Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an elderly man who was assaulted by another man after he farted while waiting in a line. Then, Chuck reveals that he could clear out a theater with his gas if he had the right combination of foods.
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00:00What is wrong with you?
00:025-Hour Energy is giving me $10,000 to have the ultimate summer!
00:06I'm not giving you $10,000.
00:08They're giving everyone the chance to enter to win $10,000.
00:12Just go to 5-HourEnergy.com to enter.
00:21It sucks to be old.
00:25Two things happen as you get older.
00:28What?
00:30Your sphincter gets a little looser.
00:33Oh, yeah.
00:35Yep, that's terrible, but yep.
00:37And you stop caring.
00:39Oh, man.
00:41Yep.
00:41Bad combination.
00:42Loose as a goose.
00:46So, one of them...
00:48Broccoli night.
00:49...played a role...
00:51Yeah.
00:51...in this next story.
00:53In Wilkes Bar Township, Pennsylvania...
00:56Hey, I'm just putting this out there.
00:58It happens, old ladies, too.
01:00Oh, for sure.
01:01They don't care, either.
01:02For sure.
01:03They don't care, either.
01:05A gassy ass...
01:07Yeah.
01:08...was reason enough for a fight to break out...
01:11...in a lineup...
01:13...at a CSL plasma location.
01:16Okay, so these are people that are going in.
01:20Blood.
01:21Giving blood.
01:22I assume.
01:22Yeah.
01:23Or blood tests.
01:24Right?
01:25Oh, probably donating plasma, right?
01:26Yeah.
01:27Yeah.
01:28Yeah.
01:28A couple hundred bucks.
01:29A couple hundred bucks.
01:31That's what you get.
01:32Yeah, I believe so.
01:33Mm-hmm.
01:34And is there a senior you can donate to?
01:36Blood is blood.
01:37So, there's plasma just as good as anybody's, right?
01:39Yeah.
01:40I told you it's old.
01:40Probably don't see a lot of seniors in there.
01:43Yeah, I mean, they love their blood, you know?
01:44There's one right here.
01:47Blood donation center, yeah.
01:49Yeah, they're just hooking seniors up and sucking up their blood.
01:51That's probably not good.
01:52I don't know.
01:53Anyway, this old guy rips ass in line.
01:59Terrible.
01:59I mean, awful.
02:01Awful.
02:02A younger dude was not having it.
02:04Yep.
02:05This dude with the douchey name Chaz.
02:09Hey!
02:10Let's not get too carried away.
02:11Oh, shots fired!
02:13Yeah, huh?
02:14Uh-oh.
02:17But that's his actual name.
02:19That's his actual name.
02:20It's not a nickname given to him by his buddies.
02:23God.
02:24Chaz with two Z's Pearson.
02:27Oh, no.
02:28That means a parent did that?
02:29Yes.
02:30Wow.
02:31He assaulted an old guy who cropped us to the lineup.
02:35I don't know how many old person farts there would have to be before I went wild.
02:42Yeah, like, I don't see myself even going wild.
02:45I think I just give up.
02:47Like, I'm not giving plasma today.
02:49There's an old man in there.
02:51Farting.
02:51Because when that child was on the airplane in front of me and was dealing with whatever
02:55sickness it was, and it was just the most putrid smell you've ever...
03:00Mm.
03:01It was, like, covering my face.
03:03But I didn't say, like, F you.
03:06Nothing like that.
03:07Like, take that baby into the bathroom.
03:09The baby's obviously got a crap.
03:10So, according to the criminal complaint, the elderly farter did apologize.
03:15Sorry.
03:17Sorry about that.
03:19So, it's just this loose sphincter.
03:22Oh, yeah.
03:22It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, he cares enough to apologize.
03:25Right.
03:26Yeah.
03:26So, it's just his loose sphincter.
03:28Yeah.
03:28You just, there's no stopping it, you know?
03:31But Chaz was not in the forgiving mood.
03:34Ooh.
03:35Oops.
03:36Chaz, opting instead to strike the man in the head.
03:40Okay.
03:41Chaz.
03:43Chaz.
03:45Chaz.
03:46Yeah, a little extra, a little extra sass on the end of that, Chaz.
03:49Oh, God.
03:52I'd love to see this, Chaz.
03:54I was looking for him, but I can't.
03:56Really?
03:56I'd love to see this, Chaz.
03:58I don't think the mugshot's out there yet.
04:00I think there's more than meets the eye with Chaz.
04:03Yeah.
04:03There's a guy named Shaquille, Chaz.
04:07I don't think that's him.
04:08Oh, maybe, Pearson, I don't know.
04:11It might be him.
04:14Maybe he just dropped the Shaquille.
04:16Oh, yeah, because that is double Z.
04:19Double Z.
04:19Oh, wait, hold on.
04:20Is he dead?
04:21He is dead.
04:22Oh, that's not him then.
04:22That is not him.
04:24He is dead.
04:25That was his memorial.
04:26His middle name was Chaz.
04:28Yeah.
04:29But he had that, Chaz.
04:31None of these photos, I mean,
04:33some of them are from what looks like
04:35the 1800s we're looking at.
04:38Is that the guy that passed?
04:40Yeah, I'm thinking.
04:41He's not the 39-year-old.
04:42Yeah, that's 270 weeks ago
04:43was his last post.
04:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:45He gone.
04:45He gone.
04:46He gone.
04:46He gone.
04:47We can't find this, Chaz.
04:48Oh, that's too bad.
04:48I know.
04:49I just think there's more than meets the eye there.
04:51I don't know why.
04:53Probably.
04:53It's just a...
04:54So the old guy's son was there with him
04:56and he tried to intervene,
04:58but then Chaz beat the hell out of him too.
05:01Oh, God.
05:02Dad, why'd you fart in front of the super tough guy?
05:08I'd be pretty upset if my dad was in line
05:10just cutting cheese.
05:11Oh, no, come on.
05:12I'd take him out.
05:13I would remove my dad.
05:14I'd be like, no, Dad, we can't do this today.
05:15Oh, yeah.
05:16You can't control your ass.
05:17We gotta leave.
05:18I would.
05:19I'd be...
05:19It's up to you.
05:20It's up to you as the son
05:21with your wits about you
05:22to get him out of there.
05:23Yeah, the second he starts...
05:24I'm so sorry.
05:25I'm so sorry for my dad.
05:26Because I feel like...
05:27He lost control of his sphincter.
05:27There's no way it was one.
05:29No.
05:30There's no way it was one.
05:32That doesn't...
05:32One doesn't drive you.
05:33Because you let one slide.
05:34You probably let three.
05:35Even the angriest Chaz lets one slide.
05:38You probably let three slide from an old man.
05:41But, like, at some point,
05:44unless he just...
05:45Every time he did it,
05:46he actually found it quite funny.
05:48What do you apologize?
05:50What do you apologize?
05:50Yeah, you don't laugh.
05:52Sorry about that.
05:53Well, it's embarrassing.
05:56Sorry about that.
05:57I can't help it.
05:57Sorry.
05:58Sorry.
06:00It's hilarious, but...
06:02Like, you get upset.
06:04Yeah.
06:04You're stuck.
06:05It's probably a little hallway.
06:08You're all in it.
06:09You know, there's no escape.
06:12Direct fart-to-nose contact is no good.
06:17No.
06:18Still can't assault the guy.
06:19You still can't.
06:20You're right.
06:20No, you can't.
06:21You cannot be the hell out of an old man for it.
06:22Listen, most of our fart encounters,
06:25it's an anonymous...
06:28Right, you don't know who dealt it.
06:29No, you don't.
06:30And so there's plausible deniability with everyone.
06:34The fact that the old man was instantly like,
06:36my ass!
06:37Sorry!
06:38I should have shut up.
06:39You just be quiet, you know?
06:41Unless it was...
06:42Quite obvious.
06:43I mean, yeah.
06:44Obvious.
06:44And his pants, maybe his slacks moved.
06:47You can see his slacks flutter.
06:50Oh, no.
06:51You don't want to be with anyone who's ripping ass.
06:54You don't.
06:55You don't.
06:55But, you know, we all look forward to that.
06:56I walked into someone that crop-dusted an aisle at a grocery store the other day,
07:01and it was...
07:01It's always at the grocery store.
07:03It is at the grocery store.
07:04Why is that always a thing?
07:05Well, to be honest, I believe...
07:07They run to the next aisle.
07:08We know you're over there.
07:09Exactly.
07:09I was just going to look him up.
07:10Like, where'd you go?
07:11Like, hey, Carter!
07:12There's whole TikToks.
07:14There's whole TikTok pages that are, like, focused on just doing this.
07:21Really?
07:21They just crop dust.
07:23That's their whole deal?
07:24Their idea was, I'm going to start this page, and I'm going to crop dust people,
07:29and I'm going to record it all and get the reaction.
07:33So you have to plan your diet for that, right?
07:35Yeah, smelly.
07:36There's a lot of real, like, if you're lactose intolerant,
07:39you'd have to eat a bunch of ice cream and head out to the store or whatever it is.
07:42I know exactly what to eat.
07:44I know exactly what to eat.
07:45Cheesy bread?
07:46Cheese, yeah.
07:47Onion rings.
07:47We even know what you're talking about.
07:48Onion rings, cheesy bread, ice cream.
07:50Like, honestly, I do that and go to a grocery store.
07:55You're hearing about it on the news.
07:57You'll probably grab yourself.
07:58No, like, honestly, they're going to think that someone let a poisonous chemical loose.
08:06I am not.
08:07I am not.
08:08It does something inside of me.
08:10I don't know what it makes no sense.
08:12And then you combine those forces together.
08:13I've never done it.
08:15I'd be afraid to do it.
08:16It's like crossing the streams in, like, Ghostbusters.
08:19The storm from the X-Men would be in your stomach.
08:21That's what I mean, yeah.
08:22Yeah, like, just a, like, ah, tornado just comes right out of my butthole.
08:26It sucks up all the people around it.
08:29Chuck's ass twisters.
08:30No, honestly, because I've had onion rings, and, like, that does it.
08:33That's the worst.
08:34Yeah.
08:34Obviously, I believe that the cheese bread from the place that will not be banned.
08:41Yeah, we know.
08:42Famous.
08:42That one, I mean, I think that's the volume.
08:47That's just, it's all night.
08:48So, then you mix the two, the potency with the volume, that's doom.
08:54That's doom for every, oh, man.
08:56Just wash it down with some milk.
08:59Yep.
09:00You'll be that, old man.
09:01Holy mackerel.
09:03Don't do it.
09:03I mean, if I ever want to make the news, I know that I can do that.
09:07That is the one thing I know I have.
09:09You really?
09:09You can make the news with that?
09:10What a superpower you have, Chuck.
09:11I am telling you right now, in the right scenario, like, a theater.
09:17Like, you think you could, your ass could clear a theater?
09:20Like, you really do believe that?
09:22How bad is it, my man?
09:24It's, it's god-awful, Dave.
09:26Dear Lord almighty.
09:28It's god-awful.
09:29Evacuate a theater bag?
09:30I have had to, I have had them, and I have had plans, like, with a lady.
09:37Mm-mm.
09:38The onion rings?
09:39Yep, and I have eaten the onion rings, and I thought, it'll be out of my system, and
09:45it wasn't, and I'm like, no, like, there can be no plans.
09:49Plans are done.
09:50There can be all, everything's off.
09:51It's all off.
09:52You ate onion rings, that's it.
09:53There's no way.
09:54There's no way.
09:55Those things are so synthetic that the chemicals, it doesn't dance inside me.
10:02Oh, man.
10:03It makes no sense.
10:05But clear a theater.
10:09Yeah, I'm telling you, man.
10:10Like, like, a whole room would be, I mean, I'll, I'll do it.
10:16I'll bring it in here.
10:17We're fine.
10:17If you guys want to know.
10:18No, thank you.
10:19No, thank you.
10:19You land a plane, you think?
10:21Land a plane!
10:23Divert it!
10:24Lisa.
10:24Divert a flight!
10:25We'd turn that thing around.
10:27They just did it to somebody, didn't they?
10:29Yeah, but they pooped in the aisle, I think, right?
10:31You would think I did.
10:33You would think I did.
10:34It was like a hazmat.
10:35Because it would be over and over.
10:38It would be.
10:39And you'd get that guy on there.
10:41Stop farting!
10:42Stop farting, please!
10:43Whoever is farting!
10:44Right, but it would be like, I'd have to somehow say, release it.
10:51Every time, just release it.
10:53You wouldn't hold it.
10:54You know?
10:55Like, oh my god, what a diabolical.
10:57I'm like a DC villain.
10:59Somebody said he cleared a whole outside deck after he ate Domino's pizza.
11:03Outside?
11:04Yes, it's possible.
11:05You got air out there.
11:05It is possible.
11:08Wow.
11:09There's some stuff that can happen inside the human body that doesn't make sense.
11:13It doesn't make sense.
11:14So noxious to evacuate a whole theater, to me, is wild.
11:19A lot of times you can deal with your own stuff.
11:22Even if you know it's bad, you're like,
11:23oof, that's my stuff, though.
11:25I know that.
11:25That's mine.
11:27I can't even deal.
11:28I could not even deal with what I do on those things.
11:33That's pretty bad.
11:33Like, they're kind of, they're on a list.
11:35You know, like, Lisa will make a list of, like, just don't have those anymore.
11:38Those things you can't eat.
11:39They're on my list.
11:40Like, I can't have those.
11:41I've been on here a long time ago.
11:41I still occasionally get tempted by the devil.
11:44What if I added a fiber one bar to that?
11:48Well, now you're a supervillain.
11:50Oh, my God.
11:52Listen, I don't like having this power, but I know I have it.
11:56Someone once cleared a dance floor at a bar after eating wings and beer.
12:00Listen, we've all smelled them pretty bad.
12:04We know, I just know the combo.
12:06I just know the combo that I can guarantee it.
12:09You know, I'm not gonna be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them to be able to get them.