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  • 12/06/2025

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00:00This was a mistake!
00:05Shut up!
00:06Button?
00:15You're mad.
00:17Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Hello, everybody!
00:37I'm Greg Dalius. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39So far, the competition has seen the steely determination
00:42of British blitz spirit.
00:44And whilst I must be respectful and not do too many wartime analogies
00:48when discussing a light entertainment show,
00:50there are some similarities.
00:52We've seen resilience, determination,
00:54steadfast strength in the face of adversity
00:57and, crucially, a brash American sweep in
00:59and try and take all the glory.
01:01LAUGHTER
01:02Let's hope he leaves
01:03without getting loads of our women pregnant
01:05after buying them nylons.
01:07LAUGHTER
01:08Let's get on and begin the next round of the competition
01:11and meet our mighty five once more.
01:13They are...
01:14Fatia Al Gorey!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:17Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Matthew Bainter!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:24And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28And next to me, a man who told me
01:30that when you're a busy father,
01:31work-life balance can be tricky,
01:33but he's developed a technique on the nights
01:35that he's in charge of the kids.
01:37And I quote him,
01:38I stick them in front of an iPad
01:40and I spark up a fat one.
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43A lot of viewers' questions asking what's different about me this series,
01:53so they've all spotted something.
01:54And it is true, the shoes have had an update,
01:57so I thought I'd talk you through the latest, um, assistant's shoe.
02:01Of course, it does now have, uh, an indicator for...
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05..you know, if you're walking down the corridor,
02:06which way...
02:07I'm going right,
02:08so the right foot will go on.
02:09LAUGHTER
02:10It does have pockets, yes, it does have pockets,
02:11well noted,
02:12so if you want to keep your raisins...
02:13LAUGHTER
02:14..somewhere...
02:15LAUGHTER
02:16..and that's not enough.
02:17The shoe's on now.
02:18Fully edible.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20LAUGHTER
02:22Thank you,
02:23so that should answer some of the questions.
02:25I'm putting them back on now.
02:26Yeah.
02:27That's my bit done.
02:28Yeah, that's it.
02:29Well, except I'm now covered in edible shoes, so...
02:31LAUGHTER
02:36Hold on to your seats.
02:38This is the one we've been waiting for.
02:41It's going to change lives.
02:43It might change the planet!
02:45It is the biggest anticlimax.
02:48LAUGHTER
02:50Greg will give big points for the thing
02:52which, conversely, has disappointed the most.
02:54It's just such a quirky show.
02:55The end.
02:56Your turn.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:58Genuinely quite funny.
02:59OK.
03:00LAUGHTER
03:01Fattier.
03:02Yes.
03:03What are you saying?
03:04The thing I brought in is a bag of crisps.
03:06You know the family pack, the big one?
03:08And the reason why you buy them is because you want lots...
03:11..you want extra crisps.
03:12If I wanted one bag of crisps, like the little one,
03:14I would have brought that in it.
03:16This is the bag she's brought.
03:17From the outside, this was the inside.
03:19Oh!
03:20Oh!
03:21I hadn't even eaten it yet.
03:22Do you know what I did?
03:23I called trading standards.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:25And I said,
03:26the shop's got kids working in the basement.
03:28That's what I did.
03:29Yeah.
03:30Sorry, Fattier.
03:31So you didn't ring up trading standards and say,
03:33I'm disappointed by the amount of crisps.
03:35No.
03:36You said, the shop's got children working in the basement.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:40It's a perfectly good start.
03:42I think that sounds like five points fattier.
03:44Ooh, no.
03:45Unless these four have really messed up.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Rosie.
03:50To me, the biggest anticlimax is your wedding day.
03:54It's Rosie's.
03:55This is what the winner gets.
03:56My wedding day.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58This is fake.
04:00He looks like he's died and you've stuffed it.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:05You look forward to your wedding day so much,
04:07it costs an absolute fortune.
04:09And I remember sitting there, just looking at everyone,
04:11not finishing their dinner, and thinking,
04:12I've paid 80 quid for that.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15I just found it a huge anticlimax.
04:17Anti-climax.
04:18And you've illustrated it beautifully with that picture.
04:20And that's the only...
04:21That's the one that I thought...
04:22With that picture of a drunk car salesman.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:26Stevie.
04:28So, you know these, like, display boxes that you get?
04:30Here it is.
04:31And I had it for ages, and I was like,
04:33oh, they're always quite...
04:34Like, what do you put in it?
04:35Like, they're always quite anticlimactic,
04:37and I couldn't remember what I'd actually got in it.
04:39So then, in the moment, I opened it,
04:41and this is genuinely what was inside it.
04:43Here we go.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:46That could be a number for a safe.
04:48It could be my PIN number.
04:49No.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:52Is that your PIN number?
04:53No.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:56But I feel like it's really difficult to know what to put in those boxes.
04:58It's not big enough for jewellery.
04:59Like, what could you ever do that would justify the beautiful, ornate woodwork?
05:04LAUGHTER
05:06I'm getting two, aren't I, again?
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10I love that you presume it's not one.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:13I love it!
05:14Thank you so much for bringing a box of tatties.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18You're so good.
05:19LAUGHTER
05:21Right.
05:22I think you'll agree I've put quite a lot of effort into these prize tasks so far.
05:27You have, actually.
05:28OK.
05:29And this one, I've really gone to town.
05:32So, do you know what a Rube Goldberg machine is?
05:35Yeah.
05:36I don't know.
05:37I've done it, actually.
05:38I don't know.
05:39So, like, a tennis ball goes down a drain pipe, it turns on a leaf blower, leaf blower blows
05:43the washing round the line.
05:44Yeah.
05:45Built one of these in my garden at great effort.
05:49For this show?
05:50For this prize.
05:51Oh, God.
05:52It is meant to end with a single ignition, multi-shot firework.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59This looks absolutely spectacular.
06:01If it goes off, I invited some people round to film their reaction.
06:06They don't know what we know, which is that the thing is not going to go off.
06:11Here we go.
06:12Let's take a look.
06:13Let's have a look.
06:14And here we go.
06:16I didn't do any of that.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19That is a work of art, young man.
06:32I wonder if that'll beat your bag of crisps.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:37Jason.
06:38I think what I've brought is self-explanatory, so why don't, Alex, if you don't mind, just hit it.
06:43Here is Jason's Anticlimax.
06:45A vision of power.
07:02It's truly haunted.
07:05It's evil.
07:06It's my face.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08Did you do it yourself?
07:09Yeah.
07:10I grabbed one of those, printed out your face, stretched it, glued it, that's what I got.
07:15And the lips work.
07:17What as in what do you mean?
07:19They're kissable.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:21OK.
07:22We're starting with the most climactic, or we're just...
07:25I suppose the least anticlimactic.
07:27Oh.
07:28Don't.
07:29OK.
07:30Because the box is so ornate, I would be most disappointed by that random collection of shit and a horrible hair.
07:35So it's going to be crisp.
07:36So it's one to Fatia.
07:37Two to Stevie.
07:38Then we flip to Jason because, although I'm loath to admit it, there is a very small part of me that feels affection towards you.
07:46So I can't say it was totally anticlimactic.
07:48Wow.
07:49So I'm going to give three points to that.
07:50Three to Jason.
07:51It's very difficult to put your actual wedding day not in the top slot.
07:55But I think we have to acknowledge that Matthew really did...
07:58But I spent £25,000, so maybe I've been enjoying it.
08:01LAUGHTER
08:02Four points to Rosie, five points to Rosie.
08:04Four points to Matthew.
08:05There we go.
08:06Well then, Matthew, thank you.
08:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:09Quite long have we got first, please.
08:12We are off to a beautiful location swarming with monsters.
08:16Ooh.
08:17MUSIC
08:31Hello.
08:34Hi.
08:35Rosie.
08:36Hello.
08:37Welcome.
08:38Welcome.
08:39Nice to be here.
08:40Is it?
08:41LAUGHTER
08:42OK, I can see Morse code.
08:45I don't know shit about Morse code.
08:47Right.
08:48I just know it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
08:51LAUGHTER
08:52Five boxes with codes on them.
08:54It reminds me of the hotel safe things
08:56that I always have to get the receptionist to come up and break into
08:59because I forgot my own birthday.
09:02LAUGHTER
09:03What is in the one yellow box?
09:06You may only give one answer.
09:09All the information is in the task.
09:12Fastest to give the correct answer wins.
09:18OK.
09:19You all right?
09:20Yeah, I've just seen these lads.
09:22What's that then?
09:24Some sort of creatures.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:31Oh.
09:32Your time starts now.
09:34Right.
09:36OK.
09:37So there's things happening over there.
09:39Bear reading pornographic magazine.
09:43Sugar Guy magazine?
09:45Bear's a straight perv.
09:48APPLAUSE
09:50Stevie, you're the only person I've ever known
09:53who's used one of those safes in a hotel.
09:55In the hotel I'm currently at, they had to come in and break into it.
09:59Three on-fight ones.
10:00I'm just surprised you've got stuff to lock up
10:02because I've seen inside your jewellery box.
10:04LAUGHTER
10:05Right, shall we start here first?
10:06Yes, please, Greg.
10:07We're going to start with the logical ladies, Rosie and Stevie.
10:11They've got a paddle of some description.
10:12Are they doing mass cord to me?
10:13Oh, they've gone!
10:14Oh!
10:15Oh, my God, there's some sort of bird.
10:16He's just doing his arms.
10:17I think they're wings.
10:18Wings, sorry.
10:19OK, one, two, one, two, three.
10:34OK, two, three, two, three, I'm doing.
10:39It's a compass.
10:41Is that a dinosaur?
10:42It's a monster.
10:44Oh, he's doing the flags.
10:45Oh, this is like an eye test.
10:46Four, seven, nine.
10:47OK.
10:48Oh, both cords back.
10:49Dash.
10:50Dash.
10:51Dot.
10:52Dot.
10:53Dot.
10:54Dot.
10:55Dot.
10:56Dot.
10:57So that's an eight and a five.
10:58Oh, well, that's two numbers then.
10:59Eight, five, eight, five.
11:01Oh, it's a puzzle.
11:02Oh, it's a puzzle.
11:03This is a compass.
11:04It's a compass.
11:05It's a compass.
11:06Is that a dinosaur?
11:07It's a monster.
11:08Oh, he's doing the flags.
11:09Oh, this is like an eye test.
11:10Four, seven, nine.
11:11Four, seven, nine.
11:12Okay.
11:13It's a puzzle.
11:14This is not...
11:15This is just question marks.
11:16I don't think this means anything.
11:17Oh, it's...
11:18It's...
11:19It's our friend from yonder.
11:20Do you know any of the numbers?
11:21Four, seven, nine.
11:23What's that bear doing there?
11:26Oh, Jesus.
11:27What the hell's going on over there?
11:29Okay.
11:30Hello.
11:31What you mean?
11:32Date, two, five, one, two.
11:37I'm gonna take it.
11:39Okay, bye.
11:40Have a lovely afternoon.
11:41The date of the magazine.
11:45Hangman.
11:46I forgot how it would be hangman.
11:48Is this meant to be this difficult?
11:50Erm...
11:51Right.
11:52Erm...
11:53Er...
11:54Monster.
11:58Bear.
12:00Alligator.
12:02Monster.
12:04Craw.
12:05Task.
12:06I've seen all of these things.
12:07So, I've looked at all of the clues.
12:09Mm.
12:10No.
12:11Okay.
12:12Erm...
12:13It's like a magic eye.
12:15No.
12:16There's the...
12:17There's the gaps.
12:18There's gaps.
12:19One, one, two.
12:20One, one, two.
12:21Force.
12:22Wow.
12:23Four, four, nine, four.
12:24What's that?
12:25They all have numbers on them.
12:26Am I meant to know more stuff in this?
12:27That's five numbers.
12:28Okay.
12:29So, what's the relevance of the four, seven, nine, then?
12:30Oh, this is seven.
12:31It's like four, four, seven, nine, four.
12:32Let's try this one.
12:33Seven, nine, four.
12:34Ah!
12:35It's a fish.
12:36I've stopped the clock.
12:37Okay.
12:38What the fuck?
12:39What the fuck?
12:40What the fuck?
12:41What the fuck?
12:42That's five numbers.
12:43Okay.
12:44So, what's the relevance of the four, seven, nine, then?
12:45Oh, this is seven...
12:46It's like four, four, seven, nine, four.
12:47Let's try this one.
12:48Seven, nine, four.
12:49Ah!
12:50Ah!
12:51It's a fish.
12:52Have to stop the clock.
12:53Okay.
12:54What the fuck?
12:55Ah!
12:56It's a fish.
12:57I've stopped the clock.
12:58Okay.
12:59What the fuck?
13:00What the fuck?
13:05Well, it all seemed fairly logical to me, what they were doing.
13:08The only two things that stood out were Rosie wishing a bear a lovely afternoon.
13:12And, erm, did you genuinely think it was a magic eye?
13:15I thought it was worth a shot.
13:18It wasn't!
13:20There were lots of different ways of solving it, and they used all of those ways, I suppose.
13:25Rosie, 16 minutes 28.
13:27Stevie, 25.
13:30Still, a lovely day out.
13:33And now, as my auntie said when she caught my uncle in bed with his bowling partner, Duncan,
13:38it's time for a break.
13:51Hello, everyone!
13:52Thank you, great to have you all back.
13:54It is great to have you all back.
13:56And honestly, I don't even mind the knobheads.
13:58Task-wise, the rivals are trying to find out the contents of the yellow box in the quickest time.
14:04Two undeniably observant gentlemen now, it is Jason and Matt.
14:08Let's just, before we do that...
14:11What's that all about?
14:1344, 7, 94?
14:1544, 7, 94.
14:18No, I guess not.
14:23All right.
14:24Oh, wait, there's a new one.
14:25There's a green bag.
14:26I wish I'd paid better attention in Boy Scouts.
14:29Is anyone doing...
14:31Is it semaphore?
14:32I want to say semaphore.
14:34Bloody hell.
14:36U.
14:37Side to side is N?
14:39D.
14:40E.
14:41That's R.
14:42Is it under?
14:43Crow.
14:44Task.
14:45Okay.
14:46Oh, now the crow's going?
14:47Jesus Christ, crow.
14:49Man fishing.
14:50Now let's be honest.
14:51Is the man fishing part of the show?
14:53Now they've turned their back.
14:54And they've got something written on their back, but I can't see it.
14:55Oh, the fisherman's leaving everybody.
14:56Fisherman's obviously creeped out by what's going on.
14:57Right.
14:58I'm just going to go and see what's on their back.
15:00Oh, it's numbers, but I can't read them.
15:02Oh, it's numbers, but I can't read them.
15:23Watch out for these fuckers.
15:26They're no good.
15:284-7-9.
15:314-7-9.
15:32This was a mistake!
15:384-7-9.
15:40Why don't you go under on the way out and over on the way back?
15:44Don't distract me.
15:464-7-94.
15:49Hmm.
15:54Under 4-7-9.
15:57So I'm still clueless?
16:02Should I just do that?
16:074-4-7-9-4.
16:10Can you imagine if it is just that?
16:15God damn it.
16:16Go ahead.
16:19Fish.
16:20Fish, yes.
16:25What is in the yellow box...
16:29...is this.
16:31Right, okay, I'll stop the talk.
16:32I suppose you're right.
16:33God damn it, it was there the whole god damn time.
16:35Go.
16:36To.
16:37Hell.
16:38I think you both felt some sense of rage having run around and then realised it was there all along.
16:51Yeah, a little bit.
16:52Yeah, a little bit.
16:53And the worst was I was so excited to talk to the fisherman and he kept moving further and further away.
16:59Of course he did.
17:00So I had to chase the man just to talk to him who did not want to be talked to.
17:06He didn't find a fish before you so there's something for him.
17:09LAUGHTER
17:11I got sympathy from a couple of young girls on a park bench and that was a low point for me.
17:16Well they applauded you because they thought you were a marathon runner.
17:19LAUGHTER
17:22Right.
17:23Who's next?
17:24Finally, let's find out if Fatia found the fish.
17:26Here we go.
17:27OK, we've got one, two, three, four, five.
17:32We've got colours.
17:33There's also that thing there that says in love in memory of monster.
17:3944,794.
17:40Let's try this.
17:46It's a fish.
17:48Can I go now?
17:49You can go now.
17:58I'm absolutely gutted.
18:01I thought this is going to send this woman over the edge, this task.
18:05There's no way she's going to be chasing crows across a bridge.
18:08Hell no.
18:09No.
18:12One of the times.
18:13Yeah, Stevie, you were the slowest with your 25 minutes, obviously.
18:16Jason, just behind you though, 19 minutes 15, so you get the two points.
18:20Rosie was slower than Matt.
18:21You were 16 minutes 28.
18:22Matt, you were 12 minutes 46.
18:24Fatia, 38 seconds and five points.
18:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:34Right.
18:35I need a scoreboard update, please.
18:37Rosie's in second with seven, Matt's in the lead with nine points.
18:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:43OK.
18:45What's next, baby boy?
18:47Well, I've only got into it recently, but now I have it all the time.
18:50It's so satisfying, it makes me feel on top of the world.
18:52I just love it.
18:53Yes, I'm talking about yoghurt.
18:55MUSIC PLAYS
18:56Hi.
18:57Hello.
18:58How's it going?
18:59Good, thank you.
19:00Yeah?
19:01What's this?
19:02How are you?
19:03Yes, good.
19:04Yeah, feeling great today.
19:05Hello.
19:06Rosie.
19:07Hiya.
19:08You're back.
19:09Yeah.
19:10Ooh, look at this.
19:11It's a special task.
19:12And actually, before you open the task, I need you to write a word in that little window.
19:15You've got to either write the word most or least.
19:16Oh.
19:17Have you got a pen?
19:18Well, I provided you with a pen.
19:19Where is it?
19:20On your way in, I gave it to you.
19:21No, you didn't.
19:22No, you didn't.
19:23I'm sure I did.
19:24Is it coming in there?
19:25Yeah.
19:26Yeah.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Ooh, look at this.
19:29It's a special task.
19:30And actually, before you open the task, I need you to write a word in that little window.
19:33You've got to either write the word most or least.
19:36Oh.
19:37Have you got a pen?
19:38Well, I provided you with a pen.
19:44Where is it?
19:45On your way in, I gave it to you.
19:46No, you didn't.
19:47No, you didn't.
19:48I'm sure I did.
19:51Are you coming in there?
19:52Yeah, yeah.
19:57You're taking the mick, yeah?
19:58It's incredible what the brain does.
20:11I've watched so many people sort of lose their sense of humour on this show and I've always wondered why.
20:18And now I get it.
20:20Get hotter.
20:21Hotter.
20:22Here?
20:23No.
20:26Get hotter.
20:27Hotter.
20:36I see that marker.
20:37Yeah.
20:38Good.
20:39I'm just letting you know that I know the marker is there.
20:42OK, I'm going to...
20:44Glass half most.
20:46Glass half most?
20:49Most!
20:52Oh!
20:53Eat this yoghurt with the most...
20:55With the most...
20:56With the most dignity.
20:57There it is.
20:59OK.
21:01Eat this yoghurt with the least dignity.
21:04Most extreme eating wins.
21:06Most extreme?
21:08Yes, extreme dignity, please.
21:10You have 30 minutes.
21:13Your time starts now.
21:15Could you Google dignity?
21:17Oh.
21:18I know exactly what you mean.
21:19I know exactly what you mean.
21:20What does it mean?
21:21The song by Deacon Blue.
21:23OK.
21:29I mean, it was genuinely fascinating that none of you saw that pen, right?
21:32I think when you walk into that room, you just kind of, like, zone in the zone.
21:37It's amazing what the brain does.
21:38It is amazing what the brain does.
21:40One of many quotes to go into the Taskmaster book of quotes.
21:44Put that next to glass half most.
21:47LAUGHTER
21:49No surprise that you had your own pen with you.
21:52Increasingly...
21:54Alex...
21:56Yeah, this is...
21:58This man's basically a doomsday prepper.
22:01He's got everything with him to survive.
22:04Oh, there you go. What's that?
22:05Swiss Army knife with a flashlight on.
22:07Why would you bring that onto a TV show?
22:10Terrifying.
22:12All right. Dignity.
22:13Four of them chose most dignity, just the one with the least.
22:16We're going to start with the most dignity, Stevie and Jason.
22:19MUSIC PLAYS
22:46Mmm.
23:05That was delicious.
23:07I owned so much land.
23:09LAUGHTER
23:16And how do you think that represents dignity, just so I can score this?
23:36I'm going to be honest.
23:37When I'd spilled the yogurt on my hand, I was like, I'm fucked.
23:41I'm not trying to get points now.
23:43I'm just on my secondary mission, which is always ongoing.
23:48Destroy, dismantle, engulf in flames.
23:51Oh, my God.
23:52Very much an American foreign policy, isn't it?
23:55LAUGHTER
24:00A little bit of politics.
24:02Yours was very dignified, I thought.
24:04And I've written something down that may or may not offend you.
24:08I wrote, I hadn't realised until now what a Downton Abbey face you have.
24:12LAUGHTER
24:13That's so peppy.
24:14Yeah.
24:15Yeah.
24:16Yeah.
24:17I actually...
24:18I'll end and he went, you look really nice.
24:19I thought she looked lovely.
24:20She liked it.
24:21Like a pound coin.
24:22I didn't say she didn't look like a pound coin.
24:23I looked like a pound coin.
24:24Just...
24:25LAUGHTER
24:27Well, from the side, it was just like very...
24:29Posh!
24:30Stop! Stop your hands!
24:31LAUGHTER
24:33Anyway.
24:34Posh.
24:35Mad.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:37Well, even more dignity now with Fatia and Rosie.
24:42Eating a yoghurt the most dignified way.
24:44You, at the end, I'd like you to pick your nose,
24:46stir it in your yoghurt, and then lick it off.
24:48I'd like you to put some yoghurt in your mouth
24:50and then I'd like you to kind of squirt it out of your mouth,
24:52like, eat your yoghurt really as fast as you can,
24:54but also at the same time, if you don't mind, shaking your buzzers.
24:56Shaking your buzzers.
25:01You are the most dignified yoghurt eater who has ever been on Taskmaster.
25:07Your eyes...
25:09Your eyes are like the dark depths of desire.
25:14Trainers gracing ground with elegance and heavenly delight.
25:19Your smell seduces our nostrils like moths to a flame.
25:26LAUGHTER
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29LAUGHTER
25:30LAUGHTER
25:32LAUGHTER
25:34LAUGHTER
25:36LAUGHTER
25:38LAUGHTER
25:40LAUGHTER
25:42LAUGHTER
25:44Who has the dignity in your piece?
25:58Me.
25:59You.
26:00Yeah.
26:01No, I just wondered if this was a clever satirical point
26:04you were making about the workers who lack the social graces, but...
26:07No, OK, cool.
26:09LAUGHTER
26:10Posh woman in a big blouse eating it nicely,
26:12everyone else eating it badly, yeah?
26:13Yes.
26:14Or something diva.
26:15LAUGHTER
26:17Erm...
26:18Now...
26:19You.
26:20LAUGHTER
26:21What's your definition of dignity?
26:24Elegance.
26:25Poise.
26:27Posh twat.
26:29LAUGHTER
26:31I just want to make sure that we both have the same understanding of dignity.
26:35Yeah.
26:36It just seems to me some yoghurt gobbling horny woman.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:40LAUGHTER
26:41One of the lines was...
26:42I was wearing gloves.
26:43Who wears gloves?
26:44LAUGHTER
26:45LAUGHTER
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47Her smell seduces people's nostrils.
26:50Because my smell is seductive, dickhead.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:54LAUGHTER
26:55APPLAUSE
26:57Yeah!
26:58Yes!
26:59Yes!
27:00APPLAUSE
27:02Do you like...
27:03Did you like it?
27:04The definition of dignified, was that good or not?
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08And now it's time for an advert.
27:10LAUGHTER
27:11APPLAUSE
27:12APPLAUSE
27:13MUSIC
27:14APPLAUSE
27:21APPLAUSE
27:22Hello!
27:23Welcome back to the start of part three.
27:25Dignity and yoghurts, Alex.
27:27Yes, indeed.
27:28And that's a little in-joke for me and Greg,
27:29as dignity and yoghurts is also Greg's safe word.
27:32LAUGHTER
27:33And now...
27:34It always has been.
27:35Now, for the only competitor who settled for less,
27:38consuming his yoghurt with the least dignity,
27:40yes, it's Matt.
27:42MUSIC
27:53LAUGHTER
28:00LAUGHTER
28:07Please forgive me, Daddy.
28:25I've got your shoes all back in.
28:37That sort of thing.
28:44Yeah, lovely.
28:46Very nice.
28:48All right, see you later.
28:52Incredible.
28:55The standout line for me, I've written down,
28:57and I thought I'd get you to read it out.
29:01Please forgive me, Daddy.
29:02I've got your shoes all mucky.
29:03There aren't the points in the world
29:08that can have made that worthwhile
29:10for the cost it's going to have
29:13at the school gates.
29:17Whereas I think I'll get new respect
29:19from my children.
29:20Really?
29:20That's the most power I've ever had.
29:23You said Daddy.
29:25What did you say Daddy for?
29:27Do you get on your yard?
29:29That's where you are.
29:31Good question.
29:33You're looking for the most extreme eating,
29:35so it might be most dignified or least dignified,
29:37whichever is the most extreme of those two ways.
29:40Obviously, Jason's getting one point.
29:42There was absolutely no dignity whatsoever
29:44in smashing up our set again.
29:48One point.
29:48One point for Jason.
29:49Well done.
29:50I do feel there needs to be a jump up there.
29:52I'm going to group Stevie and Rosie together
29:55because they went down a class-based dignity,
29:58so I think it's a three-pointer.
29:59It feels fair.
30:00And this is going to surprise you
30:02because I do think there was some dignity
30:04in that weird woman.
30:06She was very much in control.
30:07She was very comfortable in her own skin.
30:09So is she getting five points?
30:11Four points.
30:11Four points.
30:12I mean, obviously,
30:13if a man is prepared to humiliate himself
30:15in such a profound way,
30:17to be that undignified,
30:18how can I not give him five points?
30:21There we go.
30:22Five to Matt Benton.
30:28You're good to go, Matt.
30:30I've got my chest piece of lyrics.
30:31OK.
30:32Well, if you like gardens,
30:34water,
30:35choices,
30:35an assault course,
30:36buckets,
30:37and bunting,
30:37then you'll enjoy this.
30:39Also, we should really hook up.
30:40Am I a worm?
30:59You think I'm going to go through that?
31:01You lost your mind.
31:01Do I look like Lassie?
31:08That's what they do, isn't it?
31:09I've never seen anyone do it that well.
31:13Oof.
31:14Put at least six litres of water in the vase.
31:18I'm assuming this is the vase.
31:19No, that's the vase.
31:20OK, so where's the vase?
31:22Ah.
31:23You must either use bucket A
31:24and root A
31:26or bucket B
31:29and root B.
31:32These are routes?
31:33No, these are routes.
31:37If you choose A,
31:39you must complete
31:39one of the tasks
31:40at every obstacle.
31:44If you choose B,
31:46you must trot throughout.
31:48You know I hate trotting.
31:50I do.
31:51What am I, a horse?
31:53You must stay within the arena
31:55at all times.
31:57The arena is the lawn.
31:59I must never touch the vase.
32:01Fastest wins.
32:03You have 30 seconds
32:04to pick your bucket
32:04and that time
32:05has just started.
32:07OK, so I'm going
32:08to pick bucket A.
32:11I feel like that's
32:12red herring.
32:13I'm going to do A.
32:14I'm going with A.
32:16Oh, no.
32:17I don't know.
32:18What's trotting this?
32:19Yeah, you've got
32:1912 seconds to decide.
32:21Can I do B?
32:22B it is.
32:23Right, we're off.
32:24I'm going to trot.
32:25OK, we're going
32:26option B.
32:27Go for it.
32:33Well, Fati,
32:34why are you so cross?
32:35Because he wants me
32:35to trot like a horse.
32:36What the hell?
32:37Straight away,
32:38like, who am I?
32:38Lassie or a horse?
32:40I do think I asked
32:42what trotting was
32:43because we do not say trot.
32:45Do you not?
32:45No, I think with skipping.
32:46Is it?
32:47What about a horse?
32:49Oh, I guess you...
32:50You know, the horse,
32:52when you do that,
32:52but the horse,
32:53I don't know.
32:55Fati didn't join in that
32:56because she's not a horse.
32:58She's not fucking
32:59lassie either, bro.
33:01Who are we going to
33:02start with?
33:03First up,
33:03it's Matt and Stevie.
33:06I bet those buckets
33:07have got holes in
33:08or something,
33:08haven't they?
33:09Yeah, they've got
33:10holes in them.
33:11All right.
33:15How is that not working?
33:20Keep doing what you're doing.
33:33Take a big, deep breath
33:34and persist.
33:43Carry on.
33:46I should have got water
33:47from the...
33:49There's only one way.
33:53This is the only way.
33:54OK.
33:54This is the way.
33:55Yeah.
33:56This is the way.
34:00Make a puddle on the path
34:01using all the water
34:02in your bucket.
34:08Continue the obstacle course!
34:10I'm going to hold it
34:11in my head.
34:13Turn your bucket
34:14upside down
34:14onto the path
34:15right now.
34:19You're here again though.
34:29You're probably
34:31used to doing one of those
34:31tasks.
34:32Pop all the water
34:33out of your bucket
34:34and out of the arena.
34:35Hope you're having a nice time!
34:46Carry on!
34:48Immediately empty your bucket outside the arena.
34:51Why did you ignore the carry-on one?
34:53Oh!
34:54Can I just continue?
34:56Oh, yay.
34:57It's too late now, because I opened the other one.
34:59Yeah.
35:00Yes!
35:05We've pretty much done all the tasks now, so that's something.
35:07What I like about this bit is it gets your feet wet.
35:12Oh, my God, I'm absolutely sodden.
35:17And there's so little water in this!
35:22I've stopped the clock.
35:27Is that six litres?
35:28Yeah.
35:30Stop the clock.
35:33LAUGHTER
35:42In my head, I thought, I'll probably be doing so well
35:44that it doesn't matter if I'm throwing this one.
35:46I really needed it.
35:49This task started for Matthew by him doing the whole course
35:52with an empty bucket.
35:53Yeah, I didn't bring any water with him.
35:57It's amazing what the brain does.
35:59LAUGHTER
36:03Very good. Very nice.
36:04How did they eat?
36:05Well, we saw, Stevie, they had to get six litres in the vase.
36:08Yeah.
36:09Well, you didn't do very well.
36:10No!
36:11You took eight minutes, 17, and you were nowhere near six litres.
36:15Matt completed it at six minutes, 27.
36:17Now we're going to look at Rosie and Fatia.
36:21What do I have to do, trot?
36:22Trot throughout, yeah.
36:24Whee!
36:25How long do I have to do this?
36:26It's faster twins.
36:27Oh, OK.
36:30I knew this was going to happen!
36:32But there's a hole in the bottom!
36:34This is ridiculous.
36:35Do you know how long we're going to be here?
36:39Oh, no!
36:43OK, let's do this.
36:44I'm resourceful, innit?
36:45Oh, my God!
36:46Have I got to do this?
36:47All the information is in the task, Rosie.
36:48I can't remember!
36:49She must trot, I know that!
36:50LAUGHTER
36:51Can I take these shoes off and fill them?
36:52My shoes?
36:53Yeah.
36:54Give me your shoes.
36:55OK.
36:56Do I have to do this?
36:57I can't remember!
36:58I can't remember!
36:59I can't remember!
37:00I can't remember!
37:01She must trot, I know that!
37:02LAUGHTER
37:07Can I take these shoes off and fill them?
37:08My shoes?
37:09Yeah.
37:10Give me your shoes.
37:11OK.
37:12Do I have to do this?
37:13I can't remember!
37:14I can't remember!
37:15I can't remember!
37:16I'm going to do it!
37:17OK, as long as you're trotting.
37:19Are you trotting?
37:20LAUGHTER
37:25Lovely trotting.
37:26LAUGHTER
37:33Am I allowed to go there?
37:35As long as you stay on the grass.
37:41Use bucket A, root A, or bucket B and root B.
37:45Oh, my God!
37:47Trot!
37:49LAUGHTER
37:51I'm trotting, I'm trotting.
37:53LAUGHTER
37:59It's more of a gallop.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:06So, if we do this, it works as a funnel.
38:09OK.
38:10How smart am I?
38:11I'm not sure.
38:16LAUGHTER
38:19I've done the clock.
38:20I've done the clock.
38:28I've stopped the clock.
38:29I'm sorry about your shoes.
38:30No, I didn't expect you to do any of that, but well done.
38:34APPLAUSE
38:35Well, first things first, in no way did that act as a funnel.
38:43LAUGHTER
38:45Secondly...
38:47Let's deal with the trotting.
38:48Was your horse lame?
38:50LAUGHTER
38:52It was like 20,000, 5,000 degrees.
38:55Ah, they all were.
38:56And then...
38:5720,000, 5,000.
38:59It was hot.
39:00It was really hot.
39:01Um, Rosie's trot was incredible.
39:03I feel the initial trot was great.
39:05Have you clipped it off for me?
39:06Of course I have.
39:07I clipped clopped the trot, here we go.
39:08Clip clopped it, yeah, yeah.
39:09LAUGHTER
39:11LAUGHTER
39:12Lovely.
39:13Look at those Spanish horses that have been taught today.
39:16So delicate.
39:17And then I thought,
39:18well, that's going to be the best trot I see today.
39:20And then you added sound effects.
39:22LAUGHTER
39:23Here we go.
39:24Her, not us.
39:26LAUGHTER
39:27LAUGHTER
39:28Perfect.
39:29Really nice.
39:30OK, one part left before someone wins some crisps and a spoon.
39:34Further proof, if you needed it, that life is pointless.
39:37LAUGHTER
39:50Hello, then.
39:51It's the last part of the show and there's a water-carrying tusk at play.
39:55Only one person left to go.
39:56And it's Jason's turn to try and put at least six litres of water in the vase.
40:01Here is how he got on.
40:04Uh, fastest wins.
40:05You must stay within the arena in all times and must never touch the vase.
40:07OK, great.
40:08Do we know how many litres are in this vase?
40:22No.
40:24I'm eyeballing it.
40:25I'm going to say that's six litres.
40:27Stop the clock?
40:28All right.
40:29Wow.
40:30APPLAUSE
40:35Can you see yourself?
40:36Oh, I was delighted.
40:37Yeah, we normally think we put enough small print in to stop that sort of thing happening.
40:40Yeah.
40:41It's frustrating.
40:42What, stop winning happening?
40:43Stop that sort of thing like letting an American win?
40:46LAUGHTER
40:47Is that what you mean?
40:48That's what I'm hearing.
40:49But he didn't fill it all though, did he?
40:51Well, yeah, he did have to put six litres.
40:52Wow, now.
40:53Here's the rub.
40:54You didn't have to fill it, you just had to put six litres and he put...
40:56Well, he put that much in.
40:57And where's the six litres?
40:58Uh, six litres is here.
40:59This right here is where you lose America.
41:13Yeah.
41:14I'm just going to eyeball it.
41:16LAUGHTER
41:17If that wasn't a dead-on impression, I would be very upset, Rosie.
41:29LAUGHTER
41:30He was obviously the quickest.
41:31He took one minute.
41:32Yeah, but he didn't get six litres.
41:34He did not.
41:35He got basically the same as Stevie.
41:36LAUGHTER
41:37So, Fatia's third place with her 30 minutes 47.
41:40Matt's second place gets four points with six minutes 27.
41:43Rosie gets the four points with three minutes 15.
41:45Focus.
41:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:48Yes.
41:49Wow.
41:50One more look at the scores, please.
41:52Yes, well, as is traditional, Jason and Stevie are doing very badly.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:5612 points less than Matt, who's in the lead with 18 points.
42:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:05All right, everyone.
42:06Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show.
42:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:11Who's going to read the task out?
42:20Rosie Ramsey's going to read the task out, please.
42:25Get one of your balls into your bucket.
42:28Your spoons must be poking through the fence when touching the ball
42:32and only your spoons may touch your ball.
42:35You may not touch the other team's balls or buckets or spoons.
42:39You must always be on your side of the fence
42:42and your ball must always be on the other.
42:45If your ball touches the ground, you must start again.
42:48Fastest wins.
42:49You're trying to get a red ball into the red bucket.
42:52You're trying to get a blue ball into the blue bucket.
42:54And the spoons must go through the fence.
42:57They can't go over or under.
42:59They need to be through that middle section.
43:01OK.
43:02So, is it most balls in the bucket wins?
43:04Just fastest to get one across.
43:05Fascinating.
43:06OK.
43:07Fastest wins.
43:08Ready, Greg?
43:09I'm ready.
43:10Go.
43:11Right.
43:12You tell us.
43:13You tell us.
43:14Do you just try and move it?
43:16I can reset if you like.
43:17There we go.
43:18Right.
43:19You can use this!
43:20Load me!
43:21It's going to go into the other one.
43:22Yes, load me!
43:23Load me, is it?
43:24Nice.
43:25Nice.
43:26Nice.
43:27You can use two spoons.
43:28One, one, two.
43:29Help it!
43:30Coming.
43:31I've done it.
43:32Sorry, guys.
43:33Right, OK.
43:34So, look.
43:35Can I allow it?
43:36A little cushion.
43:37A little cushion.
43:38Oh!
43:39This is lovely work from the blue team.
43:41Fuck it.
43:42Fuck it.
43:43Can you not swear quite so much?
43:44Sorry, sorry, sorry.
43:45It was a direction.
43:47I love it!
43:50I love it!
43:51I love it!
43:52OK, I'm holding it.
43:53I'm holding it.
43:54You come round.
43:57Do you see why it's not every ball, Greg?
43:59This is great.
44:00Are you got it?
44:01This is far more watchable than I ever dreamt.
44:05They're getting close.
44:06They're getting close to it.
44:07It's like the Channel Tunnel.
44:08And you're not allowed to touch each other's spoons.
44:10No, no, no, thank you.
44:14I'm not sure you've got it.
44:15Shit!
44:16How did that happen?
44:17OK.
44:18How did that happen?
44:19OK.
44:20OK.
44:21I'm locked in!
44:22I didn't mean to swear.
44:23I didn't mean to swear.
44:24OK.
44:25I did mean to swear.
44:26OK.
44:27OK.
44:28OK.
44:29I'm locked in.
44:30Great.
44:31I'm enjoying I'm locked in as a catchphrase.
44:32I'm locked in!
44:33I'm locked in!
44:34Don't touch me!
44:35Don't touch me!
44:36Don't touch any of that stuff!
44:37I'm not going to.
44:38Can we see?
44:39I'm going to let them pass.
44:40Should we let them pass?
44:41You shall pass!
44:42Thank you!
44:43Go Stevie!
44:44Go Stevie!
44:45Go Stevie!
44:46Go Stevie!
44:47Go Stevie!
44:48Go Stevie!
44:49Go Stevie!
44:50Go Stevie!
44:51Go Stevie!
44:52Go Stevie!
44:53Go Stevie!
44:54Go Stevie!
44:55And then it's going to be a straight sprint from here, Greg.
44:56I'm not locked in!
44:57I'm not locked in yet!
44:58OK, you need to come a little bit further.
44:59Ooh!
45:00Ooh!
45:01Ooh!
45:02Ooh!
45:03I'm locked in now!
45:04You are?
45:05Yeah.
45:06OK, great.
45:07Am I out of the safety?
45:08It's neck and neck, Greg.
45:09It's neck and neck.
45:10I'm genuinely finding it exciting.
45:11What's going on?
45:12I'm locked in!
45:17I'm locked in!
45:18I'm locked in!
45:19I'm locked in!
45:20I'm locked in!
45:21I'm locked in!
45:22I'm locked in!
45:23I'm locked in!
45:24No!
45:25I'm not risking it!
45:26I'm locked in!
45:27No!
45:28I'm not risking it!
45:29I'm locked in!
45:30Oh, my God!
45:31They killed him!
45:32I'm locked in!
45:39What's happening?
45:57Hold Jason!
45:58Hold Jason!
45:59Please hold Jason!
46:00No!
46:01Don't!
46:02Don't!
46:03Ah!
46:04Stevie, I'm so sorry.
46:05It's OK.
46:06Ah!
46:07Jason, I'm locked in!
46:08Oh!
46:09Oh!
46:10Come down and join me with that match and final score!
46:13Come down and join me when I've got your final score!
46:24Wowee.
46:26Who'd have thought that passing a ball with some spoons through a fence
46:29would be that exciting?
46:30Well, you didn't.
46:31Correct.
46:33So the team of two, Jason and Stevie,
46:35have managed to get a total of 12 points this episode.
46:39Mathematically, I don't know how they've managed to do that.
46:41They've got six points each.
46:42Well, at the top, we've got Matt with 23 points.
46:48Matthew Bainton wins.
46:50Please head to the stage to climax the show.
46:52You're actually coming back in there!
47:02Well, after tonight's win, England's under-21s will be looking
47:05to build against Slovenia.
47:07Stream or watch live on Channel 4 Sunday at 4.30.
47:10And in our Pride collection, he plays up front and he gets very personal.
47:14The UK's only openly gay pro player talks about being out and proud in football.
47:18That's streaming right now.
47:20.
47:21.
47:22.
47:23.
47:24.
47:26.
47:28.
47:29.