- 5/19/2025
Malcolm In The Middle Season 7 Episode 1 Burning Man
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00It's the biggest.
00:03Did you put anything in this one?
00:05Of course not, just take it.
00:08Then take this one 20 minutes later.
00:13Yes, no, maybe.
00:17I don't know.
00:20Can you repeat the question?
00:24You're not the boss of me now.
00:26You're not the boss of me now.
00:29You're not the boss of me now.
00:31And you're not so big.
00:34You're not the boss of me now.
00:37You're not the boss of me now.
00:40You're not the boss of me now.
00:42And you're not so big.
00:46Life is unfair.
00:54There's no doubt about it, we're totally gonna go this year.
00:56Totally, it's not even a question.
00:58What's sort of question?
00:59Nothing.
01:00Because we're going.
01:01We're totally going.
01:02Totally.
01:03Oh, God.
01:04Burning Man again?
01:06Every year it's the same thing.
01:08This time we're totally going.
01:11Oh, yeah, totally.
01:13And every year you chicken out with some pathetic excuse.
01:16My personal favorite was last year's really bad Slurpee headache.
01:21See?
01:22That is exactly the kind of ignorant talk I'd expect from someone who doesn't have any appreciation for what Burning Man is.
01:28A week of freedom out in the desert.
01:31Naked women.
01:32Getting back to your primal nature.
01:34Naked women.
01:35People doing art.
01:37Naked women.
01:38Are all the women naked?
01:39Oof.
01:40That is all you heard, isn't it?
01:42Mom.
01:43Dad breakfast.
01:44Jamie.
01:45Dewey.
01:46Dad dinner.
01:47Went to Burning Man.
01:48There.
01:49That should get us to tomorrow.
01:50I can't believe it.
01:51We're really doing it.
01:52We're actually going to Burning Man.
01:54Hitchhiking.
01:55Hitchhiking on the highway like hobos.
02:00Thank God your mother undercooked the chicken last night, or who knows when we might have found out about this.
02:18What were you thinking?
02:20thinking sneaking off in the middle of the night to go to some overblown keg party in the desert
02:25that is not what burning man is all about burning man is an incredible interactive experiment in
02:31human creativity where you do art just for art's sake and you make music from instruments that came
02:37to you in dreams it's the one place where you're free to let go and really see what you're capable
02:43of creating without worrying what anyone else thinks that's what burning man is all about
02:50i think she actually might have bought that this burning person sounds like it's going to be a lot
02:58of fun what a great idea malcolm yeah maybe next year we can take grandma to mardi gras you think
03:04i enjoy having powers that i can't control believe me i'd much rather be as stupid as you are don't
03:10try sucking up to me now i still can't believe mr barnes let you borrow his fancy rv oh this is so
03:17classy this is like buckingham palace on wheels he ripped one on the elevator just before the ceo
03:24got on and i took the blame for it that's the way things work in the corporate world
03:28you're unselfish and it paid off hey you boys check out the flat screen tv back in the bedroom
03:34and the two-thirds scale fold-down pool table boy we're gonna have so much fun in this baby
03:40oh what was that i just opened an apple juice for jamie and now you can close it back up i thought i
03:49was clear about this the camper is going back without a single stain smudge smell or dent yeah but i really
03:56think jamie do we what is the rule this one rv is worth three of me okay
04:07help me get this grade off i'm gonna ditch out when we slow down for the turn i am not going to
04:12burning man with mom and dad reese we're in the middle of the desert i know what you're thinking the
04:18road runners are too smart to catch and eat but the coyotes are idiots look it might not be as
04:25embarrassing as we think if we move quick we might be able to sneak off without anyone knowing that
04:30we came to burning man with our parents we're here
04:45whoa
04:55hey neighbors i'm gonna do art too i brought my paint brushes
05:07okay let's get moving here reese malcolm i want you guys
05:14they're gone they shimmied under the rv and took off running oh well then i guess it's up to you to help me
05:20set up a protective perimeter around the camper we'll need about 40 rocks at least the size of bowling
05:26balls i'm sorry son you snooze you lose come on come on don't let the flies get in
05:34look at this place it's amazing
05:40dad has to be the coolest guy on earth see i told you everything was going to be all right even with mom
05:45and dad here we just need to make sure we look out for each other and whoa ow ow damn it i said on a cactus can
05:54you give me a hand
05:57reese
05:57hey buddy you know where the topless chicks are and i'm not interested in the uggos or blimps if you know
06:12what i'm saying follow me i'm going that way hey man want some stanley
06:18first time at burning man yeah yeah i can always tell the newbies hey you guys want a little stanley
06:31what's stanley oh stanley was a buddy of mine we've been coming to burning man together almost 20 years
06:41anyway he passed on over the winter and he always said he wanted his ashes scattered here kind of as a
06:48way of spreading the spirit of burning man to the people and the family he loved
06:55and you're allowed to do that spread dead guy and people i got suspended for a week for putting a
07:02mouse's head on the end of my pencil burning man's all about freedom dude you can do whatever you want
07:07here
07:10whatever i want you mean i could kick this over or break that
07:17well i guess if you really felt you had to
07:22doesn't that kind of take the fun out of mindless destruction that's what the flaming catapult's for
07:32yeah but the real spirit of burning man isn't about destruction
07:36it's about creating participating contributing building a community that needs you relies on you
07:43it's about allowing yourself to become part of the whole and then coming away from it with more than
07:50you brought oh there's no feeling like it in the world wow yeah it's a mind-altering journey son
07:57if you're willing to take it
08:05you know what i think i want some stanley
08:08wow this stuff is gorgeous we really have to get some for the house
08:23howdy just getting the old homestead set up best hamburgers and dogs you've ever tasted are
08:31on me when i get this baby fired up huh what's he doing his performance art
08:40he's skewering the empty banality of the modern suburban
08:44i mean where did i put my good basting brush
08:50honey
08:53honey
08:54this guy's good
09:00no one told me there was a looky-loo convention in town
09:04dad do i have to circle the whole thing i can't find any more rocks son look we might be in the
09:10desert but we are still civilized people and civilized people put up arbitrary boundaries
09:16that they will fight to the death to protect i'm pretty sure we passed some nice-sized rocks when
09:21we turned it at the camp that's half a mile away don't be silly two miles easy
09:31hell this place is so great i met the nicest group of gals down by the porta potty they call
09:38themselves a tribe like a group of wild indians isn't that cute they invited me to the hemp raiding
09:44tent later what are you using the porta potties for when we have the world's greatest toilet
09:5010 feet away in the rv nothing will suck down a small deer
09:58mention free food and they start gathering like flies
10:01this is great i'm gonna spend my entire two days at burning man standing in this line hey man
10:13you know the line's much shorter in front of the shaman's tent the what oh you would love her
10:18she totally cured my fighter's warts thanks but come on man you think i'd leave you wrong
10:33i remember if you're gonna eat glass chew at least 10 times before you swallow okay
10:50oh what do we have here i slipped on a cactus
10:53you know right through my shoe let's take a look it's not a big deal i think i just need some
11:00disinfectant and a band-aid and i'll be oh ma'am
11:08you've internalized a lot of criticism haven't you well i don't know i guess but what does that
11:15okay here's your problem you have an incredible amount of passion in your soul
11:27but you've got to let down the armor you're using to shield it
11:33you also need a tetanus shot
11:38okay she's almost as old as my mom and obviously crazy as a loon
11:41so why am i so turned on
11:47most western medicines numb the body they silence it but the body is an amazing thing malcolm
11:53it can tell you what's wrong with it all real healing is just listening i don't see anything
12:00alternative about that i just don't see colonizing space as the answer i mean if we can't solve our
12:07problems here what's the point of just exporting them there even warner von braun said that everything
12:13science taught him strengthened his belief in the continuity of spiritual existence after death
12:19okay i buy that godzilla came out of the collective purging of japanese guilt after world war ii
12:25but can you explain to me what a costume might look so fake let's see first i'd say
12:31the gogos then the bangles banana rama and josie and the pussycats i can't believe it i hated charlotte's
12:42web too i just wanted to squash that whiny little spider deep dish chocolate chip oscar the grouch
12:52well and i thought all that crap everyone said about love was just to piss me off
13:12so you're going to come oh absolutely that sounds like a hoot and a half great it's by the giant foam
13:18tongue just make a left at the guy in the phone booth for the jello if you hit the men's diaper
13:22brigade you've gone too far see you there okay what's this the food's all green i added a little food
13:34color it's artistic i'm being artistic mom's right i always thought art was just stupid paintings of
13:41old dead guys in drag but i was wrong art can be doing something or even undoing something like when
13:48i blew up the mueller's mailbox that was art i didn't even know it green eggs and toast i do not
13:54like green eggs and toast oh for god's sake hell stretch a little we're on vacation vacation which part
14:02of this is vacation arm rolling the tires for six hours or scraping the dead bugs out of the grill with
14:08a toothbrush why do they have to play frisbee so close to the rv can't they have fun with that
14:13thing without constantly throwing it around where's malcolm did he even come home last night gotta tell
14:20you lois i really don't think i like this place i think i love this place
14:29no i'm sure i do good morning did you know you are the most incredible woman who ever lived
14:36well i knew i was in the top three but i guess your vote clenches it
14:44so are we gonna spend the day together i thought we can go check out the circle of infinity and then
14:50a ton of rebirthing ceremonies to do today but we can get together later how about that sure that sounds
14:56great what's the matter nothing i'm happy really really happy no there's something the matter but i
15:07just can't pin it down nothing's wrong you go and do your rebirthing whatever's and we'll get together
15:12later contempt that's it what are you talking about you have contempt for me and for what i do no no not at
15:20all i should really just keep my mouth shut for the next five seconds four three i mean it is a pretty
15:28silly ritual but i guess i don't see any real harm in it you know i have a lot to do today and i think
15:34you should probably go no goodbye malcolm
15:50this guy's really captured something here this piece is as vicious as it is funny
15:56what are you looking at haven't you ever seen a man sweep his lawn with a broom before
16:09my head come on get out of here what the hell is wrong with you people doesn't anybody have respect
16:26for personal property anymore you can think about that for a few days until i give this back to you
16:39that orphanage just don't take family trips or kids raised by animals how come they get all the breaks
17:04okay lois you can open your eyes now
17:09oh my gosh this is fantastic oh i wish there was a jc penny nearby i'd love to get wallets of this
17:21whose stupid idea was it to come here anyway i'm with you malcolm we don't belong here
17:27this place is full of freaks and weirdos and now your mother and jamie are out there with them doing
17:34god knows what you're gonna be okay malcolm because you are just like me i am well sure they say we're
17:43stubborn they say we're closed-minded but i say there's nothing closed-minded about shunning ideas
17:49that make you scared and uncomfortable yeah and who cares if they say we're afraid of life life is scary
17:59life is things eating things well i say let everyone out there go ahead and eat each other
18:08you and i we're gonna be in here together safe and sound
18:12i've been a total idiot i have to get over myself where are you going don't walk away from me when
18:24i'm talking to you young man
18:37get off my property
18:51what would i do
19:02come with us wait i want my lawyer he's that naked guy in the buffalo head it's okay reese you're not
19:08in any trouble we want you to be the torchbearer for the big burning man ceremony you do absolutely
19:15i can't think of anyone who has embraced and embodied the spirit of the festival more than you have
19:21really wow
19:25hey don't say anything to my lawyer okay i don't want to give him a piece of this
19:30open yourselves to the energy of rebirthing
19:44i can do this i can be open-minded so it's a little weird most rituals are a little weird right
20:04he really needs a fresh start you made a lot of mistakes his first two days
20:13the old self dies okay so it's totally insane i don't care i'm doing it
20:25i gotta tell you man you've been fantastic thanks
20:43what's this for what's it for it's to set him on fire
20:48what that's how we end burning man man by burning the man but it can't end i don't want it to
20:57for the first time in life i feel real like i belong we've all been there man but it still has
21:03to end but why that's just the way it is look it's cool if you don't want it get back everyone just
21:12stay back no one's burning burning man
21:31malcolm what are you doing here i did it i actually did it you rebirthed yourself for me no
21:40well yeah originally but something happened in there i mean i was able to open my mind and be
21:46accepting to something i didn't believe in i've never been able to do that before it's amazing i
21:52actually feel like i've been reborn it feels fantastic and it's all thanks to you oh malcolm
22:00we can never see each other again
22:04what this could never work you're just way too malleable condescending cynic i could deal with but this
22:10i don't want you doing things just because i want you to do them then i won't if that's what you
22:15want crap i'm sorry malcolm life is a journey that you have to take on your own i've tried my own
22:23journey it sucks please please please just take me with you i don't take up a lot of space you have to
22:30go now but i uh great who knew this life could be even crapper than the last one
22:40no stay back stay back i mean it
22:44get in the van race we're going home how are you gonna help me they love it at first burning man
22:58now for crying out loud just torch the bastard and we're out of here i'm ready i finally got your
23:04precious floor mats clean let's get the hell out of here are you insane you're not going into my
23:11beautiful bed looking like this hey here come the trumpets trumpets let's burn the man
23:34oh
23:44freeze you behave yourself young man you hear me
23:50don't get credible honey now get in the van
23:54no no please
23:56please please no no no burning man can't end i won't let it
24:26i still can't believe how awesome burning man was
24:53next year we're totally going back right totally
24:59okay so burning man didn't turn out as great as i thought it would
25:03but i think i'll get over a lot faster than dad will his boss really loved that rv
25:09don't wait up probably won't be home until dawn again tonight i'm digging him a new septic tank
25:17come on dewey first we got to relocate the pet cemetery
25:29so
25:43so
25:46so
Recommended
26:27
|
Up next
1:28:10