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CinemaJourney
  • 3 days ago
#CinemaJourney
#CelebrityGogglebox

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Transcript
00:00What have we got behind us here, Luke?
00:01What have we got?
00:02What haven't we got, probably?
00:04So, what are these for...?
00:06Premier League nightly wins.
00:07Is that from this year?
00:09Probably this year or last year.
00:10Yeah. How many did you get? Five this year?
00:13Four, yeah. Five.
00:14And you get a nice bonus as well, don't you, for winning the night?
00:16We can all do the maths, Luke. What's that?
00:18Whoa, five times. Whoa, you're doing all right.
00:21Nice, some nice family photos.
00:23But you can do all this.
00:25You can't pass your driving theory.
00:30Ah! What?
00:32I'm so happy for you.
00:33Whoo!
00:34I feel bad even saying it, but you're half-look at it.
00:36Oh, no!
00:39I don't want to go to space.
00:40She's a United fan.
00:42Oh, I've gone right off. There you go.
00:43Oh!
00:44Stop it.
00:45Not a great time to have pizza, is it?
00:47Oh, yeah.
00:49This is what we've tuned in for.
00:50Oh, no.
00:51Oh, tricky, yeah. Oh.
00:54Chill, chill, relax and chill.
00:55Fish puppy!
00:57Wee-hee!
00:58It's literally the greatest moment of my life.
01:00In the week we bid a fond farewell to Beach Boys legend Brian Wilson,
01:05we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:08There was more happenings at the hospital on BBC One.
01:12All I'm saying is, what is the point of having a wedding
01:15if you can't cop off one of the groomsmen?
01:17What?
01:18Here you go.
01:19Have an OK, reader?
01:20Yeah.
01:21What do you think is in that bag?
01:24Croissant?
01:25I reckon it's an almond croissant.
01:27A what?
01:28Almond croissant.
01:29But why did you go for almond?
01:32When you order an almond croissant, what do you say?
01:35Almond.
01:36What?
01:37Like all normal people.
01:38What do you mean, all normal people?
01:41Almond.
01:42Almond.
01:43Almond.
01:44Shut up.
01:45It's an almond.
01:46No.
01:47I'm rubbing off on you.
01:50You're making me northern.
01:52And you're from the Midlands.
01:54Clarkson's Countryside Capers continued on Prime Video.
01:58We had now reached the middle of July.
02:03And under a canopy of blue skies, the crops appeared to be coming along nicely.
02:08I grew up on a farm.
02:10What animals did you have?
02:12We had cows.
02:13Sheep.
02:14We had otters.
02:17That classic farmyard animal.
02:19I love that bit of old MacDonald had a farm.
02:23And pets were in safe hands with the Yorkshire vet on Channel 5.
02:28Good lass.
02:29It's alright.
02:30You don't need to worry.
02:33We'll look after you.
02:35My mother once had a golden retriever that used to eat dishcloths.
02:38They used to get all the way through.
02:42Oh my gosh.
02:43And out the other end.
02:44Completely undigested.
02:45And not always come out.
02:46So she would have to stand on one end of the dishcloth and throw a ball.
02:50And then the rest of the dishcloth.
03:01In Essex.
03:03They're lovely crisps then.
03:04I like them.
03:05Kettle chips.
03:06Those were the kettle ones.
03:08They're nice.
03:09They cook them in a kettle.
03:10Rylan and his mum Linda.
03:13So you know like your kettle?
03:14Yeah.
03:15For example, you could slice up potato.
03:16Like this same reminder.
03:17I'm telling you now mum.
03:18You slice that.
03:19That's why they're called kettle chips.
03:20Oh I'm going to try then.
03:21You slice up potato.
03:22Put it in.
03:23Yeah.
03:24And.
03:25And the salt cut.
03:26You're winding me up.
03:27Aren't you?
03:28Oh is that your bear's arms?
03:29Sorry.
03:30Look.
03:31Do you know what?
03:32No it was only when you said I'm going to try it.
03:34I thought you'd better not.
03:35You'd burn the answer.
03:37No.
03:38On Saturday night.
03:39It was time to find out how clever some famous faces were on ITV.
03:44I'm actually getting a little bit hot now.
03:46Thinking about the fact we're going to have to try and answer this question.
03:48And I think you're going to get it.
03:50And I'm not.
03:51Because the 1% Club is not my comfort zone.
03:53How would you say your general knowledge is?
03:55Not good.
03:56No.
03:57I'll be honest.
03:58That was the answer as I expected.
03:59And you got the right answer.
04:00You just have no general knowledge.
04:02Because you don't watch the news.
04:04I do watch the news.
04:05Do you?
04:06Yeah.
04:07And I always swipe to the little side light thing on my phone.
04:09I don't mean the news on your phone.
04:11I mean on the TV.
04:12Yeah I watch you.
04:13Do you?
04:14When mum puts it on.
04:15Tonight our contestants are all professional footballers and celebrities who support Soccer Aid.
04:20Why haven't they asked me to play on Soccer Aid?
04:23Oh I hate it when they do celebrity versions of stuff.
04:27It's never as good as just the normal one.
04:29The 1% Club Soccer Aid Special.
04:35I normally do quite alright on this.
04:37You're good at any quiz you are.
04:38It's time for our first question.
04:42Right get ready.
04:43Lock in.
04:44Lock in.
04:4590% this is always easy.
04:46This is like what day is it?
04:48Which of the following three pieces doesn't correctly match the image?
04:53Oh I like Jill Scott.
04:54I do.
04:55Easily the A.
04:59Earring B.
05:00Yeah.
05:01Earring B.
05:02Wait the eye?
05:03No it's not the eye.
05:04No the earring.
05:05What doesn't match?
05:06Doesn't match.
05:07No I think there's an extra wrinkle there and there shouldn't be.
05:10But then it.
05:11No because of a mouth.
05:12Oh my god.
05:13I think her eye is okay.
05:14The mouth isn't.
05:15I think it's the eyebrow.
05:16No it's B.
05:17It's A.
05:18It's B.
05:19Nobody should get this wrong.
05:22We can't be out for this one.
05:24See that's the thing as well.
05:25They always make it easy for celebrities.
05:28They make it easy.
05:29Yeah.
05:30I've even forgot what we did.
05:32Yeah.
05:33We was naming what we did.
05:34See.
05:35Did we do?
05:36Yeah.
05:37One out?
05:38Right we lost one of you.
05:40He's a referee.
05:43Is he?
05:44Yeah.
05:45See what they say about referees boy.
05:46You don't know what you're doing.
05:49He's the ref that's always on Sky.
05:51Stands by the wrong decisions.
05:53So I'm glad he's out.
05:54It's B.
05:55Because the earring is different on Jill's ear.
05:57Woo.
05:58We got it right B.
05:59Yes indeed.
06:0090% of the country got that right.
06:02And you and the ref got it wrong.
06:05Let's move on to the 35% question.
06:07Oh 35 man.
06:08Oh no.
06:09Get on your game.
06:10This is going to be hard.
06:11Oh trickier.
06:12Oh.
06:13Which Premier League football team is this rhyming code for?
06:16Nest Jam.
06:17Nest Jam.
06:18It's not West Ham is it?
06:20Ah.
06:21He's on it.
06:22He's on it.
06:23It's West Ham.
06:24West Ham.
06:25Why is it West Ham?
06:26Nest Jam.
06:29Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:30Yeah.
06:31Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:33Come on.
06:34Tottenham.
06:35Nest Pot.
06:36Tottenham.
06:37Tottenham.
06:38It's a rhyming.
06:39Yes bro.
06:40Tottenham.
06:41West Ham.
06:42West Ham.
06:43West Ham.
06:44West Ham.
06:45West Ham.
06:46Liverpool.
06:47I don't know all the teams.
06:48Arsenal.
06:49Brentford.
06:50Nest Jam.
06:51Nest Jam.
06:52Don't say Nest Jam.
06:53You said Nest Jam 17 times now.
06:55It's not helping.
06:56West Ham.
06:57West Ham.
06:58What?
06:59Nest Jam Villa.
07:00No idea.
07:01Nest Jam.
07:02Nest Jam.
07:03Nest Jam.
07:04West Jam.
07:05West Jam.
07:06West Ham.
07:07West Ham.
07:08West Ham rhymes with Nest Jam.
07:10I can't believe you actually got that right.
07:12That's fucking unbelievable.
07:14I'm not going to lie.
07:15That was very quick for me.
07:16I'm quite proud of that.
07:17Nest Jam.
07:18Yeah.
07:19If you say quick and fuck.
07:20Ooh.
07:21Ooh.
07:22Nest Jam.
07:23I don't know their chant.
07:24Also.
07:25Yeah.
07:26You've never been to a football game.
07:27Ooh.
07:28Ooh.
07:29It's time for the 30% question.
07:31Come on, Perry.
07:32Head in the game.
07:3330% question.
07:35What does that even mean?
07:36Which England footballer is spelt out in this code below?
07:40Oh, no.
07:41Huh?
07:42How am I supposed to know hieroglyphics?
07:43I used to know them.
07:44I used to learn them.
07:45I used to have a hieroglyphics bookmark on papyrus.
07:51What?
07:52They've got to be Roman letters or something.
07:54Snake eye bird wave.
07:56Whale comb eye foot wings.
07:59Wait.
08:00Let me concentrate.
08:03Oh, er...
08:04It's got Frank Kirby, I think.
08:06I think one of us has to just gamble.
08:07You have to go somewhere and I'll go somewhere.
08:09Otherwise we're both out.
08:13Hey, Mary Earps.
08:14I'm going to go Frank Kirby.
08:15Oh, Frank Kirby.
08:16It's Frank Kirby.
08:17Because the second letter of the first name
08:19and the third letter of the last name
08:21are the same in Fran and Kirby.
08:24Makes no sense.
08:25Absolutely not.
08:26I think I'm using a pass.
08:27I've definitely used my pass.
08:28Let's see who got it right.
08:30Everyone's going to be out.
08:31This is going to separate the wheat from the chaff.
08:33I'll tell you that for now.
08:36Oh, they're just ticking them off.
08:39Well, and me.
08:40No, because we used a pass.
08:41Fifteen out!
08:42That's a lot of people like...
08:43Yeah, I think there's a lot of people like me going,
08:44what?
08:45It's Frank Kirby.
08:46The only symbol that is repeated
08:47represents the second letter of the first name
08:49and the third letter of the second name.
08:51Mmm!
08:52Mmm!
08:54Mmm!
08:55Ross, you need to go on there.
08:56Does that be our most clever now?
08:58Oh, no.
08:59Absolutely not.
09:00You took a guess and I took a guess.
09:01Strategically, we've played for each other there
09:03because we took a punt each.
09:04After whittling down the sports stars and celebrities
09:06here in the studio,
09:07we are left with the 1% question.
09:09This is it.
09:10Right, deals, come on.
09:11The 1% question,
09:12because you've never watched this before.
09:14Yeah, good luck, first of all.
09:16Erm, it's basically impossible.
09:18Yeah.
09:19So, I can't point to where as hard this is going to be.
09:22In the opening verse to the original version of Three Lions,
09:26what two words feature exactly three times in the lyrics?
09:30I don't know.
09:31Mum, please don't.
09:32Mum, please don't.
09:33They've seen it all before.
09:35They just know.
09:36They're so sure.
09:37Is it it?
09:38It?
09:39It?
09:40It?
09:41It?
09:42It?
09:43It?
09:44It?
09:45It?
09:46It?
09:47It?
09:48It?
09:49It?
09:50It?
09:51It?
09:52So, it and no?
09:53No.
09:54It and no.
09:55England's going to throw, blow it away, but no.
09:57So, no.
09:58Is it no?
09:59I don't know.
10:02Oh, this game's stressing me out.
10:04Three no's, it's no and it!
10:05No and it!
10:06Yeah, there's three no's.
10:07No and it.
10:08No and it.
10:09No and it.
10:10It and no.
10:12It and no.
10:13That's what I said.
10:14I said no, did I?
10:15Yeah, you said no.
10:17No and it!
10:19Yeah!
10:20Ha ha!
10:22It's literally the greatest moment of my life!
10:25Why didn't they ask you on then?
10:27I can't believe it.
10:28And they all thought I was dopey.
10:30Yeah.
10:31But why did we get it right?
10:32Because you're fucking intelligent.
10:34You're answering things right and you just do it automatically.
10:37Yeah.
10:38Yeah.
10:39Without thought.
10:40Since you start thinking.
10:41I do everything without thought.
10:42I mean, there's nothing worse than fucking thinking, is there?
10:45Yeah.
10:47In West London.
10:49You know I was supposed to be a doctor?
10:50Is that like your biggest flex?
10:52No, it's not flex.
10:53I'm just saying.
10:54It's a proper job with proper money and proper prospects.
10:56And you would enjoy it.
10:58Krishna and his daughter Jasmine.
11:00Your mum said your job isn't a proper job.
11:02Well, my job isn't a proper job.
11:04She's right.
11:05Okay, so you can't look down on me if I don't have a proper job because you don't have a proper job.
11:09But you literally don't have a proper job.
11:10Because I'm 19.
11:11At least I've got a job that isn't a proper job.
11:12Because I'm 19.
11:13Because I'm 19.
11:14But I don't know what you're going to do.
11:15I'll be fine.
11:16I know you'll be fine.
11:17On Tuesday night, we were back in the Dales, checking in on our furry friends on Channel 5.
11:23You've got the biggest fly on your face.
11:25Ooh!
11:26Get it off!
11:27I've never seen the Yorkshire vet.
11:28Do you watch it?
11:29No, I've not watched it.
11:30But I think Vets is about animals, isn't it?
11:32Yeah.
11:33Somebody's getting put down today, innit?
11:35I hope not, but it is.
11:38In the heart of glorious North Yorkshire, just outside the historic market town of Thirsk,
11:45sits Stony Brough Farm.
11:46Have you heard of All Creatures Great and Small?
11:48No.
11:49I mean, this is like the real life All Creatures Great and Small.
11:50What's that?
11:51All my family's from Yorkshire, bar me, who's Lancastrian, yeah.
11:54Mum and Dad are Yorkshire.
11:55Grandparents, Yorkshire.
11:56The real life Battle of the Roses.
11:58Yeah.
12:01You know what, I bet they have random animals these days come in, don't they?
12:04Right, and to vets, yeah?
12:05Yeah, not just dogs, I bet they have hamsters.
12:09Yeah?
12:13Matt's latest exotic patient of the thirst practice.
12:16Oh, what are they taking in?
12:17It's an Australian marsupial from Cannon Hall Farm.
12:20A what?
12:21Koala bear.
12:22A sugar glider called Pilot.
12:24What the hell is that?
12:25It looks like a mare cat mixed with a squirrel.
12:27What?
12:28How much do you reckon they'd be?
12:29Not much.
12:30Can we get what?
12:31No.
12:32Who needs castrating?
12:34He's getting his sugar lumps cut off.
12:36Why?
12:37That seems a bit harsh.
12:39And I'm going to be honest, on an animal that small, that's going to be tricky.
12:43Good luck.
12:44One of the biggest challenges is getting him under anaesthetic to start with,
12:47which is transferring from his little box to the little anaesthetic chamber that we've got
12:51and not losing him.
12:52Look at Pilot there.
12:53No.
12:54He's blissfully unaware.
12:55That little thing don't want to be castrated and live in Yorkshire.
12:59No.
13:00Who does?
13:01Certainly he'll be angry, he'll be flighty, and we're going to need to be quick off the
13:04mark.
13:05Damn right he's going to be pissed.
13:06Why are you taking away his nuts?
13:07Sometimes you get them quite nice, you know, but it's very much Jekyll and Hyde.
13:11And certainly when you see the teeth, you don't want to be bitten by one.
13:14Ooh.
13:15What would be funny if someone tried to cut my bollocks off, I'd bite them.
13:18How many of them are there in the world?
13:20Yeah, has he got lots of experience?
13:21In York, around Thirsk.
13:23Knowing he could encounter some turbulence with Pilot.
13:26Ha!
13:27Some turbulence with Pilot, did you get that?
13:30Great answer.
13:31Matt's assembled a crew of nurses, Frankie, Robin and Amy.
13:35So confused.
13:36There's four of them to deal with the flying gerbil.
13:40Right, little Pilot, to see how angry they get.
13:42Here we go.
13:44Ooh!
13:45Ooh!
13:46Rippin' hell!
13:47Oh, he's fuming.
13:50He's absolutely livid.
13:52Little ways out?
13:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:54Ha!
13:55The reason he's come in, because he's just had four new ladies put in with him,
13:58and he's pestering them.
13:59That's why he's pestering all the ladies.
14:01Sorry, Pilot, they've got to go, mate, they've got to go.
14:03Well, I think that's what they should do to all pests.
14:06Send them in to see the Yorkshire vet.
14:09Hold them like that.
14:10Ooh, look at the size of them.
14:12Oh, wow!
14:13Massive nuts!
14:15Yeah!
14:16Man!
14:17For such a small thing!
14:19Definitely gets the award for the smallest scrotum area.
14:24Hang on, love.
14:25I might be able to say that.
14:26If you are giving out a cup or something, a certificate,
14:31can I throw my name into the hat?
14:36This is slightly different to normal castration.
14:38Is it?
14:39We're just going to use a searing,
14:40cartered device, like a hot blade,
14:42to cut straight across from the testicles and the scrotum.
14:45It'll provide the least amount of trauma.
14:49Mate!
14:50There he's bald.
14:51The least amount of trauma?
14:53I'd say it's quite a lot of trauma.
14:55No.
14:56Oh, my God!
14:58Oh!
14:59Oh!
15:00Isn't it funny?
15:01That's his job.
15:02It's his job.
15:03To remove testicles off small beings.
15:06There we go, and just like that.
15:10And just like that!
15:11Look at these tiny little baths!
15:13What do they do with them now?
15:15Pilot is two passengers lighter.
15:17LAUGHTER
15:19Oh, very good line.
15:20He's pleased with that.
15:21Very good.
15:22Look at them laughing at them,
15:24you bunch of sadists.
15:26Oh, I don't want to think about my...
15:28I don't even have balls,
15:29but imagine you having your balls chopped off.
15:35That would be awkward.
15:36Especially if I went to the Yorkshire Bear, yeah?
15:38LAUGHTER
15:39I bet you've got so many pits.
15:41Yeah, you're getting a bit outnumbered now, aren't you?
15:43Four dogs and a horse.
15:45You've got a horse.
15:47Did you want that many?
15:48No.
15:49No.
15:50Did you want the horse?
15:51No.
15:52Did you want the kids?
15:53LAUGHTER
16:02In Essex...
16:03Can I tell you what shocks me to this day?
16:05I can't get over it.
16:06Do you know how much a pack of dishwasher tablets are?
16:08I don't know why they're pricing them there.
16:10You need a small mortgage.
16:12Yeah.
16:13For dishwasher tablets.
16:14Best mates, Jordan and Perry.
16:17Oh, sorry, if I take them home
16:18and I've got to rip the packet open.
16:19Yeah.
16:20Fuming.
16:21Fuming.
16:22It's not like a little pot that pops.
16:23Yeah.
16:24But even when you rip the packet open,
16:25I find it all the time.
16:26It's like putting my hand...
16:27If you put your hand in it,
16:28a lot of them are burst.
16:29Like, all the time.
16:30Maybe I'm just too rough on my shopping.
16:31No, you're heavy-handed.
16:32I am quite heavy-handed.
16:33I love...
16:34I'm nine and ever burst.
16:35I like doing that and then going...
16:37OK, I think you need to...
16:39You need to grow up a bit, man.
16:40Really?
16:41Yeah, that's how you turn the dishwasher on.
16:43I think you need to live a little.
16:44Next time.
16:45Next time.
16:46You put your hand in that packet, I'm telling you.
16:48Do that.
16:51Is that it?
16:52Yeah, but it's better without the eye contact.
16:58On Friday, ITV livened up our morning with more of this.
17:03Wakey-wakey, mate.
17:05Fucking this morning's on.
17:07Come in, B.
17:08Let's see how they manage to fill a few hours of television.
17:19Jeez, come on, bro.
17:20This is something called morning TV.
17:22Yeah.
17:23You know, while you're asleep...
17:24Yeah.
17:25...other people are making television.
17:26Yeah.
17:27You've never watched this, have you?
17:28Because you've literally never been awake.
17:29Yeah.
17:30Not just any old Fish Friday today.
17:32No.
17:33It's officially...
17:34Officially.
17:35Get it?
17:36National Fish and Ship Day.
17:37National Fish and Chip Day.
17:38National Fish and Chip Day.
17:39National Fish and Chip Day, okay.
17:40Wow.
17:41Do you like fish and chips?
17:42I do, I love fish and chips.
17:43I like fish, chips, loads of something in curry sauce to dip in.
17:48Oh, you're so northern.
17:50To celebrate, we've got the potato queen herself, Poppy O'Toole.
17:53Oh, I like Poppy the potato.
17:55She cooks potatoes in lots of different ways.
17:57Yeah, Poppy's amazing.
17:58She's incredible.
17:59I've seen this girl do things with potatoes that are inhuman.
18:01What's your favourite way to have a potato or go?
18:03Dauphinoir.
18:04You fancy fucker!
18:06So, we've got the mega fish and chip butty.
18:08Oh my goodness.
18:09But all of the components are quite flashy.
18:11Oh, look at that.
18:12Oh, yeah.
18:13Oh, murder that.
18:14Oh, man.
18:15That's not a fish butty, mate.
18:17That's a banquet.
18:18And I'm all for it.
18:1910.30 or not, mate.
18:20I'm in there.
18:21Yeah.
18:22So, we're starting off with a vodka and tonic battered fish.
18:24What?
18:25Yes.
18:26Vodka.
18:27Vodka in the batter.
18:28Oh, she's muscle.
18:29I like her.
18:30Yeah.
18:31A tonic batter.
18:32Yeah.
18:33Just when it couldn't get any better.
18:34You would love that.
18:35Vodka, fish and chips, my worlds are collided.
18:36And then we've got orange chips from the Midlands.
18:39Wait.
18:40Orange chips?
18:41Orange chips?
18:42Orange chips?
18:43They're from Byos.
18:44They're from Birmingham.
18:45That's Byos.
18:46That's a black country thing.
18:47That's why Poppy's from Birmingham.
18:48Yes, girl.
18:49What's your favourite fish to have as fish and chips?
18:51Are you cod, girl, haddock?
18:52Cod.
18:53It's got to be cod.
18:54This is journalism.
18:55This is good.
18:56I'm haddock.
18:57I am haddock.
18:58I love haddock.
18:59They all taste the same.
19:00They're in batter.
19:01I'd have a remote control for one in a deep fat frayer.
19:03What's your favourite fish for a...
19:04Haddock.
19:05Is it?
19:06Yeah, what's yours?
19:07Haddock as well, actually.
19:08Well, that's...
19:09Good chat.
19:10If you go to fish and chips shop, what's your normal order?
19:12What about a pickled egg?
19:14I don't mind a pickled egg.
19:15I love a pickled egg.
19:16What are you?
19:17Oh, chips and a battered sausage.
19:19You love your sausage.
19:20I do.
19:21And a bit of curry sauce to dip it in.
19:24You.
19:26I've got another question.
19:29Really?
19:30What do you drink with fish and chips?
19:32Dandelion and burdock.
19:34Yes!
19:35Water.
19:36You drink water?
19:37Because there's enough going on.
19:38Also, you know, I like to make the fish feel at home.
19:41Yeah, I go lemonade or a cup of tea.
19:43Ooh.
19:44A cup of tea?
19:45Nah, nah.
19:46Get Phil back.
19:47Get Phil back.
19:48Get Phil back.
19:49Because he wouldn't drink tea.
19:50No, he wouldn't.
19:51Get Phil back on.
19:52Really?
19:53A cup of tea?
19:54You know what's nice with the fish and chips?
19:55A Malbec?
19:56A Malbec?
19:57With fish and chips?
19:58Is that wine?
19:59Well, I think it is.
20:00You don't fucking drink wine, Malbec wine, with fish and chips?
20:05Unless you're an alcoholic.
20:06Well, unless you're a twat.
20:08Very nice.
20:09What do you drink at home?
20:11Just send that in to us so that we know.
20:13Let them know, Kelly.
20:14Let them know.
20:15Who's messaging this morning to tell them what drink they have with a chippy tea?
20:18Fucking hell.
20:19More people than you think.
20:21Oh, hang on one second.
20:22I'm just going to message this morning.
20:23I must let Alison and Dermot know.
20:25I have a glass of water send.
20:27Some of your lovely goujons with your vodka tonic.
20:30How are we going to get our mouth round me?
20:31Well.
20:33I'm glad someone said it, Alison.
20:34That's too big for my mouth.
20:35Yeah, you can't open your mouth very wide, so that's not going in.
20:38Can't do it.
20:39Guys, I can not eat that sandwich.
20:41Look at the size of that.
20:42That is a big sandwich.
20:43Go on.
20:44Go on.
20:45I would be like, you've got to go to break, because things are about to get real freaky with
20:49this sandwich.
20:50Honestly, you would not want to cut back to me.
20:52You come back from break and I'll be on the sofa going...
20:57In London...
20:58Shall we compare helmets?
20:59Because you've got a Vespa here, I've got a bike.
21:01Wow, yours is very pink and shiny.
21:03Mates Munya and Jamie.
21:05I'm aerodynamic, yeah?
21:07Look at that.
21:08Look at that.
21:09You look like a professional.
21:10Look at the point on that, yeah?
21:12I'm a professional cyclist when I do this.
21:14It's unbelievable.
21:15Stay like that.
21:16Do you know how you can tell if it's good?
21:17Stay like that.
21:18Don't move.
21:19Don't move.
21:20This is how you can tell.
21:21Ready?
21:22Look at the arch.
21:23The arch is crazy.
21:24Get it hard.
21:25I breathe some water.
21:26Bro, because now I can't move.
21:27Yeah, but now do the legs.
21:29Do the legs.
21:30No, because it's going to spill on me.
21:31You've just trapped me.
21:32You've trapped me.
21:33You've trapped me in some sort of weird, twisted sore challenge.
21:36Right, if I cycle real slowly.
21:38Can you go and pedal?
21:39Look at that.
21:40I'm pedalling.
21:41I'm just going up a hill.
21:42Pedal.
21:43I am pedalling, bro.
21:44Pedal.
21:45On Saturday night, there was even more commotion at Olby General on BBC One.
21:52Bit of casualty for you, Claire.
21:54Casualty?
21:55God, I've not watched this in years.
21:57Is this still on?
21:58Yes.
21:59If you're anybody in the world of British acting, you've had a role in casualty.
22:02For sure.
22:03Kylie's had one.
22:04Keira Knightley's had one.
22:05Kate Winslet.
22:06Er...
22:11It's mad that people love this.
22:14And it's been on every Saturday night.
22:15Everyone's like, oh, let's settle down and watch trauma after trauma after trauma for an hour.
22:21Yeah, I found her on the floor.
22:24She said her chest hurt.
22:25Chest hurts.
22:26She needs to be careful.
22:27Oh, no.
22:28She's having a heart attack, you see?
22:29Oh, shit.
22:30Is that a heart attack?
22:31Hi there.
22:32I'm Jan.
22:33I'm a paramedic.
22:34Yeah, no shit.
22:35When you hear someone's called Jan, you trust that lady with your life.
22:40Yeah, yeah, Jan.
22:41Jan.
22:42Sue.
22:43Trish.
22:44You can trust.
22:45Look for Renlio.
22:47Training for the whole behalf.
22:50Half marathon?
22:51Babes.
22:52Put your feet up.
22:53Don't worry about it.
22:54Okay, if my colleague takes your pulse.
22:56What's Frodo doing there?
23:02My son.
23:03He's a personal trainer.
23:05Says I'm unfit.
23:06Well, it turns out he had a point, love.
23:10Am I having a heart attack?
23:11Let's get you in the back of the ambulance and check you over.
23:13That's not what you want to hear.
23:15Am I having a heart attack?
23:16Let's get you in the ambulance.
23:17So, yes.
23:18Yeah.
23:19Indy.
23:20She's getting worse.
23:21She's getting worse!
23:22She's dying!
23:23Two minutes.
23:24Come on, Indy.
23:25Put your foot down.
23:26Blue lights.
23:27Oh, yeah.
23:28There you go.
23:29Oh, yeah.
23:30What's wrong?
23:31Oh, no.
23:32Something's wrong with the car.
23:33Oh, my God.
23:34Oh, no!
23:35What's that?
23:36Oh, no.
23:37Oh, no.
23:38I ain't stopping.
23:39The brakes ain't worse.
23:40Oh, fuck off.
23:41I can't stop.
23:42It's speed.
23:43Oh, my God.
23:44Oh, my God.
23:45That's not going to help the heart attack.
23:46Oh, shit!
23:47Oh, my God.
23:49oh my god that's not gonna help the heart attack
23:57oh shit oh my god
24:03we're here
24:09we've arrived we didn't want to make a scene
24:15oh oh god who's that oh she's squashed him
24:24get it off me get it off me get it off me she has not trapped that fella with the van
24:29must then get it off me like it's a daddy longlegs or something not a whole flipping ambulance
24:33this whole thing's basically holding him together if we move it too fast
24:38oh god what did he say he went this whole thing's holding him together if we move it
24:42oh my god
24:43oh it's a power cut it's all fucking going off i've got a feeling there's even more
24:51disaster pending i'm just gonna say that because this isn't quite enough yet
24:55okay clearly he's going into shock hey come on we've got to move this ambulance now
24:58finally now they're gonna try and move it they're gonna move the ambulance i just feel
25:03like if they reverse you might fall apart oh for sure
25:06oh no here we go oh my god oh fucking hell made it worse
25:15oh he's got something lodged into him no something that metal bar sticking out his tummy
25:23come on let's move
25:24oh the roof's caving in yeah but that's fine
25:29why is that fine
25:31how's it looking
25:36how's it looking it's not looking good doctor honestly it's not looking good
25:41stomach's distended
25:45hemorrhaging want me with you who's this knobhead in the suit like i think he must be like the
25:51surgeon i'm gonna guess i'm gonna go he looks like a surgeon the metal is seriously compromising
25:55his blood flow if you don't act now he's not gonna make it come on you can save him come on
25:59scalp please oh god here we go you you might need to turn away
26:02there you go do you see it all on casualty i don't know you strokes and we're in yeah oh you don't
26:11not a great time to have pizza is it
26:13no
26:14oh jesus i can't watch this right it's plastic it's plastic it's pretend
26:22no oh the noise it's the noise it's squelching i know it you don't have to tell me what the
26:27you know i could hear it oh fucking hell pepperoni just flew out of him yuck sausages sausages sausages
26:36sausages more sausages more sausages there it is look at that he took it out
26:47success has he done it i think he's done it well done well brilliant this all started because someone
26:53tried to do a run in the park i'm telling you now running's bad yeah running is
26:57that is what we've learned won't run what we've taken from casualties everyone out there trying
27:01to do half marathons and stop
27:10in west london uh i've got some new bins yeah go on they're quite um flamboyant what do you mean
27:17they're flamboyant i don't think they're flamboyant it's all right quite dramatic a little bit of
27:21sexy tortoiseshell no before you start giving me grief i've seen you've got some glasses down there
27:25bang them on good friends ben and cats bam hold on what come on all right deirdre barlow they're
27:38not these aren't no these are 70s are you kidding these are 70s not 80s do you know who
27:44deirdre barlow is you've got deirdre barlow's glasses on no i haven't these might be a bit bet
27:48lynch but they're deirdre barlow i'd rather be better than deirdre we're gonna get on just fine
27:54we'll have a pint in the ravers and watch some telly this week we're off on another
27:58jaunt to the cockswolds on prime video so we're watching clarkson's farm oh i love a farm
28:04my dream is to have a farm one day bro i swear to you but you want llamas i want llamas
28:10i just really want llamas i ain't got time for the other stuff
28:20oh i went to one quite recently a farm well i say farm was like a pettings if okay clarkson's farm
28:26clarkson i'm not gonna do it clarkson's farm clarkson's farm never do that again i won't do it
28:31again i've never actually been on an actual farm no but i did duke of edinburgh bronze award and i had to
28:38walk through a field of bulls and cows but same not to flex but yeah i've done it in the program
28:45jeremy was on the hunt for some new livestock so i decided to go to my first ever cattle auction
28:52and buy some cows he's gonna take the bull by the arms and buy some cows i couldn't go and pick a cow
28:59and then be like right mince it yeah if i bought a cow it'd be like living with me yeah in the bed
29:04we'd be here hello charlie hi i'm just wondering how many cows do you think i should buy we need
29:13between six and seven between six and seven like six and a half so i'll get eight cow and these are
29:19store cows because he's bought the pub and he wants to open it in about a month he's got to get cows that
29:26are really close and ready to slaughter you want to buy something that actually we can finish fairly
29:31quickly finish them really quickly kill them oh no i still wasn't totally sure what charlie was on
29:43about but there was no need to panic because harriet had kindly agreed to come along and hold my hand
29:50i actually don't believe that jeremy's not got a clue yeah really because he's a fucking know-it-all
29:58innit and we started by going through the breeds on sale there's like a catalogue of cows like it's
30:04the birdie argos how much is it charolet and angus yeah that any good yes this will run on moorland
30:12at altitude single suckled that said that means it only suckled on a single teat i would want a cow
30:19that's been through all the teats available got the best fighting chance could you buy an angus
30:24cow i thought that was a steak menu that means it's starting all right ladies and gentlemen make
30:34a start of course you're an expert now you see that tv up there that's going to tell you what
30:40lot number you want oh it's like argos yeah really it's like argos the cows and they call your number
30:46that was the last thing i understood because at that moment the auctioneer started speaking
30:56what not all of them are words not all of them are words
31:00what number do you know that has in it no one thousand one thousand one thousand one thousand
31:11one hundred bro one does not have an r in it it does i like at the end as well when a little bit
31:19alicia dixon yeah i'm 15 yeah you know right these these are good two for the price i want here and a
31:32ginger i did bonus that's how i'd like to go shopping in a shop just look at like a pair of shoes and go
31:5616 20. so you've got two at 16 20. two at 16 20. just 16 20. you were 16 pounds 20 pence i think it's
32:03no 1620 pounds wow at this point i decided it was time to pull rank here we go is jeremy going to try
32:12now 11 10 20 11 20 30. he's doing a finger like i want it i want it i'm leaving you to it
32:1711 50. he's bidding against himself then wait what stop putting your hand on
32:27i don't get it he bid twice he bid against himself nearly twice nearly twice they nearly
32:33bid twice he nearly bid against himself i headed back to the farm with my new cows
32:41come on new cows and waited for charlie to shower me with praise for a job well done charlie is
32:49clarkson's adult those two limousons are cracking they're really good they'll finish they're the
32:54ones harriet bought what about the other six do you think this one's pretty cool no it hasn't got a
33:00round rump on the back it's better he's picked wrong ones he spent all that money for the wrong
33:05he should have just listened to harriet oh god have i done it wrong yeah yeah we're not done it right
33:11he's not great at it is he they just need to be more bootylicious exactly that we're sat here watching
33:17this do you know what's going on no i i ain't got a clue in south london yo oh look at this have you
33:27got the teapot i got a teapot bruv what cup do you want i don't care i made this one you know
33:32you can have that i'll go pottery yeah yeah i'll go to pottery classes i made this good friends mo and
33:39babatunde you laugh now 100 years time this will be on antiques roadshow you reckon you'll have your
33:46own collection no one is going to buy that yeah this no one will buy that it's not just any pottery
33:56do you know what it is no blood clark pottery on friday stateside squabbling was headlining the news
34:05on itv right let's watch the news i love the news just before the news stats just let me adjust
34:11right you just get me here get your sound holes right yeah because if it's not in the right position
34:17i'm not comfy you're like the regurgitator of news i'm a news tube you're like like what i'm like one of
34:24those little birds that are in the nest i'm a bird feeder and then i'm like this this is the itv
34:29lunchtime news with charlene white oh and i've heard denny it's not when you got the news at one
34:35but a bewitch concert at two donald trump and elon musk have scheduled a private call oh we were
34:41all the charcoal brothers are back after a social media spat between the us president and the world's
34:47richest man blew up yesterday a bit late for the private call now i mean look this was inevitable
34:53right that these two was going to fall out have you been in a relationship that's ended this
34:57dramatically several times the world's most powerful man and the world's richest man have fallen out
35:05and it hasn't been pretty who'd have thought it a two lunatics falling out what do you reckon he's
35:11saying you are a bad boy that's not unlike dealie that finger comes out of me look at that look how
35:19that moves trump take note the cause of the argument is what the president likes to call his big
35:25beautiful bill trump's big beautiful bill right it's really in it it basically goes
35:32fuck off electric cars we want petrol cars right and most basically makes his main till off electric cars
35:42and so he sees trump now with his bill as as as fucking him off right you know i was like
35:51disappointed to see the massive spending bill why doesn't he just go and occupy mars
35:56i'm gonna occupy mars please occupy mars only a man with a spaceship can wear that t-shirt though
36:05i slightly rate it a little bit last night the men started shouting at each other
36:10through their social media megaphones i love a messy argument on social media that's why i'm not
36:15deleting facebook the easiest way to save money in our budget billions and billions of dollars said
36:21the president is to terminate elon's governmental subsidies i don't think i ever really did the
36:26arguing across social media no katie hopkins called me a slag once on social media how was that how was
36:32that for you i don't really i mean you didn't really need to say anything to win that one did you
36:37i just didn't she get done for shagging someone that's what i remember thinking i'm sure he got
36:42caught shagging someone's husband in a field yes wasn't she bent over a farmer's gate i wouldn't
36:46worry too much about her calling you a slag musk hit back with an unsubstantiated claim what's he said
36:51back this is the big one that mr trump appears in government files relating to the billionaire sex
36:58offender jeffrey epstein wow oh yo yo he went there how does he know if he's on epstein's list
37:08lord knows man i mean the thing is they're both totally flawless kings so i i'm i'm i'm as shocked
37:13as you are to hear that trump's on that list is that him leaving the white house
37:18the billionaire then appeared to row back on a threat to decommission one of the spacex
37:28spacecraft that america's space program relies upon well does he own all those maps yeah i don't want
37:35to go to space how can a man say i'm taking my spacecraft back you can't do that you don't be the
37:41kid who's like i'm going home i'm taking my ball don't do that so men are meant to be better leaders
37:48because they're less emotional are they in theory who said that who knows a man men are meant to be
37:54better leaders hmm well they're doing a fine job aren't they
37:59what random question what tea bags do you have i've never had a tea or a coffee what you've never
38:15had a tea or a coffee oh friends luke and jinge you're 18 years old you've never had a cup of tea
38:21nope or coffee you're taking the piss i'm not that's a joke seriously never had one what do you
38:28drink just anything but tea yeah or coffee wow that's crazy enough london have you had a good
38:37week i have actually it's been quite a busy week haven't you been to wales i've been to wales was
38:42that random was it impromptu very random you know me i'm a random person i'm all about spontane that
38:48spontaneity spontaneity yeah ellie and a good friend richie would you just wake up in the morning
38:55and think i want to go to wales i needed to go see friends oh okay yeah so i was like oh for two
39:00days off work driving wales can you speak welsh no can you speak well well i'm supposed to i didn't
39:07you went to school in wales yeah i went to school in wales i spoke went to gcse in welsh and got guess
39:14what i've got a me and a b no not a b not a c d a u for for unique
39:24i failed my welsh gcse this week you grant was giving us the willies on prime video
39:30i very rarely stay awake until the end of a movie just so you know so if i start snoring or dribbling
39:35give me a nudge i remember we knew when we used to watch dracula and you used to have to walk home
39:41down the dark road after we watched dracula and you was on your i get involved in the film
39:48we see two young missionaries on their way to spread the good word
39:55this is it
39:59creepy house don't go in creepy house
40:01i mean that has foreboding written all over it doesn't it
40:07i used to sell double glazing door to door i'm not not i'm not knocking on that door
40:12is this someone there
40:17good afternoon oh it's here grab hello easy i absolutely love you you know what what i love you
40:25see oh you love me good afternoon i'm sister paxton and this is my companion sister barnes oh they
40:35cut the nurses no they're um mormons because of the pot would you like to come inside no no
40:42you have a girl roommate so they're not allowed to go in because obviously he's just a man and their
40:47beliefs and stuff right it's just for safety we don't mind the rain but my wife is home does that come
40:52yeah i think he's lying no i don't like this no i think he's lying you can tell you can tell you
40:57can tell you guys wife is out cereal don't trust him girl do you like pie yeah my wife has pie in
41:04the oven oh yes bit of pie i'm straight through that door you should have said straight away
41:10my wife is being shy but the pie the pie is nigh sketchy oh there's no wife it's there i think
41:24it is good why has he got a candle yeah to be religious well our work here is done no i just want
41:30you to know that before we start yeah something's happening something where's your wife you can we
41:36meet your wife please of course yes i see she's she's on it already she's got it can we meet you
41:45she's like sorry i'll i'll go ask see the moment he leaves the room now to go look for the wife
41:53i'm at the door man they've picked up on a sense something that he's a little bit woo and he's a little
41:59bit wee i'm gonna be honest i don't know what that means but the candle's gone out what with the
42:06candle why why are you looking at the candle what is it where is it where is it
42:14blueberry pie oh he ain't chopping them up his wife ain't in the pie no he said that they were she
42:21would the wife was cooking a pie oh but the scent of the candles blueberry pie so they thought they could
42:26smell the pie being made by the wife and it's the candle oh oh so who's in the fucking pie though
42:33no there ain't a pie oh there ain't a pie oh oh no it's locked in this situation you just accept it
42:42don't you what but you're doomed no well that's how else they're gonna escape so we just i need your
42:49help with the door and it's it's a little tricky we've tried to escape open the door for us you
42:56weirdo the deadbolts are on a timer ah oh my god and there's still no pie there if you are now
43:05regrettably ready to leave you'll have to exit through the back of my house oh we're not doing
43:11that oh we're not doing that here i'll go through the front door or the window or the
43:17fucking window yeah i'm not going through your back door belief if god is real and he watches when
43:28we masturbate and he has such a fragile ego that he only helps us when we beg him and shower him with
43:34praise and he hates gay people for being what he made them to be well that's terrifying eh oh my god
43:39can i just go home can i go home yeah
43:46i want this spell here that way there's a belief door and a disbelief door which would you pick
43:52that's the point you're not you know there's no right answer if there's no god then we're just
43:56horny microscopic ants floating on a rock through space with no divine purpose and no hope to achieve
44:01eternal life well that's terrifying too oh it's fucking nuts i like that horny microscopic ants
44:10which one would you choose i feel like i don't i feel like i don't know what he wants them to see at
44:14this point sister paxton do you still believe in god yes then let's leave through here
44:23i would stay together whatever you do yeah whatever it is stay together you can always
44:26overpower him if you stay together i reckon i just might move into that room
44:29do i actually like it here i think it's really cozy beautiful you've got a blanket have you
44:41oh it doesn't look like it's outside brother thank you for all your mentorship and thank you for
44:48letting us leave don't thank him you don't know you're leaving oh if you think you're leaving
44:54good lord you've never seen a horror film in your life oh let's go to the cellar let's go to the
45:03cellar that's not the back door they're going they're going further into the house they're going down
45:09down yeah
45:14he's there oh my god he is as well chill chill chill chill chill relax and chill
45:20that looks like russell oh not russell you i'm getting you grant mixed up with russell grant
45:29yeah oh who was gonna tell them they're stars yeah we wrote a song about him are you coming too
45:37no of course he's not he knows what's down there i bet there's a dragon down there
45:42no oh no no no no yep yes
46:06drama streaming now a mother and daughter arrive in town with secrets that won't stay quiet
46:12that's little fly little fires everywhere with ruse witherspoon a helping hand over one of life's
46:18most awkward hurdles visit virgin island that's streaming now too next tonight the open house
46:24welcomes its first gay couple