It Looks Like Herpes

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a very uncomfortable experience a listener had with a doctor who spoke in a loud voice, about the listener's medical issue, for the whole waiting room to hear.

Transcript

00:00email came in he says hey all ryan uh exactly and he spelled it dead p-u-r-u

00:14i said first off huge fan you make my days better i enjoy listening had a brutal experience at the

00:22doctor's office that i just had to share with you guys so i wake up this was uh saturday morning

00:26with every guy's worst nightmare a huge itchy rash on my dong right on his dong red bumps all over

00:34the place came out of nowhere felt like my life was over almost positive it's herpes or something

00:40like that my mind's racing i was like what am i going to tell future ladies if i ever get another

00:46lady now anyway i decided to get it looked at at the urgent care in my town when i walked in the

00:51first thing i noticed was the receptionist total smoke show oh sure that's 10 out of 10 it's par

00:56par for the course when you've got something on your dong it was super embarrassing telling her

01:00why i was there oh no no no no and to make it worse i had to repeat myself because i said it so quietly

01:06she didn't hear me the first time i'm sorry what i gotta i missed that you're gonna have to repeat

01:13that's her no again still i just i'm just hearing your breathing you have a rash on your penis oh

01:27that's it that's the one that's it he says after waiting in their disgusting waiting room for 40

01:33minutes i finally get to go back and see the doctor but the doctor on call that was touching

01:38and examining my junk was hard of hearing or something oh god oh no this is awful this is a

01:44bad experience yeah yeah and he said it was speaking so loudly in a very effeminate voice so

01:50oh man what seems to me the problem i've got a what i've got a rash sorry i can't hear you on my

02:01well let's get a look at that penis oh jeez get her out get her out there you go oh my god

02:10it's bumpy and red rashy itchy inflamed can you keep it down a little bit this guy's penis is

02:18inflamed and rashy is it he did something looks like dermatitis to me he said he was speaking so

02:27loudly about my possible herpes that i know everyone outside the room could hear it it's

02:31probably just the herpes virus looks like a bunch of blisters can you keep it down this guy's sex life

02:39is ruined oh no god ruined i don't think the secretary heard you this man's sex life is completely over

02:51oh if it even started oh somehow he got herpes oh god i don't know how he did

02:59he probably got him from a drinking fountain something crazy nobody's even talking to you man

03:05why are you talking like you're answering questions you're answering nobody's questions

03:09you're screaming about sorry i have voices in my head

03:12it helps me figure out problems if i talk it out part of your process that's right

03:21i'm a doctor all right just don't worry i'm a doctor oh gotta love urgent care so he says on top

03:28of that just when i thought he was done touching my extremely tender region let's poke it a bit

03:34oh see what's happening be more gentle no he noticed that i had a papule near my b-hole

03:43oh you gotta be old

03:45because it can spread anything can spread how'd you even get back there i didn't even see you back

03:56you're so quick that's right oh my it's urgent care

04:01it's urgent i have urgency so there's something back there too it's like a papule or something i don't

04:09know what the hell he called it it's a bump i'm gonna lance this sumbitch

04:16nurse nurse he's got some kind of weird bump on his hand

04:22listen bring me the sharpest thing we've got i gotta lance this thing i'm gonna either chop it

04:34or i'm gonna pop it and let it ooze it's huge it's disgusting probably related to his herpes

04:42oh my god but i don't think it's herpes i think somehow he got herpes and something horrible on his

04:49ass two things so anyway back to you yeah it gets worse what else what else can i find

04:57get a better look at it come here he left the room and came back in wearing a magnifying mask

05:04device that's right did you invent that what is that this is from the 1920s it looks like something

05:11a steampunk costume player would wear i'm gonna sell it right after this on ebay and make a fortune

05:17christ there's gears on it that's so i can really zoom in on your on your butthole

05:23see what else is going on in there so he then proceeded to poke the area around my b-hole oh

05:31god this is true can you feel that yeah i feel everything you're doing back there can you feel

05:36that yeah i don't know why you're doing that can you feel this let me know how that feels oh not good

05:42guess what come on man then he said he'd have to drain the pus from i gotta drain it i'm sorry i knew i

05:52was gonna have to pop that thing and just let it in damn it relax i can't all the time i was

06:00pretty sure he was enjoying it you seem like you're having a good day this is fun this is what i wake up

06:07to do i'm so glad you came in oh urgent care yep now i just never know what i'm gonna get today

06:13it's herpes and ass popules or whatever it is polyps an ass polyp i don't know what it is he said

06:22i went through all of that humiliation only to find out i have molluscum contagiousum what in the

06:30christ it's like a harry potter yeah it does it's a relatively harmless rash i figured it was a rash

06:36i wish you wouldn't have screamed so much about herpes well you know you just don't know until

06:41you get a culture yeah right said as i walked out of the room as i walked out of the room all the

06:47other people in the clinic basically who had just listened to my doctor have a shouting match with

06:50me about my junk were staring at me and judging me hard have a nice day thanks you you too y'all come

06:59back here oh i don't know

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