually very similar, aren't they?
04:56Yes, they are.
04:57They're slowly turned into the same person, aren't they?
04:59I think that's what Gary Barlow shows about.
05:00He just slowly turns everyone into Gary Barlow.
05:02Yeah.
05:03We try our hands at creating a sound that's become synonymous with Australia's indigenous culture.
05:09Beatty.
05:10I sense a didgeridoo will be upon him.
05:13Oh!
05:14The didgeridoo.
05:15It's going to be the didgeridoo.
05:16So we've come to a sand dune for a didgeridoo masterclass.
05:20I'd love to have a go on one of them.
05:22I think quite hard.
05:23I don't know.
05:24There's no buttons, is there?
05:25To learn all about the rhythms of this ancient mystical instrument.
05:29Are they not allowed one?
05:30They've got to play the sticks.
05:31Yeah, there's only one.
05:32They can only afford one.
05:33You know what I really, really wanted to see today?
05:36Yeah.
05:37Is Gary Barlow and Roni Keaton banging sticks together?
05:40You said that before we started this.
05:42I did, yeah.
05:44Love that sound of the didgeridoo.
05:46Absolutely.
05:47You can't not love that sound.
05:49All day with that buzzing around your nut, eh?
05:52That'll twist your melon.
05:54So all of this is created by mouth.
05:56By mouth.
05:57We're like a Scottish bagpipe.
05:58Oh, it's like a bagpipe.
06:00So that they have to blow hard like...
06:02You blow in a strange way.
06:04Where your breath is on the chit and on the dew.
06:06Huh?
06:07What did he say?
06:08So I'm going to spit up.
06:09So, tuwaki, tuwaki.
06:10Go on, try that.
06:11Tuwaki, tuwaki.
06:12So, tuwaki, I leap out of the water going, tuwaki, tuwaki.
06:15Then I come up to the part where I'm going to breathe and go...
06:17He's been like the worst teacher in the whole world.
06:20I haven't got a single clue what he's talking about.
06:23There must be an easier way to explain this.
06:27Air here, air here.
06:29Mouth.
06:30Didge.
06:31Air, air.
06:32Two forces meeting.
06:33Oh, shut up.
06:34Can I just say, it's a didgeridoo.
06:37All you've got to do is just blow?
06:38Yes.
06:39Hum at the back of your throat and just go...
06:40Didgeridoo.
06:41Didgeridoo.
06:42Didgeridoo.
06:43Didgeridoo.
06:44Didgeridoo.
06:45Didgeridoo.
06:46Didgeridoo.
06:47Didgeridoo.
06:48Didgeridoo.
06:49Didgeridoo.
06:50Didgeridoo.
06:51Didgeridoo.
06:52Didgeridoo.
06:53That's it, that's it.
06:54Didgeridoo.
06:55Didgeridoo.
06:56I love it.
06:57Ruiners involved now.
06:58I think you might be winding them up.
06:59I think it is.
07:00I feel like Ant and Death are going to come out in a second.
07:02And they're going to go...
07:03And an earpiece the whole time.
07:05Listen.
07:06That's the didgeridoo.
07:07That's the didgeridoo.
07:08Oh, didgeridoo.
07:09Yeah, where's the do?
07:10Then the do.
07:11Not massively different.
07:13Put them together.
07:17He literally used to say didgeridoo.
07:19Didgeridoo.
07:20Didgeridoo.
07:21Didgeridoo.
07:22Didgeridoo.
07:23Didgeridoo.
07:24Didgeridoo.
07:25Didgeridoo.
07:26Didgeridoo.
07:27Didgeridoo.
07:28What was the thing I need to do?
07:29Oh, no.
07:30He's not going to have a go, is he?
07:31Didgeridoo.
07:32Did you do that?
07:33Except that Sam's muffling it.
07:38Excuse me.
07:39Thanks, mate.
07:40And with that, we're both back where we started.
07:44On the rhythm section.
07:45Gary didn't have a go.
07:46Why isn't Gary going to have a go?
07:48He doesn't want to make an idiot of himself.
07:50Oh, okay.
07:57Is this really...
07:58I feel like I'm hallucinating.
07:59What, would you rather play the maracas or didgeridoo?
08:02Well, the maracas are easy, but I play both equally as bad.
08:08In Oxford...
08:09What's your favourite snack?
08:10I like...
08:11I like cheese.
08:12I've seen you snacking.
08:13I like cheese and biscuits.
08:14Oh!
08:15Yeah, I do too.
08:16See?
08:17But then I have to have a glass of red wine.
08:18Yeah, of course you do.
08:19Only a glass.
08:20Friends Anton and Craig.
08:22What's your favourite cheese then?
08:23What's your favourite cheese then?
08:24I like Stilton's.
08:25Mine is Port Salute.
08:27Really?
08:28Do you know that one?
08:29I don't know that.
08:30It's a soft cheese, isn't it?
08:31It's soft-ish.
08:32Where's it from?
08:34Pont Salute.
08:35It's French, darling.
08:36Okay.
08:37I don't know if it was from Cornwall.
08:38Your name is Antoine Dubic.
08:39I thought you might be able to speak French.
08:40Bonjour.
08:41Bonjour.
08:42Bonjour.
08:43Bonjour.
08:44Come on, probably.
08:45On Wednesday, the clock carried on ticking on Channel 4 in another brain-busting mid-afternoon episode
08:53of this.
08:54Do you dance to the music?
08:55No.
08:56Do you?
08:57Yes.
08:58Okay, you're going to dance now?
08:59Probably.
09:00Okay.
09:01Best in tune.
09:02In the game.
09:03We haven't got pen and paper, so we're just going to do this bareback.
09:07Wednesday, June the 18th, and the last regular show of Series 91 of Countdown.
09:13It's 91.
09:14That's why I'm...
09:15It's just flown by, isn't it?
09:16So how many years is 91?
09:1891 years.
09:19It can't be 91 years, though, can you?
09:22That can't be.
09:23Let's introduce our champion, two wins in the bag.
09:26Looking to make it a hat-trick, and then Mel Smith can relax.
09:29That's not Mel Smith.
09:30It is.
09:31Mel, you're first to draw.
09:32Hello, Rachel.
09:33Can I have a consonant, please?
09:35Here we go.
09:36See if you're any good at these four now.
09:38Okay, let's see.
09:39Another consonant, please.
09:40S.
09:41S.
09:42I love the sound of the letters going in.
09:44I do.
09:45The flunk.
09:46Yeah, the...
09:47It's lovely.
09:48And a consonant.
09:49K.
09:50Ooh.
09:51I'm out.
09:52Task.
09:53Katsu.
09:54And another consonant.
09:55S.
09:56Sept...
09:57No.
09:58Cactus.
09:59Piss.
10:00Piss.
10:01Sips.
10:02Sips.
10:03Katsu.
10:04Like chicken katsu.
10:05Chicken katsu curry.
10:06Yeah, I heard you the first time.
10:07Oh, yeah, there is a double S. P-I-S-S-E-T.
10:10Piss it.
10:11Does that say piss take?
10:12P-I-S-S-T-A-K-E.
10:13Piss take.
10:14Pasties.
10:15Oh, very good.
10:16Pasties is seven.
10:17How would you look at that and see anything other than piss take?
10:18That would be a piss take.
10:19Mel.
10:20Six.
10:21Six.
10:22Oh, well done.
10:23Oh, only six.
10:24Nice bigger than yours, Mel.
10:25And for Steve.
10:26Uh, seven.
10:27Oh, you got a seven.
10:28Oh, what's he got?
10:29Mel.
10:30P-I-S-T-I-S-T-I-S.
10:31You got a seven?
10:32Ooh.
10:33What's he got?
10:34P-I-S-T-I-S.
10:35Ooh, nice.
10:36P-I-S-T-I-S.
10:37P-I-S-T-I-S.
10:38P-I-S-T-I-S.
10:39Oh, well done.
10:40Oh, only six.
10:41Oh.
10:42Nice bigger than yours, Mel.
10:43And for Steve.
10:44Uh, seven.
10:45Oh, he's got a seven.
10:46Ooh, what's he got?
10:47Mel.
10:48P-I-S-T-I-S-T-I-S.
10:49Oh, nice.
10:55Oh, Steve, Stephen, Steve, Stephen.
10:58You've got to be a Steve to be good at this game.
11:00And another consonant.
11:02R.
11:03Rain.
11:03Rain.
11:04Rain.
11:05Rain.
11:05And another vowel.
11:07O.
11:08O.
11:11Necrophiliac.
11:12It's worth a pun.
11:13A final H.
11:15Cro-Croatia.
11:19H-O-R, just need a W, double O-D.
11:23Good, OK.
11:24Is there any chance we could use the ones that we've got, though?
11:26Cornea.
11:27Crohn.
11:27Cornea.
11:28Is that a word?
11:28C-O-R.
11:30C-O-R-N-E-A.
11:32I've injured my cornea.
11:35I've got seven.
11:36Are you joking me?
11:38No, I've got seven.
11:38What have you got?
11:40Chayner.
11:45Horne.
11:48Chayner.
11:50Stop.
11:50Let me think.
11:51Let me think.
11:52Hold on.
11:53I'm just smoking a celebratory imaginary fan.
11:55Let me think.
11:58Mel.
11:58Seven.
11:59Seven?
12:00Oh, she's got seven.
12:01Mel.
12:02Hornier.
12:03Hornier?
12:06Mel.
12:06And what word have you got?
12:08Oh, no, it could be a hornier type of animal.
12:11Like, I mean, to do with real horns.
12:13Not the horn that you're thinking.
12:17Couldn't it?
12:17That's a hornier creature.
12:19Put it into a sentence for me.
12:22That bull has hornier horns than the other bull.
12:27Okay, Rachel, can we start with a consonant, please?
12:29Thank you, Steve.
12:30P.
12:31Okay, another go.
12:32And a consonant, please.
12:34Y.
12:35Pre-lentil.
12:36Yop.
12:37Yop.
12:38And a consonant.
12:40N.
12:41Yen.
12:41Yen.
12:42I've got it first.
12:43Puny.
12:44And another consonant.
12:46S.
12:46Oh, penis.
12:47Penis is there, which is an anagram of spine.
12:50Penis-y.
12:51They could be, this man is much more penis-y than the other man.
12:55I'm always so rude.
12:57Finish with M.
12:59Good luck.
13:00Good luck.
13:01Even he went, good luck.
13:02Try not to say it.
13:03Colin knows it says penis.
13:05Penis.
13:05Penis.
13:07I've got a silly five.
13:13I can't say anything other than penis and anus now.
13:17One of them, one of them is going to say penis.
13:19Penis-y Bill.
13:19She's done hornier.
13:20Will she say penis?
13:22Here comes penis.
13:25Give me a number, Steve.
13:27Only a five, I'm sorry.
13:29No need to apologise, sir.
13:30Mel?
13:31Just a five.
13:31Apologise immediately.
13:33Why is he flirting with Mel?
13:34I know.
13:35Do you know what I mean?
13:35They don't want to hear it from you, Steve.
13:37Steve, what have you got?
13:38Manes.
13:39Oh.
13:41Oh, come on.
13:42Steve, you could have said penis.
13:43He's not going to say penis on television.
13:45Mel will.
13:46She's absolute filth.
13:47Done for you.
13:49Manes.
13:50No.
13:50No one said penis.
13:52Got it.
13:52They've got five anyway.
13:54At least have a laugh.
13:54Just say penis.
13:55It's so true.
13:56Where's your personality?
13:56Do you know what I mean?
13:57Come on, Mel.
13:58I'll tell you the longest word I know.
13:59Yeah?
14:00Yep.
14:01Pseudo-anti-disestablishmentarianism.
14:03And means what?
14:05It means pretending that you're against the disestablishment of the church from the state.
14:12I don't know why the fuck anyone would do that, but I know that word.
14:15But who would pretend?
14:17Do you ever use that word?
14:18No.
14:19In Clapham, we speak of little else.
14:22In Manchester.
14:33Fucking hell, ew.
14:34What can we say about the dam?
14:36Well, you know what?
14:37Remember how New York used to be?
14:39Well, yeah, before, yeah.
14:40Yeah, no, it's like that's what's happened to Amsterdam.
14:43It's being cleaned up to, like, almost unrecognisable.
14:48Good friends Sean and Bess.
14:50But, yeah, I noticed, right, the lack of shawamas.
14:55It used to be shawama, shawama, shawama, shawama everywhere.
14:58And there were no shawamas.
15:01I had to, like, stick my head in a gaff that just didn't look like a...
15:05A shawama gaff.
15:06Yeah.
15:07I'm surprised at the lack of shawamas.
15:09Honestly, it's, like, a different place.
15:13In South London...
15:14How much do you do around the house?
15:16Because I'm away so much, when I get home,
15:18I know how much cooking and cleaning and stuff my missus has done.
15:22Yeah.
15:22So I try to get stuck in as much as I can.
15:25Right.
15:25Good mates Rory and Ramesh.
15:28Well, I made lunch for my wife yesterday,
15:31and she said the direct quote was,
15:34this is a nice change.
15:35I do think there's part of her that probably suspects
15:39that her life would be better if I wasn't around.
15:42Do you know what I mean?
15:44And I...
15:45And I respect it.
15:49Let's be honest, if you just...
15:51If you just said your finances would be at the same level...
15:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:54..then I think she'd probably kill me.
15:55On Friday night,
15:58Weatherfield's finest were on the warpath again on ITV.
16:02I'd done something in Coronation Street,
16:04I could never tell anyone.
16:06I went to a party there once.
16:08I won't let you know what happened, but it was...
16:10What, you mean on set?
16:11On set.
16:12Yeah, at the back of the Rovers.
16:14Coronation Street.
16:15All right.
16:16The funniest of the soaps, am I wrong?
16:18What's the concept?
16:18Is it one street?
16:26Is it like Sesame Street?
16:29It's just the area, isn't it?
16:31It's not...
16:31Big Bird's going to make it a bit.
16:35That's only my favourite, Mrs Snufflepuggers.
16:37Mrs Snufflepuggers, like Oscar.
16:39In the episode, we dropped into Rye's roles
16:42and a tense stand-off between Lou and Maria.
16:45Do you want something?
16:46What?
16:47Me and my family are decent people.
16:49I'd prefer if you kept your distance.
16:51Oh, no.
16:52Hold on, hold on, hold on.
16:54That's a bold opener, isn't it?
16:55Yes, I mean...
16:56You scumbag.
16:57Yeah.
16:57Just stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours.
17:00Oh.
17:02Judgey, judgey, judgey.
17:03That's what you're like.
17:04Judgey, judgey.
17:05Ha, ha, ha.
17:06Ta-ra, ta-ra.
17:07Oh, bye.
17:08Oh, it's Audrey.
17:09Huh?
17:10Mm-hmm.
17:11Let's see Audrey's still on it.
17:13Yeah.
17:13Well, Audrey used to be in Rent-A-Ghost.
17:15Oh, dear.
17:17Something wrong here.
17:18Oh, I don't know.
17:20I just...
17:21Like I said, I feel like I'm trying so hard to fit in round here
17:24and no-one wants to know me.
17:25Well, no-one wants to know Lou.
17:27Right, not what I...
17:28Because her old fella killed the cop, killed Craigie.
17:32Did her?
17:33Yeah.
17:33So her husband's been done for murder and she's just trying to fit in now?
17:36She never has any luck, does she?
17:37She never does no luck with an eye look.
17:39I'm not on about Audrey.
17:40Oh, right.
17:41No, I'm on about you.
17:41Oh, bloody hell.
17:43Well, I think everybody's still very angry with that husband of yours.
17:47So who's...
17:48I just think everybody's a bit miffed with your husband for killing that police officer.
17:56He's a cheeky bugger, isn't he?
17:59David was supposed to take this to the bank, but I haven't seen Hyde nor heard of him.
18:03She's not daft.
18:04Did you see her eyes light up when Audrey was doing the till?
18:07Yeah.
18:07I can take it if you like.
18:09No, no, it's all right.
18:12Shona can give it to him and give him a kick up the backside.
18:15She's been in a lot of plates here, Audrey, isn't she?
18:17Yeah.
18:17This is her in the scene.
18:19Hold on.
18:20Hold on.
18:21What do you want?
18:22No, you take it.
18:23No, no.
18:25You take it.
18:26No, you.
18:27No.
18:28Which one of you will take it?
18:30A bit later and everyone had popped round to David Platt's for a barbecue.
18:35She said it was a deal breaker.
18:36Why is David so iconic?
18:38This is the fellow that's just one big brother.
18:41And a couple load of that.
18:44I saw that last time I came.
18:45What is it?
18:47Oh, David loves his new table today.
18:50Right, everyone, nibbles.
18:51No, not on there.
18:53Seriously, don't put them on there.
18:56Come on.
18:57So it's for a massive chat about a table.
18:59I was going to say, what, are they all just talking about the one piece of table?
19:01Yeah, it's a big topic in the house, sods.
19:03That must have been a local tree.
19:04All right, Barry Keoghan's got the same one, apparently.
19:07No, he has.
19:08Who's Barry Keoghan?
19:09Barry Keoghan, the actor.
19:11Barry Kean.
19:12Is it called Kean?
19:14From Saltburn.
19:15David.
19:17Oh.
19:17Here.
19:18What do you want me to do with this?
19:20What is it?
19:21It's cash from the salon.
19:23Oh.
19:23She's got an A on that cash from the salon again, Lou.
19:26Blotting and scheming.
19:28It's like a front for a heroin business, isn't it?
19:30Audrey would be right on it, wouldn't she?
19:32Yeah.
19:37She ironed up the coffee table.
19:38She is as well.
19:40She's seen that coffee table.
19:41Is that Barry Keoghan's one?
19:42I was snicking the cat.
19:48Mm-mm.
19:49Don't do it, Lou.
19:50Don't do it, Lou.
19:56Should I put it back?
19:56Put it back.
19:57Good choice.
20:00I knew it.
20:01Oh.
20:02Oh, how dare you.
20:04Oh, I was just looking for something.
20:05Yeah, I know exactly what you were doing, you thieving cow.
20:07Oh, thieving cow.
20:08See, that's what I would have called it to.
20:09I was looking for a brown envelope, but I brought my own brown envelope with me.
20:13Saw a brown envelope there, I thought, oh, is that my brown envelope?
20:16No, that's the one with all the money in it.
20:18Yeah, that's got the money.
20:19I don't want that one.
20:19My one's the one without the money in it.
20:21Yeah.
20:21Which is, um, so if you do see that, let me know.
20:25Anyway, love this coffee table.
20:27I know you're up to summit.
20:28Oh, why are you naked?
20:29You're going nowhere.
20:31What are you doing?
20:32Get off of it, Maria.
20:34You're going nowhere.
20:35You're going to sit on that coffee table, love.
20:37They're going to smash the table.
20:38David's going to be livid.
20:40Don't fight near the table.
20:42Shut up.
20:42Captain, know it all.
20:43All right, I think we're going to have to send out for pizza.
20:45I wouldn't even give that to David the duck.
20:48No.
20:49What was that?
20:50The table.
20:51Barry Cougar's coffee table.
20:53Oh.
20:56No.
21:00What was that, smash?
21:01You know what it was, David.
21:02It's your coffee table, mate.
21:04Oh, my arm is killing me.
21:05Oh, you're joking.
21:07Are you okay?
21:08You're joking.
21:09You're joking.
21:10You're joking.
21:11You're joking.
21:11You're joking.
21:11You're joking.
21:12That was Barry Kiergens' one.
21:15I didn't fall.
21:16I'm not drunk.
21:18She pushed me.
21:19Oh.
21:20Oh.
21:21Come on.
21:23Who's standing on what side?
21:24She was rummaging through that bag, yeah?
21:26And I said to her, what are you playing at?
21:28She said nothing.
21:29So I said, right, okay, show me your pockets then.
21:31She did.
21:31Look at them all standing around there like it's fucking Cluedo.
21:36I like how she's explaining everything and poor old David's there just looking at his table.
21:42Just looking through.
21:44Just picking up the bits.
21:46Why does everyone always think the worst of me?
21:50I don't.
21:51You know, if you don't believe me, just look and she's on his bag.
21:54Oh.
21:54Well, he's still here.
21:58Still, she's guilty.
22:00But it's not all Arrow, is it?
22:01Is it not?
22:02Why is the painting of Jim Broadbent behind her?
22:06Oh, yeah.
22:08Do you reckon that was a real table they used?
22:10Or was it a stunt table?
22:11I hope not.
22:13It's going to keep me up tonight.
22:15I'm not going to stop thinking about that coffee table, Claire.
22:17Sorry, Matt.
22:17In Essex.
22:27Did you enjoy your father's day?
22:28I did, Claire.
22:29It was a perfect day.
22:32You and the boys got me some crisps, chocolate and beer, and then just left me alone for the day.
22:36The Buckleys.
22:37I sat there and I watched...
22:39What did you do?
22:40I watched Lethal Weapon 1 through 4.
22:43Four Lethal Weapon films in one day.
22:45It was perfect.
22:46How come on Mother's Day, it's like, well, you want to spend it with the kids, go and do something with the kids?
22:52On Father's Day, it's like, well, you can go and play golf or watch Lethal Weapon.
22:59I don't make the rules, babe.
23:02I just fucking love them.
23:04This week, more Cotswold capers were keeping us entertained on Prime Video.
23:09Do you watch this show?
23:10I love this.
23:11I love this show.
23:12I like his Lamborghinis.
23:14He never buys anything normal, does he?
23:16What, he don't go around his farm on his Lamborghini, does he?
23:18He's like an old tractor.
23:20They made tractors first, didn't they, before cars.
23:23Who did?
23:25Lamborghini.
23:26Lamborghini tractors?
23:27Yeah, they are a tractor company.
23:29Before they made cars.
23:31Really?
23:31They made tractors.
23:33What would you have on your farm, Joe?
23:40Um, I would let it just go to pasture.
23:44In the programme, Jeremy was looking a bit stressed as he headed towards the opening weekend of his brand new pub.
23:52At lunchtime, the newly recruited staff started to arrive.
23:56How big is this pub?
23:57It looks like a pub.
23:58There's like 80 of them.
23:59And in order to get them settled, Sue and Rachel gave them a Gen Z focused HR pep talk.
24:06Gen Z.
24:09At least you know that they're not going to be like drinkers because they don't really drink, do they?
24:13They don't drink anymore, no, no, no.
24:16I don't like that about them.
24:18What?
24:18They don't drink?
24:19No, I really don't.
24:21The main thing I'm after is a massive smile, a positive mental attitude, a can-do attitude and camaraderie.
24:28We're all in it together and we're all trying to make it successful, aren't we?
24:32No.
24:32They're all in it like, mate, what am I getting paid per hour?
24:35Yeah.
24:36Let's cut to the chase.
24:37They need the money.
24:38I then decided to add a few motivational words of my own.
24:42Oh, no.
24:44Mr Motivation's coming in.
24:45One thing I cannot stand is gormlessness.
24:50So if you are gormless, could you please try not to be for the day?
24:55And I don't want slovenly oiks leaning on things.
25:01Imagine if half of them just went, OK, I'm going, I'm out of here.
25:05Sorry, that's what I do.
25:07I'm a slovenly oik.
25:08It's all good locally grown food.
25:11I'm afraid that costs a bit more.
25:13Look at their faces.
25:14I know.
25:15You're going to get people going, how much?
25:17If you could just say, listen, fuckwit, if you want to go and eat shit growing in Indonesia
25:23full of sawdust, plenty of other pubs around the place that can help you out with that.
25:26I hope later on we see one of the staff going, listen, fuckwit.
25:35If you want something...
25:36It's like leaning on something.
25:37If you want something made out of sawdust from Indonesia, fuck off.
25:45Bank holiday Saturday is, that's what day is.
25:48You've got to be on form now.
25:49It's people's big weekend.
25:51After a couple of hours' kip, I return to the pub.
25:54To be even more useless.
25:56We would be unveiling my new weekend carvery.
26:01Boom.
26:03He's an ideas man, isn't he?
26:05Who thinks of a weekend carvery?
26:08However, I'd forgotten one important thing.
26:12Look at that!
26:14Fucking hell, whose plate is that?
26:16Portion control.
26:18You can't let people serve themselves, not with a carvery.
26:22I'm going to be brutally honest here, we are not going to be able to serve you guys food.
26:25It's all gone.
26:26Wow.
26:27Heartbroken, look at him.
26:28Just found out of the darkest news.
26:32Some bloody joker came in and had all the fucking food.
26:38Do you fancy owning a pub with me, Bea?
26:41I've actually thought about it.
26:42What, me and you getting a babooza?
26:44A baboon is that?
26:44Honestly, yeah.
26:45But you know what, I only see the glory side of it, you know, when you stood at the bar telling your story.
26:51We could get our mums to run it for us.
26:53Well, would you go to a pub with your mum running it?
26:56In North London.
27:01Anytime you're back in Bristol, you put the E-R back in your words, you know what I mean?
27:04Proper.
27:05It's urs.
27:05If I actually did want to still speak like that, I could.
27:08Yeah.
27:08But I feel like it's been so long since I actually lived there that I was never that Bristodian, though.
27:13Maya and her brother Omar.
27:15Definitely water, bath.
27:17Water, bath, laugh, cant, dance.
27:19That's what I've clothed.
27:20Anything af, anything ur, that's when you hear it.
27:25Our.
27:26Our.
27:26Yeah, no, if I speak to you for a while, then it definitely comes back to me.
27:29I just remember moving to London at 16 and everyone being like, do you have sheeps in your garden?
27:34Yeah.
27:34I bet they put you a four in a town.
27:35Bristol is not like that, yeah.
27:37They're like, oh, it must have been different for you growing up on a farm.
27:39I'm like, I did not grow up on a farm.
27:41We're a city.
27:42This week, Tom Kerridge was sharing some tasty tips with us on Food Network.
27:47Problem with watching shows like this where you know you're going to see great foods, it makes me hungry.
27:51Yeah.
27:51And I couldn't eat anymore because I've eaten all that piccolini.
27:53I like to see bald men doing well.
27:56I really do.
27:57I see them very much as one of my beautiful bald brothers.
28:00This is my little pub.
28:02It's lovely, isn't it?
28:03I'd love to are in a pub.
28:04Get out of my pub!
28:05Do you like gastropubs?
28:08I do, but I don't like it when it gets too fancy.
28:10Okay.
28:11We reveal the secrets of our Michelin-starred menu.
28:14Oh, Michelin.
28:15You see, I'm always doubtful.
28:16If someone says Michelin-starred to me, I think, oh, let's go somewhere else.
28:24If they're so secretive, why is he giving them away?
28:27Yeah, why are you on telly?
28:27No, do you know what I mean?
28:28Look, in your pub, your local pub's got any secrets.
28:30Yeah, probably.
28:31Dead bodies.
28:32No, everything's microwaved.
28:35I want to show you my version of a classic bar snack, which you can cook at home.
28:40Oh!
28:41Sausage roll!
28:43Right, listen, that's the one posh thing I love.
28:45Never made a sausage roll in my life.
28:47I have eaten thousands.
28:49I'm starting with minced pork, sausage meat, and fresh breadcrumbs.
28:55All good so far.
28:56I do that.
28:57Do you?
28:57Yeah, how's that Michelin-starred?
28:59I mean, this is like an easy recipe so far.
29:02Here, I've got diced pickled onions.
29:04Oh, you're telling the right person.
29:05I do love a pickle.
29:06I love pickled onions.
29:07I love pickled onions.
29:08Do you know, like, the pickled shallots that are, like, even more tangy?
29:10Yes.
29:11I've actually had a jar of gherkins to myself this week.
29:14Delicious.
29:15Congratulations.
29:16And it goes beautifully, especially with cheese.
29:19Oh, no!
29:21I don't want blue cheese in it!
29:23Pickled onion and blue cheese?
29:26You're too posh for you.
29:27That's way too posh.
29:28Why are you going to ruin everything?
29:29You need sausage and pastry.
29:30That's it.
29:31That's all I want.
29:32It took me a long time to like blue cheese, you know.
29:34I was going to say, that one's rude.
29:35Yeah, I couldn't get over the fact that it's just, like, straight mould in the middle.
29:38I mean, it's essentially like a ploughman's lunch, all wrapped up in one.
29:42It's a ploughman's lunch.
29:44Wrapped up in a sausage roll.
29:45Yeah.
29:45Oh, Mike, he has deconstructed and then reconstructed it into something else.
29:50Does anyone know a ploughman?
29:52Never met a ploughman.
29:53Never met a ploughman.
29:54To be honest with you, I ain't ever seen a ploughman either, mate.
29:56Not me neither.
29:57Where's them ploughmans to?
29:59What even is a ploughman?
30:00Then I'm adding more layers of flavour with finely chopped rosemary
30:03and caramelised onion chutney.
30:07Oh, you like that.
30:08I do.
30:08You like a bit of onion in the fridge.
30:09I've got some of that in the fridge.
30:10Not anymore, you haven't.
30:11Why?
30:12Because I cleared the fridge out the other day.
30:14So I think your caramelised onion...
30:16Was gone?
30:17..was 2019, I think.
30:18So that didn't make the cut.
30:19Yeah, but...
30:20That ended up in the bin.
30:22Oh.
30:24This mix, we pipe.
30:26Oh, that's a faff.
30:29That's a bit of a faff.
30:30Who pipes a sausage roll?
30:32Oh, he's lost me.
30:33I was so on board a minute ago.
30:36Directly in the middle.
30:38Then through your hand.
30:39Look at that.
30:41Oh, my Lord.
30:42Nice looking.
30:43Girthy.
30:44Secrets of the pub kitchen.
30:45That should have remained a secret.
30:47I don't want to see that uncooked.
30:48It looks unnatural.
30:50Egg wash the tops and sprinkle with nigella seeds.
30:54Oh, yeah.
30:55Look at that.
30:56It's all in the details, isn't it?
30:57It's all in the details.
30:58Oh, I do like the look of that.
31:00Come on.
31:00I just need to have blue cheese in it.
31:02Stop.
31:02I've preheated a baking tray, so when my tray goes down,
31:06the pastry starts cooking straight away.
31:08Oh.
31:09Oh.
31:10OK.
31:11Exactly.
31:12Because otherwise you get, what?
31:14A soggy bottom.
31:14Soggy bottom.
31:15And no one wants that.
31:17No more soggy bottoms.
31:20I reckon you're halfway to a Michelin star.
31:22I could have written this.
31:24Do you like a soggy bottom, Stephen?
31:25I've been known to get my hands on one occasionally.
31:30Oh, ho, ho, ho.
31:31Woo-hoo.
31:32Oi, oi, oi.
31:33Oi.
31:34They look absolutely lush.
31:36Oh, and I could devour ten of those.
31:40Oh, I think Tom's sold me.
31:42He sold me there.
31:43Do you know, I'm actually quite keen to go to his pub
31:45just to have that sausage roll.
31:48That would be a lot simpler than trying to make this at home.
31:50Oh, God, yeah.
31:51Look at that on the bottom, look.
31:54Oh, yes.
31:56Listen, that has got a good, solid arse to it.
31:59There's something borderline attractive.
32:02Attractive.
32:03Arousing.
32:04No, I'm with you.
32:04Yeah, man.
32:09That toast is delicious.
32:11Right, it does look good.
32:13Oh, I bet it's fucking amazing.
32:14It does look good.
32:15I bet it's not your bollocks off, but who can be arsed?
32:19And how much?
32:21How much are we charging here?
32:23God, that's good.
32:24Can you imagine ever saying about something that we cooked
32:27and eating it and go, God, that's good?
32:29No.
32:29Can you imagine that ever happening?
32:31No.
32:31It wouldn't, would it?
32:32No.
32:32It just wouldn't.
32:33No.
32:33I like my salad.
32:34I do make a good salad, though.
32:36I'd eat something.
32:37Well, that's, God, that's average.
32:39I think we should have a Tom Kerridge Michelin star sausage roll cook-off.
32:45I'll take that challenge.
32:46You show me yours, and I'll show you mine.
32:48I'll show you my sausage if you show me yours.
32:50Yeah, and then we'll roll.
32:51We'll get Shirley Ballas to mark them.
32:55What's the love feel about that?
32:56Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
32:59Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
33:01You
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