Ring Of Balls

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about irrational fears and a listener shares one about prostate exams which leads to the discussion of physicals and Dave's visit to the ball doctor.

Transcript

00:00Ron from Roseville, how are you?

00:12Uh, penis balls.

00:13Penis, what strange thing did you recently become afraid of?

00:16I am definitely afraid of the yearly physical after you hit 50.

00:21Oh, because of the...

00:22Because the doctor wants to check your prostate.

00:24Uh, I think that's not a rational fear.

00:26That's a common fear among men.

00:28Common fear.

00:28Honestly.

00:29I think I have this one coming.

00:30I think this one is...

00:31I kind of got a heads up that this is going to be the next one I get.

00:34You're getting the old house your father?

00:36I think so.

00:36Oh, my God.

00:37Maybe you should get it done live on the air.

00:39Oh, my God, Dave.

00:41That's the worst idea I've ever heard.

00:42Come on.

00:43Why would I do it?

00:43That is not happening.

00:44Because they've got to do all sorts of stuff to me.

00:46It's not just prostate.

00:47I've got to get a full physical.

00:49So they're going to grab my balls, which I've never had done either.

00:52I've never had anyone, like a male, grab my balls.

00:56I had once when I was a kid.

00:58Because I was growing so fast, they had to make sure that everything was okay.

01:03So they touched your balls?

01:04They had this ring of balls.

01:06I think I told this story once.

01:07And they compared my balls to the ring of balls to make sure that I wasn't bigger than

01:11normal.

01:11Jeez.

01:12The ring of balls.

01:13It was like a big ring of balls with all these wooden testicles on it.

01:19And they compared it to my balls.

01:20I have.

01:21That's weird, Dave.

01:22No.

01:23I'm telling you, I was like 12 or 13, and I was so tall for my age.

01:28Have you ever wondered, though?

01:30Have you looked that up just to see if you were messed with?

01:34Like if there's a doctor.

01:36I don't.

01:37Ring of testicles.

01:39I don't see it.

01:39Ring of testicles.

01:41I don't know.

01:41Sometimes I wonder if it's just some perv got Dave.

01:45It's like, we've got to really look at those balls.

01:46You're growing fast.

01:48We've got to see if your balls are the right size.

01:51So what was it?

01:52It was a wood ring.

01:53It was called Ring of Balls.

01:54Well, that's what I called it.

01:56It wasn't a professional call.

01:56Well, what was it called?

01:57It was a giant ring, and it had wooden balls on it.

02:01And he just whipped it around until he found the size of mine that matched mine.

02:06Why would he need that?

02:10I've never heard of this.

02:11I'm preparing to see if I was like.

02:13There's got to be a kid doctor out there that knows about the balls.

02:18I'm trying to medical testicles.

02:20There it is.

02:21So that it's.

02:21Well, no.

02:22That's kind of what.

02:23There's like a meter.

02:25Yeah.

02:25So this was like.

02:26That's the paper version.

02:27Okay.

02:27Here.

02:27Is this it?

02:29What?

02:29Wait.

02:30Like something.

02:31Yes.

02:32Like this?

02:32Yes.

02:33Absolutely.

02:33You're good.

02:34You're good.

02:35Thank you, Lisa.

02:35I was not fondled by a strange man.

02:37This one.

02:38Good gosh.

02:39It looks like a rosary.

02:40It looks like a string of anal beads.

02:42Or it looks like those necklaces, the pitchers in Major League Baseball wear.

02:45Christ.

02:46Can I tell you something?

02:48So your adulthood balls are bigger than the 25?

02:51Yeah.

02:51So my balls were bigger than they should have been at that age.

02:54So they were.

02:54Or your childhood one?

02:56Yes.

02:56His childhood balls.

02:57So like I was in like mid puberty and I was in.

03:00I had late puberty balls.

03:02Wow.

03:03See, this is exactly how they did it to me.

03:05He held my ball.

03:06Oh my God.

03:06That sucks.

03:07And then he held the ball sizer up to it.

03:09Oh, Dave.

03:10I'm so sorry you went through that because that looks like it's a thrill bad moment.

03:15It was a weird moment.

03:15What were they?

03:16They must have gave you a complex.

03:17Like they pull out this ball, this ring ball.

03:20Yeah.

03:21A ring of balls.

03:22What are they trying to decide?

03:23Like are you going to?

03:24Did they think, Dave, like you were going to be like Andre the Giant?

03:27Like you never stopped growing?

03:28I was way off the charts size wise.

03:31I went to school with a guy like that.

03:32He was 15 feet at 12 years old, right?

03:34Yeah.

03:35I had a guy at school who was like that.

03:37I don't think he'll never stop growing if he's still with us.

03:40No, luckily I did.

03:41Dave must have been like a weeble wall when he was young.

03:44But as a kid though, the complex that you must have, I mean, not that you had a complex,

03:46but you must have been like, why are they?

03:47I absolutely did.

03:48I'm like, am I a freak?

03:49That's why I said for years that I was like six foot three and a half instead of six foot

03:54five.

03:55And I wore size 13 shoes even though I was size 14 because I thought 14 was a freak.

03:59So all my shoes were always smaller.

04:02Oh, wow.

04:03All right.

04:03Well, luckily we got to the bottom of the back that I was glad that it's a real thing.

04:07Yeah, me too.

04:08I was worried.

04:09I was like, Dave.

04:10Because Dave's real.

04:11I told that story on the show before.

04:13I believe you did, but we just never really got into it.

04:16And then I thought to myself, God, you know, like Dave's just so trusting that we should

04:22look it up.

04:22Well, it wasn't just 12 year old Dave going to the doctor.

04:25My dad was with me.

04:26Of course, yeah.

04:27Wasn't this me on my bicycle going to get an awesome act out?

04:30Awesome moment for your dad, too.

04:32Did you want to talk to your dad about the time that your balls got measured?

04:37Oh, he was so embarrassed.

04:38I bet.

04:40Oh, he's probably red.

04:41Can you just picture a little Dave on his bike?

04:47Going to get the balls checked.

04:52Hi, Mr. Whitaker.

04:53I'm just going to get my balls checked with the ball ring today.

04:57Oh, I bet you got real freakishly big balls, Dave.

04:59Yes, we'll find out.

05:01See you later, Mr. Whitaker.

05:02See ya.

05:03You're probably never going to stop growing, you freak.

05:08Look at the size of that boy's feet.

05:11Surprised he could even pedal a bike?

05:13I heard his dad put extra big pedals on there.

05:19I don't even think he's going to see a doctor.

05:21I think he's going to see a goddamn scientist.

05:26Off to see the ball, doctor!

05:28That's a weird episode.

05:30It is.

05:31He's going to look for the beanstalk so he can get back home.

05:33Mr. Whitaker just makes fun of him.

05:41That's tonight on Dave Goes to the Ball Doctor.

05:44Oh, wow.

05:45Bet you got size 55 balls on the rosary there.

05:49Who in the Christ made the ball rosary?

05:51Oh, no.

05:53Whose idea was that?

05:55Obviously, it's a needed device.

05:57It's been used on me.

05:58All right, enough about my balls.

05:59We'll take a break.

06:00We'll take a break.

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