- 5/19/2025
Malcolm In The Middle Season 7 Episode 5 Jessica Stays Over
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00:00Give me the candy bar.
00:04You heard me, Jamie.
00:05Get it.
00:14Where'd it go?
00:23Wow.
00:24I was fine before I got reached to fall for that.
00:27Yes, no, maybe.
00:32I don't know.
00:35Can you repeat the question?
00:39You're not the boss of me now.
00:41You're not the boss of me now.
00:44You're not the boss of me now.
00:46And you're not so big.
00:50You're not the boss of me now.
00:53You're not the boss of me now.
00:55You're not the boss of me now.
00:58And you're not so big.
01:01You're not the boss of me now.
01:03It's not fair.
01:12Oh!
01:13Sorry!
01:13I didn't...
01:15Sorry.
01:16It's no big deal, Malcolm.
01:17You know, one day you will be old enough to shave.
01:22Go.
01:23Oh.
01:24Yeah, okay.
01:25that's jessica our neighbor mom and dad are letting her sleep on her couch for a week until
01:32her father's rent seems he got drunk friday night decided to track down her mom and tried
01:38to drive a street sweeper to mexico she has some family issues malcolm reese jessica let's go
01:46what are you doing are you kidding no way i'm letting jessica get a look at the goods
01:54what is taking you boys so long tell sasquatch in there to give us a shot at the bathroom
02:00hey mom can i borrow your car tonight frank miller signing his new graphic novel you're
02:04going to drive it the way you threw your pants in a wad behind the hamper yesterday
02:08i don't think so what how does your mind even form thoughts like that
02:15is that a bee that is how you know it's fresh you won't find any bees in your store bud honey
02:27i'll tell you that much where this come from spoils of war dewey you know that beehive in
02:33the tool shed i've been battling for months victory is mine you did it yourself how'd you
02:41know how to do that it's instinctual see human beings were born with everything they need to
02:47destroy bees except the poison you have to buy that i feel kind of sorry for the bees though
02:54it's survival of the fittest dewey if they had one they'd be spreading us on toast right now
03:01big deal so you don't get the car to go to the book signing meeting your heroes is always such
03:08a disappointment anyway
03:10hi i'm welcome you got the car how'd you get the car i just had a little shopping to do and
03:27your mom insisted i take the car what do you mean she insisted i've been begging her for weeks every
03:32time i ask she says no that's where you made your mistake i just got all vulnerable and put on stuff
03:38about my dad it was easy no way look malcolm it's not something i'm proud of believe me it's how i've
03:48learned to survive in my twisted family like a total cesspool of manipulation and emotional blackmail
03:56everyone screwing everyone over i don't even know a true honest way to connect with people anymore
04:03it's sick i'm sick jessica wait i'm sorry oh thanks for carrying my bags for me malcolm told you it was easy
04:18you can bite my american ass jolly what's up the school made us adopt pen pals from different countries
04:31i got stuck with this loser from china what's wrong with china it's not what you think dewey he won't send
04:37you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks autograph for the emperor the guy's a total jerk it started off
04:45with a simple request to apologize from pearl harvard the guy wouldn't do it he's so arrogant
04:50when i draw squiggles it's nonsense when he does it's a language i was so pissed then i thought be the
04:58better man and reason with the guy do you want me to kick your butt check yes or no and there's his response
05:06he couldn't even follow simple instructions you need help reese he thinks the whole plan between us is
05:13gonna protect him he thinks he's so smart we'll see who's smart when i mail myself to china and kick his upside down ass
05:20what reese that's crazy name one thing that's crazy about it
05:25you're right i take it back i can't wait to see his face when he opens up his mail and i pop out
05:32uh huh and how are you supposed to get back after you beat him up dewey you know nothing about asian culture after i humiliate him i earn his respect plus half his land and his sister if she's hot all i gotta do is stay off of mom's radar for the next three days
05:51you call this clean i have to say mom if you're just gonna phone it in why even bother
05:58you just bought yourself two days grounded in your room
06:02fine maybe you can use that time to learn how to roll socks
06:06make it three days you want to try for more nope three is perfect
06:13hey survivor huh guess you weren't around when uncle hal came a knocking
06:28oh all right all right let it go war's over
06:35all right knock it off i mean it
06:43i mean it
06:50back off i'm warning you
06:56your friends died like cowards
07:04what's wrong with you
07:06i think i'm fine
07:08oh this crisper is disgusting it's like vegetable soup in there
07:12malcolm get a sponge and clean it out
07:15okay
07:16you're not gonna fight me or try to weasel out of it
07:20all right what's wrong
07:23nothing it's just
07:25there's this math test coming up and i don't know i
07:30malcolm stop you're gonna ace it like you always do
07:32that's just the point you totally expect me to get a hundred
07:36my teacher expects me to get a hundred
07:38everyone expects me to get a hundred
07:40do you know what it's like every time you do anything in school to have everyone expect you to be perfect
07:46do you have any idea what kind of pressure that puts on you
07:50it was so easy i started with this load of crap about my math test and then the rushes came pouring out of me so naturally before i knew it she was telling me to take the car and go and have fun with my friends she even gave me money for gas nice
08:09is that a tear
08:11is that a tear
08:12no
08:21six boxes of cereal
08:23two gallons of milk
08:24eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
08:26adult diapers
08:27and mad lips
08:28and mad lips
08:29i thought of everything
08:30and i also packed some barbells so i can get there in fighting shape
08:34they look like soup cans
08:36you noticed
08:38see there's a lot of things that serve two purposes
08:40like my pillow
08:42it's stuffed with m&m's so i can sleep and snack from the same source
08:46it's the same way nasty designed the old space capsules
08:50they're very same
08:52and you'll be ready with the tapes to cover with mom right
08:54yeah
08:55all right
08:56let's get moving
08:57i want to be at the post office for the four o'clock pickup
09:00should i get you stamped fragile
09:02what's that supposed to mean
09:04ow
09:24and the journey begins
09:38malcolm
09:39you wouldn't happen to know the life expectancy of a bee would you
09:42i don't know
09:43great
09:44what's the point of hauling around that giant head of yours if you can't retain a few simple facts
09:50hal
09:51he gets enough pressure from school without his family piling on
09:55did mom just defend me
09:58wow this vulnerability crap is more effective than i thought
10:02brisa's eggs are stone cold
10:04Dewey you can bring them to him now
10:06okay
10:07it's about time butt munch
10:21she actually expects me to eat this slop
10:24hal what are you doing home it's 10 15
10:30it's that bee lois
10:32he attacked me again on my way to the car
10:35i barely made it back in here
10:37the damn thing won't leave me alone
10:39he's on some crazy vendetta
10:41hal
10:42okay
10:43maybe it's not that crazy when you think about it
10:45i mean i did kill all his family and friends
10:48and basically destroyed his whole world
10:51that's got to come as a blow
10:54hal you have got to go to work
10:56i know you're right
10:58this is absurd
11:01okay
11:03here's the plan lois
11:04i am going to move very casually toward the back door
11:07and draw his attention over there
11:09once he's diverted
11:11you run lickety split to my car
11:13and drive it right up here to the side doors
11:15honk the horn
11:16two short beeps
11:17then one long
11:18i'll count to three
11:19then we open the door simultaneously
11:21you gotta be kidding me
11:23hey i am not going to let some bee run my life
11:33where are you going?
11:34we're Kessler's party
11:36how you getting there?
11:37i'm gonna tell my mom how i can't beat people's expectations on my science test
11:43are you a complete moron?
11:45what?
11:46amateurs
11:48you are not trying to manipulate a guy here malcolm
11:52you have to use your brain
11:54but it worked great last time
11:55which is why you can never use it again
11:57especially with your mom's radar
12:01come on sit down listen to me
12:04you got lucky the first time
12:06but if you want to pull this off getting the car two nights in a row
12:09you have to be very very good
12:13why can't i just do it?
12:15hey!
12:16do you want to ride jamie's big wheel to the party?
12:18i am telling you
12:20you have to share some real fear or feeling of inadequacy
12:24if you are not totally honest she will see right through your scam
12:29okay
12:32so like what?
12:33well i don't know what do you got?
12:36well i have
12:38i have
12:39come on malcolm your biggest problem is choosing one
12:42okay well
12:44i'm not that tall
12:46that's what you're going with
12:47i don't know this is hard
12:50we'll go down the list and see which one makes you feel the most uncomfortable
12:54we've established that you're short
12:57yeah
12:58and pretty scrawny
12:59yeah
13:00and completely self-absorbed
13:01yeah
13:02huge mother issues
13:04yeah
13:05you don't really put out a sexual vibe
13:06hey
13:07bingo
13:08it was amazing
13:21we've never really talked like that
13:24she said she felt like a total outcast in high school
13:28she told me all this stuff
13:29like really personal stuff
13:31but it didn't feel creepy like your mom's telling you stuff
13:35it was more like we were equals
13:37it was great
13:40well good work
13:42did you get the car?
13:44what?
13:45oh
13:46yeah
13:47you know
13:48i think i'm gonna skip the party
13:50you're kidding
13:51yeah i don't know
13:52i just
13:53i just
13:54i don't really feel like going out
13:58you know what?
13:59i think i'm gonna stay home and start a journal
14:01in the journal
14:08stupid jet engine
14:11hey
14:18hey
14:19why don't you learn how to fly this stupid thing
14:21think
14:22i think
14:31oh sure i feel lonely
14:36Oh, sure, I feel lonely.
14:38Sometimes even with my family all around me,
14:40I feel like there's this...
14:42I don't know, this gulf between us that I can't get across
14:47and maybe don't even want to.
14:49Does that sound awful?
14:50No, no, I know exactly what you're talking about.
14:53There's this deep chasm of loneliness.
14:56But the weird thing is, it's not all that horrible.
15:00It's almost like this...
15:02this sweet pain.
15:05Oh, my God.
15:07I thought I was the only one who thought that way.
15:09Well, it's not something I really talk about.
15:12I can't believe I'm even telling you.
15:14Don't worry, Mom. I understand. I really do.
15:17Oh, look at the time.
15:19Malcolm, we've gapped the whole morning away.
15:21I gotta get dressed for work.
15:22Go ahead. I'll finish stitches.
15:24I'm gonna take you up on that.
15:30That was genius.
15:31Jessica, you were there the whole time?
15:37Seriously?
15:39That was awesome.
15:40What are you going for?
15:42What? Nothing.
15:43Malcolm, it's me.
15:46What are you after?
15:47I mean, you've got her opening up to you.
15:49Forget about the car.
15:51With that level of intimacy, I'd shoot for a laptop.
15:54We were just talking about things we felt.
15:56Wow, Malcolm.
15:59That's really...
16:01pathetic.
16:02Shut up.
16:03Listen.
16:04Monday, I need you to get your mom out of the house for a couple of hours after school.
16:09Take her to a chick flick or something.
16:11You should enjoy that.
16:12What for?
16:12My boyfriend's coming over, and I'd like to have the house to ourselves, if you know what I mean.
16:17What?
16:18Oh, good. You do know what I mean.
16:20I wasn't sure with that whole chasm of loneliness crap.
16:24You can't hook up in my house.
16:26I've never hooked up in my house.
16:27Okay, Malcolm.
16:29It's your decision.
16:31I'm just a little worried how your mom might react when she finds out that the only reason you've been opening up to her is to get her car.
16:38That's not even true anymore.
16:40Anyway, you look just as bad.
16:42Malcolm, my dad's in jail, and I live on a couch.
16:45Looking bad isn't really a big motivator for me.
16:49Now, you owe me.
16:51You'd really do it, wouldn't you?
16:53Owning me?
16:56Yeah.
16:57Fine, but I can't believe you being like this.
17:00I thought you were helping me because you were my friend.
17:03Yeah, Malcolm.
17:04Save the girl talk for your mom.
17:12Day 23.
17:18I'm out of food.
17:20I've never felt so focused and alive.
17:22I see everything now with crystal clarity that...
17:26Day 24.
17:41I must be getting close.
17:43I can smell the docks.
17:45I can smell the docks.
17:50I know Mommy wanted us to go to the park.
18:05But why go outside where bad things want to hurt, Daddy, when we can have just as much fun inside the house?
18:13Right, Jamie?
18:14How about a nice shaving cream beard, huh?
18:18I did one last week at work, and everyone loved it.
18:21Don't worry, Jamie.
18:38It's me he's after, not you.
18:41Stop looking at me, Dewey.
18:43I'm not looking at you.
18:45Don't touch me.
18:46I'm not touching you.
18:47You're practically touching me.
18:49Shut up.
18:50You shut up.
18:51What are you?
18:52Why don't you make me?
18:53Why don't you make me?
18:55Maybe I will.
18:56He thinks he's on his way to China, and you've just been torturing him in that box?
19:02Yeah.
19:03Can he breathe in there?
19:05He's still making noises.
19:07And he's got food and water?
19:09Yeah.
19:15All right.
19:20Honestly, Hal, I haven't felt this close to Malcolm since he was four years old.
19:30Did I tell you he's taking me to a movie tomorrow?
19:32I can't believe it.
19:34I mean, you put it out there, but you don't know whether it'll ever come back to you.
19:42And then when it does, it's wonderful.
19:49It's worth all the crap you have to put up with.
19:52Well, our boy is growing up, Lois.
19:59I'm very proud of both of you.
20:01Thanks, honey.
20:05Can you turn off the smoke now?
20:08In a minute.
20:08How long do we have the place?
20:12At least two hours.
20:15So what do you want to do?
20:20Jessica, I have to talk to you.
20:22Malcolm, what are you doing here?
20:24Where's Lois?
20:25Still at the movies.
20:27I told her everything.
20:29I couldn't hold it back from her.
20:31We were in the lobby, and I saw something that reminded me of how much she really loves me.
20:35This mom was holding up her son so we could get a drink of water, and I thought,
20:38what kind of mom lets their kid drink from a public drinking fountain?
20:42She would have yelled at me about all the germs,
20:44and I thought about how much she really cares about me, and I couldn't hold it back.
20:48Now, we'll talk about this later.
20:49It was horrible.
20:52I tried to explain that getting close to her started off as a way to use her,
20:56but it turned into something real.
21:01But she didn't care.
21:03She was just too hurt.
21:05She said she didn't want to look at me anymore,
21:07and then she walked right out of Autumn Encounter and straight into Body Count 3.
21:13It's too bad, because Autumn Encounter was really good.
21:18Can I make myself a sandwich?
21:19Wait, Mike, this won't take long.
21:21My mom used to make me sandwiches.
21:25Now she'll never make me sandwiches again.
21:29How to pull yourself together.
21:31This is kind of weird.
21:33Wait, wait, Mike!
21:35Mike!
21:45Hi.
21:47Hi.
21:47I'm Mike, Jessica's friend.
21:49Dewey.
21:50Mind if I make myself a sandwich?
21:52I don't care.
21:58Wait, can you do me a favor first?
22:01There's this crate in the garage I can't get open.
22:04You look really strong.
22:06Sure.
22:06I bet you weren't expecting this, Chow.
22:21Now you're going to experience a good old American ass whooping.
22:25Hey, quit it.
22:26I don't speak Chinese, jackass.
22:28All right.
22:31All right.
22:53You.
22:54okay let's stay calm
22:59let's not do anything stupid
23:04eat rim, honey sucker
23:34ah
23:39ah
23:41ah
23:43ah
23:49ah
23:51ah
23:53ah
23:55ah
23:59ah
24:01ah
24:03ah
24:07ah
24:13ah
24:19ah
24:21ah
24:23ah
24:25ah
24:26ah
24:30ah
24:32This ends now.
25:02Is everything okay?
25:14Everything is just fine.
25:25Who's the idiot now?
25:32I don't know.
26:02Transcription by CastingWords
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